Did you know, when a fist hit's you in the face there are little flashes of light like stars in the night sky ?.."To those I know who won't know me"

Fifteen minutes ago I was bleeding on the ground a few blocks from my house. I picked myself up and walked home, when I looked in the mirror I noticed a few big swolen red spots , I hope they will turn into purple spots by tomorrow.... "How did this happin ?" you might ask. I will tell you.

10:00 P.M. Mike is at Rachel's house with Rachel and Stephany, when Mike notices Stephany reading a magazine...
11:00 P.M. Mike is still thinking about how perfect the people in that magazine look, and how imperfect an attempt Stephany/Rachel have made at looking like them...
11:30 P.M. Mike arrives home, by this time he is red with anger at the media centered world of perfect images and perfect dreams. He can no longer stand all of the suffering he has had to endure in his life because it has always been anything but those perfect images he saw on television and heard about in fairy tales. "This is why I no longer watch TV /listen to popular music/ read fiction/ play video games..."
12:00 A.M. Mike started to feel an intense need to go for a walk and try to restore his normal ability to sweat off the fact that the world is nothing like what most people pretend it is.

I went for that walk. As I was walking around late in the night I was thinking to myself.... I used to find myself crying on the floor, unable to move, pearced with pain and suffering, crying on the floor. It used to happin at random times during the week, sometimes several times a week. I couldn't help the feeling of desparation and loss, my world was constantly attacking me, hiding the secret to making it perfect. I hated everyone I knew, they were imperfect, they did everything wrong and obviously tried to make themselves lose. I had no reason to like anyone or anything... Once I was riding the Red-Line subway in boston, as i left the subway and made my way back to the apartment I was living in, I heard someone playing "Dust in the Wind" By the time I had walked back to the apartment I was a blubbering mass of tears. I hurt very badly at that time... Why ?... Because I am supposed to be special, I am supposed to be a rock star, I am supposed to be everything great, and you have told me so. Everyone has told me so, I see it in the eyes. I know that the world would like me better, you would like me better, If I were a great amazing star. I know it because you tell me so when instead of talking about our lives, you talk about the latest great song, the latest great movie, the latest great book..You tell me when you think we should all get together and spend time hanging out with a thousand other people who want to get a glimpse of a star, who you want to know... when all you want to do is look at other things and other people and other places..I am supposed to be rich, because that is what you want from me.. I am supposed to be everything great and amazing, because that is what you told me... I have to drive the greatest car, because that is what you told me when you wouldn't date me.... when you laughed at me and turned away because I didn't have the money..I am supposed to wear the greatest style, because that is what you want, everyone perfect like the models in a magazine... You want to be like them, no one wants to be like me... you want to talk,dress and act like them... you never want to be like me... I am supposed to be the greatest most amazing thing, because that is what you want from me... Well I hate to tell you this, Those stars dont love you, I do... Those stars don't care for you, I do.. those stars don't know you, I DO...Those models don't cry when you call them names or tell them you don't like them, I do... those stars aren't your neighbor/friend/lover/son/brother..... I AM !!! And I hate not being everything you want..... And I thought about it more and more... Finally I snapped and in one flash I felt a sharp pain, a dull thud as my fist fell flat against my face... you know that sound of fists pounding flesh you hear in movies like "Fight Club" ?.. well that is exactly what it sounds like...When they tell you there are stars, I am telling you there are.... everything goes black for a second and all you see are some small stars set against the inside of yoru skull... The pain was a sudden thing, but, before I knew what i was doing It came like a thunder "Thud, Thud, Thud..." And over and over like the fast beating of a perfect drum I struck myself with tight fists. I didn't feel any pain, I was numb... I just kept seeing stars and hearing flesh being pounded... I felt my pulse increase, and a large release of adrenaline into my system. My senses picked up and I felt as though I could fight like a lion. I hurled myself against a wall, threw my body around and around smashing my arms/legs/face/back into the ground.... I stood up to catch my breath, and the hot air exhailed from my ostirls excited me..."Thud, Thud, Thud..." More beating of that drumm..."stars, stars,..." Finally I collapsed into a wretched pile of beaten flesh... I lauged out loud and stood up..."Time to go home......"