As i walk about my daily life, i am constantly observing and analyzing things that i see.
That is the trait of a good psychologist after all, and a good student. (Well, at least i figure so.)
A couple of days ago something caught my attention, and plagued me for quite a bit.
I was riding on of the ferry's to seattle, and i noticed a very large man walking about. When i say large, i mean large. This man was like jOe's equal. In fact, from behind, i thought it was jOe, perhaps trying to catch dinner off of the ferry using a makeshift fishing pole or something.
Anyway, something bugged me. The man seemed odd (aside from his large size and unkept appearance), and then it hit me.
He was walking around funny. It was like he was in a continous limbo contest. He walked at an angle. This got me thinking...why...
I just couldn't understand it.
So i came home, and went through some photographs i had...and i noticed a couple of things:
Here is an imagine of jimmoi standing around at paintball. From my calculations, he stands and walks about at a 90o angle.
However...
I found that jOe did not quite walk at that angle. In fact, his stance and stride quite honestly matched that of the man i saw on the ferry dock.
Curiouser, and curiouser...
So i decided to go and ask someone about this...and who better than the spokewoman for the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA). However, that turned out to be a deadend...
Apparently, she didn't take kindly to anything going against the idea that being fat wasn't necessarily a good thing. That, or she had a raging case of the munchies...
as did her task force!
I barely escaped. Actually, that's not true. It was rather easy to escape as they couldn't really run very fast...except for this little fat midget who kept biting my ankles.
Yes...my quest for knowledge about this phenomena seemed to be lost...there was no place i could turn...no person who could shed light on my problem...
and then i remembered the one person who might know...
the one person who time and time again has shed light on controversy and mystery using his damn near perfect investigative reporting...
That's right ladies and gentlemen...
Harry Wapler came to my rescue...
Almost immediately, after putting down his bloody-mary, he began to work out problems on an old chalkboard, until he exclaimed, "Eureka!", and began to explain the reason for the odd walking...
He began his explanation with a diagram of jOe.
As he explained to me...this was jOe currently. By itself, the picture didn't seem to make much sense...
Then he showed me a specially created time-lapsed diagram...
Suddenly things began to make sense...
As he explained it...
The angle at which a person walks is a function of a person's weight...
Thus, the fatter you are, the more your stomach sticks out and the larger the angle at which you walk.
Thus, if larger people walk at an obtuse angle, instead of a 90o angle or so.
To say that i was amazed by this discovery would be highly understating just how amazing it truly was.
For the first time ever, we had definitive and undeniable proof that being that large was unhealthy.
Why unhealthy...simple...
because at a certain weight, the angle would reach 180o, which would be the equivalent of sliding your body about...
(which is what some do.)
Not to mention the incredible strain on your knees and spinal cord.
I think this is why that crazy NAAFA spokewoman wanted to kill me...
with this knowledge, i can bring the truth to the world...
Oh crazy times we live in.
For the Boswanians29
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