February 10, 2004

[The Glass Half-Confused]

I was thinking about fat people. Not in the Jimmoi way, where he wants to kill all of them for existing and taking up his space, and not in the Michael Collins way, where he wants to butter them up and show them a night of hot loving...

but in the pity way...

those poor bastards... always being resigned to work in computer labs and as Mr. Wired. (By the way, Mr. Wired isn't just one person... he's actually a series of people. Every now and then, the Mr. Wired you see dies, usually due to cardiac arrest, and he is replaced by one of equal weight and height. Hey, you can't blame them, it's hard to find work, so when one of their own dies, they simply replace them. I think we are on our fifth jOe.)

But, does my pity really matter to them? Will it make a dent in their depression? Obviously weight loss and diets aren't the answer? It doesn't seem like its working. Not when McDonalds taunts them with double cheeseburgers, Burger King with their triple cheeseburgers, and Jack-in-the-Box with their amazing Ultimate Cheeseburgers...

No, Atkins won't save you Parr, Wired, Macauley... You're depression won't be whittled away by Gut Busters, Weight Watchers, or Metabolife.

What you need... is acceptance.

That's right... accept your lot in life. Change that perspective. So you're fat... so what?

Do what this guy did:

I'm against skinny.

And remember, when life's got you down and you can't imagine going on,

just recite this mantra:

"Yeah, sure, I may be fat. I may be socially awkward... but there's nothing wrong with that. After all, I could be James Andrew Collins."

Thank you, and vote Joe Lieberman 2004!

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