September 30, 2001

Don't talk shit about truck drivers.
Bus drivers-another thing all together......But do leave truck drivers alone.


Ok, I know this is going to seem strange. However, I figured I would drop in and make my annoucement once and only once. Please dont have heart attack or anything like that, but I realized I had failed to inform you all when I was talking to Napster.
I have been officially taken off the market for good. Thats right...IM GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! yeah, odd isnt it? (No Jimmy its not to Jerry Garcia)
I may as well tell you guys some stuff about my fiance'...
We are both enlisting in the USAF, Im going to do survival, evasion, escape, and reconnosance (SEER) instructing AKA Survival and hand to hand combat instructor, at Fairchild AFB. I leave in july. Joe and I will be doing a joint duty station once he completes his tech school for security forces. He wants to do Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) so he has to spend 12 weeks in TX for training. After that we will be joint duty stationed in Ohio (thats where he was born and raised). Right now he goes to emerald ridge hs.
I have been engaged for apx a month now and I am still very happy, we are going to make it a long engagment so that we know it will last. I even made him sign a contract... min of three times a week. hehehehe.
He treats me very well.
Yes, heather your invited to the wedding, but it will be in Ohio... anyone else who wants to see hell freeze over let me know and I will send you an invite to the wedding.

All good children go to heaven.
I just got throught watching ME MYSELF AND IREEN, funny ass movie, and i recomend you all to see it for a good laugh.
just about to go watch bewitched. WHY? because i fucking hate EQ right now... my life is falling into the stage where i EAT SLEEP AND DO FUCKING HOMEWORK!!!! AARRGGGG, i need to do something with people, i need to get a life, or im gunna milt into a puddle of gooe..... speaking of gooe, im gunna go milt!!!! bah

James is on night job so hes geting head and isnt home at the moment. He has turned into a night whore so if you want a quickey and only have 5$ call 843-9324 for great phone sex, when u get a pick up say " Hay babey can i have some of the GOOD stuff??" and then the phone will be given to james.

My head hurts, anyone seen Monkey Bone??? looks funny and man the guy who made NIGHTMARE BEFORE CRISTMAS made it.... BETTER BE GOOD GOD DAMNIT!!!! what was i gunna do.... ah yes.... homework... GL all and rember.....

Dont change horses in mid stream oorrrr

Are their any other types of bikers? Bikers are just good people, Same with truckers. But the farther you go down the big-people-who-drive-powerful-vehicles-to get-around-or-deliver-stuff ladder the meaner they get, take Bus drivers or ice cream men. Those smarmy bastards!!!
How come you guys never read/comment on my posts unless i say something royally stupid? Just a few of you you know who you are
I started reading The Exorcist this weekend. It is really scary. I can't remember the last time I was scared by a book. I think it was Henny Penny though, you know that whole "the sky is falling, the sky is falling!" We have owned the movie The Exorcist for ages and I have never seen it.

OH! This weekend, actually today, there was a huge motorcycle rally in Anacortes. The spouse and I went. It was hot and crowded and !!!!!!!!!!! I got/had/experienced vertigo. Crazy! It is the second time I have had it. The first time I was in my house, so no big deal. Today was unsettling. Especially because I was surrounded by a sea of bikers, 30,000 leather clad, beer drinkin', pot smokin' bikers. Well, not all of them beer drinkers and pot smokers but some probably were. It lasted off and on for thirty minutes. I think it would have been more fun if I was not afraid of being trampled.

One last thing. I saw a decal at the rally today. It said, "AIDS kills fags dead." I was going to steal it from the vendor but again, bikers.
You want to know why nobody has posted?
Change it back, James.


Dammit, you all should be ashamed of yourselves for not posting. It's Sunday, and I know that most of you, and probably all of you are not at church. SO what is your excuse huh? Why are you not devoting every waking moment to the board. The board owns you, post post post, otherwise James could put in a word with his good buddy St. Peter and it's straight to hell with all of you.

Anyway, I'm at James' house right now. He and I compiled musically to create a song. After we convert it to .mp3 we'll put it up here. Downloading of the song will benefit the victims of the WTC attack in some way or another, probably with a fruit basket with a creative hopeful message on it. Something like, "We're sorry your husband/son/parents were crushed by tons and tons of flaming rubble after being hit in the face by a jet airliner" or "Only you can prevent terrorist attacks, no wait, you can't otherwise your family wouldn't be DEAD!" Anyway, in the name of such a noble cause donate money to them through this song.

Now, if any of you are offended by the above statement. Blame Michael, he told me to post it. And he threatened me with a jet airliner if I didn't post it.

Now, onto other matters:

Dammit, what are other matters.

James isn't going to get me home on time and coincidentally my homework won't be done on time and I will probably fail math and it will be all his fault. FUCK YOU JAMES!

So, have fun bartending Andy. Yet again, to anyone who was offended, IT WAS ALL MICHAEL!
Wow ten am and im still first post

September 29, 2001


So today i went to bremerton to help my aunt and uncle with the clean up of their yard because they were doing some things on the roof and there were roof tiles strewn everywhere in a pile that was very much deep. I spent
a few hours digging through this scrap heap banging my fingers a few times and narrowly avoiding putting a nail or a roof staple through my foot then on the way back from our second trip to the dump we decide to stop off at taco bell for some imitation mexican goodness. This was the worst experience ive ever had at a drive through. It took us a good 15 minutes just to get to the speaker box. When we went to ordermy aunt only got part of the order down and the stupid lady filled the order before we were ready. and when we were the second car in line this freakin old lady who looked like a mentally retarded cancer patient was holding a convorsation with the people in the car ahead of us. She even broke the most sacred code of fast food, she handed the people a container of soda and causually remarked "Does this taste like Pepsi to you?" Apparantly it didnt because they handed it back and she took it and just set it down with someone elses food order. FUCKING GROSS. So then we get up to the window and its a different lady, by this time my aunt has been pissed off for like twenty minutes. So she asks the lady if they were understaffed, apparantly they were cause there were only two people working the counter and the drive through. Why they didnt close it i have no idea. Then the lady confirms what we thought, she didnt get the entire order. So my aunt just said screw it and took off. So we went to good old Mcdonalds.
I wasnt feeling well at, i was really tired and droopy and such and the scene inside Mcdonalds didnt help. The entire decor of the establishment was brightly colored squiggles and triangles and circles and other geometric rainbowfied nightmares. So we ordered our food and i went to go sit at a table, while i was waiting some happy family with two kids an fat pig looking lady and a grandma come in with two kids. One is normal looking, smiley, bubbly and happy go lucky. The other looked like a genetic sample that had been frozen in the 80's and grown in a tube three years ago. This little kid was sporting the most ridiculous mullet type haircut that i have ever seen. It looked like Joe Dirt with brown hair . My oh my. Overall the day wasnt bad, i got 40 bucks (roughly 10 dollars per truckload) and now maybe i can go paintballin, or ill just blow it on computer software, maybe save up for car stuff or a new computer.
Heh...welcome to tending bar. You will smell like smoke every day. Fun fun fun.
So where exactly do you tend bar?
slow day.
How much did your bartending school cost?

Helped my dad paint the house today......we used the pneumatic sprayer. Worked pretty well.
Then I helped a co-worker move a fridge.....they aren't nearly as heavy as they used to be. Got a case a Thomas Kemper root beer out of it. And a fifth of Jose. That worked out better for me.

Well then, I have nothing more to say. Or, at least, nothing more to bable about.


When I came home last night I felt dirty... I smelled like smoke. Nasty ass smell.
I did however have fun. The daytime bartender, Carla called me her new boyfriend ( Her bitch ). My future bartending partner, Tina said that I looked a bit tense and then made me promise that we would play together... ( uh...I doubt that ) - I told her " we'll see about that. " The -large- man named Tim worked with me behind the bar last night, to him everything costs $15... wierd guy.

I pulled a $130 winner in pull tabs ( oops ) and the lady gave me a $10 tip just for that. Old ladies where hitting on me, some chick I couldnt stand from highschool did aswell.

First night, $26.37 tips. Not bad, was to be a slow night. I get off at 2am...
Mah feet hurt...

gets dressed shakin his bootay...

(Bonnie can blame Mike for 'her hating me as james' friend. The post was ment as a joke. Reeny-poo calls me dork quite a bit. It's probably true :)

yeah. that's right. shake it... shake yoh bootay... ung... shake yoh bootay... uh huh... c'mon ... show me some love, ... shake it ... I'm a love machine, Love machine, And I dont work for nobody but yo--o--oo--oo-uuu. Schik-a Schik-a Bow-a-wow.

to tell you the truth I just wanted to see what her butt-shake-ing would look like on a pink background. funny funny. eBay is a crazy place. I found all 6 of the books I grew up on for like 3.45 ... however 6.50 S/H but I dont really care.... the auction ends in like 2 days ... so I just wait ... until the last minute where I STRIKE! MEWA HAHAHAA.

I'm considering buying a chess set - as they range quite pricey - but then again the more money spent, the better quality recieved. Hmm. For instance : Look at this beauty. It goes away in 5 hours / but man oh man isnt it great lookin. I'm trying to get some books at the moment, and dont want to put too many bids in everywhere so as to overload myself, and my money account. Go figure.

