I have been away for a long time...a long long time...
during that time i have uncovered a great atrocity, a mind-numbing tale of intrigue and espionage...
and now i share that tale with you all...
in a series of posts...
Episode I: Ordinary Day
It all begins a couple of months ago, last year, in September, when i was on my summer interim, a break from going to college. I spent some of my time down in Roy, hanging out with james and andy and jimmy on occasion. Usually, however, they were at work...
Well, one day, jimmy, andy, and myself were driving around, trying to figure out what to do...
We were also looking for james and heather, since we couldn't find them. James' clone..err...brother Michael had told us that Heather dragged James over to jOe's house to pick berries or something...
I really couldn't understand him because he started in the language of EQ, and about how his brother was going to spawn at jOe's or something...
i really couldn't follow.
thankfully andy was there to translate while jimmy and i ransacked james' refrigerator for food...
So anyway, we headed for jOe's house...with little enthusiam...
Upon arriving at jOe's house, we entered and stumbled upon a startling scene:
Suffice it to say that jimmy, andy, and i were quite shocked...
The sounds of vomitting still haunt me in the nights...
We will never really know what happened that day...
nor should we, i imagine.
Anyway, after heavy tranquilization, we all decided to do something.
We tried to ditch jOe and go watch a movie, but that didn't seem to be working...
(plus, i could have sworn james mentioning something about how it would be bad to use him and leave him...)
So the movie was out. Andy didn't want, as he put it, "jOe's large bitch-ass in his car". We ended up sitting around jOe's house making prank calls to the Target pay phones. James ended up calling and getting some girl. He thought it was funny...
he seemed to be the only one.
Meanwhile jOe kept talking about potatoes and land-o-lakes...i don't know why.
He also kept staring at his pet dog while holding a butter knife and a napkin...
After about an hour of this, i decided that i'd rather have the neighborhood rednecks catch me and eat my liver while i was still breathing. Just as i started hinting at wanting to leave however, jOe spoke up and said, "Mrrwaa...wanna sea somting coool?"
-----
Jimmy: sarcastically Sure jOe.
Me: Hey, is it in the barn?
jOe: Mrwaa!!FFds...NO, you will never have the necronamic...arjjlwmmrr...necronamican!
Everybody: Looks around confused
Me: What the hell are you talking about jOe?
jOe: looking confused, trying to understand the situation mRmmr...I mean, NO! you mrr.ww musst never entter the baryn...mrrwwa...
Me: Uhm, okay, whatever jOe.
Jimmy: Sure jOe.
----
With that said, jOe lead us toward a part of his yard that we had never quite seen before. You see, jOe's yard is vast...vast and stinks like wet dogs covered with three day old rotten eggs... Much of his yard i have not explored, nor wish to.
jOe brought us to a strange site. In the air hovered a strange image surrounded by a glowing yellow light...
All jOe could say was, "Mrrwa...twinkey"
After looking at it for a moment, i realized that we were looking at some strange portal...
----
jOe: mrrrwwa...its a lexus...
Jimmy: What?!
jOe: It's a mrrwaa...lexus... it takes you places far away...
Jimmy: Damnit jOe, you're talking about a nexus...
Me: Actually, a lexus can take you to places too i suppose.
James: Smacks me upside the head with a broken plyboard as everyone gives me the stupid look.
----
We were standing in front of a nexus, a gateway to other places...
We looked around and noticed other gateways, other nexuses leading to various places...
In the very center of the yard stood a gateway in the ground, with a piece of plywood laying over it, and a toilet sitting on top....
You could see bright red flames flickering underneath the board, and i swear i heard the sound of laughter...a dark laughter, eminating from beneath.
----
Me: Hey jOe, what's that...
jOe: meniacally laughing in a jOe-esque way Mrrwwa...nothing...mrr..gass leak...
Me: Let's check it out.
Everybody: I don't think that's a good idea...
Me: Aww com' on, what could possibly happen.
----
Unfortunately, no one agreed with me, so that mystery will always remain on the boarder of being answered.
Instead, we all walked up to the first portal jOe had shown us. We all stepped through, wondering what mystical place we would end up in...
Yes, that's right, stonehedge...
We were all amazed.
Andy talked about taking pictures of it...
James started poking the ground, while i had to stop jimmoi from urinating on one of the rocks...
Heather decided not to join us, and went off to wherever she goes when she gets tired of us...
After checking out the place, jOe suggested that we have a barbeque...
now, since we were all hungry, that idea actually sounded somewhat decent.
jOe had spare steak in one of the folds of his skin. (Don't worry, it was wrapped in layers and layers of seranwrap...
So james, andy, and i worked on the fire, while jimmy started gettin' jiggy with himself...
jOe stood back, and it looked like he was staring at something...
yes, it was a great fun day had by all...
until, out of nowhere, something appeared in the sky!
Out of nowhere, this giant fish began hovering over us, telling us that he had a warning for us...a dire warning...
a warning that would change our lives forever...
No comments:
Post a Comment