August 31, 2003

first of all.

I'd like to say that dialup is a boswanian whore's worst nightmare.
it is like being gangbanged by six mexicans who all ate spicy burritos and have bad gas and being forced to give each and every single one of them rim jobs while they attempt to foot out the alphabet with their flatulence.

yes.

secondly, my paypal account 'went under' so to speak - it seems that the donations ( 10$ total, 2 incriments of 5$ from bradbury ) had to be 'accepted' - so they took the payment ( 25$ ) out of my bank account, which then put that under, and washington mutual decided to tag an extra 22$ onto that. those fuckers. In any event - Im looking at rehosting the website to (apisnetworks mostly because I can get a discount for being a SA goon. It should cost about 5$ a month - I already have a pretty crazy neat idea for something with that. In any event.

The "domain" for this might run out soon, and Im not going to shell out the $$$ for keeping it alive ( mind you, for those who are panicing, AHAHAH, it isnt to say the website itself will be down. I shall explain :

Domain is (blahblahblah.com) - ie : what you type in to get to the website
Webhost is where the files (txt, pictures, data) is kept

So its like like changing the title of a book - but keeping the book intact. )

anywho.
with signing up with these people, with the discount they offer domain registration for free.
the question is : anyone have any suggestions as to a website URL?

it has already been suggested

trippin-mad.com
or
mad-trippin.com

from the quote with the girl " Im just trippin man its all good "
anyone else have any ideas?
Oh poor Zacho...

It seems like he's havin' trouble with the pussies again.

August 30, 2003

Why do the parents of severely handicapped kids send them to school?

Because the school has to provide "equal" education for every child, even the ones with the approximate brainpower of spinach.

At the taxpayers' expense, they have to provide someone to feed the little retard, wipe the little retard's ass and play fucking games with the little retard all day, and call it education.

It boils down to this: You don't want to watch twitchy-drooly the short-bus special eat lunch, neither do it's parents.

They're so sick of their little "present," school becomes "send it there to keep it busy so we don't have to pay for invalid care until it turns 18."

August 29, 2003

hhmm... Well I read through the better portion of the americans with disabilities act, and most all of it is refering to Employers discriminating against the disabled applicants who want a job. Personally, I think this sort of legislation is bullshit. I should be able to hire whomever I want to work at my company. If I want to start a fast food chain and hire only large breasted women in wife beaters, I think I should be able to do that.

I completely agree that there should be wheelchair ramps at the post office, and at any government institution. That's a good thing, and if companies decide to add extra facilities to accomodate the disabled, hey..that's awesome. What I have a problem with is the attitude of entitlement coming from those who are supposedly disabled. The attitude is a persistent, "I'm disabled so you HAVE to do this for me."

About a month ago I walked into the bathroom at the local community college, and some guy with his left arm crumpled against his side asked me to help him button his pants. I looked him straight in the eye and told him "NO." He asked me again and again, adn I told him that I wouldn't help him again and again... he got pissed off and asked why I wouldn't help him, and I told him I wasn't comfortable touching his pants. What the hell kind of attitude is that? I can only use one arm, so button my pants for me... FUCK YOU BUDDY...

For all I know, he would ask me to help and then turn around and claimed I felt him up or something, and try to sue me. It's much safer to just not get involved. You know what? He could have bought pants with vel-cro... come on.. If *I* was handicapped, er..um.. I mean handi-capable.. I would figure out how not to be dependent on others... I wouldn't want to be dependent on others if it was possible.

Oh, and the woman who was supposedly disabled in the whole losing my job scenario.. I recall seeing her come out of the house very fast when I was doing power slides in her driveway a few weeks ago...
[For a bit of comic relief]

So here's something interesting...

I didn't realize that I left this program called running...
which allows people to download pictures that I have taken... and files that I have written, and movies that I have made... and audio recordings that I have put together (yes it's one of those)

So i thought, "heh, i wonder what other people have been downloading from me"...

so I checked... and nearly fell out of my seat dying of laughter...

for this was one fo the downloaded files: "James [i like penis].jpg"

It's hilarious because... someone downloaded that image i captured from my screen where james' head is floating about and a text bubble is sticking out that says, "i like penis"...

but to the layperson perusing pictures, they saw that title and thought, "oh yummm gay porn about a guy named james"

HAHEHEHA, so now james' head is not only floating around saying "i like penis" but it's floating around inside the head of some other guy whackin' it while imaging james screaming at the top of his lungs, "oh yea, i like the penis"

HEHEHAHAHAHEEHAHA... and suddenly the world opens up to me, as i realize... the board is only where some fun can be had... why not spread photoshopped fun of james through this little application...

and just name it random things. Now, i had this thought before, but i always wondered how well it worked. This however, only proves that it will.

For those curious about what other pictures...

they also downloaded a picture of james and andy meeting bullrabbit (ask them for more info on that if you're that curious) and a picture of that nambla thing... i think that was the man-boy post i made about for my most vile posts... or it was the fat-association... i forget which...

either way... it's still funny.
There are two key things you are forgetting Jordan:

1) The customer is always right. Especially when they can call your boss and get you fired.

2) The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). While it's a little blurry as to whether this applies to you, it's not something to fuck with. The government has NO sense of humor when it comes to matters of businesses not making concessions for cripples.

A bit different for paper boys, moreso considering you put the tube by the existing mailbox, but they could still make life suck for you.

Oh, wait, they did.

A little thing called "Customer Service" might have helped you here....
So just recently.... I lost my job... and through shitloads of effort, and the fact that my manager likes me and doesn't want to have to train someone else to do my job.. I was able to get the termination of my contract reduced to a period of probation...

For those of you who don't know, I deliver newspapers... a lot of them. It's good money for the little time I have to spend, I don't have to wake up til noon, It's very flexible and I like it. This whole thing happened because 1 guy was pissed off at me, and went and talked to the publisher. His claims were that I discriminate against disabled people, because when he called me up and started threatening me and making demands that I provide extra service for his mother and law or he was going to "raise hell."

