I'm baaack. Yeah, i know, no one is really happy about that. I have spent most of my time at the Woodland Park Zoological Gardens...the zoo basically. I have the great assignment of watching and observing an animal for 30 plus hours. The animal of focus for me: The Toucan. Realistically though, its not such a bad animal to watch, as it is not so overly annoying and not overly hard to observe. The bad part is actually those annoying people who walk by while i am busy observing and taking notes, and starts asking me, "Are you studying the Fruit Loop bird?" Even the parents and childless adults asked the same damn question. Is it that hard to realize that the toucan does NOT actually eat Fruit Loops.
Anyway, i considered posting about those group of people as the "Most Vile Thing Imaginable", but then i realized that they are vile only to me...and no one else out there can truly empathize with my tragic situation. Alas, i was forced to look elsewhere.
I was watching the news when a nagging feeling started to creep up on me. After killing that ant, i came to another realization, aside from the fact that ants are able to crawl up buildings and make it to the eight story of a detention cent...er...dormitory. I already knew what i could post as a "Most Vile Thing Imaginable". What is better is that you all have probably heard or seen what i am going to talk about. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you and i know them as information presenters and newscasters...the ever infamous, well known for their "Double Doppler", it is: Q13 Reports.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the evil vileness that is cloaked by the @ symbol in the name Q13 Reports @ 10. It is indeed time to cry. When all other news programs seem too realistic and too formal to stand, you can always change the channel to the newscasting equivalent of a child pumped full of ridalin and let loose with a handfull of magic markers, Q13 Reports. They tout there awesome ability to bring the news to you at ten, instead of eleven, which is only because Fox tends not to have anything worth showing during Prime-Time, except for Cops re-runs, or specials like, "When Rednecks become Mormons!". They also claim the incredible prestige of bring the weather tracking ability of "Double Doppler" systems, which amounts to two radar systems tracking storms instead of one. This doesn't seem to matter much considering those storm systems don't exactly move at speeds that one Doppler system can't handle. Kiro 7, King 5, and Komo 4 apparently aren't cued in to the power of wasting money on two systems to be able to track that extra inch that a storm may move in the time it takes the Doppler system to scan back around.
But by far, Q13 Reports is most famous for their liberal use of the @ symbol. Yes, if you really think about it, no one used the @ symbol much, with the exception of computer afficianados who wanted to seem "cool" to their other computer afficianado friends. Then again, even the true computer afficianados mocked others who used that symbol. However, now you seem @ all over the place. Obviously, well at least to me, Q13 is trying to use a subliminal message system to turn our children into mindless drones, that or Yuppies. (Shutup jimmy.)
However, their influence seems to be diminishing, especially with the slowing of the economy. People are trying to distance themselves for the tech stocks, and that includes the fads of technology...like the @ symbol. As a result, Q13 Reports have been struggling to come up with a new angle for being the "cool" newscast station. Working in conjunction with Mr. Harry Wapler, and John Ratzenburger, who after hearing about my posting idea for Q13, agreed that their evil must be uncovered, helped me to obtain a photo of a new vile project:
Yes, Q13 Reports is building a T-Rex to let loose on an undisclosed city in Washington. First they will report on the T-Rex, gaining ratings, then they plan on making it appear like they tamed it, and use it as a motto. They are planning on using the power and strength, and "cool-ness" of the T-Rex as their new motto, replacing the worn-out @ symbol. What vileness will Q13 resort to next?
I shudder to think.
Good Lunch.
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