October 31, 2001

Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.
I miss not being able to go trick or treating this year. Most people would say that being 17 is far too old to be dressing up and going door to door. Well that is their opinion, and they are intitled to it, but I still love Holloween, and when I'm eighty or more... if I survive that long, I'll still be doing it, only I won't likely have to dress up anymore unless I want to cause I'll naturall scare the kiddies. When I come back next year I'll be 18... but the cycle set for me when I was little will continue. :)

The Holloween is different over here, though they are starting to get american traditions. Instead they go visit graveyards (or not) and put candles on the loved oned headstone. They do what we do at Holloween on Easter. They dress up in scary things, or nice if your that way, and they go out and get candy. If they fully take on our Holloween traditions on Holloween, then they'll end up with two very simular holidays. Odd thought in a way. So I won't be hunting for easter eggs this years or getting a basket full of goodies, I'll just go trick or treating. :)

or however you want to take it.
You killed the poor defenseless little mouse.... YOU MURDERER YOU!!!

thats right.
Living in America ... what an ordeal.. I say living in America, because I have never actually lived in another country before, so I make no assumptions about those people...

Matters of confusion
in my matters what that matters in delusion tasteless
there all bunched up and tightly wrapped and pulling tighter
getting closer snapping tighter pulled
intense tension stressful crazy appearing lost and lazy
slowly pulling tighter all the matters of confusion..
weighing down on taking emotional trying seeking answer
wanting peaceful relaxation all the while pulling tighter
needs for simple overburdoned by intension of great tension on the line that pulling tighter
so much tension is unstable
snapping creaking under pressure
my matters of confusion in what matters all delusion
tasteless there still being matters
overwhelmed and shaking
no place to hide forgetting why it hurts now
just sitting and licking wounds
with matters all still there
I pour salt on them and can't relieve myself of stupid fear and tensions
boundless pulling tighter I am breaking .......
it starts with jimmoi, and a hat.
he comes in - and says " hey look its my hat "
I cannot but help remember where the hat had been, and what it subsequently reminded me of.
I smiled - and laughed - packed my lunch - and headed off to work.

When I got to the "turn off to the school here" turn - I considered stopping by to see DS for 20minutes.
After almost turning right, I continued onward.
Then I realised there were a lot of flags - all over on the side of the road.
" Yeh yeh, I know " - I thought to myself - knowing full well that ahead there were flaggers.
but then something caught my eye - there were A LOT of flags.
I wondered why so many flags / and then all of a sudden . . .
I slammed my brakes, I was confused as to why - when then it hit me.

Another four-way stop had manifested itself in the road.

it seems four-way stops are now breeding, as there exists one outside Jimmoi's living complex,
and now one just down the street from that.
soon four-way stops will be taking over THE WORLD.

and speaking of four-way stops, why is it nobody knows how to operate on them, god damnit?
in the event that two vehicles arrive at the stop at the same time, the one on the right has right-of-way
in the event that a vehicle, on the right, arrives before another vehicle, that vehicle has the right of way
basically it is " first come first serve, in the event of a tie - guy on right goes "
but who pays attention to that?

Too many times I've come to a four way stop, with someone across from me taking a left, and I come, full stop - wait for them to go, and then they flash me with their lights or wave my by. I just want to get out of my car and yell at them - they are obstructing traffic with their " lets not know anything about the law " bullshit.

anywho - little rant there.
I got to work and guess what I had to do?


oh - not that bad eh?


for eight hours I had to sift through some hundreds of yam boxes ( again transline fucks up the order! ) seperating " the good " from " the bad " / oh - wait, to make matters worse, the " medication " I took to make sure my bloody throat didnt start hurting like a mofo ... wore off after first break. great.

Then lunch came / along with the highlight of my day
eating lasagna.

( yes, thank you heather - I dont have to deal with re-heated mac-and-cheese, for the time being )

my day was seemingly nothing more than getting paid 80$+ to live 8 hours of hell.
but who am I to complain?
I had a really cool idea I wanted to share with Heather,
so instead of staying by at the plant to take a poo poo and pee /
I rushed off to go talk with her.

I got to her house to a note saying she wasnt home.
" Fuck " I thought to myself - I guess I might have not clocked out from work.
Because although the shit kept coming my way - I wasn't getting paid anymore.

I came home, and got online.
I waited for more of it to fly at me.
Wait - I checked my mail : and what do I get?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - not a damn thing.

Then I saw Calvin online.
I figured I'd ruin his day a little bit :

Caenum: sorry to dissapoint / but Im still dating the girl I was dating 2-3 years ago... oh ... -DAMN-
dilligadam: LOL....... good job she is nice,,,,
Caenum: she puts up with my shit.
dilligadam: she is a keeper..

What the hell was going on with today?
Even my attack on Calvin went and botched itself.
I'm considering taking a warm bath and just laying in it -
but then again I figure we're probably all out of hot water so I just wont even try.

then the static kicked in.

[ and I am deprived of first post! whaarrgh! ( goes to sleep hoping to escape hellish job-curse ) ]
no you should come to Vegas... I'm bored oh well shit happens Oh yeah HAPPY HALLOWEEN hahahahahahahaha such a day of bordom I wish i was stilla kid so I may go get candy, instead ill just steal it from little kids MWHAHAHAHAHA right maybe not Ill just do my CDC's instead, hmmm i think I'm gonna go play video games cause im pretty bored right now... Oh I wish I was an Oscar myer weiner Bye now heh hmmmmm I'm in a typing mood so I'm gone.

October 30, 2001

Some people see things that are, and ask Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.

Why is it that the same people who keep a gun at home for protection are almost always the same people who never wear their seatbelt when riding in a car?


The Seattle auto show is Wednesday through Sunday. That should be good....but SEMA is also this week....SEMA rocks, I wish I could A) Get to Vegas B) Have credentials to get in. But instead I'll just go to Seattle and be happy. Then wait til Kyle (Owner of Speedline, on South Tacoma Way) gets back from SEMA and has pictures and stories to tell.

You and me, Kaile. . .

I sure wish MyKalie would post something, because I love her oh-so-much!
with this new schedule, I have high probablity to get first post almost each and every day. Today I waited to post - so that when I said that / people would be thrown off with their timing in the unlikely event that someone wanted to thwart my activities of first-post-ness.

I should not, however, be awake at this time.
It seems Michael has successfully infected me with bronchitis.
or some other odd-end form of " my throat feels bad "
that son-ov-a-bitch.

And this is what I woke up to :

dilligadam: aint gotta women to keep you warm :PP

This comes from a man who still lives with his parents, and is ... what, thirty going on fourty something? He treats women much the same like mike does, but with much less respect towards them and himself. Wherein mike does not feign an interest other than that what he specificlly tells, my uncle is a fool and seems to enjoy playing with both his own mind and that of the women he finds bed with. The last one he actually married / My father gave it a certain time until he gave up on that one - low and behold, he is back up from the southern states where he resided with her, and back up here with my grandmother and no wife. He makes fun of me.

I dont see why.
I may not have a woman to keep me warm, at this very moment,
but at least I don't sleep with my mother.

haa. haa. haa.

I bought two things from half.com.
It is almost as good as ebay, but less " auctiony "
Pearl's Girl and Change the weather -
both are Underworld releases.

I cannot wait for them to show up.

work now consists of a very ... slow ... operation,
and I find myself on TRANSLINE - a terrible place compared to my lovely MARTIN - because it is so easy. Aaugh. With the MARTIN I actually had to work / with this all I have to do is sit back, relax, and stack boxes. I hope they put me back on my machine tomorrow. . . then again April is there - and luck would have it, I'd probably have to feed with her stupid ass.

I now have a headache, and this post is sub-par.

October 29, 2001

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHA just as im going to sleep i wanted to hear this again aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh good times good times....


