All i feel is burning in my eyes. my throat. my nostrils. my right ear. I dont want to go to that god-forsaken clinic again. give me drugs. whoo-eee. Im going to go to work tonight. Thats for damn sure. Even if I feel like shit. Fuckem. My parents are now asking me for 500$ - who would have figured that in the course of two months you could really get finacially screwed over. I have 600$ Barely enough to maintain the few bills I have. Life, as a physical embodiment - seems to be nothing more than lack-luster. Where everyone finds happiness I generally just tend to find more things that drag me down. On the outside I can just say that I feel like shit - that my throat or tonsels or whatever it is - is killing me : when in fact on the inside I am emotionally empty. I know when I should feel certain emotions and I feel they writhe and wiggle around inside of me but they never exactly " feel " - You could say I am in control then. A part of me finds it depressing - but it is what I wanted, no? To be in control of one's emotions and/or what they feel - reguardless of the circumstances? Maybe not control. Just supression. Instead of feeling I get a vague impression of what I should be feeling.
I ran my head into a brick wall a bit ago, literally.
I look at the bruise on my forehead and wonder why - but nothing seems to come as an answer.
maybe I've suppressed those as well.
oh. and to finish it off :