May 31, 2001

yes .. you left jesse out -
but hey > what about NAMES for the customers?

credits :
producers : jEFF / James / Aaron

actors :
James > James - Aaron
Aaron > Aaron - James
Brice > Garage Sales-Man
David > Grass squeegie customer - Getaway Driver
Mike > Nuts-&-Bolts customer
Bonnie > Lesbian customer #1
Terena > Lesbian customer #2
Jesse > ....

what did jesse do?
hee hee heee. aaawaaaaaghhhhhh shpooooo!
sleepy time for me.

A movie in the making


I have been diligently working...well, not really dilligently...on a video project. I am doing this not for a class, but for personal enjoyment...which means that it will actually be something not regurgitated for a grade. I like that.

With all the finals that are coming up next week, this will be quite a good thing for me. I am working on that film thing that we put together that last jimmy day that i went to that lead into fraturday. It is going along quite well, and i will probably even be able to put it online for everybody to see...if i can learn how to do that anyway.

Here is a couple of clips to wet your whistle though:

Who's who? i just can't tell.

Now which one of us will forget when james came out wearing aaron's clothes.

Brice just relaxing...

Ahhh, brice is just relaxing, watching all those who come into his garage sale...

Oh wait...what's this? Is someone trying to steal something??

Get back here sonny!

Go git'em brice! Kick his ass for stealing yo' shit.


Not everyone is bothered by the thief...

Yup, that is just a sample. Isn't it grand. Okay, yes i got bored and started working on that video... It's fun though. Well, at least i have convinced myself of it being fun.

I have even worked on a credit roll...whoooo hooo...of course, i was looking at the finished credits, and i realized that i left jesse out, and probably someone else i will have to go back and fix it...but until then...this is what the credits look like:

I'd like to thank the academy.

Sorry about leaving you out jesse...i was about to get kicked out of the computer lab because it was closing. I'll probably fix that little problem tomorrow. Hopefully i didn't spell anybody's name wrong.

Ahem...that's pretty much it for this post. I felt like taking a mental dump...and now i've done so.

Oh, on one finally note...i have come up with a social psych theory...jimmy helped to remind me of it. I am calling it the "Star Wars Hype Syndrome"...

Think back on all those things that your friends said was sooo cool, and yet when you tried it, it kinda sucked because of all the hype that came with it. If no one had hyped it, you'd have thought it was cool too...It happened with the Star Wars movie. When people who knew all about it and saw all the hype saw the movie, they often said it was a little dissapointing...however, when people saw it and had no prior knowledge of what star wars was, and didn't see much of the hype...they found the movie to be more enjoyable.

I think i'll write a journal article about it and have notariety...yeah.
Except for i'll probably procrastinate and someone will take my idea.

wow it is hot today, ive got three papers due tomorrow and the evening is waning
god i love waiting till the last minute to do things it gives a person quite the rush
heres a quote for the ages, Procrastination is the best motivation----Me
i gotta get me a car, james you too get a car, Drew has one, Bradbury has one, i have one, not yet but i need to get me a liscense
Today is a day of radical descent, for the mirrors of our fascade must fall in favor of our brutality ! .... <-- piss and moan...

Bonnie --- that idle banter,debate,talk,walk makes me loath my fellow primates... I could sum it up as { The pure superficiality and lack of emotion of other people is revolting. I would like to stick my head in dark hole and never gaze upon the festering worthlessness of humanity again ! }...

Well if everyone is so opposed to the fill in the blank convos, then maybe its time to make them a little more interesting.

A convorsation about the weather: by me.
*let it be known that from this point further the word weather should be replaced with the word shit.
and the word it should be replaced with poo. for entertainment purposes only.

a So... nice weather we're having eh?
b Yes. It is. Although I feel its a bit too hot for my tastes.
a Yes I can agree to that. But its better than being cold. God I hate the cold weather... all that snow and stuff. Just makes everything so miserable.
b It can be nice for a while, but 5 or so months of cold weather and I get sick of it.
a You know, they say the weather is supposed to reach a high of 83 degrees today?
b Really? I didnt know weather could get that hot in this state.
a Me neither, but apparently it will.

Ok, now that Ive wasted all that time...
No I dont work at the Jack in the Box on canyon. But I have been there many times. Work related stuff. Transfers, something or other, yada yada yada.
I should do homework. Ugh. Im beginning to care less and less about school as the days progress. I think Im ready for Germany soon.
seems the heat is getting to everyone :
and to grace Aaron with my poetry > i believe i shall post some.

shower with much
__take it with a grain
__yell for yellow only yarn
particle parking
____a riddle a ring an answer
wrong and right and up and down
__if silence were a person
and persons were silent
only if and if and if and if
and if and if and if and if and
if and

and by the way : i must say that i havent posted any of my style 'poetry' on the board ( with exception of the one long ago - wherein Aaron wasn't around for ) - however Mike recently did > and i didn't hear complaint about that - besides > what do i care?

in fact : i'll post another poem!

eels p lee sp
reguard and dis
a slight mis____calculation


It's Escape From Reality Day ----

God I feel like like complete and utter emotional shit today. God dammit I hate sleeping, depresses me for some reason. I must stay up tonight and do something....god dammit...

Rush owns you. La Villa Strangiato is my escape from reality, something about today just makes me want to get up and go into a violent rage.

I don't know, The feeling to talk just to talk is indeed pointless, for some reason the "fill in the blank conversation" always seems to stray towards...the weather. "Nice weather we are having isn't it."

I can't think straight today...I need some coffee or maybe it's time for some Operatica

This post is meaningless.

Julia Set

Wow...people can be so pathetic and needy. I hate "needy" people who require a lot attention. I tend to brush them off of me. Can't people just be content with being quiet instead of saying mindless things for the sake of "filling in the blank"? So if you think I don't talk enough, maybe I just don't have anything to say. I'm supposed to be working on a 20 min. presentation for French class on Matisse. It's hard to concentrate when you're hot, tired, and realize that you have so much more homework. I wish I could rid myself of all the excess shit and live simply on what I want, not what everyone wants from me. A presentation on Matisse is certainly not something that is needed, but I suppose some people need to be taught about the beautiful things. He was a great artist, I'll give him that.
Hey Dr Jekyll, do you work at the Jack in the crack out on canyon? I think i might have seen you there but im not sure
oh well not sure what else to post cept to tell jimmoi and Jesse that the NEW STATIC X CD KICKS ASS
i think im going to buy the Sentanced cd this weekend too. Jimmoi would it be possible for you to get me discounts at Target? You buy it and ill pay you the difference
I need to get the whole "For Beginners" series now. KIERKEGAARD! James why are you carrying around a canister of sand? Also, keep your stupid poetry off of this . Anyways Mike, you really need to stop it. I'm not quite sure what "it" is, but you have it, and you need to get rid of it. Sorry for the loss of quotations but I'm to lazy to press down the shift key. that means no more capital letters, i'll probably just devolve into e.e. cummings. why doesn't the screen roll down automatically when i continue typing. anyway this is just one of those obligatory posts.
Clowns are pure evil.

"We all float down here...."


Taken from Brewers Dictionary of Phrase and Fable:


There are people in this world who dress up and act like clowns; I don't like these people. I am not clownophobic (or to be politically /scientifically correct, coulrophobic). I do not fear clowns. Really. I don't. They are just not nice people. They scare little kids, they cause neurosis in some adults, they have big floppy feet, they try to fit too many of their kind in a car, I could go on and on.

Let the record be known: i hate mimes too! Now, my problem with mimes isn't as terrifying or as hate-filled as the problem with clowns. I really don't think their is a fear of mimes that is as prevelant as the widespread fear of clowns. mimes offer more of a steady annoyance by their lack of sound, lack of color and their obvious lack of imagination.

The difference between Clowns and Mimes is also striking, in that each seem to have an archetype that they imitate to the letter; Clowns being at least to some extent obese, while mimes are universally rail-thin, anorexic. The reason for this remains unclear thus far, to the League, but it has been posed by some of our members that mimes are vegetarians and Clowns are almost pure carnivores

A strange symbiotic relationship exists between what in the animal world would equal a predator-prey situation. The rotundity of the Clown is also thought to be at least a partial defense against the weather, storing up to fifteen pounds of food and three liters of water in his specialized stomach, allowing him to go for weeks without external sustenance and stalk his prey patiently.

Mimes on the other hand, seem to require water all the time, usually bottled French water, and also are hypothesized to have a rare type of exzema or other skin condition, accounting for the rarity of hairy Mimes. The most common areas for a Clown to frequent, identified by his candy-like spoor, are habitats in suburban areas with lots of children. Circuses and fairs and charity events are also regular hang-outs and covers for these creatures, but they are more likely to have more opportunity to spread their evil in a more private environment, say a neighborhood street.

God have mercy on us all.
I need sleep...

May 30, 2001

because ra-8($EU@_2908 posted smut : i figured i should do the same : but you see > i didn't exactly write this ... shoobie doowhop.

!! BLAMMO !!

Mmmwwwaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!! Sorry. Im feeling a little light headed today. Work does that to you. My boss is a bitch. I'm learning to do front counter though!!!! I get to talk to people!!! Yeah! Its even better than drive thru!
damnit! i just saw an advertisement for the movie TRAFFIC and feel like watching it so i was going to call jimmoi but i looked at the time and it was almost 9 ( it is now ) and i thought to msyelf "when do tem movies start? " and then i said - well fuck ill call'em anyway and it's busy so i came online and he isnt online and i think he has work anyway - BLUGGO.

I HAVE 2$ damnit!


DAMNIT, i hate apple's!

I am so used to the command keys for things on PC's that i mistakenly erased my entire post that i just wrote up on this stupid apple computer in the UW computer lab. Damn.

and i was just talking about how i put together this tiny movie test.

well, i'll explain more later, as i don't feel like retyping what i just typed a second ago.



A quick blurb

I don't really have much time to say a lot right now, but i saw something on the news that i found absolutely hilarious.

In idaho, a mom was arrested for some reason. When the cops went in to the house to collect her children for whatever reason...probably for social protection reasons, the cops were chased off the property by a dozen dogs, and apparently by the children, who may have been armed at the time, and are now currently armed. it just me or is that funny as hell. The rednecks strike back!

Actually, that family...seems....familiar.

i believe i may have found a " fix " -
as the knot is gone!

i need to find a studio - and ( of all things ) audition ---
do actors get paid? does it matter if they do or not?

for some damn odd reason : the concept of me being an actor makes me feel better : makes the sickness go away : makes me feel all ... stable again > then i start thinking into it : about how i cannot act or whatnot : and how i cant remember lines much of any at all > and i start getting that knot again.

but what difference does it make?
i need to find a studio and audition.
Redhat rules.


sick feel i

i didnt go to school today.
i threw up yesterday.
this is all because a little KNOT in my stomache.

what the hell.
what the hell.
what the hell.
what the hell.

May 29, 2001

Social Influence on Perception

Ah, now this is a topic i can really talk about...not like i can't talk on and on about stuff...though it does not always make sense...

Jesse, i agree...a person's perception and emotional state can be altered. At least, that's what i figured you were saying. There are a great variety of things that can alter a person's perception and emotional state. I think you were going to say music...though that is just a guess when you wrote "...speech about how much can alter ones perception and emotional state." I am guessing that "much" was meant to be "music", so i'll talk about it. If not, well then i'll still talk about it and you can correct me later about what you meant.

Music is definitely something that can alter a person's mood and perception. There have been studies that show when a person hear's slow music or calming music, their cognitive abilities go up. They are able to think more thoroughly. Also, slow music can physically slow a person down. Here's an example that i may have posted at one time in the past:

In many supermarkets, when you walk in, you can hear the store often playing "oldies" or slow music. While part of this is to play a type of music that appeals to the general shopper, which in the case of grocery stores would be middle aged individuals, it is also to "slow" the consumer down. The theory behind this is that the slower the person moves, the more time spent in the store, and the greater number of items bought.

There has been some studies comparing the types of music stores play, and the sales that each store produces. Those stores that play slow music do make more sales then stores that don't.

That's just one example.

There have been studies about acoustics and mood elevation.

I would right more about it, but i'm actually started to forget what i was going to say about it. I think i'll go to bed now, cause its late and i'm tired. I don't think well when i'm tired.

I will say that listening to music in a setting like on a bus does indeed shut you out from the world. In fact, often times i decide NOT to listen to music and listen to other people talk, and get into conversations with people.

With the man on the bus, he did geniunly seem interested and happy when i said he could listen to my CD player. He was like a child on christmas as he fumbled with those headphones.

Okay, i'm really going to go now, and stop added and amending this post.

0, 1, 10, 11, 100, 101, 110, 111, 1000, 1001, 1010, 1011, 1100, 1101, 1110, 1111, ......
0, 1, 1, 2, 1, 2, 2, 3, 1, 2, 2, 3, 2, 3, 3, 4, ......
BAH! God I must continue to read that book...
Jeff- Whoa, that's too cool. After hear that, I feel like going on speech about how much can alter ones perception and emotional state. James and Mike tend not to agree with me on that subject though. haha. NO ONE DOES BUT THE TWO MEMBERS OF BOARDS OF CANADA *listens to Boards of Canada*.

Run, Jump:
- Continue
Walk, Hop:
- Continue
::: Game Over

- Jesse
... not as much as a JV reference ...
as much as i damn well feel sick.


Nice Jhonen Vasquez reference there, James.

Mike which particular drugs where you taking when you wrote that "Poem"?





Ahem. This post is coming straight to you all from a notebook i am currently writing on. That's right, this is first being produced an a notepad. Ha...who needs a computer.

Actually, the only reason why i am writing in this notebook is because my roommate is using my computer to type up a report.

Anyway, back to my post. I haven't had a chance to post lately because I have been working on a PowerPoint Presentation on Keel-Billed toucans. Also, Loose Slugs wasn't working anyway.

I was sitting on the bus today, coming home from giving that PowerPoint Presentation and I was minding my own business, when this large gentlemen sat down nearby me. He had square-lensed glasses, wiry gray hair, and a crocked smile. I didn't pay him much attention other than that though. I was busy thinking of how I was going to do my take home quiz, final paper, and two finals on the same day.

I had my CD player running, and my headphones on in effect shutting me out from the bus environment, so that I could concentrate on the things i needed to accomplish that day. As i sat there thinking and letting the audio waves flow into my ear, I began to notice the man motion toward me. I took off my headphones...

"Can I listen to that CD?"

A started look crept upon my face. Was he really serious? I looked at that man. He looked back, a childlike innocence covered his life-beaten face.

"Uhm...sure if you want..."

I handed the man my headphones. For the next thirty seconds, I watched as he struggled to get the headphones on correctly. They were difficult for him because he did not realize that they were "Behind-the-Ear" headphones. Watching the naive man struggle was quite captivating, if only from a psychological and nonhumorous way. And so, he sat there listening to my CD player.

This is exactly why riding the buses tend to weird my out.

Still, it was quite interesting, because how often do you run into a person willing to disturb a person listening to msic, and thus shutting himself out from the world temporarily, and how often would that person actually ask to listen to whatever you were listening to.

Interesting, no?


James I wrote a poem a time ago that might help....{this is her}

Pathetic ......

i feel sick

and much ado

there comes a time in everyone's life where you can sit back and see everything for what it is - and the whole scheem of things looks bleak and meaningless and just a bunch of random events stringed together in what one would like to call "their experiences" - fun.

i dont know - with all this talk about moving out and getting a job and so on and starting to feel independant from my home and reliant on my fellow associates and so on i start to think of where i will be in so-many-years from now - but then i think about it some more and realise - hey - what does it matter where i'll be in a year - two - three for that matter?

where was i - oh yes : santa clause : what is with santa clause and giving out presents to people : and not only that : why is it that our society is based entirely on making money off a bunch of young boys and girls who are so concerned about "fitting in" and "making sense" with their lives and never on just thinking? I figure life is much more easier when all you have to do is worry about what the new Neutrogena product will be out next week to help you with your acne and all . . . . instead of the big hooplah on whether or not there exists a "God" - a "soul" - and "the general direction of mankind as a whole" ... aesthetics wouldn't be a concern unless you were dealing with what pair of shoes you'll buy next ( what? the red or blue ones, the blue ones go with the green dress - but the red ones go with the outfit you bought from hot-topic three days ago, OH HORRIBLE DAY! FUCK IT! buy them both - it's your parent's credit card anyway - pssh )

dear daddy.
i write you.
in spite of years of silence.
you cleaned up.
found jesus.
things are good, oh so i hear.

this bottle.
of stevens.
awakens ancient feelings.
like father, step father, the son is drowning.
in the flood.

i'm sorry - it's a good song - i couldn't help but put lyrics. crazy-fun song, somewhat depressing - but all in all in all : i began to write more poems today : poems poems poems : i think i'm going to have to make a book of them one day : maybe then again not : my poetry isn't something to make a book about : in fact i believe that making a book is much like JIMMOI-PHILOSOPHY : the semi-wanting of a "legacy" of some sorts - which ironically i'm entirely against : humm..

