August 31, 2003

first of all.

I'd like to say that dialup is a boswanian whore's worst nightmare.
it is like being gangbanged by six mexicans who all ate spicy burritos and have bad gas and being forced to give each and every single one of them rim jobs while they attempt to foot out the alphabet with their flatulence.

yes.

secondly, my paypal account 'went under' so to speak - it seems that the donations ( 10$ total, 2 incriments of 5$ from bradbury ) had to be 'accepted' - so they took the payment ( 25$ ) out of my bank account, which then put that under, and washington mutual decided to tag an extra 22$ onto that. those fuckers. In any event - Im looking at rehosting the website to (apisnetworks mostly because I can get a discount for being a SA goon. It should cost about 5$ a month - I already have a pretty crazy neat idea for something with that. In any event.

The "domain" for this might run out soon, and Im not going to shell out the $$$ for keeping it alive ( mind you, for those who are panicing, AHAHAH, it isnt to say the website itself will be down. I shall explain :

Domain is (blahblahblah.com) - ie : what you type in to get to the website
Webhost is where the files (txt, pictures, data) is kept

So its like like changing the title of a book - but keeping the book intact. )

anywho.
with signing up with these people, with the discount they offer domain registration for free.
the question is : anyone have any suggestions as to a website URL?

it has already been suggested

trippin-mad.com
or
mad-trippin.com

from the quote with the girl " Im just trippin man its all good "
anyone else have any ideas?
Oh poor Zacho...

It seems like he's havin' trouble with the pussies again.
Smorkevin: are you gonna beat 10 people up with a bamboo stick
Yoshi9682: like Nunchuckau, Katana, Quarterstaff and Wakisashi
Smorkevin: o
Yoshi9682: Bamboo?! Fuck that! It's made out of like oak and it has steel in the middle for extra weight. very painful!
Yoshi9682: You get hit in the shin or face with one of those, you're not getting back up! Think of it as like a really mean and pretty stick...
Smorkevin: or someone can just pull out a gun when you are twirling your stick around and shoot you
Yoshi9682: I'd kick it out of your hand before you had your finger on the trigger!
Yoshi9682: And then your hand would be broken!

pretty interesting what you find when you randomly press paste on your computer after not having been home all day
but this is the real reason i was gonna post
Bear
What Is Your Animal Personality?

brought to you by Quizilla

August 30, 2003

Why do the parents of severely handicapped kids send them to school?

Because the school has to provide "equal" education for every child, even the ones with the approximate brainpower of spinach.

At the taxpayers' expense, they have to provide someone to feed the little retard, wipe the little retard's ass and play fucking games with the little retard all day, and call it education.

It boils down to this: You don't want to watch twitchy-drooly the short-bus special eat lunch, neither do it's parents.

They're so sick of their little "present," school becomes "send it there to keep it busy so we don't have to pay for invalid care until it turns 18."
you know all the disabled people have the same lunch as me in school. i dont like it all. it may not be there fault but i dont enjoy watching there food run down there face with there tongue out while i eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. some of those kids are just out of it. so i ask WHY THE HELL DO THERE PARENTS SEND THEM TO SCHOOL? i mean there not gonna learn anything.. they cant even eat there lunch. I GOT IT. all children must be able to eat there lunch without getting 25% of it on there face or body to come to school. damn that wont work. i go to yeeealm with all the stupid rednecks they are almost as bad. but back to my first question, there is no point in sending a kid that out of it to school you know there not learning anything and they just provide something that horribly disgust me on a daily basis.
its almost four am
i keep asking myself why the hell im awake....and you know im not really getting any answer, maybe im asleep. ive this tequila that i guess ive been debating with myself allnight about wether i should drink it or not i mean i have some apple juice that i can mix it with but then it would be blue apple juice...interesting thought really.
its about four am
i yawn...therefore i sleep? doesnt sound right does it, no it just dont possess the fluidity of something as deep as "STFU nOOB!!"
On that subject does anyone know where i can get my hands on some crickets or grasshoppers, perhaps some small sort of nuisance animal that i could buy in bulk and spread gleefully around a Wallmart or something....i hate them but i love them at the same time. Its kinda depressing to walk in and be overwhelmed by the scent of waffle crisp and white trash and the overpowering noise of screaming children and stupid parents (kinda like chucky chesse back before they got rid of the ballpit)
one of these days im gonna buy some ammo....because i can, nevermind that i cant really do anything with it because im not yet old enough to buy an actual gun...wait how is that gonna stop me, my dad lives out in roy hes got guns...and i work at a friggen gunclub...now to find me a barn full of pigeons.
"Hey Leroy, git outcher hotplate we's eating feathered rat tonight!!"
FIRST POST GLORY

gotta love it when your roommate decides to get a cat...and then decides she doesnt like it anymore when she realises it shits. so then she doesnt change the litter box for a montha nd bitches about how she hates teh cat amnd wants it gone. so finally she gets rid of the cat....but refuse sto cleen up the mess its litterbox made in MY bathroom.

but the real kicker here..is the fleas. they lived on the cat and when the cat left they had nowhere to go but into everything we sit and sleep on and wear. one bug bomb was deployed..but she didnt seal off teh vents or the door or make sure all teh closets and cabines were open...so it was pretty much completely usesless.

well the real stopry here is instead of using the new bug bombs we bought tomorrow...shes throwing a goddamn party.

her - "i hope you dont work sunday morning"
me - why?
her - because were havinga huge ass party here tomorrow night.

something tells me im about to find out how aaron fealt that night that me james and mike stayed up all night playing x-box.

i hate disabled people.

August 29, 2003

hhmm... Well I read through the better portion of the americans with disabilities act, and most all of it is refering to Employers discriminating against the disabled applicants who want a job. Personally, I think this sort of legislation is bullshit. I should be able to hire whomever I want to work at my company. If I want to start a fast food chain and hire only large breasted women in wife beaters, I think I should be able to do that.

I completely agree that there should be wheelchair ramps at the post office, and at any government institution. That's a good thing, and if companies decide to add extra facilities to accomodate the disabled, hey..that's awesome. What I have a problem with is the attitude of entitlement coming from those who are supposedly disabled. The attitude is a persistent, "I'm disabled so you HAVE to do this for me."

About a month ago I walked into the bathroom at the local community college, and some guy with his left arm crumpled against his side asked me to help him button his pants. I looked him straight in the eye and told him "NO." He asked me again and again, adn I told him that I wouldn't help him again and again... he got pissed off and asked why I wouldn't help him, and I told him I wasn't comfortable touching his pants. What the hell kind of attitude is that? I can only use one arm, so button my pants for me... FUCK YOU BUDDY...

For all I know, he would ask me to help and then turn around and claimed I felt him up or something, and try to sue me. It's much safer to just not get involved. You know what? He could have bought pants with vel-cro... come on.. If *I* was handicapped, er..um.. I mean handi-capable.. I would figure out how not to be dependent on others... I wouldn't want to be dependent on others if it was possible.

Oh, and the woman who was supposedly disabled in the whole losing my job scenario.. I recall seeing her come out of the house very fast when I was doing power slides in her driveway a few weeks ago...
[For a bit of comic relief]

So here's something interesting...

I didn't realize that I left this program called running...
which allows people to download pictures that I have taken... and files that I have written, and movies that I have made... and audio recordings that I have put together (yes it's one of those)

So i thought, "heh, i wonder what other people have been downloading from me"...

so I checked... and nearly fell out of my seat dying of laughter...

for this was one fo the downloaded files: "James [i like penis].jpg"

It's hilarious because... someone downloaded that image i captured from my screen where james' head is floating about and a text bubble is sticking out that says, "i like penis"...

but to the layperson perusing pictures, they saw that title and thought, "oh yummm gay porn about a guy named james"

HAHEHEHA, so now james' head is not only floating around saying "i like penis" but it's floating around inside the head of some other guy whackin' it while imaging james screaming at the top of his lungs, "oh yea, i like the penis"

HEHEHAHAHAHEEHAHA... and suddenly the world opens up to me, as i realize... the board is only where some fun can be had... why not spread photoshopped fun of james through this little application...

and just name it random things. Now, i had this thought before, but i always wondered how well it worked. This however, only proves that it will.

For those curious about what other pictures...

they also downloaded a picture of james and andy meeting bullrabbit (ask them for more info on that if you're that curious) and a picture of that nambla thing... i think that was the man-boy post i made about for my most vile posts... or it was the fat-association... i forget which...

either way... it's still funny.
There are two key things you are forgetting Jordan:

1) The customer is always right. Especially when they can call your boss and get you fired.

2) The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). While it's a little blurry as to whether this applies to you, it's not something to fuck with. The government has NO sense of humor when it comes to matters of businesses not making concessions for cripples.

A bit different for paper boys, moreso considering you put the tube by the existing mailbox, but they could still make life suck for you.

Oh, wait, they did.

