November 30, 2001

quick note :

dont mess with the "search archive" dealy.
I have to re-.... whatever the fuck word was,
where it t....
index.
i have to re-index the website.
thats right.
bitch.

fuck off.
I AM 18% GEEK.



I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would
I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun?
I should try writting an online test application at 1
am in my underwear.


Take the GEEK Test at Fuali.com!



I am 23% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.



I am amazed that I even found this test. This is my first time online, isn't it great, I figured out this AOL-thing! But I don't quite know how to turn the computer off.


Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!


I am 39% Metal-Head.



Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts.


Take the Metal-Head Test at Fuali.com!










I am 28% Raver.



Well, I have been to a rave. I probably know a bunch of ravers, but they may think of me as an outsider. That's okay, at least I am not a complete freak.

Take the RAVER Test at Fuali.com!













I am 59% Grunge.



I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.

Take the Grunge Test at Fuali.com!



its all good ( and stacks of wood, pray-tell? )
no offence or anything.

you got to admit, editing a post which commends the slugs for "non-edited posts" is pretty funny, thou ;)
well.
for starters - it seems my host people would like to inform me that I HAVE NO DOMAIN REGISTERED TO MY NAME

that's cute. really.
I give them two days to fix it, and they dont.
grand.

that pisses me off so much.
sooo much.
...

almost to the point of edit-fucking Andrew's posts
but after doing that to napster i'd figure that'd probably put a bad wrap.
im not all that tolitalitarian. his post was bitching about having his things edited. it felt rather deserving.

anywho. im gonna see if i can get these fucks with unix up and running - and probably dink around.
whee.

November 29, 2001

LOL...

zee board has been going dead for a little while and now it appears to have been reserected from the dead.

mud... the board itself does not appear to be working at all right now. why? how is learning unix going? :)

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
äs it appears many people have said... i will repear

where is Mike Rigney???

November 28, 2001

stupid unix.
you shouldnt be this difficult to set up.
Only if Aaron doesn;t de-administrate them. and you.
Im saying this real quick -
since i feel like it, im changing my plan over to a unix server.
this ups my email count to quite a few.
so uh.
...

if you want a ( username ) @ loose-slugs.com address,
tell me.

its pop3 too.
and that rules.

November 27, 2001

I half-way listened to the radio today, or yesterday / whenever.
and they were talking about a " new movie " coming out - or the concept of a new movie that will be released, or something they figured would be a good movie.

the idea was that ...

Sometime in the near future science will allow us to predict and choose the gender of your child you will have. But what else? What of the dark side of science where it can do more than that - such as tell you whether or not your unborn child will be HOMOSEXUAL !!!

Basically the plot would revolve around a bunch of evil people attempting to rid the world of homosexuality. DAMN THE STRAIGHTS! I personally dont think that a sexual preferernce is that big of a deal. heh... cant you just imagine big " wars " over something like this... ah ... I get ready for work.
http://www.fbi.gov/majcases/amerithrax/amerithrax.htm


HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! Damn. Thant's so funny- looks like an advertisement for shoes or some shit.

November 26, 2001

What (other than smashing shit) are we going to do this friday?
Anyway I should leave the blue truck at home for a few weeks....
Maybe I'll put the tailgate back on the nice one and we can use it for road-skiing.
But not as far down as before. That guy may not take as long to call the cops next time.

November 25, 2001


Or maybe I should say:
Click here to find out what size you really are

That fits a little better.
Click here to find out what robot you really are


Ha ha ha ha!
I don;t even know who that is!
Click here to find out what size you really are

November 24, 2001

Click here to find out what robot you really are

Not sure what to make of that one.

Click here to find out what size you really are

Yeah.
And I told the truth.

Click here to find out what size you really are


ha ha.
looket that, I got bigger than heather.
OoooooOoooo
Had I a penis:

Click here to find out what size you really are



Ha ha ha ha ah
Micheal is sad that no one has posted. Or, people have posted- but they're lots of posts by the same people. Yeah. He bitches too much, too. Saying I bitch too much. . .fucker. Yeah. So. Hmmm. Oh, yeah-

There's no shame in drinking with a gerbil. . .

Sticking it between your buns- that's a whole different story.
Yeah sure I'm free.......
405-0831
None of the pics really came out good.
And Shari's needs to wash their windows. Ick.
malicious mischief
n.

Willful or wanton destruction of another's property.

Damn right.
We know how to get a weekend started off right.

I passed the sheriff that was no doubt headed for there on the way out.
He looked to be making a U turn after I passed him.
I have a tail light out....but he didn't even catch up.
Damn right.
I don't think he tryed.

FUNZO

November 23, 2001

Yawn.
Love long weekends......
So what time (approx) should we meet at Shari's?
hehehe...

I have to ride train this afternoon for a looooonnnnnngggggggg time. I have a huge bag full of goodies to eat.... *drools at the num nums* I'm going to Västros for zee weekend. It will be fun most likely considering Amy and that other exchange chic are going to be there. heehee :)

November 22, 2001

November 21, 2001

you sick fucks.
all having sexual intercourse with eachother.
spreading syphilis like it was COTTON CANDY AT A CARNIVAL!
SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK
SIIIIIIIIIIIIICK

all of you!
SICK SICK SICK!

...
ebola rulez0rs.
Fine... I thought I wouldnt have to edit or post again, but I'm having too much fun with this spanking the monkey business - you diggin this ? 1413mph
hmm. okay - so I got excited again, the music turns me on.. or something.
732mph

610 - 500 - 610 - now every body bow before the master. ( damn im bored )

maybe I should try the slowest one possible - slow is nice too =D hmm... 53 is pretty slow

ah screw that - 598 - excitement!

Alright - I thought I couldn't overcome 732... but I was wrong - 817 so.. who wants to watch ? grins to himself mischieviously
There is no end to my stamina! Excitement -=drives=- me! 729 mph

I think here I shall 'retire' to fitful sleep after such fun spanking the monkey - How ever shall I top that great speed ? Near Impossible!
Holy Shit... I must spank it good...
544 miles per hour! Wooo man!
Ladies and Gents... I would like to announce that I can spank the monkey at 349miles per hour!
Yes thats right! 349 miles per hour

http://www.vectorlounge.com/04_amsterdam/jam/flamjam.html

Edit ( Oh yea, Im the Bubonic Plague =p )

Take the Affliction Test Today!


Damnable damness.
My sister got rabies- why couldn't I get rabies?
Lisa got rickets- I'm soooo jealous.


Guess what?
What?
It finally came!!
What?!?
MY EMT LISCENCE IS HERE!!!
Oh.

Ah, should've figured you wouldn't care. You know what I got i?
Why?
. .because I don't partake in froturism!!!
Oh and:


Take the Affliction Test Today!
First off - Go to Class Act for tattoos.
Second - Don't ever get a tat below the wrist. It's just a bad idea. Not to mention it’ll hurt like hell on the web of your hand there. Even worse on the palm/fingers on the pad.
Third – Don’t let anyone tell you tattoos don’t hurt. But it’s the same kind of pain as paintball, that "Holy SHIT" at first, then ten seconds later it doesn’t matter. I’m not saying pain should be a determining factor, cause it’s not all that bad. Mine didn’t really hurt until towards the end. Even then it was only a fairly dull tinge. But it did hurt. I’d say the worst part was when it started itching, like a week later. That drove me crazy for a few days.

Also-About insurance. I hate insurance companies. With a passion. I like the idea of insurance, that is, having a safety net of sorts, but the people who make money off it are just too damn greedy. Insurance companies should all be non-profit organizations. Period. We’d all be better off if their bottom line wasn’t the only thing that matters.
but wait. I'm not done yet.