I don't care what they say about us anyway :
I don't care about that.

i left that on JNM's messege-machine : ha ha - ok here's the deal : i need to start piecing together somewhat of a what-not sort of "plotline" or "story" or whatnot to infuse with philosophical / idealogical / theoretical / thoughtful things - and i need to "flesh out" what i believe to be "the perfect woman"

now you may be asking yourself "what constitutes a perfect woman?" - well - not to burst your bubble : but the perfect women is not a person as much as it is an idea - and that idea itself has no "physical" and/or "real" attributes : as it changes for each person : and that's what i want to flesh out " my perfect woman " - the more i think about it the more it drives me to the brink of insanity : mike and jimmoi and i have spoken and we've come to the conclusion ( or well i have ) that this woman, this wonderful piece of estrogenic flesh, would be "The Existentialist Woman" - and it's rare that you ever ( as i've never ) run into those.

so : if some of you would enjoy helping me out : post some "attributes" that you consider would be necissary for a "perfect woman" ( and yes, the few females on the board [ who read / post ] can add input as well : not to imply all women should be lesbians or anything *cough* ) -- and that will help me out to some extent : not to say that i'll be yanking your ideas : merely that I don't exactly know how to describe women >> as i rarely even NOTICE them ... so it's hard for me to get the ... ... the ... uh ... communication skills ( this is a first with me ) --- anywho. yeah ... i've got to flesh this out.

i believe i will now commence the eating of fruity pebbles.
Im gonna venture a bit into a King Missle type rambling (Aaron knows what im talking about) and talk about something that i think you should all be aware of
I hope that there will be internet in heaven, cause that would be really cool. And if there were internet in heaven things like subsrciptions to porn sites wouldnt exist it would all be free, and anybody who wanted it could see it. If i were dead and had internet in heaven it would have to be really fast cause i would want to play games on it, and that would be way cool. Id be dead and i would talk to all my friends who werent, and theyd be your dead im talking to you. And i tell them that heaven was a really cool place so be good and youll get to come in
Yeah and i would listen to all kinds of music from the internet and there would be noone to stop me cause i dont think god cares about copyright infringement, and he would tell Lars Ulrich to kiss his holy ass if he whined. And i laugh and hang out with Jesus and hed be really cool. Id be like Jesus put on some Van Halen and hed be like COOL. And then wed eat alot of delicious cheese cake and not get fat and the afterlife would be way cool
Bonnie how exactly do people see you? And dont denounce slackers/skippers, true most of them are dumbasses, but people like Jesse and Rigney and james skip cause they are bored with their classes and feel that their being there would only make things harder for the teacher and the students would not get any chances to answer that true? Probably not, but james and crew arent dumbasses
and as for how people see you, who gives a fuck? Until i saw you on this board i thought you were just really preppy, and wouldnt even bother talking to somebody like james and crew. Though i must say that you sorta dropped out of talking with me after we got back from Coleman, you said Hi like once and that was it. I take no offence to it NE way so dont fret
Thanks a lot Jesse and Mike- I just got yelled at by a couple of my friends for skipping. They said, "That's so unlike you Bonnie. You never used to do that." See what you've turned me into? A skipper...a slacker. Great. I'm having a hell of a day. Everything seems so new to me. It's like I've opened my eyes for the first time. I've seen what everyone else sees me as...and it sucks. I'm sure I'll be over it in 5 minutes. But hey, at least I'm enjoying my life more then I did before. Oh yeah...Happy (late) Birthday Zach.
Nick {he he }

I am willing to agree with you on the point that the individual man is increasingly dependant on his particular environment, however, humanity as an interbreeding specias of mammal is {If we limit our concept of environment to those found on a healthy biosphere} merely from the fact that he is present everywhere {independant of that environment} in so far as he as able to survive in nearly every climate on this earth. Consider for instance any breed of reptile, such animals are not capable of survival in an arctic tundra because of their inability to regulate body temperature. Man is dependant on environment in as much as he needs one in which to survive, however, we do not need any particular duration of light, heat, or other factors which have been found to contribute to the extinction of most species.

...................... NOTE OF BEAUTY
Nothing Is

A look at a painting...

When I first look at this painting, that is all I see, a painting. There is nothing more to it than this, an image which was created. That is the abstraction which sets upon the mind and reduces all that I perceive to a category which trips up the mind with the illusion of understanding. The category is the projection of abstraction upon the thing, the projection of meaning and purpose. Yet the painting in this object, the painting I perceive, that painting is not present before me. What is present before me is a thing apart from painting, a thing with being in and of it's own.

When I look upon this painting further I see a landscape set out in front of me. A painting is an image of something, and I ought to be content in thinking that this painting is an image of an olive grove. Yet there is more to this image than I at first am aware of. The painting is of a real place, a place that one artist once gazed upon. This image shows that reality is the only source of strength, that is why this image appears to be an olive grove. It is painted with light strokes of the brush, unusual for this particular artist. The light brushing shows that this olive grove is comfortable for the artist, that nature comforts him, that the strength of reality comforts him. The artist in his comfortable real place is free from the tormenting facade of humanity. The artist is free from his pain so long as he is gazing upon the real, upon the face of the world he has found himself lost in. That is the real image of this painting, the seemingly paradoxical human experience of life. That we find comfort in being, in reality, in the reality that torments us we find our peace in moments of solidarity. The colors of this painting are worm and balanced capturing the artists solidarity. The brushing seams to flow from the earth to the sky endlessly. If it were not for the changes in color I would only be seeing a page of light brush strokes that blend from one to the next. This captures the connection between the earth and sky, and how the olive trees seem to reach into the sky and become lost in it. The artist feels this uniformity in life, where dreams and reality mix together and reality cannot be found to end and dreams never seem to begin. And the artist is the olive tree, reaching into the sky and becoming lost in his dreams. All this I see, and this is not a painting.

When I look at this painting there is much to be seen. An artist, tormented, comfortable, searching for meaning in a world which seems to have none. Yet many do not see this in a painting, for it is merely a painting. To appreciate what I see, to appreciate this painting, I must not see merely a painting, I must see this one particular thing in front of me. I must see the being of this being, the nature of it, before I understand it, before it has meaning. This is the acclimation of art, the point of being human. In this painting I see and feel my own humanity raging within me. In this particular thing I find the beauty of life and true meaning, true value is the image of this painting. Yet how much value would it have if it were nothing more than a painting ? Olive Orchard {Van Gogh}.............

Hey James i was listening to your guy's convo yesterday at Target and i realized that you were talking about what i refer to as Starbucks Yahoo's. Basically they are the people who you call yuppies. But this group more or less focuses on the soccer parents and parents of students who go to school at centennial or other schools like that. These are the people who drive suv's when their most grueling commute is through downtown tacoma, the people who take their child to a soccer game and sit on the sidelines with others like them and sip lattes and talk about who got a new Old Navy fleece completely ignoring the game, the people who own a beeper and a cell phone and talk about how busy they are when their daily schedules dont add up to more than 6 hours of being out of the house, the people who are just lame and look down on those who drive cars and well i cant think of any thing else right now but i guess i will.
Good little piece of new, when i got back from lunch i learned that i was nominated for AP Government class whoo hoo, anybody taken that? is it hard? oh well gotta go back to pretending to work
ok I did this post yesterday that took like an hour and it never showed damnit. bad blogger. uhh...

I'll probably post something more substantial later, right now I have like half an hour to get ready to go to school for ASP class. That reminds me, I still have to read that chapter in the textbook...

eh. shoobie-doobie-shoo-do-whop.
i dont know.

uh... yeah.

MY STEAK WAS YUM. ( i wonder how much steak costs? )

You know : i've heard a lot of theories about "the afterlife" and here jimmoi is talking about whether or not steak will exist in "the afterlife" ... probably not - as there would have to be a spiritually 'equivalant' version of the cow in which to produce spiritual after-life steaks...

Jimmmoi says something about hindues.
then again i say something about "vegitarians" bitching about that "spiritual cows" have "afterlife souls" too - and that all "dead afterlife-things" deserve to "live die" ... uh...

.... soul steaks?


they better have A-1 sauce in heaven.

May 28, 2001

Bradbury - Yes, I admit I expect way to damn much from an OS (probably because I expect a flawless one which there never will be). Enough with X now.

God I'm depressed today, I don't know if it's good or bad today. I just hope I don't feel like this tomorrow. What sprung it off was a dream I had this morning, it was about a girl I met last summer (Nick knows who I'm talking about). Shit, I haven't talked to her in forever, I hate myself for not also. I hate dreaming...
Hi guys.
I disagree (I’m making a habit of it, aren’t I?)
That is-I disagree with the idea that man is independent of nature (its environment). A man may think/perceive that he is independent of nature, but man is just as dependent on it now as ever, if not moreso than in the past. By society growing as large and cumbersome as it is, it’s much more difficult for it to adapt to changes, and thus we suffer when nature throws us a curve ball. Maybe not from the perspective of your average yuppy (young, urban professional), but the people on the fringes (farmers, producers, etc) feel it worse than ever.....maybe this is a positive, maybe not.

Also-One could argure (so I will) that a man is more dependent on nature than in the past as well. Before urbanization, you could move a guy from, say, Mexico and put him in, say, Alaska, and he would survive. He might not like it a great deal (he would be one cold motherfscker for the first winter), but life would go on. Now you could say that we [mankind] have created our own environment. The life of couches and cushy cars and our whole climate-controlled world has softened a vast portion of humankind. Take a desk-jockey, Lexus-driving, air-conditioned wennie from anywhere, north america, and dump him in Alaska, forget about it. He’d be nothing more than walking fertilizer [until he became actual fertilizer (dead), and it wouldn’t take too long]. Therefore our environment is affecting the evolution of the human animal, because we have a created a world in which the need to adapt isn’t the same as it used to be. There are a few key examples of this.
One: every succeeding generation is taller than the one before it [or shorter]. The "average" height is becoming more of a mathematical figure.
Two: humans are reaching reproductive age much sooner now. Scientists are trying to figure out why, but it seems to be simply genetic.

