n o t mud: and the results of said experiment?
ExitSymbol: hiyo man
ExitSymbol: well...
ExitSymbol: sex was not the problem
n o t mud: hehehe.
ExitSymbol: Now I find myself at a point where, I let someone's feelings about me have significance.
ExitSymbol: and this particular person, I know does not trust me, suspects a motive...
ExitSymbol: It was a mistake
n o t mud: blasted.
ExitSymbol: you know what I am doing ?
ExitSymbol: collect all my writings... everything from the last year
n o t mud: havent the slightest. but if it involves women - then a " blasted " is well deserved.
ExitSymbol: I want to get it all together... to piece together my philosophy ... I think I can articulate it now
n o t mud: hehehe.
ExitSymbol: Like an apology for thinking differently... for being able to let go
n o t mud: collecting and organizing myself and my idealologies is entirely against my own idealologies and philosophies :-)
ExitSymbol: good for you jim
ExitSymbol: hehe
n o t mud: hey / if you ever need a ride out to the school and get there at 2pm - get a-hold of me.
n o t mud: and watch it with the name.
ExitSymbol: I can't have meaningless sex anymore... it has to mean something. I confronted her about it today.. she said "it wasn't meaningless, it was just there." and laughed... I had to work hard to keep myself from crying.. you were correct.. I have emotions now ... quite an unexpected situation
ExitSymbol: she apologised, said it was the wrong wording....
n o t mud: heh. do you see a delimia with rampant emotions scurrying about and sexual activities?
ExitSymbol: no
ExitSymbol: I like to feel
n o t mud: the two seem to have this ... energy connected / and when a channel to both of them is opened it isnt a great fun thing.
ExitSymbol: there is nothing bad.... it is all relative
n o t mud: :-)
n o t mud: granted. but wherein you enjoy " feeling " - I am entirely uncomfortable with it to extremes.
ExitSymbol: we need to get together over coffee one of these days. Just me and you... we have good talks you and I.. there is no one else that can communicate quite on our level
ExitSymbol: We had good talks, and... I need to talk to someone who can actually understand what I am saying....
n o t mud: heh, maybe it isnt that I understand in-as-much as I'm responsive in manners unexpected.
n o t mud: if you can make it out to shari's sometime at 11.30pm. heheh.
ExitSymbol: hey
n o t mud: maybe ill stop by sometime next week.
ExitSymbol: I can make it there whenever
ExitSymbol: you just swing over and we'll make the trip
n o t mud: well - be there tomorrow :b ( if you read my post )
ExitSymbol: I don't want to go with a bunch of people, esp with Jimmy ... not right now..
ExitSymbol: I can't deal with him lately
n o t mud: ah. thats difficult / I have been forced by my parents to not make " back trips " anymore unless I have gas compensation. It seems grabbing people and driving all over the place just isnt what they figure I should spend money on.
n o t mud: heheheheh.
ExitSymbol: maybe
n o t mud: monkies.
ExitSymbol: here are my latest thoughts
ExitSymbol: the city is a beast that grows in fractal patterns along interstates, consuming everything, we are the agents of change... If there is a meaning to life, then it applies equally everwhere, hence, what one does/believes has nothing to do with the meaning of life. Thus, nothing we do has meaning......
ExitSymbol: also
n o t mud: then what your bothering yourself isnt about "meaning" in-as-much as "the meaning of 'meaning' "
ExitSymbol: hehe
ExitSymbol: I understand meaning... that is why... we do nothing whichg has meaning
ExitSymbol: I.E. meaning outside ourselves
ExitSymbol: there is no "Meaning".. not objectively
n o t mud: hmm.
ExitSymbol: It's the same as the gear/machine story... they thought they were going "somewhere" when there in actuality is no place to "go"
n o t mud:
damn my attacking my own arguments before I make them.
I will let that stand, for now.