Im going to either go out and get a professionally done tatoo ( probably two ) one of them being a pen mark I found on myself and have been re-writing every day since, I dont know how it got there or what not - but it looks so neat I enjoy it.

Then Im going to tatoo " tza " on the little part between one's thumb. to explain - you have your thumbnail - which then has a joint, then another joint - then it connects to your hand. that space between your hand and your thumbnail - there. real little. just so i can see it. if anyone of you would be interested in such a life-scarring endeavour as well - just ask me and i will be sure to hook you up with the funds to do so, with me. yes - it'll be stupid, but it will be OUR stupid, and a great story to tell, none the less.

also - i dont think my current plan allows me to make ftp users for the space I have. I do - however, think that if I upgrade that I can do such a thing. With that in mind - that'd mean my monthly fee would be ... oh - i think 30$ - but not only that - i'd be able to give you all your own webspace to do with whatever you please. and instead of 10 @loose-slugs.com addresses, I'd have thirty - meaning I'd give them to each and every-one of you. But Im thinking if I should charge for the space. I dont think so. So - if I go with the upgrading - and I can then make ftp users - and then I can give you each your own little folder and then link it up here to the main site - we'll have our own little places to put whatever-the-fuck we feel like ( as long as it is isnt too graphic to where the hosting people get on my ass ) - wont that be grand.

as for PHP - I found out how to get my own scripts - but as to being able to get them to work on the damn hosted site is another thing all-together, I dont know how to make the fucking folders able to be written to - and they didnt help me when I asked for god-damn help. So I've got to actually READ THINGS to figure that out. Hopefully when I have the time I will get around to that - and have a better side-bar navigation center for you.

that - and speaking of wasting money - anyone know where I can buy buisness cards for relitavely cheap, but good looking? Im going to make some buisness cards ( again - anyone wanna jump on the bandwagon here just say the word and I will see what I can do ) for either loose-slugs.com ( general cards ) or for myself ( TZA influenced ) - those would be fun to just pass around to anyone you randomly run into in life, say someone who works at burgerking or someone you run into at school or the mall.

I have to buy new shoes today, by the way - just so you know.

also ~
has anyone heard from jeff? i think there is some sort of big hoop-lah with tests and so on going down at the college because he hasnt been posting, or been chatting to anyone online ( that i know of ) - crazy stuff, i was just curious because, to some extent, I am concerned and hopefully he's ok and doing well. Go figure.

now I'm really going to bed.


Take the Affliction Test, God Damnit!

I came home and my father caught me alone in my room.
Damn, here it comes - i thought to myself. and sure enough, it did.
however - my father is funny, he approaches the things he wants to talk about in the same manner as I do - ... that is to say that he doesnt. He asked a total of one question to which I answered : " we're going to find out aren't we? " - and then left it at that.

There is so much more...
...
too bad, so sad - buy the video on DVD and break it in two.
who cares.

Today I hit my 90 days. They gave me a bunch of packets of stuff. It seems that in the event that I want new glasses, they'll pay for the majority of the eye exam, and the glasses themselves. I find that odd. Not only that - but say this bump on my index finger actually turns out to be something of some serious nature and I have to get big $$$ surgery - they'll pay for the majority of that being done as well. I don't get it. Not only do I not get ( get meaning "understand" ) it - but I don't like it either. I dont like insurance. So sue me. I dont like the concept - and I dont like it in practice. Actually, I belive there are two sorts of insurance - one being the one that continually pays for you - be that medical, dental, or eye-care... and then there is the " just in case the event that some random act goes and fucks you over " insurance - being house, fire, theft, and car insurance. You take the good with the bad, and I'd rather just stick with the bad instead of saying " Oh well look at all the good it does " - because I'm damn well tired of hearing about all this shit. I hate it, for example, when someone's house floats away - and they get reimbursed for it - paid - in the event they had "floaty house insurance" - so to speak. Why not just let them be fucked over and die off? I dont enjoy how much government is protecting the daily lives of those who make it what it is. Of course - this hits a vein much deeper than mere insurance. I'm talking about the whole shibang. If I put money in a bank - and then the bank gets robbed, I never expect to see my money again. But what happens? The government makes more money and gives it to the bank. I'll be damned. Here I thought that money was worth something. Go figure. Oh - and then there is the ever present worry about "minimum wage" - which I also dislike. Who gives a shit how much one is paid? I sure as hell dont. Money is onto money as money is. You're saying to yourself - BUT IF I DIDNT GET PAID AT LEAST MINIMUM WAGE I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO PAY MY BILLS !!! - what did I say, bitch? I said I didnt believe in insurance, ohp - no more car bill, ohp - no more house insurance - ohp - no more blah blah blah. Oh - and not only that, but since I was thinking about how you'd still have to pay for your house and car - just not the insurance, I was reminded of INTEREST which - also - is bullshit. I was going to buy a car ( in fact I refuse to buy anything which I dont have the money, directly, for ) and it turned out that I'd be paying 1/4 the price of the car, and then the rest was their " oh here we'll do you a favor by charging you every month, but then we'll put an interest rate so fucking high that you'll be paying for four cars instead of just the one you bought " -- now that's great. No, that's capitalism for you. Make money off the stupid. Hell, make money off the dead. WE ALL KNOW THAT LIFE HAS CHANGED A LOT SINCE THE TRAGEDY - what? My life, with the exception of the fact that I have a job, has changed very little in comparison with this little escapade of " where were you when the towers fell? " - blah blah blah blah blah. I hate people. I hate people a lot. I hate people so much.

As for friday - I'm thinking we brainstorm and come up with some sort of " thanksgiving " tradition we do every year. That'd be fun, but oh - what to do? Not only that, but now that I bought a big roll of HEAVY DUTY ALL WEATHER duct tape - I got a really crazy Idea. - What if instead of TZAing our own cars - that late at night we sneak around and TZA other people's cars? Like, for instance, those cars you find on the side of the road that everyone throws rocks at anyway? Wouldnt that be grand? Just a thought.

Im going to bed now.
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



It would seem that damn lifeboat has lured DS away, too.Damnit.

DAMN YOU, JIMMOI!!
DAMN YOU, TOO, AARON

November 20, 2001

I love short weeks.
tomorrow is "Virtual" Friday

I've been employed at the same place now, in one capacity or another, for about a year and a half now.
In that time I've been asked maybe ten times, more likely much less, if I am of any relation to the author (my grandfather's cousin Ray). Four of those were today. Strange.

Anyway-Friday....what the hell are we doing? We have to do something. If so, I'll bring the crappy truck and we'll do some more road-skiing. Yeah. But no more shopping carts will be kept....I'm suprised my neighbors didn't call the cops last time. My guess is they just didn't wake up early enough. Still, I'd rather not push my luck.
Who the hell is Veronica ?
Shady responce names = dumb fellas =P

I once again found a rather great 'fortune' cookie, " You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment." Now if that's not sexually suggestive I don't know what is.

Bored - yes I am. Entertainment is what I seek...
eep :)
I'm first. and I wasted the glory of first post to tell you all that I got first post. Ha!

November 19, 2001

Now- I know that sometimes I do things that aren;t quite nece. This is one of those things. ha ha ha ha ha. Sometimes, Bonnie posts about how everyone hates her and is sooo mean to her. A lot- and since she's so good at playing the victim, I thought it would be funny to show, in a Jeff- inspired undercover report minus the pictures, The truth about Bonnie:

GreenEyedFox16: Heather is a big fat bitch. Just because she hates the world as
much as you do does not make her intelligent. I think that it would be a step in
the right direction to cut off all contact with her. What is her purpose? To make
you unhappy? If that's it she's doing a damn good job. Why don't you do the right
thing and get rid of her because deep down you don't like her either and are just
with her for the purpose of being with someone, which, by the way, is very lame.