You could say, also, that our "nuclear family" and "better [?] living through chemicals" environment we’ve created has a part in the evolution of humans. Even though these chemicals we surround ourselves with have been "approved and tested to be safe" there is no way to examine the long-term genetic effects in a laboratory.

I do, however, agree with "Meat Robots"

Remember, though, the fact that we’ve multiplied and covered the earth is due to the individual adaptations of the indiginous peoples of the areas covered. If the entire of humanity were reduced to, say, Inuit [or any other people of an extreme climate], the world wouldn’t be nearly as covered as it is with nasty little humans [we really are foul creatures]
Because of the evolution of the past, the peoples of different parts of the world, we were able to cover it with humanity. The evolutions in question were for the most part complete several thousands of years ago, as all the early histories we have show the people of those areas roughly as they are today.

So I don’t really know where I was planning to go with this, but I guess I’m here for now.

ok I apologize, but I did semi-retract it by saying "Or so it seems at first.....but his standards are conspicuously high." I agree, you do rant more about the things you like, but the list of things you like seems to be shorter than the list of things you dislike.

As far as OS X goes [you should know I won’t let this one go] your standards are way to high. You hate it coming from the standpoint of someone who can actually make their way around in a command-prompt interface [very small % of computer users]. And someone who seemingly expected a lot from a UNIX shell on the first try [wtf do you want, microsuck has been trying on Windoze for a LONG time, and they have yet to get it right. They still use DOS, so it’ll never be on par with X until they do. Say what you will about NT DOS, it’s still DOS. It’ll never have the features of a UNIX kernel, no matter how many times they try.]
Sure, it’s not perfect. At least Apple is trying. That’s more than you can say for most software companies. They have a hold (small though it may be) on a section of the market, an are doing the right thing by trying with UNIX. X might not have all the features that, like, Slackware, has. But does the average person [or anybody not doing some serious shit with their computer] really need the things they left out of the consumer version of X? If so, go get OS X server. When all’s said and done, X will see more computers sitting on actual people’s desks than any other form of LINUX/FREENIX yet. I’d be willing to bet it’ll see more consumers’ desks than all others put together. Mainly because of the simple fact that it’s easy to use. Redhat is not. Nor is Slackware. Or any other you can name. So, in closing, [and I mean this in the nicest way possible] BITE MY ASS IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT. No hard feelings.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve begun to feel better.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention my little "crisis" with the computer is over. We spent 2 hours on tech support with georgia or some other state like that to determine we had a power surge in our speakers. They work again. I still stick to my story that I didnt do it.
How about that, I tried to post a picture James. At least Im TRYING, that has to mean something right? For being computer illiterate Im sure learning a lot of new stuff. Its so damned confusing though.

Look at all the hippys...hahaha. I love those guys. Dirty smelly hippy's.
Today was the greatest day of the year. Father daughter fishing day. It rained. The wind blew, a lot. It was cold. It was wet. And we didnt catch anything but perch, so we threw em all back. But still, it was the best day of the year. We sat, fished, drank beer, ate samiches, and talked about everything and anything. Its the only time my dad an I actually talk. I dont mean hows the weather stuff either. I told him I dont want to go to med school, that I dont want to be a doctor, and that Im thinking about getting a masters in teaching, then work for a private school. I also told him that I dont know either. The best part is, he supports me. He actually doesnt care what I do. As long as I do something. Its nice. I could never have a day like this with my mother. So it goes.
you know what kicks ass, THE LEAN MEAN GRILLIN MACHINE this thing just kicks ass period
it's classic that he laughed wihen you gave him the finger.

goes along with the whole " the mind cannot deal with it " idealogy - that laughter is only a byproduct of " something doesn't fit " - ie > the "BSOD" of intellectual thought ... either that - or an epiphany.

ahhh - it'll be interesting when adam is "fully awake"

i actually talked to my dad about some of my "idealogies" and what i've done with my life in-so-far as school and some of the thoughts i've come to the conclusion of - he laughed some - and then got real serious on me and told me that "i wasnt showing the system anything - and the only person i was damning and/or damaging was myself" ...

it depressed me somewhat : have i fallen from the tree so far that even my father - who long ago professed that the educational system ( public school ) was a waste of time and that he himself dropped out and went to 'roam the united states' on a motorcycle with the prostitutes and whores and pimps and drugs all over the whole great wide land - and down-right told me that he had taught himself, and that life ... LIFE can teach you anything an institution could teach - possibly more . . .

i think it is work.
it numbs the soul . . . and makes you comfortable.
so many people sacrifice their souls,
their ticket to passion and the great void for comfort and security of life.

it makes me sad sometimes.
Ahh the day of monday has begun .... I dub thee MONDAY ~~~ !@

I started working on Adam last night, it was very interesting. I began by talking about the history of mankind as being a bunch of mean apes relentlessly assaulting and killing one another. Then I talked about how beliefes can make people become willing slaves {gave historical examples with the romans and how the gods have this heirarchy which makes the idea so natural why would people question being lorded over ?.. or christian ideas for instance} ... I then took Adam to a supermarket and showed him the anthropomorphic dog toys and explained how we can infer a large degree of stupidity in the country based on the existance of such things..He told me about how he hates his job and his education, and how he has been severly depressed with life... I know Adam has a lot of faith in science and so I explained to him that science is only 12 generations old and can't have yet reached any real conclusions, and how philosophy is over 5,000 years old so there must be something to it...We then went out for coffee and then I started with the real big guns... I first attacked him with designed evolution plans I.E. In accordance with evolutionary theory we can infer that animals which are less dependant on the particulars of the environment for survival are more likely to survive and multiply over the whole of the earth... I then talked about how mankind is now independant of it's environment {for the most part} and so evironment can no longer affect the evolution of our species ... I then explained how the human brain capacity as not increased for over six thousand years... I then talked about how an animal which is genetically pre-disposed to mimic the behavior {ideals} of those which it identifies as its elders {without ever thinking on them} is more apt to survive and have children and hence how we might think of human beings as MEAT ROBOTS....I then challenged all of his beliefes and proved to him that he does not know at all why he believes them... I then took a container of coffee creamer and shook it next to his ear and ask him if he knew ot was full of creamer... {You can hear it in there.} I said, he eventually agreed that he does not and can not know if there is anything in the container.... Then I tackled him with not knowing or caring about anything real, because he only cares about a group of abstractions which he projected onto all the things around him {car, reebok pump, ect ... } and then showed him something real for the first time and forced him to realize that he can only know that he exists when he realizes the reality of existing things around him {and does not commit obscuration by abstract dismissal } and that he can identify with these things because the are in being and that one can live in being.... I then took a coffee creamer and I said {THIS IS ALL THE TIME YOU HAVE GOT} and then I poured it into my coffee and said {NOW IT"S GONE} and then I forced him to realize that he only has X amount of time to exist in being....I explained to him the significance of tribal dance as an emotional re-inactment of the hunt and a significant expression of what human life is for the dancer, how the dance captures his pain and his victory and how beautyful the thing is...And that this dance is significant because the tribesman exists in being and has authentic life experience {not plastic abstractions}.. I touched on authentic experience and emotion for a while and then started with marxs ideas about man as abstract machine {I did the motions of a lumber stacker right in the middle of the store and said "what am I ?" } ... I then explained how dances where the motions are abstracted from the meaning and people just practice meaningless contractions of their muscles {to the point of perfection} and this was truly a ridiculous activity....then I got into the idea of {GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN GENERAL } ...Then I showed him the action of dropping things in the middle of some place and explained the ridiculous idea of that motion being an insult {then I flipped him off and he started to laugh histarically}... Then I explained the great arrow of human progress as being nothing more than a bunch of people are marching in the same direction and none of them having any personal life experience.... All in all he told me he would like to come with us some friday ..............................................................................
should do laundry, dishes, clean, empty the kitty litterbox... don't feel like it :)

No classes Mondays this semester, which is nice because then my weekend starts at noon on friday and is done at 1 on tuesday.

Nothing on television tho. geeze there's gotta be someone else sitting at home trying to watch the boob tube and avoid doing housework.

