Did you know, when a fist hit's you in the face there are little flashes of light like stars in the night sky ?.."To those I know who won't know me"

Fifteen minutes ago I was bleeding on the ground a few blocks from my house. I picked myself up and walked home, when I looked in the mirror I noticed a few big swolen red spots , I hope they will turn into purple spots by tomorrow.... "How did this happin ?" you might ask. I will tell you.

10:00 P.M. Mike is at Rachel's house with Rachel and Stephany, when Mike notices Stephany reading a magazine...
11:00 P.M. Mike is still thinking about how perfect the people in that magazine look, and how imperfect an attempt Stephany/Rachel have made at looking like them...
11:30 P.M. Mike arrives home, by this time he is red with anger at the media centered world of perfect images and perfect dreams. He can no longer stand all of the suffering he has had to endure in his life because it has always been anything but those perfect images he saw on television and heard about in fairy tales. "This is why I no longer watch TV /listen to popular music/ read fiction/ play video games..."
12:00 A.M. Mike started to feel an intense need to go for a walk and try to restore his normal ability to sweat off the fact that the world is nothing like what most people pretend it is.

I went for that walk. As I was walking around late in the night I was thinking to myself.... I used to find myself crying on the floor, unable to move, pearced with pain and suffering, crying on the floor. It used to happin at random times during the week, sometimes several times a week. I couldn't help the feeling of desparation and loss, my world was constantly attacking me, hiding the secret to making it perfect. I hated everyone I knew, they were imperfect, they did everything wrong and obviously tried to make themselves lose. I had no reason to like anyone or anything... Once I was riding the Red-Line subway in boston, as i left the subway and made my way back to the apartment I was living in, I heard someone playing "Dust in the Wind" By the time I had walked back to the apartment I was a blubbering mass of tears. I hurt very badly at that time... Why ?... Because I am supposed to be special, I am supposed to be a rock star, I am supposed to be everything great, and you have told me so. Everyone has told me so, I see it in the eyes. I know that the world would like me better, you would like me better, If I were a great amazing star. I know it because you tell me so when instead of talking about our lives, you talk about the latest great song, the latest great movie, the latest great book..You tell me when you think we should all get together and spend time hanging out with a thousand other people who want to get a glimpse of a star, who you want to know... when all you want to do is look at other things and other people and other places..I am supposed to be rich, because that is what you want from me.. I am supposed to be everything great and amazing, because that is what you told me... I have to drive the greatest car, because that is what you told me when you wouldn't date me.... when you laughed at me and turned away because I didn't have the money..I am supposed to wear the greatest style, because that is what you want, everyone perfect like the models in a magazine... You want to be like them, no one wants to be like me... you want to talk,dress and act like them... you never want to be like me... I am supposed to be the greatest most amazing thing, because that is what you want from me... Well I hate to tell you this, Those stars dont love you, I do... Those stars don't care for you, I do.. those stars don't know you, I DO...Those models don't cry when you call them names or tell them you don't like them, I do... those stars aren't your neighbor/friend/lover/son/brother..... I AM !!! And I hate not being everything you want..... And I thought about it more and more... Finally I snapped and in one flash I felt a sharp pain, a dull thud as my fist fell flat against my face... you know that sound of fists pounding flesh you hear in movies like "Fight Club" ?.. well that is exactly what it sounds like...When they tell you there are stars, I am telling you there are.... everything goes black for a second and all you see are some small stars set against the inside of yoru skull... The pain was a sudden thing, but, before I knew what i was doing It came like a thunder "Thud, Thud, Thud..." And over and over like the fast beating of a perfect drum I struck myself with tight fists. I didn't feel any pain, I was numb... I just kept seeing stars and hearing flesh being pounded... I felt my pulse increase, and a large release of adrenaline into my system. My senses picked up and I felt as though I could fight like a lion. I hurled myself against a wall, threw my body around and around smashing my arms/legs/face/back into the ground.... I stood up to catch my breath, and the hot air exhailed from my ostirls excited me..."Thud, Thud, Thud..." More beating of that drumm..."stars, stars,..." Finally I collapsed into a wretched pile of beaten flesh... I lauged out loud and stood up..."Time to go home......"

Everything works in theory..................

If you are willing to ignore enough facts, everything works in theory. If you are willing to say that some minor deviation is nothing more than a random and therefore unimportant difference, everything works in theory. If you close your eyes long enough, everything works in theory. If you don't take to time to care, everything works in theory. If you ignore the fact that most people who have served a prison sentance leave only to commit more hanouse crimes, prisons work in theory. If you are willing to ignore the fact that teachers are underpaid, that the school slowly deprives students of more and more rights, that the people you know everywhere stand in lines at the ring of a bell, education for free people works in theory.If you don't take the time to watch your attention span drift into nothingness, make you less apt to read and therefore less apt to learn anything counter to what your governemnts education system tells you, television as something good for entertaining works in theory. If you are willing to close your eyes everytime you suffer from emotional starvation because everything is wraped in plastic, the modern world works in theory. If you are willing to ignore that nearly 80% of the things you put into your body can be shown to have strong negative affects on your health, and that natural food products can not be shown to have these affects, the FDA works in theory. If you ignore that drugs were brought in larg quantities to this country in order to supress the black cival rights movement, everything works in theory......... And so ON and SO ON AAND SO ON ! !!! .....

The City and a big grin........... This is good stuff guys...

William Charles stared coldly into the tinted window of his black limmo. Billy Charles stared back from the cold reflective surface. He was darker, nearer than anyone else to William, but he was darker. William Charles asked repeatedly "Who is Billy Charles ?" and Billy responded contemporanously "Who is William Charles ?". Knowing they were getting nowhere, Billy and William smiled at eachother and laughed at the lunacy which sat before them. William relaxed into his seat, took a drink of a dry martini he had been nursing for the last twenty minutes, and looked back to the window. This time Billy appeared for just a second, blinked his eyes, looked right past William and faded into a flurry of passing lights and windows. William blinked his eyes a few more times, they were dry and irritated because William has been awake for more than two hundred fourty six hours. He has had an endless stream of concousness, the last four days have somehow managed to contain enough time for William to have aged four thousand years. William gazed out upon the city, one hundred thousand gigantic monsters stood before him perfectly in line. He was afraid of these monsters, they were increadible, like giant redwood trees. Each monster had a body greater in size than all the mountains and was made from millions of tons of concrete and steel. Each shot into the sky like a spear, pearcing the clowds and poisoning the heavens. Billy loved these monsters, to him, they were power and money. The monsters had billions of roots which ripped deap into the earth. Some were specialized for only certian chemicals, others, for pure electricity. The creaters sucked thousand of gallons of the cleanest water from the ground, and replaced it with putrid filthy waist. The creaters would each eat innumerable many gallons of fossel fuel a day, just to regulate body temperature. The creatures sucked electricty from the surrounding earth, leaving it lifeless and decayed. Billy laughed at his friends the monsters and at the sime time William laughed in frantic horror.....................................

my random website viewing for today ... is rather odd.
it began by running into this website / where I was faced with an odd concept of clown pornography. Sure all my concepts of top-hat wearing women in diapers getting fucked to classical music pornography were odd but clown pornography? From there - I went to a website which seeming was against clown pornography ( who would think there would be a " www.stoptophatwomenindiapersgettingfuckedtoclassicalmusicpornnow.com website? ) --- anywho -- from there i was tossed to another clown website which tried overly too much to be " scary " - I didnt find him to be anything close to such. but then - from the same site which was against clown pornograhy ( by the way - I believe that when you're against something you should probably not put links up to the things you are against - as for me / when they wanted to ' stamp out ' clown pornography, all their links did was made me curious / go to them / and then be slightly... confused. almost angry as well. I could have thought up clown pornography and made MILLIONS ... bastards beat me to the punch ) --- where was I? oh yes.

Dr. Ducky DooLittle. A horrible rendition of a woman with semi-large breasts and a thing for catering to the hedonistic pleasures of all that is " fetish land ". But I ask you this...


does a woman in a tie not look hot?

heh. moving on from the world of clowns - i was almost persuaded to go offline since nobody was online yapping at my ass - and nothing else was entertaining. so I went to livejournal.com in hopes of running into journals of interest - or more websites to browse.

After a whole total of 20minutes I havent found anything that grabs my eyes. It seems most women have an affinity for the word " PIXIE " which is really getting on my nerves. Every other girl is pixie this, pixie that. And pink. Pink and pixies. women need to start getting more ... diverse.

...
jeez. nothing is entertaining.
i think i'll actually post/publish this now.
feh.

i don't have anything constructive to post. rarely do i ever.

so, this past week i have rediscovered bush. a band which i haven't listened to in many a year. now i'm downloading all their old songs.

also, i've discovered 'experimental' german bands. i can't spell the one james told me download. but i did. good stuff.

i shaved. i miss my go-T. sigh. i'll also be getting my haircut sometime. it's halfway down my back. it will be sad. i'll cry. but i'll sell my hair. oh yeah.

so, i was in my room the other day reading 'slapstick' (read it) and i noticed my... what is it? high school diploma... that's it. anyway, i picked it up and i didn't think anything of it. i just kinda tossed across my room and concentrated on the punk on my turntable. it was black flag by the way.

I think i'll get my learner's permit soon. i should. i need it.

