Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.
damnit.

I miss not being able to go trick or treating this year. Most people would say that being 17 is far too old to be dressing up and going door to door. Well that is their opinion, and they are intitled to it, but I still love Holloween, and when I'm eighty or more... if I survive that long, I'll still be doing it, only I won't likely have to dress up anymore unless I want to cause I'll naturall scare the kiddies. When I come back next year I'll be 18... but the cycle set for me when I was little will continue. :)

The Holloween is different over here, though they are starting to get american traditions. Instead they go visit graveyards (or not) and put candles on the loved oned headstone. They do what we do at Holloween on Easter. They dress up in scary things, or nice if your that way, and they go out and get candy. If they fully take on our Holloween traditions on Holloween, then they'll end up with two very simular holidays. Odd thought in a way. So I won't be hunting for easter eggs this years or getting a basket full of goodies, I'll just go trick or treating. :)

Have a HAPPY HOLLOWEEN....
or however you want to take it.

You killed the poor defenseless little mouse.... YOU MURDERER YOU!!!

thats right.

Living in America ... what an ordeal.. I say living in America, because I have never actually lived in another country before, so I make no assumptions about those people...

Matters of confusion
in my matters what that matters in delusion tasteless
there all bunched up and tightly wrapped and pulling tighter
getting closer snapping tighter pulled
intense tension stressful crazy appearing lost and lazy
slowly pulling tighter all the matters of confusion..
weighing down on taking emotional trying seeking answer
wanting peaceful relaxation all the while pulling tighter
needs for simple overburdoned by intension of great tension on the line that pulling tighter
so much tension is unstable
snapping creaking under pressure
my matters of confusion in what matters all delusion
tasteless there still being matters
overwhelmed and shaking
no place to hide forgetting why it hurts now
just sitting and licking wounds
with matters all still there
I pour salt on them and can't relieve myself of stupid fear and tensions
boundless pulling tighter I am breaking .......

it starts with jimmoi, and a hat.
he comes in - and says " hey look its my hat "
I cannot but help remember where the hat had been, and what it subsequently reminded me of.
I smiled - and laughed - packed my lunch - and headed off to work.

When I got to the "turn off to the school here" turn - I considered stopping by to see DS for 20minutes.
After almost turning right, I continued onward.
Then I realised there were a lot of flags - all over on the side of the road.
" Yeh yeh, I know " - I thought to myself - knowing full well that ahead there were flaggers.
but then something caught my eye - there were A LOT of flags.
I wondered why so many flags / and then all of a sudden . . .
I slammed my brakes, I was confused as to why - when then it hit me.

Another four-way stop had manifested itself in the road.

it seems four-way stops are now breeding, as there exists one outside Jimmoi's living complex,
and now one just down the street from that.
soon four-way stops will be taking over THE WORLD.
NO INTERSECTION WILL BE WITHOUT FOUR WAY STOP-ISH-NESS!

and speaking of four-way stops, why is it nobody knows how to operate on them, god damnit?
in the event that two vehicles arrive at the stop at the same time, the one on the right has right-of-way
in the event that a vehicle, on the right, arrives before another vehicle, that vehicle has the right of way
basically it is " first come first serve, in the event of a tie - guy on right goes "
but who pays attention to that?
nobody.

Too many times I've come to a four way stop, with someone across from me taking a left, and I come, full stop - wait for them to go, and then they flash me with their lights or wave my by. I just want to get out of my car and yell at them - they are obstructing traffic with their " lets not know anything about the law " bullshit.

anywho - little rant there.
I got to work and guess what I had to do?

THUMB FUCK YAM BOXES.

oh - not that bad eh?

HOW ABOUT THUMB FUCKING THEM
ALL DAY?

for eight hours I had to sift through some hundreds of yam boxes ( again transline fucks up the order! ) seperating " the good " from " the bad " / oh - wait, to make matters worse, the " medication " I took to make sure my bloody throat didnt start hurting like a mofo ... wore off after first break. great.

Then lunch came / along with the highlight of my day
eating lasagna.
yum.

( yes, thank you heather - I dont have to deal with re-heated mac-and-cheese, for the time being )

my day was seemingly nothing more than getting paid 80$+ to live 8 hours of hell.
but who am I to complain?
I had a really cool idea I wanted to share with Heather,
so instead of staying by at the plant to take a poo poo and pee /
I rushed off to go talk with her.

