[S.NoW]
You know what sucks... what sucks is when asian-alaskans call you, but because you were on the phone with someone else, or because you can't make it to the phone, they decide not to leave a message or try calling back later.
Damn you jimmoi. Damn you and you being asleep right now.
In other news... I am bored out of my mind. Nothing to do here... and I can't get ahold of anybody. Justin and Breanna are out... Jimmy's in alaska... haven't tried James yet, but he usually is sleeping these days.
What is wrong with all you and your need for sleep? I hate you all.
This post is going nowhere, and I had such a good idea for a post too. Bah, this is definitely turning into the type of posts that I hate.
oh and... snow rocks. Yes it does. Those of you who can't drive when its snowing... you all just suck at driving. :P See how i make grandiose generalizations like that. Snow is great. It cools things down... like... hot things. And people can snowboard on it. Yeah...
Now i know some of you are saying... "you can't snowboard on three inches of snow in your backyard". To those of you, i say, "have you actually tried it?!"
Exactly.
To the others who are saying, "snowboarding is gay", i say...
well...
"you are gay".
Keep 'em comin' you bastards.
December 31, 2003
December 30, 2003
[Correction]
So Jimmy pointed out to me that it was actually Steve-o that first brought up the whole topic of a naked Steve and Andy, so my apologies to Bonnie and James...
... though i still imagine that 1) the army would warp anybody's line of thought given enough time, and 2) James didn't mind thinking of naked Andy and Steve.
That being that, I was thinking of top-five lists of things because I got into a conversation of top five Sci-fi movies with Jimmy and so that has been etched into my mind for some time. So that being that... I decided to make a top five list of inventions that have changed man:
Meh, I must be bored. Only people who are bored or psychotic make top five lists. Just look at High Fidelity.
I'm done here.
So Jimmy pointed out to me that it was actually Steve-o that first brought up the whole topic of a naked Steve and Andy, so my apologies to Bonnie and James...
... though i still imagine that 1) the army would warp anybody's line of thought given enough time, and 2) James didn't mind thinking of naked Andy and Steve.
That being that, I was thinking of top-five lists of things because I got into a conversation of top five Sci-fi movies with Jimmy and so that has been etched into my mind for some time. So that being that... I decided to make a top five list of inventions that have changed man:
- Top Invention Number 5- "The Microscope": It changed the way science was done. In fact, really it made science. It made the general populous jump from cutting rabbits feet off for good luck to killing bacteria.
- Top Invention Number 4- "The Wheel": Cliché but definitely true. Whoever has a car, I'd like to see you argue this one.
- Top Invention Number 3- "The Computer": Probably the most influential invention of the previous century. They are in thousands of homes now... and if you're the Collins family, then they are practically in every room of the house. One day I'm gonna go visit and Michael will be playing Starcraft Five: The Super-Zerg Agenda in the bathroom.
- Top Invention Number 2- "The Camera": I thought about putting the videocamera, but really that's just an extention of the camera. Picture takin' rocks... and everyone does it. And there's something about looking at a picture that's fifteen years old of stuff you just don't remember. Pictures carry weight.
- Top Invention Number 1- "The Telephone": I think, personally, it's the best invention. Or at least the most influential. You can talk to people hundreds and thousands of miles away. We can talk to people in space. I can call James and say, "pick me up from the busstop bitch", and he'll say, "tza!". Don't you see!? Wonderful.
Meh, I must be bored. Only people who are bored or psychotic make top five lists. Just look at High Fidelity.
I'm done here.
December 29, 2003
[Graphics Galore]
Wow, I didn't really expect anybody to follow up on that whole badguy list, mostly cause I figured the board stopped getting readers. Now, I didn't actually think some of those belonged on my list, and some did. Koopa, nah, not really...
But who could deny the Joker? Seriously, the guy was fucked up, and if you were to go based on kill amounts alone, then he's up there. So is Darth Vader, whatever you all might think. Like was pointed out, he ran the Death Star! He was prepared over and over again to kill billions upon billions of people. Just because he was forgiven in the last five minutes of the movie, that doesn't mean anything. If anything, he should be given more credit, because he managed to avoid the Star Wars version of Hell after killing billions of people. The guy was an EVIL GENIUS.
Mr. Burns. I actually thought about him and the Predator, but in both cases, they seemed to switch between the bad guy and good guy roles. Predator in Predator I was an awesome badguy... but in Predator II he was more a "lethal enforcer". Mr. Burns was just greedy. I don't know if that counts in of itself.
And Hans Gruber. Okay, that guy rocked. Hands down he was awesome... definitely should have thought of him...
Of course, when you consider that I put together the post in five minutes on the spur of the moment after finishing a game of Mario Kart, I think I did okay.
That all being said... I had a bunch more to post, but I don't remember what it was.
OOOh yeah... so apparently one of three things possibly happened yesterday.
First, the backstory:
So this leaves me to wonder... what is going on. And now to my three theories:
And there you have it my friends... my quandry. As you can tell I'm both puzzled, and very... very bored such as to have posted this. But hey, at least i didn't put disturbing images of andy and steve doing sexual naked things with each other like Bonnie and James apparently like to fantasize about. James I can understand because that eight year mark is fast approaching (I know, old joke, but c'mon, it fit for its purpose)... but Bonnie? Why would you think that?
I imagine it's because of serving in the army, doing whatever she does. Maybe it snaps the human mind more than the government is willing to admit. Maybe it's those anthrax vaccines that they were originallly forcing people to take. Maybe it inducing images of andy and steve naked and touching each other. I'll have to add that to the growing list of reasons not to enter the armed forces.
Wow, I didn't really expect anybody to follow up on that whole badguy list, mostly cause I figured the board stopped getting readers. Now, I didn't actually think some of those belonged on my list, and some did. Koopa, nah, not really...
But who could deny the Joker? Seriously, the guy was fucked up, and if you were to go based on kill amounts alone, then he's up there. So is Darth Vader, whatever you all might think. Like was pointed out, he ran the Death Star! He was prepared over and over again to kill billions upon billions of people. Just because he was forgiven in the last five minutes of the movie, that doesn't mean anything. If anything, he should be given more credit, because he managed to avoid the Star Wars version of Hell after killing billions of people. The guy was an EVIL GENIUS.
Mr. Burns. I actually thought about him and the Predator, but in both cases, they seemed to switch between the bad guy and good guy roles. Predator in Predator I was an awesome badguy... but in Predator II he was more a "lethal enforcer". Mr. Burns was just greedy. I don't know if that counts in of itself.
And Hans Gruber. Okay, that guy rocked. Hands down he was awesome... definitely should have thought of him...
Of course, when you consider that I put together the post in five minutes on the spur of the moment after finishing a game of Mario Kart, I think I did okay.
That all being said... I had a bunch more to post, but I don't remember what it was.
OOOh yeah... so apparently one of three things possibly happened yesterday.
First, the backstory:
I went out to go to Target. I went out to get some shaver blades for my razor because I needed them. Yay, interesting. Then I bought trash bags because the house needed them. Then I pondered for awhile about buying a video game. I didn't. Then I pondered about buying a movie. I didn't. Then I went to Best Buy. I pondered the video game again. I didn't buy it. The movie. I ended up buying two: Chasing Amy and High Fidelity. I like them, what can I say.
Then I decided to go home. I go home. I unlock the door and go to my room. And what do my wondering eyes behold but 12 small red tinsel trees lining my room, and a larger 13th tree, red tinsel, above my bed. I think. I go to my roommate Ginny and talk to her. She says she didn't know about it, but that she saw a tall-ish blonde girl wearing a white snow-jacket with pink stripes walking around the house and in my room. She had blonde hair. She didn't get her name. Other roomates were then asked. Nobody knew anything. Some weren't home at the time, others locked away in their room. Result: I have 13 red tinsel trees in my room, the origins of which are still unknown to me.
So this leaves me to wonder... what is going on. And now to my three theories:
- Theory Number 1: The Roommate Conspiracy: It is entirely possible that one or more of my roommates are lying about the whole red tree thing, and that they did it as some sort of Christmas-joke. I could see them doing that... or at the very least, I wouldn't put it past them. However, obviously by looking at the trees, someone had to buy them, first of all, and go through extra effort of setting them up to be placed around my room. Now this clashes with most of my roommates, who can be lazy and whom I couldn't see spending that much money on some random Christmas-joke... at least not without some good reason.
- Theory Number 2: The Mistaken Room: Now it is also quite possible that my room was simply mistaken for someone else's room. Certainly it is possible because while each of us have friends, each of our friends may not know exactly which room belongs to which person. It is possible that my room was mistaken for Joe's (asian, some of you know him), or Allen's (asian, again, some of you might know him - mostly jimmy). However, despite the plausibility and likelihood of this possibility, it seems a little off because I have plenty of pictures of me in the room to make it seem like my room. From pictures of us all at paintball, to a couple of me or me and Kristen, it seems unlikely that someone would make that mistake.
- Theory Number 3: Secret Admirer/Friend: Now this one seems very farfetched because it just seems farfetched. Coupled with a couple of other things. While I do know of a couple of girls that are a little tall with blonde hair, none I know have white snowjackets with pink. Only two girls even fit that general description, and one of them is in Europe right now. The other doesn't know where I live, and its not likely that she would do this. It's not likely to be Kristen, because she's not tall with blonde hair. She's short with red hair. Now, it could be that she or another friend had another friend do it, but again, it seems too farfetched to be in the realm of real possibility.
And there you have it my friends... my quandry. As you can tell I'm both puzzled, and very... very bored such as to have posted this. But hey, at least i didn't put disturbing images of andy and steve doing sexual naked things with each other like Bonnie and James apparently like to fantasize about. James I can understand because that eight year mark is fast approaching (I know, old joke, but c'mon, it fit for its purpose)... but Bonnie? Why would you think that?
I imagine it's because of serving in the army, doing whatever she does. Maybe it snaps the human mind more than the government is willing to admit. Maybe it's those anthrax vaccines that they were originallly forcing people to take. Maybe it inducing images of andy and steve naked and touching each other. I'll have to add that to the growing list of reasons not to enter the armed forces.