A little thing called "Customer Service" might have helped you here....
So just recently.... I lost my job... and through shitloads of effort, and the fact that my manager likes me and doesn't want to have to train someone else to do my job.. I was able to get the termination of my contract reduced to a period of probation...

For those of you who don't know, I deliver newspapers... a lot of them. It's good money for the little time I have to spend, I don't have to wake up til noon, It's very flexible and I like it. This whole thing happened because 1 guy was pissed off at me, and went and talked to the publisher. His claims were that I discriminate against disabled people, because when he called me up and started threatening me and making demands that I provide extra service for his mother and law or he was going to "raise hell."

I basicly told him to go fuck himself, and the next day when I went into the office my manager handed me a letter than said simple. "according to your contract either party can cancel it for any reason, and we are, you have til the end off september."

Now that it has been reduced to a probation, I'm not so worried.. but still my name has been soiled. Me moving some old woman's box across the road next to her mailbox like everyone else's is NOT enough to get me canned. The phone call from tuesday was a good snapshot of his attitude and intentions, and based on that I think he went to the publisher and told a bunch of fucking lies....

So now... here I am... in a really shitty volatile position because of this miserable little fuck. I knew who he was long before all this crap happened. He's in his late 40's and paints houses and wipes disabled/old people's asses for the state. He was studying to be a nurse, but quit because it was "too hard." All in all, a total pussy... and a complete moron.

Now... the question I pose to the board is this.... How far is too far when it comes to revenge? When he was tracked down in person he said that with my attitude about the disabled he didn't care if I lost my job. He has no remorse...

So what do I do now? Well.. lots of things... I'm looking for some creative suggestions that would be a fitting retaliation for getting me fired.

August 28, 2003

Things i learn from working with Asian people
1. Good food smells bad when its wet
2. You can claim broken english as a second language.
3. If anyone calls you friend and hands you dishes to wash in the same breath, they are not your friend.


more in the future....
The hot shop coordinator, Chuck Lopez, kept telling me "Quit work, make art" while I was at Pilchuck.

Tuesday the question was raised to me at work, if I wanted to drop from 260 working days a year (standard full-time year round) and work 180 days a year (match the school year).

Today I was given the choice yea or nay, the paperwork has to be submitted. They are "creating" four such 180 day positions, giving the current techs first crack. Once they're filled, they won't be opened again until vacated (i.e. someone quits or is fired, both rare occurrences). Once you've resigned the 80 days, you can't get them back unless a 260 day position is vacated.

Basically, do it now, or don't get the chance. If you do, you're stuck there.

What's this represent? Roughly a thirty percent cut in pay, as the 180 position pays the same hourly as the 260, but you work fewer hours in the year. Still twelve paychecks a year, just smaller checks, and 80 extra days off.

So, I'll be a broke SOB for a little while (only planning on staying two more years tops), but I now have summers off.

Baby steps towards "Quit work, make art."

Here's to not being stuck in the same 9-5 hell for the rest of my damn life.

Cheers.
its popular to be anti fat nowadays.

its not popular to be anti california.

i applaud you jeff-0

and then i think about the time i kisse dyou on the cheek in seattle and you walked away scared. and i laugh a lot. because that is quality right there.



i like how when james walks into my bedroom and sees a pepsi bottle half full of my own piss he thinks its gross.....yet a crpown royal bottle half full of his piss is to be praised and hailed as....cool. or something.
maybe i just dont understand why i watched jameses piss crown royal bottle for an hour on teh webcam and had no idea what was up with that.

well fuck me in the ass and call me gay.......i think ill just go to bed now.

August 27, 2003

Hahahaehhe

The news.... no i take that back... Q13 Fox is the best source for comedy...

their poll: "Should an employer be allowed to fire someone for being overweight?"

97% of poll respondents said YES.

NINETY-SEVEN!

HEhahaehehahaheheahehehaehahaaa

Apparently while people like me hate California, others are off hating and wanting Fat people to go jobless...

HEHAHEHEA

Oh and i forgot to say this earlier but... that lady with the Krispy Kremes...

yeah... i bet she was Californian too. Only a Californian would be stupid enough to park their camper next to a soon-to-open Krispy Kreme.
Hahahahahaha
hahaha

Krispy Kreme...
ahehahaeha

This lady... ahhaha and her son... ahaheaha parked their van outside... ahahaha waiting for months before one opened...a haehehaha and she was like: "i could have spent $5000 on a vacation and not had as much fun as this!" ahehahaehehahaeha

OMG... haheheaha

For my part, I could have spent $5000 dollars and I don't think I would have heard something as funny.
[Robo-BusDriver]

Jimmy called me while i was on the bus today.

Always the slacker that guy...
so we were talking...

and constantly, constantly interrupted by the bus-driver...

who was pointing out things along side the road...

---

Now let me explain why this is such an annoyance.

First there is the voice. He sounded like a robot. A black-man, black-bus driving robot. Even jimmoi thought so. Actually he thought our bus driver was an ewok... but that's just cause jimmoi's in alaska, and cause marriage is drivin' him insane.

Secondly... the bus driver's route is through ranier ave, through suburbia Seattle.

That's right... SUBURBIA SEATTLE.

Yet, with every stop it was, {in metallic voice} "... and over here there is the {gasp} the Post Office {hearty robotic laugh}... and two your left is the swimming pool... fo' schnizzle yo, this is route 48 on the west side {more hearty laughter}"

... and yes, before you ask... he did say fo' schnizzle and he did say west side.

Yet another reason why i hate Metro.

I betcha he was Californian.
I make a damn good pie.
I have been gone for many, many moons... on a vision quest of great importance...

but now i return... and low and behold... Napster posts...

but alas that plan won't work, because it won't be bloody enough... CALIFORNIA MUST FALL...

Meh, in other news... findin' a roommate is hard...

at least a somewhat responsible and clean roommate... and one that is not from arabia...

The ones who are like... "we live good, i move in... friends we be"...

it's like they all speak worse than Yoda, and they aren't Jedi Masters, so really there is no redeeming quality... the only thing that would be worse would be to move in with zach-o and have a carpet of jones soda... or jimmy and have a carpet of black encrusted underwear, or james, and a carpet of pieces of X-Box and scribbled notes from 1998.

to that i say, BAH!

August 26, 2003

I wish I had the amusement of asian people fighting around me. I took a ceramics class over the summer at my local community college as did some international students. There was a cantonese guy, a korean guy, a tiawanese girl, a chinese girl, and a japanese girl.

When I realized how time consuming the class was, I snickered to myself imagining the arguments that would break out among the asians as a result of everyone being there so much, and obscene comments left on the board in chinese characters. Much to my dissapointment, they all seemed to get along. I envy you Big Brother Napster.
its 7.27 am.

i have a job to go out on and i havent even checked remedy. im sure there about 4 i can work on today. theres two computers to be delivered and two laptops to be rebuilt, and readded to the domain. theres three computers for secure comm that needs new NICs and hardrvies and a stack of account creations to do and another stack to file. and its only tuesday.

im skipping the morning briefing again and it seems that someone decided to delete my profile on this machine so i dont have Divx on it. its not liek i had time to watch movies today, but it still pisses me off. fuckers.

weeeee. work.

Ok yah so i know i havent posted in awhile....just really havent had much to say and all the bullshit.
But now i have to share this all with you.
Ive started a small hate group at my work. Dont worry im not going to be shaving my head and running around buring cloth or anything and dragging ethnic people out into the street and beating them with clogs.
As some of you may or may not know i work at a Chinese Restaurant, cleaning all the wasted food that everyone sends back to the kitchen at the end of the meal (all those starving Ethiopians)......
*side note*
jeff on the subject of californians i recall them as being lover of all things foreign as long as the foreign peoples are nowhere around....perhaps if we were to take some of the wasted food from my work, poison it, and open up a Chinese restaurant somewhere in the middle of Cali...with funds apropriated from your friend Harry Wappler's pension, perhaps we could bring down california
.....anyways back to the thing with China Wok, One of the cooks there asked me if i could round up some trees for him because he wanted to plant them on his property, weird thing is that he lives in Auburn, and for some reason ive always pictured Auburn as not having much rural space to it...but hey as long as hes paying right? So i take the day off from the gunclub on sunday morning and head out with my buddy Ron to partake in some early morning tree poaching. After five hours of hiking around a 40 acre pasture, looking for trees of the right species and height, as well as digging the damn things up, and dodging the occasional motorcyclist which ended up with either of us laying face down in a patch of nettles... i took the trees to the restaurant for the guy to inspect. This guy is pretty much going apeshit...he didnt think id do it. So then comes the question of price. i tell him that its going to be about 20 bucks a tree, which is a steal seeing as how trees that size(somewhere between 4 and five feet) in a nursery would cost considerably more...he says he doesnt want to pay 60 bucks, and then tries telling me that he only wanted 1, instead of the three that he asked for the previous day. Well i wasnt about to leave with three trees in the truck...so i grudgingly knocked the price down to 30 dollars and left with a fake smile on my face.
Fast forward a couple days...apparantly the guy i sold it too was Cantonese, now all the chinese people who work there are pissed off at this guy, they were telling me how they were giving him alot of shit....this one guy called Hai- Chi (who i shall from here on out refer to as "The Tall-one") told me that he actually struck the guy a few times. He kept saying "He Cantonese, no like, no good....me shanghai...Charlie Shanghai". So now this guy is pretty much on everybody's shit list....and its a great feeling. And sure im mad, but its not like im gonna hunt him down...its just another in a long list of people ripping me off.

