What questions would you ask, if you could ask them? Is there an answer to any question... and if there is, aren't more questions merely raised by this one single answer? We do not seek answers in life, we only seek questions...

hahaha... I am becoming paranoid about this board.

Bonnie - you said that I should "you should DEFINUTELY not give up on school in America." I'm sorry to have to say this to you Bonnie, but I gave up on the American schooling system, at least all the aspects/parts of it I was involved in a LONG time ago. They never really encouraged me or others to go after the things they were good at doing, or enjoyed doing. THey tried to supress individuals who stood out in most instances.

It is like I have been suffocated all the years of my 'learning' (schooling) period until now. Today I did my musical re-enactment (SP?) with my english group and it was great! Last night I got stuck in a little room for several hours by myself while I was waiting for the others in my group to get done with there singing/dancing lessons so we could practice out routines, but I wasn't really bothered by that at all. I had my project to work on, and so the time flew by as I waited. While I've been here it has inspired me more to go off and do my own kind of studying and research on things that interest me. I have and am becoming more of an individual of the system day by day. I am learning that it is a great thing to be different, and weird. That it doesn't mean dittally squat if others like me or not. That I do not need their approval to be who I am and want to be.

Before I came here I made a promise to myself to be just 'me.' I wouldn't adapt my personality to suite anyone except myself. And I have done that. At first it was odd for me to act how I wanted all the time... and not just be a 'little' weird, but fully unknown to the point where I was myself. It amazed me that I could go day in and day out without even trying to be what others wanted because I had done that for so long.

This last year before I left for Sweden, I was already changing into myself. Many of my supposed friends didn't like it because I no longer pleased them. I didn't try to be what they wanted. I even started to be my real self around my mom... and for me that took a lot of guts.

I think in the past month, I have grown happier about myself as a person than I have in the past several years. The school I'm going to is very special, even for here in Sweden. The students that go there are who they are for the most part, and the fact that I was the same way, and even more so then some they have recently told me it surprised them.

I don't lie to these people at all. If they ask me something and I don't want to answer, I tell them I won't. I have my days where I'm grouchy or angry for no apparent reason... but then again we all do at times. If I had been back home there in the ol USA, I would have still acted happy for others so as not to upset them. Pushing aside my feelings in order to keep everyone else happy. Now I don't do that, but I don't blame anyone, or try to make them feel bad because I'm not in a good mood either. I simply tell people that I'm in one of my worse moods and please don't bother me right now. They respect that. And I respect them.

Enough said. I've wondered somewhat all over the place, but oh well. I've said what I have to say for now, even if it makes no sense to anyone but me! :)