Off to take a shower.
not mud... CHANGE THE PAGE BACK!!!!! pink is EVIL!!!!!!!!!! It's a disgusting color. Why did you do this, to torture all of us?!! :(
im reading DM's post and it brings up Teamfort... we need to get like 50 people over and start a fun ass game

but oh well.... iw waas t hinkin , funny funny funny, good cool, hes got a JOB. now i can mooch monie off him possably... cool

then i relize WHAT this is yesterdays post!~!!!! its 825 tho!! WTF... well so i stoped from going to EQ for 2 seconds to post and say

oh and [9/28/2001 9:31:25 PM | - Bradbury -]
Man what the fuck is wrong with the little Collins?

theres a simple answer..... there is none....!!!!! aaahhhh AHHAHAHAHAHAAH what you gunna do about it Muahahah MAUHAHHA MMMMUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

September 28, 2001

wow im actually working tomorrow, menial labor but at least it pays. Its gonna be good to possess money again, maybe ill even be able to go paintballing
Man what the fuck is wrong with the little Collins?
wow.....not only did James make the slugs.blogspot page.......[?new?], but DEV is back.
Hell of a day.
and payday, too.
My head hurts.
maybe I'll have some of Uncle Jack's tea.

Jesse I updated to mac OS X.1
I like it a lot better than X. Much faster, newer GUI.
They give you the option to turn the RAM-hungry genie effect off.
It has DVD support now, too....and does it quite well.
Let me know if anything quits working.


Gawd Dam you,boyz!!!!!!!!!


I am back. At least momentarily.

Bunny, I am sorry for your loss this weekend. I am thinking of you. When I got home I had a loss,too. The one I told you about at school. Yes, Aaron, you c.s. the one I told you about as well. HAHAHAHA! (this should be noted as sarcastic laughter)

My students have told me that all we read are sad/depressing/upsetting works of literature. Isn't that the only good lit.? What "happy" stuff am I supposed to teach? Stuff where the cowboy kills the Indians and that is a good thing? Where the slaves bring in extra cotton to make Massa mo' money? Where Lenny kills Curley's wife and they all have a good laugh about a dead whore? (Sorry if I ruined the end of that book for anyone.)

Not Mud, I have some good Johnny Depp stuff in my room. Come by some time.
Hey Max powers did if you read this contact me sometime tonight on AO-HELL, Im NapsterBHS msg me, i wanna know if you got a call from that lady from roy elementary. You should go cause its really fun and plus you get a chance to boss around the lil 6th graders. ALL RIGHT!!!
..... i was joking about the sexest... but wtf now... omg, now your just homosexual!!!
..... wtf.... .... im just lost.... so james IS SEXEST?

... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. ... ... ... ..

not right
here ya go james, some adds for the womens....YES THAT WO-MANS.... *snicker*
Some "accessories" every WOmen should have
welp off to EQ to raid some stuff AND WAIST MY FOOKEING LIFE AWAY!!

Ya know... there's some people I've never met that... supposedly hate me...
Why would they hate me, I have no idea - I've heard nothing but nice things about this person.

I found myself looking through my Bethel High yearbook one night, just out of boredom. I supposed it qualified as 'reading material' for the bathroom. ( Men need that sort of thing, reading material. )
Flipping, flipping... I come face to face with this person I've never met, heard nice things about yet hates me because I'm one of "James' friends" - Bonnie Seaborn

It was a rather... stunning picture... one of those "I-looked-funny-as-a-squashmore" pictures. Half asleep, or high on some kind of drug, braces pictures are always great. ( Bethelonian, yr 2000 Page 89, top row, last squashmore )

No clue why that was funny but it was oh.. I think around 4am and it just was funny. Everything is funny at 4am. Anyways... yes...

I don't like the color pink. Things are generally less appealing when they're pink - unless of course these things are pink stockings / garters & accessories.... and maybe pink bow tie thingies holding up pigtails...
now who's accused of being sexist?
to many big posts, cant read it on this pos computer, its sad, because when i change it, it messes everything up... so i give ill just blab about how everyone behind me can talk about something.... but me.... i can t talk about anything because IT FREGGEN BRINGS UP JAMES!!! I HATE JOO ALL!!! Im going to be a freggen clone of james BECAUSE OF YOU ALL!!!!! RRARRR But i always have my ERATIC potsts SO HAH!!!! AAAHHHH AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

....rrarr... BTW HOMECOMMING SUX!!! Id rather stay home and play my computer and do all this crap FOR MY SELF and NOT FOR SOMEONE WHO WAAANNTTSSS me to spend monies on dinner and crap.... ppfftt screw that... well back to " talking " to people..... ppfftt this sux, i hate you james
I might have to call in today.
that'll mean three days off.
that means someone's gonna be pissed.

THE LAST STARFIGHTER was an awesome movie, at the time in which it was made, and the age at which I did view it. I hinted upon this at one time, maybe movies themselves arent getting worse in-as-much as our age is getting to the point to where we've seen almost all sorts of movies there is to be seen, and the only reason why other people dont pick up on it is because they're always stoned out of their fucking minds and cant remember anything unless some drug or another was mentioned : ( cheech & chong, high times, home grown )

We'll say at least the movie did not fall into as much predictablitiy as the quirky movies of whatever-that-guy's name was who did such horrible movies as THE BREAKFAST CLUB and SIXTEEN CANDLES --- which neither, by the way, " hold a candle " to THE LAST STARFIGHTER. The plot itself, or at least the idea, danced around something like Star Wars, but didnt entirely rip it off. Unlike most space films where it would be just Star Wars with a different name.

Let us not forget the computer generated effects, wherein they are surrounded and just about are going to get their asses'ah whooped, they PUSH THE RED BUTTON - which basically was a suicide button - using all energy to beat ass. The effects used in this scene were PHENOMINAL - ASTOUNDING. And not only that, but it gave hope to all of us pre-gamers who spent our lives on video arcade games, at arcades and at home. A sense of " YOU'LL BE NEEDED ONE DAY FOR YOUR EGG SALAD SKILLS OF SUPER GREATNESS AND HAND EYE COORDINATION TO FIGHT EVILE BADDIES FROM UNIVARCE NUMBER X!!!!!!! " - sadly, I never got flown away to a distant place to whoop some ass with a suicide button. But each time I played Star Wars Fighter ( THe original arcade game, fun fun fun, and only 25 cents ) I was always waiting for my space ship to come by and take me away from this human-infested shit hole known as Earth! *big smiles*.

thats for that.
and one last thing,
did anyone notice how much " jeffs brother " looked vaguely familiar?
almost as if it were jeff himself, taking an obvious picture that had leaked from his boy-toy training for the young school and pschiactric center, and passed it off being his brother. Hmmm. Maybe someone cloned the wronge man ... again ( ? )
Movie Review - The Last Starfighter

Lately, there seems to be an overabundance of really crappy bad movies. It seems like the boil up from a well of pure evil and crap. For example, the latest of them being "The Fast and the Furious".

In fact, it seems like movie watching these days consists of going out with the knowledge that what you're about to see is going to be regurgitated crap. Case in point: Tomb Raider, The Mummy Returns, Mission Impossible 2, etc. (It should be noted that "The Fast and The Furious" by and far makes these and all other movies seem like cinematic gemstones.)

Well, i have recently discovered that crappy movies existed before the time when a movie was considered good if the number of explosions outweighed the dialouge, before the time when CGI ruled all, before a time when making a movie was not some fascade for displaying a two and a half long music video on the big screen.

Ladies and gentlemen, i give you: The Last Starfighter

Don't ask me why i saw this movie. I certainly did not choose to. In fact, i didn't even watch the whole thing, though the last thirty minutes explain roughly everything. Actually, i take that back, the last thirty minutes gave the viewer the impression that the movie was exactly the same throughout.

The Last Starfighter. Made in 1983, if i got that correct. It stars great actors such as Lance Guest (probably starring in a trash recepticle as we speak), Dan O'Herlihy, whose antics are protrayed as the loveable alien Grig, and the heroine, Catherine Mary Stewart, whose unsuspected line, "I love you, Alex!" blew us all away.

Take a look at what was transcribed on the "video box":

Can a teenager from a trailer park in the sticks find happiness
as an intergalactic warrior? That's the premise of THE LAST
STARFIGHTER, a magical adventure starring Robert Preston, Dan O'Herlihy, and two of today's most exciting young stars, Lance Guest and Catherine Mary Stewart. It's the story of an alien scalawag
(Robert Preston) who recruits a whiz kid at the video game,
Starfighter, to fight outer space wars to save the universe.
Besides appealing characters and an intriguing plot, THE LAST STARFIGHTER features production design by Ron Cobb of ALIEN, STAR WARS and CONAN THE BARBARIAN fame, plus computer generated special effects that go far beyond anything ever seen on film.

You know, this is probably why many of the people born in the eighties have come out the way they are now.

Check out the hero of our little tale, Alex Rogan:

Who's yo' daddy!

And his trusty sidekick, who proves that alien lizards ALWAYS find subtle human behavior to be funny, and that everywhere, throughout the universe, aliens can speak english with ease, but somehow the Russians cannot. His name, is Grig:

Yum. Don't you wanna give me a kiss?

Ah, but don't forget our young hero's love interest, Maggie:

He'll risk life and limb to be with his one true love.

And last, but not least, the powerful starfighter that ends up saving the day:

Varooom! This thing can fly Fast and Furiously!

I'm afaid for all humanity at this moment.

I was in the living room when my brother started watching this movie. Actually i walked into the living room while he was watching it, and i sat down to work on my computer before i had to continue packing. (Later that night i played against Andy and James in Mario Kart. For how that went, see deadMAN's post above.)

This movie was extremely predicatable. And is was extremely mind-numbing and excruciating. Why, oh why did someone make this crap.

But then i ask it really that bad? Yes it is. But at least they have a couple of excuses. One, it was the eighties. Two, it was a B-movie, by my understanding. Three, they had a small time cast.