Funny, yes? Sorry Bonnie- I couldn;t pass it up!

Funny, funny, funny- No wonder she's so paranoid about people not liking her! Filthy language, filthy. Yeah. Now I look bad, but you all hate me anyway. So, yeah. This is funny.

You'd figure them messing with the ftp thingers would make it more reliable.
ah hah.
and sweedish lesbian erotica pornography pictures.
...
egg salad.
Hello ewoa zello....

Here you go Josie. :)

More Swedish Pictures


Anyone else who is interested, go ahead.

November 18, 2001

I wouldnt be disturbed by death.
Living is a much more harrowing experience.
Anyone can die. In fact - Everyone does.
So it isnt a question of whether or not you are going to.
Or how. Or when. Or why. Or where.
so on, and so on.
Living - however, ahh ...

now thats something to be disturbed by.
Posts are not posting to the board.
Bitches... Im in a pissed off mood today...
I would try to clean my room to vent some of my frustration... but ... Oh no! I did that last week!

Did I get to see that meteor shower thing ? NO! Did I want to ? Yes! Fucking cloud cover bullshit

I'm bored now. Fuck me.
First post.

November 17, 2001

fleh.
He hovers over me
held up by his strength
by my will
Caressing and coercing
I could be a daughter of his
damn
taking me above
beyond
my wildest expectations
I look in his eyes
-I am no romantic!-
He compliments mine- he says them
deep
dark
mysterious
I can't remember his colour
or hair
He's definately attractive-but
I don't remember his
features of stone- HE
has this ability to kiss me more deeply
hold me more tenderly
than any man before or since
More than twice my age
less than half my lovers
How does he do it?
Touch me so skillfully as he, and I'm game
hahahaha
Does 80pf count=? If so, it shouldn't!
I silently plead morning off-
beg to stay another moment in his arms.
His hands in my hair- mine
one on his shoulder
one in his hair- Red? maybe
I miss Robert
I need Sam
Complications.
I slip into drunkeness without noticing.
until I'm already there.
Andrew - Are you happy or just stuttering? Either way, cool.

Ok so It's a little late, but here we go.......
Mayhem2

You guys got some really good ones from inside the car.
First - there is the matter of movies.

Cassidy, at work - a few of you met him, he calls me collins, mentioned " EPISODE I " - which got me into a frenzy about how much it sucked ass in comparison to the first three. Then I got to bitching about how special effects dont make up for the lack of a plot - and that the pod racing was nothing more than a marketing gimmick. The pod racing no-where compared to the greatness that was Hans Solo running from TIE FIGHTERS and then hiding inside a giant worm - then finding this out. That was action. That was action with a plot. And it was good. Then the begining of the second movie alone is stuff of good-ness. I remember vividly the snow battle, which you knew was coming at the end of the first film - and then there was the big walkers, and the small ones... Luke skywaker and the flyer things and the cables to trip them. GREATNESS.

Then you have pod racing. They couldnt just up and steal the boy, oh no - that'd make some sort of sense / but they had to " earn " or " buy " the boy in an uber race on some backwoods planet which took up the entire duration of the majority of the film. What the fuck. Where is HANS SOLO and his AWESOME MOVES when you need them? I hate the direction movies are going these days. Of course - my little rant didnt help any when he asked if I liked " THE MATRIX " ...

I dont think he enjoyed my answer any.

I stopped by the school today. It was rather uneventfull.
I find life to be more uneventfull as the days pass by. and by.

The board itself seems to have hit somewhat of a posting slump.
ah well, normally what we'd do to fix that is add a bunch of new people in hope that they would compell others to post. I wont do that anymore. In fact - I dont think any changes will be made to the postees anytime soon / as for the board --- due to distractions and so on I've had to postpone my massive revamp. And WINDOWS XP is a bitch-and-a-half to deal with. Although fade is really really nice.

I have plenty of underworldish goodies at my disposal now.
Tomorrow I should have my rendevous with the infamous Rachael.
Hmm, then again - I might add her to the board, but much as Doreen doesnt post much of anything I dont think she'd be compelled to either.

So much for old flames eh?

November 16, 2001

Oh, yeah-
Congratulate me, guys!

I have won my very first online auction!
Yeah, baby!
You know how sometimes We all get sad about the direction music seems to be going these days [Doooooooooooood, Slipnot ruuullleeesss!!!]? Well, I recently heard a song on the radio that went something like this:

and then I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
Now I'm like a potato
Yeah, baked like a potato.
So I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
and I hit my bong
Baked.
Like a potato.
Just like a potato.



and I thought Afro-puff or Afro-guy or what the fuck was bad.
Michelle-bite me.
What time to meet at Shari's?
Hey Tarina:

Just curious, got any more pictures coming my way?

November 15, 2001

So Mr Andy...
Where do you tend bar?
I think I missed that one.
it seems that a lot of people on the bord have recently gotten a job, are getting a job, or have gotten fired/quite their job.

Why do you suppose this is? Because we are all in some way irreversably linked, or because we all share the same mind... or is it merely my paranoia/imaginatioon.

LOL :P
I had a post
that hung itself
that hung itself
hung itself in the doorway of the apartment where I live
his woman and his little bro
came home from the grocery store
only to find it dangling in the apartment where I live

ill post it.
but i forgot it
i think.
at least i think i think i did.
...

i think .
ooooh yeah... nods his head approvingly

You know it... I know it... ( not really ) Who knows - maybe I want to stick something in First Post later on

but...

Not now! =D

November 14, 2001

Ok a little lesson here:

If you live-

A) Next to a river
B) At the bottom or top of a big-ass hill

and it rains, bad shit can happen to your house.

If there was a house, right where your house is, or insurance is really expensive, chances are it could happen to you.
SO if you live in Western Washington, at the bottom of a hill, next to a river-------

DON'T FUCKING COMPLAIN WHEN YOUR HOUSE FLOATS AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thank you.
its almost 12:30. i have nothing to do, so i figured i might as well do this and avoid the periodical request from James. i've been awake for over 30 hours now. since 6 am yesterday..........had a paper due in my humanities class that i've known about for months but didn't decide to start writing until 10 last night =)
i find this method quite stressfull and very unnecessary, but hey, it works for me. got an A on the 2 take home midterm essays that i didnt start till the night before they were due, and that was 2 essays not just 1! yay me. they were on Marcus Aurelius's Meditations in relation to Stoic philosphy and Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Very interesting reads if i do say so myself. i think one certain person that comes to mind could greatly benefit from reading the Meditations and applying it to his life and quit being quite so much of an antagonist, but that's really none of my business and i'm only writing absurd and irrelivent statements such as this because i'm quite proud of even being able to form any sort of coherent thought at this point even though i'm not quite sure if this quilifies as one.
i knew i was beyond the point of delirium this morning when someone i know, who has been heavily into drugs and still smokes a lot of weed, asked me if i was on anything, and he asked in such an accusational and disaproving way. i don't see the logic in that.
so yeah...i think that should be it now since i find myself zoning into the monitor every 10 seconds.......i feel like riding a horsey..?...horsie?...somethin......
Oh damn! First post ? First... what ? First Post!

