Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paul ino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino J eff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff P aulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulin o Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jef f Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Pau lino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Pauli no Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Je ff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Pa ulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paul ino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino J eff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff P aulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulin o Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jef f Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Pau lino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Paulino Jeff Don't think you're safe. He's still out there. Watching.

Not only is Jack not dead or hurt, she's doing very well from the sounds of it. She's going to BYU, majoring in Hebrew philosophy. She's got a year left on her Bachelor's and already has offers for Grad school. She's married. and, well, Normal. Very strange.

Ask her if "Jack" is ok, you know - seriously, and report to us if she'd dead yet.
Or brutally dismembered when someone attacked her. Because I can only wish so much pain onto that woman.

So I downloaded all 26 episodes of Witch Hunter Robin and so far it is pretty lame.
It seems to be an action story wanna/be woman's heart throb story.
The main character is fifteen years of age. But she has some really fuckin' hot hair.
Everytime I catch myself thinking " man, she's got some awesome hair " I say " Hah hah, funny Steven. "
But just in the last episode she got glasses.

Great.
So she has glasses and hair.
Fuck.

I would have stopped watching the show ( as it's mostly boring ) - if it weren't for a character named Amon.
Amon is her 'supposed' partner. He's a witch. And he's badass.

Niggers and Bitches -

You're never gonna believe who I work with.

Jack Jeffries Mom. Weird world.

Man, I suck at this whole "relationship" thing.

Not to mention that "growing a set of balls enough to just say what I mean" thing.

Oh, and let's not forget the ever-elusive "decisiveness"

Eventually, I'll either broach the subject or just give up.


Fucking shit, look at me. I'm turning all...emo.

Like a really big Zach-o.

Next thing I'll be shaving my head and getting weird piercings.

Oh, wait, already have the shaved (or nearly) head. And the piercing thing...well, that's yet another story. For another time.

SATURDAY, MARCH 20th.

You have a good four weeks until that day.
What you'll need on March 20th is the following :

1. Plenty of rest the previous night.
2. An alarm which goes off at 7am to wake you up.
3. 30$ ( +15$ 'spending money' )
4. An taste for running, shooting, and generally getting dirty.

Why?

I went up to operationpaintball on monday and talked with debbie.
she still remembers us. a lot has changed in the respect that they're " big " now.
Instead of putting an email address here for you all to email if you're interested ( you lazy fucksticks ) -
I will be avidly recruiting and bothering people to show up.

Niggers and Bitches -

ps. what I will need from everyone is to send me any and all contacts for any and all people anyone is interested in seeing show up.
I might even have a couple of surprises hidden up my sleeve, people you've all forgotten. heh.

jtay025: I need to find me girls that actually put out. -.-
jtay025: What the hell is my problem... long term relationships hah... lol
jtay025: Meh.. silly teenagers and their VD's...

Ouch. Andy?

That's certainly something to think about.

I suppose that some of my trepidation comes from fear of rejection - which is something I should certainly be accustomed to by now.

But mainly, I just don't want to screw up a good thing (existing friendship) by trying for something more.

It's just all about finding the right time, and saying the right things.

...And not calling my chapstick lip gloss. Of course, if I had flavored chapstick ("oooh, vanilla") it wouldn't matter what the fuck I call it.

Bradbury -

when in doubt, remember this : by not acting upon anything you feel, and by constantly talking to yourself (or others) about the way you feel, you run closer and closer to becoming stuck in the same rut as Andy - where you are nothing more than a stalker who sits at the edge of reality, masturbating to seventeen year olds and talking about how strippers " really really think you're cool "

Be a man. Express your feelings. If you're unwanted, don't take it as a personal insult - you said yourself : you're great pals.

It can easily be stated : " Hey, duder - you've got a vagina and I've got a penis. We're good pals. Wanna fuck? "
her response : " NO MANG, YOU'D RIP ME TO SHREDS, SICKO. "
your response : " Ok, so you wanna go see a movie / get drunk / play volleyball / (whateveritisyoudo) "
her response : " sure. "

I am constantly confused by people's fear of rejection.
I'd say that I myself suffer from it - but I know that ... mmm.
With my past relations in reguard, if I have a 'crush' of some sort on a woman, I let it slide.

Good luck, because when women are involved - you'll need it.
( p.s. - don't call your chapstick lipgloss )

- The Age-Old Dilemma -

It seems I have this friend. This female, attractive friend.

[You can guess where this is going already, can't you?]

So we're friends. She used to go out with a guy who used to be a buddy of mine. An integral part of The Group (JP and I).

[Yep, this is going to be one of those stories.]

I say used to go out with because they no longer are an item. Those broke up because he was acting like an idiot. All the time. He was getting pretty good at it

[Keep reading, or stop now and call him a fool. Your choice.]

