January 12, 2003

So the girl I was to persue turns out to be actually married.
It is silly - because the first thing Steve's girl asked me was : " Did you see a ring? " and I uh ...
turned to steve and said :
" Did you see a ring? " and since there was nobody to turn to, he couldnt turn to anyone and go : " Uh ... "

I got to thinking about it coming out of the shower and it suddenly hit me how much her ' looks ' look like Breanna - and that somewhat agitated me a bit. And the more I think about it - the more Heather looked like Rachael. So I've absolutely decided that my next female assimilation must be blonde. I've never dated a blonde and so there will be no sub-concious connections that I wont pick up on after coming out of a shower. Thinking further upon it - I've also never dated a red-head ( this came with the : " Whoa, Tarwyn is posting? " ) - so those are open as well. continuing on - how does one approach that? Do I ( as I so casually and yet innocently insinuated ) continue on and attempt to persue a " friendship " with a known married woman, knowing me and my knack for ... ah ... " toying " with social situations I know how terribly tempting it is to want to start a wedge between the two of them and I dont even know either of them. Woe.

Also - about what we're going on about alcohol and all - my parents are seeming to fear that I will become an alcoholic " because my father had a hard time with alcohol " - ... hah. I do agree with what has been said about beer being a cheap knock-off and should have never been. However about mixed drinks I disagree. To take all hard liquors straight would become mundane and meandering. You need a bit of a change - merely for the pallete. I can take crown royal straight - and have ( and will more! ) - but I've actually attained a fondness for a ' drink ' of my own devision. one third crown royal + three sixth white grape juice + one sixth grape juice - and with ice ... but you pour the grape juice in slowly so it gives this cool color to the drink. I use to be all hopped up on CR+coke, unfortunately Im not much of a fan for coke, and the grape juice(s) are just all my sort of flavour. yum.

and yet - moving on. Hey jimmoi - did you know that Baz Lurhman did the music to his own movies - and that he also did the sunscreen song? I just about shit bricks and wanted to gouge my eyes out. whoargh.

So the board has lived to be a year old + now. I think back as to what it use to represent and all the times it collected. Im not as proud as I use to be of it. From time to time I've actually considered tearing it down and reforming it to be something I WANTED instead of a gathering of people I know - merely because of the majority of the people here post as often as well ... Tarina. Or Breanna. or - if you really want to get bad : Andy and Pinkos. You cant blame anyone really - to have time to spend to a website when there is life to live? To put into words the actions one does. woe.

I've began the reading of ZEE METAPHORMFSAMSAMESS written by mr. kafka. so far it is a silly book.
I've also attained books one and two of the akira manga. oh jesus. im so in love. let me tell you a little something :

Friendship

I percieve friendship a little different than most. Where-as most people imagine a friend to be someone to turn to when the going gets tough, or who'll spot you money when you need it - or just generally as " family but not blood related " - I disagree with this to its fullest extent. I find friends to be those enemies that you've created not an alliance with - but a non-agression pact for the goodwill of both parties. Do I trust anyone of my proclaimed ' friends ' ? No, not in the slightest. Being that would be the most opportune time in which they'd conviently slide in a serrated dagger of some sorts between my shoulder blades. And I believe that is true friendship - because then you always know where the person stands. I always percieve " happiness " or " good will " to be more of a covert manner of operations really. If you're coming to me with an olive branch or a white flag - then obviously you've got an ace up your sleeve. But if you walk to me straight forwardly, all weapons brandished - I know what you're capable of and what level of defense to place in your way. I bond more with my enemies than I do with my friends. It is silly.

I need to do laundry.

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