October 29, 2006

23 acres of good ol' Roy livin'

So I found this when I did a search in YouTube for "Roy Washington." I hadn't expected to find anything. I really hadn't. I really hadn't wanted to. So imagine my fright upon seeing that someone was actually putting Roy on the map, so to speak. You know James, you should consider buying some of this land, so you can continue with your so-called experiments. Which I haven't forgotten about. My operatives, mostly Mr. Wappler, have provided me with hard-drives full of information that I am currently pouring through. I am convinced that when I am done, I will have the truth behind your nefarious deeds.

So yeah... I enlisted.

I enlisted in the Peace Corps. Is it just me or does the word volunteer no longer mean what I thought.... it is actually going to cost me more to join the peace corps than it would to just stay working. I have more medical tests and dental stuff to do to actually be accepted as a volunteer than most people will go through joining the military. I didn't have to go through this much stuff when I enlisted in the air force... so wonder why they need more tests for volunteers? Seems like a way to weed out the crazys perhaps? So now I am looking at some extensive dental work, a whole lot of blood tests, a full physical, eye exam, and a fun appointment with my favorite doctor... my gyno. Luck me. (I know you really love that image dont you?) But the good news is that I now know my approximate leave date, and geographical region. I will be in eastern europe in august of 2007 (as long as I pass the medical reviews) and I will be gone for 27 months. Doing something with my PR degree. I'm hoping for the Ukraine or Romania....

October 26, 2006


Nick bradbury
Originally uploaded by l0ckergn0me.
Being bored, I was randomly typing in names on the Series-of-Tubes when I found this guy.

I found him after typing "Nick Bradbury".

That's right Bradbury... someone is impersonating you. I suggest Jack Bauering him. But that's just my solution.

Oh and James, I have not forgotten about you. I have my associate (Wappler and Co.) looking into this so-called device of yours. We'll see what is really going on. I highly doubt it's this miracle time machine you are trying to peddle.

Experiments in Standard Variable Space Manipulation and Time Distortion Fields

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. As much as you’d like to think that I’m out here in Roy doing absolutely nothing productive with my time it would figure that you are absolutely wrong in such a conclusion. Absolutely. For example, I have just recently finished my first prototype with my hand-held trans-dimensional space-time (TDST) manipulator and have been doing some test studies on it.

And here you thought Roy was just full of cows and hicks – had you seen a little show by the name of Eureka on the Sci Fi channel, you’d know that’s exactly what everyone here wants you to think. Turns out, Roy is a hotbed of abstract scientific studies and there is a large lab deep underground the town where multitudes of experiments are held.

Once I found out about that, I quickly filled out forms to see if I could get this made. . .

And while it may not look like much, I assure you – there is a whole lot more going on in the inside. I’ve disguised it as nothing more than a portable keyboard connected to a dvd remote, but to the professionally trained eye, it is obviously not.

I've placed letters on the image to help me define what each piece is. (A) is the prompt selector, where you type in exactly what you want moved, and where/when you want it moved to. (B) is a highly volatile connectivity cord which I cannot fully disclose the material used to transfer data, but considering that we're dealing with metaphysical transmutations and space-time, you can certainly imagine that its potent stuff. (C) is the real meat of the prototype; it houses the space-folding drive, permutation calculator, and a few other gadgets and trinkets which I also cannot disclose at this time (Competitors you know)

I can, however, show you this quick-and easy test run I did at home on a glass table. On January 26, at approximately this hour in the morning, I took a photo of my glass table. I had made sure to completely clear off the table before taking the photo. Today, at roughly 10:44am, I cleared off that same table and placed a roll of toilet paper on it. Making sure to note that it was situated on the left side of the table. Then I fired up the TDST manipulator and put in the following information: 1. Roll of toilet paper on glass table. 2. Move// Approximately 1 foot to the right 3. Time// 9 months prior. Now at the time that I took the photo, remember that the table was cleared off.

Once I activated the TDST manipulator, here is that VERY SAME PHOTOGRAPH. Be sure to make note of the time stamp, that is very important. So you see, Mr. College Grad Fancy Dancy Jeff Paulino Smarty Pants Know it All ... I'm not just sitting on my ass doing nothing productive after all. Some of us are actually pioneering hardware in previously unexplored venues of space/time travel. Who knows, maybe this prototype will lead the world to a golden age of transportation where fossil fuels, or fuels in general are practically obsolete. Huh, you ever thought of that! DID YOU! NO I DIDN'T THINK YOU DID!


October 25, 2006

Socialize the Bunny

Lemon Wedge
Originally uploaded by NONfinis.
Living around a college campus, you begin to notice just how much people drink as a way of socializing. (Which, given that, I would have expected more bars around the UW.)