The Group decided we liked this person better. Replaced the aforementioned idiotic member with her.

[This is where the part that probably originally came out of Shakespeare starts.]

Now it seems I have grown quite fond of this new friend. She's a good friend. We enjoy doing platonic male-female friend type things. She's not all that much of a redneck. I'm growing out of that rural-American shell recently.

[Hold on, here comes the plot twist none of you saw coming...]

Yeah. So I like her, she likes me. We're friends. But, as all of the males out there have already guessed, I'd rather be more than friends. It just goes with the "Y" chromosome. Nothing I can do about it.
To quote Rodney Carrington: "I'm a man. I have a dick. Pussy is my friend!"
Maybe that was more graphic than I really needed to be, but you all get the point.

[That's right, he's a hound dog at heart. Duh.]

The actual dilemma: Do I ...express... this ...thought/feeling/horniness/whatever..., and risk destroying the friendship? Or just let the (most likely one-sided) tension build?

[There really is no way to avoid the lasting awkwardness that follows: "Wanna screw?" "No."]

Well, I'd be more tactful than that. Maybe only slightly, but not that bad.

[Sure you would]

Besides, there's no saying I'm her type. Or that it would last. For that matter, she'd probably just laugh.

[It's all in the delivery, dumbshit.]

It's all in the delivery. I'll think carefully about what to say. Go over it in my head a few times.

[Oh, man, are you gonna screw this up]

Fuck it. It's all about finding the right time.

[I can't wait for this. Even John Paul will laugh at you after that.]

Well, off to pick her up now. The story of what led up to tonight should be good to tell you later.

[Yeah, they'll love it.]

flash

Hmm.... Don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but Schwab is usually fairly cheap. And their warranty and service are better than anyone.

...


So, I just got home.

FUCKING A

Haven't had a night this wild in some time. That includes New Year's Eve when I went swimming in 36 degree water. That shit doesn't hold a candle to this.

Man O man, have I got some apologies to make once I sober up and get some sleep.

But I will stand by my assertion that small breasts are better. Sampled a few tonight, and the best were in the A cup range.

Heh.

Damn.

having found that post ( i remembered that you had to search for otterballs to find it ) i found an old image hosting site of mine.

check out all these cool images from way back when.

lol, zach's girlfriend.






blue dies, green wins!



man, that was a fucking funny post.



Hey!



good ol flamcakes.



hahahah. NO.



everybody remembers jessica, right?



what a fag.





photoshop tomfoolery



my bitches . . . .



bahahahaha, mike taking my bitches. the name for this file is " NOO.jpg " hahahaha


who is this?




old slug background. IM WATCHIN' YOU!


the original.







seems to be a story of some sort, that I dont remember.



nigga pleez







another story i dont remember.

yeup. good times.

it is FRIDAY zee THIRTEENTH

OOoooooOooo

Jesse gets here march 15th.
I'm hoping that, somhow, crosses with Jimmoi coming down.
I ( James ) will be planning a paintball outing during their visit.
Anyone interested please email this address.

I will try to arrange it to where everyone gets notified with at least two weeks prior notice,
for them workin folk -
and it will most likely be a friday, saturday, or sunday.

also : Bradbury - it seems I will be in the market for buying new tires,
do you have any specific suggestions for my particular brand of car?
I want to get a whole new set ( 4 tires ) - how much would that run up around?
please oh please do not say anywhere five hundred plus. augh.

edit: you'll notice a slight modification to the board, the "link" ability.
by right-clicking on the link url and copying it to your clipboard - you can send people to individual posts on the board, now
and it will automatically put that post for them to view.
for instance :

clicking here will take you to a particular post of interest.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

eh heh heh heh.

-

A long, long time ago there was a young guamanian that nobody knew, or cared to know.
His name was Jeff Paulino.



But Jeff had a problem that could be summed up into just three words :
He was fat. A big fat guamanian, as chubby as they come.

Seniors would laugh at him, entertaining the idea of how funny it would be to push him down stairs and watch him curl up into a ball like a pillbug, squishingly making his way down the stairs unharmed - as his body fat would protect him from injury. Silently he put all of his efforts into academics, and ignored the taunts and teases from his scholastic peers. He cursed them under his breath : " Curse you seniors! "

Eventually, being cast out from his own social order ( Juniors ) he sought refuge with those who didn't know any better ( Sophmores ) - and found two associates who saw past his grotesque weight problem. Andrew Wegenener and James Collins. Jeff enjoyed the company of these two - as not everything that came out of their mouths was " fat fat fat, overweight, fat fat fat" - and they maintained most of their belittling jokes to his ethnicity.

But deep down inside, Jeff knew he would never be able to strike the Senior's words from his mind.

