[TV Shows]

To get us off the movie topic for a bit, I present the TOP FIVE TV SHOWS for ME!

• The Simpsons: Homer and Bart. What can I say. It's fuckin' funny and its also enjoyable watching again and again. One day it will end, but not right now. It's also the longest running cartoon of all time.



• Seinfeld: One of the few shows where all of the characters were entertaining and equally likeable. The only sad part was the final episode, which was a bit of a let down. I like recap shows, but they had the recapping episode just prior to the final episode, which made it a bit of a let down. I did enjoy the final scene where they were all in a small jail cell for some reason.



• Saturday Night Live: Gave birth a string of actors that we all find funny. The newer ones aren't as great as some of the older ones, but over all its still great. Sad that Will Ferrel left.



• X-Files: It was good and entertaining, up until Mulder left the show. And the little tributes to other things were equally entertaining. Such as the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" video that was playing in the background of one of the episodes.



• NewsRadio: This one is most definitely a personal choice, as I can't think of that many other people I know who liked this show. Still, it was funny. Phil Hartman and the guy who played the news director, I can't remember his name at the moment, had funny on air arguments. I was sad when Phil Hartman died, cause I knew this show would die as well. It pretty much did.

Yeeup.

I suppose I could have said Cheers, or the Flintstones as alternatives to some of the ones above... but you know what... i didn't rightly feel like it.

[movies of the elite and powerful]

I own Road Trip and Scary Movie. I think I understand the concept between a classic and good movie, and a good flick... or an entertaining one. I'm sure that all of us do. Any of us who enjoyed Robocop or Die Hard or any other action film. In reality they are just fun to watch and not really all that cinematically great. Well, Die Hard rules - I'm just using that as an example for other things... meh... can't think of them. Fuck... mind faltering...

Anyway, the point being, I don't think that anyone is necessarily saying that a movie has to be gold standard to be enjoyable...

but there are some things that are just not watchable to some people, and that's more a matter of preference. For some reason, James hates The Crow. Maybe he thinks it takes itself to seriously. I don't know. I personally don't like movies that take themselves too seriously when they obviously shouldn't. That doesn't mean I may not enjoy them visually, or for just some easy watching... but I still may not like aspects of them.

Alien Versus Predator. Oh I know I'll watch it. I'm sure of it. It's an Alien movie after all. Just like I'll watch Star Wars Episode Three when it comes out. I'm sure I'll enjoy AVP for certain aspects. After all, I've always wanted to see them fight too. But I know I'll also have problems with it. I'm sure there will be parts that are insulting to the concept of the past Alien and Predator movies... i'm sure there will be things that are insulting to the past directors of Alien - to the ones that made Alien awesome in the first place. Yet I'm sure there's a chance I'll watch it, because inherently it will have some entertainment value. I still watch Star Wars Episode II, and I hate Episode II for many reasons... but I have probably watched it ten times, if not more. Because it's still enjoyable. It's still got some Star Wars. And its got Yoda flying around fighting.

Bad and Lame movies are great for debating and talking about because they suck so much. And of course we are gonna watch them still. We may not like them all the time, but we'll still watch 'em. Humans always do that sorta self-destructive behavior.

However... Gigli? Good God Aaron... this is less and attack and more a wondering as to why you'd ever put your soul through that kind of torture. Granted I haven't seen it, but still. I thought the same thing with Glitter... and I decided, i shouldn't judge it without seeing it. My soul still hates me for thinking that way.

And strong opinions are far more interesting. If this board was filled with pansy, half-assed convinctions, I wouldn't fuckin' read it. The fact that James comes on here and acts like his opinion is better than anyone else's is just humorous.

You should hear Jimmy's opinion on snow. Man that's funny shit.

I must go fill out more applications.

Oh God that movie sucks.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04008/259129.stm

James, please link - ify that.

[phone home]

I get this call from Jimmy.

Only, I was in the computer lab and couldn't talk... so i say, call me back in thirty minutes to an hour.

He calls, two hours later. Only, he doesn't talk. Instead, I hear random background noises. It scares me. It scars me.

I am frightened.

Anyway, TORQUE!

Hehahaheheha... that will be an interesting movie. It's like they said, "Hey, Fast and the Furious just wasn't unbelievable enough, so let's try it again. Only this time, let's make it even crappier with worse acting!"

I have this horrible feeling that 2004 is going to be BAD for movies, with only a few good ones sneaking through.

I hope I am wrong. TORQUE and Alien Versus Predator are killing that hope.

[¿]

That fucker did Soldier! God I hated that movie. Hated. Hated almost as much as I hated Mr. Parr... Klingon rat-bastard.

Yes... we all know how much I hated him.

I had almost put that god-forsaken movie out of my mind until you mentioned it just now Jimmy. Why? Why did you have to mention it now... after all these years... why?

Soldier can be equated with the visual version of cyanide or lead... if it were ever possible to make poison visual.

BTW, who did Mortal Kombat Annihilation... because that movie was extremely horrible. I didn't hate it like I hate Mr. Parr or Soldier, but I sure didn't like it. Mortal Kombat was decent. It wasn't good... but it was decent.

I would play six degrees... but I can't think of actors in parts that well at times... plus, I would likely do something easy without realizing it, like Jim Carrey to Val Kilmer. Only I'd go some long route before I realized the direct link. Cause I do that. yeeup.

Also... do animated movies count? Cause technically they are movies too.

On second thought, i don't think I wanna travel down Jimmy's dark path of boredom and regret.

[comparison shoppers]

You can definitely compare movies even if they are from different directors, its done all the time.

Especially if it is a sequel or prequel to a movie. It's just saying, well what did this director do different then the one before him. Completely normal.

You'd better believe i'm gonna rip into Alien Versus Predator when that piece of shit comes out.

Of course, I might be wrong, it might be good. Jimmy was wrong in his initial feelings on Kill Bill v.1. After he actually saw it, he said he liked it.

I still have yet to see that movie. Damnation.

http://slugs.genericwebhost.com/forum

im workin on it.

[Among Us]

First, I'm pretty sure Jimmy knew about Alien: Resurrection. After all, he's one of those people that knows about things pertaining to movies. He may not always get the specifics right, but I'm pretty sure he knew about it.

Really, I think that everyone knew that, almost making my post pointless.

Secondly, how can you call Alien 3 the best of them? Yeah it was good. And as Jimmy pointed out, the fact that the humans didn't have guns made for a good little twist, but I wouldn't call it the best.

While I don't remember as much about the first or second one, mostly the second one cause I've seen it less, I know that they are still the top two.

The first one because that's where we actually meet the Alien. If I remember correctly, its only one Alien, and yet it manages to rip up those space scientists. Plus, who can forget that chilling moment when the egg hatches and the face-hugger Alien latches itself on that guy. And then when it rips out of his stomach for the first time? C'mon, we are talking classic moments.

The second one is better than the third easily. I remember that one being the scariest one to me when I was a kid. I was fuckin' scared. One of the only movies to really scare the shit out of me. I would check under my bed before going to sleep for weeks after seeing it, always afraid that I'd get attacked.

That was the one where Ripley fights with the Alien inside of that mechanized mover thing. I will ALWAYS remember that. And where Bishop (its name was Bishop right), was all ripped up, with its white blood pouring all over the place.

I can only hope you were joking about Alien 3 being the best of them easily. IF it was the best, it certainly isn't "easily".

oh shit son.
php capabilities and message board here we come.

ooooh yeah.
gotta re-do the website too.
WHeEEEEEeeeeEEE something to do!

( note : which one do you guys think looks 'better' initially - before i tweak it? )

http://phpbb.com/
or
http://demo.invisionboard.com/

:: edit > archives are now online and working fine ::

[!]

FUCK YA! Finally... finally hours in front of a computer have paid off... finally college is starting to pay off a little. Finally I got a call back from a resumé put in. A position at Benaroya Hall as a Clinical Coordinator. SWEET. Jeff is happy!

Mostly happy cause I will finally have a career launching position.

Those of you mocking and laughing and whatnot... you clearly don't understand. I need something to do. Plus, this position supposedly pays well, has benefits, and all without having to build boxes... err... cardboard... err... corrugated fiber. Sweet.

Then I will have money and can visit and can buy a paintball gun and shoot at Mr. Collins' igloo.

Life smoothening itself out.

[Snowy Seattle]

So Seattle finally got snow. That was interesting. Spent the day walking all over the place, having some hot soup, and finally building stuff. That was also after sledding down a hill and almost into Lake Washington a copule of times. Interesting stuff.

So I decided, why not try building something. So I preceeded to build Fort Awesome... only to be deterred when I realized, it was starting to rain and there wouldn't be enough snow.

And I also figured, while I know I could build something far far grandeur than James IMBLOO, or whatever he told me it was... I wanted something different. So I combined my efforts with my roommate Allens and we built Gigantimus the Snow Beast, which turned out to be nine feet tall, at my best estimation, and probably the tallest Snow Beast ever created.

After all, anybody can build an igloo, and anybody can build a three-part snowman... but none of you fuckers could build Gigantimus... who by the way owns you all.

(I'll post pictures later - provided James can show me how to upload them.)

more snow updates

next row we'll cut the hole in to get inside. we've been jumping over it to get inside to posisition the blocks so far.

=============
MORE VIDEOS!
=============
the most uneventfull sledding, ever in the history of man
"You suck James, You suck." - so says michael
"Dude, I'm going to sled into that tree!"
Michael reiterates : " YOU SUCK JAMES. "
The POHLEESE come by and do their job " hey dont sled on the hill " - we do anyway.
This is what happens when you bring the camera with you down the hill - it breaks.

Yup. thats that.

