[HAVE YOUR PET SPAYED OR NEUTERED]
I pose this question to you all: Does Bob Barker have some vendetta against dogs and cats?
It is that time of day where i am sitting in my room between my 1st two classes and my last class. Anyway, I was enjoying a ham sandwich while reading everyone else's posts and watching "The Price Is Right". Why was i watching "The Price Is Right"? I have no clue. It's more of one of those habituational practices that we human beings find ourselves falling into. That and it reminds me of when i worked at Target and that was the only thing on, and makes me feel incredibly relieved that i no longer work there.
Anyway, back to my original query. I was sitting there and some girl one herself a whole bunch of trips to various places far warmer then any of the places in our current vicinity. (For all those curious, she beat out this really old woman who was trying to win a Snow Mobile. Hahaha, future America's Funniest Home Video contestant in the works...if that show were still around.) So there comes Bob Barker with his little stick microphone, congratulates her, then turns toward the T.V. audience. The credits and logos begin to flash on the screen begins to end. That's when he begins with his typical ending, "This is Bob Barker reminding you, have you pets spayed or neutered." I don't understand this. Out of all the things he could spend his closing 15 seconds on, he chooses to unleash his horrendous attack of unrelenting punishment on the dogs and cats of America. What did they ever do to him? Did some cat urinate in his bowl of Cheerios when he was a young Bob Barker trying to get the neighborhood girls to "spin his wheel"? Did some stray dog attack him in the back of an alley while he was trying to get a hobo to pay plinko with him? Am i starting to sound insane? All these questions...
I suppose i can't reallly criticize Mr. Barker, seeing as how i probably couldn't come up with anything better than that. I really can't figure out what my possible plea for action would be. I have no vendetta against the stray dogs or cats, or even those housebroken ones. Oh....wait a minute...
Ahem...let me make my attempt at the closing for a T.V. program:
Thanks for tuning into the "The Price is Right", the number one producer of couch potatoes, obsessive compulsive shoppers, and morbid obesity. This is Jeff "Horehey" Paulino, reminding you to go out and destroy ever single ounce of wallaby life on the planet, for they are vile hideous creatures who are trying to take over our schools and government offices. They are out there trying to make us bend to their rule and force us to be mindless zombies for the wallaby way. Don't believe me, take a look at this: (At this point i quickly flash photos on the T.V. screens of dozens of Americans out there, as i continue my warning.)
Here is an intercepted and translated message.
Here they are attempting to mass multiply in order to overrun the human population.
This poor girl would not succumb to the rigorous brainwashing schemes set forth by the devious wallaby, and as a last resort, he is trying to destroy her. We must stop the evil from corrupting our youth.
In order to help you all out, the Destroy the Wallaby campaign has put out these signs wherever Wallabies have been spotted. Whenever you see this sign, driver your car as fast as you can, especially if you see one on the road. We must drive like drunk maniacs on our American Highways in order to save our children and make our streets safe again.
(Back to me with my mic.)
Thanks for tuning in, and have a nice day!
What do you think? It's a little rough around the edges, but it definitly has potential. All i have to do is wait for Mr. Barker to go insane and be committed to a psych ward for trying to cut off a dog's testicles with hedge trimmers, and i'm in.
Nice.
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