Hey guys-

Its been too long, and I expect it to be again. This has been my first day off in.. . I don't even know how many days. I am officially the only person in my house with a steady job. I'm sure you all can imagine the stress of suddenly having a family and responsibilities dropped on you out of the blue. I'm also in school full time (5 more weeks till I'm a certified EMT!!!), working 50+ hours a week, and I recently completed med training. I suggest you all hide your elderly and crazy from me, as I can and will drug them all up. Yes.


Okay. I'm not so intellectual as Mike {who, by the way, you could not pay me to fuck}, so I won't be so long as he is.

I am not sure how, but this morning {or at least it was morning for me, I had just woken up} I didn't notice the emial from my old man that james posted on the board ... So I confronted him about it "while he was furiously raging at the Playstation for so sneakily making games ummm, what is the word?, not absolutely simple like a child would want ?".. and he says "Yeah, I fucking sent the emial. I got somtin to tell those little sneaky bastards with their long hair and goofy clothes @@!" .. wow.. I am impressed, he was able to decipher the meaning of the words "click here" ... congratulations pop ! ... I wish I could say that he is an alcoholic so that his unusually colorful language and apparent lack of concern for personal heigene could be explained. This is not the case however, he is as sober as you and I.... I hope james stickes the man on here, then we can all hear about the nazi-satanist conservatives who are trying every day to destroy the world.... WHOOO... freeky non-alcaholic who acts like one...

you're wondering " what the hell ? "
i'll say this.

Imagine what would be if Jeff and his uber cousin, Makahanaloa, joined forces to fight all that was evil in the world... side by side?



yes. now you understand, dont you?

if you'll notice - two new buttons.

I ordered my Eternal Life rings today! Get yours today! There is no time to waste today! I've already become a 13-year-old hermaphrodite only after hours of wear of my Eternal Life rings I bought today!

http://www.alexchiu.com

He r0x0rz!!1!!!!!11111
--
real good stuff. a definate priceless find. it was difficult to read from the tears of laughter clouding my eyes. BAHAH!



BAHAAHAAAA!

oh my. i have to go lie down now.

HEHE I have a geat word for everyone ..... WHaRG ... so wharg it was and all the people stood in a moment of silence when suddenly a great wharg came from the croud...

WHAAARG !! ................. hehe .. My mouse is cool. Lately it has been doing it's own thing. Even as I am typing my mouse is just scurrying around the screen. It wanders this way and that way, sometimes it even disappears completely. Cute little mouse that it is..... !~!

you know.... WHAT ??

mitchwholesome: hey-so i go on online-in somethingawful.com-but i didnt, i typed in somethignawful.com---and yea, it get this shit---look at it-its weird...its like a CULT page...

mitchwholesome: http://www.somethignawful.com

... Immortality device? .. umm...



and after reading what this guy thinks about " God " -- better yet, his " philosophy " on " God " I have one thing to say...

this is why Pi was a bad movie

ha.

....
I'm sorry :
You should give money to the homeless. No one chooses to be poor. People end up being poor. You are a lot better off than them. So if you see a homeless asking you for a quarter or two, give. Its just a way of saying "Hello". You must have the correct manner.

and Only Alex Chiu has the solution to a unified world, unless you can think of a better one.

this person will be shot down. I plan to do it. systematically. and it will take a long time.

egg salad.
back to sleep I go.

... what?


From: "David Rigney"
Date: Thu, 19 Jul 2001 02:10:52 -0700
To:
Subject: [none]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Umm... yeah slugs are cool. My stupid fucking kid comes here all the god damn fucking shit time. Stupid fucking rat bastard little piece of shit. I fucking hate that fuck kid O mine. But he left your stupid fucking site on, I think it is cool... You should let me join this site and I will set you fucking kids strait !@!..........

Regards David Rigney


this is where I say - again, ....
what?

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Mike has stolen mah bitches!



monkies.

...

Z e r o s h i t
count'em.
seven. no. wait. that's eight. awww damn.

um....Jesse Unix usernames are limited to 8 characters.

I purchased a Playstation 2. I shouldn't have, but Gran Tourismo 3 was just too much to resist. Now I haven't done anything but play that thing since sunday.

Hey Jesse before I can build your account, what username do you want? I was thinking "jessez", but let me know. (no, you cannot have "root")

Yep.


Later.

the end of the day is coming shortly.
slowly, if anything else.

...
i didnt get a big hoop-la from my direct posting of pornography.
dont expect anything more, however. I did that merely because I was tired of splici.... looking through my old files for photos of me and my past sexual escapades. . . . yeah.

I'm actually rather proud of myself for the cunnilingus photo - as although it may not look real - it sure does look funny. Just because I posted about it I had to go and look at it. Man oh man oh man - that gives me the giggles everytime. Even the picture of " Dr. WHO? " makes me crack up. I dont know. I find sex humorous. Rarely do I go online to get pornography to actually relieve some sort of sexual tension with / but just to laugh at. And laugh I do.

Don't worry however. Soon i'll be putting into the works another website which will be specifically designated for " bullshit " stories and pictures. If you'd be interested in such an escapade / email me. I dont know if Jimmoi and/or Mike want to join - but anyone else is open / and as soon as I get it " looking as I want it " I will post a link to it here. What will be the name however?

A Conspiracy of Cartographers

that's taken from R&G are dead when they're talking about England, and Rosencrantz ( I believe ) states that he doesn't believe in England existing... and Guildenstern replies > " What? A conspiracy of cartographers then?"

I woke up one morning with that in my head and figured I should apply it to something. The " bullshit site " just happened to be swimming around in me cranium at the same time. go figure.

I'm going to be adding women to the board / more specifically Ta---whriaa894021 and DS / I don't know if DS wants ( or woud be interested ) in posting - but Aaron once suggested it merely because she views the site. As for Ta=0r-q90ew ( mind you, I spell her name much the same as Ra-940181480's ) she will be added merely because I never got around to making the " application " and people have been bothering me about her joining.

BRADBURY! - sorry, had to get your attention. I am considering a paintball outing in either three-four-five weeks. Would that be acceptable? We have to all agree on a date / and I'm hoping for a friday ( it could be incorporated " jimmoiday/paintball " go figure ) --- Long range estimates I'm figuring are August 3rd or 10th. Also - I avoid doing it on the weekends ( even though we all know it'd be easier ) because not on weekends we can have more " control " over how things are and not have to allow loser walk-ons to join us. And hopefully we get the good ref guy ( i'll have to talk to steven and see if he's up for it ) --- all in all, we have to pull this off.

I believe I'm going to lay down now.

oh - i almost forgot.
two things, actually three : real real quick.

1. You may be asking yourself " what sort of woman would let zach-o fondle her breasts? " ...

-:{ cough }:-
well we all know the answer to that one but I know what you're really thinking - what sort of woman would let zach-o copulate with her? His limo in her garage / his hotdog in her bun / his sausage hidden between the rocks / his meat missle locked on target / his shish-kee-bob roasting / and lets not forget --- the little man hiding from the troubles of the world. Well. I've taken it upon myself to bless you all with what sort of woman would actually allow such a thing to happen. I give you .... Zach-o's girl :



In my opinion? Not that bad - I mean hell, there is a whole lot worse in the world. Lets just all be thankfull that he didnt have sex with Jimmoi. Or me. Or well... not with me THAT HE KNOWS OF ... hee hee hee.

SECOND!!

2. I tried to remember shaving this morning. didnt happen. I still need to shave.

THIRD!

3. ... I really only had two things.

( stated in a very Pi-esque manner )

1. The internet is the language of geeks.
2. If geeks use the internet, pornography must be available.
3. pornography and geeks being together, it must be online.
4. Bonnie having sex with another woman, online - pornography.
4. See it live at " www.bonniefucksgirls.com "
5. I don't watch television. As for masturbation . . .
6. Yes, I know I had two #4s. Don't ask why either.

{ cue weird blippity blip music by Orbital }

Ok see now Bonnie having sex with a girl is something that we all want to hear about.

Well no if he wrote it on his hand it would get all smudged when he beats off......unless he wrote it on the back of his hand, but then he'd never see it....maybe write it across the knuckles....?....

yeah.

James, I wasn't so much calling you a geek as refering to the fact that the internet is infested with porn, and seeing as geeks are the people who (supposedly) use the internet most, geeks must be into porn.

sure


Later.

I am considering the concept of waking up each morning and commiting suicide. Of course - commiting suicide implies that I take a razor to my face each and every waking morning and shave off the stubble that I've been constantly bantering about for about three weeks now. Sure it'd be easy to shave - but who has time? Every time I remember is when I dont have time to do it. Go figure. And commiting suicide each morning would be too cumbersome - too much of a time consumer and NEED to pay attention to what i'm doing in the morning. i stumble around in the shower enough as it is already - I dont need to slice my face up. :O

Hmm......I guess james was a little horny this afternoon. Isn't the internet a wonderful thing? More porn than anything. Just shows you what computer geeks actually spend their time doing, and what they are interested in.

Uh huh.


Later.

I moved something on the floor and a spider scurried away. I laughed. I looked at the spider run ( nowhere out of my sight ) and thought to myself " wouldnt it be neat if I was that spider? " ... I played with the concept of building webs and being predatory - hiding under miscelaneous books that the large being known as " James " has collected in random places on the floor - and I laughed some more / why ? / because soon after having that thought the spider was almost to the point of " saftey " and so I picked up a shoe and SMASHED IT --- NO MORE SPIDER !!! ....

oh, by the way, that's why I was laughin / because I was going to smash it anyway.
I figured I'd explain that merely because there may be some out there who didnt catch onto that little bit of information and all... Anywho - let us begin my post, shall we? I think we shall!