August 25, 2003

I found zacho to be bitter.

...

Maybe I was sucking on the wrong end? O_o
yeeeup.

zacho is such a swell guy. a sweet swell likable guy. this is why im in love with him. soooo much in love. heres looking at you kid.

im tired. i think im goign to go to sleep when i get home, take a nap fun stuff. its raining so im certain that we wont be doign pt today. yay. my room is still a disastor area and theyre doing room inspections as we speak. aint it cool?

im kicked out of c2 for now because there was a CMI (classified matriel incident) so i cant work back their sinc ei dont have a TopSecret clearence.

today i went out on three jobs and screwed around for about 40 good minutes. im in my blues right now, and everyone thinks i got into trouble or something. i love this nazis sweater.

this post is not going to attack anyone. im not in the mood to flame anybody---mainly because i dont have anything to bitch at you peopel about. i dont know anyof you anymore, youve all changed into meat gazing homos.

oh and i finally watched Being John Malcavich. i liked it.
(actual conversation between a guy at the house i work at and one of the other guys who works there)

sex offender guy: im bored lets do something

employee: ok um what do you want to do

sex offender guy: lets play hide and seek!

employee: NO! THATS WHAT GOT YOU HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!





yes bonnie...i am a sweet guy. thanks for noticing.

August 24, 2003

Well, I'm back. Damnit.

Had a three-hour blow slot after dinner, everything I made hit the floor. Not one damn thing left my blowpipe and went into the annealer. Fuck. As soon as the last one hit the floor, I cleared my bench of all the tools, said a few goodbyes and went home.

Strange ending to a very strange experience.

Now, I must sleep.
man, zach, have i ever told you how much i love you? it must be because you're such a sweet guy.
Damn, there is nothing better than a couple of games of pool and alcohol...

and the realization that instead of playing worse with each drink... you play so much better :)

At least I do. Mwahaha... excellent.

Anyone know of a good place to go to get a relatively good cue-stick for cheap?

August 23, 2003

yeah bonnie...i do believe most every one on the board has seen that movie.

so um...yeah. DUH
geez, umm, jordan i guess I didn't really have a point. i just really like france so i got mad. about the starbucks thing, i saw a guy from highschool in there that day and he's an uppity pussy, so really i only saw one, not 30. and yeah, maybe i'm mildly uppity, but i'm not a pussy. why do i always explain myself? anywho...guys, "how exactly does one suck a fuck" is a line from James' favorite movie. but thanks for all your input. i feel so enlightend now. Anyway, I have to go have family day with my family. We're going to a seahawks game. I wish my dad would have just given me the 50 bucks he spent on the ticket considering i don't even like football and i REALLY don't like the seahawks.
id have to say that the best job i have ever had was named rebecca.


james...i saw you the other day. in ohio. except you were taller. and had on a nirvana t shirt under your suit jacket.

and i went "HOLY FUCKEN HELL JESUS LISTENS TO NIRVANA?!?!" and you said "NAY MY SON....FOR THIS SHIRT ON MINE BODY WAS FREE.....FOR IT IS WRITTEN...IF I GET JIZZ ON MY GODDAMN SHIRT...THOU SHALT FUCKING GIVE ME A SHIT TO WEAR HOME FROM THINE HOUSE OH HARLOTT OF PROMISCUITY"

and then i said....oh ok.

but then i woke up.....and realised that it wasa dream. a sexy sexy dream.

in keeping with the latest fashions....mr or miss un-named from tagboard can just suck a fuck. right out th eback door


WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO MIKE RIGNEY ANYWAYS?

oh and i guess just for the sake of everything...

jimmoi and jeff and jordan and james are all gay. and french. and they live on zach street. which soon i will document photgraphically to prove its existence.

August 22, 2003

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

it is asked, " what is the best job? "
oh this is easy, ( i say ) -
the 'best job' consists of a very well endowed blonde,
by endowed i mean breasticles, not testicles,
who spends the majority of her time around me on her knees.

she could be on her knees, and 'walking' or on her knees 'crawling' like a dog, but as long as she is on her knees, its all good.

oh shit - short hair too... short blonde hair. and grey eyes. and always wearing a skirt and always wearing some sort of really attractive shoes. she'll even keep them on in the shower. thats right. she'll wear shoes in the shower. motherfuckers. she's my shoe-wearing blonde-haired grey-eyed on-her-knees-all-the-time girl. where were we? oh. yes, the best job.

( on a side note, i would just like to point out to everyone that jeff never really ends any of his sentences. He always ends something with " ... " - which really agitates me because its like he never stops talking. When, in reality, all he does is listen to people talk about their shitty lives. Fuck, even I go to him sometimes and talk to him about my 'pee pee problems' I like to call them. Who else can I attack in this side bit? Oh. Zach is a flaming homosexual who always accuses other people of being gay. He has this 'projection' problem you see, he sees the faults ( or in this case, sexual prefrence ) in other people that are actually his own faults ( and sexual preference ) and he just cannot conciously deal with that fact ( that he enjoys taking it in the ass by spanish men who wear alligator suits and chant french songs about wiccan whores ) - and Jimmoi. Don't get me started on Jimmoi. You want to know the only reason why he's "getting on jordan's case" ? Because Jimmoi tried to 'get with' Jordan ( really, who hasnt Jimmoi tried to 'get with' - wait, no, thats Mike. In which case, what happened to mike rigney? - remember when I tried to make that a catch phrase? oh shit im going into a side tangent in a side note ) - So Jimmoi comes up to Jordan and asks him if he could give Jordan a blowjob and Jordan was like : " Dude, you're asian. Where is your car? " - and Jimmoi cannot help being asian. His slanted eyes gets him in trouble a lot of time, especially in the air force. His commanding officers always think he is 'falling asleep on the job' - and he says " SORRY SARGE ITS MAH EYES DEY IS SLANTED " - when in fact, he is just sleeping on the job. I dont know who to hit next so this is the end of my side note. )

and then she'll come up to me with like, drinks. Whisky on the rocks. In a nice glass, and say : " Sir, here is your drink. May I interest you in anything else? " while slowly rubbing my inner thigh. I'll look down to her and say " You know, now that you mention it, there is something else you might be able to get me. " - and I'll send her off to the kitchen to get something for me and watch her fine ass walk/crawl away on her knees.

Im pretty hungry.
Yeah.

thats the best job.
what is the best job?
on the 5th of september I start a job at the scoone both at the fair
Holly fuck who let out all the gay???

Jesus criost such whiney pathetic assreamers, jesus man-gina.

[Monkey love]

... so yeah i was thinken, lets go camping or something, DT wants to go do something and camping sounds fun, ill bring a fishen pole this time =)
it doesnt have to be EXACTLY like last time, just .... burgers, tents, anal passions at night, the screams of sex-static ...sex... maby when zacho is be teh comming up again. that would be cool. indeed.

On another note, your all fucking jews that need a big dildo up the ass!! YOU FUCK ASS
ps suck a big cucumber.


[Synergistic]

A strange thought occurred to me...

but I can't remember it, so instead i'll post about this new idea I had...

Have you ever noticed how recent heros have a saying for when they are about to kick your ass. Hell, it's to the point where even non-heros and lay-people have those sayings...

Like, take for instance, Marvel's Hero, the Thing: "It's Clobberin' Time!"

OR there's Arnold's "I'll Be Back!", right before he comes back driving a car to ram straight into your chest cavity.

These "kick your ass" sayings are everywhere and come in different shapes and different sizes. I mean, just look at Pulp Fiction for a draw out, but nicely executed one from Mr. Sam Jackson. I mean, damn... it makes me wish i was black, had an afro, and a black suit so that i could quote Bible Scripture just before bustin' a cap in yo's asses, for realz...

I mean, even James has a variant... Zacho often heard it when he was down here, and it went something along the lines of: "It's ass-Reamin' TIME!"...

of course, that was less "ass-kickin'" and more... well, you know...

So to that end, I've decided to have my own, for whenever you people piss me off and i'm forced to open up a can o' whooooop-ass and whatnot...

and it shall be a great comglomeration of two other great sayings, so as to be able to hold in all of my great and thunderous wrath...
... and it shall be:

It's Pity Time!



That's right... a mixture of The Thing and Mr. T... two of the baddest of the bad-asses...

---

Now, with all the time in the trenches during this struggle with California, I've also had some time to realize something else...