I basicly told him to go fuck himself, and the next day when I went into the office my manager handed me a letter than said simple. "according to your contract either party can cancel it for any reason, and we are, you have til the end off september."

Now that it has been reduced to a probation, I'm not so worried.. but still my name has been soiled. Me moving some old woman's box across the road next to her mailbox like everyone else's is NOT enough to get me canned. The phone call from tuesday was a good snapshot of his attitude and intentions, and based on that I think he went to the publisher and told a bunch of fucking lies....

So now... here I am... in a really shitty volatile position because of this miserable little fuck. I knew who he was long before all this crap happened. He's in his late 40's and paints houses and wipes disabled/old people's asses for the state. He was studying to be a nurse, but quit because it was "too hard." All in all, a total pussy... and a complete moron.

Now... the question I pose to the board is this.... How far is too far when it comes to revenge? When he was tracked down in person he said that with my attitude about the disabled he didn't care if I lost my job. He has no remorse...

So what do I do now? Well.. lots of things... I'm looking for some creative suggestions that would be a fitting retaliation for getting me fired.

August 28, 2003

The hot shop coordinator, Chuck Lopez, kept telling me "Quit work, make art" while I was at Pilchuck.

Tuesday the question was raised to me at work, if I wanted to drop from 260 working days a year (standard full-time year round) and work 180 days a year (match the school year).

Today I was given the choice yea or nay, the paperwork has to be submitted. They are "creating" four such 180 day positions, giving the current techs first crack. Once they're filled, they won't be opened again until vacated (i.e. someone quits or is fired, both rare occurrences). Once you've resigned the 80 days, you can't get them back unless a 260 day position is vacated.

Basically, do it now, or don't get the chance. If you do, you're stuck there.

What's this represent? Roughly a thirty percent cut in pay, as the 180 position pays the same hourly as the 260, but you work fewer hours in the year. Still twelve paychecks a year, just smaller checks, and 80 extra days off.

So, I'll be a broke SOB for a little while (only planning on staying two more years tops), but I now have summers off.

Baby steps towards "Quit work, make art."

Here's to not being stuck in the same 9-5 hell for the rest of my damn life.

Cheers.

August 27, 2003

Hahahaehhe

The news.... no i take that back... Q13 Fox is the best source for comedy...

their poll: "Should an employer be allowed to fire someone for being overweight?"

97% of poll respondents said YES.

NINETY-SEVEN!

HEhahaehehahaheheahehehaehahaaa

Apparently while people like me hate California, others are off hating and wanting Fat people to go jobless...

HEHAHEHEA

Oh and i forgot to say this earlier but... that lady with the Krispy Kremes...

yeah... i bet she was Californian too. Only a Californian would be stupid enough to park their camper next to a soon-to-open Krispy Kreme.
Hahahahahaha
hahaha

Krispy Kreme...
ahehahaeha

This lady... ahhaha and her son... ahaheaha parked their van outside... ahahaha waiting for months before one opened...a haehehaha and she was like: "i could have spent $5000 on a vacation and not had as much fun as this!" ahehahaehehahaeha

OMG... haheheaha

For my part, I could have spent $5000 dollars and I don't think I would have heard something as funny.
[Robo-BusDriver]

Jimmy called me while i was on the bus today.

Always the slacker that guy...
so we were talking...

and constantly, constantly interrupted by the bus-driver...

who was pointing out things along side the road...

---

Now let me explain why this is such an annoyance.

First there is the voice. He sounded like a robot. A black-man, black-bus driving robot. Even jimmoi thought so. Actually he thought our bus driver was an ewok... but that's just cause jimmoi's in alaska, and cause marriage is drivin' him insane.

Secondly... the bus driver's route is through ranier ave, through suburbia Seattle.

That's right... SUBURBIA SEATTLE.

Yet, with every stop it was, {in metallic voice} "... and over here there is the {gasp} the Post Office {hearty robotic laugh}... and two your left is the swimming pool... fo' schnizzle yo, this is route 48 on the west side {more hearty laughter}"

... and yes, before you ask... he did say fo' schnizzle and he did say west side.

Yet another reason why i hate Metro.

I betcha he was Californian.
I make a damn good pie.
I have been gone for many, many moons... on a vision quest of great importance...

but now i return... and low and behold... Napster posts...

but alas that plan won't work, because it won't be bloody enough... CALIFORNIA MUST FALL...

Meh, in other news... findin' a roommate is hard...

at least a somewhat responsible and clean roommate... and one that is not from arabia...

The ones who are like... "we live good, i move in... friends we be"...

it's like they all speak worse than Yoda, and they aren't Jedi Masters, so really there is no redeeming quality... the only thing that would be worse would be to move in with zach-o and have a carpet of jones soda... or jimmy and have a carpet of black encrusted underwear, or james, and a carpet of pieces of X-Box and scribbled notes from 1998.

to that i say, BAH!

August 26, 2003

I wish I had the amusement of asian people fighting around me. I took a ceramics class over the summer at my local community college as did some international students. There was a cantonese guy, a korean guy, a tiawanese girl, a chinese girl, and a japanese girl.

When I realized how time consuming the class was, I snickered to myself imagining the arguments that would break out among the asians as a result of everyone being there so much, and obscene comments left on the board in chinese characters. Much to my dissapointment, they all seemed to get along. I envy you Big Brother Napster.

August 25, 2003

I found zacho to be bitter.

...

Maybe I was sucking on the wrong end? O_o

August 24, 2003

Well, I'm back. Damnit.

Had a three-hour blow slot after dinner, everything I made hit the floor. Not one damn thing left my blowpipe and went into the annealer. Fuck. As soon as the last one hit the floor, I cleared my bench of all the tools, said a few goodbyes and went home.

