So here I am.... What a joke or at least it ought be viewd as a joke.....

I woke up this morning at about 6:00 am.. I haven't had enough sleep and I am still very tired, but, thanks to that nasty greasy pizza episode last night with james and jimmy at pizza hut I have a rare form of indigestion that won't let me rest.. HaH great stuff..There you are, I woke up at 6:00 am and now I can't sleep, so, of course; I started thinking random thoughts ( i think that is normal).. and I got to thinking {Just what the hell is wrong with me ?..} I have had all the opportunity in the world to exploit circumstance and get grips on everything I want, but, I just don't respond right to circumstance and I never take advantage of what I could.. who knows, I just don't get it... You see there is something etherial in all of it, things that people say to you never amount to all of what they are thinking or perhaps what they think they are saying, and so, you are faced (if you are like me) with what you percieve and what everyone else percieves, because, if you are me, you only percieve two things 1> immediate necessity 2> the precise information conveyed to you by others through verbal communication. I don't understand these incredible expecations for action which come about in everyday things (not to mention more complex activities).. I feel as though it is a big game of social grace, and I am a portly dancer, for graceful I am not... Everyone seems to know exactly what to do except me, at least that is how I see it when someone tells me what to do without explaining how it is to be done.. Fucking madness I tell you, and everywhere I am faced with people who judge my life choices without really understanding that I am helpless in a sense, because I am niave. I buy into those ideas of a person having an idealogy and sticking with it, I don't do things when I think they go against my grain, or when they aren't efficient ( and nothing we do is done efficiently any more).. Yet many people still look down upon who and what I am as though there were something better out there and I am in some way offending them by not being it... How ridiculous is that ?.. I don't know how anyone can expect me to go to college when I can't even figure out how to feed and cloth myself well, it just kind of hapines... I simply can't get it strait, maybe I am just irresponsible.. This morning I opened my email account and I found a strange little email in there with no subject and for which someone had cleverly found a way to hide their return address .. I looked inside and there was a executible file with a strange name... I am no fool, I scanned with with an anti virus program and what do you know !!!! A virus in my emial HAHA crisis averted, but what sort of pathetic schoolboy pleasure do you derive out of randomly emailing people computer viruses ?..Any way, that was off the subject... I am writing about college and why it is so ridiculously stupid.. The fact is this, I realize that I am a mortal creature, I am going to die (end of story).. and there are things I want to study and can only find in colleges... Great stuff, heady stuff, stuff that no self educated 19 year old student should rightly be studying and critisizing.. But why do people think that I should go to college and instead of learning what I like and feeding my passions instead go through some standard (I am at X level of general education) Mcdonalds mass produced educational program ?... Why should I take the time to give a dam about subject matters which don't interest me, or for which I have absolutely no passion ?.. If I study them I am only taking away precious time which could be spent studying the things I love and actually making deep progress in those areas before I am faced with inevitable death....It is not as though the educator is going to offer a passionate exposition of their lifes work to a bunch of people who are only in their class because a beaurocracy forced them in there saying (you are not measured as competent by our paperwork if you do not enter this classroom and contract your muscles in the way that we say..)... Who are they to think that their measures are the best, or to say these least, to think that they more than I know what I ought to do in being educated, is it not my education ??.... If you ask me it promotes this general attitude (or at least expressis it) people in the world today are fucking pathetic creatures, not capable of relying on themsleves to decide what is right and best, instead, we are all used to flocking through public buildings where those (beaurocrats) that we trust so well make all the decisions about what is and ought to be done... yet none of us know exactly why ( or by my meaning of know, have actually critisized the explinations we are given and found reason to disagree or to agree {keeping mortality in mind}.) this or that such choice is the best.. none of us know why it is right to put a child molester in a small town neighborhood and lock away drug dealers for life,... none of us know why you can be awarded 1,000,000 dollars for spilling Mcdonalds hot coffee on yourself and not sew(is that right "sew" that seems odd to me?) new york city for endangering your life every time you enter the city limits... And likewise none of us know why it is better for us not to be the ones choosing just what we study in college (in terms of specific classes)..But we all agree and life goes on.. I suppose it just goes to show you, the world as absurd and you are stuck in it with me... and the biggest beaurocrat of all prolly has just as many stupid ideosyncratic reasons for the way things are.....................................
Mike Out..............