====================
POST EDITED

Ok here is the deal - after a good pal of mine that I've known online for about a year or two heard that I got jenked over by my hosting and that the slugs were going to hell in a hand basket he said he would have none of it. He said "hay you want some free hosting?" and I said sure - so here we are. Now you've got two choices - one, you can just IM him on AIM (SN: LecherousJester) and you tell that motherfucker thanks for the free hosting - or you can fireup your paypal account and paypal him a good 5 or 3,000 dollars for good measure (paypal:paypal@genericwebhost.com) - he really says it isn't necissary but hey, good for the goose is good for the gander you know? Look forward to brand-spankin new possibilities and if you ever need space to host a website of your own, or know someone who needs hosting - send them the way of http://www.genericwebhost.com/ - and I will be doing the same. We've become walking advertisements for his hosting service. mwa haha.
====================

Dark City?

What the shit is people's preoccupation with this shitty movie?
Jesus H. Christ - sure I have to give you the first half of the film is not entirely bad,
but the ending with people flying around? I scoffed at it then and I will scoff at it now.

That I will forgive you for, but what absolutely cannot be forgiven is " The Crow "
Having recently seen this cuntfest of a movie I have to tell you that there was a reason I avoided seeing it.
The reason being that all graphic novel to movie films suck ass.
Remember THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN? - yeah I figured you would.
The Crow has to be the biggest " OMG BRANDON LEE SO HOT OMG " shitfest of a film I've ever seen.
EVERYTHING THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS TO SAY IS PROFOUND AND CONTRIVED WIT

And I dont know about you, but I can only see shitty "look he runs, omg he fell off a building" and "look the crow flies through fake-city!" special effects for so long. Classic films can withold the test of time - which means that their OUT OF DATE special effects don't feel like you're gnashing sand paper against your eyeballs. BLADERUNNER's special effects didn't make me want to gouge out my eyes, and it has stood the test of time - you want to know why fucking THE CROW is so heralded?

1. someone died - oh boo hoo
2. omg brandon lee so hot omg
3. shitty goth-fucks and their shitty lives thinking that " LOVE CONQUERS ALL" and that "EVERYONCE IN AWHILE THEY COME BACK TO MAKE RIGHT THE THINGS WRONG" - which absolutely pissed me off that Dr. Shitsville Crow-man has this "high moral ground" which he stands on and is able to take retribution out on the oh-so-terrible badguys who LAID A FINGER ON HIS GIRL, DAWG - and raped that cunt like she deserved. You don't live in slums, complain, and figure "oh no nothing bad will happen to me at all. " I was compelled more by the love scenes in fucking ROB ROY. Don't make me laugh. SHELLY!!!!!!! indeed.
4. the soundtrack. lets gather together a bunch of popular musicians to make a soundtrack for this shitty film. I remember that being one of the big 'catches' in its day - that all these cool and super musicians banded together to make the score. You know what - the soundtrack fucking blows. You're going to defend it, aren't you? " BUT NINE INCH NAILS WAS ON IT " - the song was such a minor piece of shit that I wouldn't even call it Reznor. It's only close-to-saving grace is there is a RATM song on it, and RATM will always rule.
5. but one song doesn't make up for the absolute total lack of character development whatsoever. They trick you with a side story about a girl and her drug-fucked mother of a whore. oh shit wait I almost forgot the CONSTANT REOCCURING HUMOR where Eric Draven ( BRANDON LEE OMG SO HOT OMG ) continually tells EVERYONE AROUND HIM that DRUGS ARE BAD and THEY WILL KILL YOU when in fact he ONE OF THE UNDEAD who is BACK TO KILL PEOPLE - DO YOU NOT GET THE FUCKING HUMOR? THAT IS COMEDY GOLD The D.A.R.E. U.N.D.E.A.D.
6. Wait dude, you cant say this movie sucks. LOOK AT THE MAIN CHARACTER HE IS A ROCK STAR MUSICIAN. Oh yes, dont forget it - and they wont let you. Spliced inbetween the "but mommy your a whore!" scenes of the young girl and the "hey duders im a black man and i am a police officer" you get ERIC DRAVEN ROCKING OUT on rooftops. Then right before the 'climatic ending' ( read shitty gun fight ) - he belts out these awesome electrical guitar riffs that made me want to puke. I forgot that when you're back from the dead to kill the men who murdered you and raped/murdered your wife that you have to channel your anguish through your trusty eletrical guitar on top of rooftops under the moon. yeah.
7. Brandon Lee cannot act his way through a wet paper sack in a hurricane, underwater. I haven't seen any of his other films, if there are any other films - but let me tell you that this motherfucker is as bad as an actor as someone like, oh, VERN FONK. That's right. Did I feel his anguish at all? No. I couldn't get past his smug " hey duders im brandon lee " demeanor. He is about as good at acting like he is anguished as fucking KEANU REEVES is as good at acting like he was angry in Much Ado About Nothing.
8. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE SHITTY " HAY LETS PAINT MY FACE LIKE THAT OF TRAGEDY " BULLSHIT? IT IS NOT INTIMIDATING AND DOES NOT STRIKE FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN. IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING PANZY.

I cannot for the life of me stand that movie.
It reminds me of what would happen if, somehow, steven and andy were melded into one - and andy started writing goth poetry.
Thats how the dialogue goes throughout the whole film.
So do not give me that crap about how the crow is such a great film - because I think your bullshitting.


MISERY

[Live!]

*I just noticed that live can be said two ways, which kinda sucks if you don't know the one I was thinking of.*

I'm pretty sure Jimmy knows this and was making some point... actually i figured a potential point... but still, for those that actually don't know:

There is an Alien 4... only its called Alien Resurrection. I remember cause for several reasons, one of which because they made a South Park episode where they poke fun at this movie... well a part of it.

They bring back Ridley, or whatever her name is... Ripley, yeah that's it. Ridley is the badguy from the Metriod series (which rocks, in terms of great SCI-FI games - but i won't get into that here).

So yeah... most thought it was a dissapointment, as they did with Alien 3. Of course, lots of people thought the CGI of the Alien swimming in water was cool... i think it even got some sort of nomination or something... i don't know... i didn't feel like doing RESEARCH so if some of you take offense should I be wrong on this fact... you can try to kill me with a toothpick. (If so, please make it a mint one.)

So Jimmy should have said, "Man they need to make an Alien 5" - provided again that he didn't remember Alien 4, which i doubt.

Now for those of you who don't know... they are actually making an Alien Vs. Predator, which i suppose makes that the Alien 5 (and simultaneously making it Predator 3). So then they are fulfilling Jimmy's wish...

but you know that will suck. Well those of you who didn't know they are making Alien Vs. Predator probably don't know that, but those of you who did know that it will suck. Don't believe me... check out the teaser for it on the Apple Quicktime Movie Trailer site... (too lazy to post link) or one of the other multitudes of Trailer sites. If you don't think it's gonna suck after that...

I feel sorry for your souls.

For those of you too lazy to check it... let me give you a brief: They set up the story whereas the Pyramids were built by the Predators. Yeeup. Not by Egyptian slaves, not by Pharoahs, not by gods, not by that crazy alien kid from Stargate, but by the Predators.

And the Predators use them as ceremonial hunting grounds, such that when a Predator Teen, a Teenator(TM-jeff), wants to become a Predator Man, he, or she i suppose - though imagine the ugly mug on that female predator... i bet no matter how smart you are you can't kill that with a toothpick, or a pinkie - has to go and hunt and kill Aliens. Further, apparently Aliens have been to Earth... at least logically you'd think so since there are Pyramids here, and Predators hunt Aliens... (the trailer sure made it sound that way - mind you of course that's if they stick to Paul Anderson's idea for the movie. fyi, he made Resident Evil).

I don't know, but if you have seen Alien Resurrection, and I think Alien 3, then you know that the whole big deal was that Alien's had never been to Earth and that it could mean doom if they made it there... you know, cause they breed like bitches...

So for this director to come and say, oh yeah Aliens have been here and they are here again and blah blah blah... rather saps the reasoning out of the last two movies.

I'm not against the idea of an Alien Versus Predator movie, I'm against the idea of a piece of shit Alien Versus Predator movie. And you'd better believe that this one will probably be just that.

Damn, why couldn't they have just made a good new Predator movie. Damn.

Anyway, I got lost as to where I was going. So yeah, "Man they need to make an Alien 6".

[The "Fuck-You's" for 2004]

I forgot how fun it can be to piss people off and to have people pissed off with you...

So something fun for all the kiddies to read:

Jeff's Spectacular, Grandiose, and Awesome Fuck You List 2004 ed.

• Fuck you James Collins for having an alien in your throat that used to scare me in high school!


• Fuck you James Nicholas Miller for your thirteen planes in China and your going off to be with the Frozen Hotties of the Tundra!


• Fuck you Aaron Dono.... for not having a last name that I can remember, and for being called the Replacement Jeff after I left Bethel.


• Fuck you Michael Collins because you look like a younger James Collins.


• Fuck you Nicholas Bradbury for being taller than me and having the new iPod... and for having a computer that never breaks on you.


• Fuck you Bonnie Seaborn for having a name like Bonnie. Why couldn't it be La-quesha, thus giving me something funny to laugh at everytime I see your name in my cell phone.


• Fuck you Steven Pearson because I could not remember if its actually Pierson or Pearson or some other combination of alphabet letters. And because you gave us all nasty images of you and Andy in a foursome.


• Fuck you Andy Wegener for not reading the board and making this "Fuck You" nearly meaningless.


• Fuck you Chrissie Himes for being short but not asian, making the belief that I had in my mind that all short people are inherently asian not true.


