Jimmoi Love

I'd like to tell you all a story. It's a love story. Yes, a beautiful and sad love story. And this story...it involves a dear friend of ours...

Jimmoi.

Yes, this is the story of jimmoi and his never ending search for true love.

Our story begans about two years ago. Jimmoi was a man in search. In search for that thing we call love.

Jimmoi worked at Target, as a sales floor member. He walked around straightening shelves, answering phones, running the cashiers, and helping the guests. And then one typical February day, a guest walked up to him asking for a price check on hemorroid cream, and changed his life forever.

That guest was none other than Brittany Spears, in disguise.

Good friends, I speak the truth. It was Brittany Spears, and the moment she saw jimmoi in his Target vest, she fell deeply in love with him. Maybe it was that dingy red vest. Maybe it was his unkempt hair. Myabe it was the way the dim Target lights glimmered off of his Target badge. Or maybe it was the way he handled that LRT price checking gun...

That began a whirlwind romance. The two were inseperable. They went everywhere together. Life was all smiles and sunshine for the two lovebirds.

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy it hurts...

Don't they make a lovely couple? But i'm sure all of you are asking the question:But how come we didn't know about our good friend jimmoi and Brittany Spears? Well, there is a good reason for that friends.

When they decided to go out, Brittany's agent had jimmoi sign a nondisclosure agreement. It made him promise that he would not mention their relationship unless they got married. Well, that joyous time almost came about, and we would have all learned about jimmoi and brittany, if not for a growing problem.

You see, as happy as jimmoi was, there was just something missing.

Missing Jeff??

Missing indeed!

For underneath the smiles, jimmoi was growing resentful. Jimmoi wanted something more. He wanted someone more agressive. Brittany just wasn't agressive enough for him. The sad thing is that she would have been, but jimmoi never asked her to be. He was too timid to ask for her to be agressive, to dominate him. Alas, their relationship began to fall apart, until one day, they broke up.

Jimmoi was heartbroken. He began to wonder around dazed and confused, blank and expressionless. It also began to affect his work habits. He changed his job from working on the sales floor to working in the backrooms. People never saw jimmoi anymore. All they saw was a lifeless form lurching about in the darkness, pulling packages from the back and rearranging them. He went unshaven, and often slept in the filthy backroom for days on end, sleeping in Target sleeping bags, and surviving on Target mints. Little children saw him walking about occasionally, and had they to check into therapy later.

All hope, it seemed, was lost for our love-searching friend. He was forced to come up with Jimmoi-style even. Yes, it was a dark time.

And then he met her: HotBlonde190345.

That's right. It was internet love at first site. Jimmoi was wondering around one bland monday afternoon, looking for internet porn, when HotBlonde190345 IM'ed jimmoi, asking for his ASL. (Apparently you can find out about anybody on the web.)

From that conversation, love sprang forth. They spent hours huddled in front of computer screens, chatting endlessly. She even promised to dominate him like the monkey he was. They went for months talking. Then the big day came for the couple. The day they would send their "pics" to each other.

Alright baby, i'm taking off the boxers...oh yeah....

It was a day that promised great love, and delivered further heartbreak. When jimmoi got HotBlonde190345's pic, his heart dropped through his chest and landed in his small intestine.

Hey, I don't think ya ready for this! I'm too bootilicious for ya baby!

It turned out to just be James' brother: Michael Collins, in a blonde wig!


What have i done? What on earth have i done!!!! NOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!

It was a sad day. A sad and dark day for Jimmoi. Nothing in the world seemed right. He had lost his love, Brittany Spears, and his new love, HotBlonde190345 turned out to be Michael. What a tragedy.

All seemed lost for jimmoi. He began working at the box factory, spending all his time with cardboard...eh...corragation...
It brought him a sense of satisfaction and relief, and took his mind off of his failed loves...

But still, there was an emptiness...until one day she showed up and jimmoi fell in love. She was simply there to order boxes for the little apes she kept in boxes for dinner and lunch, and for torture...

but their eyes met...and they fell in love:

You are the weakest link!!

Jimmoi has finally found the perfect woman. She dominates him like no other. We only have to wait before this love is cemented in the sacrament of marriage.

NOTE: I'd like to thank Mr. Harry Wapler for his investigative work to bring this story to light. Without him, we all would not have known about jimmoi's love story. You should have seen the old man. He came into my dorm the other day saying with jubulance in his voice, "Boy-o, you won't believe what i found out 'bout yer friend jimmoi!". The rest you now all know.

Thanks Harry.

For the Boswanians⁶