Explosive Diarrhea

Sorry about the title, but i couldn't think of something better to illustrate my post.

So awhile ago, i was in the dorm public restrooms. (There not exactly/entirely public, since they are meant to be used by the residents of the dorms, but then again, its not like their are restroom police. Otherwise that guy who took the middle urinal when others to the left and right were free would have been given a decency and courtesy citation.)

I was in one of the stalls, when i hear this other guy go into the stall directly adjacent to my own. First of all, that was wrong because the stall to the far left of me was completely unoccupied. Still, that wasn't so bad. Felt rather crowded, but otherwise fine, whatever.

Then i hear him wadding up a ball of toilet paper. He is violently pulling at the stuff on the roll. You can just hear it winding off the dispenser, he's like a madman. What is his problem? Does he have some sort of problem and immediately needed toilet paper. He had barely just entered the stall from the sound of it. Why??

Still, that's not too odd. After all, he could just really need toilet paper. Maybe he wanted to blow his nose and wanted the privacy of a stall. Who am i to judge that? Hell, maybe he was even just a avid toilet paper collector. Others can collect far worse items, and have.

And then i heard the proverbial straw. I began to hear the sound of a phone number being dialed.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. This guy was sitting on a toilet in the stall adjacent to me, with what sounded like a large wad of toilet paper in one hand, and preparing to make a phone call with the other.

Is this what society has come down to??

We obviously didn't learn anything with that supermodel getting into the car accident because her driver was making a phone call on a cell phone. Oh no. Learning would have been too much i think.

Now it comes down to the point where we cannot even wait to use the restroom before making a phone call. Maybe its all a move toward UBER-efficiency. That is quite possible i suppose.

Yet, something puzzles me. On the one hand, he could have been making a very important business call. But then again, he's a college student. We DON'T have important business calls. More than likely, he was probably making a social call.

Who on earth makes social calls from a stall inside of a dormitory restroom.

Then i thought..."Hmmm, maybe he is just looking for a nice quiet place to place his social call."

But no.

He could hear me in the other stall, and when i left the stall and used the water faucet. Yet, despite that, he continued to dial. (Not to mention the stall door to my stall was closed, indicating that someone was in the restroom.)

So no, it could not be mere privacy.

Then it hit me. At least one viable possibility.

The poor soul had explosive diarrhea. That has to be it. That COULD explain the pawwing at the toilet dispenser that i heard. And it could even explain the man's cell phone call. Maybe it was soooo explosive, and maybe even so toxic and life-threating, and potentially painful, that he was calling for help or a doctor. Maybe the guy was close to death. (Part of me wonders if i should go back into the restroom and see if the paramedics have arrived yet.)

Yes, that is quite possible.

Except, he could have just yelled out, "Hey man! Get me some help. I've got a bad case o' the explosive diarrhea!"

-except, maybe that's not very efficient.

For the Boswanians⁴