you may be wondering to yourself Hey James, Where Is your sex life? - and in fact I know you're not wondering, you're openly asking yourself ... you've probably even written down in your journal " What is with James' sex life? What is the butsexx? " --- granted : you may be thinking a little bit more detail like " where is the application for James' sex life " or even better yet " I wonder how I could get into being a major player in James' sex life " ... well guess what buddy! Through the wonders of the government sticking one of them wireless cameras in my room - you can actually WATCH my sex life. I'm sure it's being broadcasted right this moment to some sweedish XXX site. In any event ....
Anywho - let me first address what you were thinking to yourself " How do i get to be a sex slave for James? " --- Well ... you see I have a strict dress code - and a list of check offs. Some of the check offs are as follows :
1. You are a woman.
2. You are a good looking woman.
3. You have no want to wear a strap-on and fuck me.
4. I like the cut of your jib. ( ha ha ha )
sure, you may think that there shouldn't be a reason for the check-off #3 -- but when you hang around with phallic-crazed lesbians down at the local pub, you hear some stories that you wouldn't like to hear. Take for instance - I know of this one girl who was so obcessed with her plastic strap-on-pee-pee that she once tried to sneak it into one of her girlfriend's MAC DONALDS french fries box. Little did she notice the big plastic penis in her box - until right when she had dipped it into her ketchup and was getting ready to stick it in her mouth - a passer by had said " HEY JESUS CHROIST THATS A PLASTI-PENIS! " and realising the horror, she bitched out her phallic-obcessed friend. Yes. These things do happen. it's what happens when you give a woman KITTY LITTER - KITTY LITTER promotes homosexuality in women. This I know. here - take this photo I recently stole from our local Kitty Litter distribution centre. You'll notice that she obviously has been inhaling too much kitty litter fumes.
Moving on ... where was I before we got stuck with the dangers of kitty litter? Oh yes! MY SEX LIFE - well you see I recently had over a girl you see - and she's kind of hot - and if you'll notice in the picture there is a poster in the background / yes / i admit it - i am a beatles fan ( actually - to tell you the truth - i'm not / but she was - so i figured i could bullshit it / go out and buy me a poster and a european flag and stick it on my wall and she'd fuck me - go figure )
So she comes over - and she sees this poster on the wall right - and then she sees my flag - and she says " YOUR A BEATLES FAN?! " and I said " You bet I am, I have all their albums! " and then she asked to see them - and I said they're all in mint condition and that exposing them to light would actually damage them so I keep them in the basement locked in a box - and I never open the box - and she said " Well then how do you listen to them? " and I looked her in the eyes and said " I make my own music... " and then she quickly turned, flipped up her skirt, and placed her ass above me in which so I could place my greasy hands all over. That is exactly when this picture was taken :
Yeup - so she's over there in the corner now moaning my name. I better go give her what she needs. Also - you might be wondering where my other two bitches went. You see - I was so much for them that they've actually stopped being lesbians and I only have them on MONDAYS now - and as today is TUESDAY I have my beatles fan chic.... yeup.
life is great when you're fucking so many different women at the same time....
you bet.
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