Strange ending to a very strange experience.

Now, I must sleep.
Damn, there is nothing better than a couple of games of pool and alcohol...

and the realization that instead of playing worse with each drink... you play so much better :)

At least I do. Mwahaha... excellent.

Anyone know of a good place to go to get a relatively good cue-stick for cheap?

August 22, 2003

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

it is asked, " what is the best job? "
oh this is easy, ( i say ) -
the 'best job' consists of a very well endowed blonde,
by endowed i mean breasticles, not testicles,
who spends the majority of her time around me on her knees.

she could be on her knees, and 'walking' or on her knees 'crawling' like a dog, but as long as she is on her knees, its all good.

oh shit - short hair too... short blonde hair. and grey eyes. and always wearing a skirt and always wearing some sort of really attractive shoes. she'll even keep them on in the shower. thats right. she'll wear shoes in the shower. motherfuckers. she's my shoe-wearing blonde-haired grey-eyed on-her-knees-all-the-time girl. where were we? oh. yes, the best job.

( on a side note, i would just like to point out to everyone that jeff never really ends any of his sentences. He always ends something with " ... " - which really agitates me because its like he never stops talking. When, in reality, all he does is listen to people talk about their shitty lives. Fuck, even I go to him sometimes and talk to him about my 'pee pee problems' I like to call them. Who else can I attack in this side bit? Oh. Zach is a flaming homosexual who always accuses other people of being gay. He has this 'projection' problem you see, he sees the faults ( or in this case, sexual prefrence ) in other people that are actually his own faults ( and sexual preference ) and he just cannot conciously deal with that fact ( that he enjoys taking it in the ass by spanish men who wear alligator suits and chant french songs about wiccan whores ) - and Jimmoi. Don't get me started on Jimmoi. You want to know the only reason why he's "getting on jordan's case" ? Because Jimmoi tried to 'get with' Jordan ( really, who hasnt Jimmoi tried to 'get with' - wait, no, thats Mike. In which case, what happened to mike rigney? - remember when I tried to make that a catch phrase? oh shit im going into a side tangent in a side note ) - So Jimmoi comes up to Jordan and asks him if he could give Jordan a blowjob and Jordan was like : " Dude, you're asian. Where is your car? " - and Jimmoi cannot help being asian. His slanted eyes gets him in trouble a lot of time, especially in the air force. His commanding officers always think he is 'falling asleep on the job' - and he says " SORRY SARGE ITS MAH EYES DEY IS SLANTED " - when in fact, he is just sleeping on the job. I dont know who to hit next so this is the end of my side note. )

and then she'll come up to me with like, drinks. Whisky on the rocks. In a nice glass, and say : " Sir, here is your drink. May I interest you in anything else? " while slowly rubbing my inner thigh. I'll look down to her and say " You know, now that you mention it, there is something else you might be able to get me. " - and I'll send her off to the kitchen to get something for me and watch her fine ass walk/crawl away on her knees.

Im pretty hungry.
Yeah.

thats the best job.
what is the best job?
on the 5th of september I start a job at the scoone both at the fair
[Synergistic]

A strange thought occurred to me...

but I can't remember it, so instead i'll post about this new idea I had...

Have you ever noticed how recent heros have a saying for when they are about to kick your ass. Hell, it's to the point where even non-heros and lay-people have those sayings...

Like, take for instance, Marvel's Hero, the Thing: "It's Clobberin' Time!"

OR there's Arnold's "I'll Be Back!", right before he comes back driving a car to ram straight into your chest cavity.

These "kick your ass" sayings are everywhere and come in different shapes and different sizes. I mean, just look at Pulp Fiction for a draw out, but nicely executed one from Mr. Sam Jackson. I mean, damn... it makes me wish i was black, had an afro, and a black suit so that i could quote Bible Scripture just before bustin' a cap in yo's asses, for realz...

I mean, even James has a variant... Zacho often heard it when he was down here, and it went something along the lines of: "It's ass-Reamin' TIME!"...

of course, that was less "ass-kickin'" and more... well, you know...

So to that end, I've decided to have my own, for whenever you people piss me off and i'm forced to open up a can o' whooooop-ass and whatnot...

and it shall be a great comglomeration of two other great sayings, so as to be able to hold in all of my great and thunderous wrath...
... and it shall be:

It's Pity Time!



That's right... a mixture of The Thing and Mr. T... two of the baddest of the bad-asses...

---

Now, with all the time in the trenches during this struggle with California, I've also had some time to realize something else...

Along with my great saying, that I use whenever i cut down some smog-breathin', ultra-yuppie, hollywood screenwriting, Gigli-producing Californian, I need a Pity-List, just like Mr. T had, back in the day...

That's write... a list of the top people that should watch themselves should they ever cross paths with me...

so, to start out Jeff's Pity List...

Let's introduce my first Pity: VERN FONK

Now, we are all familiar with Vern Fonk Commercials... I mean, who isn't... that bastard is everywhere you channel surf... unless your in Alaska, like some "supposedly" homosexual people, or Cleve-natti, like some "closet-longing for asian meat" other people... and you can't escape it. His latest Commercial series, going off of the Sopranos...

using the clever moniker: the Vernpranos, features two "wise-guys" about to beat some guy for crashing into them... or them crashing into him, i don't really give a rats ass... then they stop when they see he has a Vern Fonk sticker...

WHAT THE BLAZING, PITYING FUCK!? There is some real problems here people... First of all, what if that bastard doesn't really have Vern Fonk Insurance... what if he just has the sticker... I mean damn... I'll just get the sticker so that Vern Fonk won't come try to kick my ass... (which i'd like to see him try, and you'll understand more in a second).

Secondly... no... you know what, there is no secondly... there is no secondly cause those stupid commercials are pissing me off and i don't even care if they make sense or not anymore. OOooh, look, it's Vern Fonk as Forrest Gump... OOOH look, it's Vern Fonk as Tony Soprano... OOOh look, it's Vern Fonk as Eminem...

