September 13, 2002

Choices . . . again.

I believe a long bit ago I made a post which was entitled " Choices " - and it consisted of me ranting and raving as I always do about some idiosyncratic detail of life while all-the-while bitching in my heart about something else. By complaining about one thing you indirectly complain about what you really wish to complain about. This time I wont. Because I understand a lot of things. I understand that who you are and where you are depend on the choices you make today, that you made yesterday - and that you will make tomorrow. I've talked with many of you about these things - some of you openly, the others they might not know they were talking about it but none-the-less the questions or conversations I had with you dealt with the same material. I spoke to Steven about the past - he and I agree and both are solemn about some of the decisions we've made in our past. I know that some things I have done I feel I should regret - and always hail that regretting things is a useless activity. No need for regret - all it does it cause more sorrow for yourself. I dont know if Steven regrets any of the things he has done - but I now have the nerve to admit there are things I have done in my past that I regret, and wish to the very center of my being that I could go through again and do right. " If I only knew then the things I know now." - the saying goes. We all make mistakes and we all deal with them. The question is not how to avoid mistakes or avoid problems - it is not how to avoid getting hurt or to protect yourself. The question is just how to live and take everything in as it comes to you. A problem I've realised about myself is that if I am not worrying about what I or someone else is going to do next, I am brooding over what could have been had I chosen different paths. And yet the question remains in my heart today : What life is a life worth living unhappy? At the risk of sounding melodramatic I appreciate each and every tid-bit that anyone here on the board posts - be it inane or stupid, a poem or a thought, a question, an answer. Anything really.

The best of luck to you all : wherever life may take you.
Because you'll need it.

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