We have too many fucking people named Andrew. [notice how I used two o's to signify quantity]
Ya well my cousin died of an overdose of ice, a more potent form of crack
and my name is andrew
I also forgot hindu, arab, and some other junk but bah they havent pissed me off so good day =)

the end... i WILL add to this if i forget someone elce :)
dude, i feel for ya adreeeeeeeww sorry for ya friend dying :( i had a friend die of alchol last summer, sorry :(

yep, watter in my lungs and i have the flue to top it all off, and sence MUD nore Jimmy want to make a ubar post I SHALL MAUHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHA

... pictures, hhhmm damn forgot html, well nm me lazy ill just rant and rave about how i hate eeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeerrrrryyyyyyyy sssssssiinnnnggggglleeeeeee one of you :)

Jimmy : ...
Andy: uuhh u bitch to much :)
Jesse: ... take to many pictures
ARRON: you piss off my brother which makes him want to work on the board making him NOT PLAY ME IN MULTY PLAYER GAMES!!!!!
Kanchi Kuri: ... uuhh your name is hard to pernounce.
bill mischief: YOU SPAM WAY TO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( post wise not ... well me :P )
Tarwyn: hhhmmm hard one, i actuly like u, hhhmm uuhh ... you.....hhhhhhmmmmmm---BINGO!!!!!!!--- YOUR A WOMEN!!! ( right ? )
Mike Rigney: uuuhhh you uh, um, uuuhhhh damn theis are geten hard, i like your poems sometimes, oh i know!! you wernt here on friday!!!!!!! BASTARD!!!!! and we go aaaaallllllll the way out there for NOFFEN * cries * im so...... insulted!!!
BRADBURRY: can u say ASSHOLE!!?!?!!?!?!!? but ur a good sniper, coverd Steven and I's ass :) still an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!
Zach-aka-emo: i never see you any more and your becoming one of those people i will miss when im older :(
Rachell: No one likes you, adn people say YOU LIE SO MUCH YOU COULD KILL A MULE!!!!!!!!!!! Why i should listen to you I DONT KNOW, but the seccond u fuck me over I WILL OPEN A CAN OF WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP ASS!!!!!!!!!!!! GOTCHA!?!??!!?
Andrew Davis: i dont know you but, uuhhh you know my brother and are on this board, THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMEHTING WRONG WITH U!!!
My little brother: .... hes retarderererererer then a fucking rock, better yet, hes more retarded then a little child born with no brain thown onto the pavment OVER AND OVER and then ran over my a truck, .... then minced into tiny pieces....
THE BOARD: because i cant find the emails so i can email EACH and everyone of you porn so your mother, father bother or sister will give you, THE TALK :) heeeeeeeeeeeee

hhhmmm who elce who elce, i feel as if im leaving someone out... aaahh yeeesss

Bonnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee: you.... you.... .... you hate andy, how can u hate andy!!??!?! HHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe: your fat
Joe2: you hate my brother, and your drunk
That guy in the letter: YOU SCREWED A FREGGEN SHEET YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!
Heather: .... i dont know where to start, but sence i will need you for future purpose.... you scare me
Mr R: you may not go paint ballen the 17th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jake: I wish to kill you..... why, because u must DIE!!!!!!!! DIE I SAY!!


HAH james i beat ya to the slandering part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $$ OWNED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oooooh yes, DO DRUGS BE HAPPY, DRINK AND DO DRUGS BE HAPPY JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY HOUSE AND DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! then go have sex with ur cat and then moan, take it outside and show your nabior how many orgasims ur cat can have!!!

oh wait, did i just do something someone said NOT to do???? hhmm whats this
1. Do not post malicious attacks towards other people.
2. Do not promote drug or alcohol use.
3. Administrators shall not abuse their powers.
4. Do not post slander about another race, ethnicity or sexual preference.
5. No excessive profanity.
6. No overtly sexually inappropriate content.

damn now if i were only a admin, then i could boot a few people change some sp3|_|_ing in peoples posts, or mysteriously add POOP and ANEL SEX in their posts, and spell almost EVERYTING RONG. welp my ranting and raving is over and i think i broke every one of SOMEONES rules, maby i should post this on the board...... but under a diff name..... muahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaha nnnnnnnaaaaaaaahhhhh people might think i have a kat... damn pussy arg, maby i should get me pussy, lots and lots of pussy then i could say " I HAVE PUSSY RUNNEN AROUND IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PHAT LEWTZ!!!!!! ROCK!!!!!! " or somewhere around there, me got to go, theis pills i took a few hours ago are maken me woooozy and tired me go to sleep, nigty.

this post will not be tamperd with or i shal seu you!!!!!!!!

okay so I wrote this while I was in portland this weekend. Please keep in mind that it is merely symbolic and is not about a literall action, but rather about some unnammed part of my lifestyle and how I feel about it................................

Self destructive pleasure.....
The bitter tears in it
I held onto the dull pain feeling,
into the bitter end of it ,
I hold onto that big dull blade.
So slowly slipping, it is cutting me.
I slowly slipping, being cutting me.
I can not feel the pain,
but I can see the damage.
What im doing to myself.
What im feeling in my body ending.
My mind is slipping, I am cutting me,
and I can see the damage,
but I can not feel the pain.
Damage of that big dull blade,
damage of it slipping.
All those bitter tears I shed
and that dull pain feeling is the same.
As I mitigate my mind, and as it slipping.
I can not feel the pain,
as I slowly being cutting me,
but I still can see the damage.

yeah, so I bought eighty seven cents of gas.

at least I didnt run out of gasoline while driving, thinking my car broke.
oh --- wait.
My friend died at 2:35am on october 28 of a brain hemorage.

you all have a great day


Tarwyn---host family? are you a parasite?

oh holy shit I woke up early! damn this body and it's natural alarm. So I go back to listening to stuff like gODHEAD, Apocolyptica, Dark Well....yeah, so what if I'm on a goth rock fest. My friend Spooky is to blame!!!!! KILL HIM NOT ME! All I know is that Apocolyptica owns you, with their heavy metal String Quartet.

- Jesse
Fight morning breath with a nice glass of liquid soap
I move this Thursday to my other host family. I will stay with them for the next nine months... oh happy day!

My chicabee sent this to me a while back... I like it. :) *LOL*

365 days of sex

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> >> > 54 times the sheets were clean
> >> > 7 times it was too late
> >> > 49 times you were too tired
> >> > 20 times it was too hot
> >> > 15 times you pretended to be asleep
> >> > 22 times you had a headache
> >> > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> >> > 16 times you said you were too sore
> >> > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> >> > 19 times you had to get up early
> >> > 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> >> > 7 times you were sunburned
> >> > 6 times you were watching the late show
> >> > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
> >> > 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> >> > 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed,the activity was not satisfactory because:

> >> > 6 times you just laid there
> >> > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceilin
> >> > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> >> > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> >> > 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

> >> > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> >> > 36 times you did not come home at all
> >> > 21 times you didn't cum
> >> > 33 times you came too soon
> >> > 19 times you went soft before you got in
> >> > 38 times you worked too late
> >> > 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> >> > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> >> > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE BALLS
> >> > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> >> > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> >> > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> >> > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> >> > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> >> > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball,playing video games etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


October 28, 2001

My Kalie!!!

You are finally here!!! I am soooo such a happy kitten!

I sat in that empty bath-tub, after the cd had ended, for what seemed five minutes. It was where I use to spend most of my time, after draining the water and watching it slowly pull itself down - I'd lay transfixed onto the drain. Sometimes I use to spit close to it, and watch that slowly make itself down the drain. It was a good feeling, watching things slip away from me into darkness. I use to sit there for a long while watching things go down the drain.

When I first met Rachael, I sat there and, instead of spitting, I use to throw up. I don't know why. There wasn't any reason to, I was rather healthy at the time. I dont exactly know if it was self induced, the vomiting - but none-the-less I use to watch that slowly make it's way down the drain as well. Of course I had to turn on the water and help it on it's way, sometimes.

But today I didnt look at the drain. I just lay there. For what seemed for five minutes. " Goodbye, Cruel world. I'm leaving you today. Good-bye, Good-bye, Good-bye " - the CD spouted out. I laughed to myself. " Good-bye all you people, there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind, Good-bye " - and with that, I was left with silence. This is normally where they kicked in.

But nobody was home. My parents never stopped by to tell me how bad I was. I couldnt distinguish the difference between what was good, or what was bad, anymore. I didn't feel sick. I lay there, my back wet and everything else drying. I had turned on the fan. I cannot take baths without the fan on, I don't know why. It helps me dry faster when I lay there I guess. The faster I get cold, the faster I am compelled to get out of the empty thing.

It seemed like five minutes. And I was laying there, in silence. I said " Everything is ok, isnt it " to myself. My voice sounded odd. I didnt know if I was questioning myself, or making a statement. Or maybe a bit of both. Did I feel well? Or maybe even happy / was this happiness? Where was the internal backlash that always occured with 'good things' - where was my dampeners to make sure I never fell too far into ...

" Everything is ok, isnt it " - but this time it was inside my head.

Again, not knowing if it was a question or a statement. Looking for answers or stating a fact. My internal representations of mother and father where nowhere to be found. My chants weren't flooding in, and everything did seem " ok ".

I waited.

I waited for it to change.

I waited for what seemed five minutes, in that empty bath-tub.
with silence at my side, waiting for the backlash.
waiting for the sickness to come washing down over me,
start from my feet and play around with my gut,
only to jump onto my chest, and then land in my head.

but it never came.

I lay there for what seemed to me to be five minutes.
I got up, dry - and put my pants on.
I walked into here, my room, and glanced at the time.

surely something, somewhere, must be wrong,

as how could one mistake two hours for five minutes?
Man...I haven't posted in a long time....yippy....
Anyway, I was introduced to Neil Gaiman last night at a party I went to. This party involved lost of addictive drugs and dangerous, cancer causing liquid refreshments and explicit sexual behavior. Sounds very unlike me doesn't it? YEAH RIGHT! I always goto these things. Our drug was a very expensive material that you can usually pick up anywhere, it allows us all to explore strange new creative worlds, and it can go by many different names, such as Trigun, FLCL, Angelic Layer and many others...such a weird drug that is. We drank the greatest softdrink that says "Use of this product may be hazardous to your health. This product contains SACCHARIN which has been determined to cause cancer in laboritory animals." on the side, this softdrink is called TAB! Gotta love TAB. As for sexual behavior...that was made up...Anime parties usually don't have much of that going on.