" Hey he looks like he eats pies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! "
" HAHAHA, You think if we threw our shoes at him that he'd eat them? "
" Are you hungry? Huh, piggy piggy piggy? Are you hungry, are ya? "
" Watch out, Wide-Load coming through the hallways, BEEEP BEEEP! "

They echoed throughout his mind. Eventually this very board manifested itself, and Jeff found that he had a place of solace, a place to go to. A place where nobody would know that he was overweight and ashamed of it. The internet. With the help of the internet he achieved something that he thought he could have never achieved. He found a girlfriend. And as the time passed this girl helped him lose weight - and has become the Jeff Paulino we all know, love, and go to with our troubling problems because "he's such a great listener" - but there is a Jeff that none of you know.

A Jeff that only I remember. And I'm sure if you took his mother's teet out of his fucking mouth, Andy would remember too.

A Jeff that gorged himself on little debbie snack-cakes twenty four hours a day,

who couldn't eat icecream without extra whipped cream on it,
who enjoyed his fries with not only ketchup - but ketchup, sugar, sour cream, cheese, bacon, and grease.
who paniced when he found out that the food he ordered from burgerking, was in fact, NOT supersized.

worried that eventually one day he wouldn't be able to bend over and tie his own shoes.
concerned that nobody would love him just because he could chew on his very own nipples.
bothered by the fact that nobody else could slap their bellies and make musical notes with accuracy such as his.

Remember his post about 'the angles of fat' ?
He came up with that, long ago, after staring at himself in a mirror, buck naked and video taping himself.

Remember his raging against the wallabies?
The wallabies represented much deeper seeded hatred. They represented Seniors, those who had mocked him.

Remember his study of the Toucans?
More like study of the creatures who could regulate their body weight, so he could emulate their eating habits.

Remember those men who were mysteriously murdered by a 'large guamanian' and nobody heard about?
Of course you dont, nobody heard about them.

So just you remember next time Jeff asks you out for tea or coffee late one night...
because deep down inside.



There is a Jeff from long ago.
Lurking...



...
Waiting.

[The Glass Half-Confused]

I was thinking about fat people. Not in the Jimmoi way, where he wants to kill all of them for existing and taking up his space, and not in the Michael Collins way, where he wants to butter them up and show them a night of hot loving...

but in the pity way...

those poor bastards... always being resigned to work in computer labs and as Mr. Wired. (By the way, Mr. Wired isn't just one person... he's actually a series of people. Every now and then, the Mr. Wired you see dies, usually due to cardiac arrest, and he is replaced by one of equal weight and height. Hey, you can't blame them, it's hard to find work, so when one of their own dies, they simply replace them. I think we are on our fifth jOe.)

But, does my pity really matter to them? Will it make a dent in their depression? Obviously weight loss and diets aren't the answer? It doesn't seem like its working. Not when McDonalds taunts them with double cheeseburgers, Burger King with their triple cheeseburgers, and Jack-in-the-Box with their amazing Ultimate Cheeseburgers...

No, Atkins won't save you Parr, Wired, Macauley... You're depression won't be whittled away by Gut Busters, Weight Watchers, or Metabolife.

What you need... is acceptance.

That's right... accept your lot in life. Change that perspective. So you're fat... so what?

Do what this guy did:



And remember, when life's got you down and you can't imagine going on,

just recite this mantra:

"Yeah, sure, I may be fat. I may be socially awkward... but there's nothing wrong with that. After all, I could be James Andrew Collins."

Thank you, and vote Joe Lieberman 2004!

slowly piecing the 'behind the scenes' stuff back together.
if'n you ever need to upload something for the board you can use the following URL :

http://loose-slugs.com/UPLOAD.HTML

hopefully that will encourage photo-wars and old mspaint attacks. heh.

[Query]

Here's a question for all of you:

Why do people smell?

Seriously. And more importantly, why do these smelly people sit around me? Why? It makes no sense to me why i seem to be a magnet for them.. but apparently i am...

its strange, because smelly people have a distinctive smell... it isn't like various smells... there is usually one of a small set of smells...

for example, the wet-dog smell... which is just wonderful... that's what i sat next to today... I was sitting there on the bus, and this lady stands next to me and just stays there... leaving me wishing for death. DEATH.

I think i'm being too harsh about all of this actually. And i do feel somewhat bad for the smelly people, i really do... If i could help them i would. Some people smell and they can't help it. Genetics. You would have thought that nasty smells would have been done away with evolutionarily speaking, but maybe there is some sort of survival value in it.

Who knows.

I lost what i was going with for all of that, so I'm going now. I hate typing when I haven't cut my nails. It bothers me.

Wha...?

dirty jews.

well.

that certainly was an upheaval -
Jeff you may be pleased to know that the forums are destroyed
and in 24-48 hours the nameserver for LOOSE-SLUGS.com will be up and running again.

something to work on.

