WARNING - this post will be full of semi-philosphical ideals and " big words " to the extent that you may want to bash your head against a wall and never wake up from a deep long sleep. In such an event - skip the post. continuing on :

As I was feeding the machine today AT IDLE SPEED which is 5 000 boxes an hour - ( imagine " THUMP, count to four THUMP, count to four " ) - I generally got to sitting around and just thinking about things and I came to thinking about the following thing so much that I decided to come by the board and post it and see if anyone has anything to say or add or give me their opinion on. ( a little note - some guy who isnt on the board emailed me about my life + death post and was talking about Zen and so forth. Very interesting )

CHRISTIANITY - So I got to thinking about Christianity and a big beef I have with it. The concept that in the event something happens its never their " manifestation " - to elaborate : In the event they go to the store and win the lottery or something its " GODS WILL " and " THE GRACE OF GOD " or say that a christian saves another person from a burning building they " THANK GOD " for his strength and we'll say the person saved " THANKS GOD " as well for the devout follower who came to save his/her life. It works in reverse as well - say they do something bad " IT WASNT ME, SATAN COMPELLED ME " - or if they think something bad - it is " SATAN AFFECTING ME WITH IMPURE THOUGHTS " - or a large tornado hits and takes out three homes " SATAN TRIED TO KILL US BUT GOD HAS SAVED US " - but Im going a bit overboard. Mind you - I should clarify that I do not necissarily mean " Christians " or " All Christians " for that matter - merely " Those who follow Christian dogma which falls into this category " - I believe these people suffer from a form of schizophrenia. A form of self-induced morality-based dogmatic schizophrenia. In stead of taking " RESPONSIBILITY " for all or any actions which they do or happen to them they place it upon the two respective deities. Good is God, Bad is Satan. Therefore it reduced " living " or " life " to nothing more than a attribution of " where does this go? " - A classification of sorts, and the actual person doesnt really have any real purpose asides from stating that " THIS WAS GODS WILL " or " SATAN IS EVIL - WHARGH ". I believe this manner of belief or " living " is a manner in which one can maintain a sense of " innosence " - A sence of childhood. When one is a child they dont necissarily have to make a decision or have very much responsibility. They just reiterate " what is good " and " what is bad " - GO FIGURE.

the other thing I found my beef with was PEARL JAM
Frankly, I hate pearl jam. They're terribly over-rated and they just plain suck. I hate the lead-singer's voice, I hate the music - Ironically enough the few pearl jam songs I enjoy are ones that " dont sound like pearl jam " - with this said, please take that into consideration when I say that I am SICK AND TIRED of every god-damned radio-station going PEARL JAM CRAZY because I guess they're having a concert around here. Im tired of everyone thinking that it is so " cool " that pearl jam allowed boot-leg copies of their concerts out so that there are BILLIONS of pearl jam concert+cds. I DONT GIVE A SHIT. But that isnt the beef, thats just a minor little rant -- The beef is about musicians themselves, and " live shows "

A bit ago I bought NIN and Marlyin Manson LIVE dvds. I watched them. The singers/musicians themselves seemed so puppet-like. They seemed as if they werent really " feeling " what they were saying, just they were breathing loudly and noise in the form of " lyrics " came out of their mouths and the audience went wild and crazy and screams and yells and huzzahs and jumps around. The beef? I dont see how musicians can do it. If they sit in a booth and record something once and they seriously feel the way they feel when they record it - how is it that they can go on stage and do the same thing? It must be fabricated to some extent. For example : Trent reznor has definately moved on from the manner in which he expressed in THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL - this can be assessed by merely buying/listening to his latest release. That in mind, How is it that he can go on stage and sing songs from that album when he no longer feels that way? Wouldnt he have conflicting feelings of " this isnt true " or " this is no longer " if he no longer felt that way - but yet the audience sits there and CRAVES songs such as " Hurt " or " Closer " - how is that possible? The only manner I can see an artist/musician going on stage/concert is to do NEW things and NEW songs - but not old ones - the thing is nobody would ever go to a concert if the artists played only new things because then the audience wouldnt be able to " sing along " - they'd have to " EXPERIENCE SOMETHING NEW " instead of hearing THE SAME OLD SHIT just " not from a cd " - and then from time to time " getting a treat " by getting a song they've never heard of before to where they have to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN FOR ONCE.

And then this got me to thinking about teachers. How do teachers who work in a " period " day do it? First period comes in they give their lesson - that period leaves, second period comes in - then they have to do the same lesson ALL OVER AGAIN. How in chroist's name is that bloody possible? That would drive me insane! I asked a couple of teachers why didnt they just " have different lesson plans for each period " and they said that 1. it would take too much effort and 2. the paper work to send into the " big boss " would be too difficult. and ... you can tell they just didnt want to try it. They were fine and dandy with going into " auto pilot " and saying the same thing over and over and over every period, every day, every year. ( think mr. neilson ) - - -

And then. . . .
and then I went to sleep.