Some friends who live awhile away called today (for the fifth time this weekend), but this time to ask if they could come by tonite instead of asking us to go over there. They got a wee bit drunk may 2-4 weekend (which was our holiday weekend, last weekend) and did some interesting things, and matt and I ended up spending the night sitting at the fire by ourselves being ignored because we weren't participating in the drunken half-orgy. Involved 9 of our friends, including 3 I've known since I was little and 1 who is matt's little sister's best friend. One of those times when you really begin to wonder if you even need friends. The weekend was capped off Saturday night when they got drunk and started making out with eachother's partners again until one actually suggested they switch partners for sex and his wife (!) had a fit. Not to mention earlier that night a dog got hit by a truck out on the highway by the house and everyone but the 4 drunkards involved were all sombre and sad. I wouldn't care if I hadn't wasted my fscking holiday weekend being ignored along with my boyfriend just because we didn't feel it was appropriate to make out with our friends' partners. What kind of friends do that to you? A few days later one of the other ones told me "by the way, we decided beforehand we could flirt with other people and that was ok". Apparently that gave them license to make out with other people they've been friends with for years in front of eachother. Anyone else gotta comment on this or am I just fscked up thinking once you get engaged or married to someone you should probably you know, wanna be with that person only for the rest of your life?
a better way of putting that would have been :

I hate it when people think I hate everything

hee ehehehehehehee.
i dont know. that just gives me the supra-giggles.
I'm not taking offense to anything you say Bradbury, but I swear to Christ I hate it when people say I hate everything, Bonnie said it and about a million other people have said it. I don't hate everything, there is just very little of everything that I like. No one can like everything, seeing how much of everything there is, liking a very little of everything may equal to be a lot. Just an unspecified little. You see, if I'm ranting on for about 10 minutes on something I hate, then I'll go into something for about a hour on something I like, people will still have what I hate going through their heads. If people say I hate everything, then that gives me the greatest opportunity to prove them wrong when I'm talking about something I like.
operation swordfish : a movie soon to come out about hacking, cracking, and everything in between - security systems and so on (imagine the movie "hackers" but with more background - john travolta - and this time the "public" knows about computers and instead of just a bunch of subcuture nerds laughing about "GOD IS THE MOST PROFICIENT PASSWORD IN THE UNIVERSE" the stupid movie - this time they'll be playing on the general fears and ignorance of the entire country ( world? ) --- and here is how :


at first i was astonished. then i was stunned. then i was violently sick. Operation swordfish may actually be a "scenerio" - so might have some 'true data in it' - but then again > after seeing that i realise what it actually ought to be - or probably IS --

one big advertisement for buying security for computers

everyone will go hay-wire crazy > dumbshits who watched the matrix will wander around and spout out literal poo poo out of their mouth - i look forward to hearing "yeah, i can hack government systems" - "uh huh, my brother is in prison for hacking and getting 9 000 000$" - and so on - it'll be like the matrix only with based with real statistics and numbers, no keanau reeves - and no "flying into people".

the worst part about it is the link. RAsecurity is obviously harolding this movie as a big BIG advertisment. what does the advertisment say? Get RAsecurity or have your assets stolen by leet hax0rs. I wouldnt be surprised to go to the film and every other scene has a coffee-mug with RAsecurity on it ( always facing camera ), planted line about RAsecurity and how uber-difficult it is to get past their firewalls ( SHIT! ITS RASECURITY!!! WE CAN NEVAR GET PASSED THIS! ) - or even tee shirts or subliminal messeges.

what is the world coming to?
KING FOR A DAY! princess by night...

well-i have nothing. imagonnagotojames' tonight. to get my bag. i decided i will drop out.

i saw nick wolfer. fun. he cleans carpets now. im tired.

May 27, 2001

Speaking of Jesse, I haven't talked to him forever. You should write me Jesse, or at the very least come to class. I'm tired but I can't sleep no matter what I do and it's driving me insane. I think it's the crazy dream I had the other made me not want to sleep and just want to stay up thinking all night, which, if you are me, can be dangerous. I tried taking a nap today, and I almost fell asleep on the hammock but my parents started cutting down trees and that woke me right up. I think I'm going to bed now...maybe I'll take some nyquil...that might work.
No offense, Jesse-just saying.....
Not that there's anything wrong with that.....

Hey come to think of it, Jesse is the one who always talks about Bethel sucking-that's because Jesse hates everything. Or so it seems at first.....but his standards are conspicuously high. Or maybe not. Fuck, I don’t know.

i'm sitting around and check it - i found a bunch of funny things on the internet - so i'm sitting here and listening to the new tool and i am listenining to a song and then it just was all clear to me and i thought i knew the lyrics - so i went online to see if i was right ( about this particular song - as the trick with tool is that if you listen to it for long enough the words magically "COME TO YOU" - i do that with a lot of music - unless i get into a debate about 'what the words are' ) -- anywho - so i was correct in the assumption that he said "push the envelope, watch it end over thinking over analyzing seperates the body from the mind withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind..." and so on : anywho : so i get to the website and scroll up to read some of the lyrics of the old tool ceedees to bring back good memories and 'sing the songs to myself' - and lo and behold - what do i run into at the top of the page ( which i silently laughed to myself for ) -- in fact - go there yourself :

tool website lyrics

funny huh? i laughed. it's true. crazy cool - and i felt good - because i went there to confirm not to learn ... crazy fun.

oh - and in other places i went wandering and found an old picture i drew a long, long time ago :

hee hee - POOP!

ahhh.. yesh.
now im bored nobodys online not porn not anything
How to descibe James, well in the words of my little brother james has been described as eccentric...never thought anybody would describe him as that
If you ask me AOL Instant Messenger does not fully cover all the catagories that a person could wish to talk to other people about, such as sex being naked, drugs alcohol and firearms
i say that we all send a petition to Time Warner and AOL telling them to add these items to the list of things that you can look up a buddy for on the Instant Messenger
I don't really have anything to say, I just feel obligated to post and so I am. Anyways, they shut down Flavacountry. And by they I mean those stupid people who do the "truth" anti-tobacco ads on tv. If I find a way to petition it, I ask that you all rally together with me.
I just found this at
It pretty well sums up male-female relations:

Her Story

He was in a funny mood when I got to the bar to meet him but I thought it might have been because I was a bit late. He didn't say anything much about it. He seemed silent, distracted, and his only eye contact seemed rather judgmental. I decided maybe I should never wear that dress again. I don't know if it was the color, the cut, the size. Anyway I will never wear this dress again.

The conversation was slow going so I thought maybe we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. He didn't really seem to agree, but we went off to this quiet little restaurant.

He's still acting a bit strange and I'm trying to cheer him up, be witty and tell cute stories but I start to wonder whether it's me or something else. He doesn't smile much so I ask him if there's a problem and he says no.

But you know, I'm not really sure. I wonder and then I think about the five pounds I gained this past month. I bet he does not find me attractive anymore.

Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me but doesn't squeeze. I don't know what all this means or what I should think because you know he doesn't say I love you back or do anything. We finally get back to his apartment and I'm wondering if he's going to dump me so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV.

Reluctantly, I say I'm going to bed and then, after about 10 minutes or so, he joins me and we have sex. But he still seems very distracted afterwards and does not pay any attention to me. I just wanted to leave. I roll over and sniffle a little real quietly. He snores. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else?

His Story

Real shitty day at work. Very tired. Got laid though.
thanks bradbury :
as always > your banter of vehicles and witty commentary on being sick are always a warm welkommen ( hee ) to the board.

and you might want to ask jimmoi for some thick-lense glasses > he's got a pair that seem to make him look like a nerd.

as for andromeda strain ... i read that a long long time ago ... you know > i should probably read that again as well.

Mustangs kick ass. Ford is making a "Bullitt" edition Mustang. Steve McQueen rules (?ruled? is he dead?). Wasn't (isn't?) he gay though? That would fit, the guy who was in most of the racing movies of the 60's turns out gay......but the best race movie of all time is Grand Prix (no McQueen there). Not that I much care for James Garner, but that move is something else. And La Grande Prix de Monaco is the best race in the world....way better than Indy. Same day though. Makes it hard for one driver to do both in the same year, seeing as one starts before the other ends. But I suppose if you crashed right away at Monaco, you could make it to Indy in time......only one man has ever won both races (obviously not the same year) but I forget his name now.

Oh, yeah, I have new email addresses.


James: kiss my ass. I guess. Damn I hate being sick. But at least it’s getting better.
You can’t remember the URL to one of your own websites? That’s pitiful. Of course, I never learned the license plate on the blue truck, so I suppose I have no room to talk. Oh, shit, I was talking about my truck. So maybe the stereotype fits. Fuck it. When one of you if driving a $26,000 vehicle (and paying for it yourself) let me know and I’ll gladly shut the hell up. Which I will do now anyway (for now).

Oh, yeah, I looked through my history (just that damn bored) and found the URL for the Bettie page.....took some time, I must add. Then I forgot what browser it was under (I have several on here, and of course I use them all). So I went back and found it again.

Canada rules......or, at least, the part just across the border from Western does. The drinking age is 19. They serve alcohol in clubs, more to the point, in clubs where there are also nekkid women all over the place (so I’ve heard, I’ve never been). Here in Washington, they don’t. Not that I frequent that sort of club. Mike, remember last summer when we went to the Vu with Drew, Andy and Tyler? That kicked ass. Was Sherrie there? I don’t fully remember that night.........

One of the wheels just fell off of this chair when I leaned back.....that makes it more difficult to get close enough to the screen to read the letters..... I think I need thicker glasses.....or maybe just a lower resolution setting.

The remake of "Gone In 60 seconds" kicks ass. Fsck the critics, that movie rules....