[Hypno-craziness]

So if I want a job working in the office of a hypno-therapist, i can have it.

Hehehe... now it's work, and even though i'm not the biggest subscriber to hypnosis, not that i disbelieve or believe... just... weary of it...

anyway, even though that, still, it's a paycheck. Sad thing is it starts at $9.00 an hour. Good things: the lady said that there is plenty of room for advancement in pay, and i'd be working on a sort of start up business... it's more in its growing period now, and has been around for years, but still. How amazing is that?

Basically that means, I can garner support and all that, while being in a clinical setting. Meh... I don't know, it's work... but i still wanted to hear from the SCCA place that I applied, but they never got back to me.

That kinda pisses me off, because they said they would. How hurtful.

Anyway, remember kiddies, don't go to the forums. FORUMS ARE EVIL!

Shit Steve, you get the motor, I'll help you put it in. For that matter, you can use my shop.

Not entirely positive, but the AWD (all wheel drive, NOT four wheel drive - big difference) shouldn't be a problem, so long as you get the driveline, differential and axles from the back.

Being that yours is a 93 and the Alltrac was a 97 - you might be fucked out of AWD. I'm not a Celica expert, but I can learn it if you need.

[The Missing Board]

So I was having this conversation with Heather, and I'm sure it's somewhere in the forums, but I can't see the forums and...


oh yeah... i hate the forums... i don't care what James Collins or James Nicholas Miller or the lot of you say, I HATE forums.

Anyway... so the conversation was basically that she thought one chick from Law and Order SVU was hotter and I was saying the redhead was hotter.

Which she is Heather. It's just true. You really have to face facts.

I would post pictures, but i can't remember how and I'm feeling a right tad bit lazy. Plus, it's not like anyone can read the board at the moment, so this post will probably just get passed by...

Except for from crazy James Collins, who will spend his life making sure no trace of himself can be... well... traced.

He kind of reminds me of JOHN CONNER in T3, where he's riding around on his motorcycle staying off "The Grid". Hahahaa... so somewhere in that mind of his, JAMES COLLINS is thinking, wow, I need to stay off "The Grid" so that killer robots from the future, or from the Industrial Revolution, don't come to kill me or my mom in the past...

Cause that would really suck. Tza.

But see that just reminds me... all those Bathrooms on the walls from here to Kansas that Zacho wrote "TZA" on... if ever someone gets curious enough, they'll go google it, and eventually make there way to this board... and eventually connect TZA with JAMES COLLINS.

Scary shit James. Expect a hot female terminator to come to your door to punch a hole through your chest.

You must be the ONE.

Somewhere this post became completely nonsensical and went off my original topic.

Casey Novak is waaaaay hotter than Alexandra Cabot... not that the blonde chick isn't hot too, but still...

jEFF -

You best to get to the forum to defend the honor of your woman.

this is another test.
if it works, you'll she the usage statistics for the website ( total ) for the month of january.

Damn you bradbury, now i play snood.
Too, toooo much.

GreenEyedFox16: i hung out with jeff yesterday
zak p o w: did he look like a homo?
GreenEyedFox16: nope
zak p o w: yes he did, liar.
GreenEyedFox16: he did call his chapstick lip gloss
zak p o w: . . .

you see.
it is the unintentional clips that are funny.

Um...yeah Steve, Caddies can fucking move.

Besides...your Celica isn't all that fast compared to a lot of the new stuff out there. Especially if you have a car load of people.

this is a test.
if it works, you should be able to see the top 20 of 307 total search strings for the month of January

if interested ( its some funny shit ) - click here

[jackass]

So how are the forums going Mr. Collins?

Bah. Forums... Bah.

Anyway, I found that I had a little extra free time today so I decided to go through some of the video footage I've shot over the last couple of years.

Wow.

There are some rather lustrious nuggets in all that footage...

and some really scary stuff involving jOe and his brothers.

You thought Animal Planet was wild.

Jimmoi, you conservative fuckwad, go to the forums.

[353080]

One of the funniest things in the world is to listen to Jimmy bitch about work and about the people he works with.

Case in point: That time that Jimmy came down from Alaska, when Mr. Collins was still living with Aaron and Anthony and Steve.

That was funny. Cause there is Jimmy talking about a guy named Sanchez and his car that sucks and how he tries to race with Eclipses and stuff.

I have this idea that once I get a great job, I'm gonna buy spy-type survelliance gear and plant little bugs in places so I can listen to audio and study it psychologically.

It sounds like fun. It sounds exciting. It sounds like it would be funny to listen to once I get it all done and post it.

Ahhh, dreams.

[after thought]

Here's something scary to consider...