So in the end, what was the excuses for: Mission Impossible 2, Tomb Raider, and The Mummy Returns?

For the Boswanians2

I have a brother. His name is Luke. I don't talk about him much, if at all, because well...he is a dissapointment. Think of some of the most annoying people you remember in high school, and compile them. You have my brother. Some of you may have seen him in school. He's currently a senior at Bethel. He's also an idiot, and that's not some sort of misplaced brotherly anger or anything. He really is.

I think, personally, that it stems from being a middle child, or not being loved, or some other psychological crap like that. Who knows, maybe its all of the above, and then some. I think he was once dropped on his head. And then again, there was the time that he was hit by a swing while walking behind someone swinging very high. It was a special type of swing that had some metal part. He survived, but i think it knocked him silly or something.

Here is a picture of him:

Just look at him. That smirk. Doesn't it scream serial muggist, rapist, or "The Fast and the Furious" director?
NOTE: Sorry Steve, i know you like that movie, and i respect the fact that you and drew liked it for the fast cars... But that movie stole 2 and a half hours of my life that i'll never get back. I still have the nightmares...the horrid horrid nightmares. My life now feels like something is missing. I think its a really loud soundtrack intersparsed with the sounds of engines revving.

Yeeup. That's my brother. You think he's harmless eh? Well, let me assure you, he's not. It's like he lives up to every bad stereotype out their for men and islanders. Oh yeah, did i forget his "island pride". Guh....

Let's also just say this. He bought "Entrapment" and thoroughly enjoys it. He also thoroughly enjoys "Mission Impossible 2". The list could go on, but my body and mind won't allow me to punish myself further.

Well, apparently their is yet a darker side to my brother. Some investigative reporting has uncovered a little secret. My brother tutors. Ah, but that's not the bad part. Want to know what i'm talking about. Well, just look and see for yourself:

Hey little johnny.  Do you know what BUTT-SEXX is?
Scary. Yes. Just wait. You remember that picture of him above. You'll be seeing that on power polls, with a warning about him living in your neighborhood.

Yeah, i'd say that was misplaced love as a child. Or middle child. Or...
ah hell...he's just a Paulino.

Do you remember that little league fiasco? Well, the coach of the kid who turned out to be 14 instead of 12 was a Paulino.

That doesn't bode well for me does it? In time eventually my version of the curse will manifest itself.

Then it will come back and get me in the ass.

For the Boswanians1
I Hate Women.
My day begins with a ring

a ringing telephone, that is. Which I didnt get up to answer. In fact, I know the day started much earlier than that, at around 7am, but I promptly went back to sleep until this phone began to ring. Which was my cue that it was 11 or 11.30 - and I had to get my ass out of bed. The answering machine got it. My father left a messege " git your git out of bed and git your git ready for school " - mind you, that is paraphrased. Obviously. Or, well, if it is not obvious, you've either not met my father, or believe him to be a horribly stupid man. Either Or, I continue on with my day, as it almost rivals the synopsus(?) of Andy's week.

crap.... i just got really tired....
ill tell you later.
He Shall Rise!

No, it's not in any way ment sexually. I just needed a title, I'm the deadMAN so well, I'm rising from the dead. I guess. Sort of.

Tuesday:: I went to go check up on some of my job applications. I went to Red Robin in Puyallup, I thought it was a nice place. I enter, dressed in my nice professional Bartender type look. A waitress greets me and asks me what she could do for me. Being my "polite-I-want-a-job" self I tell her I'd like to check how my application process is going. She said that she would be right back with someone. She returns with a rather nice lady who asked me what was here for - I told her why. Then she asked what sort of experience I had, after the mention of the Bartending Academy she smiled and went to summon an even more senior staff member.

My thoughts from this point forward will be in Italics ~

Kick ass, I'm gonna get an interview right here and now. Hello Job!

An overly polite lady greets me and once again asks how she may help me. I repeat the damn polite phrase a third time, she smiles that wierd-short-toothed smile of hers and mentions that all of their bartenders worked as waiters for two years.
Holy shit lady, what the hell do I look like a damn waiter!?
Nodding my head I said "Aah, I see."
She was trying to get rid of me, I could feel it - she was being so polite it was fucking rude. She asked me if I was still interested. As I began to answer she cut me off and said " No, no I didn't think so. " - She smiled again.
I'm gonna rip that fucking smile off yer face cow!
I went on to tell her how I had spent a lot of my college money on my bartending knowledge and that I knew more than any of their waiters could in two years of serving the drinks. I smiled, turned, and walked out.
cheap cow, doesn't want to hire professional help.

I went to Kritckets on Pacific Ave. There I sat down and ordered a drink, looked around - seemed a nice place to work. I even asked the Bartender to make me a Swampwater. She didn't know what it was so I gave her the recipe. She smiled and tried to make sense of my writing ( It was written in my little black book. ) She scrunched up her face and looked at me funny. "Is it supposed to look this gross?" she asked. I smiled, said that it was supposed to look that way and gave it a try. Good stuff. After awhile of looking around and some chicken strips I payed, tipped her for the effort of making a wierd drink and began to leave. She stopped me and asked me my name - I replied ofcourse.

"Well Andy, I'm going to put your name next to this drink in my book. I wrote the recipe down just in case you come back sometime."

I chuckled to myself, said my thanks and left.
Sweet, I got my name next to a drink recipe. Andy's Drink. Fuckin-A...

Wednesday Night:: Damn James and Jeff just can't let my stupid ass win in Mario Kart. Even on the easy gimp level they have to rip victory from my grasp! I hate them. Snitches.

Thursday :: I once again got my nice clothes on and drove to the Academy in Tacoma. I was gettin depressed. The whole damn month of looking for work, specialized work and I had nothing.

Leone - the Academy owner was there that day. I hate that woman, she's just one of those people I can't stand but have to be nice to. I need the Academy's support should someone call them about me. I got the new list of places seeking Bartenders and drove around Tacoma gettin lost. Some very good chances and some not. The golf club already hired just that very day.
Friggin yuppies!

My last spot to check on for the day, Cassidy's Pub and Mini Golf on Portland Avenue. I went inside to introduce myself to the owner / manager (whatever). No application was handed to me. The lady there asked me if I was available for full time or part time.

"Whatever is needed" came out of my mouth.

She proceeded to ask me about why I had stopped my Pierce College education. I'm the honest type of guy, so I told her. After a few minutes of chatting she said,

"Okay, well I'm going to start ya off on Friday and Saturday. Part time right now from 5pm to 2:30am"
. . . . I got a job
"Great, that would be wonderful." I replied.
WTF are you saying! You're just here to inspect the place and see if you -could- work here!

She introduced me to a few of my future 'work buddies' - some huge guy named Jim. A bartender named Jamie, I think. I extended my hand in friendship and said hi. She looked at my hand and then at me. She then raised her hand in greeting.

"Okay, no hand shake." I whispered to myself.
I'm new ya nut! What kind of competition could I be !? You've been here twenty-one years!

I didn't ask what I would get payed, I don't care. My foot is in the door, I shall work my magic, dazzel them with ice and bottle work.
Walking back out to my car after a brief discussion on some minor training and proper dress for the bar I stopped briefly...
I got a job and I never really agreed that I would work here, just inquired about their position...

September 27, 2001


I am sick. I hate being sick. I decided, to make myself feel better, i would come on this and post about how i hate being sick. Right now i am feeling weak and pathetic, and sick. I had to move up heavy craploads of stuff, that in reality i probably don't need. That only made me feel worse. Well, that and moving up all that stuff through elevators that took five to ten minutes to reach my correct floor, and were filled with people inching their way through, and breathing on me.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like people. However, when you are tend not to like anybody.

Anyway, my room is all set up again, and its like i never left. I have to take Calculus on monday though, and if i have this cold even during that time, then there is a good chance i'll pass out in class. There is one thing that i am not capable of (this is not to say that aside from this, i am capable of everything, because that's entirely not true.)

Colds suck. I just want to reiterate that once more.

My roommate, Kyle Batie didn't move in today. Yeah, i get the room to myself...

Okay, time for jEFF to go to bed when he starts rambling.

i see all13
wow, how come i dont get that much attention!??!! i spell EVERY THING wrong and dont get 1 correction!!!! THATS SO SEXIST!!!!! /cry

James " disposable new car " is so crappy.... so crappy that it has.... well... you haft to open the door and look inside, thats all i haft to to look at p----- back to .. my work....
Hello, how { you all } doing{ ? }
I am great {school }is good, and I enlisted in the { Airforce }.
Im at lunch { talking } to Mike -- Shaggy's little brother -- Dan. the man { Aaron }, Drew, and { Jesse }.
I am very bored so, I thought I'd drop by and say hello...

All good children go to heaven

{ hee hee. off to work! }
well well well!! im in school and this is so fun to type about HOW YOU ALL ARE NOT POSTING!!!!!!!! this is sad!!! i mean Aarron got the first post and it was before first bell went off!!!


so what to type about.... i dont know im eating lunch and.... talking to jame and arron. I think when i get home ill post my storie i made up in MY " ALICS " class, its quite funny... back to food yum
Okay it sounds like this "literary creations of spanagraham" idea is going to work out nicely. Just so everyone knows, the requisite for membership is very simple
1. Must be an associate of Both James and Myself "this way we can ensure that Neither his nor my bad taste can corrupt the stuff.."
2. Must live in spanagraham
3. Must be a slug

Okay that is about all...... What I think I would like next is for us to decide on a name and then, after that, we can have some ideas for the site created and set up so that everyone can look at them and we will hold free elections "I.E. vote on what we like.." Okay lets see what goes on next

I am intent on getting us onto THIS WEBSITE so you know how We're going to do it? We're all going to pool together and blast this thing with " Blogger is ( insert some crap ) " or " Man oh man oh man, Blogger is the best thing since sliced bread! " - or some other obviously sick manner in which one will be able ...
what am I doing?
No do not do as I say!