DAMN YOU VERN FONK.... how's about trying to do VERN FONK AS THE REAL VERN FONK!?!

Yes, that's right, I know you're secret.

For years, all of you have been duped into thinking that this:

this, balding man is the one and only Vern Fonk...

but guess what... he's not.

Rather... this lowly, viagra-munching man:

is the real Vern Fonk.

Doesn't it just taint your view of Vern Fonk Insurance...

Oh yeah, i'll Honk when I drive by Vern Fonk... right before I turn around and drive INTO Vern Fonk...

If i seem a tad bit irate, it's because I am... this lowlife tricking us... not to mention the fake vern fonk is some actor named Rob Thielke. Now this bastard is in a movie called "Doomed Planet", which looks like something that Something Awful would rate as probably a -40... perhaps even lower...


This man should not be allowed to procreate, if there were to be such a ban... since there is not, he is on my Pity List 2003.

Furthermore, I betcha that one of those two Vern Fonk's is Californian.

*Note: I'd like to thank Mr. Harry Wapler for his covert investigations using a small wireless laptop, while taking breaks from watching porn. Good work Wappler
Yeah, "Bonnie Seaborn" I'm also trying to figure out what you meant by 30 whiney pussies at Starbucks. I'm confused, are you categorizing people who go to Starbucks as "uppity" because they pay $4 for coffee? Wouldn't you yourself be included in that group as you were present to observe said "uppity pussies"? You're already a bitch, but I do appreciate you exercising the self restraint before your status is upgraded to "total bitch."

Just so you know... you don't usually state that you're using sarcasam, it's supposed to be obvious.. which is the nature of sarcasam. Once you've gotten that concept down, you might want to brush up on your "being clever" skills.

August 21, 2003

how DOES one ' suck a fuck ' - it is asked,
and asked again.

One can easily ask the same question of Donnie Dorko.
IM DONNIE DARKO!!!!!!!! HURRR



or his sister, Donna Darkie.
har har harafdooob boofo


now surely the specific meaning of ' suck a fuck ' can be debated on and on. I could invite some frenchmen to the board and have them tell you how it originated in spain and then wild goats that were on battleships immigrated over with it branded into their hind ends and the "native americans" or "GAMBLE IN MY CASINO" as they like to be called now, took up the name and used it to refer to cheap whores. Eventually the cheap whores got offended by this but I wont go into their story because all in all I dont have any frenchmen at my disposal and I dont want to stand around like two penises staring eachother down.

Im starin at you more thun you starin at me!


but just so that this post isnt " wasted " so to speak.
I'll repost an old story that you all may rembember...

The story of the enema without a butt


Once upon a time in a magical fantasy enema-forest-type setting, there was a young enema called "Edward." Edward wandered throughout the magical fantasy enema-forest moping around, slouched over... sad.

cry cry cry, slouched, mr. sad edward the enema

He wandered far (yes, waaay past that one tree) and farther still, always moping. always sad, hunched over - for he himself wasn't all that liked in the Magical Fantasy enema-forest kingdom.

still crying.  lookat that pathetic piece of water-filled plastic

Edward the enema soon passed the tree and left it far behind him... then came a cloud that seemed to mock his misery. He tried not to look at the cloud that mocked him, so he continued to slouch. Continued to walk.
And continued to be sad.

you would think by now the dumb-shit would like... jump off a large cliff. unfortunately, i didnt feel like drawing any large cliffs

Butt then all of a sudden, something new, and hairy appeared! It shone and beckoned for him to come closer. It wiggled and wagged its floppy self so much that it got Edward's attention. It began to make Edward feel much better. He began to smile, unaware of the fact that the tree that he had pass wasn't so far away after all - as it was still waaaay off in the distance.

what is this hairy wiggling thing that does make an Edward smile? what is it indeed?

Just then, the wiggly hairy thing jumped upon his head and began to violently jump up and down on him. Edward didn't mind this - he just smiled wider and wider, and eventually stopped slouching. He had a friend now. All was happy and joyous in magical fantasy enema-forest land.

WHee! Hurrah! BUTT-SEX! commence the dances!

The end.


[afterthought]

If there is one thing you NEVER do on the board it's ask a question like how exactly do you "suck a fuck" because if you've been around long enough... you know one of a few possible outcomes are likely:

a) James will say "TZA!", find a hobo sit in front of him eating a cheeseburger, then pay the man $100 dollars for watching him eat the cheeseburger

b) claim that the Big Bang was all apart of his grand creation within the matrix of the Truman Show...

OR

c) explain and diagram how one goes about "sucking a fuck" - and believe me, you'll only end up even more confused, as more than likely james will use this as an opportunity to post against me... and i assure you that sucking a fuck will more than likely either


a) involve myself, zacho, or jimmoi and a goat, bear, weasel, river-otter, or shorebird and some deviant sexual act

b) involve himself and one of his hot bitches

OR

c) "TZA!"


You're only inviting the already invited.
oh shit zach.

i didnt know you lived in cleveland, OHIO.
CLEVELAND ROCKS. CLEVELAND ROCKS.

DO YOU KNOW DREW CAREY?!
[matchmaker]

Hey jOe... what about Chrissie? Hmmm... i mean she's shorter than you... and smaller... and tinier... almost like an ant really by comparison...

but if you have kids, maybe they'll be balanced out fairly well?

Just a genetical thought...
Damn you jOe! you got first post of the day!

Bah!
That's it, you're on the front lines in my war against California.

Everyone, meet jOe... and that really is him, i didn't make it up.
I need a woman when will I get a woman.
Shit I may kill my self if I dont get a woman.

Help!!!