I feel rather strange tonight / morning - Im enjoying the rain. I used to love sitting in it... just sitting. Soothing I guess - I really miss thunder / lightning storms from Ohio. Those were -actual- storms not this Washington bullshit. Lightning turns me on, have I mentioned that ? No ? Thought that I would share with all of yas.

Maybe I should post a long list of turn ons for all of you, and man - it would be lengthy! Hmm...

Someone asked me to shave - I miss my stubblies, I feel naked...

Juice... juice is good fer you - no clue what's in this juice but I guess it has to be good fer me right ? It's juice after all...

November 13, 2001

Mmmm...
Underworld-y goodness extreme.
And I got pulled over on the way to work.
And on another note....as of Saturday, it's been three years since {message edited due to possible jinx}......
Work is prostitution of the soul


And I've been at Bethel a year now.
Woo fucking hoo.
I should bring doughnuts....it is traditional.

November 12, 2001

Right, okay - If someone at the Collins house would get off the damn phone line or even pick up the phone after 15 rings I could figure this damn Tuesday-movie shit out! Maybe it would help if Jimmoi was online too...

I figured we would go watch "Shallow Hal" - Michael wanted to see that anywho, seems funny. So Jimmoi and I can pick up Michael and Bonnie at school - go waste some time until 4:35pm ( when the movie starts, still before 6 so its cheaper ) maybe we'll go buy the tickets and waste time at Shari's until then eh ? Its only 2hrs 10mins long so that's plenty of time to get Michael and Bonnie home so their folks don't go hostile.

er... yea...
How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog


Funny movie. Not as predictable as most.....
little man Collins: Fuck you.
but that did look bad........
Still - fuck you.
Mwraaar! How the hell am I going to buy those books without that damned 20% off coupon and my stupid readers card!? Not in my wallet noo, not where I saw it last - grrr! Things you need always seem to grow feet and legs and end up wandering away a day before ya need em!

goes to bed grumpy Bitches!

November 11, 2001

ExitSymbol: as you wish, the woman shall be ignored
ExitSymbol: and why is she angry at me ?
( JOSIE ) : cause your poetry makes her crazy. . .
ExitSymbol: why ?
( JOSIE ) : especially in that form, where she thinks you're writing a paragraph but then it makes no sense.
ExitSymbol: heheehehehe
ExitSymbol: it makes perfect sense
( JOSIE ) : It's a gramatical atrocity.
ExitSymbol: grammar is for science
ExitSymbol: like a perfect picture taken with a camera says nothing of the person taking it.
ExitSymbol: etc
( JOSIE ) : So, what are you getting at?
( JOSIE ) : That it's okay to sound like you haven't the slightest grip on the english language?
ExitSymbol: not only is it okay, but imperative
ExitSymbol: and any way, I haven't
( JOSIE ) : . . .
( JOSIE ) : and it shows.
ExitSymbol: should it not ?

HAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
What is this, destiny ?
I became a writer ...

How does the fade become me
nebula of flowing words
translucent massive thoughts,
pass with pain,
in the bowles of my mind.

Diffusion into nothing
fuse me chaos utterly
without became within
And I see the world in randome
patterns of illusions.
And now I see within,
the same damnd randome patterns
matters of confusion.

what, is this destiny ?
pouring out of musings
plainly writhing movements.
Movements of my pen on paper
when in the massive flows
of all the other movements
drifting with the currents
I am lost in them.

What is this destiny ?
Where will all this take me ?
and when did I let go
of the world that once defined me
to seek my own salvation
define myself as human
and let myself become me.

Becoming my humanity.
what is this, destiny ?


i am finally coherent again.... i don't think that that is necessarilly a good thing. that and i am still forgeting english! argh... LOL.... bring on the fun. i have been happily off in lala land for the past 3 or so days. it's been interesting to say the least. i havent' thought of home at all... i even forgot to check up on you guys. hahaha hey, where the fuck did i put the coffee!!!`??????? wargh....... hehe... oh fuck it, i have a while nice black kettle downstairs. who would have thought that i would ever really voluntarilly drink coffee to this degree. i do not want to go back to sleep.... i do not want to drift back into lala land yet again. it was a horrible wonderful nightmare.

no more of those for me... nope nope nope nope nope.....................

around and around and around we go....
where we stop, no body knows...
around and around and around we go...... off to see the ca-ching

for the next 31 days i will travel all over the place, fun fun.... it will only caost me 20 dollars too. haha :P

last night i went to a concert..... it was wonderful............... i ad so much fun listening to them play and the musuc seemed to flow across my mind in a downpoor like the monsoon in the jungle. they played well, and he is renouned at being the best swedish artist for his kind of singing. he made if fun and sad.... i'm glad that i decided to go along. i was the only person there who wast likely under the age of 40, but that didn't matter. they needed to sell about 500 tickets to break even with the Economy place, but there could have been more than 100 or so people there. i found that out from my mamma. it's odd really... there was a mere local choir thingy last weekend, and they were all sold out. i can't wait to go to the next one which is likely on the 22 of this month.

oh look at the time! and pappa is calling me down for dinner.... nummy num num.

hej då, god natt! :P

Who's your daddy!?

Three something in the morning, got home from work - once again I feel... dirty. Goo from drinks on my hands, nasty smoke stench in my hair and clothes, I just feel plain dirty - and fat ( right Bonnie? ).

Sunday - Sleep - Laundry - Cook - Sleep - Sit on my ass - Sleep... more sleep
Monday - pick up paycheck - Buy "Pillars of Creation" and "Sea of Swords" in South Hill Mall. ( Books )
Tuesday - What the hell are we doing Tuesday ? Mooovie ?
Wednesday - Don't plan that far
Thursday - See Wednesday ?
Friday - blurg - work.

Having everything written down like that - the week seems really short.
Im starving, probably shouldn't eat anything this late though...

Jimmoi - who else ya wanna drag along fer mooovies ? Michelle, er Michael is too young fer us =p

November 10, 2001

Last Night




I fade into the chaos that surrounds me
the inexplicable directions of fee energy
A mass of moving minds
exploring possibility
the living of the lives
some madness of reality

Seething tides of voices
mingle into fusion
murmurs the confusion
of a mass of moving minds

I fade into the crowd
blending in direction
being possibility
the living of my life
drifting in reality

seething tide of voices
overwhelm my words
lost into the fusion
I remain unheard
I murmur at a mass of moving minds
as I fade into the chaos that surrounds me
Well, I changed my name....but it sucked so I changed it back....We'll just stick with -Bradbury- for now.

So-what to do with the site?
Good question. I like the blog, but when no one posts, it loses it's thrill.
And, we should be able to come up with better. After all, it's us.
So......to go with what James suggested (do stuff, take pictures, post said pictures) we need to:
A) Continue Jimmi day. Maybe not necessarily in keeping with the current Jimmi day standards, but still Jimmi day.
B) Find more shit to smash.
Maybe drop the current name. Or not. It really doesn't matter....but a big part should still be sitting around in Shari's and drinking coffee for hours. That's core.

Just some ramblings.
hmmm
my brain is working over-time now.
thinking of things to 'do with the board'
and one of them is just specifically " we do things, take pictures, and post them " - ahh... that will be different. in any event.

if I dont have to do anything tonight ( be it that I dont have that rendevous with Rachael ) - then I might run down to the scene and grab those two speakers which I hadnt seen before. they're huge. and I want'tem.

does anyone have any suggestions to do with the site?
The idea I had sort of tapered off because of work, and lack of interest.

but I'm sure we'll get something going.

any ideas, or helpfull thoughts, though?
I have one question now:

What the fook am I going to do with a PayLess shopping cart?