We shall now bow down before the yoke that is blogger-appreciation.

Wharg, I do, against the night,
and against the wind.
against he sunlight, moon, and stars below.
and more-so WHARGH for unborn children,
who must suffer through that which will be,
and something something, forget me not,
where did the mirror go. if anywhere. if.
WHARGH, indeed, I do. and with such fury.
against all. against nothing. against ---

Wow, it says this is the first post of the day. If that's true then something is obviously wrong.

Anyway, Mike, Steve, whoever, let's get that site thingy up as quickly as possible. I have many things I wish to write, but if no one is going to read them there isn't much point. After all I know everything about them and can recall them in my head at any point in time.

Skit Night was last night. Those of you that have gone or are going to Bethel know all about it. I realized how one wins at Skit Night. You don't have to be creative really, whoever shoves the most pop-culture and sub-cultural things into their skit wins. Mr. T, The Karate Kid, Mario, that sort of stuff. That bothers me, that comedy in this day and age consists of regurgitating television shows.

Anyway, I have much work. Bye for now.

September 26, 2001

New Location

I'm packing as we speak to go back up to the dorms. Nice thing really, as i miss it incredibly. Don't get me wrong, i've enjoyed coming down here and hanging out with everyone. In fact, that has rather been the highlight of my time spent down here. Paintball was excellent by the way, as well as all the times spent at Sharis and Top Foods.

Anyway, the next time i post will probably be from the dorms. Expect some new odd creations from the mind of me. Let's see, what else. Well, if anybody decides to visit me, i'll leave my address at the dorms when i get up there. I'll also tell everyone when i'll be up there and when i'll be away. Sometimes it gets boring there and i go around Seattle looking for stuff to do. There is far more stuff to do there than in Roy.

I'm allowed to have guests, and so if anyone wants a tour of the place, or to check out some of the classes on campus, to just sit in or whatever, just stop by. Too bad jimmoi and james are always working, otherwise they could check out the classes, and understand why i prefer college schooling to high schooling. (That isn't to say that there aren't still problems with college schooling.)

I'm gonna go for now, i have more packing to do. I have to decide what i am going to do with my stuff. I don't think i'll move back home next year. I'll probably get a place, an apartment, next summer. That means i'm also doing the ardous task of cleaning up my room for the very last time.

For Reals.

i see all12
Okay Aaron after reading your post once more I think that I ought to say something about truth... How I came to know it, what I know of it, and why you should drill that truth seeking part out of your head............... I started to become interested in truth after my first year of solid pure mathematics when I encountered something called
Symbolic logic, which I thought to be a codification of pure reasoning. You see, underneath pure mathematics is a language called set theory, which, is a combinatorial language used to build what is called the cumulative zermelo heirarchy, the universe of mathematics, the CZH. Mathematical truth may be defined as statements about the CZH, which can be proved by logical sequences of deductive reasoning, that is, truths about this universe which we have created. It was astounding to me that Symbolic logic and Set Theory are so intensly similar in nature, I.E. I saw a strict connection between the archaic art of logic "Aristotle" and the modern art of pure mathematics. This lead me to Frege,Russel, Godel, ... etc ...Symbolic logic is founded in the premise of real thruth, truth about the universe as such, about this reality. Frege,Russel,Godel investigated this apparent connection between mathematics and logic inorder to show, as we have believed for many years now, that mathematics is in fact composed of real truths, truths about this universe, not just about CZH.. I.E. they searched for truth in mathematics... This was at the beginning of a varitable renaissance in mathematics during the 1800's {for Russel/Godel any way...}... what was found, and what I learned/discovered, is that mathematical truths are truths as such, but vacuouse truths, that is... Mathematical truths are always of the form "either P or not P" tautology... This truth is vacuouse because it is nothing more than a word game in a highly sophisticated language, mathematics... Mathematics is the most complex and sophisticated language known to exist, and is used well in phyisics, even if the only valid statements are in the sense of english, quite emptied of meaning...
So that is mathematical truth, vacuouse truths about could-be universes... These are strikingly different in nature from the most profound yet simple truths known to me, such as, My own being existent... Which is not deduced or derived from any chain of reasoning.. It simply is without base or reason known to me and apparent.. and this I could call beliefe or faith, real truth is on par or equivalent to faith..Studying such thinkers led me inevitably to look into Aristotle and finally to fall into the worthless search for truth called philosophy. I realised after reading Descartes Meditations on first philosophy that real and profound truth is inexplicable, that I must search for truth in existence, that mathematics is an empty word game in a language which has more complex word structure than has ever been concieved before...And so I resigned myself to search for truth in this life, but just what is truth really ..?.. Truth is all that is real in as much as you can without doubt or question believe in it... Truth is that which is believed, what you have faith in, or what you do not have faith in...But it is there apparent in the nature of truth that my beliefes and convictions are not somehow bound by truth.. I can be wrong, can choose to be wrong, can faulter and act in a state of illusory understanding... and this is the problem with truth, for in the nature of truth I must realise that unlike a plant or stone or cloud... I am a being with free will.. my convictions are free to be what they may.. I am free to choose.. and I can be wrong in my beliefe. I am not bound to believe things... and that is truth
.. so I exist and have a free will ...{By the way, this is the meaning of a free will as given by Heidegger..}...
I know these things.........(1) I am .......(2) I am free ....... (3) I can feel emotion
But what of emotion... I feel and my feelings change.. but they change without my rationalizing them, without my thinking "this is a circumstance to feel exactly thus.."
My emotions are independent, changing, I think they must be some sensation... but sensing what ?... and thus I believe in something apart from me, different from me... I believe in an external objective reality which exists independantly of myself... because I can feel it and I do not control what I feel......
(4) there exists something other than myself ..
But then I must wonder... is all of this around me truth ?.. is this really real ?.. Is this, like a dream, some foggy dilusion
from which I may, at any moment, wake ?.. As I said, I do believe in an external objective reality, however, I am not certain that this is in fact that reality...... but, how can we save face and keep searching for truth.. can we live without knowning where tomorrow takes place ?... I have to ......
How can we doubt the truth of this reality ?.. I suppose this is because we can "daydream" different realities.. and hence can see they differ from our own... And this is me existing in a state of uncertainty about a world in which I must, as a free being, make choices .. then I am forced to realise, limiting the word reality to "this apparent reality"....(5) The world is not Ideal ! ... .. ehhh... this is getting long winded... There is pages and pages and pages to be written to fully enunciate my philosophical perspective, but any way........ Are you really ready to search for truth ?... To believe in something and let that guide you instead of what you have been told ?... are you ready for freedome of choice ?.. and to ask questions !!! and doubt .. and decide for yourself ?...
Aaron great idea... short stories and prose and etc... sound good to me ........

Mike, I like the idea. It is very similar to The Poetic Link. However this way we could ensure that we wouldn't have any of those "Her eyes were like almonds, gazing deep into the very core of my soul" poems. The domain name wouldn't matter that much anyway, since each author would just have a blog and then the main page would just have to link to them and advertise for the "book", alhtough that may be getting ahead of ourselves. I think you should expand though, not just poetry but prose and fiction and stuff. Sometimes poetry isn't the best vehicle for expression, or sometimes I'm not in the mood to write in that form. Anyway, I'm in if it's okay, whatever you decide.

Now, Steve, about your Black and White thing. If the Warez site isn't up, I got a full working copy off of Morpheus, so although you might have to start over, that's always an alternative. I might suggest to you though that Black and WHite isn't as fun as it should've been, and the multiplayer is a huge disappointment.

So, today my math teacher was talking about Frege and Russel and how they were looking for truth in mathematics. Then he rambled on that their method was flawed because math may be a vehicle for truth, but truth does not lie in math. Everyone in my class started poking fun at him. They kept asking "Yes, but how will we ever find a use for it?" This implies that they do not wish to find truth. I am perplexed, the simple nature of existing seems to be finding and objective truth. Hence Faith... So, now I can understand Mike talking about how I now "exist and stuff". I hate average people, stupid people don't bother me as much, but average people make me sick. Those with conventional intelligence but without the ability to utilize it. Those people that know things, but they don't interpret or create things, those are the average people, and they disgust me.

Also, please make the paintball thing on a saturday, otherwise I cannot go. Remember we can't all be dropouts like you James... just kidding around.

it is almost 4 am there an no one has posted... how odd :)

September 25, 2001

I need to get some snow tires.....this is going to be a nasty winter.


HEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEY..... sorry had to pull a little Mike there .....
I need a Webmaster and some poets. For too long I have been thinking how fun it would be to be involved in a society of poets of some kind... well it struck me this morning.Why not get a web page where each "member" has something of a private blogger deal with comment sections and there they write all their poetry and we all live in blissful delight........ It would simply be a web-based group of writers who write there since there ain't no plase eltse to write poetry.. gawd knows why that is ......
anyhoo I'd like to know what people think about that and also ideas for a name of some kind... the good part will be publishing proceedings of the group, which, I will gladly pay the publishing fee's......... HEHEHEHEH we could sell our book there HAHAHAH !!!!!!! okay now a thing

I exist, feel, will die
I exist
think and therefore am
some cloud of thinking light
I am is truth
like stone I can believe
I'm thinking now I know
I exist for I am thinking I
In what is there I see myself
see myself seeing myself see
me be is a thing what is
I see me being me
what, who am I ?
Feelings in me having feel
emotions in me feeling motion
something else that change me
feeling something else that being
else existing other than me
being world existing changing
feelings my emotions in me
I feel therefore the world a world
at least is real any would be
what I see is what I see
this world around me is I see
I'll die I know is true
I'll be not existing soon
as dead as gone from tiny world
time is short I'll die
existing now at some point end
what, who am I ?
WELLITY WELLITY!!!!!.... i ran into someone that knows james..... Rachel!! =D

i havent got much time to post, gota type out a 12 paragraph essay...... so let me say one th--OH MY GOD HOW CAN U TYPE SO FOOKEING MUCH !!! GOD DAMN!!!! THATS ALOTA SHIEEEET.....
i also say we go on the 14th of oct.... for paint balling... most people can do it that day, for us school shallenged people WHO CANT PASS AND DONT DROP OUT, cant go on 17th... so 14th plz =) i can name about 6 other people who cant go that are VERY important


To pee....
To pee is to relive your self,
to reliver yourself of AALLLLLL the toxins you drink all day,
Now you think to your self,
" why would i want to get rid of theis",


it seems just about every semi-young woman I find in the puyallup area has something in common.
and that one something is HAVING CHILDREN ... what the hell.
This one girl, who seemingly was perfect, replies to my ad.
I go crazy-looney.

Im getting ready to reply and then it strikes.
" Single mother, you have to like children, Im looking for a good guy ... blah blah blah "

pisses me off.

and all the semi-old people want BLACK STUDS
Nice post Jeff. I totally agree. However, like I said we don't have Notorious DEV anymore. Also, we haven't had any of those odd creations as of late, but hopefully the whole slew of pictures Bradbury took will give birth to something. When I get my own computer I might be able to do more than talk about nothing, but until then, nothing it is.

I am so very very tired. I actually fell asleep in a class. I've never done that before. I always lay my head on the desk and try to relieve my fatigue, but I've never actually fallen asleep before.

I had something to post, but I can't remember what it was. However, you should all check out Slick Idiot. I bought their CD and it's awesome.
a fine day indeed for me. i WAS going to get up at 5 am, but i slept in till ten minutes before i had to go catch my train. on my way to the train statioon i had already decided that after my first class (astronamy) i would go home. i had to go to that class so i could pay for my field trip thingy. so after that, i come home after signing out at reception.

awhhh... sleep - good. watched tv, snacked on some homemade bread among other things. i slept a total of 4 hours before my host family got home and i feel better. though my leg is somewhat swollen and discolored, i can still limp about, so i'm good.

tonight i get to go to yet another of this family's birthday parties. my host father and mother both have i've guessing at least 4 syblings a piece and all of them have children, and some of them have kids. so as you can see birthdays are a common place thing for me to go to. *smiles* at least there aren't any young howling babies around at the parties, at least so far!

my guess is the majority of you are in school, at work, or asleep. i wish to learn how to fly. i can fly/build all kinds of model airplanes, but i have not yet learned how to fly a bigger plane. maybe my grandpa can teach me. he is a grouchy old thing, but he will teach you if you really want to learn i suppose. he says 'the only thing like riding a good motorcycle is flying an open cockpit airplane.' i think i will agree with him on that score.

i am still tired :P i have about 20 minutes before i get to go and be with the extensive family. oh yay! i will go now so my little host sister Elin will stop popping into the room looking pouty, waiting for the computer.

hej då min sweets :)
note :
i edit mistakes and/or corrections.
not to splice in words that I believe should replace the original post.
{ by the way, the word would have been " virtual " sharis .... :) }

me go poo.
me go sleep.
me ...

September 24, 2001

...and time passes on

I was reading some of the posts from today and days past. Also, i have been reading the old posts from months and months back, as part of a project. I realize something. Well, not so much as realizing something, as deciding to say something about it now.

We all change. Whether we admit to it or not, we all do. Sometimes in small ways, sometimes in large ways.

That was the first thing. Here is the second thing.

I am currently under the impression that our blogger associations are different, sometimes only slightly so, from our day to day associations in "real" life. We also use this as a forum for bitching, moaning, clearing our heads. In a sense, this place is a mental garbage dump, and at the same time a gathering site.

This place is like our digital sharis. (I hate using the word digital, but its late and right now i can't think of a better term. I half expect james to come up with one, and edit it into this post. *Remember to use brackets james.)

I find all this interesting because more and more i find myself as an observer of human behavior. It is like a puzzle to me. Maybe i shouldn't treat it as so, but that's how i currently see it. When i was younger, i always enjoyed puzzles, and always enjoyed trying to figure them out. (I'm not talking jigsaw puzzles either.) Human behavior is quite an interesting little puzzle. It's a puzzle i never expect to solve.

That's another thing. Everyone always thinks that they've figured out the puzzle. No one will ever completely will. There will always be exceptions. I like that. It makes things interesting.

I enjoy watching the way that slugs change. Months ago we didn't have slugs (thanks james) like DS, dead MAN, or Bonnie. Now we do. Likewise, old slugs (hehe...james and his trends) don't post as much, or have left entirely: . soma., Natalie Natalie, DrJekyll Hyde, red herring. Even myself, i have lacked posting lately. (Then again, i am using a 28.8 kbps modem right now until i get back to the dorms in three days.)

Even the material posted has changed. It seemed like it was just a place of random thoughts, then a place for bitching about things, sometimes a place for heated debate (jimmy vs bradbury, jimmy vs rachelle, jimmy vs ...just about everybody at one point), and then sometimes a place for odd creations ("Say it with Jeff!", "Super Jimmoi Number One!", "Jamson's Guybop").

Anyway, i just felt like mentioning that, because after reading the posts, that glaringly obvious observation seemed to be even more glaringly obvious. For Reals.

i see all11
I think it sold, but I found another.....

It's a 56 Ford Thunderbird.
In Snohomish.
The one's worth about $50,000.

But I'll check on the car I saw the other day.


Bradbury!!! I want to know about the car!
must i continue to see it? what will i do without it? can i exsist anymore without it? i wish i were without it, but i love it! i need to find a way to get away from all of this. it's driving me crazy in an odd sort of happiness. then again, it makes me go into depression everytime i think about it. how did i ever get into all of this? i don't even remember it was so long ago. i hope i can escape, but who is to really say.

look at where the time has gone... my leg is all scraped and bruised. damnable train. now i am limping with both legs. stepping off the train, always be sure to look down and make sure there is ground where you are stepping and not a black dirty dusty gap before the cement. *argh*

astronamy is a very fun class... to bad i don't understand what they are saying, it probably wouldn't be half as boring. next monday i am going to a large telescope observatory place for 6 hours. that will be fun! :)

i have found myself drawn to the stars more and more lately... a kind of connection to home. i see the same ones here you do there only they are much brighter here. it has been getting colder here now. in two days it will be my old friends birthday back there. odd how i actually remember dates once i'm away from it all.

i have come to realize that my carpal-tunnel is slowly but surely getting worse. that is great considering i paint, draw, write, and type on a consistant basis everyday. i miss being able to go to the library and get a good english book. the majority of the english books over here are very boring, though i have found a few that are okay. i love the castle i go to school next to. it's over 1200 years old, has the old moat and everything. i like to imagine what it was like back in the 'day'. i wonder what it would have been like to live in those times. *sighs*

i hate memorizing the names of most things, as if to give them a lable is highly symbolic. oh well, that is the society of the world.

Om att älska dig skulle göra en slav av mig, då skulle jag frivilligt spendera mitt live kedjor.

Du är inte här men jag kysser din kind,
en kyss jag sänder med en smekande vind,
öppna ditt fönster, ställ det på glänt,
för vinden du känner är kyssen jag sänt.

now i will not loose those. :) enigma.

knowing what i do, what can i do? u told me not to worry over any of it but i do. there is no way around this thing.

*kramar självst hårt*
D.S. said she isn't posting anymore. That's what she told me. Not anything against you guys, but she's done. It kind of saddens me. Perhaps Taps is in order:


There we go. For those of you not aware, and I hope this is none of you, Taps is the name of the march they usually play at funerals.

Okay, this weekend was fun. Not only did it result in me having to save all of my lunch money in order to go to Homecoming, but it also resulted in me not having any time to do homework. I'm hobbling still and it's monday. I think I seriously fucked up my ankle jumping down the hill that one time. I'm definitely up for the 17th and hopefully I'm going to be able to do the 12th or 13th as well. I would also like to say that this weekend definitely left me feeling more included, not that I felt alien before, but I didn't feel like I was "in". Now I do.

Taxi Driver was weird James, I've been thinking about it now for awhile, and all I can say is: "BAD JODIE FOSTER!"

and one last note: Did you guys know that you can find anything on the web? anything? heheh.... seemed appropriate.

go ahead.
i know you all will.
i did too.
: you know. its the people that are in the military that are fighting for you, dieing for your sorry ass while you sit around taking up space. who cares if they're main reason for joining was to go to college. its still admirable. not like a stupid highschool drop out that could be more than he is instead of someone that just makes boxes all day. just because you have issues with your father that you are too immature to deal with doesnt mean you should be so heartless when it comes to other people who are actually doing something for a cause, giving up their lives for a country that has better ideals than any other one, the same country that you yourself live in but do nothing to help it. when i think about the sorry state that we're currently in, i lay most of the blame on ignorant people like yourself

sorry... had nothing else to " start " this post with so I took a snippet from my would-be collection of files I have recently ... stockpiled. I'd already replied to the attack, so there is no need to further the obvious ... "corner" they were written into. To tell you the truth I just realized that I've been sitting here in my chair for two hours and just sitting. .... thinking ... and when I ask myself : thinking about what? - I dont get a reply. I've just been thinking. and sitting. for two hours.