They showed "The Andromeda Strain" on Sci-Fi earlier today, now I must re-read the book. For the 8th or 9th time. After I finish the Carl Hiasen that I’m reading now....funny shit. Carl Hiasen writes some of the funniest shit around. If you read the back cover of one of his books, the actual book is ten times more twisted than the back cover makes it out to be. Funny, funny books.

well i'll be damned ... for one > i lost my BETTIE PAGE website URL
( anyone have it bookmarked? )
and while trying to find it >
i found this old story of mine which you can read right here.

little did i know that i was teaching anti-materialism
and anti-attatchment to one's status at sucess,
and/or anti-attatchment to personal looks. . . .
even when so young with my somewhat-meaningless stories.


AH AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! go look at somethingawful ( link > top left )
... wow.... crazy-happy-fun-cool
son of a vadruk

{- please notice the pevious posting "rules" are for images ALREADY on the internet >
posting images that are on your computer require a whole different lot of "rules" -

ok : just a notice that hopefully everyone will take to >

when and how to post pictures/images

first you must understand what a "tag" is :
simply this < text > ... do you notice the two characters surrounding the word "text"?
everywhere you see one of { } those - replace them with the other two characters.
now the tag to post images is thus :

{center} {img src=" [image url] " width=300 heigth=300} {/center}

so when you copy/pasted that - you would turn those { and } into < and >
where it says " [image url] " you would replace the whole thing ( brackets included ) with the http:// address of the image

if you find an image you'd like to post and you're using Microsoft Internet Explorer then you can right-click the image and choose "properties" - where it will have the URL - merely copy/paste that to replace [image url] and then post away > don't worry if the image is distorted ( as if it looks "bad" i'll fix it )

this is basically just a way to show people how to post images ( as i found that is rarely done )
and a way to say please limit picture sizes to 300x300 or 400x400 - as anything above "distorts" the dimensions of the board.


hmm... i dont remember anyone ( zach / jimmoi / myself / father ) bringing in the big bag of hamburger patties.
i should go out and make me a hamburger > damnit.
( we had a early-in-the-morning barbeque : which was fun )

ok : watch out : i'm going to try and get the "links" part back ...
seems more people liked it than I'm willing to admit.
ah : it's good to see everyone up to their stereotypical selves :

bonnie telling me to fuck off
zach-o not mosting because people curse ( hee! )
and napster going on tangents about swimsuits

now all we need is ra-y98-1jqjiaop posting smut
jimmoi ranting about skipping out of the PCC school system
and bradbury to post about his truck and/or bethel sucking.

and to help the atmosphere a little : here ya go >>>

As i sit here listening to my DEAD CAN DANCE cee-dee, i realise my blinds are half open and the sun peeks through : i hiss as i quickly close them : damn the sunlight : damn it so! If only the sun could feel the eternal darkness that is my black, swollen heart : if only anyone could feel the lonliness and cold that is my life and understand... Oh horrible torment that is living : WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ME? Oh I know... I believe I will write some poetry :

Bloody angel fallen from the sky.
whatever did you say :
"Don't fly, Don't fly, Don't fly Midway Airlines"
Their schedules are all during the day.

that poem is about how i took midway airlines once and i had to actually go out in the daylight and there were people looking at me : oh how i despise the smell of people! even the word sickens me : pee-pole : sick turds i tell you : oh! SHIT! EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS IS ON TEEVEE!!!!!! I HAVE TO WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!!! IT SO KNOWS HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!

there we go. i do believe that will be suh-fish-shant.
Oh and bonnie im not sure that "been being" is grammatically correct but who gives a fuck right
Jesus God man, hes still nursing that broken nose thing? Damn the boy really knows how run a good thing into the ground doesnt he. Canada huh? Its a nice place and all but the last time i went their we visited my moms friend and she was a real bitch. Her boyfriend had to be gay because everytime i saw him he was walking around in these really tight bicycle shorts eeeewwww. ANd her kids were much ruder than id remembered them being. I swear the little dude named craig was leaning out the window and pointing out hookers and or gay men just about every 2 or 3 feet and he wouldnt shut up, im not sure why i have the strength to be awake at 7:30 im just weird i guess
waek up.
I'm back from Canada, and I must say that I had a great time and really liked it there. I'll have to go back...there were quite a few gorgeous guys there. It didn't even fact, it was really clean. I just got done reading some posts...FUCK YOU JAMES. Oh yeah...people in Canada were super nice. They were way nicer then we are but the older people did say "eh" a lot at the end of sentences. I met a lot of drunk old men down at the hot tub at the hotel and that scared the shit out of me. It made me feel as if my bathing suit just wasn't enough.
OH yeah....Aaorn, those plans sound great if they're still on for Monday. I think I may have to go to church to celebrate dead people who died for America and the ones that are still alive, but if I need to I can get out of it. I'd rather not eat brunch with a bunch of soldiers.
Raoul Duke...Joe is homeschooled now, genius. He's been being homeschooled for quite a while. He has to have surgrey on his nose again and he has a lot of doctor's appointments and so it's just too much for him to go to school, apparently. I think it's all a crock of shit and that he's just a lazy baby, but then again, I'm his older sister and I can think that.
One more thing...when I was at a concert thing a gigantic curtain rod fell on a girls head and blood went everywhere and they had to call an ambulance. It was weird. Usually things like that just don't happen. It made me really sad...not so much for her but because people were actually making fun of her. It was one of the more confusing moments in my life since there was blood everywhere and people running around like they didn't have eyes.'s really early in the morning...I think I should go to bed since I just got off a really long bus ride.
Oh my god, i think ive just been asked out by this girl at my school, she rides my bus but im not going to say her name
must take it with a grain of salt however, the internet being what it is i couldnt see the person on the other end and it could just be somebody playing a hopes its true though

May 26, 2001

Allright i finally figured out how to change my name, its great
Rigney i found one item that shows the most relation to chaos theory that i can think of............Tetris
the one little block placement can influence the rest of the game wow
the races sucked ill say that much
umm lately ive been thinking up words to songs but then i got to thinking that i dont have a band so itd probably just end up to be me singing with no accompaniment. ill probably post some of the lyrics, and drew you can use them if you want it dont matter to me
mmm cant think of what else id say other than Jesus god man
hey james naked is good, and so is flesh
I want to post, but I have nothing to say. That sucks. So I will post someone elses words.

Slug Trails

Upon the trail of slimy tears
I set my feet each day.
And see the bodies littering
their guts a fine array.

Whoever said that slugs are not
carnivorous was wrong.
For everyday a new repast
of sluggage, not for long.

A feeding frenzy of hungry slugs
Have paused awhile to snack
Upon the flesh of fallen friends,
I pause,....taken aback.

A uniform stately army,
A slimey black array,
There is no need to feed them,
Their army cooks might say...

"Today the house special,
All done up nice and fine.
I think you might have met him
He slimed next to you in line..."

They bow their heads in blessing-
dig in with utter zeal,
For flesh so young and tender,
A sort of insect veal.

My Slug

My slug was always willing to give me a hug.
I wish he wasn't beat up by that thug.
That thug began to tug and tug,
Until I had two slugs.

My slug gave me a final frown,
and then his little eyelids went down.
I tried CPR
until my friend put him in a jar.

We buried him in my backyard.
His slug spirit visits me everyday.
I am glad he is not gone all the way.
He is here to stay.

Now I have a new slug
Who was just eaten by a huge bug.
That was my second, and hopefully I will have a third,
Or maybe a whole herd.

Sam the Slug

I have a friend named Sam
He is not a clam
But he has always been there for me in a jam.

He is a slug.
Not quite your average bug.
He sleeps on my $50,000 Chinese rug.

He has his own engraved mug
that says Sam the Slug.

One day he gave me a big slimy hug.
I tried to release him, but he began to tug.
He tugged so hard I fell into my ancient jug.
That is when I decided that he had to live with my friend Doug the pug.

Sam is as happy as a clam.
I will miss him so,
But that slug had to go.
How I loved him he will never know.

A slug was crossing the road, and was accidentally run over by a turtle.
After he awoke in the hospital, a doctor asked: "How did this happen.?"
The slug replied; "I don't know. It all happened so quick."

Slug Tongue Twister- Shimmering slimey slugs salivate slick silk, slowly.

One night a man hears a knock at the door. When he answers it
there is no one there, but he looks down and sees a slug on the
doorstep. He picks up the slug and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, he hears another knock at the door. When he
goes to the door, the slug is back. The slug asks, "What was that all

A big, ugly, fat woman walks into a bar with a slug stuck to her forehead.
"Nice looking pig you have there," says the bartender.
"It's not a pig! It's a slug!" the woman snarls.
"Lady," the bartender replies, "I was talking to the slug!"
if you've noticed : i've altered the board : and have adopted a new lifestyle : and am currently sitting in a chair : dripping nude : wet you could say : amongst other things : la da de da de : it's been such a drab, or you could even say lackluster week for me : nothing much of anything has happened of much importance and/or entertainment : i wonder what people in china are doing.

i'm jive'n out to my davey-style daft punk cee-dee : hoo bloody rah : i don't know : something is missing in life : i think it's women ... yes : i do believe that is it : associating with mike for the longest of times has made me realise that women are quite the fleshy ones . . . how very very astranged i feel now when walking around in public and someone catches my eye ( CATCHES MY EYE YOU SAY? why yes - i'm begining to reprogram myself to look at people and their bodies ... weird ) --- I have an odd compulsion to be mike-like and go up to them and just say a nice thing : of course : this is all to get them into the bedroom where I may just perform many different sexual acts upon them : and/or drug them with GHB and poke/prod at their body-parts while they're knocked out : then again I dont have any GHB : and second : I don't talk to women : and third : i don't find many women attractive >>> Kind of makes you wonder : or well it doesn't make you wonder : it kind of makes me wonder : so yeah.

