March 27, 2001



The Most Vile Thing Imaginable, Part I




Hello.

I have not been planning on posting for awhile, not necessarily because i didn't want to, but because the well from which i get my wonderous posting ideas and subjects for has temporarily run dry. That, and the fact that i have started a new quarter of interesting classes that are currently taking up a good deal of my time, and i am working toward getting a job in order to have an income of something, has also kept me from posting...until today.

Today i was bored and had five minutes or so, so i decided to do something i hadn't do in awhile. I started browsing around the internet and i found the most vile thing imaginable on Something Awful's I hate You website. Actually, i saw a great variety of vile things imaginable, but for today's Most Vile Thing Imaginable, I present to you: Target Woman.


Mrrrwwaaa....come to me baby...
Beware! Avert your eyes! Run for your life, she wants to mate with you!


As you can clearly see, there is something wrong with this woman. (Argueably, there could be something wrong with me for torturing you all by posting such a vile picture, but this is merely to illustrate a point.) No woman, or man, would ever subject themselves to wearing this much stupid looking target stuff, and then pose for it on camera. Now at this moment, i know at least Mr. Miller and Mr. Collins are thinking, "But Horehey, you have a target shirt...doesn't that make you hypocritical?" No this does not. My target shirt is used primarily as a movie prop, as can be seen in the movie that was made over this last weekend. Quite an interesting show might i add. Go see James for a copy of it, if you want to watch. Anyway, back to the vile thing above.

There is a possibility for why this lady is dressed like so. Perhaps she is looking for a mate and trying to make her receptiveness obvious. This would be the biologists/naturalist explanation for something so horrid as above. If that is the case, then any man who is within a five foot radius of her might want to consider a self-castration, as she will jump you and begin a torturous and rigorious mating dance and ritual with you, from which you may never survive.

Another possibility is that she is an employee, or married to an employee of Target. If this is the case, then she desperately needs Electroshock Therapy. Most everybody who works at Target does NOT want to be associated with that institution, especially on their off-hours. In fact, most employees often go home and begin an arduous task of scrubbing their entire body clean with a brillo pad. This does NOT always work.

The last possibility is that this woman is part of Roger Thomas' Target Porn ring. If this final possibility is the case, then we should all truly fear, not only for ourselves but for our future children's sake. Just imagine one day twenty years from now. You have a little boy, and like most little boys, he is trying to see his very first naked woman. Now think about what might happen if the very first naked woman is her... That's right. The world's gay and abstinent population would quadruple in a matter of hours. There goes the whole human race, since no one would ever want to reproduce, at least no guys would want to reproduce with women.

In total, i hope you take this threat seriously. When you think about it, you can understand why i she is the first of a new list of people i am putting on as the "Most Vile Things Imaginable".

Good lunch.

No comments:

Post a Comment