Also; if anyone wants the black keys from the object of destruction, the back of my truck is littered with them. As well as a few trim pieces and some odd wooden chunk of something. Yeah.
Well ignor the last post....
Mayhem

Funzo.
A good time was had by all. Or at least most.
But the food from Shari's didn't sit well. Or maybe it sat too well.....
Anyway, if the link doesn't work let me know ASAP. It may take some time to load, however, the files are rather large.

November 09, 2001

Does anyone have Mike's number..?
or perhaps mike?
call me at 405-0831
I have no way to get to sherie's tonight. Can anyone come by and hook up a ride ?..

The manic cycle
dealing with it
looking for salvation from it
can't I just escape it ?
Maybe love will save me
think I'm going crazy.

often with fear I tremble
longing in the tears resemble
without knowing why resemble
unknown things to learn from.

Where to deal with and cope
why can't I escape it ?
Self destruction linger
falling inside fallen leaves
and coming up too fast
in falling up or down
when did I lose my grasp ?

Why can't I escape it ?
Looking for salvation from it
maybe love will save me
falling inside fallen leaves
I deal with it.
The manic cycle

November 08, 2001

ZEN TRANQUILITY and the art of work a day life.................

As I have been practicing Zen Tranquility exercises daily, I have come to the point where "I LOVE MY JOB" ... each day at work becomes a 4-8 hour lesson in the meaning of Zen. I arrive home feeling happy, content, relaxed, creative, energetic, free and enlightened. ... here is an example "At work today.." .. I love this :::::::
During the {BETHEL HIGHSCHOOL LUNCH PERIOD RUSH }(a typical part of a day at burger king) I was responsible for making all the chicken+fish+taco+ {insert non hamburger here}.. during this time of day these orders pile one upon another very quickly. At first I began to feel overwhelmed by the pace and the illusion that I was under some kind of pressure to perform. I noticed myself drifting into the mode of burgerking employee and immediatly I began a zen exercise. I stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes, and took three deep breaths focusing on how fun and challenging this simple and unimportant activity was. I opened my eyes and began to work as fast and carefully as possible, all the while maintaining my focus on the enjoyment I was feeling. I entered what one calls a "trance" of activity and was so involved in my activity that I didn't think of anything else until two hours later when the rush was over and I looked at the clock only to be amazed that what had seemed like no time, was in fact half of my shift... I then, having nothing much else to do, went into the primary relaxation fase. I again forced my mind into alpha state "between sleep and awake {trance state}.." and began to focus on cleaning and setting things into a desired order. Not losing sight of how relaxing and enjoyable it was to clean and order everything around me placing it into a state which matched that of my mind, clear focused and calm... before I knew it work was over and I left feeling relaxed and rested, happy to have been there and looking forward to going back. These simple zen exercises are so benificial that I often find myself feeling better after work than at any other part of the day.
I LOVE ZEN >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
My friend Daniel from Poland recently {some time in the last five years} moved to seattle. He has dual citizinship because his father is an American and his mother is Polish. Poland has a rich history and is one of the more peculiar nations in europe. It is somewhat near the center of what was once the Roman empire, and hence {having a slovic language which is simply a language of greek ancestry, and a Roman Catholic {latin speeking} religouse background} a very rich culture. I was able to hit it off well with Daniel right from the start because I once dated a Bulgarian woman {also a slovic country, although far more eastern {greek} than poland} and have had a few Hungarian friends {Hungary is also a slovic nation} so I am familiar with a great deal of his culture {cheese,whine, crackers, tomatoes,...etc } he is one of the first people in years I have been able to express my general discomfort about American culture to, he knew exactly what I meant, and like me, detests the french liberalism of the western european nations. Daniel owns a business here in America, a very profitable one at that, he charges people to have a detailed cleaning done to their car. He in essence provides what one calls a service. For the price of $150 one can have their car cleaned and sparkling just like new. Daniel is very successful for being 20 {this is not uncommon for foreign peoples in America, esp peoples from slovic nations where the education systems are something to really be proud of {free college for all citizens, etc...}...}

One day Daniel and I were making the trip from portland to seattle, and on the way, having a discussion about capitolism and the great fortune it provides for many of the people here in America. You see, Daniel does not do any of the cleaning, but rather, he has employees who do it for him. They make about $7/hr and it takes them approximately one hour to detail a single car, thus, Daniel makes about $143/hr from each employee he has. I explained to Daniel that in selling a service he is really only contracting the labor of his employees, he is not producing and selling a commodity, but rather, selling a few man-hours of labor. Thus, taking this prospective, it is easy to see why Daniel is getting rich so quickly, and why his employees are getting forked in the buttox, Daniel is contracting their labor at about $150/hr, and they are only recieving $7/hr. This is perfectly legal, and very common here in the states. I told Daniel that he was ethically lacking, that he was exploiting other people for his own benifite, and that he might want to consider who is doing the real work, and who is taking the spoils.... Daniel's employees are what I call wage slaves, a minimal amount of {abstract labor} is exchanged for a real amount of labor at a rate which is entirely, categorically, fucked up !!!... Most likely, you are a wage slave, or will be a wage slave, in a country where one only has the rights and freedomes that one can afford, this could be "ought to be" considered a form of repression.. your boss is going on trips to europe every summer while you are doing all the work that pays his bills {and buys his new cars and caviar}..This is a form of slavery because you haven't got any real choice, nothing is free, most likely they never will be "until energy becomes free", thus you must work, you must get forked in the ars because you must eat... this is your position in life, this is the reality of your situation... you are nothing but a motion, a deed, a series of actions + thoughts that another person " a capitolist" can exploit legally... welcome to the country our fathers built ... maybe our fathers were wrong ???.. just because you learn in school that you must do things they way they do, act they way they want you to, want they things they want, doesn't mean that you really do ... you don't have to be a willing slave !
do you love me?
of course
then it's ok, besides, you said you were tired.

it begins with that.
and then /

how is she, is she ok?
i dont know, really

the second.

and then work came.

so your throat still hurt from giving kevin too many blow jobs eh?
ha ha ha
you know - there are videos that you cant rent for that
yeah, then I'd have to borrow them from you
hey - I have a viedeo camerah and would gladly take video for you, if that is what you would like
. . .
. . .
I'm just not even going to touch that.
ha ha, yeah whatever you say Dennis.
hey! whot can I saey, I am a man of art!

( bell )

and then there was after work :

Rumour going around that they'll be laying off five people a week
Hmm.
So first (points at me) you can say good bye to your job, then I can say bye to my job, and then maybe even Cassidy will be out of here
Great.

and then home :
What did you jump about when you came in?
huh?
When you came into your room, you jumped - what was it?
oh ... that...

-------------------------------------
I dont know.
Throughout the day I imagined it as just a bunch of conversations. I couldnt see the "in-between" of the conversations, just the conversations themselves. It was really odd. Very odd actually. As if there was no reality beyond that which occured with those around me. And in any event - I might not have to work tomorrow ( be that friday ) because of the whole " slow " ness of work. And then there is the concept that I might have a ... couple ... months off. Then again - I can go to unemployment ( as Jimmoi actually should ) - and they'll PAY ME TO SIT ON MY ASS. They'd pay 60% of my wages. I make 10.22 an hour. ... someone do the god-damned math - we'll say 6$ because I'm guessing 60% of 10 is 6. THAT IS A GUESS. Where is mike and his god-damned math when you need him? Like the bloody police, they'll always be there when you dont need them, and never there when you do.