December 27, 2003
hahahaha.
I've been working on a mspaint - or maybe even flash.
with steve and andy and two girls and pool cues.
and high fives and dialogue like :
steve-o: Are you fuckin' that bitch?
( points at woman Andy is obviously fucking from the rear )
andy: Dude! I am so fuckin' this bitch!
( gives thumbs up )
( steve slaps andy's ass )
steve-o: TAG OUT! SWITCH!
( steve and andy both hobble from their respective 'chicas' who both smile in unison )
bitch #1: Are you going to fuck me?
( bitch #1 points to herself )
andy: German Engineering, see my soldier rise to the occasion!
bitch #2: On your mark!
( both andy and steven hunch their backs )
bitch #2: Get set!
( they then wiggle their hips, making genitalia flop around with a sickening " plofph " sound )
bitch #2: Go!
( both men pounce on the women... )
you get the idea.
just you wait. i'll get around to
"The Sexual Mis-Adventures of Steven and Andy"
I've been working on a mspaint - or maybe even flash.
with steve and andy and two girls and pool cues.
and high fives and dialogue like :
steve-o: Are you fuckin' that bitch?
( points at woman Andy is obviously fucking from the rear )
andy: Dude! I am so fuckin' this bitch!
( gives thumbs up )
( steve slaps andy's ass )
steve-o: TAG OUT! SWITCH!
( steve and andy both hobble from their respective 'chicas' who both smile in unison )
bitch #1: Are you going to fuck me?
( bitch #1 points to herself )
andy: German Engineering, see my soldier rise to the occasion!
bitch #2: On your mark!
( both andy and steven hunch their backs )
bitch #2: Get set!
( they then wiggle their hips, making genitalia flop around with a sickening " plofph " sound )
bitch #2: Go!
( both men pounce on the women... )
you get the idea.
just you wait. i'll get around to
"The Sexual Mis-Adventures of Steven and Andy"
December 25, 2003
I keep wanting to use X T Christmas in some context or another.
But I cannot for the life of me figure something out.
So I hear there is a rave in a warehouse in seattle,
called X T Christmas.
I don't know I got nothin.
edit:
I got him to warn me to 35%
best part of my whole damned holiday.
But I cannot for the life of me figure something out.
So I hear there is a rave in a warehouse in seattle,
called X T Christmas.
I don't know I got nothin.
edit:
zak p o w: same ol bullshit
Flayme Raven: different day?
zak p o w: days no longer make any sense to me.
Flayme Raven: ?
zak p o w: you going to go to the XTCHRISTMAS RAVE?
Flayme Raven: .....
Flayme Raven: ?
Flayme Raven: assuming you didn't just make that up
zak p o w: its a HO HO HOLIDAY rave man
Flayme Raven: it'd be a dead rave
Flayme Raven: with nobody there.
Flayme Raven: ....?
zak p o w: you going to the CHRISTMAS REEFER rave?
Flayme Raven: wtf is with you?
zak p o w: I heard there was going to be a COKED UP HAUNUKA rave but its fuckin' full of jews.
zak p o w: you goin to the ANGELDUST rave?
Flayme Raven: And James, there is not rave in Seattle tonight called XTChristmas.
Flayme Raven: there is one rave that anyone will even be at
Flayme Raven: and that rave won't even have a decent number of people
Flayme Raven: so shutup.
zak p o w: THChristmas rave?
Flayme Raven: Are you getting some sort of jollies out of this? If you were actually making funny jokes -- I'd laugh at them, but you're simply being....stupid.
zak p o w: I hear they're going to play SANDSTORM at he IRAQI rave.
zak p o w: celebration catching sadam and all that
Flayme Raven: See that was almost funny
zak p o w: I really need to work on my drug culture
Flayme Raven: yes you do.
Flayme Raven: since rave is not a part of drug culture.
Flayme Raven: anymore than 'rock concert'
Flayme Raven: or 'rap battle'
zak p o w: or 'smoke out' or 'shoot up'
zak p o w: or 'hot boxing'
Flayme Raven: ....
zak p o w: sorry wrong IM window
Flayme Raven: ?
zak p o w: I was considering the SECRET SPEED SANTA rave ( S^3 )
zak p o w: but I figured the HOLIDAY HEROIN bash rave would have a higher turnout.
zak p o w: I hear there will only be alcohol at the REDFACED REINDEER rave.
zak p o w: in the end I decided I will go to the " TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND PUMP UP THE VOLUME SO WE CAN GET HIGH AND DANCE OUT OF THIS WORLD " rave.
zak p o w: but if there arent many people there I'll goto the FREEBASE THE SNOWMAN rave
zak p o w: I hear the UPPERS and DOWNERS they'll have will be colored green and red. aint that some holiday spirit.
zak p o w: oh shit - friend of mine just informed me of the ORNAMENTAL OVERDOSE rave.
zak p o w: the KETAMINE KHRISTMAS rave
Flayme Raven signed off at 11:22:59 AM.
I got him to warn me to 35%
best part of my whole damned holiday.
December 24, 2003
cyclope45: anyway
cyclope45: im gonna go to bed
cyclope45: eat pudding
cyclope45: i love you nigga
zak p o w: lubz
zak p o w: like lugz
zak p o w: only not
zak p o w: not the shoes you know
zak p o w: like luv
zak p o w: only lub
zak p o w: but luv is slang for love see
zak p o w: and lub is slang for luv
zak p o w: see
zak p o w: get it
zak p o w: lubz
zak p o w: get it
zak p o w: dude its fucking funny
Auto response from cyclope45: shut the fuck up.
cyclope45: im gonna go to bed
cyclope45: eat pudding
cyclope45: i love you nigga
zak p o w: lubz
zak p o w: like lugz
zak p o w: only not
zak p o w: not the shoes you know
zak p o w: like luv
zak p o w: only lub
zak p o w: but luv is slang for love see
zak p o w: and lub is slang for luv
zak p o w: see
zak p o w: get it
zak p o w: lubz
zak p o w: get it
zak p o w: dude its fucking funny
Auto response from cyclope45: shut the fuck up.
December 22, 2003
[The Cause and Effect]
You have no idea how hard it is to post when your computer doesn't work...
On the other hand, some of you might not have any idea how... "freeing" it is to not have your computer work.
Anyway, I was thinking today... as i always do... and today's thought came to the idea of Villains.
That's right... the good ol' badguy. And I thought... wow, good badguys are hard to find. After all, the world needs badguys. Without badguys, we'd have no goodguys. Without badguys, we wouldn't have hour-plus long movies that bring us to such highs and lows, making us wonder... will the goodguy really win?
Anyway, to that end, I have composed a list of the top five Villains of all time, in reverse order:
Yes, without our wonderful villains, life just wouldn't be as interesting. Why would you need Batman, Superman, Spider-man, Neo, Mario, or any of the countless others? There would be no point. Though we may despise them, you can't get rid of them. Most superheroes must understand this, because so few of them actually kill their nemeses... if they did, they'd quickly be out of a job.
You have no idea how hard it is to post when your computer doesn't work...
On the other hand, some of you might not have any idea how... "freeing" it is to not have your computer work.
Anyway, I was thinking today... as i always do... and today's thought came to the idea of Villains.
That's right... the good ol' badguy. And I thought... wow, good badguys are hard to find. After all, the world needs badguys. Without badguys, we'd have no goodguys. Without badguys, we wouldn't have hour-plus long movies that bring us to such highs and lows, making us wonder... will the goodguy really win?
Anyway, to that end, I have composed a list of the top five Villains of all time, in reverse order:
- King Bowser Koopa [Super Mario Brothers/NINTENDO]: That's right... the King of all evil turtles, and the constant nemesis to Mario and Luigi. He first made his appearance in the Super Mario Brothers game of the old 8-bit Nintendo system, and since then he has appeared in subsequent sequels. In most every game he has appeared in, he has been the major villain. Each time, he captures the Princess and makes it extremely difficult for Mario to get her back. In the first game, he managed to tangle with Mario/Luigi eight times, seven of which he always managed to escape. Boswer was such a villain that at one point he even employed his children to do his dirty work.
- "John Doe" [Seven]: One of the best all-time villains, partly because of his creativity and style, partly because of his intellect, and partly because of the way he interacted with the detectives searching for him. He was always in control, always one step ahead of them. He had a plan so well thought-out that he managed to get himself arrested and still affect his last two "victims".
- Agent Smith [The Matrix I, II, III]: Love the Matrix, Hate the Matrix, it doesn't really matter. One of the only redeeming qualities of the Matrix movies is Hugo Weaving's Agent Smith. The very way Smith holds himself in the movie speaks of his true villainness. During much of the movie, he manages to maintain his eerie calm, even in the midst of losing. His complete disgust and contempt for the human species rises well above what you might expect from an outsider. I would almost say that his contempt for humanity is higher than most any other character out there.
- Darth Vader [Star Wars III, IV, V, VI]: Darth Vader, the single most evil man the entire empire ever created. Watching him enter a room made anybody shudder. He was the man responsible for the near complete destruction of the Jedi. He was instrumental in the collapse of the Republic. His presence was necessary for the Emperor to truly come to power. Who wasn't afraid of Darth Vader when they saw him choke one of his generals just by looking at him?? He was willing to kill his son several times, and kill his daughter as well.
- The Joker [Batman]: The single most evil, vile villain of all time. The Joker. In any incarnation that you can remember, whether it be the movies, the cartoon, or the comics, the Joker rules over all in terms of villains. Several times he tried to kill mass populations using various means: gases, bombs, nuclear weapons, etc. When he kills, he always kills with a smile, and laughs about it later. His constant interaction with Batman is one for the ages. Sometimes Joker would kill just to get Batman's attention. For him, people are tools... no, toys in a big game.
Yes, without our wonderful villains, life just wouldn't be as interesting. Why would you need Batman, Superman, Spider-man, Neo, Mario, or any of the countless others? There would be no point. Though we may despise them, you can't get rid of them. Most superheroes must understand this, because so few of them actually kill their nemeses... if they did, they'd quickly be out of a job.
