October 31, 2001

Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.
damnit.
I miss not being able to go trick or treating this year. Most people would say that being 17 is far too old to be dressing up and going door to door. Well that is their opinion, and they are intitled to it, but I still love Holloween, and when I'm eighty or more... if I survive that long, I'll still be doing it, only I won't likely have to dress up anymore unless I want to cause I'll naturall scare the kiddies. When I come back next year I'll be 18... but the cycle set for me when I was little will continue. :)

The Holloween is different over here, though they are starting to get american traditions. Instead they go visit graveyards (or not) and put candles on the loved oned headstone. They do what we do at Holloween on Easter. They dress up in scary things, or nice if your that way, and they go out and get candy. If they fully take on our Holloween traditions on Holloween, then they'll end up with two very simular holidays. Odd thought in a way. So I won't be hunting for easter eggs this years or getting a basket full of goodies, I'll just go trick or treating. :)

Have a HAPPY HOLLOWEEN....
or however you want to take it.
You killed the poor defenseless little mouse.... YOU MURDERER YOU!!!






thats right.
Living in America ... what an ordeal.. I say living in America, because I have never actually lived in another country before, so I make no assumptions about those people...

Matters of confusion
in my matters what that matters in delusion tasteless
there all bunched up and tightly wrapped and pulling tighter
getting closer snapping tighter pulled
intense tension stressful crazy appearing lost and lazy
slowly pulling tighter all the matters of confusion..
weighing down on taking emotional trying seeking answer
wanting peaceful relaxation all the while pulling tighter
needs for simple overburdoned by intension of great tension on the line that pulling tighter
so much tension is unstable
snapping creaking under pressure
my matters of confusion in what matters all delusion
tasteless there still being matters
overwhelmed and shaking
no place to hide forgetting why it hurts now
just sitting and licking wounds
with matters all still there
I pour salt on them and can't relieve myself of stupid fear and tensions
boundless pulling tighter I am breaking .......
it starts with jimmoi, and a hat.
he comes in - and says " hey look its my hat "
I cannot but help remember where the hat had been, and what it subsequently reminded me of.
I smiled - and laughed - packed my lunch - and headed off to work.

When I got to the "turn off to the school here" turn - I considered stopping by to see DS for 20minutes.
After almost turning right, I continued onward.
Then I realised there were a lot of flags - all over on the side of the road.
" Yeh yeh, I know " - I thought to myself - knowing full well that ahead there were flaggers.
but then something caught my eye - there were A LOT of flags.
I wondered why so many flags / and then all of a sudden . . .
I slammed my brakes, I was confused as to why - when then it hit me.

Another four-way stop had manifested itself in the road.


it seems four-way stops are now breeding, as there exists one outside Jimmoi's living complex,
and now one just down the street from that.
soon four-way stops will be taking over THE WORLD.
NO INTERSECTION WILL BE WITHOUT FOUR WAY STOP-ISH-NESS!

and speaking of four-way stops, why is it nobody knows how to operate on them, god damnit?
in the event that two vehicles arrive at the stop at the same time, the one on the right has right-of-way
in the event that a vehicle, on the right, arrives before another vehicle, that vehicle has the right of way
basically it is " first come first serve, in the event of a tie - guy on right goes "
but who pays attention to that?
nobody.

Too many times I've come to a four way stop, with someone across from me taking a left, and I come, full stop - wait for them to go, and then they flash me with their lights or wave my by. I just want to get out of my car and yell at them - they are obstructing traffic with their " lets not know anything about the law " bullshit.

anywho - little rant there.
I got to work and guess what I had to do?

THUMB FUCK YAM BOXES.

oh - not that bad eh?

HOW ABOUT THUMB FUCKING THEM
ALL DAY
?

for eight hours I had to sift through some hundreds of yam boxes ( again transline fucks up the order! ) seperating " the good " from " the bad " / oh - wait, to make matters worse, the " medication " I took to make sure my bloody throat didnt start hurting like a mofo ... wore off after first break. great.

Then lunch came / along with the highlight of my day
eating lasagna.
yum.

( yes, thank you heather - I dont have to deal with re-heated mac-and-cheese, for the time being )

my day was seemingly nothing more than getting paid 80$+ to live 8 hours of hell.
but who am I to complain?
I had a really cool idea I wanted to share with Heather,
so instead of staying by at the plant to take a poo poo and pee /
I rushed off to go talk with her.

I got to her house to a note saying she wasnt home.
" Fuck " I thought to myself - I guess I might have not clocked out from work.
Because although the shit kept coming my way - I wasn't getting paid anymore.

I came home, and got online.
I waited for more of it to fly at me.
Wait - I checked my mail : and what do I get?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - not a damn thing.
son-of-a-bitch.

Then I saw Calvin online.
I figured I'd ruin his day a little bit :

Caenum: sorry to dissapoint / but Im still dating the girl I was dating 2-3 years ago... oh ... -DAMN-
dilligadam: LOL....... good job she is nice,,,,
Caenum: she puts up with my shit.
dilligadam: she is a keeper..

DAMNIT.
What the hell was going on with today?
Even my attack on Calvin went and botched itself.
I'm considering taking a warm bath and just laying in it -
but then again I figure we're probably all out of hot water so I just wont even try.

then the static kicked in.

[ and I am deprived of first post! whaarrgh! ( goes to sleep hoping to escape hellish job-curse ) ]

October 30, 2001

Some people see things that are, and ask Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.

Why is it that the same people who keep a gun at home for protection are almost always the same people who never wear their seatbelt when riding in a car?

Yawn.

The Seattle auto show is Wednesday through Sunday. That should be good....but SEMA is also this week....SEMA rocks, I wish I could A) Get to Vegas B) Have credentials to get in. But instead I'll just go to Seattle and be happy. Then wait til Kyle (Owner of Speedline, on South Tacoma Way) gets back from SEMA and has pictures and stories to tell.

You and me, Kaile. . .

I sure wish MyKalie would post something, because I love her oh-so-much!
with this new schedule, I have high probablity to get first post almost each and every day. Today I waited to post - so that when I said that / people would be thrown off with their timing in the unlikely event that someone wanted to thwart my activities of first-post-ness.

I should not, however, be awake at this time.
It seems Michael has successfully infected me with bronchitis.
or some other odd-end form of " my throat feels bad "
that son-ov-a-bitch.

And this is what I woke up to :

dilligadam: aint gotta women to keep you warm :PP


This comes from a man who still lives with his parents, and is ... what, thirty going on fourty something? He treats women much the same like mike does, but with much less respect towards them and himself. Wherein mike does not feign an interest other than that what he specificlly tells, my uncle is a fool and seems to enjoy playing with both his own mind and that of the women he finds bed with. The last one he actually married / My father gave it a certain time until he gave up on that one - low and behold, he is back up from the southern states where he resided with her, and back up here with my grandmother and no wife. He makes fun of me.

I dont see why.
I may not have a woman to keep me warm, at this very moment,
but at least I don't sleep with my mother.

haa. haa. haa.

I bought two things from half.com.
It is almost as good as ebay, but less " auctiony "
Pearl's Girl and Change the weather -
both are Underworld releases.
Yum.

I cannot wait for them to show up.

work now consists of a very ... slow ... operation,
and I find myself on TRANSLINE - a terrible place compared to my lovely MARTIN - because it is so easy. Aaugh. With the MARTIN I actually had to work / with this all I have to do is sit back, relax, and stack boxes. I hope they put me back on my machine tomorrow. . . then again April is there - and luck would have it, I'd probably have to feed with her stupid ass.

I now have a headache, and this post is sub-par.
Hmmm.

October 29, 2001

We have too many fucking people named Andrew. [notice how I used two o's to signify quantity]
okay so I wrote this while I was in portland this weekend. Please keep in mind that it is merely symbolic and is not about a literall action, but rather about some unnammed part of my lifestyle and how I feel about it................................

Self destructive pleasure.....
The bitter tears in it
I held onto the dull pain feeling,
into the bitter end of it ,
I hold onto that big dull blade.
So slowly slipping, it is cutting me.
I slowly slipping, being cutting me.
I can not feel the pain,
but I can see the damage.
What im doing to myself.
What im feeling in my body ending.
My mind is slipping, I am cutting me,
and I can see the damage,
but I can not feel the pain.
Damage of that big dull blade,
damage of it slipping.
All those bitter tears I shed
and that dull pain feeling is the same.
As I mitigate my mind, and as it slipping.
I can not feel the pain,
as I slowly being cutting me,
but I still can see the damage.


...
yeah, so I bought eighty seven cents of gas.
...

at least I didnt run out of gasoline while driving, thinking my car broke.
oh --- wait.
I move this Thursday to my other host family. I will stay with them for the next nine months... oh happy day!

My chicabee sent this to me a while back... I like it. :) *LOL*


365 days of sex

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> >> > 54 times the sheets were clean
> >> > 7 times it was too late
> >> > 49 times you were too tired
> >> > 20 times it was too hot
> >> > 15 times you pretended to be asleep
> >> > 22 times you had a headache
> >> > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> >> > 16 times you said you were too sore
> >> > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> >> > 19 times you had to get up early
> >> > 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> >> > 7 times you were sunburned
> >> > 6 times you were watching the late show
> >> > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
> >> > 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> >> > 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed,the activity was not satisfactory because:

> >> > 6 times you just laid there
> >> > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceilin
> >> > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> >> > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> >> > 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):

I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

> >> > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> >> > 36 times you did not come home at all
> >> > 21 times you didn't cum
> >> > 33 times you came too soon
> >> > 19 times you went soft before you got in
> >> > 38 times you worked too late
> >> > 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> >> > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> >> > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE BALLS
> >> > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> >> > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> >> > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> >> > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> >> > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> >> > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball,playing video games etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


MUWhAHAAHAHAHAHAaaaAHAHAHAHaa :P

October 28, 2001

My Kalie!!!