I'm off to go do something.

- Jesse
Have you ever seen a friend dieing before your eyes? I was at UMC hospital and saw my friend, life support and all, what a bloody mess. An account of why being drunk and driving are not a good mix. You get to walk in and see what a mess they're in, no response a bloody FUCKING MESS. you talk and they just lay there nothing in return. Not even a movement not a fucking thing. I can't even fathom what its like to just be laying there no control what so ever of your actions so unbelievable what its like wondering if he's gonna make it beside facts stating otherwise. The doctors even basicly gave up, what if he can here the doc's saying well all we can do is wait and see what his father says... whether or not to pull the plug on him, Just end his life right there. what a responsibility that would be, having the decision to end some ones life when 4 days from now he will be 21 years old. I'm lost for words now i'll be going, you know it only takes that one time and your life is gone I hope none of you ever get to the one time.

October 27, 2001

you know what?
white people are crazy.
I'm half german half filipino and I've come to that decision.
They just are.

End of high school: Virgin, doesn't do bad things
2nd year of college: having 5 ways with her bf and others and doing e 3 x a week

words from a " soon - to - be " slug I've known for ... what,
four or five years?
Ok, um, James........YOU FUCKED UP
You're using the wrong slash in all the links on the main page.......
the back slash (\) is used only in windows (dos) for local files.......
the forward slash (/) is used for network addresses, such as websites.......

"Eat my ass"

John Paul told me to say that at last night's little keg-infused party.
I've never drank two gallons of beer before....
and I didn't even puke.
but I fell over a lot.
fun fun fun.
it kind of makes you wonder,
what ever happened to " the mega post "

Fei fi fo fum where is the breast of an english nun,
be she alive or be she dead, ill chase her down until were wed
and if she have not a shrub, ill smash her with a club

October 26, 2001

Guess who is dating casey tuttle?


oh man.
I got to stay home today. I'm to sick to go to school. Oh yeah! I don't have school at all next week. No one in Sweden goes to school next week. hehehe... got to love the joy here. We all get that week off because of Holloween. I won't get to go trick or treating though this year, that's a downer. But I will go to one or two parties with some of my friends. yippy skippy! well I think it's time I go and take two more of those pills.... I'm starting to think coherently (SP?) and that can't be a good thing. It says your only supposed to take one, but then again I usually take double doses of most things. They are some sort of pain killer/ get rid of the kind of sickness I have. I do believe that these would be perscription drugs back home, or not legal... but I'm not really all that sure. I need to sleep... that is one things they really do do that I know of, make you sleepy. i will probably come back and read this later and wonder what I was doing one the computer or how it is I managed to type... LOL... I can't feel my hands, or any other part of me really... i sorrt of have that feeling when your foot falls asleep... somewhat tingley? eepith... anyway, all of me feels like that. hehehehehe... me go back to ngiht night now. I think most of you are probably asleep now. I wonder if people communicate at all with their dreams to other people? LMAO.... I seem to be easily amused, i must ask mamma what is in these things... she is a kind of nurse lady. Night night :)

ohh yeah, one more thing...


October 25, 2001

Wow what a positive sight that im treated to when im checking up on the board, DrJekyll thats quite some fiery stuff youve got there. Me thinks you need a couple does of vicadin, taken intavenously.
to quote Hunter S. "Take some reds, shoot some smack, smoke some grass do whatever you gotta do JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!"
Hmm im happy i guess now this weekend ill finally be able to finish my submission piece for jesse so i can possibly join VOX studios!!!
James your an idiot. and a moron. did i mention the word dumbass?
meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow....
I want chicken I want liver
meow mix meow mix please deliver,
I want turkey I want meat,
meow mix meow mix cant be beat...
Writing this morning.......................... Okay I made two posts today. A first and a second. The second was a poem, the first some literal thinking.
After I was finished with the literal thinking portion I had an emotional breakdown. My feelings of uncertainty,pain,alienation,despair,..etc became so intense that I was unable to think, walk, or control my own body in any way. I was curled up in a tight ball on my bed, lying in the the fetal position with my head in my hands, crying. I was emotionally overwhelmed. Returning to a state of control was a slow process. First I began to be able to think, and then I went into a process of translating my experience into thoughts. Being that I am stuck thinking in words, those thoughts revealed themselves in a structure which consists of words, however, the structure was certainly not that which one would normally use to describe something, thus was born that poem. The creative process of "self expression" relieved a great deal of my emotional burdon, enough for me to write the poem, post it and return to a state of normal self control. I do write a lot... and this is always the way in which I end up writing. Not always with tears and crippling despair, but sometimes with joy, anger,pity, hatred, apathy,... etc. But you see I do not write because I like to write or because I want to be a "poet". I write because I have to write these things that force themselves into my "soul" or whatever it might be... Honestly I think I am crazy and that I need a psychological evalution. I have a very slight grip on reality and everyday I let go a little more. I would bet that I am manic depressive, I do suffer from severe and often almost suicidal depression regularly. I also go through periods of entense joy at mearly existing... The worst part of all of this is that I think that if I am insane, or just in the process of going insane, that I have driven myself there through my own thought.... I am lost in questions... not metaphorically, literally.. The questions that overwhelm me do so in a literall sense, as in disconnecting me from reality while I ponder them and then returning me to a "new" reality, a reality in which the answer I have arrived at is true. The nature of many of these questions means that the inswers can often cause a very powerful emotional impact on me... ... I don't know, just FYI ......Mike
Every slug leaves behind some slime. . .

this is to get the indexer ( for the search engine ) to work.
I think I'm currently loosing my mind. It comes and goes, but it....??? I can't make sense out of half the things I keep thinking about.. It's like there is this big black wall in the way and I can't get around it, climb it, or ever go through it... and then it suddenly disapears. I want to be home right now. I think sometime in the next month or so I am going to reach what all my host club calls the 'Holly SHIT what the fuck have I done!' stage. That should be interesting. I hate being sick and tired.... but I'm hyper, confused, frustrated, happy, and depressed at the same time. GOD I LOVE LIFE. *lol* I can't seem to be sane at all anymore... what is it I am loosing with this that I am learning? I can't waite to find out. There seems to be few courses of action left concerning the chioces I have already discared along my chosen path... and yet there is the possibility of stepping off the path and into the foriegn for me. But I am afraid to. All my life I have been taught to be just 'so' and behave... I haven't to a degree, but in s sense that is what has helped make up me. What can I do.... that question keeps repeating in this song. I have a desire to learn all of those things, but I have an aknowleged fear of it all. It hurts me to hurt them... for I must to get where I am set to go, or however I go. If I make it all up and then learn to live by that, I am purely a lie. I am nothing but a thing holding on in a wind/cycle/life/time. I've let go with one hand of the thing that keeps me still in my life, and yet no matter how hard I try to take a step forward, I am restricted to that one step. To take another I must completely let go, and when I have, I suddenly find myself lost, and running back to that thing which holds me safe, grasping desperetly for fear of it. Then I calm, slowly inch away again... but in the end I always end up back there... crying tears and holding on for my life.

I'm to confused to think, yet think I do. It's splitting my mind in two. I seek to place the blame on someone else, yet there is no blame for me to place. It is merely how it is. Why I wonder, as I always wonder, am I so lost?! My immediate programmed respose... SHIT HAPPENS! :P

Damn you all, and damn me... that's all I see it can be.
or, if you're from Boswania :