December 20, 2003
December 19, 2003
So I found myself wondering: why would someone fuck a horse; why would you think to make a porno out of it; how would you go about it?
You get yourself a couple of skanky porn queens, because everyone knows regular non-skanky porn queens wouldn't fuck a horse - they do have standards after all. You drive around in the country for a while until you see the perfect porn-star horse. Go up with skanky porn queens, camera crew, etc. and knock on the farmers door:
Porn Producer: "Uh, hey, can we, uh...borrow your horse for, uh, an hour or so?"
Farmer Bill: "What?"
PP: "Yeah, just, uh, need to, uh, get some footage for our, um...documentary."
FB: "What the fuck...?!?!?!"
PP: "We're with the, um, uh...Discovery Channel"
FB: "Well, I reckon..."
PP: "Good, um, it would be great if you didn't, uh, watch, for, um...authenticity"
FB: "..."
PP: "Say, that's a 'he' horse, isn't it?"
FB: "Yeah..."
PP: "Good..."
FB: "You're not gonna hurt him now..."
PP: "No, I imagine he'll quite enjoy it."
FB: "Wha.."
PP: "Here's an old gym bag full of money."
You get yourself a couple of skanky porn queens, because everyone knows regular non-skanky porn queens wouldn't fuck a horse - they do have standards after all. You drive around in the country for a while until you see the perfect porn-star horse. Go up with skanky porn queens, camera crew, etc. and knock on the farmers door:
Porn Producer: "Uh, hey, can we, uh...borrow your horse for, uh, an hour or so?"
Farmer Bill: "What?"
PP: "Yeah, just, uh, need to, uh, get some footage for our, um...documentary."
FB: "What the fuck...?!?!?!"
PP: "We're with the, um, uh...Discovery Channel"
FB: "Well, I reckon..."
PP: "Good, um, it would be great if you didn't, uh, watch, for, um...authenticity"
FB: "..."
PP: "Say, that's a 'he' horse, isn't it?"
FB: "Yeah..."
PP: "Good..."
FB: "You're not gonna hurt him now..."
PP: "No, I imagine he'll quite enjoy it."
FB: "Wha.."
PP: "Here's an old gym bag full of money."
Okay, I'm pathetic.
Here's the story:
I'm now starting to reap the benefits of getting paid a third less. I'm off until January 5th. Not on vacation, I just don't need to show up. Not contracted to work those days. But I'm fucking bored. I've been off work exactly four hours; drank three beers (by myself), talked to my mom on the phone (she called-just started a new, shitty job and needs someone to talk to about it. My dad's no help because he hates his job and takes every chance he gets to bitch about it), and read some Poe (Murders of the Rue Morgue).
Starting off a holiday boring. At this rate, I'll be going to work Monday just for something to do. My boss: "What the hell are you doing here?" Me: "Ran out of beer, watched all the good porn, need something to do."
Proof that the French (which compose a whole 16th of my genetic makeup) are fucked up: "Rue Morgue." "Mortuary Street." Who the fuck names a street "Mortuary Street?" Weird bastards. Although, the statue they gave us does kick ass.
Jimmoi, you need to get your right-wing asian ass on a plane down here.
We got some beer to drink and discussions to have.
Speaking of planes, I've decided to go to Europe this spring. Why not? It's only money. Figure I'll start with the United Kingdom, for two reasons:
1) I speak the language.
2) I know a Brit.
Fuckit. Time for a shower and some prescription pain killers.
Here's the story:
I'm now starting to reap the benefits of getting paid a third less. I'm off until January 5th. Not on vacation, I just don't need to show up. Not contracted to work those days. But I'm fucking bored. I've been off work exactly four hours; drank three beers (by myself), talked to my mom on the phone (she called-just started a new, shitty job and needs someone to talk to about it. My dad's no help because he hates his job and takes every chance he gets to bitch about it), and read some Poe (Murders of the Rue Morgue).
Starting off a holiday boring. At this rate, I'll be going to work Monday just for something to do. My boss: "What the hell are you doing here?" Me: "Ran out of beer, watched all the good porn, need something to do."
Proof that the French (which compose a whole 16th of my genetic makeup) are fucked up: "Rue Morgue." "Mortuary Street." Who the fuck names a street "Mortuary Street?" Weird bastards. Although, the statue they gave us does kick ass.
We got some beer to drink and discussions to have.
Speaking of planes, I've decided to go to Europe this spring. Why not? It's only money. Figure I'll start with the United Kingdom, for two reasons:
1) I speak the language.
2) I know a Brit.
Fuckit. Time for a shower and some prescription pain killers.
December 18, 2003
I am finally compelled to post - but post of what? As of late I've had nothing to say. I didn't even have a response to Bradbury's comment about my persona under the effects of intoxication. Mind you - I wasn't piss drunk / scratch that - all I can remember is popcorn, a nice waiterman, and doughnuts. Let's go on a side tangent shall we ( reguardless of the fact that I still haven't stated a specific direction for this )
You dig my blockquote? Yeah I've been using them a lot as of late, damn you Jeff. I have decided that the reason that the board is seeing so much activity is because of Christmas. Everyone is in some god-awful holiday spirit and feel the need to communicate their happiness and joy to eachother. May I be the first to wish you all a terrible christmas, I mean it. I hope your presents are ones that you dont want, and if you do get what you want - that you forget to buy batteries and you cannot use them until some good time into the next year because every store you goto will have sold out of batteries. I hope the food you eat on christmas gives you some sort of rot-gut and you have to go to the hospital and they'll diagnose you with rot-gut cancer and say you'll only have until 2 months into the next year so you better hope some store gets some batteries. Then I hope you find yourself sexually impotent because of the rot-gut and unable to sexually perform because thats all that matters in the world is if you have sex or not. Thats right, thats what sort of holiday cheer I have for you.
And anyone who knows me knows that I'm all talk. That I'm a real nice guy. I forgive people easily and don't hold grudges. I give of my own freely ( unless it's bacon. Bacon is something else, mang ) - and when someone asks me for help, or well someone I know asks me for help, I am more than happy to ablige. There are those in the world who call me an asshole, that I do not know how to treat my friends, or that I am cold, emotionless and heartless. To these people I say you have no sense of humor, and that you deserve the fatuous bullshit filled lives you manifest onto yourselves. Those who get along with me are those who will find the humor in a man who survives three wars as a war veteran only to be run down by a sixteen year old in a van while he goes to check his mail. The sort to find humor in a young woman who loses her legs after a violent rape incident but little did the rapist know was that she had AIDS from being a prostitute, and prostitutes without legs make more money off of men with fetishes for paraplegic women : so who really got raped? The kind who will laugh at you when things are going bad for you, when you've lost all hope, and when you're having a really shitty day, but who'll help you get your mind off it all.
Shit I'm on another tangent.
Moving on.
...
Shit I've suddenly lost interest in writing anything.
One last bit - When Jimmoi comes down he's expressed interest in a paintball game.
I've talked to pinkos (and her current girlfriend ), jeff, bradbury, napster, michael, and aaron who all have showed interest in joining.
I plan to contact Mr. R, Drew, Mike Rigney, Justin/Breanna, jOe, Steven, Bonnie, and D.T. to see if they'd be interested.
Hopefully if anyone remembers " The target crew " members - see if they'd be interested as well.
meh. im going to sleep.
A little something about my first time at a bar
Well you see the thing is I'd never been to a bar, and after my first beer bonging I was saying to myself " well it is a night of firsts " - and no, I don't mean I was thinking of anal sex because I've gone down that road long long ago - I'm talking about bars. We met up with Bradbury at sharis - the one that doesn't allow smoking, where everyone who we " use to know " worked there - but now they don't so the shitty food isn't worth the shitty service. I now frequent the Shari's which allows smoking - they have a tad bit more "somber" feeling to them at 3am on a wednesday, and the regular service there already "knows" me a little bit. In any event : So after the waitress sat us down in a booth where she had to REMOVE THE WOODEN WALL FROM ( when on the other side of the resturant there was clearly empty four-person booths ) - I turned to Bradbury and said : hay, you wanna just blow this place and goto a bar?
He was hesitant at first, but after awhile when nobody showed up on time were were out of there like a chocolate cake that grew legs and a mind finding itself in the center of a fat-woman's home on a friday night. We showed up and this guy whom all I remember about him was " nice " served us beers - and I've come to actually crave the taste of guiness now : so when jim-bo gets down here we're definately going to have some dark-ales. For some damn odd reason now everytime I smell second hand smoke I have an unsatiable urge for a White Russian / Caucasian. Man thems some good drinks, we'll have to have a shitpile of those too. Anywho I've gotten bored of my bar story now.
You dig my blockquote? Yeah I've been using them a lot as of late, damn you Jeff. I have decided that the reason that the board is seeing so much activity is because of Christmas. Everyone is in some god-awful holiday spirit and feel the need to communicate their happiness and joy to eachother. May I be the first to wish you all a terrible christmas, I mean it. I hope your presents are ones that you dont want, and if you do get what you want - that you forget to buy batteries and you cannot use them until some good time into the next year because every store you goto will have sold out of batteries. I hope the food you eat on christmas gives you some sort of rot-gut and you have to go to the hospital and they'll diagnose you with rot-gut cancer and say you'll only have until 2 months into the next year so you better hope some store gets some batteries. Then I hope you find yourself sexually impotent because of the rot-gut and unable to sexually perform because thats all that matters in the world is if you have sex or not. Thats right, thats what sort of holiday cheer I have for you.
And anyone who knows me knows that I'm all talk. That I'm a real nice guy. I forgive people easily and don't hold grudges. I give of my own freely ( unless it's bacon. Bacon is something else, mang ) - and when someone asks me for help, or well someone I know asks me for help, I am more than happy to ablige. There are those in the world who call me an asshole, that I do not know how to treat my friends, or that I am cold, emotionless and heartless. To these people I say you have no sense of humor, and that you deserve the fatuous bullshit filled lives you manifest onto yourselves. Those who get along with me are those who will find the humor in a man who survives three wars as a war veteran only to be run down by a sixteen year old in a van while he goes to check his mail. The sort to find humor in a young woman who loses her legs after a violent rape incident but little did the rapist know was that she had AIDS from being a prostitute, and prostitutes without legs make more money off of men with fetishes for paraplegic women : so who really got raped? The kind who will laugh at you when things are going bad for you, when you've lost all hope, and when you're having a really shitty day, but who'll help you get your mind off it all.
