Copyright Hearst Magazine Jan 1999
What Would Ten Foot Tall Jesus Do? (WWTFTJD?)

Jesus died in Kashmir, You can see his tomb and his footprints in Srinagar, the capital city. He was ten feet tall and would have worn size-30 shoes. Also, he was extremely flat-footed.
The story is that he spent the “lost years” of his youth wandering in the Himalayas and, through tantric methods he learned from Buddhist monks, was able to fake his death on the cross by stopping his heart and lungs. Then they lowered his body and put it in a cave, and after three days he got up and said, “So, okay then,” and walked back to Kashmir, the most beautiful place on earth, with his best friend Thomas, and his girlfriend, Mary.
So, OKAY THEN, Jesus, at age thirty-three, walked back to Kashmir, the most beautiful place in the world. He was ten feet tall, and the Kashmiris called him Isa Sahib, “ten-foot-tall Jesus,” He was glad to be back in the mountains, and he was glad that Thomas and Mary had come with him. He died at the age of 125 and is buried in a tomb in Srinagar, the capital city.
The story is that Srinagar used to be a happy place, a happening place, with bars and thousands of tourists, pilgrims looking for gurus, and mountain climbers. Business was good. My driver, Majid, describes it this way: “Every night, we bringing home the chickens. Every night, we bringing home the vegetables. We making the wife. We making the children. Life is good. But then everywhere there is fighting, and the tourist is no more coming.”
Jesus died in Kashmir. He was 125 years old and extremely flat-footed, and it just hurt too much to walk anymore, which is what Jesus loved to do more than anything. One day, he sat down on the side of the road next to an old man roasting ears of corn over a fire and said, “So, okay then,” and left his ten-foot body and his bad feet behind. The story is......that he’s coming back.