So I was a this swinger's party yesterday : what? You dont know what a swinger is? Well - let me kindly inform you // A swinger is someone who partakes in sex with multiple people who also partake in sex. Kinda funny eh? Well the trick is if you want to sleep with someones' wife, you've got to let them sleep with yours / and guess what buddy ( ? ) - I don't have a wife. In fact, when I meet a girl I think I feel like skewering - I just go up to the guy she's with / and point at some random girl in the room say : " THATS MY WIFE, WANNA TRADEZOR?! " ( now of course I dont say -ZOR, but that's just for fun at the moment ) --- and he sees the random girl and goes " SURE! " and then goes over there to introduce himself, leaving me with his wife. YUM. ANywho - where was I? Oh yes ----

So I was at this swinger's party yesterday and this girl - from out of NO WHERE comes up to me, pulls off her pants ( rather quickly I might add ) and SLAMS IT RIGHT ON ME. I was surprised as you are now { in fact it reminded me of the beatles girl who once sucked me off } anywho - so I was stunned, suprised, and in shock from this girl slapping her bare ass on me. A friend of mine took a picture of it too. here's that picture :



Yeah... that was some crazy stuff, I tell ya what. She was some crazy whore. Later on we caught her trying to rub her breasts against a stuffed yak. Thats when the owner of the house called the cops - and then she tried to throw her hair onto the police calling them midgets from planet hell. Poor girl. She was kinda-sorta hot too, I would have given her a good time. But instead some cute blonde came up to me and asked if I had a long tounge. I stuck it out, flipped it a couple of times, and she quivered with the thoughts I could do. She asked me if I had any experience with cunnilingus - I lied and told her " No ma'am, you'd have to teach me! " - women are always suckers for the whole " teach me " wrap. So she said she knew an open room, grabbed me by the hand, and directed me upstairs. Sure we had some small talk on the way there - but both of us knew the only one " talking " would be her moaning my name. Which I told her right before we entered the room. " My name is James " I said - " Why do I care? " she said - I said " So you know who's name to moan. " --- See? I knew it was coming. or rather - that she would be ... we got up to the room and there were little " spermies " all over the wall - I thought to myself that the guy who owns this place must put on ' parties ' a lot. So what, I looked down at the bed and she had already laid back, gotten nude, and spread her legs for me. I dived in.



We were up there ( in the room with spermies ) for quite awhile - I don't know exactly how long - but it was pretty damn long. When I was through, she couldnt get up - her knees had gone out on her and her legs wouldnt work. I laughed. It was funny. I went back downstairs and who should I see?! MY ARCH NEMISSIS - DR.WHO? ... I called him DR.WHO? because I didn't know who he was - because he always wore that bloody mask. I briefly thought over to myself that it could be Jimmoi / or maybe Jeff - one of the two / but then why would they follow me? Hmmm.... All I knew is that DR.WHO always followed me wherever I went, I just couldnt get away from him. Once I went to a rodeo and there he was riding one of the bulls. That bastard. I didn't know the girl he was with. But she obviously looked jealous / maybe her husband found a better looking man than she did. who knows. that's the way life is in the fact-track that is being A SWINGER.



Eventually I got home to my wife - yes, my wife. So I lied in the begining / what man in his right mind would bring his wife to a swinger's party? Anywho - so I got home to my wife ( after a wild time at the party ) and proceeded to just MAKE LOVE to her. It lasted longer than I expected, and she didn't get any sleep for work the next day. Go Figure.





-end.

{ GASP }

I've been found out!
BLOODY HELL.

I'm thinking about adding Doreen to the board.
Maybe even Rachael in the event I get into contact with her.
I dont know why. Just a thought that crossed my mind.

Also.
I dont care what you ( any of you ) think { about this }
I dont even know why I'm posting about it.

go figure.

Hello.
Okay see I'm replying.
I went to check my mail today and I had 425 messages in my inbox and 120 in my crap mail and I just happened to glance up and saw your e-mail. so I saved it. Yay! Wasn't that a nice story.
Well, I will warn you that you may have better luck writing to me and my rock (Franklin, remember?) at { edited }
Big difference in addresses huh? You have ICQ? Well me too! Maybe we could talk someday. Well bye bye

~*Misty*~ :o)
Xox...O


now someone please tell me that " Maybe we could talk someday " is a swave way of saying " Maybe you could come over to my place and wildly fuck me in the ass " ? eh? eh?

And yes - it's the same misty with the talking rock. she even mentioned that... WHAORRGGHK. :O

USE A GOD DAMNED SPELL CHECKER, BONNIE!
Chroist - You missssssspelled REALISE.

I'm dowen wif ya Bradbrueiy. sTUped peepol no kan speel.
FUSHKARSRS!!!


... hah.

Hey Mike do you remember Lars Knutson?

Onward....
Ok so I now know that working in the summer really sucks.
I mean really. It blows.
But at least I get to spend all day inside buildings away from the evil sunlight.
It's Friday the 13th. Like it really means anything, but some people think it does. I think that people having a bad day on occasions such as this do so because they think they will. If you get out of bed with the idea that the day will suck, it will. However, if you feel that this will be a day like any other, guess what, it usually will be. Some small advice from someone on the brink of exhaustion (it really has been a very long day)


Anyway, Tacoma Rainiers baseball is pretty damn good for ten bucks a ticket. That's front row behind home plate for ten bucks.

BTW mister author dude, use a fucking spell checker. There's no excuse not to. Lazy bastard (this coming from the king of all lazy bastards.

When will we be going paintballing again?


Ugh.


Later.

Ohh and tease me with an umbrella why don't you ?...

I was going to go to sleep before I wrote this, but I thought it would be better to get out all nice a fresh.. You know the old tune "good good fresh fresh taco time's the very best, any time is taco time..(TM)." So I finished Vonnegut's great little book "Breakfast of Champions (TM)" and then I got a call on my message transmiting device {telephone} from my friend adam and his friends the {tittering little teenyboppers}... DUM DUM DUM .. they like to hang around me because i am not "POP CULTURE" I.E. I am not a ROCKER or a SKATER or a this or a that or a yellow bird, ect... What is this world coming to ?.. who Knows I am going to get some sleep ......... Mike

Hell... "ohh, what is that ?" "You don't know about hell ?" "No I have no idea what hell is all about.."

"Let's start from the beginning... Hell is where people < or things resembling people> are sent because the break natural laws of moral and just behavior willingly and willfully"
"I can understand that a special place ought to be reserved for such people, considering that we can definitely say " "With that in mind I will tell what is going on in hell. People are tortured senslessly and constantly inorder that they stand as an example to the rest of the universe just what the creator will do if you try and fuck him in his asshole..".." Such is the natural turn of things for those relentless bastards ehh ?" "Indeed it is, but there is more to it..." "what is there more to hell then that ?"..."Ohh it is simple really, you are in hell as we speek .." "Why ?" Damn if I know ........


HEHEHE where did that come from ?? FUCKING Vonnegut ............Regards Mike

The whole shebang..... What can a bunch of anatacid tablets can do for you on a hot sunday afternoon ?.................

And so it is, My sister came home today after a five day misadventure with some persons or others who I don't know. It's funny how she pratters on reporting on every little turn of events. gitter gitter pratter pratter, that is what I hear. Prat prat prat and gitter giggle bla bla titter... over and over and over her voice is turning in my mind as a constant reminder that we are nothing alike in taste or designe. I feel like telling her "Sheila, you are what I use to define stupid, because as far as I can tell there is no other collection of atoms on this earth that is quite as stupid and ridiculous as you are!"... But that wouldn't be very nice would it ?.. I woke up this morning thinking of how nice some kinds of math are, and why I like them for this or that reason. Interesting bit of ,dreaming I did by the way I was in the joose selling place telling people about the numbers that live inside the jooose machines. Little blue number 4's that eat meat and shit out copper colored liquid...... So what do I do ?.. I stare at pages all the time. On the pages are collections of symbols which we have decided are special and given sounds ... The collections are put together in magical ways to make meaningful words and other some such statements as can be made by special symbols in magical combinations. I like to stare at the ones which other people have given praise, so I can stare at them and they can take on meaning in my mind, producing images and all sorts of things feelings, ect then I can praise them as well and feel good knowing that I have good taste just like everyone else with good taste....... So what is wrong with me ??... I have narrowed it down quite well indeed it is that i have an increadibly black and white all or nothing attitude about everything. See I like to make all these little mechanical models of people and things in the universe and I rely on that model to decided just what actions amount to what outcomes and other things of that nature. The models inevitably fail and I am left confused and disoriented. It is because I like to be sure of things and without some kind of model I never feel quiet sure of anything, I abandon my models all of the time and so I am forced constantly to be making new models and never even being able to do anything with them because the constantly fail and I start over again. I can't do anything that i don't have some kind of model for, because I have to be sure of the outcome and so if I have no model I am not sure and I just sit there in idle.... Over and over the cycle goes. I jump back in fourth in a distructive pattern between extremes of behavior just trying to eek out some regularity and soundness in anything. I just can't deal with randomenss and irregularity, I hate broken symmetry !!..

Bla bla bla life goes on ................. There is no explination or excuse for my behavior ! regards Mike

In other news - we see that the world is slowly coming to a standstill... How many people do you know wear hats? MONKIES! MONKIES! MONKIES! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKIIIIIIIIEEEEEEES!



yoooooou and meeeeee
we're in this together now
nothing else can stop us now
even after everything
im the king and jimmoi is the the queen!!!

