tedium ...


thats what it is. tedium. my life is too full of tedium, making my life tedious. and slow. slow... the world seems to be going too slow today. and tedious. it washes over me like water over sand. it permeates my soul - swishes through each grain that is my psyche - and leaves it wet. wet with boredom. wet with a horrible pang of isolation. wait. maybe not isolation. it's a pang though. like hunger pangs, it sits there inside of you and gnaws away. gnaws on almost everything you think, you say, you hear or see. it gnaws and gnaws like another entity within yourself, a being of its own volition. if my life were a room, the pangs would be in the corner - hiding - waiting until times like this so it can come out and feast upon that which is my insides.

" Hey, I'm here to fix the television "

it has been awhile since I watched a ponography film. they've always got such fun plots. I think all cultures should be judged by what sort of pornography they allow to proliferate their society. Pornography is sort of the " pangs " for humanity. The dark side that nobody likes to talk about - but everyone has a little secret part of them that thrives off of it / reguardless of religion, creed, or ilk. It's the animal in them. the untamed hedonistic side. It is the side that I keep in check at all time. I use to call it " bad james " but I slowly came to realize that I am me, and I have to start living with that fact. I cannot isolate myself from myself or parts of myself which I dislike. I glance at the time since I started this ... and It bothers me further.

" nobody loved him nobody understood his troubled ideas that poured from his mind he tried his best to make them accept his ways to make them see that he was not different than them but they all laughed and threw wild apes at him because he had a pig nose "

that is from a comic I drew about a boy with a pig nose. it was just a normal person with a round nose and two dots in the middle that looked like a pig-nose so I wrote that about him. I laughed at him too. who wouldnt? he looks funny - with a pig nose and everything. I would have thrown wild apes at him as well - so would you - we all would - it's our nature. a lot of things are our nature. I believe that's why we build our enviroments around us, be it internal or external. To escape " our nature " - the part of us that just is without our bothering to tend to it.

I have a new background for my website. it shows a bit of nudity. I wont post it on the board. I wont be posting pornography on the board much anymore. Or maybe I will, just to make myself a liar. today is slow. and tedious. I probably shouldnt be on the phone so that *PEOPLE* can call me. oh well. too bad so sad.

I'm done.