I had something important to post and I cant exactly remember what it was - in fact, the only reason I am posting is because I hope that through the duration of this typing episode that I suddenly ( BLAMMO! ) remember what it was that I wanted to post - and through the course of my train of thought - post such.

It doesnt seem like that's happening.

I'm slow
eh?
I said I'm slow.
what do you mean?
The answer to your question - is three years, thats what I mean by that I am slow - it took me two years to kiss her
You're shitting me.
No, I am serious, to me - a year is to you ... what... a month? week? day ... fuck, how about a couple of hours?
...
heh.
so tell me you tapped that shit.
what?
...

people at work are terribly funny.

it seems as if through this episode I still have not gotten the *THING* inside of me that I feel an abstract need to get out of me, out. Terrible. Absolutely. And so I will have to lay me down a hundred years and go to sleep without actually fullfilling the reason why I began to post in the first place. Go bloody figure.

Oh.
Me and Jimmoi constantly thought about re-doing, or making a film, about Dune, being that the old version is about as good as having all of your limbs removed, and then sewn together as one limb - then reattatched on yourforehead. It would be an odd sight to see- and rather pointless, WHICH IS WHAT THE FUCKING MOVIE IS. The new one, although has much better ... things than the old one - focuses too much on " the blue eyes " - and I dont like their depiction of the Guild members. In any event - what I have to say, briefly, which still isnt what I had to say in the first place, is that I found something ... to do.

The Stranger, by Albert Camus.

To my knowledge, there has been no film made on the book. And if there has ( which, there probably more than likely has ) it was so shitty that nobody knows of it or anything. I want to make a rendition of the book. And I know exactly how to do it.

Fun.
Goodnight(morning) kiddos.

November 07, 2001

Sounds like a plan....or should I say plot?
I'll make sure the blue POS is running and ready to go by then
I write a lot of things... what can I say, it isn't much like the stuff you guys post .....ehhh all of my work "as of late" has been about my loss of passion, my feeling alone, and the self destruction found in numbing my pain away with drugs. About the ambiguity of life, in confusion about life itself. About the philosophy of empathy and mitigation.. I write about serious matters of my life, about my deepest inner conflicts, about being a human being... but what can hold a stick to ALF ??
I wrote a couple last night ... here

Idle day
Idle time
there without much thinking
not with much to tell
an idle day
an idle time
this time without much worry
not with having much to care.
A simple time of dreaming
much time does not compair
my idle day and time
my having humble joy
my wonder and my worry
a simple pleasure dreaming there
time


Help me corrode me in me.
Help me treat me badly.
See me sadly in me.
Corrosion
in illusion
in delusion
in confusion
Help me erode me in me.
Tears of my addictions.

As I am consumed by my illusions.......

Fearing sweet apathy
to follow on the road
that followed ends abruptly
passing my indefinite reality
sways on hairlike hinges
at the fringes of an unknown road
that followed ends abruptly....

In the motions of distortion
mind lingers on the fingertips
of breaking all the sanity...

As I am consumed by my illusions
As I drift on fearing apathy


fading simply slowly
into the dismal unreality
of empty nonexistence
presence dwindle slowly
into the inexperienced
falling down the hole
conscience twisting difference
and the rabbit in the hole

fusion in the sadness
chaos gives forward to impression
dwindle in the madness
self control recession

As I mitigate confusion
I lose myself to this illusion.

November 06, 2001

WHO THE HELL ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE ?????
I'm listening to Kenny Rogers. That's right- go ahead and laugh, fuckers. Ruby, don;t take your love to town rules . a lot.
Due to the extreme and abusive harassment i received from james today, i am...."posting".
i had thought about doing a whole long doo da about our earlier conversation on the difference between friends and associates, but i dont know any of you people so why would you care about what i think about james' morbidly off-centered view of all things.
so, here i am, typing away about absolutely nothing for reasons i'm not quite sure....ahh...ok...here's something special about one moment of life, enjoy:
AbraKaDuh: have you ever been sick and had that big ole wad of slimy snot sliding down the back of your throat, but when you go and try to cough it up to spit it out, it just won't do what you want?
n o t mud: yeup. in fact for the past four days ive been struggling with work + fever + headache + congestion.
n o t mud: I might have some sort of winter-allergy
AbraKaDuh: i am currently faced with that very situation.....and i am forced to tolerate the feeling of it going down the back of my throat with nothing that i can do to stop it
n o t mud: oi.



thank you, that is all
Blurg - I can't sleep. Probably that fookin Mocha I had before bed... hmm...

K-PAX :: -Plot-, no "bad" language that I can recall, no nudity unless I missed it, no violence, no real mass special effects... and you know what - with all these missing things, it was a good movie. Wierd ending which could have been done better in my opinion, however my ticket stub does say "K-PAX I". Arg! Can you say part two ?

I found an "out-of-nowhere-gift" today, from my mother. A book of International mixed drinks, very nice. I don't recall doing anything special which might result in a reward or gift, got it just because - I think. However, as I find myself flipping the pages of interesting drinks I realize something - the pub I work at doesn't seem to stock half the shit in all those drinks which I might find appealing or might enjoy making and serving.

I might enjoy serving something called "Hitler's Grenade", "Death by Chocolate", "Deep Throat Shooter", "Seduction" and quite a few others. Noo, course my boss is a tight ass and doesn't want to stock up on things which I might 'accidentally' urge my customers to try.

I have the 17th off for paintball, at least the manager (bitch) said I did - she could change her mind... she is a bitch after all. To date I have $30 just in quarters from my tips and gathered change, I'll probably end up with another $30 by the 17th.

.... yeup... wow... Jimmy sucks - couldn't find him today to go watch K-Pax. Bastard. I feel fat - the chair I'm sitting on creaks and groans as if I might weigh 500lbs - which I don't... unless I keep expanding.
Yes, I'm bored - haven't posted in awhile.... ( Brown board sucks ) I think James is trying to make it too 'organized' looking or 'special' maybe 'sophisticated' looking when in the end we're all just Cow-pie-high dumbshits who don't care for those sort of things. Beauty is found in the most simplistic of things.

Kiss My Asteroid!

November 05, 2001

Fuck.

Okay...how is this thing supposed to work...
I type here...
Right...

Okay, hello all.

This is me: ALF.
yes i know I am attractive...
look at that crap they are having me were...you'd think I was a taliban terrorist or something...
But hey ladies, look at my large feet....oh Yes...large for you!

Do you know why I am here typing out on this garbage?
Because i was forced to.

That stupid dumbassJeff and his old man friend (don't ask me, I think he was snorting viagra when my back was turned), rescued me from my prison. But they said they'd only do that if I worked with them.

He also told me to write something here...
Its like i'm in prison all over again.

I need to get something straight first. I hate you all. No, I'm not trying to be cute. I hate all you people.
Do you think it is because i was captured by the military? Oh no...that was nothing at all...

It's this:

Look at them and their smiliing faces...they even forced me to smile...but oh if you only knew...if you only knew...

I crash landed...the first problem I encountered...
and it wasn't even my fault...
I was merely flying reconaisence and checking my scanners when something came over my radio...somethin called "80's Rock..."
whatever it was, it began seeping into my brain...causing delusions...hallucinations...
my brain began to bleed, my eyes bulged...
i could feel my cranium begin to swell...
and then i crashed...

And then i met that family...

Oh sure, at first they pretended to be kind and understanding...

They made me dinner:

They stuffed me and stuffed me...oh it was a fine first two weeks...
I was pampered...I lived the life...

But if only I would have run...
But alas, I didn't know, and that naive-ness was my downfall...

Things began getting strange...
They began to dress me up:


Holea? WTF?


