Living around a college campus, you begin to notice just how much people drink as a way of socializing. (Which, given that, I would have expected more bars around the UW.)
When I was actually attending the UW, I didn't do that much drinking. Not at bars anyway. Hell, I bet James and Jimmy and the rest of them probably did more of that then I did.
Plus I wasn't a big fan of the whole "smoke in bars" thing. (Sucks to be you Jimmy.)
Of course, now you can't smoke in bars and I've been to a few. It's fun to watch everyone. I participate, sure enough, but the psychologist in me still people-watches. Especially fun is watching the annoying frat guys who hit on the obnoxious slutty girls. (There's an accident waiting to happen... an accident they'll probably name Joe or Mandy, or whatever the most popular boy/girl names are these days.)
We need to go drinking sometimes. Yes, that's what this post is making me think. I haven't hung out with many of you in a long time, nor have I shared a drink with you guys in awhile.
Of course, once again, you pieces of crap don't bother to actually read the board. Or write. Or at least read.
I will punch you all in the neck.
Contrary to what you might be thinking, I was not drinking at the time of this post.
October 25, 2006
October 19, 2006
You Really Aren't that Funny
Alcohol is an interesting thing, especially when it clouds judgements and makes you think your funny.
Maybe that's when it's more annoying. I can deal with people who became abrasive or stupid. That's fine. They were probably that way to begin with.
But the ones that thing they are funny when they get drunk? No. Or the ones that think that they are great conversationalists and whatever they have to say is the most important thing in the world to say.
Yes... not a big fan of those types either.
I'd prefer to punch them in the neck, if possible.
Thankfully, I don't get that way when I drink. I... well I don't know how I get... Truthful. I think that's it.
Oh, and I get very good at pool.
Like Jack-Bauer good.
Maybe that's when it's more annoying. I can deal with people who became abrasive or stupid. That's fine. They were probably that way to begin with.
But the ones that thing they are funny when they get drunk? No. Or the ones that think that they are great conversationalists and whatever they have to say is the most important thing in the world to say.
Yes... not a big fan of those types either.
I'd prefer to punch them in the neck, if possible.
Thankfully, I don't get that way when I drink. I... well I don't know how I get... Truthful. I think that's it.
Oh, and I get very good at pool.
Like Jack-Bauer good.
October 18, 2006
Gettin' to Know the Peeps
Yeah... I really have to wonder if this guy is the lamest superhero of all time. I mean... my understanding is he is supposed to be some sort of Garbage-Man superhero type. They gave him a strong-man body suit and Oakleys.
WTF??
Honestly. His super-power is picking up after my crap. Seems like a super-weakeness to me. He's a glorified janitor. Not to knock janitors, as they were probably some of the smartest people at Bethel. (Sad for Bethel really.)
I really wish this guy was David Sanders. Man do I wish that. But no, I'm sure that fucker's probably living on the beach and has five houses all across the country.
Stupid Tiger Woods wannabe...
Where was I going with this post?
Uhm... kids, stay in school?
WTF??
Honestly. His super-power is picking up after my crap. Seems like a super-weakeness to me. He's a glorified janitor. Not to knock janitors, as they were probably some of the smartest people at Bethel. (Sad for Bethel really.)
I really wish this guy was David Sanders. Man do I wish that. But no, I'm sure that fucker's probably living on the beach and has five houses all across the country.
Stupid Tiger Woods wannabe...
Where was I going with this post?
Uhm... kids, stay in school?
October 11, 2006
Almost Famous
In order to spread democracy...
or...
well...
I'm spreading something...
I present this guy:
I can guarantee that this guy has probably never appeared on the Series of Tubes before. Not a once. So shine on homeless guy asking for change. Shine on and welcome to your fifteen minutes of fame.
And if you ever want to meet him, I usually see him around 3rd and Seneca in downtown Seattle.
Just a warning... he might ask you for change.
or...
well...
I'm spreading something...
I present this guy:
I can guarantee that this guy has probably never appeared on the Series of Tubes before. Not a once. So shine on homeless guy asking for change. Shine on and welcome to your fifteen minutes of fame.