" Have the Rolling Stones Eliminated! "

" But sir, those aren't the. . . "

" DO AS I SAY! "


ahhh, you've got to love the simpsons.

a few things for now.

1. I will be soon putting together another website which will be dedicated purely to bullshit stories. I've got to think up a catchy name for it - but it'll be grand. I don't care who wants to post there - but as long as they can post pictures in an aesthetic way - post stories with no correlation with just about anything but them ranting on about a fantasy world they live in - and so on. Merely because I don't think anyone here exactly enjoys my psychosis-embued rant-stories.

2. I am putting up a link to this guy's website because I figured mike would enjoy it. Another mathmatician - but not as self proclaimed of a loser as the last guy that mike found. As this guy already has a blog I doubt he'd fancy joining ours.

3. Bonnie seems to harbor this delusion that the red-headed girl I slept with on monday is one-and-the-same as the girl from the Kitty Litter factory with a strap-on. Could this be? Have I been decieved? That would explain her agressive stance towards always wanting to play with large pieces of fruit and trying to poke them into my anus.... Hmmmm... I shall further investigate - although I seriously do believe that she just liked fruit.

4. I dont know. I had only three statements. Go figure.

MY lurid sex life

you may be wondering to yourself Hey James, Where Is your sex life? - and in fact I know you're not wondering, you're openly asking yourself ... you've probably even written down in your journal " What is with James' sex life? What is the butsexx? " --- granted : you may be thinking a little bit more detail like " where is the application for James' sex life " or even better yet " I wonder how I could get into being a major player in James' sex life " ... well guess what buddy! Through the wonders of the government sticking one of them wireless cameras in my room - you can actually WATCH my sex life. I'm sure it's being broadcasted right this moment to some sweedish XXX site. In any event ....



Anywho - let me first address what you were thinking to yourself " How do i get to be a sex slave for James? " --- Well ... you see I have a strict dress code - and a list of check offs. Some of the check offs are as follows :

1. You are a woman.
2. You are a good looking woman.
3. You have no want to wear a strap-on and fuck me.
4. I like the cut of your jib. ( ha ha ha )

sure, you may think that there shouldn't be a reason for the check-off #3 -- but when you hang around with phallic-crazed lesbians down at the local pub, you hear some stories that you wouldn't like to hear. Take for instance - I know of this one girl who was so obcessed with her plastic strap-on-pee-pee that she once tried to sneak it into one of her girlfriend's MAC DONALDS french fries box. Little did she notice the big plastic penis in her box - until right when she had dipped it into her ketchup and was getting ready to stick it in her mouth - a passer by had said " HEY JESUS CHROIST THATS A PLASTI-PENIS! " and realising the horror, she bitched out her phallic-obcessed friend. Yes. These things do happen. it's what happens when you give a woman KITTY LITTER - KITTY LITTER promotes homosexuality in women. This I know. here - take this photo I recently stole from our local Kitty Litter distribution centre. You'll notice that she obviously has been inhaling too much kitty litter fumes.



Moving on ... where was I before we got stuck with the dangers of kitty litter? Oh yes! MY SEX LIFE - well you see I recently had over a girl you see - and she's kind of hot - and if you'll notice in the picture there is a poster in the background / yes / i admit it - i am a beatles fan ( actually - to tell you the truth - i'm not / but she was - so i figured i could bullshit it / go out and buy me a poster and a european flag and stick it on my wall and she'd fuck me - go figure )

So she comes over - and she sees this poster on the wall right - and then she sees my flag - and she says " YOUR A BEATLES FAN?! " and I said " You bet I am, I have all their albums! " and then she asked to see them - and I said they're all in mint condition and that exposing them to light would actually damage them so I keep them in the basement locked in a box - and I never open the box - and she said " Well then how do you listen to them? " and I looked her in the eyes and said " I make my own music... " and then she quickly turned, flipped up her skirt, and placed her ass above me in which so I could place my greasy hands all over. That is exactly when this picture was taken :



Yeup - so she's over there in the corner now moaning my name. I better go give her what she needs. Also - you might be wondering where my other two bitches went. You see - I was so much for them that they've actually stopped being lesbians and I only have them on MONDAYS now - and as today is TUESDAY I have my beatles fan chic.... yeup.

life is great when you're fucking so many different women at the same time....

you bet.

Mike-man we need to get together and do something one of these days.....

and the rest of us.....

PAINtball.

that is all.


Later.

I am going to write about the last four days of my life. I will simply relay many numbers of hours spent on various things, various thoughts and experiences, and other numbers pertaining to how often I have performed some activities. These days are exactly typical of my everyday experience ........

During the last four days .

I have not had one dream that I can recall....
I slept a total of 27 hours..
I spent 89 hours in my room..
I ate on exactly eight different occasions..
I drank ten pots of coffee..
I smoked over 60 cigarettes..
I read mathematics a total of 73 hours..
I spent 82 hours sitting at my computer..
I realized that in order to fall asleep I have to stop controlling what my mind is doing. This is very difficult when you spend as much time reading and typing as I do...
I spoke with seven different people for less than twenty minutes at a time...
I wrote 26 emails...
I recieved 5 replies...
I spent 10 hours of time thinking out math problems while attempting to sleep on my computer desk..
I went outside 8 times for less than twenty minutes at a time, mostly while on the phone...
I found 56 four leaf clovers....
I swated over 97 bugs..
I fed one fish and two dogs four different times...
I took garbage outside on one occasion..
I thought about getting a job and moving to seattle 10 different times..
I thought that I hated myself over 98 times..
I found myself not knowing why I was doing whatever it was that I was doing over 43 times..
I showerd 4 times during random periods of the day...
I changed clothes 4 times...
I sang to myself 7 times..
I talked to myself a total of 18 hours..
I spent 1.2 hours pouring coffee into cups and rolling cigarettes..
I thought about taking drugs 3 times..
I thought about doing something with my friends 8 times..
I wondered if I have any friends 5 times..
I hated jimmy 26 times..
ect..ect..ect..ect..ect..
I spoke aloud a total of 23 hours..

Thoughts on Big Kahuna

Overall - the movie was " ok " - not as stupendeous and grand as Aaron made it out to be, and not as " good " as Jimmoi still claims it to be. My main beef is that the characters weren't fleshed out enough. Danny Devito could be argued that he's fleshed out - but thats bullshit because all he plays is the quiet and yet somewhat wise, experienced through life, mentor - so it isn't that he is " fleshed out " in-as-much as he doesn't say much of anything, leaving the viewer to " fill in the details " themselves.

In fact - the MAJORITY of character explinations come through other people ( Spacey about Devito, Devito about Spacey, Christian about Kahuna ) - which gives the film the " ok " quality - but I still believe the characters in-themselves should have been more prominant.

Spacey's character in himself was an enigma merely because he promoted one self towards others - and yet through Devito's character we find that he's entirely different. Now the characters themselves have no correlation with why they are there ( as it is stated many times ) - but they still play a vital part into how you act, and what one does. Spacey's character does actions which in-themselves are entirely unexplainable merely because they seem to be put there to be unexplainable. A " loose cannon " feel is exactly what you're suppose to feel - because it isnt that " nobody knows where he's going " but rather " the author doesnt know where he's going ".

The Christian depicted in this film I guess brings feelings of spite out from Jimmoi. He was hypocritical, judging spacey's character - but if you think about it - Spacey's character threw himself into the judgement light - specifically saying " If Jesus saw a woman in a buisness suit maybe the whole idealogy would be different " and other such things. I don't think that he is meant to be hypocritical in-as-much as Spacey's character is hypocritical in always speaking about adultry - yet never having commited it / and Devito's character in " not caring / giving up " and yet giving advice to a young man. They're all hypocrits - We all are.

My biggest dissapointment was The Kahuna. Always it is stated " he wanted to be left alone " and " his dog died " ... that is the extent that we know of him - and to some further extent : all that Spacey and Devito know of him as well. The viewer is left not with a view of " The big picture " but rather stuck with the two/three characters in a world where still nothing makes sense - and that people are just functions. It isnt profound. It isnt moving. It just seems to be.

Big Lebowski is moving, and profound. It shows an external view of " the big picture ". The same with Slacker. The same with The Game, and Pi. This movie wasnt moving at all. It was bearable, ok, and a movie that one could easily watch without getting confused thinking to themselves " Will Kevin Spacey Play the same damn character again or will he not? "

also.
this is a picture of the two women I will be fucking tonight.
yes, both at the same time.
In fact, they're here right now... oh! wait honies, i'll be right there!
g'nite fellas,
dont you wish you were me?

I had a dream about a woman who kept giving head to people's EGOs ... as if they were a physical manifestation of oneself... Really odd - she kept trying to suck mine off but I kept beating her with a cane. I beat women who keep trying to do "sexual" things to me with a cane A LOT in my dreams... I just woke up... bhwoardk.

