people are begining to agitate me.

they think that time ... is so precious - is so short : that life is something to be concerned about
always considering that " today is the day in which all things have come to an apex for "
when they never consider tomorrow.
or what of yesterday? - I find it bothersome.

I believe this general outlook on life is the cause of my irritation.
not what people think, but how I respond to how people think.
sometimes I wish I could just strangle people. hold them tight within my grip and wait.
until the moment comes where they give up and accept death - and go limp.
where-as that will be the moment in which I let go. how would they live?
as if each and every day were their " first after the last " - that this life is here,
merely because I havent been buried yet. they find solace in trivial things that
most people call art. they call music. they call love. happiness.

distractions, all.
what is the point of your life, why do you exist?
is there a greater goal to all of being? of course there is, but you are just a minor player.
this goal consists of many people doing many things in conjunction at different places at different times.
you cannot even comprehend the piece that you attribute to it. so why bother?
I do not know, I do not know.

I had a dream last night and it was an odd dream indeed.
I was walking towards a destination - where I do not recall, and all of a sudden someone just started walking along side me.
we talked for a bit. It was interesting.
then they went away and I woke up.
that was that. It felt good.

I use to wait for someone to come along and care for me.
someone to infuse me with hope. with happiness. with joy. with a feeling of " living "
I use to continually try and convince myself that : " this was it. this is the big shibang "
and it never came. nobody ever lived up to what I figured they'd be, and I never lived up to their expectations.
I use to think that the only way I'd ever be usefull is if someone just loved me. for no reason.
looking back I find it silly. why is it my ability to function should be so dependant on an emotional need from another?

who needs a drink?

me too.