mucho grande.
egg salad.
Such is life is life when you let go
and this is life when I relenquish my control
drifting on the chances of what be bring came or coming being drifting
and I realse myself to what may be but not what ought
I left my dreams behind .. and that I let them go too forever
hurting like a child and innocent just don't know why
world this way THIS WORLD THIS WAY .. and people say dunno
and live this way and travel alone instead of on the bus together
TRUST ME STRANGER ! I am but a child who let go forever relenquishing control
and know I die tomorrow or some day be gone forever ... letting and releasing all myself
and world I do not understand behind me still will hurting be ...
and people I don't know with strangers faces that I recognise expressions
how much stranger is a stranger who I can see the feelings of inside of when those close to me can hide them ?
God how much it hurt when she died ...
and how much born anew this person was ..
born into a chaos of feeling being
born into a sad world and a sad way of living ...
born without fear into being
and looking out without looking back
and without strangeness on my mind plunging into it
and seeing all this here.............
I AM CONFUSION that lingers on me slowely decaying me
I Self destructing me am hurting myself seeng bleeding me without knowing why .........
STILL WITHOUT KNOWING WHY a stranger hurts me with a smile .............
ARRRRRRHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.. Why do I smile... why does my empathy work ?...
how can I feel all of this pain constantly in the world every single day ...
and why can't you ???>>>>>>>>
I see a child on the face of every stranger..
a sad lonely tired child who is crying because they do not understand...
and I am this much tooo...
tears without boundary for something I don't understand...
for the sadness of the world and for the sadness of a stranger..WHY?
Do you ever get those moods where you think to yourself ?? "I ought to restrain myself right now because I can tell the I am feeling a little out of touch with normal reality, and I know that I am capable of doing something that I will later regret and call crazy..."
Or into one of those moods where you think to yourself "Okay Damn't what the hell was I thinking, clearly I can jut trust my own judgement to make decisions right now, the last few things I have done were just ridiculouse, and here I am again off on these flights of fancy, daydreaming about impossible perfections as though they were possible....." Just getting so confused about everything somtimes and hardly being able to deal with life when even though you know what is real you don't know how real are your thoughts about it ................. ANd maybe I am driving myself crazy with emotions and questions and numbers and theories and and anda poems and... where is all the normal stuff in my life ?.. Like jobs and taxes and paperwork and friends that I don't creep out .... I NEEED drugs.. UGH
Ever been in one of those moods where you just have to think.."Wow the world is beautiful and here I am in it. This just all so wonderful, all this "is" stuff...."
or even " My life is hell, this world is hell.. constant self destruction, tears, pain, sadness, without love.. always being asked to do things I am not able to deal with.. I am in hell and I hate it ..... where is the door ?".."WHY CAN'T I DEAL WITH RESPONSIBLITY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE".. and sometimes I think that you are a clown put into the world to amuse everyone else..... UGH ..HELL HEAVEN HELL HEAVEN I CAN NOT DECIDE.. And sometimes I wonder seriously if I am delusional.. I have spent a lot of my life wondering exactly the reality of being "Mike" as compaired to my own internal delusional fantastic daydreams... I honestly believe that I am capable of anything, in possession of many talents, etc at different times of day............ right now is one of those skeptical times where I simply think I am less than average in every way " a complete bafoon" filled with hot air and waisted space, who makes itself a joke to the world by being seriouse about itself.. and that is just something I have to deal with now and again ....... Honestly I think this now and again ...... I wonder why people can't be nice to eachother just because they fundamentally are all human and are all therefore thinking emotional beings in a state of conciouse self awareness. All deserving of acceptance and understanding... People FIGHT over ideas about what is right, when I doubt the even understand that they are nothing but innocent children who are lashing out because of bad emotions built up over a lifetime of neglect and being fenced off from other people...... WHere is all the compassion in the world today ??.. and I don't mean an abstract world, I mean this one right here.. the one I wake up in every morning .. the one I talk to everyone in... WHere is the empathy ???... Why can't you smile and be humble and respectful and turn the other cheek to a child throwing a tantrum .... why not be patient and accepting ???.... I know that it would be great you know.... when I look at all the people in the world, all I can see are the tears and the hurting that they give to eachother every day "and my own"... Maybe I am crazy ... I am really starting to worry about it.... such is life is life when letting go of life forever and accepting I'm already dead some day .etc......................................... FIN Mike .... I cry over thoughts because human beings are nothing to eachother but big mean apes who have innocent children silenced gaged and buried in their souls ......................
I have it now.
I have an "idea" for the board.
now "layout" and "programming" will need to be addressed.
all in good time.



Back in March, I hurt myself at work. It sucked- especially on nights like this. I can't sleep- my back hurts too much. I hate that. a lot.

So, I decided to take a bath. I drew the water and added my wonderful bath salts and bubbles while I went off to get my book and a drink. I don't think you can really take a good bubble bath without also having a good drink- the two go hand in hand. I had orange juice, which would usually content me to the fullest- but not when I hurt like this. So, I took what was left of my dear friend Jose with me- which wasn't much. Perhaps there is some stock in other people's opinions. So, yeah. In the absence of anything appetizing, I also got a small plate of wheat crackers. Yum, really, as Bonnie sings 'Nobody cares, nobody cares, nobodycaresnobodycaresnobodycares'. and that became that.

I went to settle in my water, but didn't get very far at all. You know how people say that something burns so badly they can't feel it anymore? I wish that had happened, because I got one foot in before withdrawing in agony- I forget, my father likes to raise the water tempature at times. It was great. Really. . . so I drained about 1/4 of it and re-ran very cold water.

Now, I'm not one for mixed drinks at all. I hate them-why have a screwdriver and cover up the taste of vodka, my favourite? My brother drinks scotch and soda, and laughs at my neat. It happens- but I ramble, as Jeff reprimands me for using this as simply a 'message board'. However, Mr. Cuervo was on his very last leg, so I figured, 'Hell, why not?' and then I thought- "My god- how does Andy keep a job?!?"- no offense, only that I hate mixed drinks. and tequila-orange juice appears to be no exception. So, yeah. That was a waste.

No longer scortching, my bath wonderfully welcomed me. It was great- I pinned my hair up and read, losing interest in crackers but enjoying my plain little glass of orange juice. and I tured page after page of my book, reading, but not absorbing anything. I hate that. a lot. So I relaxed and thought about a trip I took recently, as Napster refers to my post as fertilizer. Baking bread and driving-my deterants to thought-are not available in this setting.

We were driving back from Seattle.
It was nearing 2 am.
He rambled on about a conquest, though I am unsure of the name.
or was she one from the past?
I don't know, or care, really.
We pass a highway marker.
Portland's nearly 200 miles away.
and he rambles on and on about a girl he just met.
and he rambles on and on about conquests he's won.
What are you thinking?
My thoughts interrupted- Why do you ask?
You aren't talking. I thought you were thinking.
I laugh, try to think of something witty to say.
[of you, of course; crosses my mind]
I imagine him a pleading child.
I laugh again- I can't tell you.
Why's that?
I imagine he imagines me playful.
I sigh- You might think I'm trying to fuck you again.
He knows I've never wanted him.
He begs me not to go where we've already been.
not to pour salt into that still-open wound.
and I obey.
We ride in silence, my thoughts still kept safely to myself.
We pass a highway marker.
Portland's nearly 25 miles closer.
and I sit.
and I think of a man nearly a quarter century my senior.
and I pray that I am not found out.

I'm not half the poet of my passenger-

October 24, 2001

My goodness- I just read something so funny that I had to post it. It was in a short story, 'Screaming Julians'. . .

Men are like pornography. They're amusing, but you still get off on them.

Just wanted to stop by and say hello. I am working on a horrifically boring paper. The thesis is pertaining to the three books I was assigned to read in the last three weeks for my class on urban history, "Why don't the authors have very much to say about the role of African Americans in the founding of New Orleans, San Francisco and New York City?" The answer in a nutshell is I don't know. I just have to spread that out over seven pages.

I hope you are all well.
We seem to be in [yet another] slump.

I'm with Jimmi, in that it's getting close to time for me to just give up and leave.

Maybe something will prevent this, but the way we're going, I'm not going to bother anymore.
nobody is posting...I'm almost afraid to. It's like a ghost town in here... if slugs were a town, bramble bushes would be rolling through it. Where is everyone? Anyway, it's raining and I'm supposed to go to a jr. high football game tonight to help sale candy with my mom because she works at Spanaway Jr. high. I'm really looking forward to it...
It kind of makes me sad to look at the board because it's so empty. I'm not a big fan of change. Anyway, I'm going to go get dressed in some warm cothes. This post was utterly pointless and boring.
no more.... I ... do... NOT... want to... anymore.
hey kiss me i kiss you
kiss me i kiss you i know about you
i talk about you
i've been waiting for you in the/
everybody wants to know you
wrapped up in moon river
then beyond the blinds and the new white sliding into the city
tunnel beneath the feet of the people in the city
roamin' roamin' roamin' in the city
crossway boy crossway boy
downtown waterfront boy
in the shadows of the/
she's on the phone again/she's on the phone again
she's calling from America/she's calling from america
she's surfin'/she's moshing
and the girls are diving and the girls are up to something
animal boything
up on the roof again boything
to be down there there's every kind of act make it down to the Delaware an up in your head
moaner moaner moaner moaner
rudy get the get the get the get the night
the city loves you
city loves a boyfriend
long walks with a boyfriend
city loves a boyfriend
friends walking with the boyfriend and the nights with the boyfriend
and the city loves you loves you loves you loves everyone
everyone is smiling the smiling is pushing it around
pushing it around like the shadows of evolution in the dark
super boys
where time is all and where time is everything where time is started time to earth
earth wind and fire and the sun in your hair
black metal walls are falling
i'm the hunger
i'm metal
i'm stainless
i'm milk in your plastic
i'm left alone in a full moon with the only thing i can do is lie awake
on the floor at night the doors are/
i can't awake i can't awake
ah ah ah ah
the water into you
to me
constantly constantly
without without without without a
gain without again your telephone number
through a glass of water
the door between is opened
the silence is different l
ove love love
love walks with the boyfriend the city loves the boyfriend
friends walking
friends walking with the boyfriend
the city loves the boyfriend everybody loves the boyfriend
you left me alone
you left me alone
with a full moon
full moon
full moon
full moon
full moon
boys down on the waterfront


and you'd think i'd be spending this to sleep? yes-anywho i should. but instead-i would like to make this comment: i will not be leaving the bored, er-board...yet. i plan too-but not anytime soon...i dont know. i would like to see what happens with this domaine thing first. yea. anyway-meeza gonna sleepa.