Hey slugs here is something for you to think about just a little bit... I give you my promise it will be easy and won't hurt a bit....
You know your general reading and thinking voice ??... that little voice inside your head that dictates to you what you are reading and also while you are typing?... That one which you can activate at any time and cause to sound words in your mind ?.... Well, have you ever noticed that it sounds nothing like your actual voice ?.. That is, it sounds nothing like the voice that you hear on tape or when you speek ?... just say words and listen to the sound you hear !!! it sounds nothing like that !.. As far as I can tell it has nothing particular about it with the acception that it sounds nothing like any "real" voice I have ever heard ............ crazy huh ?... I think that it may sound masculine for me... I wonder if a female has a femanine sounding internal voice ?.... any responses ?....

this is just a test. and if it works - GRAND ....

egg salad

I figured I should play too....


prymekuts: Hey - you lookin for joe?
CoolLuvB: no
CoolLuvB: i am right next to him
prymekuts: oh - well then glad you found em!
prymekuts: Joe Dipeirro right?
CoolLuvB: duh
prymekuts: yeah... tell'em I said hi.
CoolLuvB: who r u?
CoolLuvB: name plz?
prymekuts: M'name is James.
prymekuts: but the question is - do you REALLY know Joe Dipeirro, and is he REALLY right next to you?
CoolLuvB: brb
CoolLuvB: yes
CoolLuvB: how u know him
prymekuts: I don't know Joe all that well - so I'm gonna have my pal Mark ask you some questions about 'em to see if you really know'em. Expect an IM from him sometime.
CoolLuvB: put him on right now
CoolLuvB: drudy\

not mud: so you know joe eh?
CoolLuvB: better then u
not mud: what color hair does he have?
not mud: ... it's a simple question.
CoolLuvB: blacksish
CoolLuvB: so where do u live

prymekuts: so is he talkin to ya?
CoolLuvB: ya
CoolLuvB: joe is my bf

CoolLuvB: i want answers
not mud: did he dye it?
CoolLuvB: blackis brownis
not mud: hmm. do you know his mother's name? what's his last name? do you know what his best friend's name is? Does he have a girlfriend? How old is he?
not mud: if you get all those right - then you're ok.
CoolLuvB: i am his gf
not mud: oh.
not mud: oooooh.
CoolLuvB: leave him the fuck alone
not mud: then what is =YOUR= name?
CoolLuvB: gay wad
CoolLuvB: roxanne
not mud: ah ok.
not mud: n/m.
CoolLuvB: bastard

prymekuts: ok - Mark says you're ok. So why were you lookin for Joe?
prymekuts: Hello?
CoolLuvB: bye
prymekuts: ?!?!

not mud: hey - watch it, I'm just lookin out for my bud.
CoolLuvB: whose ur bud
CoolLuvB: joe is doping that
not mud: doping?
CoolLuvB: g
CoolLuvB: doinh
CoolLuvB: doing
not mud: o... k...
not mud: James wants to know why you aren't talking to him.
not mud: wtf?
CoolLuvB: buzy like a beee

prymekuts: U R A STOOPID BYTCH - I HOPE U FIND OUT ABOUT THAT OTHER GIRL THAT JOE IS FUCKING WHEN HE SAYS HE IS ACTUALLY AT WORK AND TELLS HIS BOSS THAT WHEN YOU CALL THAT HE IS AT WORK. FUCK YOU.

not mud: ...
not mud: I think ... James is angry.


ahhh... fun.

because

You all know jimmoi tried to post about my newest love interest. well. it didnt quite work for you if you didnt have a yahoo profile. well then - guess what? through carefull hacking of his system ( yes, through the wonders of the internet I have been able to bring you these torrid secrets ) and manipulation of phone lines - I bring you ...

JIMMOI'S NIGHT LIFE!

yes yes yes! Jimmoi has a night life that none of you know about - merely because he doesnt want you to know! BUT I KNOW! He puts on makeup - changes his entire persona - in fact, he dresses like a woman! DO YOU WANT TO SEE?! Of course you do! Below is a picture of him outside of one of his " clubs " checking his makeup to make sure nobody will notice him. Do you see a resemblance? Of course you dont! Because he has mastered the art of deception and nobody suspects that he's a tall, odd looking half-asian boy.



Jimmoi then attempts to get into the " club " in which has a secret pass-code. But you see - Jimmoi has also found a way past this hurdle as well! Utilizing his coy manners of deception - he shows off his " pOwAr " bracelets. Quickly the participants of the " club " accept him ( or " her " ) as part of their group! Jimmoi has made it past security! HE IS IN!



" Yes! " Jimmoi exclaimed to himself. Quickly he surveyed the area for his three girl friends. He then found them in a corner, dancing rhythmically to " dA bEaT ". He whipped out his digital camera and told all of them to smile. But here's the trick, I know all three of them. The one with normal hair is actually a male prostitute who works the corner of fourth and stewart. The one with purple hair is, true to her nature, a woman who enjoys dressing up like men and wearing big " Mickey Mouse " hands in which to grope homosexual men - not knowing that she's a woman. And the one with orange-yellow hair doesnt exist. Entirely a figment of Jimmoi's imagination - that she is.



and for a brief moment, the music got louder - and Jimmoi found himself lost in a world full of moving lights, fog, and a crazy euro-trash beat that he couldnt help but shake his " bootay " to.



" Hey bitch! That's my piece of ass you is shake'n! " - was clearly heard throughout the " club " - the music stopped, the place cleared up - and suddenly Jimmoi's boyfriend was there to greet him!

( please note, parental monitoring is advised with next viewing )



All was going fine for Jimmoi - he was gyrating against his man - the music flowed through " her " and her boyfriend " Big Mack " he liked to be called - and the lights flickered and flashed and moved and danced along the walls and through the entire universe everything was grand. BUT THEN JIMMOI SAW THAT BITCH STEPHANIE WHO TRIED TO TAKE HER MAN AWAY FROM HIM!



She ( Jimmoi ) quickly called out her best friend George with his yellow-raver-flowy-things-of-death to beat the living shit out of Stephanie, checked her makeup, said bye bye to friends, checked out of the " club " and went home to fuck " BIG MACK ".











The End. . . . . . . . . . or is it?

American Madness.... This is choice A-#1 prime beef, or at least it was before we stuck it in a freezer truck and shipped it across the country for a week to your local super market........MmmMmm New-York steak !!!.............

What if Tobacco Advertisments told the truth ?

"Western" depicts a posse of teenagers pitching body bags onto the backs of horses with slurs that include, "Go on, be a cowboy!" as the horses gallop away; "Nightclub," goes interior to follow the exploits of one stiff that's dragged through the dance floor by his friends as slinky ladies caress the body bag; "Parachute," opens inside a DC-3 as adrenaline junkies pitch body bags attached to parachutes from the plane shouting, "Taste the adventure!" as they descend from the heavens; and "Beach," has the bags frolicking with hipster friends as they top up their tans. The spots work as sardonic stabs against the plethora of iconic imagery rendered in the tobacco advertising world --- images such as the immortal Marlboro Man riding the range with his cancer sticks, or the enticing Joe Camel whose rambunctious yet regal lifestyle suggests smoking is cool. As the percentage of American teen smokers continues to rise, the campaign aims to highlight such influential tobacco ads. (When the tobacco industry settled several state lawsuits in 1998, it agreed to fund the anti-tobacco American Legacy Foundation, devoting its energy to persuading teens not to smoke.)

So what happined with all that ??... Recently the Supreme court found the anti-tobbaco legislation unconstitutional !!!... So you see, tobacco companys have the constitutional right to advertise near highschools and places where teenagers gather in the mass ??.... They have the constitutional right to use (cool slogans, sex, characters, and the idea of fun/sucess/riches...) to sell an addictive substance to teenagers (who aren't even legally able to purchase the substance) an addictive substance I.E. once you get hooked it is a whole lot of hell if your "stuff" isn't around...This substance leads to DEATH !!! in a major way !!.......It's as much a nasty character as crack cocain , acept, it takes longer to kill !! so it's an affectively marketable substance because the average addict stays alive (and addicted) for about 40 years or so... A 40 year long regular customer is something nice to have !!, no other product can ever hope for such devout customer !.. But the Truth campaign is constitutional, yet, it is being deflated all the time ... How long has it been since you saw a truth commercial ?.. they are appearing less and less frequently ,,, why ??... could all this have something to do with our recent (republican president/ administration ?).. Please recall that Republicans are basically conservative rich capitolist whores ... and get a nice long look at this

Florida's innovative pilot program to stop teen smoking is in jeopardy of blowing away, but tobacco lobbyists say they aren't to blame.

The nation's cigarette makers pumped $425,000 into Florida political campaigns last fall, but they're not out to kill the "Truth" campaign, said John French, lobbyist for Philip Morris USA, the nation's largest cigarette maker.

Supporters, who say youth attitudes about smoking are changing, hope the Senate will allocate the $61.5 million recommended by Gov. Jeb Bush. The GOP-led Senate would set aside $30 million.

Lobbyists for the American Cancer Society, one of the campaign's strongest supporters, are at a loss to explain the loss of support on the House side.

The tobacco industry is a heavy contributor to political campaigns. The Florida Republican Party and its candidates received close to $300,000 from the industry for last year's campaigns. Democrats got another $125,000, state records show.

Money for the "Truth" campaign comes from the state's $13.2 billion legal settlement with cigarette makers, reached in 1997. The campaign has aired provocative anti-smoking TV ads, billboards and community programs.

A September survey by the campaign showed 59 percent of teens questioned agreed that "smoking has nothing to do with whether or not a person is cool." Six months earlier, 45 percent agreed with the statement. In addition, the survey found that 92 percent of respondents were aware of the Truth campaign and its ads.
!! ... hmmm it looks as though truth combined with anti-cigarrette adveritsment polocy was working ehhh ?.. (note that all this was from the clinton administration, but hey all the news told about him was how he got his pee-pee sucked !!!... which is far more important an issue than people being killed by capitolist whores selling addictive drugs in every major supermarket/gas station ect.. in the country !!! I wonder how they got so rich ?.. and can now afford to bury all that work ?.. The fact is, they know it is addictive and have known THAT IS WHY THEY SELL IT... But they also know that it kills THAT IS WHY THE SELL TO KIDS !!!! HOW CAN THE FDA CALL THIS A SAFE SUBSTANCE ?????????>........

