March 30, 2001



The Most Vile Thing Imaginable, Part IV




Well, that little lapse in the blogger server has thrown our little contest into a delay, hasn't it? But fear not, for despite that, i have still been looking around, and i have found yet another thing that ranks up there as one of "The Most Vile Things Imaginable". See, as your good and trustable friend, i have been searching far and wide for various things that are extreme vile. Of course, this last one didn't need to be searched for...it actually found me, so to speak.

One of the powerful things about the medium known as Television, is that it has the potential to do great things for children. For example, it has been well documented that the children's program, Sesame Street, has helped to lower the age at which children first start reading. Developmental Psychologists around the world have praised the power of Sesame Street and have urged that children's programming follow their suit.

However, there is a dark side to Television. While such old classic's as Looney Tunes, Transformers, G.I. Joe, and yes even Tom and Jerry, were by and far very entertaining, they have been criticized by a large majority for being far too violent for children. I suppose this is true. Last quarter i was given the assignment of watching a children's television program for 30 minutes to determine the levels of violence. My friends, the results were staggering. What i use to remember as a childhood favorite, Tom and Jerry, turned out to be a blood massacre of that poor mouse Jerry. Though even Jerry wasn't lagging in violent behavior. He committed nearly equal numbers of violent acts, such as dropping irons, forks, knives, old women, decripit ex-vice presidents, the Titanictm, etc. on Tom. There went a lifetime of happy childhood memories.

Still, out of all the arguments against children's programming, both on T.V. and now in theatres as well, there is something far more insidious that mere television/movie violence. Instead, the biggest problem lies in the life lessons that are being taught to children. The show that is most responsible for such attrocities is none other than the evil, vile television show: Pokemon.

Yes ladies, gentlemen, and gamers out there, Pokemon, that fad that should have been dead a year ago is still alive and kicking, and most of us want to kick the crap out of it. (I could have used a more explicit word like sh*t, but then Zach would not be able to read this right now.) I'm sure some of you are asking, "But how on earth could something as sweet and innocent as Pokemon be as evil and vile as you are claiming?" Simple my friends, very simple.

Pokemon is guilty for teaching our children many things. One of the most reprehensible is that of animal slavery. Yes, its true. Think about the deplorable conditions that poor Pikachu, or Gezundheit, or whatever there names are, have to live through in those tiny little "slave balls" that they are forced to reside in. It's inhumane. They don't even have little windows. And how do those animals breathe?

Also, it teaches children NOT to fight their own battles and stand up for themselves. Instead, it teaches impressionable young children to take their beloved pets and fling them at their enemies and archrivals. I can imagine a day when a little Johnny doesn't stand up to the schoolyard bully, but instead takes his pet cat Fluffy, stuffs it into a sack of some kind, and then flings the poor hapless feline at the bullies face. I ask you, is this wholesome American values?

Lastly, Pokemon is teaching our children that affluence is perfectly fine. It touts that it is perfectly okay to go out and collect as many of something as humanly possible, especially with their catch phrase, "Gotta catch 'em all!". Our country is already in trouble with the amount of money we needlessly waste, and the amount of affluence that permeates our dear nation, threatening to turn us all into nothing more then sloppy couch-potato shop-a-holics.

Well, with all this ranting, it must be obvious to you know that Pokemon is evil. But unfortunately, the story is not yet over. Apparently, Nintendo is now added new Pokemon characters and introducing them to the public through a new movie. This new movie, more vile and evil then the previous two probably were, will debut on Apr6th2001, and threatens to undo the fabric of our nation. This new movie is one of "The Most Vile Things Imaginable", and it goes by the name:Pokemon 3.


Gotta go get your mom and dad's wallet so you can catch 'em all!

Gotta grab your mom and dad's wallet so you can catch 'em all!


You know what the really sad part of this "Most Vile Thing Imaginable" is? It is nearly completely true...with the addition of a small character. Yes my dear friends, it is time to weep for our futures.

Good Lunch.

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