• Fuck you Napster because I can't remember your real name right now, and because you still use an SN referring to an old file-swapping program that no longer exists in its true form, but instead some cooperate skin.


• Fuck you Heather Taylor for having a father who could kill me with his pinkie.


• Fuck you Zach because I cannot remember your last name but I could remember Brice's. And because you have the most toxic farts of anybody I have ever met.


• Fuck you Brice Wick because I can remember your last name and its Wick!


• Fuck you Joseph Macauley because you have never actually gotten mad enough to devour someone in front of me or Jimmy, giving us some new material for a comic book.


• Fuck you Bullrabbit because I actually don't know you but still was dragged to meet you once in Seattle.


• Fuck you Anthony because you were actually insane enough to agree to live with James Collins.

Well, that about wraps up this love-fest.

Back to the resumés.

[literal]

Hahahehehaha

Who'd have thought anyone would have even read a post i wrote while half-asleep watching the news.

It's funny cause the post I originally intended to write was about how the Crocodile Hunter was feeding crocodiles with one hand and holding his newborn in the other... and how that's why he's still around... because if the croc decides to get wild, he can throw babies at it!

Then I thought, nah, the mental image of the great army of Hallmark rising up against the NRA just seemed more visually funny. You know, "Happy Birthday BITCHES!" as Hallmark crushes the gun-toters.

Plus, I also thought, its kinda funny that a card company that wishes people to get well would be considered anyone's enemy... even though in the back of my mind I figured that there must be a reason... that the NRA couldn't just be full of idiots with guns... i mean that would be senseless... and senselessness in America... why that's just unheard of. I mean of course I know Hallmark is a huge cooperation and prolly have the resources to kill off my entire family and deport me to the moon no questions asked...

But did i take that seriously... HAHA.

Anyway, that being that

for the sake of novelty, and cause running of the bulls is just to darn tame... i say,

Fuck you Heather, I'll take on your gun totin' daddy anyday!

(knowing full well that I will prolly die within a half second of coming into his gun sights :P)

((take as seriously as you wish))

time for resumés

I read heather's post and halfway through thought to myself " god damnit jeff, whats with all the bullshit research? whoop de do - you can pull facts out of your ass " and was fully prepared to post " god damnit jeff, whats with all the bullshit research? whoop de do - you can pull facts out of your ass " - but then I got to the " also, my daddy " part and was somewhat confused ( I must have overlooked the initial " My Daddy " in the second paragraph ) - and thought to myself : " what the fuck? "

And then I scrolled down and found that it was, in fact, Heather who posted the bullshit research ala Rosie O'Donnel and so forth.
So . . .

God damnit Heather, whats with all the bullshit research? Whoop de do - you can pull facts out of your ass.

I long ago learned, with the help of Jimmoi, that facts within themselves are meaningless and most often than not, contrived and presented in a manner which will always make the person presenting the facts "in the right" - It is why I never joined debate and it is why I have stopped watching the news. You can take a cue from Aarons oh-so-heralded, and lost, film " THE BIG KAHUNA about everyone being an advertising platform for something or another, be it religion, idealism, or products in which one sells. So I gave up on facts. Everything can be perceived a different way. In fact I gave up on tons of things.

I'm sure you were there right on the pulse of America, Heather, oogling over Rosie O'Donnel and the fact that she was being entirely human in the idea that people who can injure her family should not have guns but her protectors should. Whoop. De. Do. America is full of shits who all strive and lust for tolitalitarianism as long as they are the ones making the rules. Finger pointing sons of bitches who tattle on eachother when they think someone else has an advantage over them.

The jury cries : " WHERE ARE YOUR FACTS TO PROVE SUCH! "

I'll be the first to say that I dislike organizations. Be it organized religion, or the ever-so-glorified National Rifle Association. To say that I agree with one person, more less, a group of people is preposterous as it is pretentious. Everyone has a different take on every idiosyncratic nuance of life and given parameters and isntances will sway from those ideals. So here is my fact : Anyone related to the National Rifle Association is a pussy, a big fucking faggot. How do you like them apples?

You know who else is a big loser from Shitsville, a small town outside the city of IDIOTOWN? Randy Weaver and David Koresh - but why James, why are these people stickfuckers and ballfaced morons? Because I dont know who they are thats why. They have no affect on my life so I don't bother giving a living shit about who they are.

The analysts cry : " But James, They do affect your life! What if the decisions they make...." blah blah blah. I don't care.

I could waste my time by going to this site or this one and read up about Randy Weaver or David Koresh but I won't because I don't care. I've never claimed to be intelligent, and that is my saving grace.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ALL OF THIS?!


Britney Spears got married in Las Vegas!
To a childhood friend of hers!
As a joke!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She wore a baseball cap and jeans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And they didn't even know that you needed a marriage liscense to get married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS.
and pinkie.
the joke was that your father could kill jeff with his pinkie.
this is when I braved going to your house to pick you up when we were "dating"
and jeff gave me a ride and he said he was going to stay in the car because he didnt know how your father would react
because I told jeff that your father was a crazy green beret who, might, in a fit of rage attack him for being guamanian.

" NUMMER WON, THE INTIMIDATOR! "

Hey, Jeff -

Where can I find that article? It's nice to see their enemies, but I'd like to know why they made the list.

My Daddy, the smartest man in the world, tells me that a few years ago, Rosie O'Donnel made that list. There was the same slack-jawed reaction - "Why would she make that list? I mean, she's annoying, but come on!" Now, what the uninformed public didn't realize was that Rosie O'Donnel was an open advocate, going even so far as to lobby before the entire congress, of a complete gun ban. She supported a full, comprehensive, one hundred percent ban on all guns; and, in her day, she was among the most influential television personalities of the time. She had the ability to sway the masses in ways unavailbale to the NRA.

Meanwhile, she had a personal body guard, several nannies, and a large potion of her security staff armed with the very guns she was advotating a ban on. and they had them at all times. Isn't it ironic that the only people she thought should not have guns were the ones not protecting her family.

The NRA, by the way, also happens to teach the largest number of gun safety educational services in the entire country. While it was a joke as presented on The Family Guy, they do in fact teach a number of classes to younger children about the consequences if the misuse of guns.

Furthermore, they are the only major political action committee that advocates mandatory life sentences for any criminal convicted of using a gun while commiting a criminal act.

Britney Spears does, admittedly, appear to be a somewhat less than lofty foe to take on the NRA - but I think your post could be infinately more effective if it were an informed bust on the NRA.

Also, my Daddy is not a member of the NRA - in fact, he has not supported them since George Bush, Sr. withdrew from the organization following their right - wing support of Randy Weaver and David Koresh. If you don't know who these people are, research that while you're pulling your head out of your ignorant ass (compliments of Master Sergent Taylor)and get informed.

I told you my Daddy was the smartest man in the world.

Heather.

P.S. Who needs a gun? my Daddy can still kill your pansy ass with a toothpick.

[The NRA Pities you!]

So... in the realm of the completely funny ass insane...
The NRA has chosen the Methodist Baptist Church and Britney Spears, and HALLMARK CARDS as a part of its top 10 or 15 list of enemies.

Hahahahahaha...

I'm sorry, maybe i'm the only one who finds this funny. But c'mon. It's the NRA... the NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION... and their greatest enemy is none other than Britney Spears?

Now i myself have said she is evil... but i didn't really regard her as a threat, and I don't have a collection of assault rifles ready to be used to hunt squirrel.

And Hallmark? Now that's just as ridiculous as that time i posted about the evilness of Wallabies. I mean... seriously. The only difference was that I was obviously not serious, but just posting...

... I don't know... i think somewhere along the way I stepped into this alternate reality of stupidity.

update

another note - when you're outside in the snow and its sunny, be sure to wear sunglasses.
because little do you know that you're retinas are being burned alive.
I came back in and everything was tinted red.
I was pretty blind. it sucked.

[electrasol]

Hehehe, you gotta love the way zach-o surmises his thoughts on a post.

That said, I'd have to say that paintball during the snow, with igloos...
man that would fuckin' rock.

One day, when I have lots and lots of money, i'll pay for us to take a charter flight somewhere with lots of snow, where people have already set up igloos, and it will rock. A good time will be had by all.

I'm tired, and I still have a dozen more resumés to write up. Blech.

3pm
harder than you think.






5pm




6pm

[Job Huntin']

Heh, steve-o does seem in an elevated sort of mood. Maybe one day i'll break down and say meds are okay for me...

but i still don't like 'em right now. It's a personal preference thing, not an attack on anybody.

I heard a funny story on Headline News a couple days ago about a guy who walked into a fast food restaurant and robbed the place, and on his way out accidently, and unknowingly, dropped an application completely filled out with his personal info.

The cops were able to catch him easily.

Now, you might think that was the funny part. I can see why. I could even relate to doing something stupid like that.

But to me, the funny part was that it took place in Texas, and the fast food place was a Whataburger!

Man, that's classic. I remember living in Texas and going there. I don't remember much about it now, other than the color scheme of the joint was some weird brown and orange thing... like it was ripped straight out of the seventies. Manoman, good place though. I remember the burgers being pretty damn good.

Fuckin' good actually. Yummm, it'd be nice to have a Whataburger! burger right about now.

Of course, they don't like it when you eat in the library, especially so close to the computers... facists.

Ahem, so yeah, that was funny. Funny and nostalgic.

I have more to say, but I'll save it for a later post. Oh, and Mr. Collins, how do you upload pictures if you don't have your own personal webspace, cause I've had lots of good ones, but no chance to post them.

... FIFTH POST RULES!

[SECOND POST OF 2004!]

This would have been first post, but Jimmy posted with some link, which i have yet to see what it is, robbing me of first post of 2004. Bastard. So then i thought, fuck it - someone else will post. But alas, it's 10:52, and no second post...