You are finally here!!! I am soooo such a happy kitten!

I sat in that empty bath-tub, after the cd had ended, for what seemed five minutes. It was where I use to spend most of my time, after draining the water and watching it slowly pull itself down - I'd lay transfixed onto the drain. Sometimes I use to spit close to it, and watch that slowly make itself down the drain. It was a good feeling, watching things slip away from me into darkness. I use to sit there for a long while watching things go down the drain.

When I first met Rachael, I sat there and, instead of spitting, I use to throw up. I don't know why. There wasn't any reason to, I was rather healthy at the time. I dont exactly know if it was self induced, the vomiting - but none-the-less I use to watch that slowly make it's way down the drain as well. Of course I had to turn on the water and help it on it's way, sometimes.

But today I didnt look at the drain. I just lay there. For what seemed for five minutes. " Goodbye, Cruel world. I'm leaving you today. Good-bye, Good-bye, Good-bye " - the CD spouted out. I laughed to myself. " Good-bye all you people, there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind, Good-bye " - and with that, I was left with silence. This is normally where they kicked in.

But nobody was home. My parents never stopped by to tell me how bad I was. I couldnt distinguish the difference between what was good, or what was bad, anymore. I didn't feel sick. I lay there, my back wet and everything else drying. I had turned on the fan. I cannot take baths without the fan on, I don't know why. It helps me dry faster when I lay there I guess. The faster I get cold, the faster I am compelled to get out of the empty thing.

It seemed like five minutes. And I was laying there, in silence. I said " Everything is ok, isnt it " to myself. My voice sounded odd. I didnt know if I was questioning myself, or making a statement. Or maybe a bit of both. Did I feel well? Or maybe even happy / was this happiness? Where was the internal backlash that always occured with 'good things' - where was my dampeners to make sure I never fell too far into ...

" Everything is ok, isnt it " - but this time it was inside my head.

Again, not knowing if it was a question or a statement. Looking for answers or stating a fact. My internal representations of mother and father where nowhere to be found. My chants weren't flooding in, and everything did seem " ok ".

I waited.

I waited for it to change.

I waited for what seemed five minutes, in that empty bath-tub.
with silence at my side, waiting for the backlash.
waiting for the sickness to come washing down over me,
start from my feet and play around with my gut,
only to jump onto my chest, and then land in my head.

but it never came.

I lay there for what seemed to me to be five minutes.
I got up, dry - and put my pants on.
I walked into here, my room, and glanced at the time.

surely something, somewhere, must be wrong,
right?

as how could one mistake two hours for five minutes?

October 27, 2001

---
Lost:
you know what?
white people are crazy.
I'm half german half filipino and I've come to that decision.
They just are.

Example:
Shannon.
End of high school: Virgin, doesn't do bad things
2nd year of college: having 5 ways with her bf and others and doing e 3 x a week


words from a " soon - to - be " slug I've known for ... what,
four or five years?
Ok, um, James........YOU FUCKED UP
You're using the wrong slash in all the links on the main page.......
the back slash (\) is used only in windows (dos) for local files.......
the forward slash (/) is used for network addresses, such as websites.......


Anyhow.....
"Eat my ass"

John Paul told me to say that at last night's little keg-infused party.
I've never drank two gallons of beer before....
and I didn't even puke.
but I fell over a lot.
fun fun fun.
it kind of makes you wonder,
what ever happened to " the mega post "


hmm.

October 26, 2001

-feh-
Guess who is dating casey tuttle?
( HE IS SO UNIQUE! )

THE WICCAN WHORE.
AH AHAHAH AHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH AHAHAAH AHAHAH

oh man.
I got to stay home today. I'm to sick to go to school. Oh yeah! I don't have school at all next week. No one in Sweden goes to school next week. hehehe... got to love the joy here. We all get that week off because of Holloween. I won't get to go trick or treating though this year, that's a downer. But I will go to one or two parties with some of my friends. yippy skippy! well I think it's time I go and take two more of those pills.... I'm starting to think coherently (SP?) and that can't be a good thing. It says your only supposed to take one, but then again I usually take double doses of most things. They are some sort of pain killer/ get rid of the kind of sickness I have. I do believe that these would be perscription drugs back home, or not legal... but I'm not really all that sure. I need to sleep... that is one things they really do do that I know of, make you sleepy. i will probably come back and read this later and wonder what I was doing one the computer or how it is I managed to type... LOL... I can't feel my hands, or any other part of me really... i sorrt of have that feeling when your foot falls asleep... somewhat tingley? eepith... anyway, all of me feels like that. hehehehehe... me go back to ngiht night now. I think most of you are probably asleep now. I wonder if people communicate at all with their dreams to other people? LMAO.... I seem to be easily amused, i must ask mamma what is in these things... she is a kind of nurse lady. Night night :)

ohh yeah, one more thing...

FIRST POST WAS MINE!!!

October 25, 2001

James your an idiot. and a moron. did i mention the word dumbass?
meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow....
I want chicken I want liver
meow mix meow mix please deliver,
I want turkey I want meat,
meow mix meow mix cant be beat...
Writing this morning.......................... Okay I made two posts today. A first and a second. The second was a poem, the first some literal thinking.
After I was finished with the literal thinking portion I had an emotional breakdown. My feelings of uncertainty,pain,alienation,despair,..etc became so intense that I was unable to think, walk, or control my own body in any way. I was curled up in a tight ball on my bed, lying in the the fetal position with my head in my hands, crying. I was emotionally overwhelmed. Returning to a state of control was a slow process. First I began to be able to think, and then I went into a process of translating my experience into thoughts. Being that I am stuck thinking in words, those thoughts revealed themselves in a structure which consists of words, however, the structure was certainly not that which one would normally use to describe something, thus was born that poem. The creative process of "self expression" relieved a great deal of my emotional burdon, enough for me to write the poem, post it and return to a state of normal self control. I do write a lot... and this is always the way in which I end up writing. Not always with tears and crippling despair, but sometimes with joy, anger,pity, hatred, apathy,... etc. But you see I do not write because I like to write or because I want to be a "poet". I write because I have to write these things that force themselves into my "soul" or whatever it might be... Honestly I think I am crazy and that I need a psychological evalution. I have a very slight grip on reality and everyday I let go a little more. I would bet that I am manic depressive, I do suffer from severe and often almost suicidal depression regularly. I also go through periods of entense joy at mearly existing... The worst part of all of this is that I think that if I am insane, or just in the process of going insane, that I have driven myself there through my own thought.... I am lost in questions... not metaphorically, literally.. The questions that overwhelm me do so in a literall sense, as in disconnecting me from reality while I ponder them and then returning me to a "new" reality, a reality in which the answer I have arrived at is true. The nature of many of these questions means that the inswers can often cause a very powerful emotional impact on me... ... I don't know, just FYI ......Mike
Every slug leaves behind some slime. . .

this is to get the indexer ( for the search engine ) to work.
I think I'm currently loosing my mind. It comes and goes, but it....??? I can't make sense out of half the things I keep thinking about.. It's like there is this big black wall in the way and I can't get around it, climb it, or ever go through it... and then it suddenly disapears. I want to be home right now. I think sometime in the next month or so I am going to reach what all my host club calls the 'Holly SHIT what the fuck have I done!' stage. That should be interesting. I hate being sick and tired.... but I'm hyper, confused, frustrated, happy, and depressed at the same time. GOD I LOVE LIFE. *lol* I can't seem to be sane at all anymore... what is it I am loosing with this that I am learning? I can't waite to find out. There seems to be few courses of action left concerning the chioces I have already discared along my chosen path... and yet there is the possibility of stepping off the path and into the foriegn for me. But I am afraid to. All my life I have been taught to be just 'so' and behave... I haven't to a degree, but in s sense that is what has helped make up me. What can I do.... that question keeps repeating in this song. I have a desire to learn all of those things, but I have an aknowleged fear of it all. It hurts me to hurt them... for I must to get where I am set to go, or however I go. If I make it all up and then learn to live by that, I am purely a lie. I am nothing but a thing holding on in a wind/cycle/life/time. I've let go with one hand of the thing that keeps me still in my life, and yet no matter how hard I try to take a step forward, I am restricted to that one step. To take another I must completely let go, and when I have, I suddenly find myself lost, and running back to that thing which holds me safe, grasping desperetly for fear of it. Then I calm, slowly inch away again... but in the end I always end up back there... crying tears and holding on for my life.