Bob Barker is always telling people to spay and neuter your dogs and cats... you know, cause he's interested in controlling the dog and cat population...

so by that line of logic... would he be a frequent masturbater, so as to aid his cause? Why doesn't he tell everyone else at the end to frequently masturbate as well? I think he should.

Pretty damn shocking and scary huh? Betcha you're gonna think about it if you ever are told to "come on down".

there's a whole lot of dead kittens for you.

If ye loveth jesus, ye must kill a kitten.

What the fuck are you talking about bonnie?

Director =! Writer. The film was based on a book - and reviews from most people who've read the book say that the movie is actually on par with the book. Very few book-to-movies get that sort of compliment. The music was done by Danny Elfman - which, in my personal opinion, he always does an absolute superb job in setting the tone of the film. Especially Spectre. And yes, the guy who played the son was a terrible actor - but he really wasn't the main character - but man oh man, he two people who played the main character : ( Ewan McGregor and Alber Finney ) - that was some swell stuff.

Lastly - do you not remember Tim Burton's last film? Oh wait I don't because I never bothered to see it, because it was PLANET OF THE APES. I wouldn't see it because I knew it was going to be shit, reguardless of director because Director =! Writer. What I am assuming your dislike for this film is based on is its total lack of DARK, GOTHIC, AND MYSTERIOUS wonder you can find in the plethora of other Burton's films. His next project is announced to be Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - man ... that'll be something, and I'm hoping he'll take it in the direction he did with Big Fish - and leaves all the "OMG BLACK IS MY FAVORITE COLOR" at the door. Johnny Depp plays willy wonka. mmm.

SOMEONE USE THE GOD DAMNED FORUM!
I CANNOT SEE IF THINGS ARE WORKING THE WAY THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO BE WORKING IF NOBODY PAVES THE WAY,
SO TO SPEAK.

GOD DAMNIT.
INVITE YOUR FRIENDS TO JOIN
INVITE YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO JOIN
INVITE YOUR FRIEND'S FRIENDS TO JOIN

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[12.3]

I got to level 17 of that damned game before I had to go off and take care of stuff... and I didn't get to save my score... though I know it didn't beat james.

And yes, the numbers tend to be harder... not a surprise given the layout of a keyboard and that most people don't typically use numbers.

And not surprising that Mr. Collins would have a higher score, considering what he does on his typical day...

Damn you.

That's all i had for now... i know, short post... but i got lots on my mind...

And I hate michael. That's right... I haven't forgotten... I will crush you into dust one day Mr. James Clone.

soma buspar kzk: so i played that game
soma buspar kzk: with the sharks
soma buspar kzk: and i'm fucking horrible at numbers
soma buspar kzk: those pirhanas
soma buspar kzk: they just eat me up
zak p o w: everyone says that
zak p o w: dude.
zak p o w: i just whoop all ass
zak p o w: http://slugs.genericwebhost.com/images/typershark/
soma buspar kzk: i hope you're making a quick descent into hell as those asses are being whooped
soma buspar kzk: yeah, i saw
zak p o w: hahaha
zak p o w: you see these letters that you're reading right now?
zak p o w: I've typed them out exactly two minutes before this conversation
zak p o w: the sync is pretty difficult, being that two minutes before this conversation we weren't having this conversation.
zak p o w: but i type them out so fast it takes them two minutes to catch up.
soma buspar kzk: heh
soma buspar kzk: you raelly are a skilled skilled man
zak p o w: so if i were to have typed this right now, with this conversation - you'd get it two minutes later and it would sound all stupid.

TYPERSHARK

click the link above this.
play the game on the skill level "50"
see if you can beat my score.
motherfuckers.

my score can be found : right here.
fun fun fun fun fun game.

[The Solution]

First off... I think there might be something wrong with Jimmy.

Secondly, and far more important... I have noticed this air of animosity toward each other with regards to movies... some we like, some we hate, some we can't agree on...

So to fix this, and restore the balance of the board, I have come up with a great solution...

A Solution so powerful, that it might fix Hollywood even...

This solution is to create the WORST movie ideas imaginable... movie ideas so bad, that nobody will want to watch them... at the same time, I will thus be able to hold the rights to these movies, such that if Hollywood ever tried to make them, i could sue them and stop production...

Genius, isn't it? I thought so.

So to that end, I present to you all the first of these great WORST MOVIES EVER IMAGINABLE!, kicking off with:

Kart-OFF!

Premise: A young Cuban boy, new to the country, must enter a cut-throat national go-cart racing competition in order to win the respect of his people and his new school peers, become accepted by his new homeland, and earn enough money to pay for his new life so that his mother doesn't have to be a prostitute.

Setting: The Meanstreets of the Slums of Miami.

