I'm listening to Kenny Rogers. That's right- go ahead and laugh, fuckers. Ruby, don;t take your love to town rules . a lot.

Due to the extreme and abusive harassment i received from james today, i am...."posting".
i had thought about doing a whole long doo da about our earlier conversation on the difference between friends and associates, but i dont know any of you people so why would you care about what i think about james' morbidly off-centered view of all things.
so, here i am, typing away about absolutely nothing for reasons i'm not quite sure....ahh...ok...here's something special about one moment of life, enjoy:
AbraKaDuh: have you ever been sick and had that big ole wad of slimy snot sliding down the back of your throat, but when you go and try to cough it up to spit it out, it just won't do what you want?
n o t mud: yeup. in fact for the past four days ive been struggling with work + fever + headache + congestion.
n o t mud: I might have some sort of winter-allergy
AbraKaDuh: i am currently faced with that very situation.....and i am forced to tolerate the feeling of it going down the back of my throat with nothing that i can do to stop it
n o t mud: oi.



thank you, that is all

Blurg - I can't sleep. Probably that fookin Mocha I had before bed... hmm...

K-PAX :: -Plot-, no "bad" language that I can recall, no nudity unless I missed it, no violence, no real mass special effects... and you know what - with all these missing things, it was a good movie. Wierd ending which could have been done better in my opinion, however my ticket stub does say "K-PAX I". Arg! Can you say part two ?

I found an "out-of-nowhere-gift" today, from my mother. A book of International mixed drinks, very nice. I don't recall doing anything special which might result in a reward or gift, got it just because - I think. However, as I find myself flipping the pages of interesting drinks I realize something - the pub I work at doesn't seem to stock half the shit in all those drinks which I might find appealing or might enjoy making and serving.

I might enjoy serving something called "Hitler's Grenade", "Death by Chocolate", "Deep Throat Shooter", "Seduction" and quite a few others. Noo, course my boss is a tight ass and doesn't want to stock up on things which I might 'accidentally' urge my customers to try.

I have the 17th off for paintball, at least the manager (bitch) said I did - she could change her mind... she is a bitch after all. To date I have $30 just in quarters from my tips and gathered change, I'll probably end up with another $30 by the 17th.

.... yeup... wow... Jimmy sucks - couldn't find him today to go watch K-Pax. Bastard. I feel fat - the chair I'm sitting on creaks and groans as if I might weigh 500lbs - which I don't... unless I keep expanding.
Yes, I'm bored - haven't posted in awhile.... ( Brown board sucks ) I think James is trying to make it too 'organized' looking or 'special' maybe 'sophisticated' looking when in the end we're all just Cow-pie-high dumbshits who don't care for those sort of things. Beauty is found in the most simplistic of things.

Kiss My Asteroid!

Fuck.

Okay...how is this thing supposed to work...
I type here...
Right...

Okay, hello all.

This is me: ALF.
yes i know I am attractive...
look at that crap they are having me were...you'd think I was a taliban terrorist or something...
But hey ladies, look at my large feet....oh Yes...large for you!

Do you know why I am here typing out on this garbage?
Because i was forced to.

That stupid dumbassJeff and his old man friend (don't ask me, I think he was snorting viagra when my back was turned), rescued me from my prison. But they said they'd only do that if I worked with them.

He also told me to write something here...
Its like i'm in prison all over again.

I need to get something straight first. I hate you all. No, I'm not trying to be cute. I hate all you people.
Do you think it is because i was captured by the military? Oh no...that was nothing at all...

It's this:

Look at them and their smiliing faces...they even forced me to smile...but oh if you only knew...if you only knew...

I crash landed...the first problem I encountered...
and it wasn't even my fault...
I was merely flying reconaisence and checking my scanners when something came over my radio...somethin called "80's Rock..."
whatever it was, it began seeping into my brain...causing delusions...hallucinations...
my brain began to bleed, my eyes bulged...
i could feel my cranium begin to swell...
and then i crashed...