I still havent cried. I never cried. Throughout the duration of the accident. Throughout calling and talking to my father. and my foreman. and the people around the place in which the accident occured. not once. I wanted to. some part in me felt bad. horrible. but I was either working in an efficient manner and knew that crying was inefficient. who knows. I was surprised. I can look back and see three "myselves" during that time. One was dead. One was crying. and one was in shock. It makes no sense to you. It shouldnt. In any event.

I still havent cried. I think I should. I can feel the whole-ness of it bottled up inside of me. waiting to be released. I can touch the cap on the bottle, twist it a bit and I can feel the tears begin to boil within. but then I stop. " not now " I tell myself. It isnt time for this. It isnt time for this. There is a place and a time for emotions to be conveyed and/or released. A time in which it will be a necessity. but now I have work to do. I have work to do. I have work to do.

A part of me knows that " other time " in which it will be " ok " will not exist. It knows that " other time " is a fabrication I place upon myself. A manner in which I can avoid dealing with the internal workings of my emotional structure. Of maintaining control. Of making sure I know where I stand. Having stability on the inside. and I laugh. I laugh at myself because I know that is dangerous. I know the backlashes that occur with suppressing internal functions. I know the problems it can develop into.

Animals, such as dogs, dont feel emotions. I envy them. They dont have this internal dillusion that corrupt the things which must and should be done. They just do. Wherein Humans, People, All of you . . . Me - we do. They are a bane. A problem who's solution must be found and put into practice. Implemented. fixed. I have an obcession with fixing things.

I find myself using this as a green book. Ah ... where are my green books now? I will buy a new one so that my next post does not come out as bad as this one. So that my " reader " will not consist of those who actually read. Who REALLY DO respond. Only so that my reader will not read at all. And in the event they do, it will be too late and I will have everything in place. Every lock set. Every bottle tightened. Everything under control.

And yet the world turns.
And so it goes.

I'm just sayin that I think that's why people post less.
At a message board, people discuss stuff. Back and forth.
When a topic dies, someone needs to bring something up again.
Recently, that seems to be the pattern.
Before, it was more a blog. People would just gather and post various thoughts, ideals, etc. And the replies were more in the 'comment' section, less in the 'posting' section.

Another snippet from my files. I would like you all to know this isnt a post in-as-much as it is a " journal " entry. A long, and bothersome journal entry... merely because I know that I will be sitting here... thinking ... for another two hours. maybe more. I should probably sleep. But that doesnt really make much of a difference to me at the moment. I think Im suffering from ennui but then again I dont actually feel that bored. I dont feel uncomfortable either. But I dont feel. I think this is " content. " ... I just am. But I know I just am, shouldnt be. I should be more. I should be more. I should be more. I should be more. I should be more.

I look around my room and find the boxes atop my bed. I think of what I do for work. Funny. I remember being young and taking moving boxes from the house next-door and putting them in a long row in my backyard before we had fences put in because my brothers were little and wandering around / so like other people who had put fences up for their dogs, my parents put fences up for my little, wandering around siblings. so there were a lot of boxes. I remember the smell of them. and I remember getting crayons and coloring all the boxes to look like a space-ship, and the inside had buttons to push which did all sort of things. like time travel. gravity manipulation. and so on. I remember inviting Jennifer over to play in my ship and she was the second in command. she was in the third compartment and i was in the first. it was great fun. The smell on wetlock sometimes reminds me of that. Crayons and cardboard. The next day I went out to go play in them, but it seems that cardboard doesnt hold up well to rain. they were soggy. we had to throw them away. but it was still great fun. a couple days later we found fibreglass rods in the sewer thing. We got them out and sword fought with them. We got massive splinters, but we didnt care. My mother had to pull out each and every one of them because I guess fiberglass cant stay in your skin because it would get infected and be really bad or something. I remember the pain. I remember deconditioning myself to pain. It only hurts if you let it. I would chant that. I had many chants. It only hurts if you let it. Pain is conveyed though channels of the body that you control. You cannot " shut off " the channels. Pain has to go somewhere. Thats why you divert it. You trick pain into going elsewhere... You develop a holding space for it, and then you build a channel, and everytime you feel pain coming you turn on your deflection channel and it will just pour into your holding space. And there it stays. And will always stay, until one day when you didnt see any pain coming it slips in. And then it all comes loose and hits you full force. Brunt. the holding space regurgitates it's pain and the little thing you failed to catch is magnified by countless amounts of times you werent hurt. One must ask oneself if ONE INSTANCE OF PAIN is better than a LIFETIME of such. A troubling question. A troubling question indeed.

Mexicanojugador: your a fucken faggot
Mexicanojugador: you know that
Mexicanojugador: who is this
Mexicanojugador: who the fuck is this
Mexicanojugador: your such a faggot you have to talk shit about people that have passed away
Mexicanojugador: brent would have fucked you up and you know it
Mexicanojugador: you faggot

CLICK HERE to send " Boy oh boy ... are you really stupid! " to the infamous Mexicanjugador.

I dont know. Im listening to good ol Heroine right now. I find myself connecting with a heroine addict and it sickens me. I have a *thing* against self induced drug people. I dont know why. Mike once asked me "so whats with that" - I honesly replied " I dont know " - and in this song he constantly says : " Oh, and I guess that I just dont know ... Oh and I guess that I just dont know " - and it seems so ... direct. I believe partly the reason why I dislike druggies is because I know a part of me is one of them. Highly addicted to things. Very easily. Therefore in the event I were to be addicted to an addictive drug, I'd be twice-addicted to it. I hate being addicted to things. They are weaknesses. You can control people when you know their addictions, and their weaknesses. I have a thing against control. I avoid situations in which I do not know all probable outcomes which can happen. This keeps me safe. It keeps me out of situations in which are dangerous. It is a defense mechanism before defense is needed. I dont exactly need shields against drugs when I'm never " written into " situations where they are prominent and used. It has been suggested to me, twice now, that I should do marjiuana. Get high. Sit back and relax. As much as I say no, with spite and hatred in my mouth and on my tounge, a bird rests itself on my left shoulder and whispers in my ear :

" YES! "

and I hate it.
being twenty is stressfull.
having a " life " which also dabbles in the thing known as " reality " is ... a drag.
stress emenates from every pore in my body.
I can feel it sweep in every direction from my feet the instant one touches the ground.
It pours onto the ground and dances its way into the grass, or gravel, or concrete.
But I will not succumb to drugs yet... not by a long shot. Not by a long shot. So I ask around for other modes of relieving stress. Of getting past the things which drag one down into the ground. That pull your soul into a cess-pool of insanity. Cell block #413-008. And, sadly I hadnt seen the answer before-hand, the answer came back in a resoundingly loud fashion :

I fail to see how intercourse would relieve one of stress. But then again. I have multiple reports that it is something that must be felt, not told. " little death " - therefore any computation I have of it wont ... " work. " ... I run the line " James doesnt like feeling good, intercourse is suppose to represent ultimate pleasure, james doesnt enjoy hedonism, therefore in all cases all resulting actions leading to intercourse should be avoided as my response is either entirely bad, or unpredictable since "ultimate pleasure" has never been experienced "

It is fun how things work out when you think about them, and therein lies the problem : I analyze things much too much. But, as aforementioned, that is my defense mechanism. I protect myself quite efficiently. Sometimes too effeciently. In some cases "being hurt" ... in little ways - in manners that dont hurt a lot, but hurt none-the-less, ... in the long run are better than my expulsion of emotion all at once. " BULK EMOTION. " ... heh.

Late one night I found the following :
New Horizons: (206) 745-3156
Original Circles: (206) 227-0567
PALS: (206) 876-2181
Fantasy Northwest: (208) 773-5158
M & M: (503) 285-9523
HUGS: (509) 921-1973

and have kept it along with all the other files I've been posting inbetween my little ... " thought paragraphs " - the six numbers are numbers to " swingers " groups. Groups which profess that sexual deviancy ( poligamy ... or adultry, .... or sexually charged orgies... whatever the fuck they're called... MULTIPLE SEXUAL PARTNERS ) is an " A - O - K " thing and they so embrace such a lifestyle. Maybe one day I'll look into it. Maybe.

For reals? FOR REALS.

For the longest of times I've played with writting a hand-written letter to someone I do not know. I use to have the website of the person / but I didnt write that down. Now all I have is his address in which I can send the mail to. I dont know what I'll say - or if I will ever write the letter. It will be a curious thing, indeed.

A car has been found for me for 500$ - my next paycheck I should be getting it. It, also, is red. It is an automatic ( augh ) and it has 6 cylinders. It is a '89 ... I dont know the make... or model. dont really care either. it'll run. and i'll drive it. and i'll yield on green. thats for sure.