Along with my great saying, that I use whenever i cut down some smog-breathin', ultra-yuppie, hollywood screenwriting, Gigli-producing Californian, I need a Pity-List, just like Mr. T had, back in the day...

That's write... a list of the top people that should watch themselves should they ever cross paths with me...

so, to start out Jeff's Pity List...

Let's introduce my first Pity: VERN FONK

Now, we are all familiar with Vern Fonk Commercials... I mean, who isn't... that bastard is everywhere you channel surf... unless your in Alaska, like some "supposedly" homosexual people, or Cleve-natti, like some "closet-longing for asian meat" other people... and you can't escape it. His latest Commercial series, going off of the Sopranos...

using the clever moniker: the Vernpranos, features two "wise-guys" about to beat some guy for crashing into them... or them crashing into him, i don't really give a rats ass... then they stop when they see he has a Vern Fonk sticker...

WHAT THE BLAZING, PITYING FUCK!? There is some real problems here people... First of all, what if that bastard doesn't really have Vern Fonk Insurance... what if he just has the sticker... I mean damn... I'll just get the sticker so that Vern Fonk won't come try to kick my ass... (which i'd like to see him try, and you'll understand more in a second).

Secondly... no... you know what, there is no secondly... there is no secondly cause those stupid commercials are pissing me off and i don't even care if they make sense or not anymore. OOooh, look, it's Vern Fonk as Forrest Gump... OOOH look, it's Vern Fonk as Tony Soprano... OOOh look, it's Vern Fonk as Eminem...

DAMN YOU VERN FONK.... how's about trying to do VERN FONK AS THE REAL VERN FONK!?!

Yes, that's right, I know you're secret.

For years, all of you have been duped into thinking that this:

this, balding man is the one and only Vern Fonk...

but guess what... he's not.

Rather... this lowly, viagra-munching man:

is the real Vern Fonk.

Doesn't it just taint your view of Vern Fonk Insurance...

Oh yeah, i'll Honk when I drive by Vern Fonk... right before I turn around and drive INTO Vern Fonk...

If i seem a tad bit irate, it's because I am... this lowlife tricking us... not to mention the fake vern fonk is some actor named Rob Thielke. Now this bastard is in a movie called "Doomed Planet", which looks like something that Something Awful would rate as probably a -40... perhaps even lower...


This man should not be allowed to procreate, if there were to be such a ban... since there is not, he is on my Pity List 2003.

Furthermore, I betcha that one of those two Vern Fonk's is Californian.

*Note: I'd like to thank Mr. Harry Wapler for his covert investigations using a small wireless laptop, while taking breaks from watching porn. Good work Wappler
jimmoi needs to shut up. and its not because he likes penis cock. see..we already know that jimmoi is a homosexual......so harping on and on about how jimmoi is gay would be kind of pointless. and i mean i am talking star trek deep space nine pointless.

no the reason jimmoi needs to shut up is because he is fat. and because one tim ehe wore the same underwear for a month and they turned first yellow then brown then black. i mean....seriously..whats the point of having black crusty underwear if it doesnt turn your skin black and make your cock 18 inches long with a craving for young male turtles?

but i mean all that is irrelevant because i just took a dump.

i have to work tonight so i am going to sleep now.
of course by her pointing out that she was being sarcastic, she was probably trying to point out that she believes that you were too dumb to reliese she being sarsastic, or that on text sarcasm is lost...course...i could be sarcastic now---wait, am i being sarcastic? i cant tell. oh dear. course, by explaining that she was implying that you were too stupid to catch the fact that she was being sarcastic, im implying that you were too dumb to pick up on that she was implying that she was being sarcastic. but i dont believe you are stupid jordan. i think you are intellegent and funny, but i havent seen a good flame war on the board in a while, so i think this can be funzo.

i think we should all just sit back and suck a fuck. here how i think you can suck a fuck jordan:

Step 1 Get a frisbee from the store or friend.
Step 2 Clean the Frisbee.
Step 3 Make sure your parents aren’t around
Step 4 Put something slippery on it, like butter or cream.
Step 5 Get really super pissed.
Step 6 Fold the Frisbee hard (this is crucial)
Step 7 Keep folded and insert Frisbee into mouth hard.
Step 8 Push hard until you can’t see it.
Step 9 Wait.
Step 10 Die.

for zach, i think we can just ignore his posts about frenchies cus we all know that he's french. and he lives in cleveland. he's in denile. and we know what his comeback will be. "yourein denile cus you like penis" which is true, so whats your point fuck ass? i love you zach.

uhm....i could attack others. but im tired. and i think i have to work...not sure. its friday. yay. yippeeee. and you ass jigglies better fucking respond to this-like burninate me hardcore dammit. keep the fucking slugs alive. attack a friend.



-its a link!-
*points to the post before this one*


OHHH BURRRN!!!!!
Yeah, "Bonnie Seaborn" I'm also trying to figure out what you meant by 30 whiney pussies at Starbucks. I'm confused, are you categorizing people who go to Starbucks as "uppity" because they pay $4 for coffee? Wouldn't you yourself be included in that group as you were present to observe said "uppity pussies"? You're already a bitch, but I do appreciate you exercising the self restraint before your status is upgraded to "total bitch."

Just so you know... you don't usually state that you're using sarcasam, it's supposed to be obvious.. which is the nature of sarcasam. Once you've gotten that concept down, you might want to brush up on your "being clever" skills.
FIRST POST GLORY

everyone knows the real story of suckinga fuck started a long time ago in mexico.

see....some americans were rthere...chasing some injuns....when they came upon a villiage of french mans. and they said"WHO TEH FUCK ARE YOU!?!?!" and the french mans were like "FRENCHMANS WEE WEE" and the americans said various things baout "no i dont have to pee" and then they linched some black men who trie dto escape but they caught them and this wa sthe first time they had a chance to linch em since they started chasing the injuns....who were vile killers.....who needed to be wiped out becaus ethey arent human.

anyways...they shat on the frenchmanses house. and then they went and realised thath the frenchmanses were gay. so then they kille dthem because gays are not right in gods eyes.

well then they forgot why tehy were there...but all they knew was that thee were a whole lot of mexican women not having sex with them..so they raped them.

mean while in europe some guys kidnapped a boy and fed him to rats....because asian boys have no place in this country in europe. it was his own fault for being there.

well it was pretty soon figured out that they should start killing everyone in china. but first they had to kill everyone who was from a different religion..because they are pagans...and not right in gods eyes.

somewhere along the way....in russia i believe...a man named hermon(hermon was a germon) had sex with a bunch of russian women. but he got tired of fucking them..so he made them give him head.

and then he said"wow thats almost like fucking..but you are sucking my little comrade"

so then he called it a suck fuck. which in the origional latin means "your mom is a gross disgusting perverted dirty whore whos anus i have penetrated many a day under the full sun with a hint of rain in the air in the back room of the bakery an dthen i stuck my dick in a pastry and sold it to you for whatever currency they use in that country"


well after that it caught on...

the word changed a bit...well it turned into the phrase we now all know and love SUCK A FUCK......but the meaning will always be open to interpretation.

THATS HOW YOU GODDAMN SUCK A FUCK BONNIE

jesus christ didnt any of you take history in high school????

fuck

August 21, 2003

how DOES one ' suck a fuck ' - it is asked,
and asked again.

One can easily ask the same question of Donnie Dorko.
IM DONNIE DARKO!!!!!!!! HURRR



or his sister, Donna Darkie.
har har harafdooob boofo


now surely the specific meaning of ' suck a fuck ' can be debated on and on. I could invite some frenchmen to the board and have them tell you how it originated in spain and then wild goats that were on battleships immigrated over with it branded into their hind ends and the "native americans" or "GAMBLE IN MY CASINO" as they like to be called now, took up the name and used it to refer to cheap whores. Eventually the cheap whores got offended by this but I wont go into their story because all in all I dont have any frenchmen at my disposal and I dont want to stand around like two penises staring eachother down.

Im starin at you more thun you starin at me!


but just so that this post isnt " wasted " so to speak.
I'll repost an old story that you all may rembember...

The story of the enema without a butt


Once upon a time in a magical fantasy enema-forest-type setting, there was a young enema called "Edward." Edward wandered throughout the magical fantasy enema-forest moping around, slouched over... sad.

cry cry cry, slouched, mr. sad edward the enema

He wandered far (yes, waaay past that one tree) and farther still, always moping. always sad, hunched over - for he himself wasn't all that liked in the Magical Fantasy enema-forest kingdom.

still crying.  lookat that pathetic piece of water-filled plastic

Edward the enema soon passed the tree and left it far behind him... then came a cloud that seemed to mock his misery. He tried not to look at the cloud that mocked him, so he continued to slouch. Continued to walk.
And continued to be sad.

you would think by now the dumb-shit would like... jump off a large cliff. unfortunately, i didnt feel like drawing any large cliffs

Butt then all of a sudden, something new, and hairy appeared! It shone and beckoned for him to come closer. It wiggled and wagged its floppy self so much that it got Edward's attention. It began to make Edward feel much better. He began to smile, unaware of the fact that the tree that he had pass wasn't so far away after all - as it was still waaaay off in the distance.

what is this hairy wiggling thing that does make an Edward smile? what is it indeed?