Major Characters/Actors That (or possibly will) Portray Them:

Jonny Tito/Haley Joel Osment: Jonny Tito is the little ten year old Cuban boy who is new to the country of America. He speaks broken english and the other kids in the neighborhood want nothing to do with him. He even becomes oustracized by the Cuban kids when they see his mother trolling the streets as a prostitute.

Haley Joel Osment will be cast and given Cuban-paint to look like a Cuban boy. Because of his phenomenal role in the Sixth Sense, he is the perfect choice to play an emotionally unstable ten year old boy of Cuban origin.





Marie Santo Tito/Jennifer Lopez-Affleck: Marie Tito is the mother to Jonny Tito. She finds herself abandoned in Miami after her husband dies shortly after getting off the boat from pneumonia. Uneducated, Marie Tito finds herself forced into prostitution to pay foor rent, food, and little Jonny Tito's love of pokémon cards. However, she often comes home beaten from her pimp.

Jennifer Lopez-Affleck will play her as the estranged but tough-as-nails immigrant woman.





José Cruz Tito/Ben Affleck: José Tito is the father of Jonny Tito. He dies after getting off the boat from pneumonia he got while on the boat to America.

Ben Affleck will play José as is part of Jennifer Lopez's contract where she will do at least five movies a year with her husband. He will also be given Cuban-paint and will play his role with a Cuban accent.





Juan Paólo/Vin Diesel: Juan Paólo is the pimp who constantly roughs up Marie Tito, who works for him. He constantly tries to make sexual advances on Marie Tito but comes up empty-handed, after which he flies into a rage and drives off fast.

A perfect role for up-and-coming star Vin Diesel.





Jesse Paólo/Tom Felton: Jesse is the son to Juan and is the title holder of the X-treme Go-Kart Championship, the biggest and baddest Go-Kart Championship of all, which is held in Miami. He hangs with an unruly pack and though not known to anyone else, is not above cheating as a way of winning. He makes it his goal to undermine and destroy Jonny Tito's dreams of a better life.

Tom Felton, who plays Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series, is perfect for this role as a bad-ass ten year old with little to no scruples. With the right mix of Cuban-paint, he will look the part perfectly.





Kristy Janine Paólo/Hilary Duff: Kristy Paólo is the adopted daughter of Juan Paólo. She falls in love with Jonny Tito, but is forbidden from seeing him. Often times she defies her adopted father to see her ten-year old lover.

Hilary Duff will play this role as great as she played in Agent Cody Banks. Because Kristy is adopted and a white girl, she will not require the Cuban-paint.





Kevin Trent/Frankie Muniz: The gruff but loveable thirteen year old Kevin Trent was the previous X-treme Go-Kart winning of years back. However he is too old to be a go-kart racing and thus resigns and is forgotten over the years. He eventually uses his knowledge of go-karting to help out Jonny Tito, though at first hesitantly. The two eventually become like brothers.

Who else but Frankie Muniz could play a better gruff and unhappily forgotten thirteen year old boy?

Summary:
The story begins with the little Jonny Tito sitting in class, trying to talk to some of the other school kids, who quickly make fun of him and call his mom a whore. He doesn't understand why, and goes off to cry in the library. There we are shown flashbacks of the trip to America. He later goes home and finds a crude drawing of his mother looking like a prostitute. Not longer after we find out that indeed his mother is working as a prostitute, making Jonny Tito cry, and want to throw away his latest Pikachu collector card. Instead he runs away from home with tears in his eyes. He then stumbles into a backaway where practice go-kart racing is taking place. He watches mesmorized. One of the onlookers makes comments, and it is revealed that they are practicing for go-cart racing season. The onlooker, tells Tito that there are plenty of cash prizes to win at the end of each race, with the largest cash-prize of 250,000 dollars given to the winner of the X-treme Go-Kart Championship at the end of the season. Tito thinks to himself that this could be the way to save his mother from prostitution.

Tito begins to plan, learning first what it takes to be a champion. He does research and finds the old previous winner, Kevin Trent - who turns out to be the onlooker from the street! At first Trent refuses to teach him the ways of Go-carting... but eventually decides to help the boy, seeing something of himself in the younger lad.

So the two train and begin to build the new racer, the Cuban SEA-GAR! Despite the car's excellent Cuban/German Engineering, Jonny loses the races he enters.

Meanwhile, things are getting worse. At school, more and more kids are finding out his mom is a whore. Then a boy named Jesse Paólo begins making fun of him for trying to race a go-cart to save his mom from being a prostitute. They all laugh and make fun of him.

At home, Jonny is saddened to see his mother come home one day with bruises. It is because of her pimp, Juan Paólo, who is constantly taking most of her money away that she gets as a prostitute. He says that only if she sleeps with him will he let her keep more, but she continues to refuse. However, the landlord wants his rent and she doesn't know where to turn.