I'm to confused to think, yet think I do. It's splitting my mind in two. I seek to place the blame on someone else, yet there is no blame for me to place. It is merely how it is. Why I wonder, as I always wonder, am I so lost?! My immediate programmed respose... SHIT HAPPENS! :P

Damn you all, and damn me... that's all I see it can be.
or, if you're from Boswania :

mucho grande.
egg salad.
Such is life is life when you let go
and this is life when I relenquish my control
drifting on the chances of what be bring came or coming being drifting
and I realse myself to what may be but not what ought
I left my dreams behind .. and that I let them go too forever
hurting like a child and innocent just don't know why
world this way THIS WORLD THIS WAY .. and people say dunno
and live this way and travel alone instead of on the bus together
TRUST ME STRANGER ! I am but a child who let go forever relenquishing control
and know I die tomorrow or some day be gone forever ... letting and releasing all myself
and world I do not understand behind me still will hurting be ...
and people I don't know with strangers faces that I recognise expressions
how much stranger is a stranger who I can see the feelings of inside of when those close to me can hide them ?
God how much it hurt when she died ...
and how much born anew this person was ..
born into a chaos of feeling being
born into a sad world and a sad way of living ...
born without fear into being
and looking out without looking back
and without strangeness on my mind plunging into it
and seeing all this here.............
I AM CONFUSION that lingers on me slowely decaying me
I Self destructing me am hurting myself seeng bleeding me without knowing why .........
STILL WITHOUT KNOWING WHY a stranger hurts me with a smile .............
ARRRRRRHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.. Why do I smile... why does my empathy work ?...
how can I feel all of this pain constantly in the world every single day ...
and why can't you ???>>>>>>>>
I see a child on the face of every stranger..
a sad lonely tired child who is crying because they do not understand...
and I am this much tooo...
tears without boundary for something I don't understand...
for the sadness of the world and for the sadness of a stranger..WHY?
Do you ever get those moods where you think to yourself ?? "I ought to restrain myself right now because I can tell the I am feeling a little out of touch with normal reality, and I know that I am capable of doing something that I will later regret and call crazy..."
Or into one of those moods where you think to yourself "Okay Damn't what the hell was I thinking, clearly I can jut trust my own judgement to make decisions right now, the last few things I have done were just ridiculouse, and here I am again off on these flights of fancy, daydreaming about impossible perfections as though they were possible....." Just getting so confused about everything somtimes and hardly being able to deal with life when even though you know what is real you don't know how real are your thoughts about it ................. ANd maybe I am driving myself crazy with emotions and questions and numbers and theories and and anda poems and... where is all the normal stuff in my life ?.. Like jobs and taxes and paperwork and friends that I don't creep out .... I NEEED drugs.. UGH
Ever been in one of those moods where you just have to think.."Wow the world is beautiful and here I am in it. This just all so wonderful, all this "is" stuff...."
or even " My life is hell, this world is hell.. constant self destruction, tears, pain, sadness, without love.. always being asked to do things I am not able to deal with.. I am in hell and I hate it ..... where is the door ?".."WHY CAN'T I DEAL WITH RESPONSIBLITY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE".. and sometimes I think that you are a clown put into the world to amuse everyone else..... UGH ..HELL HEAVEN HELL HEAVEN I CAN NOT DECIDE.. And sometimes I wonder seriously if I am delusional.. I have spent a lot of my life wondering exactly the reality of being "Mike" as compaired to my own internal delusional fantastic daydreams... I honestly believe that I am capable of anything, in possession of many talents, etc at different times of day............ right now is one of those skeptical times where I simply think I am less than average in every way " a complete bafoon" filled with hot air and waisted space, who makes itself a joke to the world by being seriouse about itself.. and that is just something I have to deal with now and again ....... Honestly I think this now and again ...... I wonder why people can't be nice to eachother just because they fundamentally are all human and are all therefore thinking emotional beings in a state of conciouse self awareness. All deserving of acceptance and understanding... People FIGHT over ideas about what is right, when I doubt the even understand that they are nothing but innocent children who are lashing out because of bad emotions built up over a lifetime of neglect and being fenced off from other people...... WHere is all the compassion in the world today ??.. and I don't mean an abstract world, I mean this one right here.. the one I wake up in every morning .. the one I talk to everyone in... WHere is the empathy ???... Why can't you smile and be humble and respectful and turn the other cheek to a child throwing a tantrum .... why not be patient and accepting ???.... I know that it would be great you know.... when I look at all the people in the world, all I can see are the tears and the hurting that they give to eachother every day "and my own"... Maybe I am crazy ... I am really starting to worry about it.... such is life is life when letting go of life forever and accepting I'm already dead some day .etc......................................... FIN Mike .... I cry over thoughts because human beings are nothing to eachother but big mean apes who have innocent children silenced gaged and buried in their souls ......................
I have it now.
I have an "idea" for the board.
now "layout" and "programming" will need to be addressed.
all in good time.

...

whee.

Back in March, I hurt myself at work. It sucked- especially on nights like this. I can't sleep- my back hurts too much. I hate that. a lot.

So, I decided to take a bath. I drew the water and added my wonderful bath salts and bubbles while I went off to get my book and a drink. I don't think you can really take a good bubble bath without also having a good drink- the two go hand in hand. I had orange juice, which would usually content me to the fullest- but not when I hurt like this. So, I took what was left of my dear friend Jose with me- which wasn't much. Perhaps there is some stock in other people's opinions. So, yeah. In the absence of anything appetizing, I also got a small plate of wheat crackers. Yum, really, as Bonnie sings 'Nobody cares, nobody cares, nobodycaresnobodycaresnobodycares'. and that became that.

I went to settle in my water, but didn't get very far at all. You know how people say that something burns so badly they can't feel it anymore? I wish that had happened, because I got one foot in before withdrawing in agony- I forget, my father likes to raise the water tempature at times. It was great. Really. . . so I drained about 1/4 of it and re-ran very cold water.

Now, I'm not one for mixed drinks at all. I hate them-why have a screwdriver and cover up the taste of vodka, my favourite? My brother drinks scotch and soda, and laughs at my neat. It happens- but I ramble, as Jeff reprimands me for using this as simply a 'message board'. However, Mr. Cuervo was on his very last leg, so I figured, 'Hell, why not?' and then I thought- "My god- how does Andy keep a job?!?"- no offense, only that I hate mixed drinks. and tequila-orange juice appears to be no exception. So, yeah. That was a waste.

No longer scortching, my bath wonderfully welcomed me. It was great- I pinned my hair up and read, losing interest in crackers but enjoying my plain little glass of orange juice. and I tured page after page of my book, reading, but not absorbing anything. I hate that. a lot. So I relaxed and thought about a trip I took recently, as Napster refers to my post as fertilizer. Baking bread and driving-my deterants to thought-are not available in this setting.

We were driving back from Seattle.
It was nearing 2 am.
He rambled on about a conquest, though I am unsure of the name.
Lada.
or was she one from the past?
I don't know, or care, really.
We pass a highway marker.
Portland's nearly 200 miles away.
and he rambles on and on about a girl he just met.
and he rambles on and on about conquests he's won.
What are you thinking?
My thoughts interrupted- Why do you ask?
You aren't talking. I thought you were thinking.
I laugh, try to think of something witty to say.
[of you, of course; crosses my mind]
Well?
I imagine him a pleading child.
I laugh again- I can't tell you.
Why's that?
I imagine he imagines me playful.
I sigh- You might think I'm trying to fuck you again.
Oh.
He knows I've never wanted him.
He begs me not to go where we've already been.
not to pour salt into that still-open wound.
and I obey.
We ride in silence, my thoughts still kept safely to myself.
We pass a highway marker.
Portland's nearly 25 miles closer.
and I sit.
and I think of a man nearly a quarter century my senior.
and I pray that I am not found out.


I'm not half the poet of my passenger-

October 24, 2001

My goodness- I just read something so funny that I had to post it. It was in a short story, 'Screaming Julians'. . .


Men are like pornography. They're amusing, but you still get off on them.

Ha!
Just wanted to stop by and say hello. I am working on a horrifically boring paper. The thesis is pertaining to the three books I was assigned to read in the last three weeks for my class on urban history, "Why don't the authors have very much to say about the role of African Americans in the founding of New Orleans, San Francisco and New York City?" The answer in a nutshell is I don't know. I just have to spread that out over seven pages.

I hope you are all well.
We seem to be in [yet another] slump.

I'm with Jimmi, in that it's getting close to time for me to just give up and leave.

Maybe something will prevent this, but the way we're going, I'm not going to bother anymore.
no more.... I ... do... NOT... want to... anymore.

October 23, 2001

Please take note that I am not " back " - as my posts will be primarily for administrative and maintenance purposes only. I got to thinking / and ( sorry to dissapoint you Aaron ) I think I'm going to have to call off the weekend " DEV TEAM " fest. After associating with so many people today, be it at school and around mike and jimmoi /

I've found my ... ability to ... not think ... of things ... and want to talk about them ... is minimal. So maybe sometime further down the line we'll do that whole idea.

Second, the two suggestions I've gotten so far have been taken into consideration - the first one ... Andy's, should be fixed even as you read this. The second, Napster's about a "self written paragraph" was originally the idea the first time I tried to make slug bios, but no real place to put them. Worry not, the exact "schematic" of the slug bios has no real form anyway. So anything that will be on them is still "up in the air" and readily open for suggestions. I would still appreciate "questions" any of you would like to see answered.

I watch dune, go sleep now.
Splurg

October 22, 2001

Shit and Shinola
Welcome back, mein typenstein.
Hmm....as to the new page.....me likes....

"and it's Alabama left and Alabama right......"

Yeah.


We're all fucked. It helps if you remember that.

I baked bread today. I think everyone should do that. It has to be good for the soul or something. Baking and driving, my two biggest stress relievers. Yep. And, then, your family thinks you love them because you baked them bread. Yes. That's the way things work. . .bake bread, everyone loves you.
I just have to say that, I think this is more enjoyable than a long rant about insignificant annoyances in my day to day life, esp when those things don't matter much anyway...why not just think about something nice, just because it's there ?

Forever where the sun is setting.
After all the day is done.
laying in an open meadow,surrounded all by evergreens.
A gentle breeze is blowing.
Everything alive is moving, and the sun is setting.

