April 22, 2004

So jeff is talking about movies and taking jabs at my sexuality. Sure we can all bitch about movies, and me and jimmoi can talk about directors and jimmoi can specifically talk about things I have no idea about but enjoy nodding my head and saying : " oh dag i didn't know that " - mostly because I don't call bullshit on him when it's movie related. But reguardless, Jeff taking cheap shots at calling me homo?

For shame, Jeff.
For shame.

but let's talk about something else, for I am the superior being here and will not stoop so low as to get into a name calling game with someone lower than I. Let's talk about andyism in movies and games.

What is andyism?

Andyism is whatever reminds me of Andy. This consists of two things :
1. a pathetic clinging to 'honor' and 'real men' - you know. Chivalry.
2. glorification of females. more specifically, playboy.
For long I figured that between him and I, he was the odd one. The one out of place with society.
Staying at home for prolonged periods of time, cybersex with women he's never met, infatuation and making up fiction in his own head, reading dragonlance novels and reminiscing about the times he use to be so cool with his D&D group. For a long time I figured: " You know what? That's just wrong. "

But if you take a look at today's " entertainment " you'll find that I am obviously wrong.

Firstly, we have KING ARTHUR
You all thought King Arthur was just some myth but no no no! It was based on a real man! with real feelings! who lived long ago in a suit of armor! and fought people! and loved women! and had honor! and rode around on a horse! and yelled a lot about freedom! i should have emphasised that 'yelled' bit. here. and yelled a lot about freedom! there, much better.

Granted its a Jerry Bruckheimer production - so expect it to look good - but if you notice the cast they all seem to be a bunch of unknown "no names" - or at least people I don't recognize. While I support this, it makes you wonder, oh man king arthur why didn't some big names get in on this shit. Most likely because they're all sucked up into TROY. Another movie where people get dressed up in armor and yell a lot about freedom and love and all that shit.

With a tagline like " RULE YOUR DESTINY " and " RULE YOUR FATE " and " RULE YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR MOMMY DOING YOUR LAUNDRY " - you know this is the movie for those who live in their parent's basement and jerk it to webcams of sixteen year olds who live across the country from them

But wait. It infects my beloved games, as well.
I present to you PLAYBOY : THE MANSION.
After seeing this I just about decided to kill myself, the proper way - down the vein not across. Here is the tagline, for those of you too fucking lazy to click on the god damned link I've provided you :

The Women you desire
The Lifestyle you aspire to
A Mansion where it all happens

what. the. fuck. This is what I'm talking about. The bullshit people can come up with. Who has playboy magazine anymore? Magazines are out of date. I have two free subscriptions to Maxim mostly because the articles they have in there aren't all full of " SHE ENJOYS WALKS ON THE BEACHES AND TAPIOCA PUDDING " - So that just writes it out for fucking reading material on the can. And pornography? Dude the internet has warped my perception of women so much to the extent that I don't find a woman attractive unless she's getting penetrated by something not just lazing around with a thin piece of cloth over her breasts smiling at me and batting her eyes. She better be fucking wearing knee-highs, mary janes, being bent over and getting fucked like none other. Thats pornography.

Playboy, and subsequently this game, are for fucking losers who can't get women. I don't make any pretense, I admit I have social dystfunction with women so much that I've given up and become a misogynist. What I don't do is oogle over oiled up women who dress up in ' sets ' - the only set i need is a bench or couch of some sort for them to be bent over. Fuck all that bullshit " the female form is the most beautiful - blah blah blah " - more like get on your knees for the money shot, bitch. And here you'd think that I was in the right. That by cutting away all the bullshit, and cutting to the bone ( haha ) - that I'd be in touch with society.

But no. Women still stick to the princess bullshit, want to be worshipped and adored. Have doors opened for them and treated like special little faeries from faery land - who believe in true love and love at first sight and that they'll marry a man who'll read playboy and cover them in oil and just " appreciate " them for who they are.

Welcome to the reason I don't post anymore.
As this has made absolutely no sense, whatsoever.

But boy, do I bitch a lot.

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