So second post is mine!!!

Let's see... what else...

Oh yeah, New Year's. Meh. Felt really lame this year. Nothing fun, nothing exciting. Played some pool and drank some beer. Watched a televised New York ball dropping.

This year is off to a fantastic start.

Oh well, at least I got SECOND POST OF THE YEAR!

[S.NoW]

You know what sucks... what sucks is when asian-alaskans call you, but because you were on the phone with someone else, or because you can't make it to the phone, they decide not to leave a message or try calling back later.

Damn you jimmoi. Damn you and you being asleep right now.

In other news... I am bored out of my mind. Nothing to do here... and I can't get ahold of anybody. Justin and Breanna are out... Jimmy's in alaska... haven't tried James yet, but he usually is sleeping these days.

What is wrong with all you and your need for sleep? I hate you all.

This post is going nowhere, and I had such a good idea for a post too. Bah, this is definitely turning into the type of posts that I hate.

oh and... snow rocks. Yes it does. Those of you who can't drive when its snowing... you all just suck at driving. :P See how i make grandiose generalizations like that. Snow is great. It cools things down... like... hot things. And people can snowboard on it. Yeah...

Now i know some of you are saying... "you can't snowboard on three inches of snow in your backyard". To those of you, i say, "have you actually tried it?!"

Exactly.

To the others who are saying, "snowboarding is gay", i say...

well...

"you are gay".

Keep 'em comin' you bastards.

SNOW RULES

[Correction]

So Jimmy pointed out to me that it was actually Steve-o that first brought up the whole topic of a naked Steve and Andy, so my apologies to Bonnie and James...

... though i still imagine that 1) the army would warp anybody's line of thought given enough time, and 2) James didn't mind thinking of naked Andy and Steve.

That being that, I was thinking of top-five lists of things because I got into a conversation of top five Sci-fi movies with Jimmy and so that has been etched into my mind for some time. So that being that... I decided to make a top five list of inventions that have changed man:

• Top Invention Number 5- "The Microscope": It changed the way science was done. In fact, really it made science. It made the general populous jump from cutting rabbits feet off for good luck to killing bacteria.
  
• Top Invention Number 4- "The Wheel": Cliché but definitely true. Whoever has a car, I'd like to see you argue this one.
  
• Top Invention Number 3- "The Computer": Probably the most influential invention of the previous century. They are in thousands of homes now... and if you're the Collins family, then they are practically in every room of the house. One day I'm gonna go visit and Michael will be playing Starcraft Five: The Super-Zerg Agenda in the bathroom.
  
• Top Invention Number 2- "The Camera": I thought about putting the videocamera, but really that's just an extention of the camera. Picture takin' rocks... and everyone does it. And there's something about looking at a picture that's fifteen years old of stuff you just don't remember. Pictures carry weight.
  
• Top Invention Number 1- "The Telephone": I think, personally, it's the best invention. Or at least the most influential. You can talk to people hundreds and thousands of miles away. We can talk to people in space. I can call James and say, "pick me up from the busstop bitch", and he'll say, "tza!". Don't you see!? Wonderful.
  

Meh, I must be bored. Only people who are bored or psychotic make top five lists. Just look at High Fidelity.

I'm done here.

[Graphics Galore]

Wow, I didn't really expect anybody to follow up on that whole badguy list, mostly cause I figured the board stopped getting readers. Now, I didn't actually think some of those belonged on my list, and some did. Koopa, nah, not really...

But who could deny the Joker? Seriously, the guy was fucked up, and if you were to go based on kill amounts alone, then he's up there. So is Darth Vader, whatever you all might think. Like was pointed out, he ran the Death Star! He was prepared over and over again to kill billions upon billions of people. Just because he was forgiven in the last five minutes of the movie, that doesn't mean anything. If anything, he should be given more credit, because he managed to avoid the Star Wars version of Hell after killing billions of people. The guy was an EVIL GENIUS.

Mr. Burns. I actually thought about him and the Predator, but in both cases, they seemed to switch between the bad guy and good guy roles. Predator in Predator I was an awesome badguy... but in Predator II he was more a "lethal enforcer". Mr. Burns was just greedy. I don't know if that counts in of itself.

And Hans Gruber. Okay, that guy rocked. Hands down he was awesome... definitely should have thought of him...

Of course, when you consider that I put together the post in five minutes on the spur of the moment after finishing a game of Mario Kart, I think I did okay.

That all being said... I had a bunch more to post, but I don't remember what it was.

OOOh yeah... so apparently one of three things possibly happened yesterday.

First, the backstory:

I went out to go to Target. I went out to get some shaver blades for my razor because I needed them. Yay, interesting. Then I bought trash bags because the house needed them. Then I pondered for awhile about buying a video game. I didn't. Then I pondered about buying a movie. I didn't. Then I went to Best Buy. I pondered the video game again. I didn't buy it. The movie. I ended up buying two: Chasing Amy and High Fidelity. I like them, what can I say.

Then I decided to go home. I go home. I unlock the door and go to my room. And what do my wondering eyes behold but 12 small red tinsel trees lining my room, and a larger 13th tree, red tinsel, above my bed. I think. I go to my roommate Ginny and talk to her. She says she didn't know about it, but that she saw a tall-ish blonde girl wearing a white snow-jacket with pink stripes walking around the house and in my room. She had blonde hair. She didn't get her name. Other roomates were then asked. Nobody knew anything. Some weren't home at the time, others locked away in their room. Result: I have 13 red tinsel trees in my room, the origins of which are still unknown to me.

So this leaves me to wonder... what is going on. And now to my three theories:

• Theory Number 1: The Roommate Conspiracy: It is entirely possible that one or more of my roommates are lying about the whole red tree thing, and that they did it as some sort of Christmas-joke. I could see them doing that... or at the very least, I wouldn't put it past them. However, obviously by looking at the trees, someone had to buy them, first of all, and go through extra effort of setting them up to be placed around my room. Now this clashes with most of my roommates, who can be lazy and whom I couldn't see spending that much money on some random Christmas-joke... at least not without some good reason.
  
  
• Theory Number 2: The Mistaken Room: Now it is also quite possible that my room was simply mistaken for someone else's room. Certainly it is possible because while each of us have friends, each of our friends may not know exactly which room belongs to which person. It is possible that my room was mistaken for Joe's (asian, some of you know him), or Allen's (asian, again, some of you might know him - mostly jimmy). However, despite the plausibility and likelihood of this possibility, it seems a little off because I have plenty of pictures of me in the room to make it seem like my room. From pictures of us all at paintball, to a couple of me or me and Kristen, it seems unlikely that someone would make that mistake.
  
  
• Theory Number 3: Secret Admirer/Friend: Now this one seems very farfetched because it just seems farfetched. Coupled with a couple of other things. While I do know of a couple of girls that are a little tall with blonde hair, none I know have white snowjackets with pink. Only two girls even fit that general description, and one of them is in Europe right now. The other doesn't know where I live, and its not likely that she would do this. It's not likely to be Kristen, because she's not tall with blonde hair. She's short with red hair. Now, it could be that she or another friend had another friend do it, but again, it seems too farfetched to be in the realm of real possibility.
  

And there you have it my friends... my quandry. As you can tell I'm both puzzled, and very... very bored such as to have posted this. But hey, at least i didn't put disturbing images of andy and steve doing sexual naked things with each other like Bonnie and James apparently like to fantasize about. James I can understand because that eight year mark is fast approaching (I know, old joke, but c'mon, it fit for its purpose)... but Bonnie? Why would you think that?

I imagine it's because of serving in the army, doing whatever she does. Maybe it snaps the human mind more than the government is willing to admit. Maybe it's those anthrax vaccines that they were originallly forcing people to take. Maybe it inducing images of andy and steve naked and touching each other. I'll have to add that to the growing list of reasons not to enter the armed forces.

say what you want about peter north,
but all in all you cannot deny that MISSION EROTICA (x) and MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS (x) were the pinnacle of cinematic achievement in 1998.

hahahaha.
I've been working on a mspaint - or maybe even flash.
with steve and andy and two girls and pool cues.
and high fives and dialogue like :


steve-o: Are you fuckin' that bitch?
( points at woman Andy is obviously fucking from the rear )
andy: Dude! I am so fuckin' this bitch!
( gives thumbs up )
( steve slaps andy's ass )
steve-o: TAG OUT! SWITCH!
( steve and andy both hobble from their respective 'chicas' who both smile in unison )
bitch #1: Are you going to fuck me?
( bitch #1 points to herself )
andy: German Engineering, see my soldier rise to the occasion!

bitch #2: On your mark!
( both andy and steven hunch their backs )
bitch #2: Get set!
( they then wiggle their hips, making genitalia flop around with a sickening " plofph " sound )
bitch #2: Go!
( both men pounce on the women... )

you get the idea.
just you wait. i'll get around to
"The Sexual Mis-Adventures of Steven and Andy"

I keep wanting to use X T Christmas in some context or another.
But I cannot for the life of me figure something out.

So I hear there is a rave in a warehouse in seattle,
called X T Christmas.

