'ello govnah.

that had nothing to do with anything. this sickness is starting to kick in again - this " I wish I was worse off than I am now, therefore giving me some sort of direction " - and what was immediately at thought was alcoholism. I want to be an alcoholic now, but rarely can stand the taste ( or kick ) of alcohol. Then I could be a heroine addict. I've heard so many stories of people " coming off of heroine " by being locked into rooms and going through withdrawals - you can see this also featured in the film trainspotting - and hey : that movie was good. It would be great. It would give me something to fight. Oh... wow... it is crazy how one can be.

I might write a story coming up soon. It has something to do with a stray cat - but I dont exactly know what. It will be a grey cat. One once said that my poetry and essays really sucked ass - but my stories were sometimes good. I resented that. I prefer when people say my scribblings are sub-par. It makes me feel better, because wherein they dont like what I write - I take a large quantity of joy in - so they cannot share in the experience and feelings that I have - but when they go and do things like ... enjoy my scribblings - then I think they're up to something. They're out to make me think they enjoy what I write merely so they can get some sort of leverage on me.

What happened to pantera? They were awesome, and they continue to be - but what happened to them. I remember there used to be some sort of small following with them - and all of this " new metal " - being linkin park and system of a down and so-on and so-on, I just realised that pantera had been doing those things long before - and so ... where is the big pantera hype? And what happened to Lisa Simpson being the melodramatic blues-singing sax-playing semi-intelligent hipster that she used to be? ah...

Life seems to burn a hole into your pocket. Making everything you place there fall through and then land onto your foot. Somehow - someday, you end up kicking it off.

then the fun begins.