Just then, the wiggly hairy thing jumped upon his head and began to violently jump up and down on him. Edward didn't mind this - he just smiled wider and wider, and eventually stopped slouching. He had a friend now. All was happy and joyous in magical fantasy enema-forest land.

WHee! Hurrah! BUTT-SEX! commence the dances!

The end.


[afterthought]

If there is one thing you NEVER do on the board it's ask a question like how exactly do you "suck a fuck" because if you've been around long enough... you know one of a few possible outcomes are likely:

a) James will say "TZA!", find a hobo sit in front of him eating a cheeseburger, then pay the man $100 dollars for watching him eat the cheeseburger

b) claim that the Big Bang was all apart of his grand creation within the matrix of the Truman Show...

OR

c) explain and diagram how one goes about "sucking a fuck" - and believe me, you'll only end up even more confused, as more than likely james will use this as an opportunity to post against me... and i assure you that sucking a fuck will more than likely either


a) involve myself, zacho, or jimmoi and a goat, bear, weasel, river-otter, or shorebird and some deviant sexual act

b) involve himself and one of his hot bitches

OR

c) "TZA!"


You're only inviting the already invited.
Yeah, "Inverse Enigma" ...everyone hating the French is JUST like a pep rally. Gee, I'm surprised and shocked and, I have to admit, mildly jealous that I didn't think of that first. Aww...you caught me...I was being sarcastic because I really have no idea what the hell you're talking about. And as for uppity whiney little pussies, i saw about 30 of those when I went into Starbucks the other day, so I'm really just confused as to how I can respond further without being a total bitch. I'd say I want to kick your ass to next friday, but I don't want to come across as a bully, but really I'm not a bully...bla bla bla

Although I've never met Joe, I've seen pictures. I've met Chrissie and I think they'd be the most perfect couple ever.

Hey James...exactly how does one "suck a fuck"?
oh shit zach.

i didnt know you lived in cleveland, OHIO.
CLEVELAND ROCKS. CLEVELAND ROCKS.

DO YOU KNOW DREW CAREY?!
jeff.....krissy is not allowed to procreate. evar. such things are what end nations and begin wars and cause pestillences and famins and make people get really pissed off because they are sick of hearing about kurt cobain and ryan adams and paul westernbaconcheeseburger.......


james you dont get a goddamn lollipop because my penis saw your smiley face and ran away.

i was in cleveland the past couple days. I DONT LIVE IN CLEVELAND..I LIVE IN CINCINATTI i was visiting cleveland. just thought id explain taht again. but anyways....

what the fuck kind of city has EIGHT WAY STOPS? like you see a stop sign...and you stop and then ou look and there are like..7 directions you could possibly go. and which one do you go to to stay on the road you are currently on? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!!! jameses sexual preference for men is more obvious than that.

anyways.....

heres a dollar twentyfive and go fuck yourself.
[matchmaker]

Hey jOe... what about Chrissie? Hmmm... i mean she's shorter than you... and smaller... and tinier... almost like an ant really by comparison...

but if you have kids, maybe they'll be balanced out fairly well?

Just a genetical thought...
conjunction junction whats your funtion?

yay. i have yet to accomplish anything today.
yippeeeee.

i think sgt walker is goign to ask me to do something...he's walkign over here. poo.

im going to be stuck at work till 8 or 9 probably tonight. not sure yet. i hope not. i really dont wanna work over time. i hate werk.

blurghs.
Damn you jOe! you got first post of the day!

Bah!
That's it, you're on the front lines in my war against California.

Everyone, meet jOe... and that really is him, i didn't make it up.
I need a woman when will I get a woman.
Shit I may kill my self if I dont get a woman.

Help!!!

August 20, 2003

HAY
COCKSMOKERS


thats right.
deconstruction. finally someone is listening to me. what are you talking about son? pep rallies? jesus chroist it looks like everyone is coming out of the woodwork, and what the fuck is this shit about jimmoi writing haikus? of all the bloody poetry he has to get into, he writes haikus? you fuckin' homo - go suck a fuck or something.

by suck a fuck i mean " go suck a fuck " - I hope that comes through the translation well. I tried to translate 'zacho' from french into english and it came out "THERE IS NO ZACH STREET" - and so I shot the frenhman who translated it for me, but I didnt pay him. TEN PER NOTCH ( NEW NOTCH ) HE SAID. I SAID HE COULD ROT WITH SAINT PETER. YOU HEARD THE BITCH. NOW HERE IS MY HAIKU THAT I WROTE A LONG TIME AGO TO MAKE FUN OF HAIKUS. OH SHIT WHAT IS WITH THE CAPSLOCK ITS LOCKED. HAHAHA. GET IT. CAPSLOCKED. FUCK YOU.

nitrous oxide
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha


hey i fixed my capslock button. seems all i had to do i push it down. oh shit. what the hell is going on now. it wont capitalize anything. fuck! james! the president of the united states of america! shit shit shit, nothing is coming out with big letters! not even names! tza! oh my god! somebody come fix my keyboard it is freaking out! maybe someone has haxored my computer!

die.


now.

where is my lollypop?

hey jimmoi...fuck off and die. and by die i meanhave anal sex with me..twice. and by fuck off i mean..um...



anyways...i have a job abbysitting retarded sex offenders. haha. how fitting. 12 hour shifts. i think im supposed to actually di stuff. but i just sleep and tell them to shut up.

i live in cincinatti....not cleveland.

all the sports teams in ohio are named after indians. thi smust be because they kille dthem all..and now they feel bad..so they made the shittiest teams in each teams perspective sport/division/conference..and named them after various names for indians....and that is suppose dto make us feel better about ourselves. how the hell can you feel good about yourself when your favorite team is called the browns? and they are the worst team..... or the reds? thats not much better. oi maybe the basketball team has something to do with cows or something...but..um that isnt any cooler. GO COW HEARDING NAME TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



hey james...smile big or you wont get the lollipop. you fucker.

What are these pep rallies you speak of?
and by pep rally, you mean Nazis Book Burnings and by sporting event you mean bliztkreg and by whiny pussies you mean the french...oh -i see what youre talking about now.

i fucking hate poems
like god damn fucking haikus
bitch go kill yourself.


i think i might be in a bad mood...i dont know yet. i didnt sleep last night, and its been busy here at work. i dont mind work. i just hate alaska. and i hate the arferce. not the arferce, just the fact that i cant just leave or call in sick or go home. i want to go home. i dont like responsibility. i dont like having to wake up. i dont like fucking mexicans.

21 with ansgt
a whiney little fagget
fucking should shut up


so format computer rebuild overhaul deconstruction time today when i get home. so fun. its goign to be a lil party. pizza and chicken wings and shitty slyvester stallone movies. course. i'll probably end up sleeping and not doing any of it. weeee. horray for laziness.

going back to work
fucking hate my fucking life
die and burn in hell



For everyone who poses the question "Why does everybody hate the French so much?" Have you ever been to a pep rally at school? It's kind of like that... you know.. How excited you are when you're playing against the school whom you've beat over and over in every sport, and in retaliation they use their school colors in the form of krylon to cover your school's bus with graffiti because they hate losing. Then you have a reason to enjoy them going down, and during the pep rally you know your team will wipe the floor with theirs, and you want to see them fail, you want to see them humiliated. They say that your school is full of dumb jocks, and brag about the accomplishments of their chess club. They think they are more sophisticated than you, they think that your school is full of bullies. The thing is, you're not a bunch of bullies they're just a bunch of uppity whiny little pussies that need to be given a swirly every once in a while...

yeah... It's kinda like that...

August 19, 2003

I'm working on learning the phonetic alphabet.

Would "Opossum" be more appropriate for "O" or "P"? I want to come up with something where all of the words begin with a silent letter to confuse people.
wash your hands bitch!

Hey i post...

... mostly...

okay... somewhat mostly...

AH FUCK YOU JIMMOI! Besides, it takes awhile for these damn photoshopped images... which is the only reason why i post... to belittle everyone including myself...

and that bitch crystal...

oh, and VERN FONK! That's right Vern... I know your secret... you fuckin' ass-master... thought you could hide it, but NOOOOOOoooooo, you didn't do a good enough job. Yours will be coming buddy... just you wait.

Anyway...

otherwise... i wonder if breanna and justin do read this still. If so... hey guys, sorry i haven't called in a bit, i've been trying to set up the new house i live in and find a new roommate... which for some odd reason come to check out the place and never ever call back.