Shit I'm on another tangent.
Moving on.
...
Shit I've suddenly lost interest in writing anything.
One last bit - When Jimmoi comes down he's expressed interest in a paintball game.
I've talked to pinkos (and her current girlfriend ), jeff, bradbury, napster, michael, and aaron who all have showed interest in joining.
I plan to contact Mr. R, Drew, Mike Rigney, Justin/Breanna, jOe, Steven, Bonnie, and D.T. to see if they'd be interested.
Hopefully if anyone remembers " The target crew " members - see if they'd be interested as well.
meh. im going to sleep.
[How is eight tentacles really better than two arms?]
Hahahah, that was great Jimmy... really great. Where did you find that and do you know if it's true?
Ahhh... excellent.
So yeah, I'm officially done working at the one job that I'd been working at for the last two years. Wow... times flies and all that cliché stuff. I will say though that I did enjoy it, and you feel weird when you leave a job that you actually liked. I remember when I left Target I couldn't contain my glee. I mean, I was leaving Target. I was leaving Target and I was moving on up to UW.
Now it's different though. I'm out of UW and I'm leaving a job associated with UW. It's weird cause I've defined the last couple of years of my life as a college student. Now I'm not that anymore. Meh. Not that any of you bastards care. No... too busy to take time out of your box-makin' lives to care.
Especially you Michael Collins. EVERY STEP!
The cool thing is everyone threw me this going away party... felt weird being the only one under thirty there... potentially I think I was the only one under fourty... but hey, they were all cool, and they gave me a bunch of money as a Christmas gift. Weird when people do that. Not money per se... but when they get you something when you don't expect it.
I think I'm gonna start doing that... giving gifts to people who don't expect it. Instead of all you.
Yes... especially since all James got me one year was a weird Shark thing that when you pulled the string the shark came chomping up the string after a half-eaten man.
WTF was that?!
Hehehe, you guys are great. I still have that shark thing... how funny is that? That and the gay-transgendered Power Ranger. I can't find all of his helmet though... but i still got'em.
Hurry up and get back Jimmy.
Hahahah, that was great Jimmy... really great. Where did you find that and do you know if it's true?
Ahhh... excellent.
So yeah, I'm officially done working at the one job that I'd been working at for the last two years. Wow... times flies and all that cliché stuff. I will say though that I did enjoy it, and you feel weird when you leave a job that you actually liked. I remember when I left Target I couldn't contain my glee. I mean, I was leaving Target. I was leaving Target and I was moving on up to UW.
Now it's different though. I'm out of UW and I'm leaving a job associated with UW. It's weird cause I've defined the last couple of years of my life as a college student. Now I'm not that anymore. Meh. Not that any of you bastards care. No... too busy to take time out of your box-makin' lives to care.
Especially you Michael Collins. EVERY STEP!
The cool thing is everyone threw me this going away party... felt weird being the only one under thirty there... potentially I think I was the only one under fourty... but hey, they were all cool, and they gave me a bunch of money as a Christmas gift. Weird when people do that. Not money per se... but when they get you something when you don't expect it.
I think I'm gonna start doing that... giving gifts to people who don't expect it. Instead of all you.
Yes... especially since all James got me one year was a weird Shark thing that when you pulled the string the shark came chomping up the string after a half-eaten man.
WTF was that?!
Hehehe, you guys are great. I still have that shark thing... how funny is that? That and the gay-transgendered Power Ranger. I can't find all of his helmet though... but i still got'em.
Hurry up and get back Jimmy.
[Lazer Tag]
Hmmm, yeah, it does sound interesting in that way that actions movies sound interesting. And it has Kate Beckinsale... and she is hot. Not just hot, but HOT. Maybe it's the british accent. You know, that's the real reason we came to their rescue back during WWII.
And damnit, everyone is seeing Return of the King but me... you fucks. Oh well, I read the book anyway, so I know how it ends... it's not like Peter Jackson is gonna change it on me. It's not like I find out that Frodo decides to keep the ring, puts it on, and becomes Lex Luthor, in the most insane crossever ever.
Heh, i wonder would Tolkien would do if that ever happened to his story... i mean if he were alive.
Unless he is resurrected in that new movie starring Hugh Jackman... and the only way Hugh Jackman can save the day is poppin' out with his claws and ripping Tolkien a new one.
... stop giving me that look you bastards.
It's it interesting how I've actually begun posting more now that my laptop has decided to bite it. Bah. Not that it's completely dead. Rather, I just have a thousand dollar twenty gig hard drive. Oh well, that's what I get for not buying a laptop bag and just carryin' it around in my backpack that I've had for four years.
Oh and here's something interesting for those of you who don't watch the news... (strangely I've started doing that more often as well. I think something is seriously wrong with me.) Michael Jackson decided to become Islamic last night.
Which brings me to my great idea for December:
If I ever become super wealthy and famous, I'm going to do odd and erratic things. For example, I'll randomly change my name to various things like: Joe Kickass (yes I stole it from the Simpsons, but they aren't real so ha!), Reginald Winters, Luke Groundwalker, and "The Psychologist formerly known as Luke Groundwalker".
I will also begin dangling cats out of high-story windows... Cats are funnier to watch dangling than are children, at least in my opinion.
Because when you think about it, people are going to remember Michael Jackson far more for his behavior of late than his music, not that he wasn't good.
That's all.
Hmmm, yeah, it does sound interesting in that way that actions movies sound interesting. And it has Kate Beckinsale... and she is hot. Not just hot, but HOT. Maybe it's the british accent. You know, that's the real reason we came to their rescue back during WWII.
And damnit, everyone is seeing Return of the King but me... you fucks. Oh well, I read the book anyway, so I know how it ends... it's not like Peter Jackson is gonna change it on me. It's not like I find out that Frodo decides to keep the ring, puts it on, and becomes Lex Luthor, in the most insane crossever ever.
Heh, i wonder would Tolkien would do if that ever happened to his story... i mean if he were alive.
Unless he is resurrected in that new movie starring Hugh Jackman... and the only way Hugh Jackman can save the day is poppin' out with his claws and ripping Tolkien a new one.
... stop giving me that look you bastards.
It's it interesting how I've actually begun posting more now that my laptop has decided to bite it. Bah. Not that it's completely dead. Rather, I just have a thousand dollar twenty gig hard drive. Oh well, that's what I get for not buying a laptop bag and just carryin' it around in my backpack that I've had for four years.
Oh and here's something interesting for those of you who don't watch the news... (strangely I've started doing that more often as well. I think something is seriously wrong with me.) Michael Jackson decided to become Islamic last night.
Which brings me to my great idea for December:
If I ever become super wealthy and famous, I'm going to do odd and erratic things. For example, I'll randomly change my name to various things like: Joe Kickass (yes I stole it from the Simpsons, but they aren't real so ha!), Reginald Winters, Luke Groundwalker, and "The Psychologist formerly known as Luke Groundwalker".
I will also begin dangling cats out of high-story windows... Cats are funnier to watch dangling than are children, at least in my opinion.
Because when you think about it, people are going to remember Michael Jackson far more for his behavior of late than his music, not that he wasn't good.
That's all.
December 17, 2003
You know your life has taken a drastic downturn when:
A) M. Collins has a better 18th than you did.
B) Jimmoi is surrounded by more hot tail than you are.
C) You start getting spam en español.
Wait - hold on.
A) I don't remember my 18th birthday. Judging by how things usually went on a non-birthday-night-out for me in high school, I'm guessing it was pretty wild.
B) They're the Hotties of the Frozen Tundra, and I am surrounded by MILFs and hot 24-year-old teachers.
C) Spam is less annoying when you can't understand what it is they're trying to sell you.
Hmm.....
Nope, still pretty bad.
Damn you Jimmoi, you Asian Republican, you. You need to bring some of those strippers with you when you come down here. If you come down here.
But I am looking forward to a lively political debate with you in a pub somewhere. Maybe we'll have Piss-Drunk James along again.
I must say, James hammered is really quite entertaining. And I mean that in a good way. Think about how much James notices and points out life's little idiosyncrasies sober. Now, take away higher reasoning and inhibitions. Good stuff.
A) M. Collins has a better 18th than you did.
B) Jimmoi is surrounded by more hot tail than you are.
C) You start getting spam en español.
Wait - hold on.
A) I don't remember my 18th birthday. Judging by how things usually went on a non-birthday-night-out for me in high school, I'm guessing it was pretty wild.
B) They're the Hotties of the Frozen Tundra, and I am surrounded by MILFs and hot 24-year-old teachers.
C) Spam is less annoying when you can't understand what it is they're trying to sell you.
Hmm.....
Nope, still pretty bad.
Damn you Jimmoi, you Asian Republican, you. You need to bring some of those strippers with you when you come down here. If you come down here.
But I am looking forward to a lively political debate with you in a pub somewhere. Maybe we'll have Piss-Drunk James along again.
I must say, James hammered is really quite entertaining. And I mean that in a good way. Think about how much James notices and points out life's little idiosyncrasies sober. Now, take away higher reasoning and inhibitions. Good stuff.
[IRS]
You know your life is crap when Michael Collins has a better 18th birthday out than you did when you were 18.
Damn you Michael. It will now be my life's goal to crush you at every step. EVERY STEP!
In other news...
Justin is doing okay. Not that any of you actually know, but he had some "unable to breath" problem a couple weeks back. That was the day Bonnie came by James house to visit and insisted on giving everyone hugs. Bleh. Hugs. Hugs are those things the Carebears used to kill people with. Don't be fooled. They may be called "Care"bears... but they are really Deathbears with pelts of pastel fur. Don't believe the lies.
Well anyway, I guess he went to the doctors and all they said was, "Yeah, we dont know what's wrong with you, so have an inhaler." Damn. I could be a doctor.