August 20, 2003

HAY
COCKSMOKERS


thats right.
deconstruction. finally someone is listening to me. what are you talking about son? pep rallies? jesus chroist it looks like everyone is coming out of the woodwork, and what the fuck is this shit about jimmoi writing haikus? of all the bloody poetry he has to get into, he writes haikus? you fuckin' homo - go suck a fuck or something.

by suck a fuck i mean " go suck a fuck " - I hope that comes through the translation well. I tried to translate 'zacho' from french into english and it came out "THERE IS NO ZACH STREET" - and so I shot the frenhman who translated it for me, but I didnt pay him. TEN PER NOTCH ( NEW NOTCH ) HE SAID. I SAID HE COULD ROT WITH SAINT PETER. YOU HEARD THE BITCH. NOW HERE IS MY HAIKU THAT I WROTE A LONG TIME AGO TO MAKE FUN OF HAIKUS. OH SHIT WHAT IS WITH THE CAPSLOCK ITS LOCKED. HAHAHA. GET IT. CAPSLOCKED. FUCK YOU.

nitrous oxide
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha


hey i fixed my capslock button. seems all i had to do i push it down. oh shit. what the hell is going on now. it wont capitalize anything. fuck! james! the president of the united states of america! shit shit shit, nothing is coming out with big letters! not even names! tza! oh my god! somebody come fix my keyboard it is freaking out! maybe someone has haxored my computer!

die.


now.

where is my lollypop?

For everyone who poses the question "Why does everybody hate the French so much?" Have you ever been to a pep rally at school? It's kind of like that... you know.. How excited you are when you're playing against the school whom you've beat over and over in every sport, and in retaliation they use their school colors in the form of krylon to cover your school's bus with graffiti because they hate losing. Then you have a reason to enjoy them going down, and during the pep rally you know your team will wipe the floor with theirs, and you want to see them fail, you want to see them humiliated. They say that your school is full of dumb jocks, and brag about the accomplishments of their chess club. They think they are more sophisticated than you, they think that your school is full of bullies. The thing is, you're not a bunch of bullies they're just a bunch of uppity whiny little pussies that need to be given a swirly every once in a while...

yeah... It's kinda like that...

August 19, 2003

I'm working on learning the phonetic alphabet.

Would "Opossum" be more appropriate for "O" or "P"? I want to come up with something where all of the words begin with a silent letter to confuse people.
wash your hands bitch!

Hey i post...

... mostly...

okay... somewhat mostly...

AH FUCK YOU JIMMOI! Besides, it takes awhile for these damn photoshopped images... which is the only reason why i post... to belittle everyone including myself...

and that bitch crystal...

oh, and VERN FONK! That's right Vern... I know your secret... you fuckin' ass-master... thought you could hide it, but NOOOOOOoooooo, you didn't do a good enough job. Yours will be coming buddy... just you wait.

Anyway...

otherwise... i wonder if breanna and justin do read this still. If so... hey guys, sorry i haven't called in a bit, i've been trying to set up the new house i live in and find a new roommate... which for some odd reason come to check out the place and never ever call back.

Bah.

August 17, 2003

SHOUT OUT TO MAH NIGGAS.

SUP.
this isnt a post I want to make. or type out.
so I figured this would be the best way to put it.

fill in the captions for each image -
and you should get the messege.



























yeup. that should do it.

August 16, 2003

Damn, there is something so addictive about Court TV and the forensic stuff they do... and the criminal profiling...

man i wish i took more crime psych classes in school... i need to start reading up on more of that stuff...

Just a thought.
mwahahaha

hanging up on people is fun :)

oh, and california sucks.
:)

August 15, 2003

If i had to vote, i'd go for Uptown Girls...

okay, no i wasn't serious.

I kinda wanna see Freddy vs Jason, just cause i remember as a kid, watching horror movies when I wasn't supposed to, i always wondered who was a more bad-ass psychopathic, paranormal killer.

Of course, now I'm all grown up...

Yes. Excellent.

August 12, 2003

[updation]

Posting about the ongoing War to take California takes a lot out of a person, and takes a lot of time...

So i thought i'd take a breather from that and say...

I HATE THE NEW VERN FONK INSURANCE COMMERCIAL... it's just another rip-off of the Sopranos... only this time it features, at the end, a fat man without his shirt running after escaping from the back of their trunk... WTF? Bah! I hate you Vern Fonk... I bet your californian.

If i wanted to see a shirtless fat man run, i'd unleash jOe and chase him with one of those electrified cattle-prod while yelling out, "Moooo!!!!"... but do I? No. Why? Probably because I DONT want to see a shirtless fat man run. (Well i suppose it's also because I don't have an electrified cattle-prod...)

August 10, 2003

ok, ive not had anyone come and tell me that my "Aim Extravaganza" is boring, worthless, or annoying yet. So I'll let you in on a third chapter - but this one will need some 'introduction'

A long long time ago I had logged onto MSN and someone came out of the blue to IM me. Now I dont know what it is with me - but everyone seems to confuse me with someone else. Usually I pick up on this pretty quick : and play along.

Usually they eventually find me out and move along. However, sometimes they never catch on. Case-in-point : is the following girl. I've maintained this girl for close to a year. and She still is oblivious.

Anywho. Here you go.

AIM EXTRAVAGANZA 3



Session Start Sat Oct 12 17:04:56 2002
*** NOTE: Your status is currently set to Away.

Caenum: hey. who are you ( ? )
GIRL :: i meat u on ink link dident i
GIRL :: ???
Caenum: I havent the slightest.
GIRL :: do u go on ink link???
Caenum: I dont know if I do or not
GIRL :: do u go on ink link??
Caenum: URL ?
GIRL :: what?
Caenum: this ' ink link ' deal, has a website ( url ) yes ?
GIRL :: just wait
GIRL :: i asked u a questoin it was do u go on ink link ??????
Caenum: not that I know of - hence : I ask for a URL - being there could be a chance that yes - and I just dont remember.
GIRL :: i dont no what ur talking bout man?
Caenum: ( cries )
Session Close Sat Oct 12 17:27:02 2002

*** NOTE: Your status is currently set to Away.
Mon Nov 25 21:22:03 2002


GIRL : hey

*** Auto-response sent to GIRL : Grand
Theft
Auto
Vice
City

Yum.