I'm in the process of making another board specifially for TZA - yes : contrary to most poser beliefs out there - TZA still thrives on in the hearts and minds of those who know what it truely stands for - it'll be great... superb you could say even : ALMOST SUBLIME : but not quite : as all sublime and grand things eventually turn to stinky piles of poo poo ... given time ( LOOK AT AMERICA, DUMBSHIT ) --- haa haa haa, i made a funny.

Might do something tonight : then again : might not : who knows : we'll see in a couple of hours now wont we? >> who is this "we" ? - oh : by the way i found a website about "The Last Unicorn" which states that the soundtrack was done by the band AMERICA - how funny : because i grew up with that little movie : and i like that band for some odd reason : can we say coincidence? I think so. Or well : it depends on what country you're from : as if you live in boswania : then i dont think you will be able to speak english and wouldnt be able to say coincidence : unless you took an english class : you know english as a second language : i know some associates of mine who once took an english as a second language class : where was i?

hey : hey you : yeah : yeah you : god damnit : what : who me?

oh : as to what jesse posted about whiney goths and their wanting you to feel sorry for them : i was going to use that as a rebuttle to aaron's continual attack on calling me "gothic" because I "think too much" and my "cant take anything for face value / pick things apart" mentality ( bonnie's words through aaron's fingers? how so! ) - where my objection would have been that I don't bother people with my "whiney complaints about life" - with the exception if it is a debate.

anywho : but i gave the whole objection thing up ( as you can see in the previous post "I wont even bother" ) - but to show off what fabricated "goth-fucks" are out there i posted the picture - and I guess jesse is helping me out with stupid people's journals : by the way : i dont get the whole "my parents are seperated" deal ( you can see it in momlessdaughter's Live Journal ) - i just never got how that could influence someone to do something "bad" and or "detrimental" to oneself. . . . i dont know. where was i : again?

oh : yes : you should all get live journals : do it now : : and post all the fun stuff you think ( and dont want to post on the board ) there - then again it's just a waste of time and another place to post more text : crystalized verbal shit ( text that is ) --- as I've been trying to say forever and jimmoi has recently picked up saying : PRINT IS DEAD == although i wouldn't say dead as much as dying : i played counterstrike against michael / cristin / curtis today and whooped the hella-shit out of the two of them : me and michael were on a team : we whooped and whooped and whooped : the more i listen to this cee-dee the more i seem to dislike daft punk : i dont know : i think they have some certain good songs : and then they have a high probablity of having a song that just really agitates the living hell out of me : almost to where I puke : like i said : almost.

what does everyone think of the new layout of the board? if you notice there aren't any links anymore ... oh well : too bad so sad : i dont know what to write anymore : i keep reloading the page to see if anyone posted ( oh look jesse posted a piece of someone's journal ... oh man! IT'S FUNNY! HAHHAHAAHAHA... oh man... that's classic ) -- what can i post that is funny? ... hmm... I KNOW!!!!!


ah haha.. funny... whoo... it's the FLINTSTONES ... why did I bold the "stone" part of "flintstones" ... i dont know... anywho :

now i'm going to type in random website names : here's what i try :
i went to ... nothing caught my interest is "coming soon"
i found a sun tzu quote at had a neato image :

and i think my favorite one would be
what the hell eh?

ok - now that' i've posted ... uhm... yeah...

it might not be : the right time
i might not be : the right one

but there's something about us
i want to say
'cause there's something between us anyway

i might not be : the right one
it might not be : the right time

but there's something about us
i've got to do
some kind of secret i will share with you

i need you more than anything in my life
i want you more than anything in my life

i'll miss you more than anyone in my life
i love you more than anyone in my life


"her friends would say "she's so pretty" but she'd be a lot prettier if she smiled once in a while
I don't know what to do anymore.

I hate myself. I'm sitting here crying, and I shouldn't be. But I did it again. I tried to starve, or just have a salad, and I couldn't do it. Instead I binged, again. And I did it on fatty foods, again. I weigh fucking 140. I'm 5'4. I'm FAT. I tried on my shorts from last summer...not even close. I'm so confused and scared I don't know what to do so I just sit here and cry.

My boyfriend is coming tomorrow, and I don't even want him to. I don't want him to hug me and try to fool around with me when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and hide. What is the matter with me? I weigh so much. So so much. I have gained 25 pounds in about 2 and a half months. I just want to die. I want to crawl into a hole and not see anyone ever again. I don't even want my friends anymore. I want them all basically to fuck off. I don't want anyone. I want to be left alone to eat myself sick until I die. They say that compulsive overeating stems from a deeper problem, but I really don't know what mine could be.

What am I supposed to do? Nothing is good anymore. I'm depressed and I'm fat, and summer is coming. I have to put on a dress in 11 days for my boyfriend's prom. What am I goign to do? It barely fits. It still does, but barely.

My body is swollen with food and I can't throw it up. I won't. I don't want to get into that, but that is why I am so fat. And now I've fucked myself over, I just want to keep eating.

I thought I was all out of tears. But I guess I never am."

I think the people at Live Journal beleive everything that you post is straight and gold to what you beleive. I swear to christ these people are stupid and really think they can help you. At first I started my account to just post things that I wanted to see if people would send me hate mail for, but I end up getting people wanting to save me from my problems. Then I read their bio and I realize they need to crawl in a whole and die. A guy who mailed me had this in his bio (people are funny):

"User: shuawsu (73733)
Name: Joshua
Location: Renton, Washington, United States
Birthdate: 1981-04-14
Email: shuawsu @

AOL IM: Hvermyer5
Bio: I am Joshua. I am a person of no real consequence. my life has been one filled with greatness, ineptness, and long periods of simple mundane mediocrity. On command I could fill your ear with extraordinary tales of heroism, proudly carried attributes, and painful epics of regret and loss. When asked I could present you with adjectives that define me. Words of finality and never-ending change. I am mercurial yet violently stable. I am considerate yet brazenly egocentric. I am 260 pounds of volumnous recongnition, yet consantly invisible.
I love. I lose. I am nothing.
I am so unique that I fit in nowhere
. But most of all I am so like any other 20 year old American male it is sourly pathetic.
I am."

I don't know, but I think we're suppose to feel sorry for This person.

God damn goths, and those whining fucking maggots who want you to feel sorry for them.

Andrew --- crack, not hack (I mention this even though no one cares)
Being sick sucks.......was going to see the Yelm car show today-but I couldn't even work up the energy to wash my truck.
The downside to working in schools (one of the many downsides, that is) is that you are exposed to every variant of cold and flu known to man.


Time for aspirin and Dr. Daniels' Old No. 7 cold care......

James, can you bring Unreal Tournament on tuesday. then i can get the hack for it at whateva site you siad it could be got at
gotta run see you then
How the hell did you change your name Aaron, tell me how so i can do mine
I was thinking something like napster, or maybe Raoul
this weekends been ok i guess
went over to my friends on friday nad indulged in mans most addicting discovery.............Tetris
man its like one hell of an addiction that the DEA (Aaron Lars Ulrich has not touched me yet) cannot touch. The blocks just keep coming down from the sky and for some reason you just want to keep fitting them together. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.....well you get the point.
Tonights the night for watching the races, WHOOPIE!! (cant ou feel the sarcasm dripping from that last bit of text.

lesson learned :
be gothic. get a boyfriend. have him fuck you. take pictures.

i dont know : i got nothin.
it seems that where-in blogspot is now "up" ... the posts themselves do not seem to "SHOW UP"
i dont know if that is a problem on their end or my coding.
i've gone through the "template" twice over and still cant find anything wrong...

ok evidently it is because I didn't post that twice on purpose.
life doesn 't suck. you live, you learn, you die. have fun learning. blah blah blah.

that was my bit of prophetic junk for the day.

Just curious, are most of you at highschool and/or college or university... who's at college/uni and what are you studying? Anyone else into computers as a profession? Anyone else watch Croc Hunter?

I think blogspot is still messed but I'm not sure.
life doesn 't suck. you live, you learn, you die. have fun learning. blah blah blah.

that was my bit of prophetic junk for the day.

Just curious, are most of you at highschool and/or college or university... who's at college/uni and what are you studying? Anyone else into computers as a profession? Anyone else watch Croc Hunter?

I think blogspot is still messed but I'm not sure.
I wont even bother.

May 25, 2001

James, shut yo' goth ass up. Life rules... well to a degree. I have one other thing to say, "SECOND WIPINGS IS FUCKING RIGHTEOUS". They owned the battle of the bands, I'm happy Drew's band won, but Second Wipings really deserved first place. Mullet on the other hand can go to Pony Hell with the rest of you.

