June 21, 2006

An American Food

NOTE: I had to make this post quickly, because I was getting nightmares at seeing Chunky McSpears everytime I opened this site.

Remember when, during a picnic or barbeque, or ho-down for our country readers, there was that moment when the first hamburger was freshly grilled off the... well... grill.

I remember those moments. They are what makes summer barbeques great. Getting that burger. I preferred mine with a little bit of melted cheese. Oh, and some ketchup. Though lately I've moved on to mustard.

That's right, fuck you Heinz. German bastard. (German engineered bastard.)

There's something so delicious about those homemade burgers. And it's not like they cost much to make. Just a few patties, some buns, and your condiment of choice.

Sometimes though, we don't have time to make our own burgers, so we go to some place to have a burger. Like MacDonalds (eww.) or Wendys (less eww.) or Red Robin (variety of decent mixed with eww.). Of course, with these places, those burgers can increase in cost (Red Robin being the most expensive.)

I think a Red Robin burger costs like around 10 bucks, give or take. But hey, it can be worth it. (Jalepeno Burger, bitches!)

Well, following that logic, then THIS:

Fru Fru.

Has to be the most tasty burger on the muthafuckin' (source: Sam Jackson) planet.

This tasty-gem costs 100 dollars. NO... wait... actually, with tax and garnishes, it costs: $124.50.

(And, of course, you can only purchase this burger if you belong to an exclusive club where the membership is $40,000 with a $3,600 dollar yearly fee.)

Excuse me, while I...

There really is a sucker born every minute.

I'm sorry, but a $43,724.50 burger? Are you fuckin' out of your mind? Seriously? Gentle Jesus this is the stupidest thing I have heard of yet. (Aside from Carrot Top.) I mean... for fuck's sake... the only thing this solves is that people will be less likely to become Chunky Beef (see previous post below).

Of course, not to be outdone, Hickville, USA has come up with the anti-stupid expensive burger, by shoving as much crap as they can in it.

Introducing the Monster Thick Burger:

Look ma, it's Australia... no wait... that's just the type of food truckers named Mel eat...

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, "Thank God someone has invented a way to subtly kill fat people."

Because that's what this thing does. At 1420 calories and 2740mg of sodium, this thing could stop the heart of a walrus.

At least we still have In-and-Out Burger.

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