I'm nervous. I have a job interview tomorrow at 4:30 - I'd really like to have this job, but over the past two days I've had a bad feeling. Thinking back on some things made me a bit depressed, hope that doesn't show on the interview. I haven't been able to find my herbal meds, can't stop thinking about those things. Things I don't want to happen just wont stop buzzing around inside my head. I also have to meet that damn woman from my academy for job placement - I hate her.

I have to come properly dressed ( my suit and all that ), after thinking about it awhile I thought - I would be already dressed for a funeral, probably mine. Don't know why it would be mine, just have a really bad feeling which keeps me down. I usually pay attention to my 'gut feelings' or instincts, I guess I'm just that kinda guy. If I don't go to this interview I lose the job placement which the academy helps provide, the interviews they help set up. That feeling just wont go away, it's more than being nervous.

I've tried sleeping, to 'fast forward', just to see the new day, to get things started. I can't sleep. Music doesn't soothe me, the warm milk with honey which usually helps me sleep fails to do its work, fresh air wont let me sleep - I'm freezing. I have sweaters on, two of them and I'm fucking freezing. I'm getting a migraine now too, those things hurt like hell - right above my eyes, pressing down as if squeezin the eyeball itself. I want to sleep and I can't, I can't stop picturing the things which I dread - things I wish never to be true. My thoughts always drift to those things as I close my eyes.

I spent an hour or so today staring at my phone. It didn't ring, it never does. I wasn't on the phone at the time either. I just layed there, staring at my phone. I stared at the numbers, the little speed dial buttons, the color, the cord... I didn't find it entertaining, I just couldn't draw my attention away from it, no idea why.

I wish it was raining, maybe the rain could help me sleep - stare at my phone and listen to the rain drops.
I couldn't sleep two hours ago, guess I should try again eh ?