Bah.
HAHA


In Easton, Pa., in June, Richard James Clader, 38, was sentenced to at least seven months in prison for a series of episodes on state roads 22 and 33 in which eventually 27 people contacted authorities to report that a motorist (identified as Clader) had driven nude, with the horn blasting, while vigorously masturbating. Clader told the judge that he believes his behavior stemmed from feeling neglected as a child and later by his wife, but said he is making substantial progress.
well well well.

so i enjoy sleeping. sleeping is grand. yes. yes it is.

now. question. where the fuck is bradbury? did i miss something? whats the fuck is up with the glass blowing?

oi zach-give me your phone number, you ass niggler!

lets see who doesnt post anymore.

steven.
bradbury.
me.
jeff.
james.
bonnie.
jesse.
ds.
heather.
zacho.
napster.
michael.
mike.
drew.
well, lets just save time and space and just say everyone. lets just say the last 10 post have been less than spectaculrreasdgfshjg.
so what the fuck is the problem people? huh?
i dont post much now-cus i am a leeeech. i feed off of others. and when no one posts, than i dont post. i have nothign to post about. my life is useless. i am useless. i need this site. you see. i dont stay in contact with any of you fuckers. not that i dont care about youse or anything-cus i dont. its more because you fuckers dotn mother fucking post anymore. i dont know if zach sill has his thrid testical. if steven
still likes getting dressed up like raggity-anne and aaron like raggity-andy and make theyre lil home movies. i dont know this people. i need every dirty detail of your filthy lives, cus its none of my fucking business and i love hearing about it. dammit. the phone wont stop ringing. argh.

heh. took care of that problem. i fowarded 1612 to 4139 and fowarded 4139 to 1612. muhahah. no phone calls for c2 today.
two can be as sad as one its the lonliest number since the number one.

im bored. i need to come to werk drunk. than i will be something. well...sides from being a moron, a drunk. i need to be a lush. than i can be liek link and howell and get sent to AA and get out of werk. i hate werk.

so james-are you goign to reinstall planetside? i have yet to reinstall it. i still have to reformat my computer. let me know when you goign to reinstall it....im guessing never but eh. whatever. im hungry.

all systems go for me to come down again. just gotta know when. it would be neet if zachofivethousand comes down too though. but if i come down, i'll probably not be around too much. though i will see justin and breanna. they dont post anymore. do they still read this?

BREANNA!!! DO YOU READ THIS STILL??!? HEY!!

its only 0840. i really hate werk.

status of my missing leave: so i dotn think i told the board yet, and if i did, i doubt you fuckers noticed or read it. it was during the dean time. dean time? dead time. which is now. im sure this will be the only post of the day. yeup. i hate all of you fuckers. anywho-

the last tiem i came down it was only for 9 days. it was short, sweet and fun. i saw zacho for the first time in almost a year. saw everyone...well almost everyone, and it was fun. i say that again. it was fun. well, it seems that i never really got those nine days approved, so i technically went AWOL for those 9 days. i didnt get into any trouble for it, btu at the same time, i never actually told any one that wouldve soiled themselves. i told SGt Walker (who is a god amongst slackers, one of the last true air force supervisors-lazy to a fault, but laid back and"easy going") and he more or less covered it up. i took the leave last week, but worked. i "beat the system" i guess. whats funny is that if i didnt say anything-i mightve been able to just have taken free leave and used those 9 days to come down next month-or tac it on when i do come down (november-december-januaray...whenever).

which will beeeee put on a ballot and you fuckers will vote.
yeup. when do you fuckers wanna see the Niggler?

Januaray November December or Never


vote now and recieve this free t-shrit*:



Shirt will not be sent for free


well. my work here is done. the world is safe-once again. but for how long? but whenever evil and danger looms over the innocent, you can count on me-THE NIGGLER!!!

fuck off.

August 18, 2003

just a thought.

i wish i was black. that way-i can tell peopel to call me the Niggler. just a thought.
just a thought.

im tired.

August 17, 2003

SHOUT OUT TO MAH NIGGAS.

SUP.
this isnt a post I want to make. or type out.
so I figured this would be the best way to put it.

fill in the captions for each image -
and you should get the messege.



























yeup. that should do it.

August 16, 2003

Damn, there is something so addictive about Court TV and the forensic stuff they do... and the criminal profiling...

man i wish i took more crime psych classes in school... i need to start reading up on more of that stuff...

Just a thought.
mwahahaha

hanging up on people is fun :)

oh, and california sucks.
:)

August 15, 2003

If i had to vote, i'd go for Uptown Girls...

okay, no i wasn't serious.

I kinda wanna see Freddy vs Jason, just cause i remember as a kid, watching horror movies when I wasn't supposed to, i always wondered who was a more bad-ass psychopathic, paranormal killer.

Of course, now I'm all grown up...

Yes. Excellent.
oh man.
work is sooo fun.
weee.

so tonight, for movies---should i go see Freddy vs Jason, SWAT or uptown girl?

further proof that movies nowadays suck.
now back to work.
yum

August 14, 2003

...sure you don't, jeff. we all believe you....

August 12, 2003

poo
[updation]

Posting about the ongoing War to take California takes a lot out of a person, and takes a lot of time...

So i thought i'd take a breather from that and say...

I HATE THE NEW VERN FONK INSURANCE COMMERCIAL... it's just another rip-off of the Sopranos... only this time it features, at the end, a fat man without his shirt running after escaping from the back of their trunk... WTF? Bah! I hate you Vern Fonk... I bet your californian.

If i wanted to see a shirtless fat man run, i'd unleash jOe and chase him with one of those electrified cattle-prod while yelling out, "Moooo!!!!"... but do I? No. Why? Probably because I DONT want to see a shirtless fat man run. (Well i suppose it's also because I don't have an electrified cattle-prod...)

August 11, 2003

My Tab key doesn't work... fuck.

Lesson 1 is better than two

That's a link, by the way.

August 10, 2003

ok, ive not had anyone come and tell me that my "Aim Extravaganza" is boring, worthless, or annoying yet. So I'll let you in on a third chapter - but this one will need some 'introduction'

A long long time ago I had logged onto MSN and someone came out of the blue to IM me. Now I dont know what it is with me - but everyone seems to confuse me with someone else. Usually I pick up on this pretty quick : and play along.

Usually they eventually find me out and move along. However, sometimes they never catch on. Case-in-point : is the following girl. I've maintained this girl for close to a year. and She still is oblivious.

Anywho. Here you go.

AIM EXTRAVAGANZA 3



Session Start Sat Oct 12 17:04:56 2002
*** NOTE: Your status is currently set to Away.

Caenum: hey. who are you ( ? )
GIRL :: i meat u on ink link dident i
GIRL :: ???
Caenum: I havent the slightest.
GIRL :: do u go on ink link???
Caenum: I dont know if I do or not
GIRL :: do u go on ink link??
Caenum: URL ?
GIRL :: what?
Caenum: this ' ink link ' deal, has a website ( url ) yes ?
GIRL :: just wait
GIRL :: i asked u a questoin it was do u go on ink link ??????
Caenum: not that I know of - hence : I ask for a URL - being there could be a chance that yes - and I just dont remember.
GIRL :: i dont no what ur talking bout man?
Caenum: ( cries )
Session Close Sat Oct 12 17:27:02 2002

*** NOTE: Your status is currently set to Away.
Mon Nov 25 21:22:03 2002


GIRL : hey

*** Auto-response sent to GIRL : Grand
Theft
Auto
Vice
City

Yum.

Caenum: hello . . .
GIRL : wassup?
GIRL : wot the hell was that?
Caenum: was .. what
GIRL : Caenum says:
Grand
Theft
Auto
Vice
City

Yum.

Caenum: ah, an away messege.
GIRL : ooooooooooook then
Caenum: I still dont know who you are O_o
GIRL : Mustafa]
Caenum: Mufasa?
GIRL : mustafa
Caenum: < no comprende
GIRL : wot
Caenum: ( dies )
GIRL : ha
GIRL : ?????????????????????
Caenum: O_o
GIRL : wot the?
Caenum: cheese + crackers
GIRL : what about it?
Caenum: = yum
GIRL : ok
Caenum: you bet
GIRL : oooooooooook
GIRL : :$
GIRL : do ya have a mobile?
GIRL : ??????????
Caenum: a cell phone?
Caenum: yes.
GIRL : cell?????
Caenum: mobil phone, cell phone, same difference.
GIRL : kz
Session Close Fri Nov 29 20:14:15 2002

Session Start Tue Mar 04 17:20:12 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : r u sick
GIRL : ???
Caenum: no, why.
GIRL : why arnt u at skool
GIRL : ?
Caenum: umm
GIRL : yeah
GIRL : ???
GIRL : u waged?
Caenum: went around with an old friend.
GIRL : so u 2 waged
GIRL : ??
Caenum: yeh
Caenum: whot'd I miss?
GIRL : ohh
GIRL : i dont go to ur skool i am in
GIRL : year 6
GIRL : well grade 6
GIRL : wot skool do u go to?
Caenum: didnt I tell u alredy?
GIRL : no
Session Close Tue Mar 04 17:27:09 2003


