nothing and everything swirling around in a big lousey pile of human excrement - thats what life is - excrement - or maybe just a big contest to see who can pass the most ruffage - tomorrow ive got two objectives - one - to do eighty reports on eighty individual newspaper articles and - two - drink tequila - yes - i know what youre thinking - youre thinking that i shouldnt be drinking - and that i probably should be talking about it - but you know what - screw you - bahahahah - with eighty reports to do im damn well going to need it - if you know anything about psychology then youd know i am depressed right now - i dont know why - you should also know that depression and alcohol mean bad bad vibes - but you probably dont care - youre too busy trying to pass the most ruffage - i hear that eating popcorn makes you go poo real bad - you should try that - i dont quite like popcorn anymore - i had some today it was very disturbing - i also went to look at some websites - and realised a bunch of self proclaimed athiests were full of shit - a lot of people are full of shit - its because they havent yet learned - or mastered - the art of passing ruffage - jimmoi first introduced me to the art of passing ruffage - you may know it as bullshitting - but ive decided to call it passing ruffage at the moment - to pass ruffage is a swell - wonderous thing - like i am doing now - did you notice i am not using any other punctuation but - that - i didnt think you did - but if you did good for you - youre observant - and i bet that you arent aaron because if you were you probably wouldnt have noticed that im just using those - thingers - he didnt notice the big fat regeena girl with the knowledge bowl bars when we passed by her - and wine coolers are a bunch of shit - they taste like flavoured beer - and beer itself tastes like shit - so having it taste like strawberry just makes it feel like your drinking strawberry flavoured beer - which tastes like shit - in any event off of the wine cooler - what was i talking about asides from aaron not being observant - hmmmm - i checked out some random person-s blog today and realised that there are plenty of other things i can do with this - i dont know what - maybe i can turn this into a journal - but that would be too sappy - i found my headphones - or rather jeff had them all along - that pisses me off - im getting tired - and by the way when you are all in school tomorrow be sure to remember that i was the first person to sing in this millenium - i pledge allegience to the flag - - - - and so on - and being the first person to post on this isnt much of an achievement - bahahahaha dorkfest - anyway - where was i again - i went out with friends for three days straight - i have come to the conclusion that i need a job - the mr man with the question marks on his suit told me that i could get paid for getting my g-e-d - i think thats interesting - i might just drop out and get a g-e-d - and then all the dumbfucks wouldnt be able to use me as a -shit we ran out of something to talk about lets remind james that he will be in school for a long long time- topic and laugh - because they all think its funny - hell if i were them i would think it is funny too - but im not and im me and im stuck and i dont give a shit because while they are off making something of their lives i wont be - i wont be - i wont be - i will - however - be writing eighty fucking reports on eighty different newspaper articles which will be briefly overlooked and then thrown away - but those are for the special kids - you know - everyone has already done these things - thats why they graduated - i didnt graduate because i refused to do stupid things - now im doing the stupid things - its a waste of time - but thats all life - as aforementioned - is - a waste of time - aka - the passing of ruffage - i want to grow up and make a movie - jimmoi hurry up and get a production studio going or some crap so we can turn a bunch of neat-o ideas into on-screen productions and tell the sundance movie channel and independant movie scene to go fuck itself because we dont need no stinking badgers - and they can suck my toes for all i give a shit - and in one of the movies we will make robert redford suck my fat ass toe and make him say that he takes it up the ass because he wants the indie film scene to be popular and unindependant and sponsered by hollywood - i want to see that new movie by the way - i dont know the name of it - sean connery got in on the production of the movie - he is also in the movie - it looks ok - maybe we should go see it - no - wait - i dont have money - or a job - which i need - im thinking about cutting a deal with my parents that i get a g-e-d - they get me a car - i get a job - or i stay in school - they drive me down to the bus stop in spanaway - i use the public transportation system to get everywhere and anywhere - but then id have to be independant - and out on my own - no more mommas boy for james - bahahaha - i live such a sheltered life - i need to have a war hit and have everyone go off to fight so i can have sex with all the women who are left behind - wait - no that was back in the day - ive been watching too many quantum leaps - that show was the best - fuck you all
i know what youre thinking.

/wish there was something real in this world full of you

wait - you thought i was done didnt you - so did i - but i just remembered something - what the fuck is the matter with you - and steven as well - i was talking and then all of a sudden steven says - its fun listening to you talk - and i had to pause a moment and look at him funny - and he said - you just started talking - and you made me laugh - its just fun to listen to you - and i had to look at him again - and it was processing in my brain - hey - hey you dumbshit - hes trying to say youre funny and that you entertaining to be around - and i had to disqualify that in my head because thats just not god-damned possible - how the hell can i be a social person eh - what the fuck happened to mr fuck-you go-away - where has my sense of assholishness gone - i think justin stole it - bah - so what do i care - i will tell you why i care - because youre reading this thats why i care - i care because people listen to me - people read what ive got to type - people shut up just to listen to what ive got to say - or write - or hell even think - what the fuck is the matter with that - what is so god damned special about me that makes me some sort of -hey lets let him spiel off on a phone for some number of hours and not say a damn word and just let him ramble on about whatever the hell comes through his mind just because i like to listen to him talk- person to people - well - Jesus Tits - what is the world coming to - maybe i should be a public - motivational - speaker - thatd be interesting wouldnt it - but what couuld i talk about - ive never done anything - maybe i should become a heroine addict and then go through withdrawals and then go up in front of classes and say - yes i use to skip class to shoot heroine between my toes - you shouldnt do that kids - do those people get paid for doing that crap - hell fuck this - im going to go screw my life over if they get paid for it - thats one easy ticket out of doing anything - being able to tell people - hey kids dont be like me - dont do what i did - i think in a way thats self glorification - saying hey - im worse off than you ever were - so you better be good unless you wanna try to contest for my - im so fucked up you can never be as fucked up as i am - award that ive won because i went out drinking and driving and now talk like a retard - so fuck you if you went out and did something wrong i dont have to listen to your retarded voice to convince me that youre worse off than me - what if ive done nothing wrong in my life - what if ive done not a damn thing - and im worse off than you - merely because i dont sound like a fucking retard - or didnt kill someone - or didnt get addicted - and then unaddicted to an addictive drug that kills some people - or didnt contract an std from someone - what the hell - what if im so totally fucked over in life that i dont even have anything to show for my being fucked over - what about that mr smarty pants - why dont you shove that down your throat - try to explain to people - you see - im content with life - and i havent had a job or had to work for anything - and people enjoy listening to me and being around me - and i dont look horribly grotesque - and im not all that dumb either - and you see if they say - oh im so terribly sorry here you dont need to work for anything in your lifetime just go from school to school and preach about how much of a great life youve had and how nothing has ever gone wrong - because if anything ever did go wrong youd be in a wheel chair - or have a missing limb - or talk like a retard - or be a recovering heroine addict who used to shoot up between your toes - and you know what - fuck the news - fuck the news for thinking that it is violence in television shows and music that makes us violent - i think its the god damn news - yesterday i saw - and this was right before new years went off - so it was the last news of the millenium - a quadruple homicde being reported - who gives a shit - i sure done - who cares if others died - people die all the time - but when its gorey - and its a murder - and its more than one person - of course it has to be breaking news - fuck the news - i say fuck too often - stuff the news - thats my new word now - stuff - stuff it up your ass - stuff you - stuff the world - bahahaha
im going to sleep now.

/gonna smash myself to pieces - i dont know what else to do