I don't know why they made me dress up and go to that older teenage girls room...I think was one lonely desperate bitch...


First the dad made me buy him a present.

Then he told me to unwrap his...
I felt sooo violated that day.

But soon, they grew tired of me...
They found a new interest: goats.

Those bastard tanners, they turned me into the military. Still, I figured it wouldn't be to bad...no more having to be their sex slave...

I was wrong:

First their was the general

who would sometimes give me to his group of men...


I still scream at night.

But I escaped, free at last...

I hitchhiked my way across country, in hopes of putting those memories behind me...
But everywhere I went, people somehow recognized me...

During my stay in the military sex prison, those bastard tanners made a fortune off of my stay with them by turning their home movies into a TV series...

They couldn't even get my fucking name right! My name is not ALF you dumbshits! That was just the sex name they gave me when they made me scream in the sex dungeon of love.

Damn you all, its Gordan Shumway fuckholes! I hate you all.

I especially hate this fat bastard who saw me on the street and captured me:


He tricked me, making me think he was a kind person. After all, someone told me once that all fat people are nice because they have to be.

Apparently I wasn't the only individual in his prison:


Poor poor bastard...

But that's when Jeff and this old man came around. At first I thought they were part of the fatman's group, ready to have their way with me...especially the old guy. He kept fumbling with this vial of something. I swear it said Viagra on it...

They started talking to the fatman, and then gave him a donut. He dropped to the ground, salivating, and began chewing on it. Then he freed me and that poor asian boy.

I had to promise to work with him though briefly. Oh well...anythings better than that stinky fatman.

And so that is what I have to say...

But I have one request from all of you.

GET MY DAMN NAME RIGHT! My name is not ALF. ALF is an acronym created by a bunch of backwater hillbilly morons who couldn't understand that my name was Gordan. They thought it was some alien-speak.

You don't see me walking around calling you all HUMAN instead of by your names. Hell not even that...that would be a compliment. It would have been amazing if they at least called me by my species name...no, they come up with ALF...WTF?!?!

I was forced to use ALF because that dumbass Jeff said that you all wouldn't know who I was if I said this was Gordan. Dumbass.

I should start calling all of you SHIT (Sauntering Humanoid Idiot Talkers). Yes, I like that. From now on, you all are SHITs.

Hahahaa...stupid SHITs.

Guh, I'm tired. Now I'm going to have the one thing this miserable planet has to offer that is good.
I'm gonna go eat me some pussies...yeah.
Hey there Miss Tarina. ..

I just wanted to thank you for the email. . .ann also, your address isn't working when I reply. Is it still hwyfar?

November 04, 2001

6 inches of white stuff fell from the sky last night. It was cold, lacey petals larger that quarters, piled itself around and on my adobe. That's right, it was SNOW, and I have pictures to prove it. hehehehe..... Last night it was a beautiful winter wonderland, now the streets are being cleared of it and it's slowly melting. You would think that if it snowed you'd get a day off school wouldn't you? WELL NOT HERE!!! I'm actually glad we have school today. That way I can attack people at school and run after them with giant snow balls.... *plots it all out in her mind* You must know this, I cannot help but share it.... we CAN PLAY WITH THE SNOW AT SCHOOL. MUwaAHAHAahhaaha!!! Poor you Washintonions back home will never have that privelege at BHS.

I will post pictures this evening after I've uploaded them. I don't want to do it now even though I have several hours before I have to go to school at 9:30. Yes, It IS morning here. Twill be a good day I think. :)












...
what?
they're falling everywhere

raking it up all day...
falling falling....... no end

we rake - break time
endless as the sea.... falling everywhere

for you, for me
falling falling all around
raking, raking - is there no end...?

yes!

bzzzbzzzzzbzbzzz----
gravity rules- crashing breaking... woomph!
HAhAHahA....

*smiles happily*

no more falling, raking, breaking, for me.
existing in a world without control
I never asked for this
yet somehow hanging on I dwindel.

reality of my situation
I never asked for this
a world without control
hanging by this thread I dwindel.

peace is simple understanding
perfection would be
slowly, quietly, comfortably fading into nothingness.
And life is never perfect.
understand me

I have no anger for my sorrow
no passion for my pain
as I will to lose my will
and no longer feel insane.

can't you utter in the dark to yourself
like a madman speaks of horror
I speak inside my sacraficial burdon
I utter madmans words in bleak confessions

as I hear the roaring of the self diluting drums
as I feel the numbing power of the drugs
and as I see myself slipping ever more
I walk closer to the answer than before
once you lose the will to live
the will to care or be cooperative
you are free.

In a world without control
I am not controlled
my self destructive passion
diluting me am fading soberly
no passion for my pain
I have no lust for burdon

November 03, 2001

LOL...

Bradbury and not mud...

too bad you didn't tell me this two weeks ago. While I was down in Gothemburg I met a nice blonde lesbian couple. They did make out in front of me on 3 different occations, of which 2 times I had my camera. LOL.... I didn't take any pictures of them though. Wish I had, they were so CUTE together. :)

moving along though... I seem to have bitten off more han I can chew as the old saying goes. argh! Life goes on anyway, at least I have that. :)

November 02, 2001

Another day, another SPED room.
Damn right.
but this time it was [mercifully] brief.

Spent the past two days working through some config issues with Apache on OS X.1
Bleh.
My mind hurts.
But we got it 90% right.
If anyone knows how to set up authentication with Apache.....let me know.

I need some pork rinds. And tequila. Mainly tequila.
so much anger in
so with much hostility appearing
sadness in a self decaying fabled being

empathy what beauty
deeply for him suffering silence
the tragic beauty of the hurting child

see that human growing colder
see there that human crying
weeping thinking being
know thyself knows self decaying

hurting for the hurting child
tears despairing for the sickly child
see that one growing colder
self decaying growing older
in a shell

break the concrete wall down
open up emotional expression
express fear, doubt, anguish, madness, tragic beauty
self decaying letting go of self
I see in child crying
*mummbles* stupid mother fucking angelfire.com.... Does anyone know of a good server that lets you LOAD things onto the internet that actually works half decently?

Okay, figured out how to get this so you can at least view these damnable things. Copy and past the links below and press enter. Without the 'www.' in front of angelfire.com it appears to work.

the mushrooms:
http://angelfire.com/wa2/tarwyn/267_6709_IMG.JPG

my brother:
http://angelfire.com/wa2/tarwyn/marcus.jpg

my sister:
http://angelfire.com/wa2/tarwyn/getlmage2.jpg
the internet is a crazy place

for one - ebay.
I find ebay so terribly fun merely because it's like having friends in far off places send you mail - and yet you dont even have to bother with "being their friend" because you dont give a shit who they are as long as they cough up their end of the bargain - being the product you buy. Last night I got : UNDERWORLD | Pearl's girl in the mail. I've been listening to it ever since. I also got another package, but that was in a medium-sized box, which I will refer to at a later time in this post.

Recieving things in the mail / thats what this is about. Does anyone ever recieve things in the mail from people? It is a terribly great feeling - almost like christmas but not quite as ... hyped. Because not everybody is getting presents - just you.

Y - O - U


I also think that half of the greatness is that if you're good, you've probably already forgotten what it is that you bought online - considering that the time it takes to ship through mail for one is slow, but now that THERE MIGHT BE ANTHRAX IN IT - it takes even longer for things to move around. So not only do you get something, but whatever it is - it is a surprise as well.

The feeling is so great that I almost want to start sending packages to people - but I've never actually done that. I dont know how to just go out and buy something for someone that I think they might like - because that seems so foreign and odd to me. Not only that - but it is difficult to think of what anyone would like.