As the tree and grasses roll together in the gentle breeze.
And as the clouds are streaming.
Sun is setting, Music playing, all my life a dream forgetting.
Drifting in this moment.
I am letting peace be of me dreaming and forgetting.

When I am innocent inside, smiling at the beauty of it all.
Sunset casting colors.
Brilliant reds and orange, purple, blue eminating from infinity.
Forever where the sun is setting
In the distance when all of the day is done.

When a gentle breeze is blowing in the meadow.
The clouds and tree and grasses moving are all dancing.
And when Mozart playing, sun is setting, life becoming dream forgetting.
Being in this moment with her all does come together.
Like an artist is composing being in forever,
where the sun is setting,
in the meadow,
dreaming and forgetting.
Many things.

1 - please, in the comments section, leave any "suggestions" or "ideas" for the new format of the board.

2 - bradbury, please get ahold of me - and do you ( or anyone else for that matter ) know .php programming?
I am attempting to learn it myself - and will appreciate any assistance possible.

3 - software is needed. be it image or graphic or website making or good "scripts" for java or hosted things - you name it - not only do i mean software, but please comment with anything you'd like to "see" on the board. Sorry - no "moving words when you move the cursor" however - i find that terribly annoying. And if you suggest midi - I WILL kill you.

4 - I hope you all enjoyed the "uproar" that was started. I dont know if it is safe for me to post ... being that ... but I can maintain my blocks for the moment. In any event.

5 - please, in the comments section again, drop a " bunch of questions " which you believe should be on each slug's biography, answered by that slug. My personal question that I have come up with that I would definately enjoy seeing answered by us all is : " Name four 'favorite posts' of the past " --- these questions ( much like the ones long ago ) will be good stuff. Not all will be used, only the best.

6 - notice how I'm saying please? It is because I need your ( all of your ) assistance in this. We will make the one-year anniversary truely something to be seen! If you'll notice, you cant access the archives - that will be fixed, and it will be weekly. In fact - if I've done things correctly, try clicking HERE - and that should take you to a weekly assessment of the history files.

7 - Be carefull with yourselves slugs. Dont take the board so seriously. Me and Jeff have long agreed that " administrative priviliages " are chalked up basically to nothing much of anything but a name. Rarely does anyone "edit" a post - because most errors add "individual flavour" to their posts. What would jimmoi's posts be if he could actually spell WRONGE and not add an " e " to everything? Mind you - I do have some ... qualms with Ra-2u93801's posts... eh. Dont get so easily rowled, jeez ;)

ok - shit, it's like almost 1pm - i need to go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure no one reads my posts, or gives a damn, but oh well. This is how my weekend went...

I got back, just a half hour ago. I had a great weekend. :) I met these two Finish guys at the hostel I was staying at. (yes hostel, not hotel) They spoke english very well. They were in Gothemburg doing construction work for about two weeks or so. They get the weekends off.heehehee... they were both very handsome, blond blue/green eyed and were somewhat muscle bound. Not to the point where it's like 'eeewwyyy!' but so that they were very sexual you might say in that way. They spoke Finish sometimes, and I think it is a very beautiful language. Better than english and swedish. I found out quite sometime ago that the finish language is totally unique among the languages of the world. None other is quite like ot or even simular and they are constantly getting new words in the language. I'm happy I'm learning swedish and not the finish though, it's REALLY complicated. *smiles* Anyway, back to the boys, There names were Ostin and Pete. Ostin is 21, and he is two centimeters taller than me, but I still like him. Pete is 22 and is well over 6 feet tall... and about 93 kilos, I'm 55 kilos. Anyway, they are both very polite, nice, love music, they were just jolly fun to be around. I went to a lot of shops in Gothemburg, though I didn't really get much cause I was almost broke. LOL... I went to the inlet area, Gothemburg is by the sea, and saw a pretty ship. There were thousands of people on the streets Saturday, and I stayed with my host sister Anna Korin so I wouldn't get lost. :)

On Sunday, I didn't want to go to the museum with my host parents, so I walked for about 35 minutes strait to get back to the hostel and I didn't get lost! hehe... :) I hung out with Ostin who was there agian, he and Pete had gone out eirlier to go do something, but Ostin had a fever and so he came back. Pete went swimming and to the gym. Anyway, we chitchatted, watched MTV over here... a LOT LESS COMMERCIALS over here. LOL... after he went to go off and sleep in their room, I shortly thereafter went to mine and found myself taking a nap as well. I woke up about an hour later at 2:30pm. Anna Korin said we were going to leave for this restuarant dinner at 3. So off we went on the tram, picked up my host brother who lives in Gothemburg, and went to dinner. Twas aa very nice Restaurant about 10 mintues walk from Johan's flat. So we had our dinner, then dropped Johan off, then back to the Hostel. heheehee... Watched more tv this weekend then I really have in the past 2 weeks. I also finished 2 books and am almost done with a third. I like them, they are novels... 'To Kill a Mockingbird', 'A Kiss Before Dying' (that's about a serial killer), and my current 'Of Human Bondage' (no, that is not a romance/sexual book). :P

That evening the Finish guys and I were the last ones up, they're friend (another construction worker) finally got back from his weekend back in Finland with his girlfriend. Though I still don't know his name, and only saw him twice, he pretty much hid in their room after he got back, don't blame him, they go to work at 7 am the next morning. Anywho, the three of us, Pete, Ostin, and I, brushed our teeth together. That was fun in an odd way... we acted like we were rapid dogs for a while, n' made fun of the way eachother was talking. I helped Pete get the hair wax our of his hair. Then they went to bed. It was about 10:30 at this time. I went in my room, grabbed my book, and went back out into the living room area and read for a few hours. I finally went to bed and fell asleep around 2 am. I woke up at 5:23am, went back into the living room with my book and blanket wrapped around me, and continued to read. The boys got up about 6:30 and left in a little while. They thought I had stayed up the whole night reading, and I said no, I just didn't sleep that long. Pete mussed up my hair as he gotten into the habit of doing sometimes, and they left for work. Last I ever say of them. At 8 am I went back to bed and napped for ½ a hour. At nine, Mamma was knocking on my door saying we were leaving shortly and that I should come and eat. I took my time getting ready, then went and ate my breakfast. Nummy! I went back, mopped my room, had all my stuff packed, and so we left. I left a message for the boys at the desk (37).

As we were driving down the road, about 7 minutes after we'd left the hostel, the care broke down. Now this was funny. We pushed it into a nearby parking lot and couldn't get it started and didn't have a clue as to what was wrong. Pappa called a tow truck kind of thing, and I think we were there about an hour. After that, the driver got there, loaded the car onto the bed of his truck, we got back into the car, and off we went. It was neet being so high up above the rest of the cars. When he dropped us off at the garage, we got inside, grabbed a number and waited. I read, they sat around. I'm happy that I brought all those books with me! hehe... I dank 5 hot chocolate milks and a Coke while we were there. When we left a few hours later I found out it was some sort of pump in the car that had died. Not surprising considering their care looks like a piece of shit. Well... it runs so that's the main thing I guess. Off we were again and then we stopped at Mamma's sisters for about a half hour. By the time we left it was 3 in the afternoon. We got home around 6:30. And in the last part of my day I have been typing this, took a break for a homemade lasanna dinner, ate some ice and chocolate chip cookies my mom sent from home... an that's been my past 3 days. Maybe not interesting for some, but a great memory for me. so yippity do da day! hehe... :)

And now, for those who care...this is what i have to say:



Alright.

I have taken off sometime to consider some issues at hand...

(actually, that's not true...i've just been crazy-ass busy with collegey type stuff...reading, writing, arithmetic...)

but since i am awake, and can't concentrate on writing a simple two page paper...i will fake enthusiam, and fake interest, and write about what has been going on and polluting this board.

The issue of james and his standing.

Okay, this was supposed to be a simple poll about everyone's personal stance on james' return to blogger and his administrative status...

i take that back...it wasn't a debate on his return...that was guaranteed by me. I was going to let him back on...he said so himself that he was returning. I don't know where this talk about him not coming back came from...and i really don't care.

Also...what was supposed to be simple obviously has not been so. That should further teach me that simplicity is a hard thing to come by...or "its not simple to be simple"

(if you make statements in that form, 2 out of 3 orthodontists say that children remember what you've said longer :)

anyway...now there are comments being slung back and forth, and issues of backstabbing...

this is very aggravating.

(perhaps this is why for the longest time there wasn't democracy in many countries...it becomes very tiring for those who have to actually carry out the wishes and wills of others...)

I need to get a couple of things straight so they can be left to die in place...


  1. On the issue of administration...
    There is a good reason why everyone isn't an administrator...actually, there are probably several good reasons...but mostly...it should be painfully obvious why from reading this past weeks posts...there are too many different conflicting points of view, and too many conflicting interests that nothing would get done, and it is a slight possibility that someone might actually change another person's blog. I want that avoided at all costs.

    That's partly why i chose bradbury. He's damn good with computers and such...plus, i trust him. He had no vest opinion on this to the point where he'd change other posts or arbitrarily kick people off the board. And he keeps me in check...cause you know me...i'm a crazy rebel who's bound to erupt at any moment.

  2. On the issue of "administrator" james...
    This is still partly up in the air. Many people seem disgruntled with the idea of him just arbitrarily coming back and taking up his old reigns...i'm not totally sure why...but there are those that feel that way nonetheless.

    I haven't made a decision on this yet, and i'm not sure how bradbury feels completely, as i've been away...