I got to her house to a note saying she wasnt home.
" Fuck " I thought to myself - I guess I might have not clocked out from work.
Because although the shit kept coming my way - I wasn't getting paid anymore.

I came home, and got online.
I waited for more of it to fly at me.
Wait - I checked my mail : and what do I get?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - not a damn thing.
son-of-a-bitch.

Then I saw Calvin online.
I figured I'd ruin his day a little bit :

Caenum: sorry to dissapoint / but Im still dating the girl I was dating 2-3 years ago... oh ... -DAMN-
dilligadam: LOL....... good job she is nice,,,,
Caenum: she puts up with my shit.
dilligadam: she is a keeper..
DAMNIT.
What the hell was going on with today?
Even my attack on Calvin went and botched itself.
I'm considering taking a warm bath and just laying in it -
but then again I figure we're probably all out of hot water so I just wont even try.

then the static kicked in.

[ and I am deprived of first post! whaarrgh! ( goes to sleep hoping to escape hellish job-curse ) ]

Some people see things that are, and ask Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.

Why is it that the same people who keep a gun at home for protection are almost always the same people who never wear their seatbelt when riding in a car?

Yawn.

The Seattle auto show is Wednesday through Sunday. That should be good....but SEMA is also this week....SEMA rocks, I wish I could A) Get to Vegas B) Have credentials to get in. But instead I'll just go to Seattle and be happy. Then wait til Kyle (Owner of Speedline, on South Tacoma Way) gets back from SEMA and has pictures and stories to tell.

You and me, Kaile. . .

I sure wish MyKalie would post something, because I love her oh-so-much!

with this new schedule, I have high probablity to get first post almost each and every day. Today I waited to post - so that when I said that / people would be thrown off with their timing in the unlikely event that someone wanted to thwart my activities of first-post-ness.

I should not, however, be awake at this time.
It seems Michael has successfully infected me with bronchitis.
or some other odd-end form of " my throat feels bad "
that son-ov-a-bitch.

And this is what I woke up to :

dilligadam: aint gotta women to keep you warm :PP

This comes from a man who still lives with his parents, and is ... what, thirty going on fourty something? He treats women much the same like mike does, but with much less respect towards them and himself. Wherein mike does not feign an interest other than that what he specificlly tells, my uncle is a fool and seems to enjoy playing with both his own mind and that of the women he finds bed with. The last one he actually married / My father gave it a certain time until he gave up on that one - low and behold, he is back up from the southern states where he resided with her, and back up here with my grandmother and no wife. He makes fun of me.

I dont see why.
I may not have a woman to keep me warm, at this very moment,
but at least I don't sleep with my mother.

haa. haa. haa.

I bought two things from half.com.
It is almost as good as ebay, but less " auctiony "
Pearl's Girl and Change the weather -
both are Underworld releases.
Yum.

I cannot wait for them to show up.

work now consists of a very ... slow ... operation,
and I find myself on TRANSLINE - a terrible place compared to my lovely MARTIN - because it is so easy. Aaugh. With the MARTIN I actually had to work / with this all I have to do is sit back, relax, and stack boxes. I hope they put me back on my machine tomorrow. . . then again April is there - and luck would have it, I'd probably have to feed with her stupid ass.

I now have a headache, and this post is sub-par.
Hmmm.

We have too many fucking people named Andrew. [notice how I used two o's to signify quantity]

okay so I wrote this while I was in portland this weekend. Please keep in mind that it is merely symbolic and is not about a literall action, but rather about some unnammed part of my lifestyle and how I feel about it................................

Self destructive pleasure.....
The bitter tears in it
I held onto the dull pain feeling,
into the bitter end of it ,
I hold onto that big dull blade.
So slowly slipping, it is cutting me.
I slowly slipping, being cutting me.
I can not feel the pain,
but I can see the damage.
What im doing to myself.
What im feeling in my body ending.
My mind is slipping, I am cutting me,
and I can see the damage,
but I can not feel the pain.
Damage of that big dull blade,
damage of it slipping.
All those bitter tears I shed
and that dull pain feeling is the same.
As I mitigate my mind, and as it slipping.
I can not feel the pain,
as I slowly being cutting me,
but I still can see the damage.

...
yeah, so I bought eighty seven cents of gas.
...

at least I didnt run out of gasoline while driving, thinking my car broke.
oh --- wait.

I move this Thursday to my other host family. I will stay with them for the next nine months... oh happy day!

