Often times i have used this forum to vent my anger at the Metro system, for i have a deep-seeded dislike for the buses. Why? Well, there are several reasons, of which i am sure Zach is fully aware of. One time, i was just getting off of a Ferry, and i had a minute to run all the way to the bus stop. No problem, i thought to myself, and i took off running for that stop. Well, i was within 10 feet of the stop, fully visible to the bus stop, when the bus comes a'drivin' by. YES!, i thought to myself as i started waving my arms to get his attention. Did i? Why yes i did, for the bus driver turned his head and looked right at me...and then he kept on driving by!
Yes indeed i have a great disrespect for certain bus drivers, and i generally don't like the buses all that much. It isn't because i don't know how they work, because i have become fully acquianted with the ways of the metro system.
Indeed, after my past three months of getting to know the metro system, i was fully ready to proclain the metro system as the most vile evil system ever put into place...and then this Thursday i was once again proven that just when you think something is horribly wrong in the world, there always comes along something even more vile and disgusting in the world... That even more vile and disgusting thing is the Passenger system of the Washington State Ferry service.
For those of you who don't know, or simply don't care, i should give some quick background information. The Washington State Ferry system is a fleet of ferries that transport people across the Puget Sound. Mr. Miller will remember our brief, almost-encounter, with the ferry system when we had a choice of driving from Poulsbo to Seattle or taking the ferry. If it had been my car, we probably would have taken the ferry since it would have been cheaper. Instead, we drove. (It was joe ellefson's car. Sorry joe, if you ever by some drunken chance stumble upon this post.)
Now there are two types of ferries, the automobile ferry, and the passenger ferry. I have always used the automobile ferry in the past because it was just more convenient and far more cheaper. However, on Thursday, i thought to myself, Hey, why not try the passenger ferry, it is closer to downtown Seattle. So that is what i did.
The passenger ferries take forever, and they are crowded beyond belief. It was like standing in a concentration camp waiting to be executed by gas. No, wait, i know exactly what it was like. Have you ever seen those old movies about immigration? That's exactly how i felt as i watched the Seattle coastline get smaller and smaller. I felt like someone was shipping me off to Boswania. However, that is not my biggest grievance with the passenger ferry. Because the internal cabin was extremely crowded, i decided to sit outside, with half a dozen other people, most of which decided to smoke. Well, just when i was about ten minutes away from my destination, i get a whiff of the most horrid stench imaginable. I turned around, and there standing with his back toward me was a fat smelly bastard.
It was like he had eaten been burritos, the remains of the great Pharoahs of egypt, and whatever lies on the floor of jOe's house. It was not the most enjoyable smell. And then, when the trip was almost over, i went inside. Only the stench followed me in there too!
My good friend Mr. Wapler understood my situation. He helped me put together this diagram:
Now, i know this is just a small inconvenience and i should stop my petty bitching about stupid stuff and get on with my life, but you all know me and that really isn't an option. Instead, i'd rather rant and rave, and blow things out of proportion until someone gets fed up enough to phone in the psych ward. (Incidentally, there is a locked-ward in UW. Coincidence? hmmm...)
Now just imagation my plight if while i was on the ferry, T-Rex suddenly came up out of the water:
Ah, but all you out there are saying, "Silly man, if T-Rex attacks a ferry, you'd be in danger even if there wasn't a smelly bastard standing nearby." Ah, but that's where you are wrong my friends...
What if T-Rex started breathing fire:
Ahh, does it make more sense now? You see, if T-Rex started breathing fire, then i'd be in a world of hurt. Since good ol' smelly-bastard would be letting his methane permeate the air around me, i will, in essence, find myself in a powerkeg-type setting. One little flame would ignite all that foul smelling methane and KaBOOM!, there i would go.
Yes, i am fully aware that there is no scientific proof that T-Rex was able to shot fire from his mouth. But then again, there is no proof against it.
So now you see my predicament, and why i will not ride the passenger ferry anymore. There is just too much danger. And if you all don't believe me, then i bet you'd be surprised to find out that Harry Wapler had to go through a similar ordeal. That was part of the reason why he helped me make that lovely diagram above. Thankfully for Mr. Wapler, he was able to fight off the beastial T-Rex before being consumed at sea:
What a brave, courageous newscaster, unlike that Tom Brokaw.
Nice.
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