And then i met that family...

Oh sure, at first they pretended to be kind and understanding...

They made me dinner:

They stuffed me and stuffed me...oh it was a fine first two weeks...
I was pampered...I lived the life...

But if only I would have run...
But alas, I didn't know, and that naive-ness was my downfall...

Things began getting strange...
They began to dress me up:


Holea? WTF?


I don't know why they made me dress up and go to that older teenage girls room...I think was one lonely desperate bitch...


First the dad made me buy him a present.

Then he told me to unwrap his...
I felt sooo violated that day.

But soon, they grew tired of me...
They found a new interest: goats.

Those bastard tanners, they turned me into the military. Still, I figured it wouldn't be to bad...no more having to be their sex slave...

I was wrong:

First their was the general

who would sometimes give me to his group of men...


I still scream at night.

But I escaped, free at last...

I hitchhiked my way across country, in hopes of putting those memories behind me...
But everywhere I went, people somehow recognized me...

During my stay in the military sex prison, those bastard tanners made a fortune off of my stay with them by turning their home movies into a TV series...

They couldn't even get my fucking name right! My name is not ALF you dumbshits! That was just the sex name they gave me when they made me scream in the sex dungeon of love.

Damn you all, its Gordan Shumway fuckholes! I hate you all.

I especially hate this fat bastard who saw me on the street and captured me:


He tricked me, making me think he was a kind person. After all, someone told me once that all fat people are nice because they have to be.

Apparently I wasn't the only individual in his prison:


Poor poor bastard...

But that's when Jeff and this old man came around. At first I thought they were part of the fatman's group, ready to have their way with me...especially the old guy. He kept fumbling with this vial of something. I swear it said Viagra on it...

They started talking to the fatman, and then gave him a donut. He dropped to the ground, salivating, and began chewing on it. Then he freed me and that poor asian boy.

I had to promise to work with him though briefly. Oh well...anythings better than that stinky fatman.

And so that is what I have to say...

But I have one request from all of you.

GET MY DAMN NAME RIGHT! My name is not ALF. ALF is an acronym created by a bunch of backwater hillbilly morons who couldn't understand that my name was Gordan. They thought it was some alien-speak.

You don't see me walking around calling you all HUMAN instead of by your names. Hell not even that...that would be a compliment. It would have been amazing if they at least called me by my species name...no, they come up with ALF...WTF?!?!

I was forced to use ALF because that dumbass Jeff said that you all wouldn't know who I was if I said this was Gordan. Dumbass.

I should start calling all of you SHIT (Sauntering Humanoid Idiot Talkers). Yes, I like that. From now on, you all are SHITs.

Hahahaa...stupid SHITs.

Guh, I'm tired. Now I'm going to have the one thing this miserable planet has to offer that is good.
I'm gonna go eat me some pussies...yeah.

Hey there Miss Tarina. ..

I just wanted to thank you for the email. . .ann also, your address isn't working when I reply. Is it still hwyfar?

6 inches of white stuff fell from the sky last night. It was cold, lacey petals larger that quarters, piled itself around and on my adobe. That's right, it was SNOW, and I have pictures to prove it. hehehehe..... Last night it was a beautiful winter wonderland, now the streets are being cleared of it and it's slowly melting. You would think that if it snowed you'd get a day off school wouldn't you? WELL NOT HERE!!! I'm actually glad we have school today. That way I can attack people at school and run after them with giant snow balls.... *plots it all out in her mind* You must know this, I cannot help but share it.... we CAN PLAY WITH THE SNOW AT SCHOOL. MUwaAHAHAahhaaha!!! Poor you Washintonions back home will never have that privelege at BHS.