October 23, 2001

Please take note that I am not " back " - as my posts will be primarily for administrative and maintenance purposes only. I got to thinking / and ( sorry to dissapoint you Aaron ) I think I'm going to have to call off the weekend " DEV TEAM " fest. After associating with so many people today, be it at school and around mike and jimmoi /

I've found my ... ability to ... not think ... of things ... and want to talk about them ... is minimal. So maybe sometime further down the line we'll do that whole idea.

Second, the two suggestions I've gotten so far have been taken into consideration - the first one ... Andy's, should be fixed even as you read this. The second, Napster's about a "self written paragraph" was originally the idea the first time I tried to make slug bios, but no real place to put them. Worry not, the exact "schematic" of the slug bios has no real form anyway. So anything that will be on them is still "up in the air" and readily open for suggestions. I would still appreciate "questions" any of you would like to see answered.

I watch dune, go sleep now.

October 22, 2001


James, I am definitely coming over this weekend, complete with some knowledge of .php hopefully, I've been doing my reading, and software via Jesse... Although I do have my math take home test, which took me twenty one hours last year, but frankly fuck that.
Shit and Shinola
Welcome back, mein typenstein.
Hmm....as to the new page.....me likes....

"and it's Alabama left and Alabama right......"


We're all fucked. It helps if you remember that.

I baked bread today. I think everyone should do that. It has to be good for the soul or something. Baking and driving, my two biggest stress relievers. Yep. And, then, your family thinks you love them because you baked them bread. Yes. That's the way things work. . .bake bread, everyone loves you.
I just have to say that, I think this is more enjoyable than a long rant about insignificant annoyances in my day to day life, esp when those things don't matter much anyway...why not just think about something nice, just because it's there ?

Forever where the sun is setting.
After all the day is done.
laying in an open meadow,surrounded all by evergreens.
A gentle breeze is blowing.
Everything alive is moving, and the sun is setting.

As the tree and grasses roll together in the gentle breeze.
And as the clouds are streaming.
Sun is setting, Music playing, all my life a dream forgetting.
Drifting in this moment.
I am letting peace be of me dreaming and forgetting.

When I am innocent inside, smiling at the beauty of it all.
Sunset casting colors.
Brilliant reds and orange, purple, blue eminating from infinity.
Forever where the sun is setting
In the distance when all of the day is done.

When a gentle breeze is blowing in the meadow.
The clouds and tree and grasses moving are all dancing.
And when Mozart playing, sun is setting, life becoming dream forgetting.
Being in this moment with her all does come together.
Like an artist is composing being in forever,
where the sun is setting,
in the meadow,
dreaming and forgetting.
Many things.

1 - please, in the comments section, leave any "suggestions" or "ideas" for the new format of the board.

2 - bradbury, please get ahold of me - and do you ( or anyone else for that matter ) know .php programming?
I am attempting to learn it myself - and will appreciate any assistance possible.

3 - software is needed. be it image or graphic or website making or good "scripts" for java or hosted things - you name it - not only do i mean software, but please comment with anything you'd like to "see" on the board. Sorry - no "moving words when you move the cursor" however - i find that terribly annoying. And if you suggest midi - I WILL kill you.

4 - I hope you all enjoyed the "uproar" that was started. I dont know if it is safe for me to post ... being that ... but I can maintain my blocks for the moment. In any event.

5 - please, in the comments section again, drop a " bunch of questions " which you believe should be on each slug's biography, answered by that slug. My personal question that I have come up with that I would definately enjoy seeing answered by us all is : " Name four 'favorite posts' of the past " --- these questions ( much like the ones long ago ) will be good stuff. Not all will be used, only the best.

6 - notice how I'm saying please? It is because I need your ( all of your ) assistance in this. We will make the one-year anniversary truely something to be seen! If you'll notice, you cant access the archives - that will be fixed, and it will be weekly. In fact - if I've done things correctly, try clicking HERE - and that should take you to a weekly assessment of the history files.

7 - Be carefull with yourselves slugs. Dont take the board so seriously. Me and Jeff have long agreed that " administrative priviliages " are chalked up basically to nothing much of anything but a name. Rarely does anyone "edit" a post - because most errors add "individual flavour" to their posts. What would jimmoi's posts be if he could actually spell WRONGE and not add an " e " to everything? Mind you - I do have some ... qualms with Ra-2u93801's posts... eh. Dont get so easily rowled, jeez ;)

ok - shit, it's like almost 1pm - i need to go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure no one reads my posts, or gives a damn, but oh well. This is how my weekend went...

I got back, just a half hour ago. I had a great weekend. :) I met these two Finish guys at the hostel I was staying at. (yes hostel, not hotel) They spoke english very well. They were in Gothemburg doing construction work for about two weeks or so. They get the weekends off.heehehee... they were both very handsome, blond blue/green eyed and were somewhat muscle bound. Not to the point where it's like 'eeewwyyy!' but so that they were very sexual you might say in that way. They spoke Finish sometimes, and I think it is a very beautiful language. Better than english and swedish. I found out quite sometime ago that the finish language is totally unique among the languages of the world. None other is quite like ot or even simular and they are constantly getting new words in the language. I'm happy I'm learning swedish and not the finish though, it's REALLY complicated. *smiles* Anyway, back to the boys, There names were Ostin and Pete. Ostin is 21, and he is two centimeters taller than me, but I still like him. Pete is 22 and is well over 6 feet tall... and about 93 kilos, I'm 55 kilos. Anyway, they are both very polite, nice, love music, they were just jolly fun to be around. I went to a lot of shops in Gothemburg, though I didn't really get much cause I was almost broke. LOL... I went to the inlet area, Gothemburg is by the sea, and saw a pretty ship. There were thousands of people on the streets Saturday, and I stayed with my host sister Anna Korin so I wouldn't get lost. :)

On Sunday, I didn't want to go to the museum with my host parents, so I walked for about 35 minutes strait to get back to the hostel and I didn't get lost! hehe... :) I hung out with Ostin who was there agian, he and Pete had gone out eirlier to go do something, but Ostin had a fever and so he came back. Pete went swimming and to the gym. Anyway, we chitchatted, watched MTV over here... a LOT LESS COMMERCIALS over here. LOL... after he went to go off and sleep in their room, I shortly thereafter went to mine and found myself taking a nap as well. I woke up about an hour later at 2:30pm. Anna Korin said we were going to leave for this restuarant dinner at 3. So off we went on the tram, picked up my host brother who lives in Gothemburg, and went to dinner. Twas aa very nice Restaurant about 10 mintues walk from Johan's flat. So we had our dinner, then dropped Johan off, then back to the Hostel. heheehee... Watched more tv this weekend then I really have in the past 2 weeks. I also finished 2 books and am almost done with a third. I like them, they are novels... 'To Kill a Mockingbird', 'A Kiss Before Dying' (that's about a serial killer), and my current 'Of Human Bondage' (no, that is not a romance/sexual book). :P

That evening the Finish guys and I were the last ones up, they're friend (another construction worker) finally got back from his weekend back in Finland with his girlfriend. Though I still don't know his name, and only saw him twice, he pretty much hid in their room after he got back, don't blame him, they go to work at 7 am the next morning. Anywho, the three of us, Pete, Ostin, and I, brushed our teeth together. That was fun in an odd way... we acted like we were rapid dogs for a while, n' made fun of the way eachother was talking. I helped Pete get the hair wax our of his hair. Then they went to bed. It was about 10:30 at this time. I went in my room, grabbed my book, and went back out into the living room area and read for a few hours. I finally went to bed and fell asleep around 2 am. I woke up at 5:23am, went back into the living room with my book and blanket wrapped around me, and continued to read. The boys got up about 6:30 and left in a little while. They thought I had stayed up the whole night reading, and I said no, I just didn't sleep that long. Pete mussed up my hair as he gotten into the habit of doing sometimes, and they left for work. Last I ever say of them. At 8 am I went back to bed and napped for ½ a hour. At nine, Mamma was knocking on my door saying we were leaving shortly and that I should come and eat. I took my time getting ready, then went and ate my breakfast. Nummy! I went back, mopped my room, had all my stuff packed, and so we left. I left a message for the boys at the desk (37).

As we were driving down the road, about 7 minutes after we'd left the hostel, the care broke down. Now this was funny. We pushed it into a nearby parking lot and couldn't get it started and didn't have a clue as to what was wrong. Pappa called a tow truck kind of thing, and I think we were there about an hour. After that, the driver got there, loaded the car onto the bed of his truck, we got back into the car, and off we went. It was neet being so high up above the rest of the cars. When he dropped us off at the garage, we got inside, grabbed a number and waited. I read, they sat around. I'm happy that I brought all those books with me! hehe... I dank 5 hot chocolate milks and a Coke while we were there. When we left a few hours later I found out it was some sort of pump in the car that had died. Not surprising considering their care looks like a piece of shit. Well... it runs so that's the main thing I guess. Off we were again and then we stopped at Mamma's sisters for about a half hour. By the time we left it was 3 in the afternoon. We got home around 6:30. And in the last part of my day I have been typing this, took a break for a homemade lasanna dinner, ate some ice and chocolate chip cookies my mom sent from home... an that's been my past 3 days. Maybe not interesting for some, but a great memory for me. so yippity do da day! hehe... :)

And now, for those who care...this is what i have to say:


I have taken off sometime to consider some issues at hand...