Caenum: hello . . .
GIRL : wassup?
GIRL : wot the hell was that?
Caenum: was .. what
GIRL : Caenum says:
Grand
Theft
Auto
Vice
City

Yum.

Caenum: ah, an away messege.
GIRL : ooooooooooook then
Caenum: I still dont know who you are O_o
GIRL : Mustafa]
Caenum: Mufasa?
GIRL : mustafa
Caenum: < no comprende
GIRL : wot
Caenum: ( dies )
GIRL : ha
GIRL : ?????????????????????
Caenum: O_o
GIRL : wot the?
Caenum: cheese + crackers
GIRL : what about it?
Caenum: = yum
GIRL : ok
Caenum: you bet
GIRL : oooooooooook
GIRL : :$
GIRL : do ya have a mobile?
GIRL : ??????????
Caenum: a cell phone?
Caenum: yes.
GIRL : cell?????
Caenum: mobil phone, cell phone, same difference.
GIRL : kz
Session Close Fri Nov 29 20:14:15 2002

Session Start Tue Mar 04 17:20:12 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : r u sick
GIRL : ???
Caenum: no, why.
GIRL : why arnt u at skool
GIRL : ?
Caenum: umm
GIRL : yeah
GIRL : ???
GIRL : u waged?
Caenum: went around with an old friend.
GIRL : so u 2 waged
GIRL : ??
Caenum: yeh
Caenum: whot'd I miss?
GIRL : ohh
GIRL : i dont go to ur skool i am in
GIRL : year 6
GIRL : well grade 6
GIRL : wot skool do u go to?
Caenum: didnt I tell u alredy?
GIRL : no
Session Close Tue Mar 04 17:27:09 2003


Session Start Fri Jul 18 21:23:04 2003
GIRL : hey
Caenum: you know me, im betting, and if you do - you know my memory is nil, and that i do not know who you are : correct?
GIRL : u dont mke any sence mister
Caenum: ah, i guess not.
Caenum: so then who are you? and i rarely make sense.
GIRL : sammy carr n u?
Caenum: that, howerver, made no sense or i didnt understand it - repeat?
GIRL : my name is SAMMY CARR!!!
GIRL : U?
GIRL : wat is ur name?
Caenum: ah.
GIRL : ?
Caenum: I go by Markus.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : markus hoo?
GIRL : ?
GIRL : \coz i know a markuz
Caenum: not markuz. markus. and we dont know eachother.
Caenum: how is it you've happened upon me then?
GIRL : fine den bossy but
Caenum: umm.
GIRL : lol
GIRL : u seem like a spunk
Caenum: a spunk is ?
GIRL : is wot??
Caenum: yes, what is it.
GIRL : a cute personality
GIRL : and seem really nce
GIRL : nice**
GIRL : g2g baii
Session Close Fri Jul 18 21:51:46 2003



Session Start Sun Jul 20 04:09:32 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : sup?
GIRL : hello ya there/
Caenum: am now
GIRL : kewl
Caenum: if you say so.
Caenum: isnt it late for you?
GIRL : nope
Session Close Sun Jul 20 04:35:36 2003


Session Start Mon Jul 21 00:07:59 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : sup?
Caenum: nothing.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : so....
GIRL : wot ya been ^2 latly?
Caenum: driving around aimlessly - playing video games - and soon to be drinkin a lot of alcohol.
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : lolz
Caenum: yourself?
GIRL : not 2 much
Caenum: well that wasnt very descriptive at all.
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : ok then
GIRL : i watch t.v and went to skool and went on msn
GIRL : happy
GIRL : ?
GIRL : ?
Caenum: sounds boring.
Caenum: at least mine is boring too - but its got alcohol.
GIRL : lolz
Session Close Mon Jul 21 00:16:38 2003

Session Start Wed Aug 06 03:37:43 2003
GIRL : hey
Caenum: yo
GIRL : yo yo yo
GIRL : yo yo yo dues sup?
GIRL : yo yo yo dued its Ally here wassup?
GIRL : ya there
GIRL : ?
GIRL : /
GIRL : /
Caenum: yeh
GIRL : yo yo yo its Ally here WASSUP?
Caenum: SHIT GIRL hoW YOU BEEn?
GIRL : good
GIRL : u?
Caenum: I been trippin mad but its all good.
GIRL : kewl dued
GIRL : so.. wot ya been up 2 mate
GIRL : ?
Caenum: nothin much, you know, the usual.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : same here
GIRL : sozzy
GIRL : but i have to go now
GIRL : litle bro
Caenum: l8yr
GIRL : baiiiiiiiiiiii
Session Close Wed Aug 06 03:48:07 2003


what.
the fuck?
Im sitting down. I've lost my cell phone. Things kind of suck.
And then I get the following text messege.

bludcrimson: hey I was wondering if you could help me out

thus begain...