Session Start Fri Jul 18 21:23:04 2003
GIRL : hey
Caenum: you know me, im betting, and if you do - you know my memory is nil, and that i do not know who you are : correct?
GIRL : u dont mke any sence mister
Caenum: ah, i guess not.
Caenum: so then who are you? and i rarely make sense.
GIRL : sammy carr n u?
Caenum: that, howerver, made no sense or i didnt understand it - repeat?
GIRL : my name is SAMMY CARR!!!
GIRL : U?
GIRL : wat is ur name?
Caenum: ah.
GIRL : ?
Caenum: I go by Markus.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : markus hoo?
GIRL : ?
GIRL : \coz i know a markuz
Caenum: not markuz. markus. and we dont know eachother.
Caenum: how is it you've happened upon me then?
GIRL : fine den bossy but
Caenum: umm.
GIRL : lol
GIRL : u seem like a spunk
Caenum: a spunk is ?
GIRL : is wot??
Caenum: yes, what is it.
GIRL : a cute personality
GIRL : and seem really nce
GIRL : nice**
GIRL : g2g baii
Session Close Fri Jul 18 21:51:46 2003



Session Start Sun Jul 20 04:09:32 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : sup?
GIRL : hello ya there/
Caenum: am now
GIRL : kewl
Caenum: if you say so.
Caenum: isnt it late for you?
GIRL : nope
Session Close Sun Jul 20 04:35:36 2003


Session Start Mon Jul 21 00:07:59 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : sup?
Caenum: nothing.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : so....
GIRL : wot ya been ^2 latly?
Caenum: driving around aimlessly - playing video games - and soon to be drinkin a lot of alcohol.
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : lolz
Caenum: yourself?
GIRL : not 2 much
Caenum: well that wasnt very descriptive at all.
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : ok then
GIRL : i watch t.v and went to skool and went on msn
GIRL : happy
GIRL : ?
GIRL : ?
Caenum: sounds boring.
Caenum: at least mine is boring too - but its got alcohol.
GIRL : lolz
Session Close Mon Jul 21 00:16:38 2003

Session Start Wed Aug 06 03:37:43 2003
GIRL : hey
Caenum: yo
GIRL : yo yo yo
GIRL : yo yo yo dues sup?
GIRL : yo yo yo dued its Ally here wassup?
GIRL : ya there
GIRL : ?
GIRL : /
GIRL : /
Caenum: yeh
GIRL : yo yo yo its Ally here WASSUP?
Caenum: SHIT GIRL hoW YOU BEEn?
GIRL : good
GIRL : u?
Caenum: I been trippin mad but its all good.
GIRL : kewl dued
GIRL : so.. wot ya been up 2 mate
GIRL : ?
Caenum: nothin much, you know, the usual.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : same here
GIRL : sozzy
GIRL : but i have to go now
GIRL : litle bro
Caenum: l8yr
GIRL : baiiiiiiiiiiii
Session Close Wed Aug 06 03:48:07 2003


what.
the fuck?
Im sitting down. I've lost my cell phone. Things kind of suck.
And then I get the following text messege.

bludcrimson: hey I was wondering if you could help me out

thus begain...

AIM EXTRAVAGANZA 2


bludcrimson: hey I was wondering if you could help me out
bludcrimson: do you know anyone who could hook up some grass?
bludcrimson: I am so serious
caenum: this time of year? green or gold. because if you're looking for green - that'll be some expensive shit. most of it dries out by now.
bludcrimson: WOW you do know you're shit...THANK YOU!
bludcrimson: I have been looking for over an hour
bludcrimson: I just need a 20
bludcrimson: of some shit that gets you stoned
caenum: usually we deal in square feet.
caenum: and you'll have to talk to the landscaping department about stones.
bludcrimson: gawd damn hoss.
bludcrimson: just a 20 bad..no need to landscape
caenum: well i dont see what use twenty square feet will do. unless you're going to make a placemat with real grass or have a really small yard.
bludcrimson: whateva dip.
caenum: artificial ponds and lakes? I dont know much about those.
bludcrimson: no need to be a cocksucking fuck nut. I was just asking a simple question.
caenum: (talk to me on AIM, name notmud)
bludcrimson: naw fuck it. plus I dont have AOL and I 'm not about to download it just to be mindfucked
caenum: Yahoo admins monitor private and public chats for ... ah hem, the sort of grass you're talking about.
bludcrimson: and you think AOL doesnt?
bludcrimson: is there a yahoo chat you could go into?
caenum: You can download AIM hacks which prevent their I.P. screens to traceroute your chatlogs to them. You cannot with Yahoo.
caenum: as long as one of us has it - it works. I do.
caenum: always have to cover your ass online.
bludcrimson: hold
bludcrimson: is this worth my time?
caenum: this is good shit.


you can check out his UBAR LEET PROFILE here. I figured it was a distant cousin of Jeff (read: makahanaloa)

Do me a favor and make up new screen-names on YAHOO MESSENGER and talk to this guy.
Give him a good run for his money.

August 09, 2003

August 08, 2003

Man o man. End of session today. Everyone left, except a few staff, myself included.

Said goodbye to my classmates and other newfound friends. The four Swedish women went their ways. Two back to Stockholm. Two are staying in Seattle for a couple days, then going home to Denmark (Copenhagen).

I'm not very good at farewells. Get all emotional and shit. Being tired and run down certainly doesn't help. Another night's sleep in my own bed tomorrow will be nice.

I met and formed friendships with a lot of really amazing people. The secluded campus and relatively tight quarters help. 120 people may seem like a lot, but I knew every one of them at least by sight.

I'll be doing some traveling next summer, in addition to spending as much time here as I can. Time to get out and see the world a little. They tell me Stockholm is lovely this time of year. Judging by how great the people are, I don't think I'll give a shit what the town is like.

I'm not sure if I'll survive another two weeks, but not being a student should help. Things will be a little easier as the librarian.

A tip to you all: never attempt to drink a Swede under the table. Even if she only weighs 43 kilos soaking wet, you won't win. Fucking A.

The War Against California: Pre-emptive planning



Now, breaking into California wouldn't be easy, and I knew this... so I quickly devised a little scheme by which we could successfully take that bastard state which pumps out fake breasts as fast as Britney Spears can order them...

To do this, I gathered some of the group members for a meeting: James and Jimmy.








And so with that, we formed our three attack forces...

to be continued...

August 07, 2003

yes
Who needs hipster slang. I have found a way to creat our own slug slang merely with the names of the members on the board, for instance:

Zacho

James

Jeff

Jimmy

Bradbury

Heather

Aaron

Steve

Courtney

Michael

DT

and because that's not enough for a whole set of slang, I included some outsiders we all know, and some aliases as well.

Joe

Markus

Andy

No more wondering "what is the buttsex?"

Why don't you just Say it with jeff!

Sappy Tree Stumps

Anthony

Tza!

Jones Soda

So, if you don't like this post, I don't care, just don't give me the Markus, because I won't Say It With Jeff.

August 06, 2003

The War Against California



You know... it comes to my attention that I hate California. Obviously. And I have complained ad nauseum about how much I hate California and the people that swarm out of there. Really, what good has come out of California. I can think of none. We'll... probably some... but surely the evil outweighs the good.

So to that end, I have decided to declare war on that bastard state.

Now, I tried, with my friend Harry Wapler, to have Congress declare war on Canada, but they refused. Some nonsense about not being about to declare war on a section of itself... bah.

Then I tried planting fake evidence of Weapons of Mass Destruction all over the state. That worked for several weeks, but as a surprise to me, Bush figured it out...

So... as a result, I have been forced to put together my own special little task force, all with the sole purpose of destroying the Californian menace.

Now... this is not an easy task, mind you. I had to peruse all the people I know and weigh their strengths and weaknesses to determine who I should include for this unique task force. Finally though, I had my list of nine members:




As you can see... quite a formidable team I have formed:

  1. Jeff Paulino: I'm there cause it was kinda my idea to wage the War Against California.

  2. Jimmy Nicholas Miller: Jimmoi is another obvious choice because of his superior training in the Space Force, and because of his super human abilities (read previous posts for further info).

  3. James C.: James is along for the ride because of his superhuman power to claim to have brought about the results of any and all possible outcomes.

  4. Andy Wegener: Andy was tagged because of his German Engineering.

  5. Aaron: Well, Aaron and James were having a debate about movies and such and as a result he ended up coming along when we shipped out. When he realized what we were planning, he tried to bail, but I had jOe sit on him. I figured we could use another person. Shortly thereafter, Aaron and James resumed their debate.

  6. Joseph Benjamin Macauley: By this time, if you don't know why on Earth I'd bring the great human eating machine on a tactical strike against a nation, state, county, or personal basement, then you haven't been reading the boad long enough...

