July 23, 2001

I am Homo Sapiens Sapiens... I am a wild beast.....

I am a an animal of sophistication. I walk erect and proud. I eat on a table and with metal tools. All my meals are properly prepaired for me. I often engage in dignified conversation at supper time; I love a good spot of tea in the afternoon. I drive an automobile to get around. I never excrete where I am not supposed to. I am sure to sweep everything ugly under the rug. .... What took place last night, I should not say, but I must tell you anyway.... Maybe it was the air yesterday, maybe it was when I decided to walk barefoot in the grass and look at the clouds. Maybe it was reading Sartre's The Reprieve and hearing again and again and knowing and feeling and crying at the reality of WAR... I know what war is.. but do you ?... billions of us, Homo Sapeins Sapiens, us, dignified, sophisticated, proud and erect creatures... we are the sole possesors of language, we are the inventors... what do you do with langauge ???.. we make harsh words at one another... what do you invent? Weapons of death and destruction... We KIll and we slaughter and we attack and destory; all the while talking of Jesus and the golden rule... I must have had enough frightful anger in me yesterday, when I looked outside for a second and found in the sky a billion dreamy stars. I felt an animal magnetism there.. the stars, primeaval furnaces of creation, they called to me, beconed me to join them in a fiery night of life and death and rebirth...I found myself weak to fight them, they are dizzying in number and hypnotic in appearance, the only things that our devilish hands may never chance to cover with the filth of our bodys defication... I grabbed a sleeping bag and went out into the lawn to watch the stars. I thought I might sleep there in the warm summer night... I stared at the stars and after a moment I felt strangeness around me, in me, near me... I hurt for better or for worse and scolded the damnd killers and rapists and murdering bastards who make life so horrid a thing. I watched a single star, everything else disappeared, that single star was lighting the universe and dancing around, swimming in the sky. I thought it odd, stars are not supposed to move around, and where had the rest of the universe gone ?..The thought had only begun to take form when I twitched and finally a little pin inside me popped. I stripped my clothes off completely, stood there, white flesh bare in the night. The cold wrapped it's dreary arms around my legs, scared my penise up inside me, and poured into my lungs. I beat my chest and Howled to the moon, all thought vanished and I began to run. I crushed the moist salady earth under my feat as my leg muscles contracted fiercly. My heart began to thunder mightely and my lungs to burn with frozen air. I ran right through a dense thicket of bushes and shrubs. The underbrush tore at my skin and for the first time in my life, I could smell blood. It is sweet and musty like an old book covered with honey. My body looked like a ghost, white flesh looming in the black torpor of the night. I suddenly stopped and stooped down low. My prey was near, I could hear it thrashing about, sniffing and snooting like an angry mule. I grolwed and cried like a lion, saliva dripping from my fangs. The prey began to run, I could hear it take off through the bushes. I chased after it, leaping and tearing over logs and through dense shrubs. It was not long that I found myself leaping over a fence and into a yard. I spotted my prey, no longer running, it looked back at me with yellow glowing eyes and began to growl and bark.I fealt my heart clench and my vision focused perfectly as the beast charged at me with its white fangs exposed. At that moment my body began to move with encridble speed, like an instinct or a reflex, I leaped high into the air and the fuming beast ran right under me. I turned as I lept, knowing somehow where to look, and came down on the beasts back. I gripped my prey tightly in my arms squeezing with all my might. I bit it hard and fiercly in the leg, it pathetically yelped and clawed and squirmed. I had captured the beast, my prey, the monster in me... I looked into it's eyes and began to cry, I could no longer hold it still. The beast ran away and I covered in scraps and cuts naked and cold, wet, tired and hungry, Wondered where I was, how I had got there... how to get home.. I am a modern Human Being, Homo Sapiens Sapiens. I walk tall erect and proud. We alone have the gift of langauge, we are the inventors,.... what do you use langauge for ?.. To make harsh words at others... What do you invent?.. Weapons of destruction, for killing innocent people... I hated the killers the rapists and the murdering bastards.. I hated them and found inside me a savage killing beast.. How can I hate if I am any less a monster ?

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