My chicabee sent this to me a while back... I like it. :) *LOL*


365 days of sex

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> >> > 54 times the sheets were clean
> >> > 7 times it was too late
> >> > 49 times you were too tired
> >> > 20 times it was too hot
> >> > 15 times you pretended to be asleep
> >> > 22 times you had a headache
> >> > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> >> > 16 times you said you were too sore
> >> > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> >> > 19 times you had to get up early
> >> > 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> >> > 7 times you were sunburned
> >> > 6 times you were watching the late show
> >> > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
> >> > 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> >> > 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed,the activity was not satisfactory because:

> >> > 6 times you just laid there
> >> > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceilin
> >> > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> >> > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> >> > 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):

I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

> >> > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> >> > 36 times you did not come home at all
> >> > 21 times you didn't cum
> >> > 33 times you came too soon
> >> > 19 times you went soft before you got in
> >> > 38 times you worked too late
> >> > 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> >> > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> >> > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE BALLS
> >> > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> >> > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> >> > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> >> > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> >> > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> >> > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball,playing video games etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


MUWhAHAAHAHAHAHAaaaAHAHAHAHaa :P

My Kalie!!!

You are finally here!!! I am soooo such a happy kitten!

I sat in that empty bath-tub, after the cd had ended, for what seemed five minutes. It was where I use to spend most of my time, after draining the water and watching it slowly pull itself down - I'd lay transfixed onto the drain. Sometimes I use to spit close to it, and watch that slowly make itself down the drain. It was a good feeling, watching things slip away from me into darkness. I use to sit there for a long while watching things go down the drain.

When I first met Rachael, I sat there and, instead of spitting, I use to throw up. I don't know why. There wasn't any reason to, I was rather healthy at the time. I dont exactly know if it was self induced, the vomiting - but none-the-less I use to watch that slowly make it's way down the drain as well. Of course I had to turn on the water and help it on it's way, sometimes.

But today I didnt look at the drain. I just lay there. For what seemed for five minutes. " Goodbye, Cruel world. I'm leaving you today. Good-bye, Good-bye, Good-bye " - the CD spouted out. I laughed to myself. " Good-bye all you people, there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind, Good-bye " - and with that, I was left with silence. This is normally where they kicked in.

But nobody was home. My parents never stopped by to tell me how bad I was. I couldnt distinguish the difference between what was good, or what was bad, anymore. I didn't feel sick. I lay there, my back wet and everything else drying. I had turned on the fan. I cannot take baths without the fan on, I don't know why. It helps me dry faster when I lay there I guess. The faster I get cold, the faster I am compelled to get out of the empty thing.

It seemed like five minutes. And I was laying there, in silence. I said " Everything is ok, isnt it " to myself. My voice sounded odd. I didnt know if I was questioning myself, or making a statement. Or maybe a bit of both. Did I feel well? Or maybe even happy / was this happiness? Where was the internal backlash that always occured with 'good things' - where was my dampeners to make sure I never fell too far into ...

" Everything is ok, isnt it " - but this time it was inside my head.

Again, not knowing if it was a question or a statement. Looking for answers or stating a fact. My internal representations of mother and father where nowhere to be found. My chants weren't flooding in, and everything did seem " ok ".

I waited.

I waited for it to change.

I waited for what seemed five minutes, in that empty bath-tub.
with silence at my side, waiting for the backlash.
waiting for the sickness to come washing down over me,
start from my feet and play around with my gut,
only to jump onto my chest, and then land in my head.

but it never came.

I lay there for what seemed to me to be five minutes.
I got up, dry - and put my pants on.
I walked into here, my room, and glanced at the time.

surely something, somewhere, must be wrong,
right?

as how could one mistake two hours for five minutes?

---

Lost:
you know what?
white people are crazy.
I'm half german half filipino and I've come to that decision.
They just are.

Example:
Shannon.
End of high school: Virgin, doesn't do bad things
2nd year of college: having 5 ways with her bf and others and doing e 3 x a week


words from a " soon - to - be " slug I've known for ... what,
four or five years?

Ok, um, James........YOU FUCKED UP
You're using the wrong slash in all the links on the main page.......
the back slash (\) is used only in windows (dos) for local files.......
the forward slash (/) is used for network addresses, such as websites.......


Anyhow.....
"Eat my ass"

John Paul told me to say that at last night's little keg-infused party.
I've never drank two gallons of beer before....
and I didn't even puke.
but I fell over a lot.
fun fun fun.

it kind of makes you wonder,
what ever happened to " the mega post "


hmm.

-feh-