It is at these times that make me wish that yes - I got past my own problems and went to college like a good little boy. Or that I sucked up the regurtitated microwaved and buzzed-in-a-blender bullshit from highschool and got a diploma and went through the military. But no. I decided I would tough it out. And here I am still living with my parents at twenty-and-one years of age. Some people dont seem to have a problem with that ( Andy? ) - but it seems that there is a part of me that does acknowledge that such activities " are not right " - and should be remedied. Unlike Steven - I dont have any grandeur plans of " getting the fuck out of here " - as of yet, and fully well know that in the event I am out on my own, alone - I will most definately lose my sense of sanity. Then there is Heather, whom I was counting on to move out with me, to protect my sanity and give me someone to be with ... it seems she's fallen through and here I am where I began - stuck at my parents house. But two things to post about. And here we go.

Numero - Uno
Answers - has anyone found them? I figured as I grew older that the answers to my questions about life would be answered - being older = more experience = more answers, but it seems the more I get into this little episode of time that I am alloted, the less answers I get and the more questions. It seems as if living itself was designed specifically to force you into not thinking about it and to just suffer through everything. In school - I learned that life is suffering, or was that through Buddhism? I don't quite recall - but I found solace in the idealogy of Albert Camus - and that of Absurdism. His concept of Sisyphus pushing that rock up the hill only to have it knocked down, and to push it up again - eternally struck so deep in me the meaninglessness of every action ever concieved and to be so. And yet here I am living through it. Here I am going through the actions myself - pushing the rock up and having it come down, and I am surprised!? But I know what it is. To agree with something in text and in a book and to understand the concept of something is much different than actually living it through - than performing the actions itself and feeling the feelings that are attributed to those occurances. Oh. How do you do it ( anyone on the board? ) - how do you get through your day everyday? Knowing that tomorrow will invariably be the same, that nothing changes and the only things that do change are the small things that you have control over that you can change - however the rock is still there which will require pushing, each ... and every ... day.

Numero - Swei
Animal Souls - I said I would post about this to start it up as a debate ( much as the eminem debate which I will get to at the end of this ) - do Animals ( particularly dogs? ) have souls? I personally say no. My reasons? I shall go through them. Animals do not have a language - now some of you might jump to the conclusion and say that animals talk to eachother - this is true, but that is communication - not language. Language itself consists of a bunch of different accents, tones, dialects, and so on and so forth. Grunting, Groaning, Whimpering, and Growling do not count as these things. A growl is a growl is a growl, but I can call you a dumbshit-mother-fucker in a happy tone of voice and then what are you going to think then? Happy or insulting? OH GOD! This confusion cannot be emulated in " animal speak " because when you whimper, you are in pain or hurt. When you growl, you are anger or defensive. Its that simple. There are no double meanings to anything. But I was shot down on this point that " No language is a lack of intelligence, not a soul " - and so I had to think of something which was not " intelligence based " which proved the lack of a soul. And I found it - how? Through religion, suckers - in most religions you have to attain some sort of level with your soul, you must cleanse it or something - or purge your sins or beg forgiveness from the creator, so on and so forth. An animal cannot pray. An animal cannot confess his sins. An animal cannot confess at all. So beat that motha-fuckas!

And as for eminem being a good rapper?
Of course - hands down.
I dont even see a need to debate it.

As for country - however, I do not understand what you said about the older stuff?
Do you like or dislike it - because I can stand the older stuff ( patsy and so forth ) but the newer stuff just seems to be cut/paste same damn'd thing to me / cant stand it.

I dont feel well.