Jonny goes running off, crying in the public library, when a young girl walks up to him and they start talking. She comforts him and they go on a walk around the town. She says her name is Kristy and she knows what it is like to lose a father. Her mother was killed and she was adopted by a pimp named Juan, who wants to use her as a prostitute when she gets a little older. She doesn't know who her true father is, but wishes she could find him. Jonny is saddened but vows to find a way to save her and his mother.

With his new determination, and dedication, Jonny goes back to Kevin Trent and they train some more, and begin winning new races. Jesse becomes worried and begins spreading rumors about Jonny's mom, but this only makes Jonny madder, and he ends up winning more races. He eventually places into the X-treme Go-Kart Championship.

Despite Jesse's attempts to win, and attempts to cheat with the help of his gang, Jonny wins the title and the prize money. He then heads home to tell his mom the good news and give her the money... only when he gets there, Juan Paólo is there at his home! Oh no! He is about to force himself on his mother. Juan takes the prize money and laughs mercilessly at Jonny. Now his hopes are dashed!

But just then a figure emerges from the shadows... it's José Tito, Jonny's dad. As it turns out, he wasn't dead, just very sick. A Cuban healer found him and nursed him back to health. At first he had amnesia but with time his memories came back to him. José Tito punches Juan, but Juan pulls a gun on him. Thinking quickly, Jonny throws his prize trophy at Juan, who flinches, giving José and Marie enough time to both punch Juan, which sends him stumbling backwards and out of the apartment window. Juan dies from smashing into his own car, which explodes and burns Jesse Paólo's go-cart in the process (it had been tied to the back of the car).

Jonny uses some of his prize money to track down Kristy's real father who lives in Tennesee. He didn't know that his daughter was still alive. They are reunited and Jonny's family moves up there too, where they all live happily. Jonny becomes a national pro-go-cart racer.

Isn't it just awesomely spectacular?! This movie is the epitomé of horrid wretchedness thrown onto an unsuspecting populace. However, now thanks to me, it will never see the light of day!

Celebrate, you ungrateful bastards.

[versus]

I wouldn't say that the versus movies are necessarily proof that we have run out of movie ideas... though i'm not disagreeing with that belief... because it rather seems to be true.

However, in the case of versus movies, I recall thinking way back how cool it would be to see certain people go up against other people... I don't know about you all, but back in school we used to do it all the time whenever we would compare our favorite superheros, and sometimes even our favorite movies...

of course, usually that line of thinking was saved for comic books and cartoons... but still...

The whole wave of Versus movies is part that, and part the whole wave effect that Hollywood always seems to see. When Matrix came out, there was Thirteenth Floor. When Twister came out, there were a shitload of TV specials about Tornadoes. When Tombstone came out, there was that Kevin Costner one... what the hell was it called... damn. Either way... its just a thing.

I wonder what 2005 will bring. I'm going out on a limb and saying that the blockbuster summer will see a theme of cartoons to movies... starting with the long anticipated Simpsons movie... that will suck but people will see.

(Note: there is no Simpsons movie planned that I know of, this was more just one of my random and often wrong predictions for the future... so all you people who went to Google and typed in Simpsons movie and ended up here at our lovely site... HAHAHAH you suck!)

[When Boredom Strikes]

Let me explain something about myself.

Whenever I get bored... I get inspired to do different things. So in honor of that way of behaving, I have decided to nominate this here board in the 2004 Bloggies, or whatever the hell they are called.

Mwahahahaha... isn't that just grandiosiciously awesome? I thought so. Actually I thought... "Hahahahah Mr. Collins will just love this," as I grinned maliciously and rubbed my hands together.

I don't expect us to win anything... considering the board is crappy half the time, with some golden shiny nuggets once in awhile. A picture of Steve's pooh notwithstanding of course.

I wish I had thought of this back in 2001 when James and I had that glorious post-war. And then there was the rebellion of 2001... or was that 2002. Ah who knows.

To be honest, I'm surprised the board survived past 2003. It didn't seem like it would for awhile.

If I get any of the jobs that I've been applying to, I was actually thinking of donating some money into the board... how's that for ya. And certainly there will be picture posts again... because I can repair my computer, and get my Photoshoppin' skills back on track.

And add some wonderful video to it.

Hmm, I just realized... I should go back and fix that length, of give james that "Will you be my Zach-o" song, to link, so when those judge peoples come through to check out the board, they can listen to my wonderful renderition of Iglesias' song.

Mwahahah...

Ahhh, that felt good.

[Workin' for the devil]

I was thinking... in all this job searching fun-craziness... I could always try this position:

Group: Broadcasting
Division: KCPQ/KTWB-TV
Category: Broadcasting/Television


KCPQ/KTWB-TV, Seattle is seeking a Research Assistant to assist the Research Director in providing information to all departments as necessary to aid in maximizing revenue from sales of commercial airtime. No phone calls please. EOE.