    Both sides can probably be argued...it is true he created slugs, and some of you have made that point...
    but at the same time, slugs has come to have a life of its own, seperate from its original creator...it thrives on the conflict and blogs that EVERYONE posts, and some of you have made that point as well.

    much to be considered...and more than likely will be considered when james decides to make his return.


  3. On the issue of boxers or briefs...
    Personally, i like the comfort of boxers...

    but then again, there is a security that comes along with briefs...
    perhaps this is all freudian...

    any thoughts...



With all that said, i think i need some sleep.

I hope that this all can be left to settle.

Steve has made good points...and i think its something to consider.

This is NOT a message board...we do not all necessarily need to know whose meeting who at wherever at what time...

(unless its like a group paintball thing...and then again, that tends to get rather annoying as well...

at the same time, i am reluctant to say that you can NOT post about such trivial matters if you find such trivial matters pleasing...

that's what the telephone was invented for...
or cell phones if you pass the yuppie-test.

but then again, if you do, then there may be some unresolved issues you need to work through.)


This is a BLOGspot...That's what is was created as...

and whether or not you wish for james to be back and as an administrator...we can at least treat it the way it was intended to be...

For the Boswanians28

October 21, 2001

I have as much authority as the pope.
I just don't have as many people who believe it.


Couple of slow days. Yawn.

So I'm trying to figure out what I should go to this halloween party as.
I was thinking I should go as a minister....but the clothes are too expensive....so now I'm back at square one.....
Possibly something involving paintball gear?
Still not sure.

More yawns.

Why is it that all the interesting hobbies require so much damn money? Or is it just the hobbies that I'm interested in?

Just think, as you're reading this, some guy somewhere is getting ready to hang himself right now.


We're all fucked. It helps if you remember that.

October 20, 2001

Ugh.. slugs: to whom it may concern... okay I can admit that this board is a social institution, however, I disagree with anyone who thinks that another persons "posts" ought to be pleasing to them. I don't think that any individual slugs purpose is to assemble "posts" that are entertaining or in some way pleasing to the other slugs, but rather, to assemble posts that are, for personal reasons, pleasing to the slug in question. If in fact it is the case that one becomes a slug merely for the purpose of entertaining other slugs, then, I would rather not be a slug, in as much as, I am no court jester and do not in general enjoy entertaining other people. I believe that open critisizm is not only healthy, but to be desired, only because I am the sort of person who is interested in what others have to say. To anyone who thinks that I ought to or even do care if you enjoy my posts or not, I don't. To anyone who assumes that in posting I am obligated to post something which suits your taste or entertains you, I promise you that this will never be the case. To anyone who is disappointed or offended at the fact that my posts and or the posts of others have been less than enjoyable to them, you ought to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself just who you think that you are. ............ Regards Mike.............

My posts are not for your enjoyment, if you think they are, you are sadly self centered..err mistaken... you have no right to complain about the content of my posts or the posts of others "notice that I never do!".. so if you think that another persons posts aren't good enough for you, do not email/tell any admin about your problems, but deal with it yourself. We are big kids here, stop acting like children and just be cool .............
The observer... not very secretive at all James =p
Hey, Andrew, you know what?
I'm looking at well over 100 trees out my window, right now.
And a nice, gray, Washington sky. No evil blue sky and sun, just good old amorphous, luminent gray. Enjoy Nevada, MP boy.


Later.
Hey you know I remember you saying "...All I'll ever be doing is working on planes....." Now don't you look like a schmuck.

October 19, 2001

Well isn't this grand?

WTF is up with those tests being so early in the morning. I know I personally could have done much better than my piddly 1260 if I didn't have to wake up before the crack of noon. Not having been hung over might have helped (English comes fairly naturally to me, as my 720 on the vocab part showed....but math in the morning-not gonna happen. Though, as much as we used to get blasted and go to Wymer's class you'd think I was used to it by then.) Bastards.

the continuing saga of mud[not]


Steve, I feel, is the voice of reason in this.....and Jimbo has been the driving force behind this since it's inception. Also, not many of the original "Core" remain, the last thing we want to do is exclude one. If his "hiatus" or whatever you want to call it was indeed to work on a grand new idea for us, then, well, shit.....how could we leave him out? Maybe he has right to be pissed, but I still think "backstabber" is not correct. He did leave, and announced no plans to the group about his possible return or plans for it. SO......fuckit. Whatever.


So I had this brainfart while composing the rest of this....about the "core" of slugs, the way we were brought together, and James' idea of changing.
It's all rather Alec-esque, don't you think? And, after all, the "core" group of us, at least from where I sit, was introduced through Alec's class. I think...correct me if I'm wrong.

Anyway, at least it's Friday. This whole 40-hour a week job thing sucks. I didn't appreciate Friday until now. During school, it was somehow different. Strange.


Later.

I come to heal the loose slugs and start us down the road to recovery after a tragedy such as this. Please embrace me all and my warm fleshy manhood. Especially bonnie. And especially A-DaWg. Wrap your fists around my slab of hobo jerky and feel the love. Oh yes.
I accuiered (SP?) a new book today... new as in the sense to belonging in my ownership. *smiles* It's from 1854 and is in very good condition. It's actually in english too, so that makes it special to me. It's made with leather binding and very good black and white sketches. It's called 'A Brage-Beaker With the Sweded' or (don't know why it's an or) 'Notes From the North In 1852'. It's by w.Blanchard Jerrold. It's very interesting reading about the old Sweden... I'm glad to have gotten it, it is a nice piece to add to my collection. :)
The only other old book I have gotten here is in Swedish. It's an somewhat illustrated children's book. translated from English. It's one I'm sure some of you have heard of 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'. Well this is all for me.
Over here in Sweden they play a lot of american songs... or songs that are in english anyway. :) I find if comforting at times in some odd way. Tomorrow I have to get up at 5:30 so I can get packed showered, ect. for the 3 hour drive to Gothemburg. We'll stay there this whole weekend and come home sometime monday. Anyway... that's all that's really going on in my life right now.

Toodles!
Hm...seems the elder Collins is a little pissed.
And I agree with him on a lot of points, but calling us backstabbers.....maybe a little harsh.
After all, he left us with no explanation, just...."I'm leaving, I'll probably be back in a couple of months" WTF is that?
And now he comes back indignantly saying that we turned our backs on him? WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Sorry man, it doesn't work that way.
Matter of fact, here is the exact text of his final post:
"A two dollar bill says you never saw this coming.

I'm leaving the board.
my decision is final.
yes, I'm being a whiney little Aaron - but it is not because of any social interactions in-as-much as it is that what I could post would be harmfull to my currently ... I dont know.

Bradbury / I havent gotten around to reserving paintball.
Have Steven do that for you.
Just leave a messege I'm sure he'll reply to it.

Dont worry.
I will probably " be back " ( meaning I force Jeff into inviting me again ) in no less than two months.
I wont be checking the board either.
It has become a sick ...
sick ... contraption.

I find myself still confused.
and sick.
so terribly sick inside.

so.
keep tight.
buckle up.
dont expect many board "changes" anytime soon.
and try to convince Jeff to adding people onto the board /
so that when ( if ) I return I can boot them off on technicalities and be a real big asshole!

WHEE."

Ok then.


Later.

October 18, 2001

The new mayor of Suckville

Have you seen the new dodge ram? ugly ass truck.
I just had to get that out in the open....I still hate dodge. But at least they had the good taste to pay Aerosmith a butt-load of cash to use their song in the ad blitz.

Not to mention Netscape 6. ick. lousy, slow, buggy, crashy stupid fucking IE rip-off nutscrape 6. they should've never abandoned Mozilla. bastards.

Yes I have no argument about allowing James back, he should be allowed back. Making him an admin though.....well, maybe not right away. How about a probationary period.......? Be worth discussing. If I remember correctly, he said he wouldn't be coming back and he wouldn't be checking on us. Dramatics. What's it been, a week? pretty lame. Just goes to show, you can't get away...You'll like it down here.
We
all float down here...



Oh, yeah, I almost forgot....changes.....we should be thinking of ways to make this place look, if not better, at least different



Later.

Input



Ahh...now this is good input. Good good input.

I think its also good to have new members...

Yes, this is james' creation...that is true...and i have no desire to exclude him. However, the question of whether or not he goes back to being an administrator is what is being talked about. Right now i have no opinion on it...in fact, originally i figured he would be one, and that this was just a james-haitus.

Since this is a board though, i thought i'd leave it up to a discussion of whether he gets his administration back. (More than likely it will be restored though, but that doesn't mean for sure.)

To respond to heather: That was james' policy, if indeed that is what he said. James' policy is james' policy and remains james' policy. I do things differently. If he wishes to come back, he can come back. The same courtesy, after all, has already been extended to Aaron (and with no complaints), and to Jake, whenever he actually comes back. If jimmoi leaves, he to will be allowed back...

...as far as my policy.

Okay, enough of that policy garble.

I should really work on making this board a little different...since bradbury and i are administrators...maybe we should make it look a little different...

any thoughts on that? or should we just leave it the same...
i may need to figure out how to change the links so that new people can click on something to email either bradbury or myself.

(You know this is what annoyed me about james leaving...he left me with this extra added little thing to deal with...

though it is an interesting change.)

For the Boswanians27
As it was explained to me, once you leave the board, that's it- no more coming back. Why should Jamie be allowed to throw a temper tantrum if he won't give the same courtesy to anyone else on the board?
Heh, sorry about that outburst, how are you kids doing?
I LOVE YOU BONNIE!!!!
I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN AND MAKE HOT WILD VERMICIOUS SEX TO YOUR OH SEXY BODY!!!!
POSER!!!!
Good to have you on the board.
And, knowing how you hate to be called that, I'll stick to calling you Andy from now on.