I don't know I got nothin.

edit:

zak p o w: same ol bullshit
Flayme Raven: different day?
zak p o w: days no longer make any sense to me.
Flayme Raven: ?
zak p o w: you going to go to the XTCHRISTMAS RAVE?
Flayme Raven: .....
Flayme Raven: ?
Flayme Raven: assuming you didn't just make that up
zak p o w: its a HO HO HOLIDAY rave man
Flayme Raven: it'd be a dead rave
Flayme Raven: with nobody there.
Flayme Raven: ....?
zak p o w: you going to the CHRISTMAS REEFER rave?
Flayme Raven: wtf is with you?
zak p o w: I heard there was going to be a COKED UP HAUNUKA rave but its fuckin' full of jews.
zak p o w: you goin to the ANGELDUST rave?
Flayme Raven: And James, there is not rave in Seattle tonight called XTChristmas.
Flayme Raven: there is one rave that anyone will even be at
Flayme Raven: and that rave won't even have a decent number of people
Flayme Raven: so shutup.
zak p o w: THChristmas rave?
Flayme Raven: Are you getting some sort of jollies out of this? If you were actually making funny jokes -- I'd laugh at them, but you're simply being....stupid.
zak p o w: I hear they're going to play SANDSTORM at he IRAQI rave.
zak p o w: celebration catching sadam and all that
Flayme Raven: See that was almost funny
zak p o w: I really need to work on my drug culture
Flayme Raven: yes you do.
Flayme Raven: since rave is not a part of drug culture.
Flayme Raven: anymore than 'rock concert'
Flayme Raven: or 'rap battle'
zak p o w: or 'smoke out' or 'shoot up'
zak p o w: or 'hot boxing'
Flayme Raven: ....
zak p o w: sorry wrong IM window
Flayme Raven: ?
zak p o w: I was considering the SECRET SPEED SANTA rave ( S^3 )
zak p o w: but I figured the HOLIDAY HEROIN bash rave would have a higher turnout.
zak p o w: I hear there will only be alcohol at the REDFACED REINDEER rave.
zak p o w: in the end I decided I will go to the " TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND PUMP UP THE VOLUME SO WE CAN GET HIGH AND DANCE OUT OF THIS WORLD " rave.
zak p o w: but if there arent many people there I'll goto the FREEBASE THE SNOWMAN rave
zak p o w: I hear the UPPERS and DOWNERS they'll have will be colored green and red. aint that some holiday spirit.
zak p o w: oh shit - friend of mine just informed me of the ORNAMENTAL OVERDOSE rave.
zak p o w: the KETAMINE KHRISTMAS rave
Flayme Raven signed off at 11:22:59 AM.

I got him to warn me to 35%
best part of my whole damned holiday.

Bah-fucking-humbug.

cyclope45: anyway
cyclope45: im gonna go to bed
cyclope45: eat pudding
cyclope45: i love you nigga
zak p o w: lubz
zak p o w: like lugz
zak p o w: only not
zak p o w: not the shoes you know
zak p o w: like luv
zak p o w: only lub
zak p o w: but luv is slang for love see
zak p o w: and lub is slang for luv
zak p o w: see
zak p o w: get it
zak p o w: lubz
zak p o w: get it
zak p o w: dude its fucking funny
Auto response from cyclope45: shut the fuck up.

[The Cause and Effect]

You have no idea how hard it is to post when your computer doesn't work...

On the other hand, some of you might not have any idea how... "freeing" it is to not have your computer work.

Anyway, I was thinking today... as i always do... and today's thought came to the idea of Villains.

That's right... the good ol' badguy. And I thought... wow, good badguys are hard to find. After all, the world needs badguys. Without badguys, we'd have no goodguys. Without badguys, we wouldn't have hour-plus long movies that bring us to such highs and lows, making us wonder... will the goodguy really win?

Anyway, to that end, I have composed a list of the top five Villains of all time, in reverse order:

• King Bowser Koopa [Super Mario Brothers/NINTENDO]: That's right... the King of all evil turtles, and the constant nemesis to Mario and Luigi. He first made his appearance in the Super Mario Brothers game of the old 8-bit Nintendo system, and since then he has appeared in subsequent sequels. In most every game he has appeared in, he has been the major villain. Each time, he captures the Princess and makes it extremely difficult for Mario to get her back. In the first game, he managed to tangle with Mario/Luigi eight times, seven of which he always managed to escape. Boswer was such a villain that at one point he even employed his children to do his dirty work.



• "John Doe" [Seven]: One of the best all-time villains, partly because of his creativity and style, partly because of his intellect, and partly because of the way he interacted with the detectives searching for him. He was always in control, always one step ahead of them. He had a plan so well thought-out that he managed to get himself arrested and still affect his last two "victims".



• Agent Smith [The Matrix I, II, III]: Love the Matrix, Hate the Matrix, it doesn't really matter. One of the only redeeming qualities of the Matrix movies is Hugo Weaving's Agent Smith. The very way Smith holds himself in the movie speaks of his true villainness. During much of the movie, he manages to maintain his eerie calm, even in the midst of losing. His complete disgust and contempt for the human species rises well above what you might expect from an outsider. I would almost say that his contempt for humanity is higher than most any other character out there.



• Darth Vader [Star Wars III, IV, V, VI]: Darth Vader, the single most evil man the entire empire ever created. Watching him enter a room made anybody shudder. He was the man responsible for the near complete destruction of the Jedi. He was instrumental in the collapse of the Republic. His presence was necessary for the Emperor to truly come to power. Who wasn't afraid of Darth Vader when they saw him choke one of his generals just by looking at him?? He was willing to kill his son several times, and kill his daughter as well.



• The Joker [Batman]: The single most evil, vile villain of all time. The Joker. In any incarnation that you can remember, whether it be the movies, the cartoon, or the comics, the Joker rules over all in terms of villains. Several times he tried to kill mass populations using various means: gases, bombs, nuclear weapons, etc. When he kills, he always kills with a smile, and laughs about it later. His constant interaction with Batman is one for the ages. Sometimes Joker would kill just to get Batman's attention. For him, people are tools... no, toys in a big game.

Yes, without our wonderful villains, life just wouldn't be as interesting. Why would you need Batman, Superman, Spider-man, Neo, Mario, or any of the countless others? There would be no point. Though we may despise them, you can't get rid of them. Most superheroes must understand this, because so few of them actually kill their nemeses... if they did, they'd quickly be out of a job.

I just have one thing to say:

I fuckin hate the pathetic white slime. and Steven, because if it were not for Steven, I would know nothing of his existence.

I will try to post my picture.



James, please fix my picture.

So I found myself wondering: why would someone fuck a horse; why would you think to make a porno out of it; how would you go about it?

You get yourself a couple of skanky porn queens, because everyone knows regular non-skanky porn queens wouldn't fuck a horse - they do have standards after all. You drive around in the country for a while until you see the perfect porn-star horse. Go up with skanky porn queens, camera crew, etc. and knock on the farmers door:

Porn Producer: "Uh, hey, can we, uh...borrow your horse for, uh, an hour or so?"

Farmer Bill: "What?"

PP: "Yeah, just, uh, need to, uh, get some footage for our, um...documentary."

FB: "What the fuck...?!?!?!"

PP: "We're with the, um, uh...Discovery Channel"

FB: "Well, I reckon..."

PP: "Good, um, it would be great if you didn't, uh, watch, for, um...authenticity"

FB: "..."

PP: "Say, that's a 'he' horse, isn't it?"

FB: "Yeah..."

PP: "Good..."

FB: "You're not gonna hurt him now..."

PP: "No, I imagine he'll quite enjoy it."

FB: "Wha.."

PP: "Here's an old gym bag full of money."

Okay, I'm pathetic.
Here's the story:

I'm now starting to reap the benefits of getting paid a third less. I'm off until January 5th. Not on vacation, I just don't need to show up. Not contracted to work those days. But I'm fucking bored. I've been off work exactly four hours; drank three beers (by myself), talked to my mom on the phone (she called-just started a new, shitty job and needs someone to talk to about it. My dad's no help because he hates his job and takes every chance he gets to bitch about it), and read some Poe (Murders of the Rue Morgue).

Starting off a holiday boring. At this rate, I'll be going to work Monday just for something to do. My boss: "What the hell are you doing here?" Me: "Ran out of beer, watched all the good porn, need something to do."

Proof that the French (which compose a whole 16th of my genetic makeup) are fucked up: "Rue Morgue." "Mortuary Street." Who the fuck names a street "Mortuary Street?" Weird bastards. Although, the statue they gave us does kick ass.

Jimmoi, you need to get your right-wing asian ass on a plane down here.

We got some beer to drink and discussions to have.

Speaking of planes, I've decided to go to Europe this spring. Why not? It's only money. Figure I'll start with the United Kingdom, for two reasons:

1) I speak the language.
2) I know a Brit.


Fuckit. Time for a shower and some prescription pain killers.

I am finally compelled to post - but post of what? As of late I've had nothing to say. I didn't even have a response to Bradbury's comment about my persona under the effects of intoxication. Mind you - I wasn't piss drunk / scratch that - all I can remember is popcorn, a nice waiterman, and doughnuts. Let's go on a side tangent shall we ( reguardless of the fact that I still haven't stated a specific direction for this )

A little something about my first time at a bar

Well you see the thing is I'd never been to a bar, and after my first beer bonging I was saying to myself " well it is a night of firsts " - and no, I don't mean I was thinking of anal sex because I've gone down that road long long ago - I'm talking about bars. We met up with Bradbury at sharis - the one that doesn't allow smoking, where everyone who we " use to know " worked there - but now they don't so the shitty food isn't worth the shitty service. I now frequent the Shari's which allows smoking - they have a tad bit more "somber" feeling to them at 3am on a wednesday, and the regular service there already "knows" me a little bit. In any event : So after the waitress sat us down in a booth where she had to REMOVE THE WOODEN WALL FROM ( when on the other side of the resturant there was clearly empty four-person booths ) - I turned to Bradbury and said : hay, you wanna just blow this place and goto a bar?