Anyway, he's feelin' better, so i say when Jimmy comes down for Christmas, if he does, we all get together during that week. Mucho Gusto.
And finally...
EVERY STEP Michael Collins... EVERY STEP!.
You know your life is crap when Michael Collins has a better 18th birthday out than you did when you were 18.
Damn you Michael. It will now be my life's goal to crush you at every step. EVERY STEP!
In other news...
Justin is doing okay. Not that any of you actually know, but he had some "unable to breath" problem a couple weeks back. That was the day Bonnie came by James house to visit and insisted on giving everyone hugs. Bleh. Hugs. Hugs are those things the Carebears used to kill people with. Don't be fooled. They may be called "Care"bears... but they are really Deathbears with pelts of pastel fur. Don't believe the lies.
Well anyway, I guess he went to the doctors and all they said was, "Yeah, we dont know what's wrong with you, so have an inhaler." Damn. I could be a doctor.
Anyway, he's feelin' better, so i say when Jimmy comes down for Christmas, if he does, we all get together during that week. Mucho Gusto.
And finally...
EVERY STEP Michael Collins... EVERY STEP!.
December 16, 2003
[Ask for Change]
So Michael turned 18... damn... who'd have thought that day would come. I personally thought you might die of some disease and one day when we visited Mr. J.collins, we'd see you slumped over a computer with Planetside, or whatever game it is you young'un's play nowadays...
18... meh... you'll soon find it to be a big jip, if you haven't already. All you really get to do is sign up for the draft and buy cigarettes. Look what it's done to jimmy, what with the superSMOKER that he is an all... Though i suppose it's something to do nonetheless.
Oh, and you can legally look at naked girls... like i'm sure that hasn't happened already thanks to the internet. Good ol' internet, taking away one more reason why people look forward to being 18.
I had this funny-ass picture to post, but unfortunately, I can't figure out how to do that right now, even though Jimmy told me how to. I was listening... i just didn't store it away... that and he started talking military talk - i think he was covering 'cause one of the higher-ups came into the room and he's not allowed to make them calls that he always makes.
Oh well.
Hey Bradbury, you wouldn't know how to repair defunct monitor problems would you? Or know of someone who could for a fairly reasonable price. I trust that you wouldn't ream me like most repair places would.
Bah, that's all i got for the moment.
So Michael turned 18... damn... who'd have thought that day would come. I personally thought you might die of some disease and one day when we visited Mr. J.collins, we'd see you slumped over a computer with Planetside, or whatever game it is you young'un's play nowadays...
18... meh... you'll soon find it to be a big jip, if you haven't already. All you really get to do is sign up for the draft and buy cigarettes. Look what it's done to jimmy, what with the superSMOKER that he is an all... Though i suppose it's something to do nonetheless.
Oh, and you can legally look at naked girls... like i'm sure that hasn't happened already thanks to the internet. Good ol' internet, taking away one more reason why people look forward to being 18.
I had this funny-ass picture to post, but unfortunately, I can't figure out how to do that right now, even though Jimmy told me how to. I was listening... i just didn't store it away... that and he started talking military talk - i think he was covering 'cause one of the higher-ups came into the room and he's not allowed to make them calls that he always makes.
Oh well.
Hey Bradbury, you wouldn't know how to repair defunct monitor problems would you? Or know of someone who could for a fairly reasonable price. I trust that you wouldn't ream me like most repair places would.
Bah, that's all i got for the moment.
December 15, 2003
[Pity List #4]
Before I start my rant of who should be pitied... i must apologize... for I have not posted in like a week or more because my monitor decided to go out. I suppose in reality that's my fault... my fault for stuffing my laptop in my bag crammed with a whole crap-load of other stuff (paper work, camera equipment, video tapes, etc.) Either way, I'm screwed now... because I can't use the computer... the hard drive still works, as is evidenced by the fact that I'm reading information off of it using the G5 Mac in Mary Gates Hall...
Good ol' UW Tech Fee... I knew it'd be good for something.
So now on to the fourth person who needs to be pitied... and pitied bad...
And again, as before, this is not so much a person, but persons...
this time, it's a category of person... Backers-of-the-gulity-in-the-face-of-common-sense, I call them.
Do any of you remember the story a couple of weeks ago where this 400-lb black man... and yes, before you ask, he really was four hundred pounds, according to my recollection of the story. He might be a little less, but IF i remember correctly, he was definitely above 300 pounds. Well, anyway... so this big 400-lb black guy is pulled over and the cops are prepared to arrest him for some crime, when he goes nuts and starts fighting with the cops.
In the end, the BIGman dies. And here is where my Pity fits in.
There is a whole community of people who are now crying police brutality and police crime because the BIGman died as a result of the fight between the cops. And I do mean fight. It wasn't a beating... it was a fight. The police tape seems to clearly illustrate this. Did they go a little too far... potentially... but then again... the man was 400-lbs.
And that's not all. Let's break this idiocy down a little bit.
This guy was 400-lbs of mass, filled with adrenaline, and get this... drugs... this will be important later. So this guy is zonkin' out... angry because the cops want to arrest him... and i'm sure he's wondering, "oh just what did i do wrong?"
(For information sake, I think he was driving under the influence or something... might have been speeding... don't remember). Now, a mass of 400-lbs decides to start pummeling cops. What do you do? Well, you fight back.
That's what the cops did. They fought back. Maybe they made a slight mistake by continuing to hit him while he was down... but by the looks of the tape, he wasn't exactly unconscious... he was kicking and such... and if you ANYBODY in that situation, you're adrenaline is kicked into high gear and you are fighting for survival. That means, you make sure the person who is well and above bigger than you can't get back up to knock your head in.
Seems clear cut right? Well, not so. Apparently the community of people are outraged. "YOU KILLED HIM!" they shout. Fine... they are hurt and angry and untrusting. It's prolly a community that has had problems in the past with the police... Fine. Question things... FINE. But do not... DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING: "He was such a gentle man, who never hurt anyone, and wouldn't hurt anyone... and was innocent."
No. NO NO NO. NO! I myself may or may not agree that the fight got out of hand. But the man was NOT INNOCENT. Why do people ALWAYS say that. "He was innocent!" "He was misunderstood!" He was misunderstood probably because as crime lab toxicology reports showed, he was doped up on heroin or crack. D'oh. Real innocent there. He had priors for being physically aggressive. A man that big... oooh, big surprise. He prolly has the adrenaline and testosterone levels equalling the entire state of Rhode Island. Big suprirse that he might get a little... miffed.
This are the people I pity. Pity too ignorant to realize that, while yes maybe he didn't deserve to die... neither did the cops who were doing their job. Think about it. If a 400-lb man came charging at you like a raging bull, wouldn't you do everything in your power to make sure you are safe?? Especially if he's drugged out and doesn't feel pain like a normal person would.
For those of us who know him... think of jOe. If jOe was hopped up on an overdose of heroin-laced twinkies and came lunging at us like a lunatic... who would sit there and take it? Who'd reason with him? I think Steve-o knows best what a raging jOe is like, choking the life out of you? Yea, jOe's a kind-hearted guy... but if something makes him snap... he'll kill you and you'll try to defend yourself.
For the people who were saying, "OOOH the police are evil and they hate us and they are brutal..." Think before you say stuff. Yes, some police are brutal and need to be put in check... but not every situation is another example of Police Brutality. Not every situation involving the police will end up being a Rodney King.
I really pity you.
Before I start my rant of who should be pitied... i must apologize... for I have not posted in like a week or more because my monitor decided to go out. I suppose in reality that's my fault... my fault for stuffing my laptop in my bag crammed with a whole crap-load of other stuff (paper work, camera equipment, video tapes, etc.) Either way, I'm screwed now... because I can't use the computer... the hard drive still works, as is evidenced by the fact that I'm reading information off of it using the G5 Mac in Mary Gates Hall...
Good ol' UW Tech Fee... I knew it'd be good for something.
So now on to the fourth person who needs to be pitied... and pitied bad...
And again, as before, this is not so much a person, but persons...
this time, it's a category of person... Backers-of-the-gulity-in-the-face-of-common-sense, I call them.
Do any of you remember the story a couple of weeks ago where this 400-lb black man... and yes, before you ask, he really was four hundred pounds, according to my recollection of the story. He might be a little less, but IF i remember correctly, he was definitely above 300 pounds. Well, anyway... so this big 400-lb black guy is pulled over and the cops are prepared to arrest him for some crime, when he goes nuts and starts fighting with the cops.
In the end, the BIGman dies. And here is where my Pity fits in.
There is a whole community of people who are now crying police brutality and police crime because the BIGman died as a result of the fight between the cops. And I do mean fight. It wasn't a beating... it was a fight. The police tape seems to clearly illustrate this. Did they go a little too far... potentially... but then again... the man was 400-lbs.
And that's not all. Let's break this idiocy down a little bit.
This guy was 400-lbs of mass, filled with adrenaline, and get this... drugs... this will be important later. So this guy is zonkin' out... angry because the cops want to arrest him... and i'm sure he's wondering, "oh just what did i do wrong?"
(For information sake, I think he was driving under the influence or something... might have been speeding... don't remember). Now, a mass of 400-lbs decides to start pummeling cops. What do you do? Well, you fight back.
That's what the cops did. They fought back. Maybe they made a slight mistake by continuing to hit him while he was down... but by the looks of the tape, he wasn't exactly unconscious... he was kicking and such... and if you ANYBODY in that situation, you're adrenaline is kicked into high gear and you are fighting for survival. That means, you make sure the person who is well and above bigger than you can't get back up to knock your head in.
Seems clear cut right? Well, not so. Apparently the community of people are outraged. "YOU KILLED HIM!" they shout. Fine... they are hurt and angry and untrusting. It's prolly a community that has had problems in the past with the police... Fine. Question things... FINE. But do not... DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING: "He was such a gentle man, who never hurt anyone, and wouldn't hurt anyone... and was innocent."