And about James, I'm at nature against listening to him on that, simply because the core group of us isn't good enough, and if people keep leaving it will get pretty boring around here.
That said, I am also interested in knowing WTF he has "Planned" for this, and thus against adding new people. But since Andy has been added, I see no reason to stop.
As to his return, well, I feel he should be an admin, after all he created this. But I will yield to the group consensus.

Insofar as the person/people Aaron suggests, sure, why the hell not?
I'll invite the one you posted before, creepyguyinblack@yahoo.com, just email me (nbradbury@mac.com) with the others and I'll get it done...


Later.

and Hello to you Andrew.
Nice to see a new typer on the board. :)

That would be interesting to see his reaction and such. hmmm... I agree with the others so far about the 'James administration' thing. No offense meant to you though James. :)

I am creating a life size human head out of clay. It's rather interesting creating something that way... you can bring it to life, and destroy it so easily. Even after I have it fired in the kiln. It will be strong, but it can still break and shatter... just like humans in a way.

hej då lite etts.
Tarwyn

Viva la Revolution



Well, it seems we have a consensus beginning to take shape as to the state of james' position on the board...

...which is interesting, because despite what he has said, james has been looking at the board...

Anyway, whether or not to have james back as an administrator is up to everyone here i suppose...or at least everyone's thoughts will be taken into consideration...

so i guess this is also to bradbury then...don't make james an administrator if you add him...i'm very interested in what everyone else has to say about this...

(what can i say, its my good to study people and their perspectives, opinions, and reactions...)

Aaron: i'll look into adding that other guy as soon as i get some spare time...or you can have bradbury do it if he so wishes...

For the Boswanians26
Hey Andrew is on the board . Great news, by the way, Aaron, Andrew is a friend of mine,bradbury's,sherrie's and drew's.. He am is good guy lol
Okay just to put in my two cents... I say that we give James absolutely no power whatsoever. I say this because James is, as we all know, a control freek, and so taking away any "suggestion" power he might have over this " I believe to be his own creation" is just too tempting for me to want to let it go.
can you find them... ?
I did :)
There are now 4 of us in all...
eventually we will come an rule over ******** (edited)

happy times for them and me :)

*hugs for everyone(?)*
Tarwyn

Second Brand



I hate winamp.

I don't know why i decided to write that...but i've decided that i will not use it anymore.

Instead, i'm going to use sonique...

Mostly because it has better, or so i have seen so far, better visualizations. That, and for some reason it just runs better on my computer...at least i think so.

You know, this post almost feels soooo meaningless...

that or perhaps its my existance...at least my existance at 12:47 at night.

Other little things on my mind:

  1. For the first time ever, i'm glad i'm not important enough to get mail...let alone get anthraxed mail.


  2. Why aren't i important enough to get anthraxed mail?


  3. Is it my breath?


  4. Ahem...anyway...Why do people feel the need to call each other on cell phones when they are both probably only five minutes away from home? Couldn't they just wait to get home and call in the comfort of their homes?


  5. Why is it that some people can't go up one DAMN flight of stairs? I mean come on, is it really that hard to walk from the 5th floor to the 6th floor? Perhaps it is those same people who can't wait to get home to make a phone call?


  6. Why are they called French Fries...and are the French annoyed by that name?


  7. Perhaps i just don't exude that air of importance to get anthraxed-mail.



As you can see, there aren't that many mental processes that occur in my head this late at night...

...or ever.

For the Boswanians25

Update



Nothing much to say, just needed to quickly state that Bradbury is now your second administrator. Thus, if you have any questions about anything and i'm not around, there is bradbury.

Also, if you have someone to add, and i'm not around, bradbury can add them for you.

(However, i'm not sure if we are added people just yet, purely based on what james said to me...then again, i'm seriously considering NOT listening to what he said, since he did leave the board...which leaves the decision on adding up to bradbury and myself...as well as a general consensus amongst us all...ah...i don't know yet.)

Anyway, that is all for now.

For the Boswanians24

October 17, 2001

Sure, Why Not?



Sounds like fun.
Or something.

But, yes. And as I seem to have been......mentioned.......by others during the earlier disscussions, it should work.

If anyone has objections, please say so.

If not, well then, I have big plans - drink a lot, party a lot, pick up women......oh, wait, none of that has anything to do with here. This place - no plans.

But anyway.

They rained out today at SIR. It didn't rain, it wasn't raining when I got there, it isn't raining now, and it won't be raining later. And I was going to work on my reaction times...and shift points...and launches...ok so I was really going to work on everything, and I need practice.....oh well.


Later.

Bureacracy and stuff



Sorry i haven't posted for awhile, i've been indisposed...mostly with calculus.

Good news is that i'm starting to understand it.

A couple of things:

  1. Aaron: Right now the link is still to james' email...so if anybody wants to join, they are going to have to email me seperately at: nonfinis@u.washington.edu

    I would turn that into a hyperlink, but i can't remember how just right now, and i have to make this a somewhat quick post, so i don't have time to look it up.


  2. Aaron: James was telling me about something he has planned for his return to the board, whenever he has that planned. He said something about how adding new people would make it "bloody difficult"...whatever that meant. So until i talk to james more extensively on that, i won't be adding new people. However, if you get me jake's, then i'll add him, regardless of what james was saying, since he was an old slug.


  3. Bradbury: If you really want to be an administrator, just say so, and i'll make you one. Just thought i'd give you the chance to decide.


  4. Jimmoi: I actually have nothing. Oh wait...yeah...you don't have to necessarily leave the board just cause you don't post much. Look at half of the people here...sometimes it gets a little spotty when it comes to people posting. No one is exactly required to post every day, or on a certain schedule. Besides, in some people's cases there posts are a hell of a lot more interesting when they only post occassionally. (It makes for good catch-up reading.)


  5. Michael: Sorry, can't come to paintball. Oh, and stop eating paintchips. 2 out of every 3 doctors say that it is bad for you, dontcha know?


  6. Me: Remember to stop by Schmitz Hall and talk with the student finances department.



There, i think i covered virtually everything that i meant to cover.

And now, on to a different topic.

I had the wierdest dream last night. I was at some get-together or something....and there was confetti...

Well, a really sharp, long strang of confetti got caught in my eye...like stabbed me in the actual eye!

Strange stuff...and then, i was holding my hands over my eyes, which were tearing up like crazy.

Then i get the idea to pull this strand of confetti out. My god! I didn't think you could really feel that type of pain in a dream...

(of course, it could probably be argued that it is only symbolic pain, or a memory of a similar pain being replayed in my mind, and there was no actual pain involved...but you know what...i really don't care...it hurt like hell!)

Anyway, my girlfriend saw my eye and just screamed and stuff...and i couldn't understand why. Then i saw the strand i pulled out and it was like an inch or two long piece of metallic confetti. (up until this point i had no idea what was actually in my eye...just that i had something.)

Then i looked into the mirror, and i could actually see a hole in my eye...and behind my eye was like a machine part...and it was like my eye was this machine or lens that got punctured, and i was seeing into the mechanical part of my eye. My vision in that eye was still fine though.

Now normally i could probably decipher this dream, to a degree, with relative confidence...but i really don't want to or have the energy to right now...maybe later.

I did need to write it down though, so i could remember it for later...
so i decided to do that here, and share such a wonderful experience with you all...

Because sharing is what the good people do...

For the Boswanians23
Sometimes there just isn't a whole lot to say ............ algea, just drifting with the tide ........
Let us say I have one, just one of them. If I take this one and that one I have two, but I still have one. If I then take another one and another one, I get three and four, but I still have one. I can keep going on like this for an eternity, but I'd always have just that one.

............

laughing as I cry
droning of Bo - tiresome
two in the corner
no ending from one to the other

sing a song long forgotten
laughing as I cry

............

took it before
taking it again
stupd cycle...
don't remember shit of it

graphing - sooo boring!
droning teacher
bad enough in english
babbling hurts my ears

.............

Those two...
She works
He knows it
She's stressed
He's horny

Both want to play

He's says fuck it
She says stay
He listens in bordom
She scribbles notes

After a while, they're gone for the day

.............

hehehe... me no care!
2 weeks would be blissful. :)

October 16, 2001

ohh yeah, I found this in my journal today ..........


To those who read me
read me writing
what I wrote
To those who listen
hear me speaking
what I say
I must tell you something
you must know
I world exist within and see
I exist and world within me
being there within it
if you get it
understand me
what I'm saying
what I wrote
then I must tell you
I see am world amazing
confusing world I am seen
tempting seeing amazing
to those who know me
understand exactly
what I'm thinking
what I wrote
mirror need I am
.. do you know ?

October 15, 2001

SleepyTime



Actually, as much as i don't want to say this, your mom is partially right. The body does indeed have sleep and wake cycles, called Circadian rhythmns, and if they vary too much, then your body tends to feel more stressed out. The more stressed out your body becomes, the less able it is to fight off colds and bacteria and stuff. Basically, if you've been staying up to late and sleeping in...I wouldn't go opening any white powdered envelopes.

With that said though, i still would say it isn't exactly dangerous. As long as you make up the sleep by sleeping in, you should be fine. There are points in the day when the body is more awake because of those circadian rythmns, but overtime it can compensate and adjust itself anyway. Also, if you only do it once in awhile, then it can't cause any real harm anyway.