  7. Harry Wapler: Harry Wapler came along for the ride for a couple of reasons. First of all, he was on Jimmoi's starship as first mate, along with ButtLove. Secondly, he killed a fuckin' T-Rex once (see past post some long time ago for details), and finally... we need someone to report to the world the atrocities that California is responsible for.

  8. ButtLove the Chia: Ah, faithful ButtLove, Jimmoi's beloved pet that keeps him amused and gives him companion while he's flying in Space, protecting the Earth. He's also got special classified powers... funzo stuff.

  9. pikajOe: PikajOe is the offspring of well... jOe and a pikachu. It's a long... sad... scary... story. Either way... we have now the combined abilities of jOe, and... well... a pikachu. Really, it's pretty self-explanatory... so if you can't get it... then really... that's just sad.




Well, that's the team. Soon i'll post about our first battle in the War Against California...
hoooo boy....

last night we dun needed us sum funzo . so we dun got all pile dinto our pickup trucks thar and drove don over to indiana. and when we dun got thar we droved on up to a field and stoled as much corn as you can shake a stick at and then hoot and holler! when we was dun with steallin this here corn, we dun drove around and throwed it at stuff until there wasnt none left to be throwed.

a few of the things we dun hit were...a cow....a bi ole garbage can....a rode sine....a raccoon....a 1995 plymouth mineee vayun....and sum other stuff too.

then we dun took a piece and chopped it all up and wrote "YER KORN AINT NO GUDE" and put it in some farmers mail box.

then we dun go and wented home cause we was hungry.

tahts what we do for fun in ohio ya'll

August 05, 2003

AIM extraVAganZA


NOTMUD : YOUR BABIES OF MAN CANNOT STOP ME
ZACHO : cant see what youre saying
NOTMUD : YES BABY, OH YESH. THAT FEELS GOOD
ZACHO : still cant see what youre saying
NOTMUD : IM GOING TO COME ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
ZACHO : argh hol don
NOTMUD : UUUUUUNNNNNNNGGGG OOOH >>>> MMMEEMAMAARRRGH YYEEAAAH
ZACHO : fucking hold on and let me restart fucker
NOTMUD : Another round you say? I dont know if I can take it, but i'll try. here, put it in your mouth.
ZACHO signed off at 5:23:40 PM.
ZACHO signed on at 5:27:43 PM.
ZACHO : now what the fuck did you say?

and Jimmoi's away messege for the day :


NOTMUD : it would be super
NOTMUD : ...

Auto response from JIMMOI:

NOTMUD : and think about it. really.
what if we could go back in time - and take all the bad moments in life and turn them into good moments? reallyu.

i hate you so much james.

JIMMOI: oh wait...
NOTMUD : this is the part
NOTMUD : where you like
NOTMUD : wake up
NOTMUD : and go out into the woods
NOTMUD : and sleep on the road
JIMMOI: i thought somethign better
NOTMUD : DO IT OR THE PLANE ENGINE WILL KILL YOU
JIMMOI: just watch
JIMMOI: youd hate me
JIMMOI: oh you just see
JIMMOI: hahahaha

I hate BITCHES!

and I hate CALIFORNIANS!

I hate that fuckin' state with so much passion that i worry that if i hated it anymore it would simply explode from the sheer power of my distaste...

hmm, that's actually something worth looking into.

Maybe if arnold runs for governor he can snap the spines of all the idiots that flood out of california like rats off of a sinking ship.

I hate you california... and so help me... the first wrong move and i'll bury you!
wow i had the best dream last night. i know all you guys have slid around on the kitchen or bathroom floor in your socks. have you ever thought of doing that in the frozen food section at the grocery store? well i had a dream about that yesterday booYA! i was water skiing in the frozen food section back and forth and someone was pulling me with a rope... i cant remember who.. dreams are sorta wierd.. well you know the deal, all the pretty girls were in there underwear squirting whipped cream all over the place it was amazing.

Could this be a sign from GOD?!?! could it means he wants me to apply to safeway? or albertsons.. wait no it definatelly wasn't an albertsons... OR the commisary? I hope not. The moment responsibility and work ethic kicks into my head is the day that i stab myself in the back.

August 04, 2003

http://www.thehipsterhandbook.com/

im glad im not hip.
I mean what the fuck?

the word 'deck' to signify cool?
go suck a fuck.

Fuck off - if you want me, get your ass to a phone and call.
Music: Evanescence


Im using that as my away messege from now until eternity.

August 03, 2003

[Autrocity]

There's a reality gameshow called "The Restaurant"!

NOOOooo... We are supposed to be getting smarter the further along we go...

NOT STUPID.

Ungh... i've just lost another huge amount of faith in humanity.
[cats]

Cats have earned a new respect from me...

at least the one that my roommate has...

Now, this cat was taken from it's parents at four weeks old... so it's always been kinda slow...

but two days ago, it proved itself to me...
after chasin' this fuckin' huge spider out of my room...

actually, it was fighting with the spider, then ran out of my room with the spider in pursuit... then turned around to bat the shit out of the spider...

i ended up squishin' the spider with my shoe... but damn, if that cat hadn't found it... that would have sucked... gettin' bit by that spider would not have been in agreement with my help.

So yea... i think in some ancient cities, this means that i know owe the cat a life debt.

damn.
i hear ya bradbury.

i just have to find my hill.
[meh]

I feel your pain bradbury... that's why i don't go to my old home anymore. The last time I slept at my old house... prolly a year and a half ago... if that.

August 02, 2003

So, fuck. I leave for two fucking weeks and you people can't hold together a fucking coherent board?

Anyway, I'm back for one night. I leave again in the morning. Fuck this place. Coming home to the same boring old fucking bullshit house is driving me nuts. And I've only been here since 3 this afternoon.

Pilchuck fucking rocks. Can't wait to go back to my tiny fucking room (with roommate). Back to the crazy long nights, working with glass until 2 am, five hours of sleep and do it again. Back to "the hill." Back to the shops. Back to all the fucking amazing artists and craftspeople. Back to the four Swedish women. Away from the world that contains work, my boss being pissed, and everything else I never wanted.

Pissed because, my class ends Friday, at which point I was supposed to return to work and do the same old mind numbing bullshit as every other Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday. Fuck that. Out of the blue, they gave me a job at Pilchuck. It's a "volunteer" position. I get room and board, in exchange for work. I get a cabin to myself. I get blow time in the main hotshop with the fucking amazing gaffers on Sundays. But only through the end of August. Actually, only till the 25th.

Fuck it, I don't care.

Had to call the boss to "ask" for the time. I didn't mention the position they offered me was unpaid. They probably figured I'd just quit if they didn't give me the time. I would have, just not right away. Everything falls out right, I still will.

Fuck it, I don't care.

I think now I've found what it is I'll do.
Guess what a happy, happy day it is? Not that any of you know him or care, but ANDY'S IN JAIL!!! I am so very, very happy! I'm just super stoked!

So - Let's see. I'm also super excited because Tarina and I are gonna go blackberry picking tomorrow! I love to pick blackberries, and then we're going to make cobbler and pie and jam. That should be good, because I was very sad lately because you see I usually make very good jam (Just ask Micheal!!), but then recently I made some cherry jam that just did not turn out. I was really, really sad about that. I like to meke jam. and I like it when I make jam that sets right and that doesn't end up more like syrup than jam. Yep.

[cleaning]

The thing that sucks the most about cleaning is that you have to start with a dirty thing... which means that in essence, you are going against the universal constant that everything breaks down = entrophy.

EVERYTHING breaks down. In organics... it is considered atrophy.

(Unless I have those words mixed up.)

Hmm... i wonder if that makes my act of cleaning the ultimate form of rebellion... heh.

---

Other than that, that's all i got at the moment.

Oh and, once again:

FIRST POST GLORY!



Mwahaha...
course that bastard Jimmoi had to take my glory yesterday... damn you jimmoi... damn you.

August 01, 2003

[extreme measures]

So today i found out that a woman actually changed her name to GoVeg.com.

Seriously.

I don't know. Maybe we should get Collins to change his name to loose-slugs.com...

if we all pitched in some money for that, I wonder if he would do it.

Whaddya say James?
[Armaggedon]

You know the world is coming to an end when they actually have the third installment of "Scary Movie".

Yes... that's right... you heard me. Scary Movie 3. Now, i bet only some of us saw the first Scary Movie. (I did... and yes, I'm ashamed.) And i bet only a handful actually knew there was a Scary Movie 2. (I did... and I saw it... and I'm ashamed.)

Now there's a fuckin' Scary Movie 3!!!

I'd cry... but really... it's not worth it anymore.

(Oh and yes... more than likely... I'll end up seeing it... and being ashamed.)
-CLICK ME-

richard linklater meets jack black? could be funzo.

as you can tell im bored. im tired and i want to sleep. only 7 hours left in my day. unfortunatly i have to work tonight. i hate working. fook. so whats this i hear about zach eating mancook.

i got paid...today...wow. i fergot. wee. im nolonger broke. yay.
uhm. i got nothing.
"After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days."

now thats funny.