September 14, 2002

Regrets.001


You know... I think its a fundamental thing to have regrets. It's a human thing. In fact... there you go... that can be the dividing line between humanity and other animals. Hell... maybe it is evidence of having a soul...

After all... having regrets involves having a hell of a lot of other thought processes... and perhaps requires something extra.
I don't feel like going into that though, so i'll just leave it at that.

Do I have regrets? It is something I myself have considered from time to time... but for the most part I stand on the idea that I do not... for to have regrets (in my mind) would also imply that i have the desire to change something about the past aspects of my life.

That doesn't mean that I haven't made bad decisions, or have had consequences of bad decisions thrust upon me.
It just means, that despite that all... I wouldn't change it.

I however, would not look down upon anybody here, or elsewhere, who would say that they would change something, or that they have regrets... because I have not lived their lives... thus, to judge that person would be erroneous.

Thinking upon it... i suppose i have a form of regrets... in that there are things that i wish i hadn't done... and that if in the moment, i would have known what would be the consequence, i would not have done it...
but if i had that proverbial "rewind" button--i wouldn't use it.

One reason that comes to mind is that, as cliché as it sounds... my mistakes have made the person who is sitting here right now, typing out this particular response, and having these particular thoughts. I happen to like this person, and I would rather leave the lessons that i've lived through alone, and take what i can from them--even if the memories are not always good. Hell, sometimes i like to remember the bad memories... sometimes i like to feel bad about them... because i get a sort of good feeling from realising that they happened, and i have the power to decide whether they happen again.

Would i rewind and do things differently if i didn't like the person i was? Well, i don't know if i can honestly answer that. I suppose i would like to say no... believing that if i didn't like the person i was, i would change from the present onward...

but if i am to be honest with myself, i don't know what i would do.

--Ach, late nights.

G'night all.

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