September 23, 2001

the 17th is a wednesday, i got schoo that day /cry /cry i like the 13 or 14 idea better, peferbly the 14th

me go sleep now.... school bbaaddd
i havent posted on the forum in an eternity but im back now and all is well, i have good reason though. You all or all who know me know im a debate geek so ive been doing massive amounts of research on our new topic which has consumed every waking moment and havent had time for anything and now this terrorist bullshit has just exploded the topic even further.......*gasp* reason number 347 on why to kill osama bin laden, he ruins the fun of after school "activities" and thats one you wouldnt have thought possible. Not to mention that because of him my stock dropped 13 3/7 is getting miserable with every breath of air. Last night I had a dream I went to college. I wonder if my curiosity will ever take me to such places; that, i sincerely doubt. I've already planned on a life of low aims, to the career decision of becoming yet another of the world's starving artists. Such a common career but never the less an important one. That and I just got a new guitar, so I'm taking time away from homework, something very trivial in my life, to do something more constructive.....thats it. umm not much else, except our debate coaches were dooped into taking us on the road trip again in november but this time im taking my video camera that way i can start making a living off of exploiting the severe sexual deprivation of my teammates to the underground industry......anything to make an extra buck or two, i could also utilize the tapes to back-stab, so this should make for some bit of entertainment. we shall see.
How about October 12 or 13?
And then Nov 17 also? - still selling shoes there.....


apparently converse went out of business.
therefore.....i no longer am able to buy my favorite shoe in most places.
only hole in the wall indie rock shops in seattle and olympia.

fucking dammit.

you should do nov 17..ill get to fucking go to that.
Ok guys Jeff wants me to ask you guys if anybodys up for another game of paintball on Nov 17th
whos in? i think i might come if i have any money at all
I liked the idea that Andy came up with for a new game in paintball.
No hoppers, you have to drop rounds in to the gun one by one.
Anyone else like it?


Are you guys talking about the sharis on canyon? My mom used to work there, like not two years ago
Uuuurrg... 12:30pm... must... sleep... more...

Mario Kart - fun fun, yes.
3hrs sleep - shrugs It could have been less.
Paintball - Massive fun, pain, recieving long distance head shots which pretty much knock me on the ground, dirt, exaustion, burning muscles, sore.
Deleted Movie - . . . . . . .
Shari's - Good food, fun hang out, waiter / waitresses are nice there.
Home - My bed never felt so good.

... urg, can't believe that headshot didnt leave a mark. It knocked my ass into some bushes after all, man that hurt, had to lay there to collect my thoughts awhile, figure out what the hell just happend.

Been a fun weekend. Oh yes. I go now... hobbles off slowly
One less car, a scar, two hours of music video, and a tatoo.

that is my weekend.
to begin with : I would like to point out that my car no longer functions merely because I failed to yield at a green light and slammed into another moving vehicle. Please notice how another moving vehicle is not A STATIONARY TREE. I also was not under the influence of any substances. I have a ticket I must pay, and a towing fee. thats about it. of course my insurance will go up. and I will have to struggle to get to work each day until I save up enough money in which to buy another P-05 car. flugh.

moving on / as you can see from bradbury's pictures I took Aaron out on a little one-on-one shoot-out for paintball. I was going to school him like no other. I walked passed the building and calculated that he went AROUND the house. So I was going to come out behind him. But I failed to remember that there were tires behind the house. ( are those new? ) lo and behold, we startled the fuck out of eachother, he shot me once in the thumb because I rolled on the ground / trying to avoid him. I was shot then in the hand, which you'll see through bradbury's photo-shoots. it's a yummy one, hopefully it will be a scar. fun.

The fast and the furious was a movie beyond all possible descriptive words. The best way of putting it was when Jimmoi leaned over and said : " It's like one big long music video! " - and then the movie seemed to have some sense of "direction" - bradbury was entirely right about it being car porn, with the exception that pornography has a general sense of " plot " as well. As Andy said : " That makes fucking the burgular seem rather viable " - or well, not in those exact words. It bothers me that homecoming will be ... " about " that? I dont see how. After-wards we went to sharis. we were all tired. everything was slow. and then Sammi came up to me. we had an interesting conversation. it went as thus :

Sammi: Hey guys!
All of us: Hey Sammi.
Sammi: so that's one coffee, three waters? - hey you guys going to be around for awhile because in an hour I can show you my tattoo.
All of us: why not just show it in here?
Sammi: something ( mumble mumble ) yadda yadda
All of us: ok . . .
Sammi: and dont go asking "what does that say?" because it doesnt say anything - i showed some people it earlier and they said that and I said " it doesnt fuckin say anything! "

Sammi goes off, we wait awhile, he comes back

Sammi: so you guys ready to order?

Jimmoi orders some steak. Andy orders some ... breakfast thing. Jeff orders cheese fries. Jimmoi orders cheese fries for Aaron. I order blueberry pancakes.

Sammi: ok, thanks guys.

more time passes, Sammi then comes back

Sammi: so how's your girlfriend?
Me: ( laughing ) I have no girlfriend, but I know who you mean.
Sammi: oh....
Me: she'll probably come by and slip you a napkin someday and ask { edited }
But a word to the wise, stay out of the ( taps on head ).
Sammi: ( laughing more ) oh no no no.

Sammi moves forward, pulls up his right arm / brandishing a tatoo

Me: ahh ... GATACA
Sammi: ( jokingly ) fuck you man.

The tattoo featured a double helix, which at the end turned into a broken barcode. at the top in text it said " I am silence " ... then Sammi said he would no longer allow women to maintain control over him because of his cock. That he wouldnt touch her because women are more trouble than their worth. he then began to recite something about life, and silence, and then finished off with " I am silence " - I imagine the entire quote/recital was tatooed on his back. Finishing off with " I know Im a barcode but you know what? Fucking so are you " - he began walking away towards the coffee machine.

Sammi and me simultaneously: Women are just fucking insane.
Sammi and me simultaneously: Thank you.

it was funny. I laughed.
then I came home and slept.

a weekend that memories are made of.
one hell of ride.
a fast, and furious, ride.
well here it is my last day at my moms this weekend, i now have only a few precious hours here what to do in that short time. Ill probably end up going to Y or something gotta make an attempt to loose some weight i suppose. Oi think ill go send some mail to somebody
someone posted this in my website guestbook. i think its a real person too..not just a joke. HA

Name: deidra
Favorite Bands: limp bizkit,slipknot,korn,slayer,sum41,kittie,kid rock,creed,staind,adema,puddle of mudd,drowning pool
Website URL:
Location: earth
Comment: kick ass site,sign my guestbook if u go onto my site

September 22, 2001

at least people read my posts apparently.......

glad to hear everyone founbd time to hang out and do paintball...

too bad im in fucking IDAHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


how the fuck come you guys get to do fun shit like shooting jimmois car when im GONE.


i feel out of the loop.
Wow Bradbury nice pics, wish i woulda gone but i had neither the deniro nor the transportation to get there
it was a really nice day today too
oh well
Aaron here are some song lyrics for you, see if you can guess what band it isi still feel the cold
of long past days
i knew my worth
put in my place
it's no surprise
i realized some time before
sun shines through haze
i put my thoughts
toward future days
it's no surprise
i close my eyes
and close the door
feeling so old
years pass like days
fastly changing
so many ways
my eyes perceive
yes i believe in nothing more

and yes zachO i read your posts
well.... i passed out from the pain of my chest.... i mean... i layed down... then bwam i forgot what happend... that was some good shit, my chest hurts like a bitch head ach lingering right there and and im in the state of FUCK YOU ALL YOU GOD DAMED MOTHER FUCKERS!!! GOD DAMN DIE!!!! *gumbles* I hope james said SOMETHING about what i said to his ass.... you mother fuckers piss me off so bad... " so what we doing at sheeris " or " when we going to cheepo theater " WELL YA KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU....... THATS SO GOD DAMNED INSULTING, IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP YOUR GOD DAMED HEAD OFF AND CUT OFF YOUR ARMS AND LEGGS AND THEN THROW YOU IN A GOD DAMN LAKE.... SO DONT EVER FUCKING ASK ME WHAT THE HELL YOU GUYS ARE DOING OVER AT SO AND SO's HOUSE!!!!!

other then that.... i got this pos thing in my mail about miss cleo
"My name is Cleo, and I am a Master Tarot Psychic. I had an exciting dream last night that could affect the rest of your life!

I was so moved by the dream, that I shared this with my psychic associates. With this knowledge our prediction powers have been heightened. I am asking you to call immediately and, if I am not available, you must speak to one of my gifted Tarot readers who will know how to use this knowledge to immediately change your future. It could be that exciting.
Please call right now:

I can't tell you too much here, but I will say that the experience will amaze you as much as it did me. There may be many wonderful things coming into your life very soon, in fact maybe in the next 10-14 days. You could be one very lucky person.

It's not often that I get overwhelmed, especially through a dream, at the prospects of good fortune for people. So you can see why I am overjoyed about what the future holds for you. Your life may drastically change for the better.

and at the end YEP YOU GUESSED IT Must be 18+. For Entertainment Only.

so heres my email back to her....

1) this better not be some f----n way to make me call

2) it better be bloody true


4) how did you get my Email

5) why should i call, you give me one reason, tell me 1 thing in my life thats alredy happend THEN and ony THEN i will call

6) me and all my friends think your so full of crap. records can be found on just about everyone 18.... but if u tell me 1 thing that happen to me that was never officaly called.....

7) if you can " see the future " then why not win the bloody power ball or something, infact ill believe your a real .. what ever you guys gals do... Is REAL...

8) i probably wont even freeking hear you about this, or ill get one of your drones.... infact THIS is peobbably a random thown out to me because i wanted a free tool set, now if youll excuse me, im going to go block 400000 other " I HAVE FREE STUFF FOR JOO!! " ......

well i just posted enough for a bit....

other case, i think that one girl you got pics of, you think she noticed a 60000000000 pound man ( no offance ) following her and taking picturs of her??? i think she was a little freeked out.... ither that or turned on heh.
and other then that nice site, sweet, simple, and easy to find stuff!!! EVEN FOR MY PSYCOTIC SELF!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH..... im gunna post now ( copys eveything )

just.... f....f.....f....frek...freggen.... * gasp for air * die? ugh * fall to floor *
going back to MY REAL life...... YA THATS RIGHT!!! EQ!!
To start off-the original "Gone In 60 Seconds"-way better than the remake. And the remake kicks ass.