Publicly the industry denied and continues to deny that it is clear that smoking causes lung cancer - yet it has understood the carcinogenic nature of its product since the 1950s. It is now clear that the industry’s stance on smoking and health is determined by lawyers and public relations concerns. So what exactly does this product do to people who use it ?.. We all know the answer to that (iron lungs, holes in the neck, sick raspy voices ,... all sorts of nasty stuff.......)

]
Until recently the industry has denied its product is addictive. Most recently it has used a definition of addictiveness so broad that it encompasses shopping and the Internet. Internally, it has known since the 1960s that the crucial selling point of its product is the chemical dependence of its customers. Without nicotine addiction there would be no tobacco industry. Nicotine addiction destroys the industry’s PR and legal stance that smoking is a matter of choice

The companies deny that they target the young. The documents reveal the obvious - that the market of young smokers is of central importance to the industry. Many documents reveals the companies’ pre-occupation with teenagers and younger children - and the lengths they have gone to in order to influence smoking behaviour in this age group.

The industry maintains that advertising is used only to fight for brand share and that it does not increase total consumption - academic research shows otherwise. The documents show that advertising is crucial in nurturing the motivation to smoke by creating or projecting the positive values, such as independence, machismo, glamour or intelligence, erroneously associated with the product.

The documents show that the companies initially hoped to make safer cigarettes, but then abandoned the enterprise when it recognised that this would expose their existing products as `unsafe’. The industry has deliberately promoted ‘low-tar’ cigarettes knowing that they would offer false reassurance without health benefits. It has manipulated nicotine and introduced additives to change the delivery of nicotine. It recognises the cigarette as a drug delivery device.

The industry is challenged by passive smoking in two way. First, measures to protect non-smokers will reduce the opportunities to smoke and contribute to its social unacceptability. Second, the ‘freedom to smoke’ arguments are confounded if non-smokers are harmed. The industry has refused to accept the now overwhelming consensus regarding the harm caused by passive smoking - instead it has denied and obfuscated, and sought to influence debate by buying up scientists on a spectacular scale.

Faced with reducing levels of smoking in the West and an insatiable need for money, the companies have moved aggressively into developing countries and Eastern Europe. The documents reveal an arrogance and fanaticism that has imperialist echoes.

There is endless literature about it all over the internet,... If you are actually interested you can find enough to keep you reading for days !!... But my question is, why ?.. what is wrong with our country to keep letting people sell deadly addictive drugs in the open market ?... and I want to show that the real badguys are the republicans in office who are repealing all the anti-tobacco work which was done under the clinton administration (ar at least during).. and to realize that republicans do not concerne themselves with the public interest, only big money private interests... but they are christians aren't they ?........... Well christians who gave the top 4 million riches people a tax break that the other 200 million people in america will have to pay for..... but hey, I think the government should direct most of it's time toward a very small group of well to do people and let the rest of us fight in the streets for food ............ ROFL !!!... but what kind of civilization is this ?... It sure as hell isn't anything near a democracy to me, sure, we can all vote... but only on the things that the (guys up there) choose for us to vote on... not to mention not one of us who isn't in that class of the top 4-million can afford to advertise on (public) airwaves and tell people what we want them to know !!!...... after all, you only hear what someone wants you to hear .........................

Mike

it makes you think

what? no it doesnt. of course it doesnt - if it did : then I wouldnt be here in a towel again posting about absolutely nothing in particular - but rather off in my own little world thinking about it - that is ... if it made me think / which it didn't - so I'm not.

I'm horribly bored at the moment - maybe thats my problem. I need something... or hell, let me clarify : someone to do. Something(one) to dedicate the majority of my waking hours to. bloody fucking hell. WHARGH I tell you, WHARG against the night!

There doesn't seem much to do anymore. I've got absolutely nothing to do. I guess this is why people turn to drugs - because there is nothing to do - but I'd rather have nothing to do instead of nothing to do / and not be aware of it. something not-quite-right with not being aware of life. it bothers me.

eh, what'er you going to do about it?

I was all ready and planning to meet some new girl up in seattle with piercings galore - but now jimmoi is panzying out - bastard - now he wants to go up to seattle with no plan of action. fuck that. i damn well hate having no plan of action. it bugs the living bajezus out of me. My life already has no direction and it doesn't need much of any more.

BUGGAH

I've recently been bothered by a question - a question that just doesnt seem to have an answer : and justifies just about anything you could ever want to do : and it just sits there with it's little grin and prods at you - and you cant rightly ever shoot it down because no matter what you do it's always there... smiling away. the question that has not got out of my head : that haunts my every waking day : that says "HAH HAH BITCH, LOOK AT ME" - the question is :

Why Not?

and it pisses me off.

trillian

crazy stuff.

google.yahoo.com/bin/query?p=my sister friends tits on hidden camera&b=21&hc=0&hs=0

hahaha. that's some funny stuff.
oh dear lord - i tell you - how people get to this website, the things they search for - it cracks me up really. really it does.

on a lighter note, I know how to cook macaroni and cheese -
NOT ONLY THAT! but I can cook it well!

man. that made my day.

I am back here again, sitting at a screen and typing. It is hours later, it feels like years, I feel like I have aged by years. I can't get past that, I am older and I can feel it...
Not that I am older say than I was this morning, it is different, I am just older, older than something. I percieve that I have age, an age, and that I am older... before that I never thought of it, I was ageless and never older, never getting older, finality is strange. I have a feeling, a strangess lurking in the foreground of everything. I can't see it or taste it or smell it, I don't know if it is there because it is everywhere at once, I just know that things are different than the are supposed to be, or, than they were before. It is maddening, it is uniformly pronounced upon every schimera and corporial body in my mind, my body, the strangess.. How can it be a strangeness when I have no means by which to distinguish what is normal from anything ?.. everything is strange ~!~... I know I have felt differently, food tasted differently and the world itself felt/looked/smelled differently, comfortable. And now it is alien, strange and unruly, slimy... this skin feels wrong, these clothes, this voice, even the air seems to me an alien fluid which fills and caresses my vacuous places, which with some reched warmth caresses me as though it were a well known friend.....But I am violated by it's embrace, I know that it is strange and yet I can not escape it... This vile wretched shell, it is like a dead animal, freigtning and repulsive as though there were some life gone out of it, some life that normally makes it vibrant and attractive and is now gone... it is unnatural... I sat this morning and had a cup of coffe, that is when I first noticed it, when I tasted the coffee and it was all wrong, something wrong with it... I thought it had gone bad and I made another pot... I held the cup to fill it again and the cup felt aweful, cold, the feeling got into my hand and I dropped it, the cup shattered on the floor and I did not feel anything... I made no mistake, something was wrong with the cup and I suffered no loss.. I tried another cup of coffe and I couldn't stand it... it was disgusting and horrid.. I spat it out immediatly and then my father asked me what was wrong.. His voice was strange and his face was aweful to me, who is he ?...It came like a dream and I felt like I was spinning then, the strangeness was everywhere and I could feel the strangness of my skin on my body ... my own flesh was decieving me, hiding what was supposed to be there.. I had quickly forgotten where I was and I let out a slight scare, suddenly as it had began I stopped spinning... I was standing in my kitchen (MY KITCHEN).. the one I have stood in a thousand million times,, but the strangess was not gone, I just became slightly happy, surrounded by all that was obsurd and strange, without reason, without form, it had nothing ... I could identify everything and I do not know how or why because it was all alien... The world feels dirty in a sense, like a bum is dirty, like a freightning vagarant because he isn't right and clean and sturdy... Where am I ????

A letter to a cat in april while the flowers were blooming ............. Regards Mike

it is cold in this room

or is it just inside me - i don't quite know - nor can i tell the difference - i think the cold prevents me from realizing my insides are moving - its a rare thing that, my insides moving and rather disturbing - makes you think there is a different entity inside of you ( note to mike ripping open a pillbug to allow multiple copies of itself run free, only to be eaten by ants ) - i feel like my head is to be ripped off any thousands of sickly perverse copies of myself are to come rushing out of my insides. ok so maybe not. but there is something there - and the bloody cold is keeping me from realising that it is - it could be debated that since I know it exists and that the cold is covering it up that I do know it is there, but let me clarify - i do not feel it there - so i can rationally percieve it's existance, but not be caught up in it.

a lot of things are like that. like sex for example. too many people say that I cannot know sex without experiencing it. but that is besides the point. do i have a point? i dont exactly know - but let me start at the begining - if there is a percievable begining to any of this - now i'm getting caught up in the fact that there cannot percievably be a begining to anything merely because in stating that there is a begining you are stating that there will be an ending - and you arent always around for an ending - and the ending isnt really all that percievable anyway - so the whole concept of begining and ending are merely supplanted onto things to make us believe that there was a definate " START " and a definate " FINISH " - but what difference does that really make?

I think I might have a brain problem. Last night - and consecutively ( now ) make me be believe so. I get sharp pains. I don't bother with thinking, or talking, or paying much attention to it - because I figure everyone else has them too - but you see : they dont - and that's something I've been trying to hide from myelf for a long, long time - it would be fun if I had some sort of brain problem - it would be a big excuse for being the way I am - that's what I think I look for the majority of the time - a big excuse for me - because as it is now - there is no reason for the way I am - but I tell you : there is SOMETHING to what I am - I know that - because I can't get rid of it - so it's there - but the question is WHY - why is it in me : and why on earth ( or what intent on earth ) - does it have to be in me for?