Please submit resume' to:
Recruiter
KCPQ/KTWB-TV
1813 Westlake Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109
Fax 206-674-1344

Now don't laugh. I recently started thinking of all the other things I could do instead of Psychology... and Journalism kinda sounds like fun. Now its a real entry position job... so I don't need to much Journalism background, just office and research background. That I have plenty of. Then I think... it's Q13 Fox.

shudder.

We all know and "love" Q13, don't we. But still, its a paying position, and it's in journalism (if you could call it that). And frankly, it would be more fun than building boxes or sitting in sub-zero temperatures with a bayonet and a plane, probably even more fun than working for a school district. It's gotta be more fun than stocking shelves and listening to half-bald women complaining that Kmart has everything cheaper. Right?

Right? Evil if it is a pact with the devil... right?

Heh, maybe I will apply to them, just to see, y'know. Just to see.

my synopsis of pleasantville in chat-form

ak p o w: saw all of pleasantville
zak p o w: man that movie left a sour taste in my mouth.
zak p o w: too many unasnwered questions.
Self DeNihil: I didn't think you'd like that movie.
zak p o w: and it didn't delve quite into just how shitty the real world can be. just focused on " OH PRETTY COLORS AND FEELINGS! "
Self DeNihil: I thought it was cool, I don't know why masturbating in the bathtub causes forestry to catch on fire.
zak p o w: it was dated man.
zak p o w: sweaters and poodle skirts are hot
zak p o w: yeah the first half, about breaking taboo
zak p o w: that was fuckin' hawt
Self DeNihil: lol
zak p o w: the later half about breaking the mold, feeling emotions, being unique and special in your very own way...
zak p o w: meeeeh.
zak p o w: I wanted his whore of a sister to get pregnant and not know what to do - his parents to get a divorce and have a terrible child-custody battle, and i was fully expecting the mayor to start a concentration camp and start lynching some 'colored folk '
zak p o w: but over all it was a nice ' art film '
zak p o w: just that my ' art film ' would have been filled with much more gruesome facts of life.
zak p o w: for instance, they never dealt with death.
zak p o w: nobody in pleasantville had ever died, OH SHIT WATCH OUT FOR THAT FUCKING BUS - what now?
Self DeNihil: lol.
zak p o w: the imagery of little suzie poking at her dead father in the road
zak p o w: daddy? daddy why are you sleeping?
zak p o w: child abuse, child mollestation
zak p o w: oh, and drugs.
zak p o w: 'whats outside of pleasantville?' Johnny Feelgood!
zak p o w: the old folks were asking " whats next? " I was yelling at the screen " COCAIN MOTHERFUCKERS! SHOOTEN UP SOME HEROINE, TOKE SOME OF THAT MARIJUANA, MANG "
zak p o w: oh yes, my pleasantville degregation would have met such lows that there would be no distinguishable difference from pleasnantville and the real world.
Self DeNihil: lol
zak p o w: and the tv-guy who gets them into the program in the first place would be fucking pissed.
zak p o w: he'd start fucking around with the television.
zak p o w: kind of like that one show
zak p o w: that i forgot the name of
zak p o w: where that guy gets sucked into the tv dish
zak p o w: and its hell
Self DeNihil: That movie is a great one to watch and make fun of.
Self DeNihil: Dammit, waht's that called.
zak p o w: mass murderers and serial rapists would make their apperance just after vehicular homicide and aggrivated assault.
zak p o w: Stay tuned i believe
zak p o w: or Tuned something
zak p o w: http://imdb.com/title/tt0105466/
Self DeNihil: yes... that's it.
zak p o w: i was so expecting the old guy to start fucking around with them like that
zak p o w: what do i get? a fucking smile like " YOU DID GOOD SON " and driving away?
zak p o w: pff.
zak p o w: boy i wish i lived in the fifties.

Nihilist Bear


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he he he

[bampf]

First and only post of SUNDAY, right here! Yay...

K, novelty wearing off.

This has been a rather drab little day, hasn't it. Nobody posting, nothing interesting going on. It's as if today seems to have this sort of paused quality to it.

In other news...

there is this town in Virginia called Killington... what a great name eh? Anyway, they want to succeed and be apart of New Hampshire.

I wish we could do that. Let's have Roy succeed and become a part of Oregon. Seriously. That would make that small little town popular overnight. Oregon law has no sales tax. Do you know how quickly people will go to build in Roy. Overnight I'm telling ya. Then people will flock there to buy stuff. Even if it's crappy stuff. They will be it. Why? Because no sales tax. How wonderful is that for the future of Roy?

We can do just like Killington.

Ungh, my head hurts today.