He was hesitant at first, but after awhile when nobody showed up on time were were out of there like a chocolate cake that grew legs and a mind finding itself in the center of a fat-woman's home on a friday night. We showed up and this guy whom all I remember about him was " nice " served us beers - and I've come to actually crave the taste of guiness now : so when jim-bo gets down here we're definately going to have some dark-ales. For some damn odd reason now everytime I smell second hand smoke I have an unsatiable urge for a White Russian / Caucasian. Man thems some good drinks, we'll have to have a shitpile of those too. Anywho I've gotten bored of my bar story now.

You dig my blockquote? Yeah I've been using them a lot as of late, damn you Jeff. I have decided that the reason that the board is seeing so much activity is because of Christmas. Everyone is in some god-awful holiday spirit and feel the need to communicate their happiness and joy to eachother. May I be the first to wish you all a terrible christmas, I mean it. I hope your presents are ones that you dont want, and if you do get what you want - that you forget to buy batteries and you cannot use them until some good time into the next year because every store you goto will have sold out of batteries. I hope the food you eat on christmas gives you some sort of rot-gut and you have to go to the hospital and they'll diagnose you with rot-gut cancer and say you'll only have until 2 months into the next year so you better hope some store gets some batteries. Then I hope you find yourself sexually impotent because of the rot-gut and unable to sexually perform because thats all that matters in the world is if you have sex or not. Thats right, thats what sort of holiday cheer I have for you.

And anyone who knows me knows that I'm all talk. That I'm a real nice guy. I forgive people easily and don't hold grudges. I give of my own freely ( unless it's bacon. Bacon is something else, mang ) - and when someone asks me for help, or well someone I know asks me for help, I am more than happy to ablige. There are those in the world who call me an asshole, that I do not know how to treat my friends, or that I am cold, emotionless and heartless. To these people I say you have no sense of humor, and that you deserve the fatuous bullshit filled lives you manifest onto yourselves. Those who get along with me are those who will find the humor in a man who survives three wars as a war veteran only to be run down by a sixteen year old in a van while he goes to check his mail. The sort to find humor in a young woman who loses her legs after a violent rape incident but little did the rapist know was that she had AIDS from being a prostitute, and prostitutes without legs make more money off of men with fetishes for paraplegic women : so who really got raped? The kind who will laugh at you when things are going bad for you, when you've lost all hope, and when you're having a really shitty day, but who'll help you get your mind off it all.

Shit I'm on another tangent.
Moving on.

...

Shit I've suddenly lost interest in writing anything.
One last bit - When Jimmoi comes down he's expressed interest in a paintball game.
I've talked to pinkos (and her current girlfriend ), jeff, bradbury, napster, michael, and aaron who all have showed interest in joining.

I plan to contact Mr. R, Drew, Mike Rigney, Justin/Breanna, jOe, Steven, Bonnie, and D.T. to see if they'd be interested.
Hopefully if anyone remembers " The target crew " members - see if they'd be interested as well.

meh. im going to sleep.

[How is eight tentacles really better than two arms?]

Hahahah, that was great Jimmy... really great. Where did you find that and do you know if it's true?

Ahhh... excellent.

So yeah, I'm officially done working at the one job that I'd been working at for the last two years. Wow... times flies and all that cliché stuff. I will say though that I did enjoy it, and you feel weird when you leave a job that you actually liked. I remember when I left Target I couldn't contain my glee. I mean, I was leaving Target. I was leaving Target and I was moving on up to UW.

Now it's different though. I'm out of UW and I'm leaving a job associated with UW. It's weird cause I've defined the last couple of years of my life as a college student. Now I'm not that anymore. Meh. Not that any of you bastards care. No... too busy to take time out of your box-makin' lives to care.

Especially you Michael Collins. EVERY STEP!

The cool thing is everyone threw me this going away party... felt weird being the only one under thirty there... potentially I think I was the only one under fourty... but hey, they were all cool, and they gave me a bunch of money as a Christmas gift. Weird when people do that. Not money per se... but when they get you something when you don't expect it.

I think I'm gonna start doing that... giving gifts to people who don't expect it. Instead of all you.

Yes... especially since all James got me one year was a weird Shark thing that when you pulled the string the shark came chomping up the string after a half-eaten man.

WTF was that?!

Hehehe, you guys are great. I still have that shark thing... how funny is that? That and the gay-transgendered Power Ranger. I can't find all of his helmet though... but i still got'em.

Hurry up and get back Jimmy.

[Lazer Tag]

Hmmm, yeah, it does sound interesting in that way that actions movies sound interesting. And it has Kate Beckinsale... and she is hot. Not just hot, but HOT. Maybe it's the british accent. You know, that's the real reason we came to their rescue back during WWII.

And damnit, everyone is seeing Return of the King but me... you fucks. Oh well, I read the book anyway, so I know how it ends... it's not like Peter Jackson is gonna change it on me. It's not like I find out that Frodo decides to keep the ring, puts it on, and becomes Lex Luthor, in the most insane crossever ever.

Heh, i wonder would Tolkien would do if that ever happened to his story... i mean if he were alive.

Unless he is resurrected in that new movie starring Hugh Jackman... and the only way Hugh Jackman can save the day is poppin' out with his claws and ripping Tolkien a new one.

... stop giving me that look you bastards.

It's it interesting how I've actually begun posting more now that my laptop has decided to bite it. Bah. Not that it's completely dead. Rather, I just have a thousand dollar twenty gig hard drive. Oh well, that's what I get for not buying a laptop bag and just carryin' it around in my backpack that I've had for four years.

Oh and here's something interesting for those of you who don't watch the news... (strangely I've started doing that more often as well. I think something is seriously wrong with me.) Michael Jackson decided to become Islamic last night.

Which brings me to my great idea for December:
If I ever become super wealthy and famous, I'm going to do odd and erratic things. For example, I'll randomly change my name to various things like: Joe Kickass (yes I stole it from the Simpsons, but they aren't real so ha!), Reginald Winters, Luke Groundwalker, and "The Psychologist formerly known as Luke Groundwalker".

I will also begin dangling cats out of high-story windows... Cats are funnier to watch dangling than are children, at least in my opinion.

Because when you think about it, people are going to remember Michael Jackson far more for his behavior of late than his music, not that he wasn't good.

That's all.

You know your life has taken a drastic downturn when:

A) M. Collins has a better 18th than you did.
B) Jimmoi is surrounded by more hot tail than you are.
C) You start getting spam en español.

Wait - hold on.
A) I don't remember my 18th birthday. Judging by how things usually went on a non-birthday-night-out for me in high school, I'm guessing it was pretty wild.
B) They're the Hotties of the Frozen Tundra, and I am surrounded by MILFs and hot 24-year-old teachers.
C) Spam is less annoying when you can't understand what it is they're trying to sell you.

Hmm.....

Nope, still pretty bad.

Damn you Jimmoi, you Asian Republican, you. You need to bring some of those strippers with you when you come down here. If you come down here.

But I am looking forward to a lively political debate with you in a pub somewhere. Maybe we'll have Piss-Drunk James along again.

I must say, James hammered is really quite entertaining. And I mean that in a good way. Think about how much James notices and points out life's little idiosyncrasies sober. Now, take away higher reasoning and inhibitions. Good stuff.

[IRS]

You know your life is crap when Michael Collins has a better 18th birthday out than you did when you were 18.

Damn you Michael. It will now be my life's goal to crush you at every step. EVERY STEP!

In other news...
Justin is doing okay. Not that any of you actually know, but he had some "unable to breath" problem a couple weeks back. That was the day Bonnie came by James house to visit and insisted on giving everyone hugs. Bleh. Hugs. Hugs are those things the Carebears used to kill people with. Don't be fooled. They may be called "Care"bears... but they are really Deathbears with pelts of pastel fur. Don't believe the lies.

Well anyway, I guess he went to the doctors and all they said was, "Yeah, we dont know what's wrong with you, so have an inhaler." Damn. I could be a doctor.

Anyway, he's feelin' better, so i say when Jimmy comes down for Christmas, if he does, we all get together during that week. Mucho Gusto.

And finally...

EVERY STEP Michael Collins... EVERY STEP!.

[Ask for Change]

So Michael turned 18... damn... who'd have thought that day would come. I personally thought you might die of some disease and one day when we visited Mr. J.collins, we'd see you slumped over a computer with Planetside, or whatever game it is you young'un's play nowadays...

18... meh... you'll soon find it to be a big jip, if you haven't already. All you really get to do is sign up for the draft and buy cigarettes. Look what it's done to jimmy, what with the superSMOKER that he is an all... Though i suppose it's something to do nonetheless.

Oh, and you can legally look at naked girls... like i'm sure that hasn't happened already thanks to the internet. Good ol' internet, taking away one more reason why people look forward to being 18.

I had this funny-ass picture to post, but unfortunately, I can't figure out how to do that right now, even though Jimmy told me how to. I was listening... i just didn't store it away... that and he started talking military talk - i think he was covering 'cause one of the higher-ups came into the room and he's not allowed to make them calls that he always makes.

Oh well.

Hey Bradbury, you wouldn't know how to repair defunct monitor problems would you? Or know of someone who could for a fairly reasonable price. I trust that you wouldn't ream me like most repair places would.

Bah, that's all i got for the moment.

[Pity List #4]

Before I start my rant of who should be pitied... i must apologize... for I have not posted in like a week or more because my monitor decided to go out. I suppose in reality that's my fault... my fault for stuffing my laptop in my bag crammed with a whole crap-load of other stuff (paper work, camera equipment, video tapes, etc.) Either way, I'm screwed now... because I can't use the computer... the hard drive still works, as is evidenced by the fact that I'm reading information off of it using the G5 Mac in Mary Gates Hall...

Good ol' UW Tech Fee... I knew it'd be good for something.

So now on to the fourth person who needs to be pitied... and pitied bad...