AIM EXTRAVAGANZA 2


bludcrimson: hey I was wondering if you could help me out
bludcrimson: do you know anyone who could hook up some grass?
bludcrimson: I am so serious
caenum: this time of year? green or gold. because if you're looking for green - that'll be some expensive shit. most of it dries out by now.
bludcrimson: WOW you do know you're shit...THANK YOU!
bludcrimson: I have been looking for over an hour
bludcrimson: I just need a 20
bludcrimson: of some shit that gets you stoned
caenum: usually we deal in square feet.
caenum: and you'll have to talk to the landscaping department about stones.
bludcrimson: gawd damn hoss.
bludcrimson: just a 20 bad..no need to landscape
caenum: well i dont see what use twenty square feet will do. unless you're going to make a placemat with real grass or have a really small yard.
bludcrimson: whateva dip.
caenum: artificial ponds and lakes? I dont know much about those.
bludcrimson: no need to be a cocksucking fuck nut. I was just asking a simple question.
caenum: (talk to me on AIM, name notmud)
bludcrimson: naw fuck it. plus I dont have AOL and I 'm not about to download it just to be mindfucked
caenum: Yahoo admins monitor private and public chats for ... ah hem, the sort of grass you're talking about.
bludcrimson: and you think AOL doesnt?
bludcrimson: is there a yahoo chat you could go into?
caenum: You can download AIM hacks which prevent their I.P. screens to traceroute your chatlogs to them. You cannot with Yahoo.
caenum: as long as one of us has it - it works. I do.
caenum: always have to cover your ass online.
bludcrimson: hold
bludcrimson: is this worth my time?
caenum: this is good shit.


you can check out his UBAR LEET PROFILE here. I figured it was a distant cousin of Jeff (read: makahanaloa)

Do me a favor and make up new screen-names on YAHOO MESSENGER and talk to this guy.
Give him a good run for his money.

August 09, 2003

let your slugs loose.

August 08, 2003

Man o man. End of session today. Everyone left, except a few staff, myself included.

Said goodbye to my classmates and other newfound friends. The four Swedish women went their ways. Two back to Stockholm. Two are staying in Seattle for a couple days, then going home to Denmark (Copenhagen).

I'm not very good at farewells. Get all emotional and shit. Being tired and run down certainly doesn't help. Another night's sleep in my own bed tomorrow will be nice.

I met and formed friendships with a lot of really amazing people. The secluded campus and relatively tight quarters help. 120 people may seem like a lot, but I knew every one of them at least by sight.

I'll be doing some traveling next summer, in addition to spending as much time here as I can. Time to get out and see the world a little. They tell me Stockholm is lovely this time of year. Judging by how great the people are, I don't think I'll give a shit what the town is like.

I'm not sure if I'll survive another two weeks, but not being a student should help. Things will be a little easier as the librarian.

A tip to you all: never attempt to drink a Swede under the table. Even if she only weighs 43 kilos soaking wet, you won't win. Fucking A.

The War Against California: Pre-emptive planning



Now, breaking into California wouldn't be easy, and I knew this... so I quickly devised a little scheme by which we could successfully take that bastard state which pumps out fake breasts as fast as Britney Spears can order them...

To do this, I gathered some of the group members for a meeting: James and Jimmy.








And so with that, we formed our three attack forces...

to be continued...

August 07, 2003

August 06, 2003

The War Against California



You know... it comes to my attention that I hate California. Obviously. And I have complained ad nauseum about how much I hate California and the people that swarm out of there. Really, what good has come out of California. I can think of none. We'll... probably some... but surely the evil outweighs the good.

So to that end, I have decided to declare war on that bastard state.

Now, I tried, with my friend Harry Wapler, to have Congress declare war on Canada, but they refused. Some nonsense about not being about to declare war on a section of itself... bah.

Then I tried planting fake evidence of Weapons of Mass Destruction all over the state. That worked for several weeks, but as a surprise to me, Bush figured it out...

So... as a result, I have been forced to put together my own special little task force, all with the sole purpose of destroying the Californian menace.

Now... this is not an easy task, mind you. I had to peruse all the people I know and weigh their strengths and weaknesses to determine who I should include for this unique task force. Finally though, I had my list of nine members:




As you can see... quite a formidable team I have formed:

  1. Jeff Paulino: I'm there cause it was kinda my idea to wage the War Against California.

  2. Jimmy Nicholas Miller: Jimmoi is another obvious choice because of his superior training in the Space Force, and because of his super human abilities (read previous posts for further info).

  3. James C.: James is along for the ride because of his superhuman power to claim to have brought about the results of any and all possible outcomes.

  4. Andy Wegener: Andy was tagged because of his German Engineering.

  5. Aaron: Well, Aaron and James were having a debate about movies and such and as a result he ended up coming along when we shipped out. When he realized what we were planning, he tried to bail, but I had jOe sit on him. I figured we could use another person. Shortly thereafter, Aaron and James resumed their debate.

  6. Joseph Benjamin Macauley: By this time, if you don't know why on Earth I'd bring the great human eating machine on a tactical strike against a nation, state, county, or personal basement, then you haven't been reading the boad long enough...

  7. Harry Wapler: Harry Wapler came along for the ride for a couple of reasons. First of all, he was on Jimmoi's starship as first mate, along with ButtLove. Secondly, he killed a fuckin' T-Rex once (see past post some long time ago for details), and finally... we need someone to report to the world the atrocities that California is responsible for.

  8. ButtLove the Chia: Ah, faithful ButtLove, Jimmoi's beloved pet that keeps him amused and gives him companion while he's flying in Space, protecting the Earth. He's also got special classified powers... funzo stuff.

  9. pikajOe: PikajOe is the offspring of well... jOe and a pikachu. It's a long... sad... scary... story. Either way... we have now the combined abilities of jOe, and... well... a pikachu. Really, it's pretty self-explanatory... so if you can't get it... then really... that's just sad.




Well, that's the team. Soon i'll post about our first battle in the War Against California...

August 05, 2003

AIM extraVAganZA


NOTMUD : YOUR BABIES OF MAN CANNOT STOP ME
ZACHO : cant see what youre saying
NOTMUD : YES BABY, OH YESH. THAT FEELS GOOD
ZACHO : still cant see what youre saying
NOTMUD : IM GOING TO COME ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
ZACHO : argh hol don
NOTMUD : UUUUUUNNNNNNNGGGG OOOH >>>> MMMEEMAMAARRRGH YYEEAAAH
ZACHO : fucking hold on and let me restart fucker
NOTMUD : Another round you say? I dont know if I can take it, but i'll try. here, put it in your mouth.
ZACHO signed off at 5:23:40 PM.
ZACHO signed on at 5:27:43 PM.
ZACHO : now what the fuck did you say?

and Jimmoi's away messege for the day :


NOTMUD : it would be super
NOTMUD : ...