I will post pictures this evening after I've uploaded them. I don't want to do it now even though I have several hours before I have to go to school at 9:30. Yes, It IS morning here. Twill be a good day I think. :)

...
what?

they're falling everywhere

raking it up all day...
falling falling....... no end

we rake - break time
endless as the sea.... falling everywhere

for you, for me
falling falling all around
raking, raking - is there no end...?

yes!

bzzzbzzzzzbzbzzz----
gravity rules- crashing breaking... woomph!
HAhAHahA....

*smiles happily*

no more falling, raking, breaking, for me.

existing in a world without control
I never asked for this
yet somehow hanging on I dwindel.

reality of my situation
I never asked for this
a world without control
hanging by this thread I dwindel.

peace is simple understanding
perfection would be
slowly, quietly, comfortably fading into nothingness.
And life is never perfect.
understand me

I have no anger for my sorrow
no passion for my pain
as I will to lose my will
and no longer feel insane.

can't you utter in the dark to yourself
like a madman speaks of horror
I speak inside my sacraficial burdon
I utter madmans words in bleak confessions

as I hear the roaring of the self diluting drums
as I feel the numbing power of the drugs
and as I see myself slipping ever more
I walk closer to the answer than before
once you lose the will to live
the will to care or be cooperative
you are free.

In a world without control
I am not controlled
my self destructive passion
diluting me am fading soberly
no passion for my pain
I have no lust for burdon

LOL...

Bradbury and not mud...

too bad you didn't tell me this two weeks ago. While I was down in Gothemburg I met a nice blonde lesbian couple. They did make out in front of me on 3 different occations, of which 2 times I had my camera. LOL.... I didn't take any pictures of them though. Wish I had, they were so CUTE together. :)

moving along though... I seem to have bitten off more han I can chew as the old saying goes. argh! Life goes on anyway, at least I have that. :)

Another day, another SPED room.
Damn right.
but this time it was [mercifully] brief.

Spent the past two days working through some config issues with Apache on OS X.1
Bleh.
My mind hurts.
But we got it 90% right.
If anyone knows how to set up authentication with Apache.....let me know.

I need some pork rinds. And tequila. Mainly tequila.

so much anger in
so with much hostility appearing
sadness in a self decaying fabled being

empathy what beauty
deeply for him suffering silence
the tragic beauty of the hurting child

see that human growing colder
see there that human crying
weeping thinking being
know thyself knows self decaying

hurting for the hurting child
tears despairing for the sickly child
see that one growing colder
self decaying growing older
in a shell

break the concrete wall down
open up emotional expression
express fear, doubt, anguish, madness, tragic beauty
self decaying letting go of self
I see in child crying

*mummbles* stupid mother fucking angelfire.com.... Does anyone know of a good server that lets you LOAD things onto the internet that actually works half decently?

Okay, figured out how to get this so you can at least view these damnable things. Copy and past the links below and press enter. Without the 'www.' in front of angelfire.com it appears to work.

the mushrooms:
http://angelfire.com/wa2/tarwyn/267_6709_IMG.JPG

my brother:
http://angelfire.com/wa2/tarwyn/marcus.jpg

my sister:
http://angelfire.com/wa2/tarwyn/getlmage2.jpg

the internet is a crazy place

for one - ebay.
I find ebay so terribly fun merely because it's like having friends in far off places send you mail - and yet you dont even have to bother with "being their friend" because you dont give a shit who they are as long as they cough up their end of the bargain - being the product you buy. Last night I got : UNDERWORLD | Pearl's girl in the mail. I've been listening to it ever since. I also got another package, but that was in a medium-sized box, which I will refer to at a later time in this post.

Recieving things in the mail / thats what this is about. Does anyone ever recieve things in the mail from people? It is a terribly great feeling - almost like christmas but not quite as ... hyped. Because not everybody is getting presents - just you.

Y - O - U

I also think that half of the greatness is that if you're good, you've probably already forgotten what it is that you bought online - considering that the time it takes to ship through mail for one is slow, but now that THERE MIGHT BE ANTHRAX IN IT - it takes even longer for things to move around. So not only do you get something, but whatever it is - it is a surprise as well.