(actually, that's not true...i've just been crazy-ass busy with collegey type stuff...reading, writing, arithmetic...)

but since i am awake, and can't concentrate on writing a simple two page paper...i will fake enthusiam, and fake interest, and write about what has been going on and polluting this board.

The issue of james and his standing.

Okay, this was supposed to be a simple poll about everyone's personal stance on james' return to blogger and his administrative status...

i take that back...it wasn't a debate on his return...that was guaranteed by me. I was going to let him back on...he said so himself that he was returning. I don't know where this talk about him not coming back came from...and i really don't care.

Also...what was supposed to be simple obviously has not been so. That should further teach me that simplicity is a hard thing to come by...or "its not simple to be simple"

(if you make statements in that form, 2 out of 3 orthodontists say that children remember what you've said longer :)

anyway...now there are comments being slung back and forth, and issues of backstabbing...

this is very aggravating.

(perhaps this is why for the longest time there wasn't democracy in many countries...it becomes very tiring for those who have to actually carry out the wishes and wills of others...)

I need to get a couple of things straight so they can be left to die in place...

  1. On the issue of administration...
    There is a good reason why everyone isn't an administrator...actually, there are probably several good reasons...but mostly...it should be painfully obvious why from reading this past weeks posts...there are too many different conflicting points of view, and too many conflicting interests that nothing would get done, and it is a slight possibility that someone might actually change another person's blog. I want that avoided at all costs.

    That's partly why i chose bradbury. He's damn good with computers and such...plus, i trust him. He had no vest opinion on this to the point where he'd change other posts or arbitrarily kick people off the board. And he keeps me in check...cause you know me...i'm a crazy rebel who's bound to erupt at any moment.

  2. On the issue of "administrator" james...
    This is still partly up in the air. Many people seem disgruntled with the idea of him just arbitrarily coming back and taking up his old reigns...i'm not totally sure why...but there are those that feel that way nonetheless.

    I haven't made a decision on this yet, and i'm not sure how bradbury feels completely, as i've been away...

    Both sides can probably be argued...it is true he created slugs, and some of you have made that point...
    but at the same time, slugs has come to have a life of its own, seperate from its original creator...it thrives on the conflict and blogs that EVERYONE posts, and some of you have made that point as well.

    much to be considered...and more than likely will be considered when james decides to make his return.

  3. On the issue of boxers or briefs...
    Personally, i like the comfort of boxers...

    but then again, there is a security that comes along with briefs...
    perhaps this is all freudian...

    any thoughts...

With all that said, i think i need some sleep.

I hope that this all can be left to settle.

Steve has made good points...and i think its something to consider.

This is NOT a message board...we do not all necessarily need to know whose meeting who at wherever at what time...

(unless its like a group paintball thing...and then again, that tends to get rather annoying as well...

at the same time, i am reluctant to say that you can NOT post about such trivial matters if you find such trivial matters pleasing...

that's what the telephone was invented for...
or cell phones if you pass the yuppie-test.

but then again, if you do, then there may be some unresolved issues you need to work through.)

This is a BLOGspot...That's what is was created as...

and whether or not you wish for james to be back and as an administrator...we can at least treat it the way it was intended to be...

For the Boswanians28

October 21, 2001

well i now know that communal things are just weird
I was at the Y doing my workout again....and i had to go to the bathroom, and it was all the way in the locker room. So i came around the corner and almost walked all the way into the showers. I looked up and there stood before me a sight i hope i never have to see again. Several OLD naked men bathing, turn to the left OLD MAN PENIS, turn to the right OLD MAN PENIS, look straight ahead and who should i see but...OLD MAN PENIS. It shook me up, i walked into the bathroom stalls to relieve myself and all the while i held back the urge to vomit. It repulsed me cause well it was was it was, and also cause i realized that when i hit middle age thats what id be. Not showering in a public place mind you, but yeeessh........im glad i had antacids at home
I have as much authority as the pope.
I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Couple of slow days. Yawn.

So I'm trying to figure out what I should go to this halloween party as.
I was thinking I should go as a minister....but the clothes are too expensive....so now I'm back at square one.....
Possibly something involving paintball gear?
Still not sure.

More yawns.

Why is it that all the interesting hobbies require so much damn money? Or is it just the hobbies that I'm interested in?

Just think, as you're reading this, some guy somewhere is getting ready to hang himself right now.

We're all fucked. It helps if you remember that.

HAHAHA FIrst post is mine

October 20, 2001

Ugh.. slugs: to whom it may concern... okay I can admit that this board is a social institution, however, I disagree with anyone who thinks that another persons "posts" ought to be pleasing to them. I don't think that any individual slugs purpose is to assemble "posts" that are entertaining or in some way pleasing to the other slugs, but rather, to assemble posts that are, for personal reasons, pleasing to the slug in question. If in fact it is the case that one becomes a slug merely for the purpose of entertaining other slugs, then, I would rather not be a slug, in as much as, I am no court jester and do not in general enjoy entertaining other people. I believe that open critisizm is not only healthy, but to be desired, only because I am the sort of person who is interested in what others have to say. To anyone who thinks that I ought to or even do care if you enjoy my posts or not, I don't. To anyone who assumes that in posting I am obligated to post something which suits your taste or entertains you, I promise you that this will never be the case. To anyone who is disappointed or offended at the fact that my posts and or the posts of others have been less than enjoyable to them, you ought to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself just who you think that you are. ............ Regards Mike.............

My posts are not for your enjoyment, if you think they are, you are sadly self centered..err mistaken... you have no right to complain about the content of my posts or the posts of others "notice that I never do!".. so if you think that another persons posts aren't good enough for you, do not email/tell any admin about your problems, but deal with it yourself. We are big kids here, stop acting like children and just be cool .............
The observer... not very secretive at all James =p
Allrighty people i decided that my name on here was getting a bit stale so ive switched, hope you like, admins dont fret about changing the link to my email, its no biggie.....yet. hehe
well it dosen't really matter what I'm doing, though i did say that because i expected nothing to happen in my 6 years, but what i meant to say is nevada's ok lots of good offroading to do, it was Las Vegas that suck, and yes steve it probably thinks i suck to, and I know Nick its because I can't gamble but i don't like gambling anyway... oh well off to carry my M-16.
Hey, Andrew, you know what?
I'm looking at well over 100 trees out my window, right now.
And a nice, gray, Washington sky. No evil blue sky and sun, just good old amorphous, luminent gray. Enjoy Nevada, MP boy.

Hey you know I remember you saying "...All I'll ever be doing is working on planes....." Now don't you look like a schmuck.

Whoa whoa whoa bonnie, you missed the point entirely. Im not making fun of them at all, im referring to the fact that Mikes way of posting his poetry is like a hose that whose spigot has been turned on a little too high and all that it needs is to be turned down a little and from what ive seen there hasnt been as much poetry as their was over the summer, and that aarons posts like fertilizer. Fertilizer is one of those things that help the plant grow (the plant being the board--as in slugs--for those who think im trying to be a jackass), being chock full of nutrients and all that fun stuff, fertilizer is a positive thing, fresh cow crap is not. Aaron has some quality posts, and im just saying that his input on the board will be missed by at least me. As for me criticizing everyone, how can you justify calling any persons post worthless, it may not be worthless to them. The point of this board is not to satisfy all people at all times. Its a place where people come to share thoughts and observances that they've had throughout the day, it is also a form of communication. With paintball it would take many phone calls and a few hours to arrange something and confirm all people coming. But with the board its just a note on a tack board, people read it they take notice they reply. Oh and if you didn't notice bonnie i wasnt saying that i churn out nothing but quality posts, even i admit that some of them are just plain crap, maybe you missed this part but i quote, "And so the plant shall continue to decay, fed only by the low quality dribble that i produce....Hell it seems alls i do is piss people off with my posts." And if i offended anybody with the crack about the "occasional thought provoking quip or mannerism posted by all of us from time to time." im sorry about that, but we must admit that not all of what we put on this board is grade A material, my stuff included.
There i go with that green thumb again, oh well ive gotta go eat before my psat, later
I can't sleep and it's really bothering me. I tried for a really long time and it's just not working. Anyway, is there a written rule that we can't have 3 administrators? Would that be too much of a problem? Also, James did say that he would be back. Everyone needs a break sometimes...as we all know, James is not perfect. Nobody is.
Napster...I'm not really feeling the whole plant analogy thing...maybe you had too much of nature at Camp Colman. However, calling mike a hose or aaron fertilizer? That's a little fucked up. I mean, nobody makes fun of your stories that you used to put on here. Also, a lot of posts are pretty damn annoying. I know mine probably are to a lot of people, and I can think of some other people who post really pointless, long, annoying posts that people don't even read...they just skip right over them knowing that they are worthless. I even have made up a song that I sing as I skip over them. The words are "Nobody cares, nobody cares" to the tune of Beethoven's 5th. My point being, before you criticize look at yourself. A lot of the time, you are no better then the person you are criticizing. With this said, I think I might be able to go to bed with out getting the feeling that I'm going to vomit. Goodnight.