Do any of you feel that? A need to be - a need to be ... I don't know - I need to be something but not " something " like everyone else percieves something to be - but to be SOMETHING - it's hard to explain - ... just a need to be ... argh. Well it's in me, that need - and I try to shove a pillow over it's face and smite it for all I'm worth but it just doesnt seem to happen - it always rears it's ugly head in some form or another to snap me in the god-damned rear and say "HEY BUDDY, YOU'RE SPECIAL!" and all I want to be is un-special. I get so much flak from people when they see that thing in me - and they wish they had it - they wish they had it so much so they could do all the things they've dreamed off - so they could be the best they ever were - so they can be that something but cant because they've not got that " thing " - and then they see me with it - and I'm fighting as hard as I can - as hard as I bloody well can not to give in to it and they dont like that - they want that - in fact if they had it they say they could do all the great things - but it's different when you know that you can - and that you are somehow meant to do things like that - you just dont want to - or i dont want to - because I want to be me - and how can I be me when the thing inside of me always is what it is reguardless of what I want to do?

How can you be you when you get in the way?

eh.

what am I going to do today?
i seriously, from the depth of my being - do not know.

jesse, sounds great... you do the dirty work and I'll reap the bennies !!! (does anyone else get that ?..)
So here is the funny thing that i should have written down there accept I know that no one is going to read that...(all the same i just wrote it for me to write not for you to read you ego !)...I have a little didgital watch that I got for christmas two years ago, I set the alam for 7:00 and stuck it in my dresser and now every morning at 7:00 am it gives off a pathetic little sounding that no one hears !!!! HAHA every day for two years it has been doing that ... I just heard it a bit ago HAHA !! great stuff

So here I am.... What a joke or at least it ought be viewd as a joke.....

I woke up this morning at about 6:00 am.. I haven't had enough sleep and I am still very tired, but, thanks to that nasty greasy pizza episode last night with james and jimmy at pizza hut I have a rare form of indigestion that won't let me rest.. HaH great stuff..There you are, I woke up at 6:00 am and now I can't sleep, so, of course; I started thinking random thoughts ( i think that is normal).. and I got to thinking {Just what the hell is wrong with me ?..} I have had all the opportunity in the world to exploit circumstance and get grips on everything I want, but, I just don't respond right to circumstance and I never take advantage of what I could.. who knows, I just don't get it... You see there is something etherial in all of it, things that people say to you never amount to all of what they are thinking or perhaps what they think they are saying, and so, you are faced (if you are like me) with what you percieve and what everyone else percieves, because, if you are me, you only percieve two things 1> immediate necessity 2> the precise information conveyed to you by others through verbal communication. I don't understand these incredible expecations for action which come about in everyday things (not to mention more complex activities).. I feel as though it is a big game of social grace, and I am a portly dancer, for graceful I am not... Everyone seems to know exactly what to do except me, at least that is how I see it when someone tells me what to do without explaining how it is to be done.. Fucking madness I tell you, and everywhere I am faced with people who judge my life choices without really understanding that I am helpless in a sense, because I am niave. I buy into those ideas of a person having an idealogy and sticking with it, I don't do things when I think they go against my grain, or when they aren't efficient ( and nothing we do is done efficiently any more).. Yet many people still look down upon who and what I am as though there were something better out there and I am in some way offending them by not being it... How ridiculous is that ?.. I don't know how anyone can expect me to go to college when I can't even figure out how to feed and cloth myself well, it just kind of hapines... I simply can't get it strait, maybe I am just irresponsible.. This morning I opened my email account and I found a strange little email in there with no subject and for which someone had cleverly found a way to hide their return address .. I looked inside and there was a executible file with a strange name... I am no fool, I scanned with with an anti virus program and what do you know !!!! A virus in my emial HAHA crisis averted, but what sort of pathetic schoolboy pleasure do you derive out of randomly emailing people computer viruses ?..Any way, that was off the subject... I am writing about college and why it is so ridiculously stupid.. The fact is this, I realize that I am a mortal creature, I am going to die (end of story).. and there are things I want to study and can only find in colleges... Great stuff, heady stuff, stuff that no self educated 19 year old student should rightly be studying and critisizing.. But why do people think that I should go to college and instead of learning what I like and feeding my passions instead go through some standard (I am at X level of general education) Mcdonalds mass produced educational program ?... Why should I take the time to give a dam about subject matters which don't interest me, or for which I have absolutely no passion ?.. If I study them I am only taking away precious time which could be spent studying the things I love and actually making deep progress in those areas before I am faced with inevitable death....It is not as though the educator is going to offer a passionate exposition of their lifes work to a bunch of people who are only in their class because a beaurocracy forced them in there saying (you are not measured as competent by our paperwork if you do not enter this classroom and contract your muscles in the way that we say..)... Who are they to think that their measures are the best, or to say these least, to think that they more than I know what I ought to do in being educated, is it not my education ??.... If you ask me it promotes this general attitude (or at least expressis it) people in the world today are fucking pathetic creatures, not capable of relying on themsleves to decide what is right and best, instead, we are all used to flocking through public buildings where those (beaurocrats) that we trust so well make all the decisions about what is and ought to be done... yet none of us know exactly why ( or by my meaning of know, have actually critisized the explinations we are given and found reason to disagree or to agree {keeping mortality in mind}.) this or that such choice is the best.. none of us know why it is right to put a child molester in a small town neighborhood and lock away drug dealers for life,... none of us know why you can be awarded 1,000,000 dollars for spilling Mcdonalds hot coffee on yourself and not sew(is that right "sew" that seems odd to me?) new york city for endangering your life every time you enter the city limits... And likewise none of us know why it is better for us not to be the ones choosing just what we study in college (in terms of specific classes)..But we all agree and life goes on.. I suppose it just goes to show you, the world as absurd and you are stuck in it with me... and the biggest beaurocrat of all prolly has just as many stupid ideosyncratic reasons for the way things are.....................................
Mike Out..............

No more choice for me

bad pizza. very ... greasy. bad.
on another note - we've got a large number of views from the "do you feel loved" website that off-handedly mentioned us.

go bloody well figure

i figure it's because they're stunned that we're still at the top.
what the hell is with that eh?
...

weird. I tell ya.
crazy weird

---

?

---

Something new approaches.

well, i guess this is growing up¹¹

we went looking for diaper sex.
this is what we got.
it makes me wonder.
what the hell is going on?
but you know what?
IT MOVES - isn't it just so cute?
I laugh... boy oh boy, do I laugh.

Z O U N D S

so guess what? I send in a banner to the wormie mafia and expect them to accept us into their little group and allow me to stick a green worm on this website - of course, i'd have made some altercations of a slug beating it up and exclaiming that "SLUGS ARE BETTER THAN WORMS!" .... in fact - I'm almost getting close to spawining off my own "clique" of sorts - reguardless of how much I don't wish to bother with organizing it all - and where was I? It's hard to think with jimmoi singing again - "somethings gotta give, somethings gotta give, let the panties hit the floor, let the panties hit the floor" - ... shit... where was I? .... ..... oh yes, cliques. Anywho. We should start a slug mafia. and I'd make neato graphics of gangsta slugs. they'd be depicted either shooting worms or pimping them out on the street as hookers... you name it... it'd be the stuff --- then again it'd mean I'd have to actually get off my lazy ass and do something. Jimmoi just noticed that bonnie posted and exclaimed : " That means elezibath ( eh, fuck you jimmoi, you cant spell either - but at least I may not spell her name correctly instead of being irrationally obcessed over her ) ... is home from france! " .... yeaup.

... oh ... yes. they have sent SIX PEOPLE our way. So if you're curious why I keep linking to them it is to show them that we can throw just as many people their way, as they throw ours. Go figure.

Where was I?

Jimmoi has recently complained that I am pathetic because all I am wearing is a towel and I have come to post. Well guess what buddies. to spite him - i'm going to take a picture of myself. yes. that's right bitches.



how you like that one?
oh... and for those of you who just can't get by without seeing a picture of the gookie-ness that is jimmoi :



BLAMMO!

the old email, btw :


hey dipshit.. :)
Thank you for the nifty letter you sent me. If my parents didn't make me
work 48 hours a week and go to school 12 hours a week it might not take as
long for me to send you one back.. another thing, don't expect mine to be so
creative. :)

So, the infamous Ja--- An---- Co-----.... what are you up to these days? I
see that you are still living in Roy. I'm moving to Arlington next month.
Woo-hoo! I can't stand this town anymore. Anyways, it's good to see that
you're still alive. I was worried about you... I'VE MISSED YOU! Yeah,
strangely enough.. I've missed our little talks. I'll have to call you up
some time. Well, I'm eating watermelon (no I'm not black) and my boyfriend
is about to come over so I'll be back online later if you think you'll be
around. Please don't be shy.. getting that letter from you really did make
my day. I couldn't believe that you even thought about me... thank you...
Well.. I'll talk to you later, aight? :)


thats what I thought.
I'm MISSED.
yeeeeaaaaaahhhh.
and yes, I did edit out my name....

bastards.

a day of reckoning

it started off great - walking outside to get mail and what other do I see but brice/zach-o being put to manual labour, sweeping up the remains of fireworks from the previous night ( it was the fourth of july, oh ... yeah... *shrugs* ) I giggled to myself, yes I giggled - giggled like the little would-be school boy that I am.