what I need to "gather sufficiently" is my theories about how All work should be hated and disliked.
because EVERYONE seems to disagree with me.
ExitSymbol: silopsism is the only route to meaning
n o t mud: now you've lost me / silopsism ( ? )
n o t mud: ??
ExitSymbol: the beliefe that the subjective is all there is.. I.E. disbeliefe in an external reality which exists independantly and without regard to, the self
ExitSymbol: In a world where ones thoughts/beliefs/actions are completely determined by the time/place of ones birth and being such are in no way a sign of the individuality of the person{and are also subjective}, how can any action/thought be considered more meaningful than a random collection of muscle spazms ?}

n o t mud: regret.
n o t mud: guilt.
n o t mud: and introspection.
ExitSymbol: ?
ExitSymbol: I have no regerets, because I have no expectations
n o t mud: touche'
however, what of those with regret?
how can you say things are not subjective when you've got people wanting things undone?
n o t mud: " wishing other things had happened "
n o t mud: considering other possible lines of execution.
n o t mud: if all things were meaningless - regret/introspection and guilt would have no place.
ExitSymbol: today this girl said "You can tell a lot about a person from examining their walet... I handed her mine and on inspection she said "You are a very simple man..." I then retorted "Am I a simple man, or, am I in fact so complex a person that I can not afford a complex life ?"
ExitSymbol: perhaps those things only stem from misbeliefe ?.. you can't believe in two mutually exclusive stories, but, one may lead to despare where the other leads to none...
n o t mud: heh, if all things had no meaning / you'd not make a distinction between one line of execution in comparison to the other. all action would be thus, and any emotional backlash should be cast out.
n o t mud: also - women enjoy rummaging through wallets of men.
ExitSymbol: I am thankful for the blogger .. it lets me keep things I would not
n o t mud: I havent figured out why, they just do.
n o t mud: I toyed with the fact that women have purses, in which they rarely let anyone "into" - and so they figure by getting into a man's wallet it is much the same as if someone were to rummage through her purse / an "invasion of privacy" almost.
ExitSymbol: that is simple dogma James... there is no base for it.. You may make a the distinctino between arrangements, but not decide that one has any meaning different from another...I.E. All things having one meaning is as no thing having meaning...
n o t mud: &^@*)
n o t mud: watch it with the name.
ExitSymbol: sorry
ExitSymbol: habit
n o t mud: and thats what I'm trying to shoot for. *things* do not have meaning, *arrangements* however, do.
n o t mud: it is in the arrangement of things which "meaning" exists.

ExitSymbol: it is in the denotation of arrangements ....
ExitSymbol: but what if, for sake of argument, no arrangement denotes ?
n o t mud: ...
n o t mud: blasted.
n o t mud: ah! it must be, because we have such things as guilt/introspection/regret wherein we could imagine a different set of arrangements, henceforth - a different " meaning "
ExitSymbol: Man O Man four long months with me writing stuff to theeeeee bord
ExitSymbol: but... here lies the cruxt of it... those experiences are unique to the individual ..I.E. Half full/ Half empty .. I.E. the fulness of the glass does not exist... the badness of the experience does not exist, objectively they are null... independant of the badness one percieves... hence... hence... there is no meaning, no denotation ..
n o t mud: back to all things being subjective again.
ExitSymbol: not all things beign subjective... all interpretations are subjective
ExitSymbol: silopsism
ExitSymbol: I adhere to an existence apart from experience... objective reality... independant of what "feelings, meanings" I project onto it... like the computer I project onto the matter I am typing at..... like the image in the "picture" that I see
n o t mud: monkies.
n o t mud: you've worked on this too long / i'll have to think of better ways to shoot you down.
ExitSymbol: there is no "image" but the one that I see... I project that image onto it.... and the same goes for meaning ... if life had meaing,,, it would be found in all lives... independant of subject... independant of beliefes in what is going on ... independant of what projection... I.E. Maybe the notion that we are actually doing "something" is just good old fashioned centementality
ExitSymbol: so that is what I mean
ExitSymbol: existence is what I am talking about, quite an unexpected situation
ExitSymbol: and yeah... I have been thinking about this for at least six months now
n o t mud: blasted.
ExitSymbol: I essence... I believe that we are in a bleak, empty, pointless situation ... existence ... but that is nothing to fret about.. we must expect nothing, as we did not expect existence.. then and only then can we "let go" and instead appreciate being... we are free to choose and choice comes with reason, there must be a reason, for we can not do everything at once.... expectation is suffering, to those who expect, life is suffering... when you realise that you exist, are free, and are going to die... only then can you let go
ExitSymbol: in essence
ExitSymbol: because you are free to let go
ExitSymbol: ohh.. and.... value/qualification...etc... the image in the picture ... that image does not exist.. you project it onto the truth of reality... the bleak, empty, pointless... existence
ExitSymbol: sounds a bit "depressing" doesn't it ?
ExitSymbol: sure as hell not a winners philosophy
ExitSymbol: man is born free, yet everywhere he lives in chains
ExitSymbol: you alive ?... need I call 911 ?
ExitSymbol: Hey !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ExitSymbol: Bring yourself to speeking