No. NO NO NO. NO! I myself may or may not agree that the fight got out of hand. But the man was NOT INNOCENT. Why do people ALWAYS say that. "He was innocent!" "He was misunderstood!" He was misunderstood probably because as crime lab toxicology reports showed, he was doped up on heroin or crack. D'oh. Real innocent there. He had priors for being physically aggressive. A man that big... oooh, big surprise. He prolly has the adrenaline and testosterone levels equalling the entire state of Rhode Island. Big suprirse that he might get a little... miffed.
This are the people I pity. Pity too ignorant to realize that, while yes maybe he didn't deserve to die... neither did the cops who were doing their job. Think about it. If a 400-lb man came charging at you like a raging bull, wouldn't you do everything in your power to make sure you are safe?? Especially if he's drugged out and doesn't feel pain like a normal person would.
For those of us who know him... think of jOe. If jOe was hopped up on an overdose of heroin-laced twinkies and came lunging at us like a lunatic... who would sit there and take it? Who'd reason with him? I think Steve-o knows best what a raging jOe is like, choking the life out of you? Yea, jOe's a kind-hearted guy... but if something makes him snap... he'll kill you and you'll try to defend yourself.
For the people who were saying, "OOOH the police are evil and they hate us and they are brutal..." Think before you say stuff. Yes, some police are brutal and need to be put in check... but not every situation is another example of Police Brutality. Not every situation involving the police will end up being a Rodney King.
I really pity you.
December 13, 2003
1. Michael Moore is a fucking jackass who's idea of " debate " is knocking on someone's door at 4am in the morning and when they, disgruntled - decide to yell at him and slam the door in his face / cuts the video footage to look like they were, in fact, just reacting to " HEY DO YOU THINK THAT STARVING CHILDREN IN BOSWANIA SHOULD BE LEFT TO ROT IN THE STREETS WHERE PIGEONS FEAST ON THEIR EYEBALLS? " -- his documentary which won awards " Bowling for Columbine " didn't even fell like a fuckin' documentary, more of a propoganda film. Also : he is fat. Jimmoi should make a documentary about how fat people are fat, and the world would be a better place if we started a new national socialism government but instead of "the jewish problem" it would be "the obecity problem"
2. FUCK BUBBA HOTEP. THIS MOVIE WILL BE THE BEST CINEMATIC EVENT IN ALL OF HISTORY. OMG OMG OMG.
2. FUCK BUBBA HOTEP. THIS MOVIE WILL BE THE BEST CINEMATIC EVENT IN ALL OF HISTORY. OMG OMG OMG.
December 09, 2003
[Jeff's Pity List #3]
Yeeup, it's that time again kiddies... time for another edition of the Pity List, as I list another person who should be Pitied for the pathetic pieces of crap that they are.
Well, this time, the foo to be a'pitying isn't one person... not even two... but three foo's to be pitied. And those fools are the cast of the News Show: "Good Day Live": Steve, Dorothy, and Jillian.
Now we all know and have come to love with a pinch o' hate the news programs that we see on Q13 Fox. And as for Jimmy, I'm sure he has some Alaskan Q13 Fox... probably with anchors that are also Frozen Hotties of the Tundra, or whatever he calls it...
... and we know just how much the news anchors on that news show sucks. We know how much I hate them. We know that rabbits on crack could do a more accurate job of reporting the news... and we know that there can be no worse news program on Earth.
WE ARE WRONG.
For the forces of evil and vileness have decided that the toxic waste of reporting put forth by Fox and Geraldo was just not enough. Now they have the program: Good Day Live.
Consider it a mix between the Fifth Wheel (if any of you have ever seen it) and Q13 Fox. The show is hosted by an old man named Steve Edwards, along with his blonde sexy co-hosts Dorothy Lucey and Jillian Barberie... both of who i would really call all that sexy. Okay okay, MAYBE Dorothy Lucey is sorta hot... but the moment her personality and lack of intellect shine through, she loses the sorta hotness and just becomes annoying.
First lets start with Mr. Steve Edwards. This guy... you have to admit has something going on for him. He's probably 90 years old... okay maybe he's not that old... but still... he's an old man who prolly has a viagra-pump hooked directly into his heart, hosting a show along side two women who are young enough to be his daughters. He tries to act cool and hip, and the scary thing is that if it weren't for his obvious age, he could probably actually pull it off.
So what's the problem with this? HE'S A NEWS ANCHOR! You aren't really supposed to be cool when you host the news. It's not in the job description for a reason. Be charming, fine. Be warm, fine. Be attractive, fine. But you're not supposed to be cool. If you're cool, then your not an unbiased or reliable source of information. Cool ? Reliable! How often do we have to learn this lesson people?!
After good ol' Steve Edwards, let's take it up a notch. Dorothy Lucey. Now, to be honest, I don't really know much about her, because of the three of them, she's the most tolerable. My remarks earlier were probably a bit harsh, but deserved since she's decided to cast her lot with these two other rejects. She's got the looks to be a good journalist: i.e. attractive and yet professional looking. Too bad that's all she's got. She at least makes the good sense judgement to remain fairly quiet on the program - at least during the few times i've seen this godforsaken show.
And then there was Jillian Barberie. Let me point out one highlight which should make it obvious why she should not be anchoring for a news program: Barberie’s talent beyond Good Day LA has earned her special appearances on various television shows. She has a recurring role as “Foxy Levin” on V.I.P. with Pamela Anderson. That was taking from her bio on the official site. FROM HER BIO!? OOooooh, aren't we special... we played a blonde bimbo on a show with PAMELA ANDERSON!! And she is now anchoring for the NEWS?! C'mon people? We might as get Carrot Top to start doing the traffic reports!
You should see this trio in action on the news. Barberie is loud and annoying and makes stupid jokes, like those seen on her "eX-treme dating" show... I sat through one of those shows... and let me tell you that along with Mi-2, that was a complete waste of my life that i'll never get back... Damn, why can't there be any good late night tv shows.
The worse thing is that supposedly this show is spreading across the US like locusts. Apparenty they started in a small town and have since grown to being show in cities all over the US. Thus, if Jimmy isn't seeing it yet in Alaska, it's only a matter of time before they hook a cable up to a moose for better reception and get this show tuned in. Oh Jimmy, I betcha can't wait.
Why oh why is this crap on TV?! Pity these people... for they must be pitied... and pitied soon.
Oh, i suppose for good measure, i should put up a link to their site...
but i won't. HAHAHAHA... oh here, http://www.gooddaylive.com
It's not a link, because I didn't want to make it a link. You lazy bastards will have to copy and paste if you want it. If not... believe me, you're not missing much.
Yeeup, it's that time again kiddies... time for another edition of the Pity List, as I list another person who should be Pitied for the pathetic pieces of crap that they are.
Well, this time, the foo to be a'pitying isn't one person... not even two... but three foo's to be pitied. And those fools are the cast of the News Show: "Good Day Live": Steve, Dorothy, and Jillian.
Now we all know and have come to love with a pinch o' hate the news programs that we see on Q13 Fox. And as for Jimmy, I'm sure he has some Alaskan Q13 Fox... probably with anchors that are also Frozen Hotties of the Tundra, or whatever he calls it...
... and we know just how much the news anchors on that news show sucks. We know how much I hate them. We know that rabbits on crack could do a more accurate job of reporting the news... and we know that there can be no worse news program on Earth.
WE ARE WRONG.
For the forces of evil and vileness have decided that the toxic waste of reporting put forth by Fox and Geraldo was just not enough. Now they have the program: Good Day Live.
Consider it a mix between the Fifth Wheel (if any of you have ever seen it) and Q13 Fox. The show is hosted by an old man named Steve Edwards, along with his blonde sexy co-hosts Dorothy Lucey and Jillian Barberie... both of who i would really call all that sexy. Okay okay, MAYBE Dorothy Lucey is sorta hot... but the moment her personality and lack of intellect shine through, she loses the sorta hotness and just becomes annoying.
First lets start with Mr. Steve Edwards. This guy... you have to admit has something going on for him. He's probably 90 years old... okay maybe he's not that old... but still... he's an old man who prolly has a viagra-pump hooked directly into his heart, hosting a show along side two women who are young enough to be his daughters. He tries to act cool and hip, and the scary thing is that if it weren't for his obvious age, he could probably actually pull it off.
So what's the problem with this? HE'S A NEWS ANCHOR! You aren't really supposed to be cool when you host the news. It's not in the job description for a reason. Be charming, fine. Be warm, fine. Be attractive, fine. But you're not supposed to be cool. If you're cool, then your not an unbiased or reliable source of information. Cool ? Reliable! How often do we have to learn this lesson people?!
After good ol' Steve Edwards, let's take it up a notch. Dorothy Lucey. Now, to be honest, I don't really know much about her, because of the three of them, she's the most tolerable. My remarks earlier were probably a bit harsh, but deserved since she's decided to cast her lot with these two other rejects. She's got the looks to be a good journalist: i.e. attractive and yet professional looking. Too bad that's all she's got. She at least makes the good sense judgement to remain fairly quiet on the program - at least during the few times i've seen this godforsaken show.
And then there was Jillian Barberie. Let me point out one highlight which should make it obvious why she should not be anchoring for a news program: Barberie’s talent beyond Good Day LA has earned her special appearances on various television shows. She has a recurring role as “Foxy Levin” on V.I.P. with Pamela Anderson. That was taking from her bio on the official site. FROM HER BIO!? OOooooh, aren't we special... we played a blonde bimbo on a show with PAMELA ANDERSON!! And she is now anchoring for the NEWS?! C'mon people? We might as get Carrot Top to start doing the traffic reports!
You should see this trio in action on the news. Barberie is loud and annoying and makes stupid jokes, like those seen on her "eX-treme dating" show... I sat through one of those shows... and let me tell you that along with Mi-2, that was a complete waste of my life that i'll never get back... Damn, why can't there be any good late night tv shows.
The worse thing is that supposedly this show is spreading across the US like locusts. Apparenty they started in a small town and have since grown to being show in cities all over the US. Thus, if Jimmy isn't seeing it yet in Alaska, it's only a matter of time before they hook a cable up to a moose for better reception and get this show tuned in. Oh Jimmy, I betcha can't wait.
Why oh why is this crap on TV?! Pity these people... for they must be pitied... and pitied soon.