When i worked at Target at night, i always had a wierd time sleeping and stuff.

Anyway, enough of school children...no wait, more school. I'm skipping calculus to finish up a paper. Not very smart of me, but then again, i'm not very smart. Thus, my not very smart action is reduced to average action, and i'm okay.

Logic...its your friend and mine.

This paper was about cognitive psychology and its applications. Mentions of Gestalt theory (hey, i think i mentioned that somewhere before) and the like. Rats in a maze and how they make maps.

Good stuff.

Now i'm off to turn it in and do some interesting things today. Glorious interesting things. Wahoooo!!!

DiD you know?: On Mario Kart 64, when you select your driver, if you select Mario, he says "Let's a-go!" in his cheesy italian accent, or whatever accent that is. However, if you listen closely, it actually sounds like he's saying, "Mexi-co!". A-HA!!! The mexicans are trying to invade our country and they are using Mario as their tool! I always knew there was something fishy about that plumber, and the way he always ate mushrooms to become "bigger".

For the Boswanians22

Brief



Paintball sounds like it was fun.

Wish i could have gone. Then again, since i had no money, it would not really have panned out very well for me.

Who all went anyway? And did anyone get any pictures.

I still have undeveloped pictures of the last time i went paintballing with everyone, and as soon as i have them developed and scanned, i'll post a few of them.

Let's see, what else...what else.

Not much really. I'm just trying to stall so that i don't have to write up my paper...but that's gonna run out soon, and i'll have to work on it.

Blah. This week we are going to discuss Gestalt Psychology. Yup, that's right jimmoi, it is a true psychology/philosophy (in some circles i believe it is considered as part of philosophy. I know i told you about this before, but i still though it was amusing that you were making up something that was actually real.)

What else...

Well, for all those who care, and understand, i have come to the conclusion that Evolutionary psychologists are nothing more than Freudians. (It's actually an obvious conclusion, but i thought i'd mention it here and now.) Both believe that sex is the ultimate goal (or rather reproductive success), and that all our tensions arise from problems in that area.

Still going to learn HTML, as soon as my schedule permits.

What else... (its like the post of updates today, isn't it.)

I have 200 MB of web space now, and all i had to do was write the UW tech center and asked to be upgraded from the 100 MB. I could really use that space to work on a webspace, or whatever i choose.

I can also now store larger movie clips on my space, if i need to upload them to the internet for some reason.

Jimmoi posted...i haven't seen him post in awhile. That's good. I miss his sometimes controversial and argument-stirring posts. I mean c'mon...all i can do is post "uncovered, never before seen" pictures of james and his love affairs with Fabio and un-named ski instructors.

Wrestling has really turned gay...in my opinion. I don't watch it anyway, but it was on one day when Allen came over and wanted to watch it. Apparently there is a superhero wrestler named "The Hurricane", which was nothing more than a cheap Batman ripoff. Not the costume, but the gestures and dialouge. Sad sad world people.

We don't need anthrax to kill us. The following things are, what i consider, to be far deadlier than anthrax or ebola:


  1. WWF

  2. The Mummy Returns, on DVD with never before seen footage!

  3. Stepsister, a drama to be found on lifetime...where a psych major uncovers her new stepsister's plot to steal her father's fortune. Her psych skills allow her to set up an intricate trap to catch her evil stepsister though. Wow-oh-wow!

  4. The Fast and the Furious

  5. Tomb Raider

  6. The Fast and the Furious...(no, this is NOT a typo)

  7. i-Senior! (this is probably NOT politically correct)

  8. curious ski instructors

  9. anything to be found on UPN

  10. OTown, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Limp Bizket, etc...

  11. Biggots and the like

  12. The Faster and the Frenziedly Furious, sequel to this year's blockbuster, and homecoming theme for Bethel High School: The Fast and the Furious. (while nobody's heard of the sequel, rest assured that Satan's minions are quick at work creating it.)



Yeeup. In truth, don't fear your mail that comes laced with funny powder. You already have too many things in our own backyard that threatens the wellbeing of you and your children.

For the Boswanians21

October 14, 2001

Tarwyn, which club would you be refering to? Cause Im kinda dumb like that. If you mean this place, Im always here, but I never usually say anything.
How was paint-ball?
Chicabee, Jigabee, and Gapoo...

ALL MINE DAMMIT!!!

HAhaHA hee hee...

A few of the odd words I have made up over the years that I do use in my language... even my Swedish. I see no reason to change my jiberish language merely because I am no longer speaking english. I think Jiberish is universal. There is no real set to it, so two complete strangers, if they use jiberish, can communicate quite well. My little 'cat/furby/cooing/what the...? noises' I have made since I was about two years of age. I consider them part of my jiberish. In my lifetime I have only met 4 people who can make those same neet noises that I do. I liked 3/4 of them. The other was simply a bitch and I didn't bother with here for long. The last I met shortly before I left the United States on a Thursday while bowling. I liked her the best. Now I think Jesse knows the Anime Cafe there in Spanagraham... I was with that group. Quite fun. Anyway, she and I started to get into a conversation in pure jiberish (now in jiberish you do use body language to emphisize {yes I know the spellings wrong} things and give visual exsamples). Now this made some of the people in the Anime Cafe wonder what was going on, and it spooked one or two out I dare say. We were really getting into a nice conversation, no one understood what we were talking about except the two of us. Gloriously fun. She told me a funny story about something that had happened to her earlier that day. We broke out laughing and oh the joy of it. I think her name was Ester or something like that... I'm so bad at remembering names! *argh* anyway, we had to promise not to get into a converstation like that again cause we were spooking others out with our odd noises and laughing faces. I miss her, though I do not really know her. Also, the 4 people I have met who can make my noises, are all female. We are blessed I think. hehe...

I think that this is the end ot my little tale for now for my wrists are starting to feel very sore and stiff (stupid carpal tunnel).

I say buh-bye to you my friends, and complete strangers...

Hej då mina jigabees!
Tarwyn
DrJekyll Hyde...

Welcome to the club.

Tarwyn
I suddenly realized that I dont know who I am. I woke up this moring to an empty house, without a letter from anyone telling me what to do and when to have it done by. I realized Im getting married, Im taking remidial classes, hanging out with "friends," lieing to my parents constantly, taking PE and enjoying it, and am in the armed forces. Im confused as to who this person is. I dont remember waking up on a previous morning and saying to myself "today is the day that I will become a completly different person. Im going to quit taking hard classes geared toward college, avoid college completely, and change my entire "moral" being." I think I would honestly remember something to that effect.
Worse still more I had an epiffany (yes I know i spelled it wrong) -- Im actually holding down a job that I enjoy, and making VERY good money.
What ever happened to "me?"
Ive always been geared towards college, medicine, and well, frankly, men. Now I seem to have lost ambition to persue any of them. Instead Ive decided to go the complete opposite direction (with the exception of the men thing, Im not a lesbian, sorry boys)
Sometimes I cant sleep cause I have too much going on in my head. Tonight would be one of those nights. And the worst part is I cant even put whats in my head into words, which would really help me sleep.
I start to think about all kinds of things, and I really wonder about it untill it actually hurts my head, then I have to get up and do something... clean my room, the bathroom, do work, read a book, go online. all of the above.
I started thinking about my day. I had a really strong sence of de ja vou ( yes, I know I spelled it wrong, Im a german student not a french student) today, to the point of becomeing nausious. I actually had to leave the room. Worse yet, I had a dream/awake deep thinking moment, where I actually saw myself die for the second time. I had this dream about a month ago, and I woke up from it with that gut instinct you get, you know the one, when you know for a fact its going to happen. I actually threw up from it. I saw myself die agian today. And this time it was more in depth than the first time. I know it now, I will die before I turn 20. Im oddly enough beginning to accept this fact. Although the part that bothers me the most is that other people are going to die as well. I wont give you the gory details, but just know that there are going to be a lot of people very hurt, very soon. (not by me either you sick freaks)
This all should bother me, but strangly enough I just kinda have to keep doing things the way I usually do. Cause if I dont, people will think Im nuts. But when it finally does happen, someone is going to remember me mentioning this, and then they will wonder why they never thought to ask me more...
I wonder sometimes if its actually possible to think myself out of existance, like if I try really hard, I could just completely erase everything I have been and ever will be.
I think I know what I would do if I could do anything I wanted this very moment and then come right back once Im done.
If all good children go to heaven, then where the hell am I going?

October 13, 2001

I am is me
wonder why I am is me
and knowing am is that need
meaning what am is to be ?
Wondering who am is
and knowing is me someone
searching in a poem
I am is someone searching
a mirror for myself can be this meaning
mirror of I am is me
I am is missing dreaming
and I am is wondering
still knowing that I am
and still not knowing why
no mirror for my am
no dreaming me I am
no mirror for myself
I am have no meaning
Raoul Duke, you have to be joking... I don't really get along with kids around that age so well. Especially the stuck up little bitches who think they are the Queen of the Nile or something along that sort. *LOL*
4:30am. I just got home from work. I hate doing the bookwork - piece of shit manager doesn't want to do it herself so she makes the new guy do it. Ah well, thats an extra two hours on my payroll.

... something else swimming around in my head but I don't know what it is...

I need to buy a bottle of Captain Morgen's Spiced Rum. That's great stuff. However I don't want to spend my tips / paycheck on it, hence I'll probably not get one. =p

I go sleep. yum.
Hey DUKE...

When you said,"Bonnie only two more days until camp assend of nowhere yipeeee Tarwyn this is definately a school activity that you will have to undertake next year if you come back."