Go figure.

But moving on - the box contained a stuffed animal from a girl online, who off-handedly wanted to send me something in the mail. I didn't mind. So time passed and then I got this box - I opened it up to find a medium-sized stuffed teddy bear. I laughed, and thought to myself :

" Philbert has a friend, ah, but what to name you? "


I came up with the name rather quickly : Hamlet. The bear's name is Hamlet. Hamlet and Philbert now sit in the corner of my bed, and they get along fine. I think they like eachother, as none of them complain. Or at least I dont hear them complaining. ...




there was once an old man
who lived top a hill
in a house with no ceiling
but a chimney, still

no door, but a window
and one flower outside
not a word from him heard
for in this house he did hide




until a day came when rain was about
and flooded his home and bothered him so
he ranted, and raved / yelled and did shout
what would he do now and where would he go




but all was ok, fine and just dandy
he packed his things, but a book and some candy
headed off to a better place, with a door
on a hill, with a roof / down the road from a store




but outside no flower grew.
no casual reminder of the place he once knew.

who gives a shit about flowers when it isnt raining.


heh.
i had to finish off with a highly metaphorical story.
go figure.
. . .

Funny, Micheal, real funny.

November 01, 2001

I'd like to start off by saying:


I FUCKING HATE WORKING ON SHIT IN SP.ED. ROOMS!!!!!


I almost got bit today.
I was leaning over the computer, getting the barcode number, when I felt something at my side.
I looked down, the little bastard had ahold of my belt and was about to take a chunk from my arm....
THE FUCKING TEACHER DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.


arg


Anyway....
Tarwyn....pics still don't work.


jeFF----man, you can't put spaces in filenames, it fucks with netscape.

Well I'm happily settled into my new home now. I admit that I love this house. It's three stories plus and attic. The basement, which I do consider a floor of the house because it's just as nice as the rest of the house, has a whirlpool tub, a sanna, the large shower that you could fit 10 people into easily, and my big bro lives down there where he comes down from Uppsala. I hvae two of my own rooms and a bathroom all to myself... just like back home there in the states. Here I have my own desk, 2 widescrene tvs, dvd and tape player, two large dc players and a large comfy cream couch, and two bed which I can pick to sleepith in. I like my host family a lot. they're nice and we get along well. I love it here! it's a kind of paradise to me. :) Now every heaven has at least one glitch to it...

I found out today that I have to learn Swedish relatively fleuntly by the end of the month. It's a rule for that the Rotary clubs (my sponsors) have here. If I don't, they can send me back if they want. I study about 2½ hours on week days after school, 1½ of Swedish and then my other classes, and study my Swedish on the weekends too. Other than that, it's great! :)

Now for some pictures!

I fiddled witht his for half and hour. These pictures would not load properly here because they are two large...


These are called Kantarella... we go and pick them and clean them up... they taste really nummy!


This is a somewhat recent picture of my big brother Marcus... I think it was some sort of formal party or dinner. who knows...


This is my sister Rebecca. She is gone now though, she's on exchange in Kentucky/ Kansas? I can never remember.



Well, that's it!


Suspicioius Stats





Something is awry...something very bad...

Earlier in the month, i had complained that i was feeling rather unimportant...

why?

simple...because i wasn't getting any anthrax-laced mail...

Well, i'm here to say that perhaps i shouldn't have been so down on being unimportant...

because as it seems...there maybe some people looking into me now as well...

Confused...
well, let me shed some light on the subject:



These are stats about who has visited the board...provided by Netstat...or something like that...



Still confused...

well check out the circled locations...

INDIA?!

and what is this LEVEL 3 COMMUNICATIONS?!?

(the question marked ones are placed that i figure are from Tarwyn checking the board...but i'm not sure.)

What makes it even more suspicious is that these didn't pop up until after i posted my post earlier today about NAAFA and the fat obtuse-angle disorder that harry wapler and myself discovered...

so then why...

I decided to check out this Level 3 thing quickly, by going to their website:


Nothing to suspicious so far...

but then:





Apparently this company purports to offer internet service around the globe...

so then what do they want with our board, and more specifically my post??

What are the fish all about??

and what link does this have with india?!

Is this internet service providing stuff all a front for something far more devious? and why after i posted about NAAFA...

or is it about my controversial new theory: fat obtuse-angle disorder.

To further investigate this, i am putting together a crackpot investigative force to uncover this brooding conspiracy...

and you know what that means:

expect some rather interesting posts about what i discover,
which sure to include devious plots again us, and possibly myself...

For the Boswanians30
A VERY IMPORTANT SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT THAT YOU NEED TO READ


ahh, good stuff.



Shocking information, i guarantee




As i walk about my daily life, i am constantly observing and analyzing things that i see.

That is the trait of a good psychologist after all, and a good student. (Well, at least i figure so.)

A couple of days ago something caught my attention, and plagued me for quite a bit.

I was riding on of the ferry's to seattle, and i noticed a very large man walking about. When i say large, i mean large. This man was like jOe's equal. In fact, from behind, i thought it was jOe, perhaps trying to catch dinner off of the ferry using a makeshift fishing pole or something.

Anyway, something bugged me. The man seemed odd (aside from his large size and unkept appearance), and then it hit me.

He was walking around funny. It was like he was in a continous limbo contest. He walked at an angle. This got me thinking...why...

I just couldn't understand it.

So i came home, and went through some photographs i had...and i noticed a couple of things:



Here is an imagine of jimmoi standing around at paintball. From my calculations, he stands and walks about at a 90o angle.

However...


I found that jOe did not quite walk at that angle. In fact, his stance and stride quite honestly matched that of the man i saw on the ferry dock.



Curiouser, and curiouser...

So i decided to go and ask someone about this...and who better than the spokewoman for the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA). However, that turned out to be a deadend...



Apparently, she didn't take kindly to anything going against the idea that being fat wasn't necessarily a good thing. That, or she had a raging case of the munchies...

as did her task force!


I barely escaped. Actually, that's not true. It was rather easy to escape as they couldn't really run very fast...except for this little fat midget who kept biting my ankles.



Yes...my quest for knowledge about this phenomena seemed to be lost...there was no place i could turn...no person who could shed light on my problem...

and then i remembered the one person who might know...

the one person who time and time again has shed light on controversy and mystery using his damn near perfect investigative reporting...

That's right ladies and gentlemen...
Harry Wapler came to my rescue...

Almost immediately, after putting down his bloody-mary, he began to work out problems on an old chalkboard, until he exclaimed, "Eureka!", and began to explain the reason for the odd walking...



He began his explanation with a diagram of jOe.


As he explained to me...this was jOe currently. By itself, the picture didn't seem to make much sense...

Then he showed me a specially created time-lapsed diagram...


Suddenly things began to make sense...


As he explained it...
The angle at which a person walks is a function of a person's weight...
Thus, the fatter you are, the more your stomach sticks out and the larger the angle at which you walk.

Thus, if larger people walk at an obtuse angle, instead of a 90o angle or so.


To say that i was amazed by this discovery would be highly understating just how amazing it truly was.

For the first time ever, we had definitive and undeniable proof that being that large was unhealthy.

Why unhealthy...simple...
because at a certain weight, the angle would reach 180o, which would be the equivalent of sliding your body about...
(which is what some do.)

Not to mention the incredible strain on your knees and spinal cord.

I think this is why that crazy NAAFA spokewoman wanted to kill me...
with this knowledge, i can bring the truth to the world...

Oh crazy times we live in.

For the Boswanians29