PAINtball Pictures.....
HERE THEY ARE!!! Woo-hoo.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I sure played harder today than I have in a long time. And I'll pay for it tomorrow.


Almost there.....
must have pictures of woman.
bradbury. hurry. post. must .. have .. pictures.
Here it is 1am, bout an hour ago i drank an entire mason jar full of hot chocolate. Man that was great. Hmm im not sure if i have any homework either. Mr. Rexus is like a creepy guy, we were about to take a test and he was telling us to be quiet and that it was like watching 5 year old kids and then he launched into this whole spiel about us being 15,16,17, 18 and how we have to be responsible or wed get arrested for vehicular homicide. And coming from a guy that short it was kinda funny, his face was all red and his voice was all huffy. He looked like Mario sorta. It was crazy.
*Schniffleschniffle* Me and Tasha went to go get Tori tickets, so we stayed outside of ticketmaster forever. As soon as it opened, we went in. They had 12th row floor seats, but we wanted to be in the balcony. It took, like, 12 seconds to check if there were any balcony seats-and in that time, they all sold out, except for the really bad seats. We bought them anyway, but I am sad. The end.
Sounds like everyone that went to the Jimmy Day had fun. So who all went?

I do read your posts Zach, but the fact that I don't comment on them is... ? so yeah. I get to go out tonight... oh yippity do'da day :P
OK not that I don't support America, but that's not something you yell accross the Shari's parking lot at two in the morning. At a total stranger. After asking him to pick up someone else's trash. And threatening to turn him in for littering (on private property?) for someone else's garbage.

Truthfully, I would have picked it up even if he hadn't read back my plate.

That pisses me off....

But I'm over it, and he's still inbred.
I read them too, I just never feel the need to reply.

Just got back from [my first] Jimmi day.
A fun time was had by all, until that Puyallup hick came over.
WTF was his deal?
I should have taken his picture when he read my plate number back to me.
Ignorant pile of shit.

I think he just didn't like a couple things:
1) I was driving a "Japanese" vehicle {which is a Toyota made of more than 60% American parts; assembled in Princetown, Indiana}
2) That the aforementioned "Japanese" vehicle being nicer than any he, his family or friends own.

The "Support America" I heard while driving away (tires screaming, of course) backs this up.

Fucking Puyallup hicks. That was kinda funny though.

In a sad, shallow-end-of-the-gene-pool way.

Oh, yeah, Heather-I was going to tell you that I saw the perfect car for you today, but you didn't seem to be in the car buying mood....


Hello guys! Yes, Zach, I read your posts.

Amber is being difficult. This prompts me to post.

When my mother died, my father told me that I now had some shoes to fill in certain respects-namely, the rearing of Amber. but she doesn't listen to/respect me. Too bad. Normally, I wouldn't mind. but my mother's shoes were a full 2 sizes smaller than mine. How am I supposed to fill a set of shoes that don't fit?
does anyone asides from james and jeff read my posts?

anyone at all?

September 21, 2001

Heh....Did I see James at BHS today?
I saw someone who looked like him (was it?) around 2:30, as I was driving by. I pulled in to talk to him, but (doh!) pulled into the stadium road that doesn't go into the main BHS parking lot. I played it off as if I needed gas from trans, but my van was at 3/4 tank. It had only been 150 miles since my last fill, the pump wouldn't have let me get any. And, as I had no reason to be at BHS, I just left. Ugh.

I feel for you James, that really sucks.
Thank you Jeff!

I'm assuming you're talking about James, and not Jimi, so I'd just like to mention all those time you [james] called me a bad driver. hahahhahaha.

James got into an accident. Quite a nice accident actually. Well, nice in the sense of the look of the car. Very...totalled. He now no longer has a car. The entire front is mashed in. But damnit, that damn bunny was never killed.

Philbert didn't die. I was sooo hoping that a steel rod has slammed into its torso, sending bunny-fuzz flying through the car, as if James were thrown into a blizzard. A blizzard of Philbert-bunny guts.

I'll take a picture of Philbert, and then you'll understand what I'm talking about.

Also, we are going to take some pictures of the car, and i'll post them, or james will. Ach.

He is now talking about not getting another job, and quitting this one...or at least that's my understanding of it.

Anyway, enough of the james car accident for now. He'll post more about his traumatic event i'm sure. That and expect to hear the phrase, "Yield on Green" being muttered from his mouth for a good long while. Good stuff...

What else...

Oh yes,

people should be at Sharis. James is still going, only now andy is taking him, as well as me. And then, we are going to james' house, where we will watch a good amount of movies, maybe even watch "The Interview" again. Its kind of like "The Usual Suspects" but different, and made by australians. Which reminds me, i need to see "The Usual Suspects."

Also, we play Mario Kart 64.

Okay, enough writing for now...
Be at Sharis, 11:45 pm.

i see all10


I was surprised and dismayed to learn from Rachel this morning that I had told you that you should not be involved with her. She was obviously more upset than I at the news. I want to clarify that if that is what you understood from our conversation, I am sorry. I had no intention of leaving you with that impression. That is not at all how I feel.

Without getting all philosophical, I think people are with the people that they 'need' to be with. If you are with her, great, if you are not, great. Far be it from me to tell you what to do. The only thing I would want for either of you, as well as anyone else, is that you are happy with who you are and your lives.

Mike I feel for you man. Hopefully I'll see you tonight. One question though, is Rachel coming? We seem to not get along.

And now, JAKE:

Hehe.... Well, I have only posted like once or so. Anyways, James, Your brother has exceeded you just a bit. He DOES stare at girls asses and doesn't whine about it when he does... Just thought you should know. =) jshafuha. Just though you should all know that to. Hahahahahaha. Hmm... here's AaRoN

The thoughts, opinions, and grammatical errors in the above lines are not my own and are not to be associated with me. Ten dollars to whoever can guess what jshafuha stands for.
oh, one more thing... if I'm still around (and likely will be) on my 45th birthday, shoot me.
Funzo... a frase I use over here... I stole it from mud :) Arbitrary... one Mike uses quite often, or did... I use that one as well... plah!! hehe...

So there is the serious talk of war going on, that is news to me. The press world wide has been milking it for all it's worth. Something about the catastrify has been in the paper every day. I've stopped paying attention, that and it takes to long to try and translate it! Please keep me posted as to what is going on. I admit I am getting a little annoyed at tiems hearing the same damn thing every day at some part of it, but that is a part of life.

If we did send in the ground troops and it was the 'west against the east', would it be considered the World War III? I admit I am clueless about this thing. I live a happy ignorant life the majority of the time, what can I say?

I know mud is a box factory worker, but what is your job Mike? Did I miss that on a post, or is it a big mystery? hehe... :)

If there were a 3rd world war sometime in the next year, do you think that they would close the international airports, and if so, would that mean that I'm stuck over here? Now that would be interesting! :) I'm in one of the only nuetral countries in the world. Sweden hasn't been in a war in almost 200 years. Oh yay... *sighs* What I had posted yesterday in swedish translates into:

'Hello all sweethearts! Bush is a little pig... hehe... He should resign! Because I don't like capitalists! All countries should have Gudrun Shyman as a president! Amen!

He walks like a damn statue... or something like that.'

There you go Bonnie, just for you I translated it. :) So anyway, I have to ask questions now to both the students of Bethel, the past students of Bethel, and our one teacher who works at Bethel thise... What teachers are good to have in your SENIOR year... the ones who are nice, the ones who actually teach you things, and the ones who are just great teachers in a well rounded way, and what do each of these people in those categories teach?

I'm thinking about my senior year already, scary thought in a way. I still have the majority of this one left. :) If anyone here like REALLY old books, and you care to take the time to learn swedish to understand them, I can send some to you. Found some beautiful old poetry books, some just on facts, childrens books... ect. They call them second hand stores, but these are like our antique shops in the states... all nice quality things. :) Found some beatuful silver jewelry, an old wooden box thingy... I've started to collect boxes, along with my old coin collection. Now I can collect foriegn coins as well. :) It will be a sad day when all this pretty money, the paper kind too, in all or most of the European countries all looks the same and yeah... *lost train of thought* (not like I really had one anyway!)

Back to the topic of war... if we do go to it, would any of you voluntarily sign up to go and fight overseas? I admit I wouldn't. I am not patriotic, and as far as I'm concerned the people in the Twin Towers and the Pentagon are purely gone, and that is the end of it. I feel slightly sorry for the people who it happened to, and their family/loved ones a bit... but other than that I guess I'm just heartless about it. I don't think we need to killl even more people merely to satisfy our need for revenge and to show all the other countries that we are still the 'number one' country and we can't be beet. I mean, does it really matter? I don't know... feel free to critisize my thinking, you may change/sway my mind in your direction, you never knnow. But in the end I will think how I want to think, or think I should think. hehe... :)

I have been tired a lot lately in the past several weeks. I wonder if it is from just the fact that I'm in a totally new enviorment and I'm getting stress/stretched out mentally, physically, and emotionally or something else. When I am actually quite awake, I look dead beat tired, so it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore these days at times in my mind. I question whether or not even caring matters. heh... (yes, that was NOT hehe)

Well I think this is a good time as any to conclude my pure thoughts of the day... LOL... not that they make much sense anyway, that and I have made many spelling errors, and I do believe I have repeated meself a few times... as I keep saying though, oh well.

hej då, god natt.... *kramar for all my sluggy friends* :)