What exsactly were you talking about, cause' I'm clueless. :)

October 12, 2001

Yawn.
As much activity as there was yesterday, it's been godawful slow today.
Not bad for my first full day of no longer being a teenager.
That's right, I turned 20 yesterday. Woo-fucking-hoo.
19 and 20 are the nothing birthdays. And 17. That "yea, I'm a year older, but gain nothing."
But that's okay.
To celebrate, I'm going up to Rick's, in Seattle.
Nothing says "Happy Birthday, man" like your buddies paying some lady $20 to rub all over you for the duration of one song.
God bless America.

On another note, what time should those of us who are paintballing meet there Sunday? 8:30?


Later.

Jesse, did I loan my Win2k cd to you, or was it Ash?
Have you seen it around in your workspace?
its a burned CD, in a jewel case, with a floppy disk, the cd key is writen on it in purple.

I need it, if you see it let me know ASAP


Later.

Hmm.. for someone I've only heard 'good' things about you sure do write nasty comments Bonnie. I highly doubt my post required such a crude and childish responce.

Not to be rude myself, but I think you need to pull whatever is grinding in yer ass out and put a smile on your face. An actual one, not something for show.

October 11, 2001

Ok, let me know what you would do...
You have lied to your parents and told them that you have school today. Instead you meet your significant other at a public place, then pass your parents on the road while driving with your S.O. in the vehical. Your parents ask your sibling if you were in school, and your sibling replies, yes, "so and so" was in 3rd and 4th period today, so I dont know what your talking about. Your parents ask you, and you reply "well class is over for the semester, so we have 2 days without first period first aid"
Worse still more, your significant other has yet to break it the the S.O. parental units of your relationship, let alone your engagment. Then you run into the P.U. while doing inappropriate acts in public...
what do you do now?
hmmm ...... two selections and then I am off $$$$$$$$

thought from chaos
all round words in
there in a thought
a thought there in words
in thinking there a thought
chaos in out it of
wods in chaos
a thought revealed in words
born out of chaos
a thought being thinking

tragic and beautiful
likely this will do nothing
but fill the time that now I have to fill
trying to find something eternal
a moment keep escaping me
to fill the time that is my life
not one moment long enough
searching for meaning in myself
thinking being thought of
likely this will do nothing
but be my life passing
searching for something eternal
a moment keep escaping it
to fill the time that is my life
to write my life in moments
likely this will do nothing
searching for a meaning in myself

Dream



Ahhh...i had the strangest dream ever...strange and scary.

I dreamt that i was fat. Not just like a little fat, or pleasantly plump...no no...it was even fatter than when jimmoi was fat....

It was like eddie murphy when he played that fat scientist in that movie...uhmmm...The Nutty Professor...yeah, i think that's the one.

It was frightening. In the dream, one day i was just normal regular jeff...then i went to sleep, and the next morning, i was fat. It was strange actually, now that i think about it.

I wasn't large bodily...not that i remember. It was just my face...it was a fat face...it was all droopy and disgusting... It was also comical to see a really fat face on a normal sized person. Screwy.

Yeah, that was my dream...

That, and i dreamt at one point that james posted something on the board...i have no clue why though.

I need to stop staying up late and watching foreign films. It's messin' with my thought processes.

For the Boswanians20
Thankfully I rarely get these anymore... but I got one today, and out of pure bordom I filled it out. I figured, 'Hey, why not share it...' (hahaha)

1)Starting time: 8:11 pm
2)Name: Tarina
3)Nicknames: Tarwyn, Fruitcake, Hwyfar, Hershey's, Tim, Cowgirl, Sweety, Raven, Rose, Alien, 'The Child', Crazy One, Wierd One, Chica, Cutey, Sweets, Camelion, Pimpstress, Mischievious One, Devil's Child, Psyco, The Red-Haired Chic, Unicorn/Fabled Creature, Moon Mistress, Runner, 'T', TR, 'LIL' One, Shadow
4)School: Karrolinska
5)Screen name: ?
6)Eyes: no specific color, change all the time… except my night eyes which are a crystallic green
7)Height: 5'6"
8)Siblings: One half older sister, 2 step brothers - 2 host brothers, 3 host sisters (all in all out of my two host families)
9)Been so drunk you threw up?: nope
10)Been so drunk you blacked out?: nope
11)Ever cheated on a test?: yup
12)Ever helped someone cheat?: on school work… and some tests
13)Missed school because it was raining?: no
14)Set any body part on fire for amusement?: yes
15)Kept a secret from everyone?: yes
16)Wanted to hook up with a friend?: yes
17)Had an imaginary friend?: several in fact =)
18)Cried during a flick?: hehe… you bet
19)Had a crush on a teacher?: no, had several I was fond of though
20)Ever thought an animated character was hot?: I don't remember who, but quite a few
21)Ever at any time owned a New Kids on the Block tape?: no
22)Do you like Minuto?: I have no idea what that is
23)Prank called someone?: =)
24)Been onstage?: but of course

---------------FAVORITES---------------
25)Shampoo?: strawberry
26)Soap?: strawberry
27)Colors?: no specific, but I really like black, silver, all green shades
28)Day/night?: NIGHT… but 3 hours in a day of sunlight is acceptible
29)Summer/winter?: Autumn, Winter… Summer is okay
30)Online smiley?: =) :)
31)Lace or satin?: Silk, satin… most lace is itchy!
32)Union or Conferderate?: NEITHER
33)Do you like anyone?: yes…
34)Who's the biggest asshole you know?: my sister
35)Who have you known the longest of your friends?: …. Can't say
36)Who's the loudest?: too many loud ones
37)Who's the shyest?: lil one
38)Who do you go to for advice?: the voices in my head… haha :P
39)Who do you get the most surveys from?: don't get many
40)Who do you cry with?: myself or a close guy friend

-----------IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS------------
41)Cried?: yup
42)Cut your hair?: nope
43)Gone to a party?: hmm…? Oh yes I have :)
44)Been mean?: yup
45)Been sarcastic?: your asking me this, why?
46)Met someone new?: uh huh
47)Talked to someone you have a crush on?: hehe… =)
48)Missed someone?: yes =(
49)Hugged someone?: yes
50)Fought with your parents?: not possible… they're almost on the other side of the planet
51)By the way, what do you think of the person who sent you this?: interesting, good actor, sarcastic, nice person
53)Played Truth or Dare?: nope
54)Watched sunrise/sunset?: pretty
55)Went to the beach at night?: =(
56)Took a bath/shower?: haha… but of course! =P
57)Read a book for fun?: several
58)Ate a meal?: if I hadn't I'd be dead
59)Are you lonely?: partly
60)Are you happy?: partly
61)Are you talking to someone online?: Yup yup… Mike.

--------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------
62)God/Devil?: Agnostic
63)Love?: of course… not the best thing at times though
64)The Closet Monster?: you never know
65)The Big Bang Theory?: don't know
66)Heaven/Hell?: look at #62
67)Superstitions?: eep?
68)What is your full name?: Tarina Rose Reichert
69)Who named you?: my biological parents that I'm aware of
70)Backstreet Boys or N'Sync?: both will do well for target practice… one or two of there songs are okay
71)When was the last time you showered?: before this survey
72)When was the last time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?: currently… unfortunately
73)When was the last time you brushed your teeth?: before my shower
74)What was the last thing you said online?: what are you doing this weekend?
75)What is right next to you?: shelves of books
76)What is your computer desk made of?: some sort of wood
77)What is the last thing you ate?: chips
78)Who do you have a crush on?: They know…. or don't know
79)Where do you want to go on your honeymoon?: away from civilization
80)Who do you want to spend your life with?: ideally… Hwyfar
81)How many buddies do you have on your list?: many lists, too many buddies
82)How's the weather right now?: windy, clear skies
83)What did you do last night?: talked online, worked on my project, studied Swedish and math
84)What's the best thing you find about the opposite sex?: depends on which individual
85)Favorite hair color of the opposite sex?: black, dark brown… some red =)
86)Pizza or ice cream?: BOTH!!!
87)How do YOU eat an Oreo?: with milk and whatever kind of junkfood I can find
88)All-time favorite TV show?: none
89)Favorite quote?: no specific, but here's one "Reality is what you believe it to be"
91)Favorite person?: the 'inner' me
92)What are your future goals?: I'm not telling
93)Favorite music?: everything… yes, everything, from Beathoven to some rap… country to Acid Jazz... ect
94)Favorite food?: don't know, so much I still haven't tried
95)Favorite movies?: none
96)Favorite days of the year?: lots of days… but I like Friday the 13th's
97)Least favorite time of the year?: large family social gatherings
98)Do you like to dance?: yes
99)Fast or slow?: both
100)Are you too shy to ask someone out?: somewhat, depends on my mood and who it is
101)Did you notice number 90 was missing?: yes
102)If you could change your name what would it be? Tarwyn most likely
103)Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: Bear is her/his name, I got him when I was 3½… he at home :(
104)Have you ever been in love?: currently
105)What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?: *ROTFLOL*
106)What will your first son's name be?: Hwyfar
107)First daughter's?: Still trying to figure that one out
108)Favorite drink?: too many… prefer ice to water
109)Do you like scary or happy movies better?: both equally
110)On the phone or in person?: for what... talking? sex…? Couldn't say
111)Lust or love?: Love, though lust has it's merits
112)If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?: the voices
113)Do you consider cheerleading to be a sport?: hahaha…
114)Do you want your friends to do this survey?: I sent it to no one :)
115)Time done: 8:43 pm