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Rebuttal

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It has come to my attention that i am being accused of being something called a yuppie. This was because i made an inference in my entry [The Most Vile Thing Imaginable, Part V] to a time when jimmy jokingly accused me of being a yuppie. Apparently however, Mr. Collins, and Mr. Zach (Sorry Zach, but i don't know your last name) have decided to revive that title for me. Yeah. Even though i am clearly not a yuppie. Furthermore, apparently i am supposed to defend myself now, and prove that i am not one. Okay.

1. Definition of a yuppie: n : a young upwardly mobile professional person; someone under 40 who prospered during the 1980s.


2. Second definition of a yuppie: A young city or suburban resident with a well-paid professional job and an affluent, materialistic lifestyle.


3. Third definition of a yuppie (from merriam-websters): a young college-educated adult who is employed in a well-paying profession and who lives and works in or near a large city


4. Cambridge Definition of a yuppie: a young person who lives in a city, earns a lot of money and spends it doing fashionable things and buying expensive possessions


5. American Heritage Dictionary definition: Informal A young city or suburban resident with a well-paid professional job and an affluent lifestyle.


6. American-Australian Slang Dictionary: n. (Coined by Bob Green, a Chicago Tribune journalist: it is an acronym for Young Upwardly-mobile Professional Person) A rich professional person who dresses and lives ostentatiously. Yuppies go in for conspicuous consumption, nouvelle cuisine, and health clubs. Males wear button-down shirts, and designer jeans, and drive Saabs, Volvos, or BMWs. Females wear Ann Klein suits, and drive Saabs, Volvos, or BMWs. Preppies (q.v.) usually grow up to be yuppies, although there are such beings as adult preppies (s.a. guppie)
   a. Pertaining to yuppies.


7. Finance-Glossary.com Definition: A word which became popular in the 1980s meaning young upwardly mobile professional.


8. Origin of the word yuppie: [y(oung) + u(rban) + p(rofessional) influenced by yippie, politically active hippie.]

Ahem.

I suppose now i should further elaborate on some key points.

1. Young upwardly mobile professional, under 40 who prospered in the 1980s.
   
   • Okay. Out of those requirements, i match only 1. I am under forty years of age. I suppose it could be said that i prospered in the 1980s, ONLY because i grew up and physically matured during the 1980s. If those two requirements were all it took to call me a yuppie, since i do not match the first one, then by that same token, the following people could also be called yuppies:
     
     
     
     • James C.
     
     
     • James Nicholas Miller
     
     
     • Zach
     
     
     • Nick Bradbury
     
     
     • Andy Wegener
     
     
     • John Stewart (actually, im not entirely sure that John Stewart is under 40)
     
     
     • Every single actor that has ever been portrayed on the WB
     
     
     • etc.
     
     
     
     
   
   
2. A young city or suburban resident with a well-paid professional job and an affluent, materialistic lifestyle.


• Ah, well now, i don't even see anything that matches me. I am not a young city resident...I am a dorm resident. See, what Mr. Collins does not realize is that in order to go to college, i have to live in the dorms. Do i have a well-paid professional job? No. Not even Target was a well-paid professional job. If it was, then both jimmy and zach would be yuppies, and we all no they are not. Do i live a materialistic, affluent lifestyle? Hahahaha...yeah right. My parents got a divorce last year, and if anything, that sure did NOT make my life any more affluent. That, and i bought Target Mints. That should be a since of non-materialism. Otherwise i would have bought XTC mints.




3. a young college-educated adult who is employed in a well-paying profession and who lives and works in or near a large city


• Here we go. Finally, something that MIGHT be attributable to me. A young, college-educated adult...well, i suppose i am almost that. I am an adult. Am i college educated. Yes, to a point, since i haven't obtained a degree from a major university, i don't completely fit that. However, once again, i should point out that i do not have a well-paying professional job. Secondly, I do not live and work in a large city. I do live in a prison-like dormitory room.




4. a young person who lives in a city, earns a lot of money and spends it doing fashionable things and buying expensive possessions.