And again, as before, this is not so much a person, but persons...

this time, it's a category of person... Backers-of-the-gulity-in-the-face-of-common-sense, I call them.

Do any of you remember the story a couple of weeks ago where this 400-lb black man... and yes, before you ask, he really was four hundred pounds, according to my recollection of the story. He might be a little less, but IF i remember correctly, he was definitely above 300 pounds. Well, anyway... so this big 400-lb black guy is pulled over and the cops are prepared to arrest him for some crime, when he goes nuts and starts fighting with the cops.

In the end, the BIGman dies. And here is where my Pity fits in.

There is a whole community of people who are now crying police brutality and police crime because the BIGman died as a result of the fight between the cops. And I do mean fight. It wasn't a beating... it was a fight. The police tape seems to clearly illustrate this. Did they go a little too far... potentially... but then again... the man was 400-lbs.

And that's not all. Let's break this idiocy down a little bit.

This guy was 400-lbs of mass, filled with adrenaline, and get this... drugs... this will be important later. So this guy is zonkin' out... angry because the cops want to arrest him... and i'm sure he's wondering, "oh just what did i do wrong?"
(For information sake, I think he was driving under the influence or something... might have been speeding... don't remember). Now, a mass of 400-lbs decides to start pummeling cops. What do you do? Well, you fight back.

That's what the cops did. They fought back. Maybe they made a slight mistake by continuing to hit him while he was down... but by the looks of the tape, he wasn't exactly unconscious... he was kicking and such... and if you ANYBODY in that situation, you're adrenaline is kicked into high gear and you are fighting for survival. That means, you make sure the person who is well and above bigger than you can't get back up to knock your head in.

Seems clear cut right? Well, not so. Apparently the community of people are outraged. "YOU KILLED HIM!" they shout. Fine... they are hurt and angry and untrusting. It's prolly a community that has had problems in the past with the police... Fine. Question things... FINE. But do not... DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING: "He was such a gentle man, who never hurt anyone, and wouldn't hurt anyone... and was innocent."

No. NO NO NO. NO! I myself may or may not agree that the fight got out of hand. But the man was NOT INNOCENT. Why do people ALWAYS say that. "He was innocent!" "He was misunderstood!" He was misunderstood probably because as crime lab toxicology reports showed, he was doped up on heroin or crack. D'oh. Real innocent there. He had priors for being physically aggressive. A man that big... oooh, big surprise. He prolly has the adrenaline and testosterone levels equalling the entire state of Rhode Island. Big suprirse that he might get a little... miffed.

This are the people I pity. Pity too ignorant to realize that, while yes maybe he didn't deserve to die... neither did the cops who were doing their job. Think about it. If a 400-lb man came charging at you like a raging bull, wouldn't you do everything in your power to make sure you are safe?? Especially if he's drugged out and doesn't feel pain like a normal person would.

For those of us who know him... think of jOe. If jOe was hopped up on an overdose of heroin-laced twinkies and came lunging at us like a lunatic... who would sit there and take it? Who'd reason with him? I think Steve-o knows best what a raging jOe is like, choking the life out of you? Yea, jOe's a kind-hearted guy... but if something makes him snap... he'll kill you and you'll try to defend yourself.

For the people who were saying, "OOOH the police are evil and they hate us and they are brutal..." Think before you say stuff. Yes, some police are brutal and need to be put in check... but not every situation is another example of Police Brutality. Not every situation involving the police will end up being a Rodney King.

I really pity you.

1. Michael Moore is a fucking jackass who's idea of " debate " is knocking on someone's door at 4am in the morning and when they, disgruntled - decide to yell at him and slam the door in his face / cuts the video footage to look like they were, in fact, just reacting to " HEY DO YOU THINK THAT STARVING CHILDREN IN BOSWANIA SHOULD BE LEFT TO ROT IN THE STREETS WHERE PIGEONS FEAST ON THEIR EYEBALLS? " -- his documentary which won awards " Bowling for Columbine " didn't even fell like a fuckin' documentary, more of a propoganda film. Also : he is fat. Jimmoi should make a documentary about how fat people are fat, and the world would be a better place if we started a new national socialism government but instead of "the jewish problem" it would be "the obecity problem"

2. FUCK BUBBA HOTEP. THIS MOVIE WILL BE THE BEST CINEMATIC EVENT IN ALL OF HISTORY. OMG OMG OMG.

So explain: Why do you hate Moore?

Have you:
A) Read one of his books?
B) Seen one of his movies?
C) Heard him speak (anywhere but the Oscars)?
D) Gained any knowledge about his views/ideas aside from the badly slanted media coverage of the aforementioned Oscar fiasco?

[Jeff's Pity List #3]

Yeeup, it's that time again kiddies... time for another edition of the Pity List, as I list another person who should be Pitied for the pathetic pieces of crap that they are.

Well, this time, the foo to be a'pitying isn't one person... not even two... but three foo's to be pitied. And those fools are the cast of the News Show: "Good Day Live": Steve, Dorothy, and Jillian.

Now we all know and have come to love with a pinch o' hate the news programs that we see on Q13 Fox. And as for Jimmy, I'm sure he has some Alaskan Q13 Fox... probably with anchors that are also Frozen Hotties of the Tundra, or whatever he calls it...

... and we know just how much the news anchors on that news show sucks. We know how much I hate them. We know that rabbits on crack could do a more accurate job of reporting the news... and we know that there can be no worse news program on Earth.

WE ARE WRONG.

For the forces of evil and vileness have decided that the toxic waste of reporting put forth by Fox and Geraldo was just not enough. Now they have the program: Good Day Live.

Consider it a mix between the Fifth Wheel (if any of you have ever seen it) and Q13 Fox. The show is hosted by an old man named Steve Edwards, along with his blonde sexy co-hosts Dorothy Lucey and Jillian Barberie... both of who i would really call all that sexy. Okay okay, MAYBE Dorothy Lucey is sorta hot... but the moment her personality and lack of intellect shine through, she loses the sorta hotness and just becomes annoying.

First lets start with Mr. Steve Edwards. This guy... you have to admit has something going on for him. He's probably 90 years old... okay maybe he's not that old... but still... he's an old man who prolly has a viagra-pump hooked directly into his heart, hosting a show along side two women who are young enough to be his daughters. He tries to act cool and hip, and the scary thing is that if it weren't for his obvious age, he could probably actually pull it off.

So what's the problem with this? HE'S A NEWS ANCHOR! You aren't really supposed to be cool when you host the news. It's not in the job description for a reason. Be charming, fine. Be warm, fine. Be attractive, fine. But you're not supposed to be cool. If you're cool, then your not an unbiased or reliable source of information. Cool ? Reliable! How often do we have to learn this lesson people?!

After good ol' Steve Edwards, let's take it up a notch. Dorothy Lucey. Now, to be honest, I don't really know much about her, because of the three of them, she's the most tolerable. My remarks earlier were probably a bit harsh, but deserved since she's decided to cast her lot with these two other rejects. She's got the looks to be a good journalist: i.e. attractive and yet professional looking. Too bad that's all she's got. She at least makes the good sense judgement to remain fairly quiet on the program - at least during the few times i've seen this godforsaken show.

And then there was Jillian Barberie. Let me point out one highlight which should make it obvious why she should not be anchoring for a news program: Barberie’s talent beyond Good Day LA has earned her special appearances on various television shows. She has a recurring role as “Foxy Levin” on V.I.P. with Pamela Anderson. That was taking from her bio on the official site. FROM HER BIO!? OOooooh, aren't we special... we played a blonde bimbo on a show with PAMELA ANDERSON!! And she is now anchoring for the NEWS?! C'mon people? We might as get Carrot Top to start doing the traffic reports!

You should see this trio in action on the news. Barberie is loud and annoying and makes stupid jokes, like those seen on her "eX-treme dating" show... I sat through one of those shows... and let me tell you that along with Mi-2, that was a complete waste of my life that i'll never get back... Damn, why can't there be any good late night tv shows.

The worse thing is that supposedly this show is spreading across the US like locusts. Apparenty they started in a small town and have since grown to being show in cities all over the US. Thus, if Jimmy isn't seeing it yet in Alaska, it's only a matter of time before they hook a cable up to a moose for better reception and get this show tuned in. Oh Jimmy, I betcha can't wait.

Why oh why is this crap on TV?! Pity these people... for they must be pitied... and pitied soon.

Oh, i suppose for good measure, i should put up a link to their site...

but i won't. HAHAHAHA... oh here, http://www.gooddaylive.com

It's not a link, because I didn't want to make it a link. You lazy bastards will have to copy and paste if you want it. If not... believe me, you're not missing much.

oh fuckin' shit.
Bruce Campbell as Elvis
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

oh fuckin' shit shit shit.
gawd damn I'm going to have to see that movie.

NOW PLAYING IN SEATTLE WASHINGTON?!
who wants to go on a road trip?

You gotta love people who make threats online.

It's even better when they don't get the fucking joke.

But since no one visits this board, it must be one of you guys....

The reveal is truthed.
( changed link, pussies )

The truth is revealed.

The Lessarm Home.

volunteering to go to the desert. after watching one too many episodes of BAND OF BRUTHAS - which in fact is actually band of brothers but throughout the whole show I enjoyed thinking of it being bruthas and all of the main characters being black people and saying things like " SNIPER ON THE ROOF, NIGGA " and " I GOT YO BACK " and introducing eachother from where they are from with names like " Compton " and " South Bronx " and eating government chicken and watermellon - however I digress.

As to my insinuation as to running to the military like a little schoolboy who gets picked on everyday and then runs home to mommy and cries and then his father ( the US MILITARY ) comes out and lays down the law on the boy and beats his ass blue ... shit I'm going off topic again. We'll deal with something simple. Movie Reviews.