The feeling is so great that I almost want to start sending packages to people - but I've never actually done that. I dont know how to just go out and buy something for someone that I think they might like - because that seems so foreign and odd to me. Not only that - but it is difficult to think of what anyone would like.

Go figure.

But moving on - the box contained a stuffed animal from a girl online, who off-handedly wanted to send me something in the mail. I didn't mind. So time passed and then I got this box - I opened it up to find a medium-sized stuffed teddy bear. I laughed, and thought to myself :

" Philbert has a friend, ah, but what to name you? "

I came up with the name rather quickly : Hamlet. The bear's name is Hamlet. Hamlet and Philbert now sit in the corner of my bed, and they get along fine. I think they like eachother, as none of them complain. Or at least I dont hear them complaining. ...



there was once an old man
who lived top a hill
in a house with no ceiling
but a chimney, still

no door, but a window
and one flower outside
not a word from him heard
for in this house he did hide



until a day came when rain was about
and flooded his home and bothered him so
he ranted, and raved / yelled and did shout
what would he do now and where would he go



but all was ok, fine and just dandy
he packed his things, but a book and some candy
headed off to a better place, with a door
on a hill, with a roof / down the road from a store



but outside no flower grew.
no casual reminder of the place he once knew.

who gives a shit about flowers when it isnt raining.


heh.
i had to finish off with a highly metaphorical story.
go figure.

. . .

Funny, Micheal, real funny.

I'd like to start off by saying:

I FUCKING HATE WORKING ON SHIT IN SP.ED. ROOMS!!!!!

I almost got bit today.
I was leaning over the computer, getting the barcode number, when I felt something at my side.
I looked down, the little bastard had ahold of my belt and was about to take a chunk from my arm....
THE FUCKING TEACHER DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

arg

Anyway....
Tarwyn....pics still don't work.

jeFF----man, you can't put spaces in filenames, it fucks with netscape.

Well I'm happily settled into my new home now. I admit that I love this house. It's three stories plus and attic. The basement, which I do consider a floor of the house because it's just as nice as the rest of the house, has a whirlpool tub, a sanna, the large shower that you could fit 10 people into easily, and my big bro lives down there where he comes down from Uppsala. I hvae two of my own rooms and a bathroom all to myself... just like back home there in the states. Here I have my own desk, 2 widescrene tvs, dvd and tape player, two large dc players and a large comfy cream couch, and two bed which I can pick to sleepith in. I like my host family a lot. they're nice and we get along well. I love it here! it's a kind of paradise to me. :) Now every heaven has at least one glitch to it...

I found out today that I have to learn Swedish relatively fleuntly by the end of the month. It's a rule for that the Rotary clubs (my sponsors) have here. If I don't, they can send me back if they want. I study about 2½ hours on week days after school, 1½ of Swedish and then my other classes, and study my Swedish on the weekends too. Other than that, it's great! :)

Now for some pictures!

I fiddled witht his for half and hour. These pictures would not load properly here because they are two large...


These are called Kantarella... we go and pick them and clean them up... they taste really nummy!

This is a somewhat recent picture of my big brother Marcus... I think it was some sort of formal party or dinner. who knows...

This is my sister Rebecca. She is gone now though, she's on exchange in Kentucky/ Kansas? I can never remember.


Well, that's it!

---

Suspicioius Stats

---

Something is awry...something very bad...

Earlier in the month, i had complained that i was feeling rather unimportant...

why?

simple...because i wasn't getting any anthrax-laced mail...

Well, i'm here to say that perhaps i shouldn't have been so down on being unimportant...

because as it seems...there maybe some people looking into me now as well...

Confused...
well, let me shed some light on the subject:

These are stats about who has visited the board...provided by Netstat...or something like that...

Still confused...

well check out the circled locations...

INDIA?!

and what is this LEVEL 3 COMMUNICATIONS?!?

(the question marked ones are placed that i figure are from Tarwyn checking the board...but i'm not sure.)