Auto response from JIMMOI:

NOTMUD : and think about it. really.
what if we could go back in time - and take all the bad moments in life and turn them into good moments? reallyu.

i hate you so much james.

JIMMOI: oh wait...
NOTMUD : this is the part
NOTMUD : where you like
NOTMUD : wake up
NOTMUD : and go out into the woods
NOTMUD : and sleep on the road
JIMMOI: i thought somethign better
NOTMUD : DO IT OR THE PLANE ENGINE WILL KILL YOU
JIMMOI: just watch
JIMMOI: youd hate me
JIMMOI: oh you just see
JIMMOI: hahahaha

I hate BITCHES!

and I hate CALIFORNIANS!

I hate that fuckin' state with so much passion that i worry that if i hated it anymore it would simply explode from the sheer power of my distaste...

hmm, that's actually something worth looking into.

Maybe if arnold runs for governor he can snap the spines of all the idiots that flood out of california like rats off of a sinking ship.

I hate you california... and so help me... the first wrong move and i'll bury you!

August 04, 2003

http://www.thehipsterhandbook.com/

im glad im not hip.
I mean what the fuck?

the word 'deck' to signify cool?
go suck a fuck.

Fuck off - if you want me, get your ass to a phone and call.
Music: Evanescence


Im using that as my away messege from now until eternity.

August 03, 2003

[Autrocity]

There's a reality gameshow called "The Restaurant"!

NOOOooo... We are supposed to be getting smarter the further along we go...

NOT STUPID.

Ungh... i've just lost another huge amount of faith in humanity.
[cats]

Cats have earned a new respect from me...

at least the one that my roommate has...

Now, this cat was taken from it's parents at four weeks old... so it's always been kinda slow...

but two days ago, it proved itself to me...
after chasin' this fuckin' huge spider out of my room...

actually, it was fighting with the spider, then ran out of my room with the spider in pursuit... then turned around to bat the shit out of the spider...

i ended up squishin' the spider with my shoe... but damn, if that cat hadn't found it... that would have sucked... gettin' bit by that spider would not have been in agreement with my help.

So yea... i think in some ancient cities, this means that i know owe the cat a life debt.

damn.
i hear ya bradbury.

i just have to find my hill.
[meh]

I feel your pain bradbury... that's why i don't go to my old home anymore. The last time I slept at my old house... prolly a year and a half ago... if that.

August 02, 2003

So, fuck. I leave for two fucking weeks and you people can't hold together a fucking coherent board?

Anyway, I'm back for one night. I leave again in the morning. Fuck this place. Coming home to the same boring old fucking bullshit house is driving me nuts. And I've only been here since 3 this afternoon.

Pilchuck fucking rocks. Can't wait to go back to my tiny fucking room (with roommate). Back to the crazy long nights, working with glass until 2 am, five hours of sleep and do it again. Back to "the hill." Back to the shops. Back to all the fucking amazing artists and craftspeople. Back to the four Swedish women. Away from the world that contains work, my boss being pissed, and everything else I never wanted.

Pissed because, my class ends Friday, at which point I was supposed to return to work and do the same old mind numbing bullshit as every other Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday. Fuck that. Out of the blue, they gave me a job at Pilchuck. It's a "volunteer" position. I get room and board, in exchange for work. I get a cabin to myself. I get blow time in the main hotshop with the fucking amazing gaffers on Sundays. But only through the end of August. Actually, only till the 25th.

Fuck it, I don't care.

Had to call the boss to "ask" for the time. I didn't mention the position they offered me was unpaid. They probably figured I'd just quit if they didn't give me the time. I would have, just not right away. Everything falls out right, I still will.

Fuck it, I don't care.

I think now I've found what it is I'll do.
Guess what a happy, happy day it is? Not that any of you know him or care, but ANDY'S IN JAIL!!! I am so very, very happy! I'm just super stoked!

So - Let's see. I'm also super excited because Tarina and I are gonna go blackberry picking tomorrow! I love to pick blackberries, and then we're going to make cobbler and pie and jam. That should be good, because I was very sad lately because you see I usually make very good jam (Just ask Micheal!!), but then recently I made some cherry jam that just did not turn out. I was really, really sad about that. I like to meke jam. and I like it when I make jam that sets right and that doesn't end up more like syrup than jam. Yep.

[cleaning]

The thing that sucks the most about cleaning is that you have to start with a dirty thing... which means that in essence, you are going against the universal constant that everything breaks down = entrophy.

EVERYTHING breaks down. In organics... it is considered atrophy.

(Unless I have those words mixed up.)

Hmm... i wonder if that makes my act of cleaning the ultimate form of rebellion... heh.

---

Other than that, that's all i got at the moment.

Oh and, once again:

FIRST POST GLORY!



Mwahaha...
course that bastard Jimmoi had to take my glory yesterday... damn you jimmoi... damn you.

August 01, 2003

[extreme measures]

So today i found out that a woman actually changed her name to GoVeg.com.

Seriously.

I don't know. Maybe we should get Collins to change his name to loose-slugs.com...

if we all pitched in some money for that, I wonder if he would do it.

Whaddya say James?
[Armaggedon]

You know the world is coming to an end when they actually have the third installment of "Scary Movie".

Yes... that's right... you heard me. Scary Movie 3. Now, i bet only some of us saw the first Scary Movie. (I did... and yes, I'm ashamed.) And i bet only a handful actually knew there was a Scary Movie 2. (I did... and I saw it... and I'm ashamed.)

Now there's a fuckin' Scary Movie 3!!!

I'd cry... but really... it's not worth it anymore.

(Oh and yes... more than likely... I'll end up seeing it... and being ashamed.)