and much ado

there comes a time in everyone's life where you can sit back and see everything for what it is - and the whole scheem of things looks bleak and meaningless and just a bunch of random events stringed together in what one would like to call "their experiences" - fun.

i dont know - with all this talk about moving out and getting a job and so on and starting to feel independant from my home and reliant on my fellow associates and so on i start to think of where i will be in so-many-years from now - but then i think about it some more and realise - hey - what does it matter where i'll be in a year - two - three for that matter?

where was i - oh yes : santa clause : what is with santa clause and giving out presents to people : and not only that : why is it that our society is based entirely on making money off a bunch of young boys and girls who are so concerned about "fitting in" and "making sense" with their lives and never on just thinking? I figure life is much more easier when all you have to do is worry about what the new Neutrogena product will be out next week to help you with your acne and all . . . . instead of the big hooplah on whether or not there exists a "God" - a "soul" - and "the general direction of mankind as a whole" ... aesthetics wouldn't be a concern unless you were dealing with what pair of shoes you'll buy next ( what? the red or blue ones, the blue ones go with the green dress - but the red ones go with the outfit you bought from hot-topic three days ago, OH HORRIBLE DAY! FUCK IT! buy them both - it's your parent's credit card anyway - pssh )

dear daddy.
i write you.
in spite of years of silence.
you cleaned up.
found jesus.
things are good, oh so i hear.

this bottle.
of stevens.
awakens ancient feelings.
like father, step father, the son is drowning.
in the flood.

i'm sorry - it's a good song - i couldn't help but put lyrics. crazy-fun song, somewhat depressing - but all in all in all : i began to write more poems today : poems poems poems : i think i'm going to have to make a book of them one day : maybe then again not : my poetry isn't something to make a book about : in fact i believe that making a book is much like JIMMOI-PHILOSOPHY : the semi-wanting of a "legacy" of some sorts - which ironically i'm entirely against : humm..

I don't care what they say about us anyway :
I don't care about that.

i left that on JNM's messege-machine : ha ha - ok here's the deal : i need to start piecing together somewhat of a what-not sort of "plotline" or "story" or whatnot to infuse with philosophical / idealogical / theoretical / thoughtful things - and i need to "flesh out" what i believe to be "the perfect woman"

now you may be asking yourself "what constitutes a perfect woman?" - well - not to burst your bubble : but the perfect women is not a person as much as it is an idea - and that idea itself has no "physical" and/or "real" attributes : as it changes for each person : and that's what i want to flesh out " my perfect woman " - the more i think about it the more it drives me to the brink of insanity : mike and jimmoi and i have spoken and we've come to the conclusion ( or well i have ) that this woman, this wonderful piece of estrogenic flesh, would be "The Existentialist Woman" - and it's rare that you ever ( as i've never ) run into those.

so : if some of you would enjoy helping me out : post some "attributes" that you consider would be necissary for a "perfect woman" ( and yes, the few females on the board [ who read / post ] can add input as well : not to imply all women should be lesbians or anything *cough* ) -- and that will help me out to some extent : not to say that i'll be yanking your ideas : merely that I don't exactly know how to describe women >> as i rarely even NOTICE them ... so it's hard for me to get the ... ... the ... uh ... communication skills ( this is a first with me ) --- anywho. yeah ... i've got to flesh this out.

i believe i will now commence the eating of fruity pebbles.
yum.