What makes it even more suspicious is that these didn't pop up until after i posted my post earlier today about NAAFA and the fat obtuse-angle disorder that harry wapler and myself discovered...

so then why...

I decided to check out this Level 3 thing quickly, by going to their website:

Nothing to suspicious so far...

but then:

Apparently this company purports to offer internet service around the globe...

so then what do they want with our board, and more specifically my post??

What are the fish all about??

and what link does this have with india?!

Is this internet service providing stuff all a front for something far more devious? and why after i posted about NAAFA...

or is it about my controversial new theory: fat obtuse-angle disorder.

To further investigate this, i am putting together a crackpot investigative force to uncover this brooding conspiracy...

and you know what that means:

expect some rather interesting posts about what i discover,
which sure to include devious plots again us, and possibly myself...

For the Boswanians³⁰

A VERY IMPORTANT SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT THAT YOU NEED TO READ

ahh, good stuff.

---

Shocking information, i guarantee

---

As i walk about my daily life, i am constantly observing and analyzing things that i see.

That is the trait of a good psychologist after all, and a good student. (Well, at least i figure so.)

A couple of days ago something caught my attention, and plagued me for quite a bit.

I was riding on of the ferry's to seattle, and i noticed a very large man walking about. When i say large, i mean large. This man was like jOe's equal. In fact, from behind, i thought it was jOe, perhaps trying to catch dinner off of the ferry using a makeshift fishing pole or something.

Anyway, something bugged me. The man seemed odd (aside from his large size and unkept appearance), and then it hit me.

He was walking around funny. It was like he was in a continous limbo contest. He walked at an angle. This got me thinking...why...

I just couldn't understand it.

So i came home, and went through some photographs i had...and i noticed a couple of things:

Here is an imagine of jimmoi standing around at paintball. From my calculations, he stands and walks about at a 90^o angle.

However...


I found that jOe did not quite walk at that angle. In fact, his stance and stride quite honestly matched that of the man i saw on the ferry dock.

Curiouser, and curiouser...

So i decided to go and ask someone about this...and who better than the spokewoman for the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA). However, that turned out to be a deadend...

Apparently, she didn't take kindly to anything going against the idea that being fat wasn't necessarily a good thing. That, or she had a raging case of the munchies...

as did her task force!


I barely escaped. Actually, that's not true. It was rather easy to escape as they couldn't really run very fast...except for this little fat midget who kept biting my ankles.

Yes...my quest for knowledge about this phenomena seemed to be lost...there was no place i could turn...no person who could shed light on my problem...

and then i remembered the one person who might know...

the one person who time and time again has shed light on controversy and mystery using his damn near perfect investigative reporting...

That's right ladies and gentlemen...
Harry Wapler came to my rescue...

Almost immediately, after putting down his bloody-mary, he began to work out problems on an old chalkboard, until he exclaimed, "Eureka!", and began to explain the reason for the odd walking...

He began his explanation with a diagram of jOe.


As he explained to me...this was jOe currently. By itself, the picture didn't seem to make much sense...

Then he showed me a specially created time-lapsed diagram...


Suddenly things began to make sense...

As he explained it...
The angle at which a person walks is a function of a person's weight...
Thus, the fatter you are, the more your stomach sticks out and the larger the angle at which you walk.

Thus, if larger people walk at an obtuse angle, instead of a 90^o angle or so.

To say that i was amazed by this discovery would be highly understating just how amazing it truly was.

For the first time ever, we had definitive and undeniable proof that being that large was unhealthy.

Why unhealthy...simple...
because at a certain weight, the angle would reach 180^o, which would be the equivalent of sliding your body about...
(which is what some do.)

Not to mention the incredible strain on your knees and spinal cord.

I think this is why that crazy NAAFA spokewoman wanted to kill me...
with this knowledge, i can bring the truth to the world...

Oh crazy times we live in.

For the Boswanians²⁹