I shall elaborate my point because it seems nobody has seemed to got it - but rather, has pigeonholed me into the stereotypical " grinch " or " scrooge " as it may be. I believe steve may have the same feeling I have - and yet you still do not listen to him either. So here I go.

First and foremost my beef was not necissarily with the economizing of christmas as a holiday. I dont care much for that.
and secondly - Im tired of all the bullshit that comes when someone makes a point and the only thing to degrade that point is : " YOU THINK TOO MUCH " or " STOP OVER ANALYZING THINGS " or something else along the same lines. These two points I shall further elaborate.

My beef with christmas was about the idealogies behind them. Not about " OH MAN I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE FUN BECAUSE OF ( SOME REASON ) " - and it wasnt about NOT ENJOYING CHRISTMAS. My beef was behind presents and the idealogies that people present in giving and receiving said presents. Not with the holiday. THE PEOPLE - and secondly : specifically for michael that is : Im not a family person. I dont give a flying rats ass if mom and dad and little brother joe and the one legged crippled kid who " PLEASE SAH, MAY I HAVE SOME MOHRE? " shows up to get a turkey. I dont want grandma and grandpa over. I dont want Calvin and his umpteenth girlfriend-whom-will-soon-be-replaced over. I dont want toys. I dont want gifts. I want happiness. And all these things which are done over and over each and every year DONT FUCKIN' DO IT. Im a nice person. I give presents willingly when there isnt an occasion to call for it. Im not needy, and Im not greedy. Im a very good person. It tears me up inside when christmas time rolls itself around and all of a sudden everyone is calling me a grinch. Or misanthropic. Or materialistic. Or scrooge. And they start telling me that I need to " lighten up " and " get into the spirit " - how the fuck can I get into the spirit when all it takes is for a holiday to make you my best friend? To make you buy me things? To make you be nice? To make you FINALLY have goodwill and tidings towards all men? Fuck you. I do believe in Christ and I do believe in his teachings - but I sure as hell dont believe in all the fabricated bullshit that comes along with : " OH YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY ON THIS SPECIFIC DAY " crap - You think I didnt buy things to " make a dent " in some coporation's plans? No, I didnt buy presents because I didnt deserve to buy them. I didnt buy presents because the people I was going to get them didnt deserve them. WHERE THE FUCK HAS THE CONCEPT OF BEING HUMBLE GONE? Oh fuck that lets flush it down a toilet and be happy.

I will show my goodwill towards men throughout the year.
It wont take a god-damned paid day off of work for me to be a nice person.

secondly.

WHAT THE FUCK? This is the way I am. I think. Its what I do. While everyone else was out drinking their alcohol and having their parties and going to football games and fucking their friends and playing in streets I was in the library or at home reading a book and thinking about life. Thinking about why I existed and the meaning to things. I THOUGHT about the things PEOPLE DID instead of DOING THEM. Now that Im reaching the point of my life where I have to do those things people continually tell me that all the conclusions Ive come to are fabricated and nothing more than " over thinking " and that I should " relax " and " take it easy " and " stop being so stupid " - well fuck you buddy. Sorry if I cannot live my life by the swing of every second and never stop to think " what does this mean? " - sorry that I think life has some greater intent, some higher purpose to it rather than " feeling good " or " being happy " - fuck you if I cant say something and instead of trying to LOGICALLY SHOOT ME DOWN on the same grounds you decide that " its higher and mighter " to say : " HUH HUH, I DONT CARE YOU IS STUPID STOP AND JUST SMOKE THIS JOINT AND RELAX DOOD " - FUCK YOU.

I DONT WANT A GOD DAMNED HUG.
I DONT WANT FUCKIN SYMPATHY.
I WANT TO STOP GETTING SCREWED BY MY GOD DAMNED "FRIENDS" EVERY FUCKING TURN I TAKE.
I WANT TO HAVE SOME SORT OF RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE I KNOW AND FOR MYSELF.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF THOSE AROUND ME AND BE PROUD.
I WANT TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THINGS THAT I BELIEVE MATTER BUT MAKE NO REAL DIFFERENCE.
I WANT TO BE COMPELLED TO LIVE LIFE RATHER THAN PASS IT BY WITH ELATION AND GOOD FEELING.
I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE TO KNOW WHY I AM HAPPY AND UNDERSTAND WHERE THE HAPPINESS COMES FROM.

wrap that in a god damned box and put it under my tree.
fuck you.
and have a merry christmas.