CHRISTMAS
or a lack there - of

I'd like to wish you all a merry christmas. So I will do that now : Merry Christmas - but yet the words do not express much of anything to me anymore. I think the ending of this year marks my final descent into insanity. The final snap before the real havok begins. I do not know what the next year will bring - but I do know that it wont be pretty. I will move out. I will have my own place. I will let my eccentricies run wild - and most of all I will be happy. Happiness and insanity - for some damn reason, are the same thing for me. If I imagine myself to be in a good mood, then obviously I must have lost something in the wood-work. My idealogies have manifested themselves in a full-blown manner to which I cannot help but do anything. I just sit to the side and watch them grab the controls and say : " THIS IS HOW IT IS GOING TO BE, MOTHA FUCKA " - and so it is. Christmas, for example. I do not celebrate my birthday - in fact, I dont think birthdays should be celebrated. The birth of christ has, and it has been said so many times before that it isnt funny - become nothing more than an economic bump in corporations' plans for gathering money into their pockets. Christmas now starts the day after thanksgiving. I wanted to give people presents but I thought the presents would be empty inside. Just full of money and " I think this person wants this " - no real caring or real feeling attatched to them. I think that this lack of caring has also made people think that : " I should get what I want from these people this year because ( insert reason ) " - always wanting to want. To want want want want. I asked myself this year - or should I say that my father came in and asked : " what do you want for christmas? " - I ... thought about it. Nothing. I dont want anything, really. And I figured thats was it. I have totally lost it. The american idealogy of : "WANT WANT WANT WANT" had been erradicated. I just keep on going. So.

I hope that every one of you wants to get something for christmas.
I hope that every one of you gets what you want this christmas.
I hope that every one of you enjoys life and is happy with what comes.

just other ways of saying Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.

I thought of trying to gather together poker night on christmas.
but I figured that would be blasphemy.