Most of the time I played myth2 / ww2 - with kurtis and michael being my rivals ... cristin, however, is no rival in-as-much as someone who gets lucky with a grenade sometimes. I look forward to more fresh meat, I need to get more people over to play the game - and become proficient with it. yum.

towards the end of the day I did the dishes / cleaned the house ( i still have to get around to doing the laundry )
tomorrow i'll probably clean up my room / if not get dragged out of the house through some wonderful event unknown of.

I read The Stranger once again. or at least I read the first part. the second part I will do tonight. the second part always gets me sort of raouled up. It bothers me, it does. I want my father to read the book. He's going through some tough times at work, so I'm not really bothering him that much about it. He came home today telling my mother :

Neil is in on the conspiracy as well. They're all against me, all out to get me

it's sad really - maybe he's getting ready to snap? all of the males on my father's side have all snapped. they all were alcoholics, all suicidal... schizophrenic... you name it > they were probably it. I seriously don't think things are as bad as he allows himself to believe them to be. I guess that's how we all are, to some extent. I believe it's because of television - we're all ready for "the big shibang" where Donny tells Krista that he shot his mother and father and that the child she is bearing really isn't even his - but rather his brother's because they had drugged her up and then he let his brother have sex with her while he wore a mask which actually looked like Donny. And then Krista tells Donny that she doesn't love him, but rather she knew it was Philbert ( Donny's brother ) behind a mask and willingly wanted to fuck his brains out and bear his child. This of course enrages Donny and he kills Krista and then fleeds the state with his brother Philbert hot on his trail - because Philbert came home that day to find a bloody messy Krista. You see? This is what we expect. That is not life. That is drama.

anywho.

I read the first page/chapter of Breakfast of Champions - classic Vonnegut'ish humor.

An odd thing is that I havent been getting any mail in the mail lately. It really bothers me because I've sent out so many letters that I've not getten any back... Almost aggrivating really. You expect replies. Oh well. Maybe they all moved or something. Go figure. Life is funny that way. Well - nothing else to do - I might as well go into some Yahoo chat room now-then.

oh cool, i just got emailed from an old friend.
awesome.

FLOOSH.

Have I reached a state of Zen or have I simply given up..?? That is a great question from DS.. (got to love DS) I think I have reached a state of Zen if anything, there must come a point when we all realize that a life of spiritual contemplation is one which will be regretted(SP?) come midlife. I suppose that I found in myself no possible way to justify anything I do over that which someone else does.. as Sarte puts it (By our actions we are who and what we are, and in choosing action we choose for humanity what humanity is going to be, for the self is that which defines self and we are those who define what we are..)..Which is quite a lot of responsiblity, however, it should get you to thinking about the depth of existing here in the more familiar world of mortal half apes. More on that at some later date..

Current concerns {Getting together with jimmy/james/drew/aaron/jessy... what's up guys ? we need to hang out.. Last night I spent several hours with an old friend and wound up drinking a bunch of vodka running around silly (falling and causing damage which I did not notice until this morning) and finally leaving stomach fluids in various random places until I passed out on the floor.... I really need to spend more time with you guys so that things like that won't happin to me !!!!.......

There was something else to be said here but I just can't think of what it was.... hmmm...

Wow, world's best weblog?
Makes me feel special somehow
Or maybe that's just lingering headwounds and bong hits from years past. Hmm...... Possibly the latter, after all how special could we possibly be if we aren't getting paid to do this?


Later.

ok - because I know you all are up for a good laugh :::

I saw this and just broke out laughing.

heh... this is the extent of my politics, and political humor.



hee hee.

hey look everybody! we're mentioned in other people's websites!

OOOoOooo

kind of makes you feel all funny inside doesn't it?
and for the lazy bastards ( whom I know you exist ) here is what was said :


Is this the world's best weblog? According to Bloghop, yes it is. It has an 85% approval rating, placing it first on their ratings page.

If you're curious, DYFL rates 65% with a #160 placement. Respectable. Though of course the ratings are largely meaningless. Mind you, I wouldn't cry if you stuffed the ballot box... *it'sinthesidebarcoughcough* ;-D

This has just been a random competitive post that will no doubt make people think I am an approval-seeking whore. Please go about your business.

it makes me warm inside. it does. really.
I wonder how long we'll be up at the top.
my bets? not that long.

with side ways
and noise
if not troubled streets with children
dogs barking the fun
my hand left of
pain is much
and there was always more
inside

That made more sense than it should have.

It made perfect sense, to think if it.

So I agree with Mr. Rigney.


Later.

{Doing things}...! and for what purpose ?

I have discovered something recently which ought to be of some importance to everyone, I will talk of it shortly. I have been considering the notion of actions taken and what meaning they may have, what purpose ,if you will, is there in doing anything ?.. It would seem to anyone that most of the activities we engage in only serve a very small and superficial purpose in the grand scheme of things, so why do we do them..? We have this concept of a perhaps higher state of being in which all actions taken have a sufficeintly justified and reasonable importance which is nearly all encompasing, a sort of divine purpose. From this vantage (having knowledge of higher actions/higher purpose) we can look down upon most activity as serving only to distract one from persuing this greater action which may have roots somewhere in introspective self deconstruction and analysis. Of course we are only distracting ourselves from the grim reality that all the value of action and placement is entirely assigned by us and hence is subject to our emtional attachements, that is to say, how good we feel about an action is very emotional and we can never detach our emotion from the good/value of an action taken. We must realize that our emotional attachements are deeply connected with our selves, that is, attached to our individual self identity. We can easily affect the feelings that one has by manipulation of the environment that they are in, it ought to be obvious to you that (YOU) are basically a human version of your environment and essentially become out of date as it changes and are constantly being updated (we sometimes call this growing or learning). You will die and pass on, your (personality) is incapable of gaining a higher state of being. This is not to say that there are no higher states of being, I happin to know as a fact that you have a soul and that this soul is currently in a higher state of being. It is just that the having a personality is the state of being that you are in and to transcend that state is to lose a self concept, that is to say, having a self is a state of being and all states of being beyond that are devoid of personal attachement and idiosyncratic tendancies. In such a state all concepts of value of action are vapor (they tend not to exist). It is to be taken that your personality(self) is basically a pathetic and superficial being which comes to exist as a byproduct of the souls activity in the mortal plane, when you die you yourself vanish into nothingness, (sure the soul goes on to other things, but nothing of you is left).. your personality (concious state) is not attached to anything but this world and vanishes when your soul decides it time to do something else. This is not as bad as it sounds, it is just the way things are. But hey, you exist and are reading this right now thing I am a nut and you probubly don't like a word of it (good for you you self centered ego which is superficial and capable of non-existance and hence having no bearing on the grand scheme of things or the ultimate state of reality can't affect my taste !).. The point is, all talk of the meaning of ones activity is ridiculous, being that you are a temporary state of matter there is no reasonable beliefe that anything you do can have any divine impact or importance. You are emotionally attached and can not transcend that simple and superficial level of conciousness, should the world in which you live be totally different your emotionally attachements and preferences for arrangements of matter would differ accordingly. The best one can hope to do is assemble a simple set of "meaningful" activites {which of course will fail under anything other than a cursory examination} and follow through with these gaining feelings of satisfaction as you go along becuase you are so simply controlled by your emotional states. By doing this you will gain feelings of fulfillment (haveing fulfilled some desire) and in general will have feelings of satisfaction and also some concept of a purpose for what you are doing (even though these will be entirely arbitrary and forever irrelivent much like you the one doing the actions to begin with...).. So put all notions of purpose and meaning out of your mind because you are not a being which is capable of having any.. you are subject entirely to this world and can only exist within it... Live in it and fulfill your pathetic desires (might as well take advantage of what is in front of you..) The old saying goes
It is both ridiculous and foolish to wait at a locked door (being the door to spiritual enlightenment) while an open door awaits (being the superficial state of self fulfilling crap that is your reality {the one you can't exist outside of}..).............. Love Mike ......... = ) {stick that in your pipe and smoke it... I suggest a life devoted to relations with women and meeting new and interesting people (also reading good books just for the hell of it...).. I might also suggest a good paying job so that you can buy nice things and gloat to your friends about how ridiculously expensive they are... even better, just sit and daydream about all the best possible lives you could lead and then don't sweat a damnd thing you are just going to be dead any way.............)

Cars.
Alcohol.
Women.
Cars.
Women.

Things that are good. (or all that really matters in life)


Later.

tired. made a button. fpheh.

KITTY PORNOGRAPHY -- hee hehe
oh... and :

MWA HAHAHA - FEEL MY CRUSH-LINKY WRATH.
oh - but what is this?



Hmmm.... It seems like Jimmoi uses the wonders of the internet to tell me his true feelings about me. I knew that with my semi-long hair and manly shoulders that he would soon bend to my will. Now that I know he's in love with my ass-cheeks, I can use this to my benefit. Soon he'll be not Jimmoi that you all know and have come to enjoy the ranting of, with extra " e "s and all... no - he'll be my butt-love play-toy. I'll keep him in my non-existant basement and only let him come out for homosexual sex. Mmmm. That's the ticket.

OH CRAP.
I LEFT MY STEAK UNATTENDED TO!
( runs to save burnt steak )

god damnit.
i hate this damn http://www.crushlink.com/ notices.
you know what - i'm going to put the email of everyone on the board into it.
so then you'll all get crush-link notices.
hahaha, FEEL MY PAIN!