The Walleroo!
Okay... years and years ago... I went on a tirade about how Kangaroos
and Wallabies are evil and that they would be used one day in the
ultimate conquest of the human race.
And of course you fuckers didn't believe me. You all never do. It's
always more of the: Oh what crazy thing is Jeff talking about now..."
First, to that I'd just like to say:
I hate you all. Especially
you Michael, you FURRY-FREAK!"Secondly..., and far more importantly:
I WAS RIGHT!
Don't believe me? Big surprise...
But now I have proof. Proof that I was right, which turns out to
usually be true 95.67% of the time.
Wallaroo, goat escape from Vanilla Ice's house in Port St. Lucie
Associated Press
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - New hit songs may not be coming for Vanilla
Ice, but the rapper's animal troubles are.
The singer who had a 90s hit with "Ice Ice Baby" called animal control
officials Wednesday to report that a wallaroo and goat found wandering
around Port St. Lucie over the weekend had escaped from his backyard,
city officials said.
The rapper, whose real name is Robert Van Winkle, may have problems
getting his pets back. The wallaroo, a cross between a wallaby and a
kangaroo, is considered an exotic animal and is not allowed in Port
St. Lucie. Farm animals such as the goat also are banned.
The animals were picked up Saturday by Port St. Lucie Animal Control
after a woman reported them, saying the 60-pound wallaroo had
scratched her and kicked her car.
Van Winkle was not at his Port St. Lucie home Wednesday. A schedule on
his Web site said he was in California taping a motorcycle commercial.
In January, Bucky the wallaroo accidentally scratched his face. That
forced him to cancel photo shoots and interviews for his appearance on
VH1's "Surreal Life" reality show, which featured celebrities whose
fame had faded.
Van Winkle, 36, bought the wallaroo from a Florida breeder after his
Arctic Canadian lynx died three years ago, he has said in interviews.
Van Winkle was cited twice in 1998 for keeping the lynx in his
backyard.
Now don't go telling me that Vanilla Ice is not evil in some way...
and now he keeps, as a pet, the combined evil of a kangaroo and a
wallaby!
And he has a goat!
We should all know from "Amityville Horror" that goats are evil.
Goats are those things that get sacrificed in the Bible.
Now, if and yours were sacrificed in the Bible over and over again,
don't you think that you'd be a little pissed and turn into an evil
animal? And Wallabies and Kangaroos are the same. I mean, c'mon,
Australians don't have goats over there (or they were imported) (or
they probably do but... I don't care), so instead they sacrificed
Wallabies and Kangaroos... pissing them off, and making them hate
humanity.
Couple all that animal hatred with Vanilla Ice, who has every reason
to hate people for shunning him after the fiasco that he calls his
music career, and you have one man more dangerous than all the
terrorist groups out there.
Something to think about.
With regards to this board... the board is dying not necessarily
because everyone is lazy (that's my single reason and not your alls)
but because 1. the novelty has worn off, and 2. james hasn't done
anything in a long time worth reporting about and making fun of.
It's been years... so if you want to increase traffic to the board,
you have to start doing stuff outside of the board. Camping, movies,
lighting James' hair on fire...
I personally like the board. Always have, even though I don't have
time to post sometimes. I've been learning some stuff on the side
which should actually make my posts more ... unique.
If you all are going to do something to the board... at least leave
the board for me. I like it. I will continue to check it even when
all of you are dead.
(Which will be in 13 months, six days, and eleven minutes - commuter
bus accident)
--
Jeff Paulino, BS
5215 15th Ave NE Apt. 19
Seattle, WA 98105
206.930.5344 (MAIN PHONE)
206.277.4761 (WORK TEL)