- Twenty one grams -

in this film you'll find yourself, for the first half of the film, confused on what exactly is going on with the 'timeline' of the film. Initially I thought that it was going in reverse - like memento : but around halfway through the film you realise that it is just 'chopped up' like pulp fiction - only not as good. Benicio del Toro plays an ex-con who crossed-over. Some of his lines about Jesus, God, and Faith are lines that will forever haunt my memory - and he does a most excellent job of acting them out. I actually have heard rumors of Academy nominations floating around in the air. Some girl's husband and children dies and she becomes a widow - and man oh man is that god damned widow fuckin' hawt. Turns out she falls in love with this duder who isnt that good looking at all and throughout the whole film I kept thinking to myself " Ah man I am so much better looking than that guy, c'mon - you know your hawt widow ass is yearning for a good dickfuck, why not come over to my place " - but unfortunately I didnt speak those things outloud and only thought them - and also : the widow couldn't read minds so she never really did consider coming over. In any event : things happen in the movie, and it is really dramatic. In the long run it is a really good film if you want a real good 'reality' movie. If you wanted things to explode, chase scenes that drag on longer than ten minutes, or some sort *SUPER COOL ACTION* - skip it. If you want a movie that even made me feel ( if just a tiny bit ) remorse and sorrow for lives of other people, this movie is for you.

- Thirteen -

Imagine that you're a woman for an instant. And if you're already female, imagine that you're not the stupid fucking cunt that you are and imagine that you're some other woman that I'm about to describe to you. Imagine that you're in your thirties or fourties and you have a younger daughter who is, in what I like to call "Prime Insemenation Years", Thirteen years of age. Now imagine this bitch wants to be little miss popular and fit in with all the girls who sleep with black men. You're spending your time smoking cigarettes and trying to raise your child on your own - all the while trying to fuck some guy ... I don't know exactly what was going on because I was too busy having it play on fast forward x4. Let me tell you something about fast forward x4 - its twice as fast as x2, and you still get to hear the people talking while you watch the film. So you get a calvin/chipmunks effect. Throughout the whole film you get to watch some whiny little whore complain about the following things : not fitting in, what clothes she has to wear, her mother, her period, makeup, her little brother, blah blah blah blah. All of this until she meets some cool girl and steals a wallet from some old lady and they " GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!! " - where they buy six pairs of shoes a piece and she finally gets accepted into the cool club. The rest of the movie goes downhill because she doesn't get raped - finds solace in drugs, tries to commit suicide because her cool friend fucks some black man, and something something I dont know I didnt pay attention. If you are looking for a movie that'll waste a good part of your life that you can never get back, although is a good movie to say that you saw and that it really opened your eyes to the trials and tribulations in which a woman goes through at a young age so that you can get some bitch to suck your cock - it's a great movie. Shit. Maybe if you're a woman you could wear a strap-on and she can suck your plastic ( are they made of plastic? ) dong and you can call her a dirty slut, but then you'd have already been 13 and you could bond with her on an entirely different level than some man.

- Kill Bill VOLUME FUCKING ONE -

I'm going to say this here and now, anyone who says Kill Bill is better than Pulp Fiction is a " ITS NEW SO IT HAS TO BE BETTER " cuntbag who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the wall. Uma Thurman ( you'll notice she is in the writing credits ) was terribly miscast in this film. Of course, I am not an Uma Thurman fanboy who wants to bend her over sappy tree stumps. Lucy Liu, however - is one hot woman. I found her extremely attractive in Payback. Speaking of Payback, between the two of them ( Kill Bill or Payback ) - I'd rather watch Payback, I'm not exactly a Mel Gizzy fan but fuckin Lucy Liu is hot in that film too. Jesus fuckin' christ Lucy Liu is hot. Um, yeah. This film has action and swords. Speaking of swords . . .

- Azumi -

Now if you want some sword fighting action, this is your god damned film. Directed by Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura and shown with subtitles this movie is fucking badass. It has swords, it has blood, it has assassins and ninjas. It has poor innocent people being slaughtered by bandits with swords of doom and Azumi isn't that bad of a looker herself ( although definately not as good looking as Lucy Liu ) - in any event I saw this movie and thought to myself " This is the movie that Kill Bill attempted to emulate " - and it holds true to it's genre. Kitamura also did another film by the name of Versus, which I am most definately going to have to see.

Next up will be Scary Movie 3 and The Last Samurai.

Home the armless.

Arm the homeless.

I like blue.

21 grams.
odd film.

Yeah...movie nitrous.
Everyone now equates all nitrous oxide with NOS (a brand name). It's like Kleenex.

But the way they show nitrous in the movies - pure crap.

I'll have to get my bottle filled and show you guys what it's really like. Sure, its a nice hand-of-god acceleration compared to what you get without it, but for the kind of money the movie cars have sunk in to them, there are much better ways of going fast.

Not to mention, NOS is only good for drag racing. Straight lines. No where do people actually road race (that is, go around corners) with nitrous.

[Jeff's Pity List #2]

Now, I know you were all thinking that the next person on my list would be Nelly...

And in truth, it was supposed to be, but that got messed up because I decided he was a special case to be focused on.

So instead, the next person on the Pity List will be none other than Mr. Fast and Furious himself: Paul Walker.

"Paul Walker", you ask... "Why Paul Walker?"

Well, watch JOY RIDE, and then you'll have yourselves an answer... as if Fast and Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious weren't bad enough.

First of all, let's talk about 2 Fast 2 Furious, as I always meant to talk about that piece of crap, but never got around to it.

How to start off... well first of all... 2 Fast 2 Furious already blows by removing the one actor who actually had some... resounance, in the first movie. Vin Diesel.

With him gone, your left with Paul Walker. Oh, and that other black guy... I don't remember his name. I think it was Tyrese... but I don't really remember, nor do I give a crap.

So the movie starts off with a street race, which is appropriate enough I suppose, since the movie is about illegal street racing...

and the illegal street race, which i must point out at this point must be being hosted by Bill Gates, because these people all have suped-up cars... like... I know people who street race want nice cars... i understand that. I sympathize with that... but these cars... had so much work done to them, that you have to wonder what these people do for a living to be able to afford it - and this question will come again in a second.

So Paul Walker strolls in... er, drives in... err... fast and furiously flies in with his car, and the race starts...

... and the movie takes a downhill plunge from that point on.

During the race, they seem to find all the back streets throughout Miami that have absolutely no other cars, no other cops, no other pedestrians... AT ALL. I know it's late at night... but walk around any city, ANY WHERE, and there will be SOMEBODY... SOME CAR... around. But not in the FAST AND FURIOUS city of MIAMI... WHOOOSH!

I mean... they are driving everywhere, taking turns... all that good stuff. Now at least in the first movie, they kept it to a straight-away. For illegal street racing, that just makes more sense. Well, with Vin Diesel gone, that small shred of common sense went with him.

Then during the race comes the NOS. We all remember NOS, don't we kiddies? Well, they sure do. Bam! It's NOS time... which translates to... Bam! It's WARP SPEED TIME!

Seriously. Once you hit the NOS, the surrounding environment becomes lots of tiny little blurs and you begin to travel the speed of light. Hah Einstein, your little theory of realitivity didn't take into account for NOS, did it?! Didn't think so.

Well, there are so many other bad points to this movie that I should really continue this review in a separate post, something titled, the truth about NOS... VROOOM!

Plus it's getting off topic... about how Paul Walker is a horrid actor and a horrid human being, and we should pity him for his patheticness.

Now he's making Timeline. I can only imagine how horrible he's gonna muck that up. I bet he travels back in time... fastly and furiously.

At least one thing is good. He turned down the offer to be Superman for the next Superman movie. One reason... he didn't want to tarnish his reputation cause he wants to make lots of money. (Too late there asshole!) His second reason... he thought Aquaman was better than Superman.

Fuck you Walker! I'm not a die-hard fan of Superman... but AQUAMAN?! What the hell? For the longest time Aquaman was a little pansy sea-version of Superman. If you thought Superman was a boyscout... then AQUAMAN was the gay boy-scout leader. Then DC decides to up the ante by makin' him edgier with that hook for a hand. Yeah... and giving him long hair. Yeah... that really works... real FAST AND FURIOUS! AQUAMAN. I was hoping he would have said Batman... or Wolverine... or even BIRDMAN. BIRDMAN beats AQUAMAN. That's how sad AQUAMAN is. Oh, I can communicate with Dolphins...

Now, don't get me wrong, I like Dolphins enough. Smart creatures and all... but when you're fighting DarkSeid or some hostile alien force, you tell me how a fuckin' Dolphin or Shark is going to help you.

AQUAMAN: Must fight flying saucer... but too weak... must call on the Dolphins...
~Dolphins... attack flying saucer for me... jump... jump high...~
DOLPHIN: ~I hate you AQUAMAN. Slave-master Bastard~

I hope, in all honesty, that they decide to make a movie about AQUAMAN, so that Paul Walker will play the role, and this way the world will see just how much both Paul Walker AND Aquaman suck. And this time Paul Walker will suck underwater, instead of on the streets of mythical Miami, a city so happenin' and lively, that people apparently go to sleep once the sun goes down, to make room for the thousands and thousands of rich street racers, led by Ludacris (which i have to say, was the only redeemable character in the movie).

I hate you Paul Walker. I hate you, and I Pity You.

Vern Fonk, baby!

Seriously though, an 18-24 year old single male with that kind of record isn't going to find cheap insurance.

...

You probably have food poisoning, not the flu. Influenza doesn't hit that suddenly, and doesn't cause massive gastrointestinal upset.