Yes, i know you've all been missing it...and here i am posting yet another entry for "The Most Vile Thing Imaginable". I do apologize for not keeping up with the posts. I think we all got a little sidetracked with the recent Yuppie/Not Yuppie debacle. Just so i remind all of you, there are no hard feelings or whatnot from the experience.
Ahem. Now then, about the vile things. I have decided to extend the contest a little further than just this week and last. This is mostly due to the fact that i find some enjoyment and therapeutic amusement from doctoring...err...finding...vile things and posting about them here. (I'm sure it is therapeutic to post about things more freakish than one's own self.) I think the contest will be extended for another week or two. Then, at the end of the contest, i will design a special voting form as a post and place it here and have everyone vote on "The Most Vile Thing Imaginable". That is provided i can learn the html stuff for forms in that time. Yeah, piece of cake.
All that said, on to the Most Vile Thing for now. What is the number one plague of most redneck societies, say some of the prime examples to be found in graham? (I should quickly note that just because i mention graham, that does NOT mean i am implying everyone in graham is a redneck...unless your name is jOe and you still regularly hunt for your food...or scrape it off the car grill and serve it up with a nice Tequila shooter...who am i kidding, tequila shooter...its more a budlite with a postnote label that says "tequila shooter") Well, one of the most vile plagues is that of the horrendous smell. All of you out there who have had the great fortune of visiting a certain Mr. jOseph Macauley's residence will easily recall and identify the horrible smell to which i am referring.
Now, jimmy and i have spent a good deal of time, which COULD have been spent doing anything more productive, like feeding the homeless or something equally charitable, trying to figure out what that smell is. We came up with combinations like: wet dogs having sex on a pile of decaying mushrooms, after being thrown into the Target bailer, alongside Curtis and three-day old cardboard from sweatshops in east Afghanistan. Yes, we indeed tried to be specific. However, we did decide that one of the key components was something wet, like clothes. Usually it ended up like wet dogs having sex on three day old wet clothes or something. And here we have the key to today's most vile thing imaginable: Broken Dryers.
Actually, this time i don't have a picture to show, so i will use up this space normally dedicated to a picture for needless text. Actually this text isn't needless...this vile thing is more a concept of broken dryers. Just imagine that you just finish your load of laundry, and are so excited that you get to put on some warm dry crisp smelling flannel shirts...if you are a redneck...that or your mother's moomoo...but to your dismay, the dryer does not work. Boo Hoo...but not only for you, for those around you. If you are like most rednecks, you may do one of two things. Either you will let the clothes sit somewhere to air dry on their own, in a huge pile of wetness, or you will hang them out to dry where your pack of five or more dogs takes its usually hourly dump. By the time it does dry in the sun, it has absorbed enough horrid stench to choke not only a cow, but the entire state of Rhode Island...who i hear have the best police force in the united states...according to the narrator who does Farly Brother movies...or something like that.
I'm sure some of you are asking yourselves "Why?". Why is horehey posting about something as mundane as Broken Dryers. Well my friends, it does affect us all. Right now the dorm building i live in refuses to fix our dryers. The result, college students who smell like rednecks...the result after that...college students adapted to smelling like rednecks. In the end our culture will take a downward spiral of oblivion in a vast emptyness of horrid wet-clothes stench. All because people, or major universities, refuse to fix their broken dryers. Oh, can't we all just lend mercy to our olfactory senses? Let us not go down the vile tunnel of death and despair that lay in the waste buckets of stench.
MOnDO - Hey, i'm trying to revive the word...nobody ever uses it after all...of course, there could be good inherit reasons for that...
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