Now to take a deeper outlook on your whole, "life sucks" thing. James, I think your life only sucks because you've fucked yourself over. You take so much time picking apart everything and asking "why" you can't really enjoy anything. Hence why I was getting so pissed at all of you earlier this week. Sometimes you just have to live, without questioning it. Either that or Karma just has it out for you James.

Also, I feel it is my duty to say it, because no one else will.... TZA is dead. I know it hurts, and I think the rest of you are in denial, but TZA is gone. It was just a phase within the tradition of Jimmy Day and now it is dead. Sorry I had to be the one to point it out, but it had to be said. And Jimmy, don't ever post a picture like that again, It was really disturbing.
I had such a damn great day today. Nothing to do, no one to bitch at me. The lake was fun, only wish you all had shown up earlier and stuck around longer. It was interesting.
Got a yearbook. I should look at it. I dont really feel like it though. Battle of the bands sucked. At least drews band took first, I woulda been pissed if Mullet had taken it. Damn Mullet sucked. So did that one band. They sucked hard. So hard, that I actually got up and left. Usually I can stick out any music. But that was bad. Ive heard wigga rap that sounds better.
Still battle of the bands was better than the cube dj. Damn it, Pat was supposed to DJ and they told him the day before that they hired someone instead. He would have been good at it too. So it goes.
I want to go visit Mr.Lengert, but mommy dearest wont let me leave the house. I would tell her where Im going but she would probably never let me leave.
I have to work at 6 in the morning. I dont get off till four.
I didnt know you eat at Jack in The Box Jimmy. If I'd have known that, I could have gotten you a discount anytime you went. I work there, so I have that privlege. Although, I choose not to eat there, cause Im the one makin the food. And if you know me, you wouldnt eat the food. ;)
Im going to sleep now.
Good time for nappin.
Ahh, this is the life.
then again : or maybe it is just me >

being a pessimist and all. ( notice, a word i can spell )
fly be i can live

i think it's all to do with people's perspectives on life : life, in and of itself, is suppose to be this magically wonderful thing that is joyous and stupendeous in nature : where one's wishes can come true and only the best can happen ... these people are generally reguarded as optimists... in fact i rarely use the word that i am not even sure that I've spelled it correctly. it's sad really : when the majority of "awake" people realise that life isn't so fun and isn't so bright and isn't this wondeful and miracualous (notice, another word i rarely use) thing but just living constitutes life they act as if dirt had been thrown in their faces. when the concept of "this is it, and there is no big party afterwards at 8pm" hits them square between the eyes they get depressed. but it isn't all that bad : there are plenty of things to occupy one's time with ... like learning for example.

today i learned how to put on a tie, under, over and through : of course it's jimmoi's tie ... ah haha, wait until he sees it : i dont know... where am going ... or better yet : what difference does it make where i am going? or what i leave behind ( legacy ) ?

a legacy is only good for one thing :
people to make money off of you when you're dead.
the board is a real downer today ( the twenty-of-fifth )

and here i was : just wanting to eat ice-cream and sit.
Here's me up all nite coz I can't sleep, tossing and turning in bed till 6:30 am when I can't stand it anymore and need to get my ass up. Could be the first time I've been up for morning classes on a friday this semester. Wake the boyfriend up at 7 and walk around in a half daze together getting ready for work and school (respectively). Here we are at quarter to 8 hitting the tim horton's on the way to school because the rule is at his work in his department if you're late you can bring coffee from timmies and effectively get out of even having to explain why you were late. Probably will show up and find the other two guys in his department bringing coffee in later this morning. Here's me listening to the radio (still in a half daze) in timmies parking lot, local radio station, where they tell me that all classes at my school could be cancelled because a generator blew during some sort of upgrade, one person sent to hospital. And I probably shouldn't be so happy to be home already at 8:15 am with an iced cappucino because some poor guy got exploded. I'm sure the karmic repercussions for this will be grand, oh wait, I think I already felt them.

Dad's going on some new meds because during a stress test they found out he has angina now - the positive side (apparently) is they figured out where in his heart he had his heart attacks (which he didn't feel, incidentally, because of his diabetes, and because of which he had a triple bypass 3 years ago), and these meds they'll put him on will stop his chest pain he still has apparently. They also want to do a bypass of his arteries in his legs so his feet will get better circulation; again due to diabetes his feet have had to have about 7 surgeries to cut infections out and he's already had his baby toe taken off. He's 43. But he never complains. Being strong, that's what dads are for I think. There's a crow crying outside my door right now. I don't like that.
well-it is official. zach and i bonded. dammit. i hate it when two friends, after knowing each other for a jeff and i did it. james and i did it. justin and i did it. now zach and i. wow. we basically did what brice has been wanted to do every jimmyday/fraturday...look at meteor showers. we did eating licorish and drinking 2 liter pop (haha, dats wite-pop) and dicussing philosophy, faith and religion...stuff we usually discuss at jimmy day, but zach tends to stray away from such discussions and stare at boobs. i got him to read R+G are Dead. yum.

did you know that jOe has no life. we have no life, bt jOe is just existence. nothing more. he has no job. no friends. no social life. he stays at home, watching cartoons and going on the internet at 24k. he is just existing. i feel kinda sad, until i relieze that hes FAT. no, seriously-i do feel sorry for him, and m thinking of visting him tomorrow...or some other day...or something. im coughing like a bitch right now becuase of the shrit im has moss and smells like mildew. its my dad's ole OFFICE DEPOT shirt that he use to wear when he worked there. i found it at the botton of blankets when i was putting my winter blankets up. i have 6 cavities.

reading Chuck Palahniuk. neet writer. gets massivly into Eastern philosophys and chaos theory...but sticks to western ideals, like death and then paradise or hell. fun. Finished fightclub, waiting to get Choke, started on Invisable Mosters. actually, i have it from zee libraray, havent started it yet.

I was a younge Boy who had big plans, but now im just another shitty old Man.

i'm thinking about legacy(how very un-TZA of me, eh?) again. im in a dilema. i pretty much bomb at community college (laugh damn you!), mainly becuase i have no priorities (as mentioned before). i chose to go bowling with zach, instead of taking my a test, and slept in all but two days this week. thats a record. i reliesed how misserable my life would be if i spent the rest of my life at target, living with zach and james...eating Jack in the Box again...and again...and again...

i love you guys. and yet- i feel dispised.
i dispise myself. why cant i get myslef pointing at the right direction?

funny thing happen at target today. three wiggers tried to pick a fight with the Smashing Pumpkin's biggest fan, David zee Security Guard. he's like 300lbs of pure muscle, and they were the combines weight of 90. they were lil wiggers. they were throwing trash all over the store, cussing and yelling, so david went over to tell them to pick up their trash and leave, they cussed at him, he cussed back and said "if you wanna start sumthin'we'll do it outside" ... they filed a complaint. pussys.

now, for your moment of ... zen:

don't ask.

May 24, 2001

No, Jesse, working for the district only sucks doing your job. That is, right now it doesn't suck. This new stuporintendant we are getting is going to suck. He's a forking idiot. He says "Computers are just a fad. We should all go back to CHALKBOARDS. Fucking moron. The review commitee ranked him last. The dumbass school board hired him. This is going to suck.
... on the road makes me want to grab a bag :
a toothbrush : some good shoes : my glasses : and a good suit >
go out to five-oh-seven and just hitch-hike my way to where-ever-the-hell Lostboy lives.
hmmm. that'd be crazy-fun : however much ....

I swear to christ I'm going to break this fucking iBook. Ash's half a brain got his car taken away and I haven't even been in there in about a week and a half. Fuckin' working for Bethel. GOD DAMMIT! ARG! Bradbury back me up here. It sucks, or is it just because I'm a student hire and I only get paid minimum wage? I know I'd still hate my job if I got paid more. oh well, I'm bringing my guitar to school tomorrow. I'll play some classical guitar and have my case open to see if people will toss money in it, maybe I might get enough to buy a soda or two. Maybe my mating call will work and I'll have beautiful women flock to me. HAHAHAHAHA! yeah right.

oh I hate OS X, it's a raped Linux.
I just went and watched a little league baseball game... and the whole time I thought, "you know what would be neat, if the little leaguers were female, about twelve years older, and naked." Now normally that wouldn't be weird, but I am usually not inclined to have thoughts like that. What the hell is with all my commas, I'm turning into Falkner.... scary.

Hey James, bring me my games, and my cds tomorrow, or else I will string you up by your testes... that's right, your testes. I will cut your scrotum open and string you up by your marble sized testicles. You have had my Mission Horus CD for about a year now, and I think it's time you return it to my possession.

Anyways, I think I'm going with Jake, Bonnie and maybe Anthony or Brice to make a movie on memorial day. There should be plenty of deserted parking lots to do something with. I thought about going to see a movie but that's overrated. Hopefully Bonnie won't mind the change of plans without her consent. Any of you have really good ideas for plotlines or anything post them. I don't mind borrowing/stealing your ideas.