Oh, i suppose for good measure, i should put up a link to their site...
but i won't. HAHAHAHA... oh here, http://www.gooddaylive.com
It's not a link, because I didn't want to make it a link. You lazy bastards will have to copy and paste if you want it. If not... believe me, you're not missing much.
December 08, 2003
December 07, 2003
The Lessarm Home.
volunteering to go to the desert. after watching one too many episodes of BAND OF BRUTHAS - which in fact is actually band of brothers but throughout the whole show I enjoyed thinking of it being bruthas and all of the main characters being black people and saying things like " SNIPER ON THE ROOF, NIGGA " and " I GOT YO BACK " and introducing eachother from where they are from with names like " Compton " and " South Bronx " and eating government chicken and watermellon - however I digress.
As to my insinuation as to running to the military like a little schoolboy who gets picked on everyday and then runs home to mommy and cries and then his father ( the US MILITARY ) comes out and lays down the law on the boy and beats his ass blue ... shit I'm going off topic again. We'll deal with something simple. Movie Reviews.
- Twenty one grams -
in this film you'll find yourself, for the first half of the film, confused on what exactly is going on with the 'timeline' of the film. Initially I thought that it was going in reverse - like memento : but around halfway through the film you realise that it is just 'chopped up' like pulp fiction - only not as good. Benicio del Toro plays an ex-con who crossed-over. Some of his lines about Jesus, God, and Faith are lines that will forever haunt my memory - and he does a most excellent job of acting them out. I actually have heard rumors of Academy nominations floating around in the air. Some girl's husband and children dies and she becomes a widow - and man oh man is that god damned widow fuckin' hawt. Turns out she falls in love with this duder who isnt that good looking at all and throughout the whole film I kept thinking to myself " Ah man I am so much better looking than that guy, c'mon - you know your hawt widow ass is yearning for a good dickfuck, why not come over to my place " - but unfortunately I didnt speak those things outloud and only thought them - and also : the widow couldn't read minds so she never really did consider coming over. In any event : things happen in the movie, and it is really dramatic. In the long run it is a really good film if you want a real good 'reality' movie. If you wanted things to explode, chase scenes that drag on longer than ten minutes, or some sort *SUPER COOL ACTION* - skip it. If you want a movie that even made me feel ( if just a tiny bit ) remorse and sorrow for lives of other people, this movie is for you.
- Thirteen -
Imagine that you're a woman for an instant. And if you're already female, imagine that you're not the stupid fucking cunt that you are and imagine that you're some other woman that I'm about to describe to you. Imagine that you're in your thirties or fourties and you have a younger daughter who is, in what I like to call "Prime Insemenation Years", Thirteen years of age. Now imagine this bitch wants to be little miss popular and fit in with all the girls who sleep with black men. You're spending your time smoking cigarettes and trying to raise your child on your own - all the while trying to fuck some guy ... I don't know exactly what was going on because I was too busy having it play on fast forward x4. Let me tell you something about fast forward x4 - its twice as fast as x2, and you still get to hear the people talking while you watch the film. So you get a calvin/chipmunks effect. Throughout the whole film you get to watch some whiny little whore complain about the following things : not fitting in, what clothes she has to wear, her mother, her period, makeup, her little brother, blah blah blah blah. All of this until she meets some cool girl and steals a wallet from some old lady and they " GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!! " - where they buy six pairs of shoes a piece and she finally gets accepted into the cool club. The rest of the movie goes downhill because she doesn't get raped - finds solace in drugs, tries to commit suicide because her cool friend fucks some black man, and something something I dont know I didnt pay attention. If you are looking for a movie that'll waste a good part of your life that you can never get back, although is a good movie to say that you saw and that it really opened your eyes to the trials and tribulations in which a woman goes through at a young age so that you can get some bitch to suck your cock - it's a great movie. Shit. Maybe if you're a woman you could wear a strap-on and she can suck your plastic ( are they made of plastic? ) dong and you can call her a dirty slut, but then you'd have already been 13 and you could bond with her on an entirely different level than some man.
- Kill Bill VOLUME FUCKING ONE -
I'm going to say this here and now, anyone who says Kill Bill is better than Pulp Fiction is a " ITS NEW SO IT HAS TO BE BETTER " cuntbag who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the wall. Uma Thurman ( you'll notice she is in the writing credits ) was terribly miscast in this film. Of course, I am not an Uma Thurman fanboy who wants to bend her over sappy tree stumps. Lucy Liu, however - is one hot woman. I found her extremely attractive in Payback. Speaking of Payback, between the two of them ( Kill Bill or Payback ) - I'd rather watch Payback, I'm not exactly a Mel Gizzy fan but fuckin Lucy Liu is hot in that film too. Jesus fuckin' christ Lucy Liu is hot. Um, yeah. This film has action and swords. Speaking of swords . . .
- Azumi -
Now if you want some sword fighting action, this is your god damned film. Directed by Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura and shown with subtitles this movie is fucking badass. It has swords, it has blood, it has assassins and ninjas. It has poor innocent people being slaughtered by bandits with swords of doom and Azumi isn't that bad of a looker herself ( although definately not as good looking as Lucy Liu ) - in any event I saw this movie and thought to myself " This is the movie that Kill Bill attempted to emulate " - and it holds true to it's genre. Kitamura also did another film by the name of Versus, which I am most definately going to have to see.
Next up will be Scary Movie 3 and The Last Samurai.
volunteering to go to the desert. after watching one too many episodes of BAND OF BRUTHAS - which in fact is actually band of brothers but throughout the whole show I enjoyed thinking of it being bruthas and all of the main characters being black people and saying things like " SNIPER ON THE ROOF, NIGGA " and " I GOT YO BACK " and introducing eachother from where they are from with names like " Compton " and " South Bronx " and eating government chicken and watermellon - however I digress.
As to my insinuation as to running to the military like a little schoolboy who gets picked on everyday and then runs home to mommy and cries and then his father ( the US MILITARY ) comes out and lays down the law on the boy and beats his ass blue ... shit I'm going off topic again. We'll deal with something simple. Movie Reviews.
in this film you'll find yourself, for the first half of the film, confused on what exactly is going on with the 'timeline' of the film. Initially I thought that it was going in reverse - like memento : but around halfway through the film you realise that it is just 'chopped up' like pulp fiction - only not as good. Benicio del Toro plays an ex-con who crossed-over. Some of his lines about Jesus, God, and Faith are lines that will forever haunt my memory - and he does a most excellent job of acting them out. I actually have heard rumors of Academy nominations floating around in the air. Some girl's husband and children dies and she becomes a widow - and man oh man is that god damned widow fuckin' hawt. Turns out she falls in love with this duder who isnt that good looking at all and throughout the whole film I kept thinking to myself " Ah man I am so much better looking than that guy, c'mon - you know your hawt widow ass is yearning for a good dickfuck, why not come over to my place " - but unfortunately I didnt speak those things outloud and only thought them - and also : the widow couldn't read minds so she never really did consider coming over. In any event : things happen in the movie, and it is really dramatic. In the long run it is a really good film if you want a real good 'reality' movie. If you wanted things to explode, chase scenes that drag on longer than ten minutes, or some sort *SUPER COOL ACTION* - skip it. If you want a movie that even made me feel ( if just a tiny bit ) remorse and sorrow for lives of other people, this movie is for you.
- Thirteen -
Imagine that you're a woman for an instant. And if you're already female, imagine that you're not the stupid fucking cunt that you are and imagine that you're some other woman that I'm about to describe to you. Imagine that you're in your thirties or fourties and you have a younger daughter who is, in what I like to call "Prime Insemenation Years", Thirteen years of age. Now imagine this bitch wants to be little miss popular and fit in with all the girls who sleep with black men. You're spending your time smoking cigarettes and trying to raise your child on your own - all the while trying to fuck some guy ... I don't know exactly what was going on because I was too busy having it play on fast forward x4. Let me tell you something about fast forward x4 - its twice as fast as x2, and you still get to hear the people talking while you watch the film. So you get a calvin/chipmunks effect. Throughout the whole film you get to watch some whiny little whore complain about the following things : not fitting in, what clothes she has to wear, her mother, her period, makeup, her little brother, blah blah blah blah. All of this until she meets some cool girl and steals a wallet from some old lady and they " GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!! " - where they buy six pairs of shoes a piece and she finally gets accepted into the cool club. The rest of the movie goes downhill because she doesn't get raped - finds solace in drugs, tries to commit suicide because her cool friend fucks some black man, and something something I dont know I didnt pay attention. If you are looking for a movie that'll waste a good part of your life that you can never get back, although is a good movie to say that you saw and that it really opened your eyes to the trials and tribulations in which a woman goes through at a young age so that you can get some bitch to suck your cock - it's a great movie. Shit. Maybe if you're a woman you could wear a strap-on and she can suck your plastic ( are they made of plastic? ) dong and you can call her a dirty slut, but then you'd have already been 13 and you could bond with her on an entirely different level than some man.
- Kill Bill VOLUME FUCKING ONE -
I'm going to say this here and now, anyone who says Kill Bill is better than Pulp Fiction is a " ITS NEW SO IT HAS TO BE BETTER " cuntbag who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the wall. Uma Thurman ( you'll notice she is in the writing credits ) was terribly miscast in this film. Of course, I am not an Uma Thurman fanboy who wants to bend her over sappy tree stumps. Lucy Liu, however - is one hot woman. I found her extremely attractive in Payback. Speaking of Payback, between the two of them ( Kill Bill or Payback ) - I'd rather watch Payback, I'm not exactly a Mel Gizzy fan but fuckin Lucy Liu is hot in that film too. Jesus fuckin' christ Lucy Liu is hot. Um, yeah. This film has action and swords. Speaking of swords . . .
- Azumi -
Now if you want some sword fighting action, this is your god damned film. Directed by Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura and shown with subtitles this movie is fucking badass. It has swords, it has blood, it has assassins and ninjas. It has poor innocent people being slaughtered by bandits with swords of doom and Azumi isn't that bad of a looker herself ( although definately not as good looking as Lucy Liu ) - in any event I saw this movie and thought to myself " This is the movie that Kill Bill attempted to emulate " - and it holds true to it's genre. Kitamura also did another film by the name of Versus, which I am most definately going to have to see.