• Ah, now we are getting into the big players...the Cambridge dictionary definition. I am young...and that is all. It would be nice if i earned lots of money...but i don't. If i did earn lots of money, i would NOT be doing fashionable things with it. I would probably buy a couple of acres, or an old building, and create a paintball field. That is about the only way i would have expensive possessions. Oh, wait, i'd get this thing that they have, its some sort of projection device that projects TV shows and movies onto a huge screen. Then i'd have an indoor theatre. Then again, any sane man would want to have a huge TV in his house. Just think of the movie watching opportunities with that thing.




5. (Coined by Bob Green, a Chicago Tribune journalist: it is an acronym for Young Upwardly-mobile Professional Person) A rich professional person who dresses and lives ostentatiously. Yuppies go in for conspicuous consumption, nouvelle cuisine, and health clubs. Males wear button-down shirts, and designer jeans, and drive Saabs, Volvos, or BMWs. Females wear Ann Klein suits, and drive Saabs, Volvos, or BMWs. Preppies (q.v.) usually grow up to be yuppies, although there are such beings as adult preppies (s.a. guppie)
   a. Pertaining to yuppies.


• Hahahaha, now come on...do i really need to defend myself against that one. I don't wear designer jeans...i wear slacks. I don't drive a Saab...I drove an Isuzu Trooper II...and i continued to try and drive it until finally the damn thing wouldn't start. Then i got charged two hundred some dollars just for people to take it away and keep it.




6. [y(oung) + u(rban) + p(rofessional) influenced by yippie, politically active hippie.]


• For my last point (i could go on, but i really don't want to waste everyone's time), i thought i'd talk briefly about where the word yuppie originates from. Young Urban Professional. Yeah... and the word was influenced by yippie, which was influenced by hippie. Now this one i will have some fun with. Am i a yuppie? No. Am i am yippie. No. Am i a hippie? No. But i do know someone who has been countlessly called a hippie. James C. Hmmm, could it be that one of my accusers is, in actuality, what he accuses me of being?

Now obviously, from what i have said above, i am most certainly NOT a yuppie. However, Mr. Collins, and Mr. Miller at one time, considered me to be a yuppie. The only reason why i can imagine them coming to this conclusion was because of three factors:

1. I have a laptop


2. I wanted to go to college


3. I live in Seattle

Well, i should point out that these three factors do NOT make a person a yuppie, let alone me. While it used to be that anybody with a laptop, a cell-phone, and living in a city and going to college, would be a yuppie. However, these factors are no longer what can describe a yuppie. These are the new factors:

1. They own a palm-pilot. I have seen people who fit yuppie descriptions like those in Websters and Cambridge, and they own palm-pilots.


2. They are surgically attached to a medium-sized latte. Small would be punitive and unshowy of character, and large would be splurging, and unbecoming.


3. They have a life-time subscription to the Wall Street Journal, online. Yes, paper is no longer good enough. It must be digitized to be worthy of their attention.

You see, owning a laptop and going to college does not make me a yuppie. I left Roy because i did not want to be butt-raped by cows, and i actually wanted to have a life, and i was interested in Psychology, Philosophy, Sociology, and Biology...which is why i am here. As for having a laptop, i own one because it makes more sense to have a portable laptop when all i am going to be doing primarily is word-processing. Also, since living in a dorm is unstable...by that i mean that sometimes you are required to move into a different dorm when asked, it just makes more sense.

What i am enduring by these accusations would be the same as if i called James a hippie. After all, does he not have long hair? Hippie hair. Also, when it came time to vote, did he vote for the major parties, Democratic or Republican? No. He voted for a different party. Superficially, he seems to fit the model of a hippie. Why not call Mr. Collins a hippie then?

And don't even get me started on the Good Lunch thing. It is just a phrase i put together to mock the usual Good Morning, Good Evening, or Good Day. In fact, i only have used Good Lunch as part of the "Most Vile Thing Imaginable" series. I may not even continue using it. It is all a possibility. And what about Pluto? That could be hippie-speak. Pluto means death in Greek mythology. Is this some sort of hippie outcry against death?

Ahem, and now i say this with some conviction:

Good Lunch