When I was actually attending the UW, I didn't do that much drinking. Not at bars anyway. Hell, I bet James and Jimmy and the rest of them probably did more of that then I did.

Plus I wasn't a big fan of the whole "smoke in bars" thing. (Sucks to be you Jimmy.)

Of course, now you can't smoke in bars and I've been to a few. It's fun to watch everyone. I participate, sure enough, but the psychologist in me still people-watches. Especially fun is watching the annoying frat guys who hit on the obnoxious slutty girls. (There's an accident waiting to happen... an accident they'll probably name Joe or Mandy, or whatever the most popular boy/girl names are these days.)

We need to go drinking sometimes. Yes, that's what this post is making me think. I haven't hung out with many of you in a long time, nor have I shared a drink with you guys in awhile.

Of course, once again, you pieces of crap don't bother to actually read the board. Or write. Or at least read.

I will punch you all in the neck.

Contrary to what you might be thinking, I was not drinking at the time of this post.

October 19, 2006

You Really Aren't that Funny

Birthday Drink
Originally uploaded by NONfinis.
Alcohol is an interesting thing, especially when it clouds judgements and makes you think your funny.

Maybe that's when it's more annoying. I can deal with people who became abrasive or stupid. That's fine. They were probably that way to begin with.

But the ones that thing they are funny when they get drunk? No. Or the ones that think that they are great conversationalists and whatever they have to say is the most important thing in the world to say.

Yes... not a big fan of those types either.

I'd prefer to punch them in the neck, if possible.

Thankfully, I don't get that way when I drink. I... well I don't know how I get... Truthful. I think that's it.

Oh, and I get very good at pool.

Like Jack-Bauer good.

October 18, 2006

Gettin' to Know the Peeps

Weird Superhero Guy
Originally uploaded by NONfinis.
Yeah... I really have to wonder if this guy is the lamest superhero of all time. I mean... my understanding is he is supposed to be some sort of Garbage-Man superhero type. They gave him a strong-man body suit and Oakleys.


Honestly. His super-power is picking up after my crap. Seems like a super-weakeness to me. He's a glorified janitor. Not to knock janitors, as they were probably some of the smartest people at Bethel. (Sad for Bethel really.)

I really wish this guy was David Sanders. Man do I wish that. But no, I'm sure that fucker's probably living on the beach and has five houses all across the country.

Stupid Tiger Woods wannabe...

Where was I going with this post?

Uhm... kids, stay in school?

October 11, 2006

Almost Famous

In order to spread democracy...



I'm spreading something...

I present this guy:

I can guarantee that this guy has probably never appeared on the Series of Tubes before. Not a once. So shine on homeless guy asking for change. Shine on and welcome to your fifteen minutes of fame.

And if you ever want to meet him, I usually see him around 3rd and Seneca in downtown Seattle.

Just a warning... he might ask you for change.

October 08, 2006

Doesn't He Look Familiar?

So a couple of weeks ago (and by weeks, I meant months, but I was too lazy to hit the backspace key a few times and type in months, and so instead I've written all of this out), I was walking around Downtown Seattle when they had their immigration rally.

There were a lot of hispanic/mexican peoples out there.

At the front of the Federal Building were all sorts of protestors. Protestors protesting the immigrants. Protestors protesting for immigration. Protestors protesting the ones protesting immigrants...

And then there were the Nazi's.

I know they exist and all, but you still never expect to see them. But there they were, the Nazi's.

So I snapped a few pictures and I thought to myself...

... this guy looks familiar:

It occurs to me... doesn't he look like a Nazi-version of Steven Segal? Doesn't he? Just a little?

October 05, 2006

Can't You Just See It?

I was perusing through my growing collection of pictures, and I found this one:

Can't you just imagine him as a cranky old man yelling at kids to stay away from his garden...

Only instead of a garden, it would be some sort of lawn ornament shaped from the broken computer parts that have inhabited his life? And a dog running around the pile.

October 02, 2006

Aren't people soooo nice?

Yeah, so I went to dinner with a friend last night. While eating, my truck was broken into and the stereo stolen, along with my ipod, my old cell phone, and a brand new pair of underwear I just bought at Victorias Secret. Sadly, the part I am actually upset about is the undewear... they were brand new!! I didn't even get to wear them first. Although they probably wouldn't have been stolen if I had worn them first... that would be gross. Everyone keeps saying to use my insurance, but the problem is that I have a $500 deductible. Meaning that the value of the shit in my truck was less than $500 (or right about that amount) so I would have to pay for it anyway. The good news is that I just bought a new cell phone (that LG Chocolate) that can do mp3's so I don't have to worry about the ipod or the phone being stolen. But I can't wear a phone for underwear, so I'm out $15 on those. And the truck stereo was a POS that I had bought to replace the last stolen one... so it was only worth about $35 bucks. It still sucks.