Next up will be Scary Movie 3 and The Last Samurai.
December 06, 2003
December 05, 2003
December 02, 2003
Yeah...movie nitrous.
Everyone now equates all nitrous oxide with NOS (a brand name). It's like Kleenex.
But the way they show nitrous in the movies - pure crap.
I'll have to get my bottle filled and show you guys what it's really like. Sure, its a nice hand-of-god acceleration compared to what you get without it, but for the kind of money the movie cars have sunk in to them, there are much better ways of going fast.
Not to mention, NOS is only good for drag racing. Straight lines. No where do people actually road race (that is, go around corners) with nitrous.
Everyone now equates all nitrous oxide with NOS (a brand name). It's like Kleenex.
But the way they show nitrous in the movies - pure crap.
I'll have to get my bottle filled and show you guys what it's really like. Sure, its a nice hand-of-god acceleration compared to what you get without it, but for the kind of money the movie cars have sunk in to them, there are much better ways of going fast.
Not to mention, NOS is only good for drag racing. Straight lines. No where do people actually road race (that is, go around corners) with nitrous.
[Jeff's Pity List #2]
Now, I know you were all thinking that the next person on my list would be Nelly...
And in truth, it was supposed to be, but that got messed up because I decided he was a special case to be focused on.
So instead, the next person on the Pity List will be none other than Mr. Fast and Furious himself: Paul Walker.
"Paul Walker", you ask... "Why Paul Walker?"
Well, watch JOY RIDE, and then you'll have yourselves an answer... as if Fast and Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious weren't bad enough.
First of all, let's talk about 2 Fast 2 Furious, as I always meant to talk about that piece of crap, but never got around to it.
How to start off... well first of all... 2 Fast 2 Furious already blows by removing the one actor who actually had some... resounance, in the first movie. Vin Diesel.
With him gone, your left with Paul Walker. Oh, and that other black guy... I don't remember his name. I think it was Tyrese... but I don't really remember, nor do I give a crap.
So the movie starts off with a street race, which is appropriate enough I suppose, since the movie is about illegal street racing...
and the illegal street race, which i must point out at this point must be being hosted by Bill Gates, because these people all have suped-up cars... like... I know people who street race want nice cars... i understand that. I sympathize with that... but these cars... had so much work done to them, that you have to wonder what these people do for a living to be able to afford it - and this question will come again in a second.
So Paul Walker strolls in... er, drives in... err... fast and furiously flies in with his car, and the race starts...
... and the movie takes a downhill plunge from that point on.
During the race, they seem to find all the back streets throughout Miami that have absolutely no other cars, no other cops, no other pedestrians... AT ALL. I know it's late at night... but walk around any city, ANY WHERE, and there will be SOMEBODY... SOME CAR... around. But not in the FAST AND FURIOUS city of MIAMI... WHOOOSH!
I mean... they are driving everywhere, taking turns... all that good stuff. Now at least in the first movie, they kept it to a straight-away. For illegal street racing, that just makes more sense. Well, with Vin Diesel gone, that small shred of common sense went with him.
Then during the race comes the NOS. We all remember NOS, don't we kiddies? Well, they sure do. Bam! It's NOS time... which translates to... Bam! It's WARP SPEED TIME!
Seriously. Once you hit the NOS, the surrounding environment becomes lots of tiny little blurs and you begin to travel the speed of light. Hah Einstein, your little theory of realitivity didn't take into account for NOS, did it?! Didn't think so.
Well, there are so many other bad points to this movie that I should really continue this review in a separate post, something titled, the truth about NOS... VROOOM!
Plus it's getting off topic... about how Paul Walker is a horrid actor and a horrid human being, and we should pity him for his patheticness.
Now he's making Timeline. I can only imagine how horrible he's gonna muck that up. I bet he travels back in time... fastly and furiously.
At least one thing is good. He turned down the offer to be Superman for the next Superman movie. One reason... he didn't want to tarnish his reputation cause he wants to make lots of money. (Too late there asshole!) His second reason... he thought Aquaman was better than Superman.
Fuck you Walker! I'm not a die-hard fan of Superman... but AQUAMAN?! What the hell? For the longest time Aquaman was a little pansy sea-version of Superman. If you thought Superman was a boyscout... then AQUAMAN was the gay boy-scout leader. Then DC decides to up the ante by makin' him edgier with that hook for a hand. Yeah... and giving him long hair. Yeah... that really works... real FAST AND FURIOUS! AQUAMAN. I was hoping he would have said Batman... or Wolverine... or even BIRDMAN. BIRDMAN beats AQUAMAN. That's how sad AQUAMAN is. Oh, I can communicate with Dolphins...
Now, don't get me wrong, I like Dolphins enough. Smart creatures and all... but when you're fighting DarkSeid or some hostile alien force, you tell me how a fuckin' Dolphin or Shark is going to help you.
AQUAMAN: Must fight flying saucer... but too weak... must call on the Dolphins...
~Dolphins... attack flying saucer for me... jump... jump high...~
DOLPHIN: ~I hate you AQUAMAN. Slave-master Bastard~
I hope, in all honesty, that they decide to make a movie about AQUAMAN, so that Paul Walker will play the role, and this way the world will see just how much both Paul Walker AND Aquaman suck. And this time Paul Walker will suck underwater, instead of on the streets of mythical Miami, a city so happenin' and lively, that people apparently go to sleep once the sun goes down, to make room for the thousands and thousands of rich street racers, led by Ludacris (which i have to say, was the only redeemable character in the movie).
I hate you Paul Walker. I hate you, and I Pity You.
Now, I know you were all thinking that the next person on my list would be Nelly...
And in truth, it was supposed to be, but that got messed up because I decided he was a special case to be focused on.
So instead, the next person on the Pity List will be none other than Mr. Fast and Furious himself: Paul Walker.
"Paul Walker", you ask... "Why Paul Walker?"
Well, watch JOY RIDE, and then you'll have yourselves an answer... as if Fast and Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious weren't bad enough.
First of all, let's talk about 2 Fast 2 Furious, as I always meant to talk about that piece of crap, but never got around to it.
How to start off... well first of all... 2 Fast 2 Furious already blows by removing the one actor who actually had some... resounance, in the first movie. Vin Diesel.
With him gone, your left with Paul Walker. Oh, and that other black guy... I don't remember his name. I think it was Tyrese... but I don't really remember, nor do I give a crap.
So the movie starts off with a street race, which is appropriate enough I suppose, since the movie is about illegal street racing...
and the illegal street race, which i must point out at this point must be being hosted by Bill Gates, because these people all have suped-up cars... like... I know people who street race want nice cars... i understand that. I sympathize with that... but these cars... had so much work done to them, that you have to wonder what these people do for a living to be able to afford it - and this question will come again in a second.
So Paul Walker strolls in... er, drives in... err... fast and furiously flies in with his car, and the race starts...
... and the movie takes a downhill plunge from that point on.
During the race, they seem to find all the back streets throughout Miami that have absolutely no other cars, no other cops, no other pedestrians... AT ALL. I know it's late at night... but walk around any city, ANY WHERE, and there will be SOMEBODY... SOME CAR... around. But not in the FAST AND FURIOUS city of MIAMI... WHOOOSH!
I mean... they are driving everywhere, taking turns... all that good stuff. Now at least in the first movie, they kept it to a straight-away. For illegal street racing, that just makes more sense. Well, with Vin Diesel gone, that small shred of common sense went with him.
Then during the race comes the NOS. We all remember NOS, don't we kiddies? Well, they sure do. Bam! It's NOS time... which translates to... Bam! It's WARP SPEED TIME!
Seriously. Once you hit the NOS, the surrounding environment becomes lots of tiny little blurs and you begin to travel the speed of light. Hah Einstein, your little theory of realitivity didn't take into account for NOS, did it?! Didn't think so.
Well, there are so many other bad points to this movie that I should really continue this review in a separate post, something titled, the truth about NOS... VROOOM!
Plus it's getting off topic... about how Paul Walker is a horrid actor and a horrid human being, and we should pity him for his patheticness.
Now he's making Timeline. I can only imagine how horrible he's gonna muck that up. I bet he travels back in time... fastly and furiously.
At least one thing is good. He turned down the offer to be Superman for the next Superman movie. One reason... he didn't want to tarnish his reputation cause he wants to make lots of money. (Too late there asshole!) His second reason... he thought Aquaman was better than Superman.
Fuck you Walker! I'm not a die-hard fan of Superman... but AQUAMAN?! What the hell? For the longest time Aquaman was a little pansy sea-version of Superman. If you thought Superman was a boyscout... then AQUAMAN was the gay boy-scout leader. Then DC decides to up the ante by makin' him edgier with that hook for a hand. Yeah... and giving him long hair. Yeah... that really works... real FAST AND FURIOUS! AQUAMAN. I was hoping he would have said Batman... or Wolverine... or even BIRDMAN. BIRDMAN beats AQUAMAN. That's how sad AQUAMAN is. Oh, I can communicate with Dolphins...
Now, don't get me wrong, I like Dolphins enough. Smart creatures and all... but when you're fighting DarkSeid or some hostile alien force, you tell me how a fuckin' Dolphin or Shark is going to help you.
AQUAMAN: Must fight flying saucer... but too weak... must call on the Dolphins...
~Dolphins... attack flying saucer for me... jump... jump high...~
DOLPHIN: ~I hate you AQUAMAN. Slave-master Bastard~
I hope, in all honesty, that they decide to make a movie about AQUAMAN, so that Paul Walker will play the role, and this way the world will see just how much both Paul Walker AND Aquaman suck. And this time Paul Walker will suck underwater, instead of on the streets of mythical Miami, a city so happenin' and lively, that people apparently go to sleep once the sun goes down, to make room for the thousands and thousands of rich street racers, led by Ludacris (which i have to say, was the only redeemable character in the movie).
I hate you Paul Walker. I hate you, and I Pity You.
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