October 19, 2001

HMMMM perhaps you just came from outside possibly looking at a tree, God how I miss tree's NEVADA SUCKS. Oh well. And nick worry more because all tests are taking early in the mourning I don't know why maybe because... well I don't know, I'm rambling again. AND WHY DID MY COMP JUST TRY TO CONNECT TO AOL. ARRGGGG i hate that. Well off to bed I gotta go to work tomarrow. You all have a nice day.
Ok i guess this is what happens after being gone three days, cause i have no idea what the hell any of you are talking about. But Aaron i do know that your theory that if you leave it alone it will resurrect itself is a bit oddball at least to me. Think of the board as a plant, now we all know that a plant needs to be fed for it to grow and flourish. So dont you think that by your "taking a step back" and not contributing your only depriving the plant of quality fertilizer. And so the plant shall continue to decay, fed only by the low quality dribble that i produce, and the occasional thought provoking quip or mannerism posted by all of us from time to time. Hell it seems alls i do is piss people off with my posts. And mike, i love your poetry but plz put a kink in that hose of yours its spraying all over the "yard" and making a puddle out of what could be a well irrigated, fruitful garden. No offense meant by any of this mind you. Well, i guess i should get off this whole gardening analogy trip that im on, i have no idea where it came from
When i got back from camp i was so friggen tired it amazed even me. i just hopped into our hot tub and cranked some tunes. god it was relaxing. though my dad came home and he was a bit pissed off, cause like usual he has a serious bug up his ass
Well isn't this grand?

WTF is up with those tests being so early in the morning. I know I personally could have done much better than my piddly 1260 if I didn't have to wake up before the crack of noon. Not having been hung over might have helped (English comes fairly naturally to me, as my 720 on the vocab part showed....but math in the morning-not gonna happen. Though, as much as we used to get blasted and go to Wymer's class you'd think I was used to it by then.) Bastards.

the continuing saga of mud[not]

Steve, I feel, is the voice of reason in this.....and Jimbo has been the driving force behind this since it's inception. Also, not many of the original "Core" remain, the last thing we want to do is exclude one. If his "hiatus" or whatever you want to call it was indeed to work on a grand new idea for us, then, well, shit.....how could we leave him out? Maybe he has right to be pissed, but I still think "backstabber" is not correct. He did leave, and announced no plans to the group about his possible return or plans for it. SO......fuckit. Whatever.

So I had this brainfart while composing the rest of this....about the "core" of slugs, the way we were brought together, and James' idea of changing.
It's all rather Alec-esque, don't you think? And, after all, the "core" group of us, at least from where I sit, was introduced through Alec's class. I think...correct me if I'm wrong.

Anyway, at least it's Friday. This whole 40-hour a week job thing sucks. I didn't appreciate Friday until now. During school, it was somehow different. Strange.


I come to heal the loose slugs and start us down the road to recovery after a tragedy such as this. Please embrace me all and my warm fleshy manhood. Especially bonnie. And especially A-DaWg. Wrap your fists around my slab of hobo jerky and feel the love. Oh yes.
For those of you who didn't understand my post... I have no further explanation, unless you didn't read James' uber comment he left earlier. And as for everything else... I agree with James' interpretation that the board has indeed become crap. I have also altered my opinion to let James be admin. again when he comes back. I have no particular reason... Anyway, I think I will become an observer for a while, check the board, let the heat die down, perhaps work on a decent post or the webcomic with Jesse maybe? Something... Is this making a statement? Perhaps, but not one against anyone else, I think perhaps I am contributing to the board's decrepit state, and in order to help resurrect it, I will leave it alone for awhile. But I'll still be watching.

"What? A great man? I see only a great actor of his own ideal."
Well its time for PSAT's in the morning, fuck studying i dont give a damn
it wasnt my ten dollars, i dont give a damnits a three hour test at like 8 in the morning
heres just a little thing that im writing for myself that im thinking of submitting to the school newspaper though im not sure that they will accept it
Honesty- its one of those things that everyone preaches the hell out of these days. A thing that seems to be stressed to death to children everywhere, but is only used by the adults who drill it into todays youth when its convienient. Honesty seems to only be popular among the student population when it will benefit them or it is useful for exacting revenge on ones enemies or those that they have a less than a good opinion about. If honesty is used against them they feel that that person is from that point and forever shall be viewed as the bane of their existence. A mortal enemy that should be hated and made to be the but of any joke or cruelty that pops into that small persons mind. I tell you this is not how Braves should treat each other. I do not think that honesty or as in the case that i experienced "tattleing" should ever be used for a case of revenge. Sometimes people have responsibilities that they must live up too for a grade, say as in the case of a TA. It is that persons duty to watch and see what the teacher cannot while they are doing what they are paid too, that is teach. If a person is in the posistion where that responsibility is entrusted to them and a certain amount of trust is expected from the teacher then that student should not have to tolerate or listen to claims that they are some kind of coldheart who has no friendships and doesn't deserve any. That person is not a monster of any sort, they are only doing a job that has been asked of them by an authority figure.
I know I haven't been here for very long, but from what I have been reading about James, I'm still not getting. Does he want to come back, and if that be the case come back and be an admin? I'm a confused man please set me straight.
I don't know if James reads this or not, but I'm leaving this message:

I did indeed vacate the board for awhile, and to make a statement, and yes, that was incredibly stupid of me. However it had nothing to do with Bonnie, thank you very much, and yet you assume that it did. IT actually had to do with the fact that I couldn't take Mike, James, or Jimmoi's crap for awhile. And James, don't fucking say that you aren't trying to make a statement. Otherwise you would have just stopped posting rather than actually taken your own name off the damn list.

Also, it's not really backstabbing. I'll use Jesse's analogy. Steve Jobs, he started Apple, then he quit/was fired, when he returned to the company, when he returned, his position was lower. You don't just come back and get to be king again. I mean there's not specific reason to not let James be an admin. but why then is there any reason others of us shouldn't be admin. either.

Also, my friend TJ just shouted that as an inside joke to Bonnie. Inside jokes are not rare on the board, so you really shouldn't just label people dumbfucks all the time when you don't even know them. You may not understand this James, but the board isn't solely dependent on you. If none of us had joined in, you would be here on your little Slugs board, typing messages to yourself. Also, Virtual Strangers did fail, I actually was the one who gave up on it, and told people it was over.

So James, although I don't care one way or another if you are made admin. again, quit trying to deny that you crave attention just like certain other people. Everyone craves attention on some level, it's just like you said with Jimmoism, "I hate you" is the same as "I love you". Same thing with "I don't want attention". You know that by avoiding it so adamantly you are just going to get it, so why don't you stop trying to avoid it like that.

BTW, since I used Jesse's logic, he wanted to make it clear that he is of a neutral opinion. I only hope that this matter doesn't kill Slugs.
Wow here it is my lunch hour and im sitting in a darkened classroom typing this out. I saw james a few moments earlier, he kinda looked pissed. But oh well. A guys personal storm must be rode out alone. In other words let him pick his own shit out of his proverbial fan. Well im not sure what else i should type
I accuiered (SP?) a new book today... new as in the sense to belonging in my ownership. *smiles* It's from 1854 and is in very good condition. It's actually in english too, so that makes it special to me. It's made with leather binding and very good black and white sketches. It's called 'A Brage-Beaker With the Sweded' or (don't know why it's an or) 'Notes From the North In 1852'. It's by w.Blanchard Jerrold. It's very interesting reading about the old Sweden... I'm glad to have gotten it, it is a nice piece to add to my collection. :)
The only other old book I have gotten here is in Swedish. It's an somewhat illustrated children's book. translated from English. It's one I'm sure some of you have heard of 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'. Well this is all for me.
Over here in Sweden they play a lot of american songs... or songs that are in english anyway. :) I find if comforting at times in some odd way. Tomorrow I have to get up at 5:30 so I can get packed showered, ect. for the 3 hour drive to Gothemburg. We'll stay there this whole weekend and come home sometime monday. Anyway... that's all that's really going on in my life right now.

Hm...seems the elder Collins is a little pissed.
And I agree with him on a lot of points, but calling us backstabbers.....maybe a little harsh.
After all, he left us with no explanation, just...."I'm leaving, I'll probably be back in a couple of months" WTF is that?
And now he comes back indignantly saying that we turned our backs on him? WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Sorry man, it doesn't work that way.
Matter of fact, here is the exact text of his final post:
"A two dollar bill says you never saw this coming.

I'm leaving the board.
my decision is final.
yes, I'm being a whiney little Aaron - but it is not because of any social interactions in-as-much as it is that what I could post would be harmfull to my currently ... I dont know.

Bradbury / I havent gotten around to reserving paintball.
Have Steven do that for you.
Just leave a messege I'm sure he'll reply to it.

