today's a down day. for no particular reason i've found myself 'down in the dumps' so to speak. i'm not interested why. in fact i'm only interested in why i couldn't sleep and why i was compelled to sit down in front of my computer. maybe tommorrow i'll feel good. i leave for college august 16. i find myself imagining that i am fighting a physical form of time hopefully slowing it down. i've wasted the past 3 or 4 years of my life and i'd like to slow time down so i could stop fucking wasting it. it just goes by so fast. that was the first time i've used the word fuck in a long time. a cute blonde was saying it many times in succession to me this morning, meaning nothing sexual of it. but it kind of turned me on. well, that's that then.