Dont worry.
I will probably " be back " ( meaning I force Jeff into inviting me again ) in no less than two months.
I wont be checking the board either.
It has become a sick ...
sick ... contraption.

I find myself still confused.
and sick.
so terribly sick inside.

keep tight.
buckle up.
dont expect many board "changes" anytime soon.
and try to convince Jeff to adding people onto the board /
so that when ( if ) I return I can boot them off on technicalities and be a real big asshole!


Ok then.


October 18, 2001

The new mayor of Suckville

Have you seen the new dodge ram? ugly ass truck.
I just had to get that out in the open....I still hate dodge. But at least they had the good taste to pay Aerosmith a butt-load of cash to use their song in the ad blitz.

Not to mention Netscape 6. ick. lousy, slow, buggy, crashy stupid fucking IE rip-off nutscrape 6. they should've never abandoned Mozilla. bastards.

Yes I have no argument about allowing James back, he should be allowed back. Making him an admin though.....well, maybe not right away. How about a probationary period.......? Be worth discussing. If I remember correctly, he said he wouldn't be coming back and he wouldn't be checking on us. Dramatics. What's it been, a week? pretty lame. Just goes to show, you can't get away...You'll like it down here.
all float down here...

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot....changes.....we should be thinking of ways to make this place look, if not better, at least different



Ahh...now this is good input. Good good input.

I think its also good to have new members...

Yes, this is james' creation...that is true...and i have no desire to exclude him. However, the question of whether or not he goes back to being an administrator is what is being talked about. Right now i have no opinion on it...in fact, originally i figured he would be one, and that this was just a james-haitus.

Since this is a board though, i thought i'd leave it up to a discussion of whether he gets his administration back. (More than likely it will be restored though, but that doesn't mean for sure.)

To respond to heather: That was james' policy, if indeed that is what he said. James' policy is james' policy and remains james' policy. I do things differently. If he wishes to come back, he can come back. The same courtesy, after all, has already been extended to Aaron (and with no complaints), and to Jake, whenever he actually comes back. If jimmoi leaves, he to will be allowed back...

...as far as my policy.

Okay, enough of that policy garble.

I should really work on making this board a little different...since bradbury and i are administrators...maybe we should make it look a little different...

any thoughts on that? or should we just leave it the same...
i may need to figure out how to change the links so that new people can click on something to email either bradbury or myself.

(You know this is what annoyed me about james leaving...he left me with this extra added little thing to deal with...

though it is an interesting change.)

For the Boswanians27
As it was explained to me, once you leave the board, that's it- no more coming back. Why should Jamie be allowed to throw a temper tantrum if he won't give the same courtesy to anyone else on the board?
That of course, would be TJ or Creepyguyinblack. I figure some sort of introduction is due. Do not be offended by anything he says... He just happens to have ABSOLUTELY NO MORALS.

Yes, keep the power away from James. I think these two new slugs are a good thing, and hopefully Jake and if Michael emails Bradbury his addy, The Fremen(sp?) will make good additions. haha!
Heh, sorry about that outburst, how are you kids doing?
James reads this...hm...weird. Anyway, this is James's creation and to cut him out of it would be harsh. However, he's the one who decided to leave...and he can't just expect us to follow his wishes...geez, I have nothing to post. Also, they eat a lot of french fries in France, Jeff. I had them at almost every meal. They put gravy on them and serve them with meat. It isn't too wonderful.
Good to have you on the board.
And, knowing how you hate to be called that, I'll stick to calling you Andy from now on.

And about James, I'm at nature against listening to him on that, simply because the core group of us isn't good enough, and if people keep leaving it will get pretty boring around here.
That said, I am also interested in knowing WTF he has "Planned" for this, and thus against adding new people. But since Andy has been added, I see no reason to stop.
As to his return, well, I feel he should be an admin, after all he created this. But I will yield to the group consensus.

Insofar as the person/people Aaron suggests, sure, why the hell not?
I'll invite the one you posted before, creepyguyinblack@yahoo.com, just email me (nbradbury@mac.com) with the others and I'll get it done...


and Hello to you Andrew.
Nice to see a new typer on the board. :)

That would be interesting to see his reaction and such. hmmm... I agree with the others so far about the 'James administration' thing. No offense meant to you though James. :)

I am creating a life size human head out of clay. It's rather interesting creating something that way... you can bring it to life, and destroy it so easily. Even after I have it fired in the kiln. It will be strong, but it can still break and shatter... just like humans in a way.

hej då lite etts.

Viva la Revolution

Well, it seems we have a consensus beginning to take shape as to the state of james' position on the board...

...which is interesting, because despite what he has said, james has been looking at the board...

Anyway, whether or not to have james back as an administrator is up to everyone here i suppose...or at least everyone's thoughts will be taken into consideration...

so i guess this is also to bradbury then...don't make james an administrator if you add him...i'm very interested in what everyone else has to say about this...

(what can i say, its my good to study people and their perspectives, opinions, and reactions...)

Aaron: i'll look into adding that other guy as soon as i get some spare time...or you can have bradbury do it if he so wishes...

For the Boswanians26
Hey Andrew is on the board . Great news, by the way, Aaron, Andrew is a friend of mine,bradbury's,sherrie's and drew's.. He am is good guy lol
Okay just to put in my two cents... I say that we give James absolutely no power whatsoever. I say this because James is, as we all know, a control freek, and so taking away any "suggestion" power he might have over this " I believe to be his own creation" is just too tempting for me to want to let it go.
Jeff, I am in favor of not listening to James' suggestion at all. In fact, now that James has left, I believe when he does come back that he shouldn't be an administrator. I know James' suggestion, and although it's interesting, that doesn't mean we have to hold off adding slugs until he's back. I think allowing James to have any decision making power at this point isn't right. Just my two sense though...

So, I was watching cartoons with my little brother, and I had an idea for a great post, unfortunately it would require picture alteration that I'm not capable of on this computer. Something along the lines of my superhero post of long ago. So if anyone would like to do the picture alteration for me, it would be good if we held it off until James got back.

And who is Andrew Davis?
can you find them... ?
I did :)
There are now 4 of us in all...
eventually we will come an rule over ******** (edited)

happy times for them and me :)

*hugs for everyone(?)*

Second Brand

I hate winamp.

I don't know why i decided to write that...but i've decided that i will not use it anymore.

Instead, i'm going to use sonique...

Mostly because it has better, or so i have seen so far, better visualizations. That, and for some reason it just runs better on my computer...at least i think so.

You know, this post almost feels soooo meaningless...

that or perhaps its my existance...at least my existance at 12:47 at night.

Other little things on my mind:

  1. For the first time ever, i'm glad i'm not important enough to get mail...let alone get anthraxed mail.

  2. Why aren't i important enough to get anthraxed mail?

  3. Is it my breath?

  4. Ahem...anyway...Why do people feel the need to call each other on cell phones when they are both probably only five minutes away from home? Couldn't they just wait to get home and call in the comfort of their homes?

  5. Why is it that some people can't go up one DAMN flight of stairs? I mean come on, is it really that hard to walk from the 5th floor to the 6th floor? Perhaps it is those same people who can't wait to get home to make a phone call?

  6. Why are they called French Fries...and are the French annoyed by that name?

  7. Perhaps i just don't exude that air of importance to get anthraxed-mail.

As you can see, there aren't that many mental processes that occur in my head this late at night...

...or ever.

For the Boswanians25


Nothing much to say, just needed to quickly state that Bradbury is now your second administrator. Thus, if you have any questions about anything and i'm not around, there is bradbury.

Also, if you have someone to add, and i'm not around, bradbury can add them for you.

(However, i'm not sure if we are added people just yet, purely based on what james said to me...then again, i'm seriously considering NOT listening to what he said, since he did leave the board...which leaves the decision on adding up to bradbury and myself...as well as a general consensus amongst us all...ah...i don't know yet.)

Anyway, that is all for now.

For the Boswanians24

October 17, 2001

Sure, Why Not?

Sounds like fun.
Or something.

But, yes. And as I seem to have been......mentioned.......by others during the earlier disscussions, it should work.

If anyone has objections, please say so.

If not, well then, I have big plans - drink a lot, party a lot, pick up women......oh, wait, none of that has anything to do with here. This place - no plans.

But anyway.

They rained out today at SIR. It didn't rain, it wasn't raining when I got there, it isn't raining now, and it won't be raining later. And I was going to work on my reaction times...and shift points...and launches...ok so I was really going to work on everything, and I need practice.....oh well.


I just got home from 6th grade camp a little bit ago. Fun stuff. Well, actually, I don't think the word "fun" is exactly the right word...more of an interesting time. One of the girls in my cabin shit all over the bathroom floor. That was pretty gross. Oh well...memories, I guess. She was one of the special ed. kids...and so I felt sorry for her. As selfish as it may sound, though, I feel sorry for me too. It isn't fun taking a shower in a bathroom that has just been crapped all over. Some how it takes the whole "clean" aspect out of it. Now I'm off to bed. It's only 7...but I figure that I need to catch up on some lost sleep. Tomorrow is my first day going back to school after 7 days. Goodnight!