And if you ever want to meet him, I usually see him around 3rd and Seneca in downtown Seattle.
Just a warning... he might ask you for change.
October 08, 2006
Doesn't He Look Familiar?
So a couple of weeks ago (and by weeks, I meant months, but I was too lazy to hit the backspace key a few times and type in months, and so instead I've written all of this out), I was walking around Downtown Seattle when they had their immigration rally.
There were a lot of hispanic/mexican peoples out there.
At the front of the Federal Building were all sorts of protestors. Protestors protesting the immigrants. Protestors protesting for immigration. Protestors protesting the ones protesting immigrants...
And then there were the Nazi's.
I know they exist and all, but you still never expect to see them. But there they were, the Nazi's.
So I snapped a few pictures and I thought to myself...
... this guy looks familiar:
It occurs to me... doesn't he look like a Nazi-version of Steven Segal? Doesn't he? Just a little?
There were a lot of hispanic/mexican peoples out there.
At the front of the Federal Building were all sorts of protestors. Protestors protesting the immigrants. Protestors protesting for immigration. Protestors protesting the ones protesting immigrants...
And then there were the Nazi's.
I know they exist and all, but you still never expect to see them. But there they were, the Nazi's.
So I snapped a few pictures and I thought to myself...
... this guy looks familiar:
It occurs to me... doesn't he look like a Nazi-version of Steven Segal? Doesn't he? Just a little?
October 05, 2006
Can't You Just See It?
I was perusing through my growing collection of pictures, and I found this one:
Can't you just imagine him as a cranky old man yelling at kids to stay away from his garden...
Only instead of a garden, it would be some sort of lawn ornament shaped from the broken computer parts that have inhabited his life? And a dog running around the pile.
Can't you just imagine him as a cranky old man yelling at kids to stay away from his garden...
Only instead of a garden, it would be some sort of lawn ornament shaped from the broken computer parts that have inhabited his life? And a dog running around the pile.
October 02, 2006
Aren't people soooo nice?
Yeah, so I went to dinner with a friend last night. While eating, my truck was broken into and the stereo stolen, along with my ipod, my old cell phone, and a brand new pair of underwear I just bought at Victorias Secret. Sadly, the part I am actually upset about is the undewear... they were brand new!! I didn't even get to wear them first. Although they probably wouldn't have been stolen if I had worn them first... that would be gross. Everyone keeps saying to use my insurance, but the problem is that I have a $500 deductible. Meaning that the value of the shit in my truck was less than $500 (or right about that amount) so I would have to pay for it anyway. The good news is that I just bought a new cell phone (that LG Chocolate) that can do mp3's so I don't have to worry about the ipod or the phone being stolen. But I can't wear a phone for underwear, so I'm out $15 on those. And the truck stereo was a POS that I had bought to replace the last stolen one... so it was only worth about $35 bucks. It still sucks.
September 28, 2006
June 6th was a Monday.
Dear jEFF:
Your old pics on the June 6th post don't work, and I want to see them. I want to create a "People I know" chart, too!!!
Your old pics on the June 6th post don't work, and I want to see them. I want to create a "People I know" chart, too!!!
September 27, 2006
Time Travel, on the Cheap
I haven't been down to Tacoma in awhile. Or Roy, if you want to be specific.
Fuckin' Roy.
You know, Roy should be considered the Most Vile Thing Imaginable, because it is. I don't care what you say, it is. When I do a movie or short video clip series on the shittiest places to live, Roy will be at the top of my list. Or I'll make a photobook about it.
But I'm getting mildly off-topic.
Not that there really was a topic to begin with.
I haven't been to Roy in awhile. The last time I was tehre was sometime in July. I was there because I had to go down to the American Lake VA Hospital to meet with a patient. While I was there, I stayed at the Collins' House. That because everyone stays there.
It's an unwritten rule. If you are traveling to Roy, you stay there.
It's the place that time sort of just forgot. Or really never cared about. If you want to remember the old times, go stop by.
I feel like I could have been hit with a break five years ago, and only just woken up and I'd think that it was still 2001. It's comforting to me. In the event of some sort of world-wide apocalypse, I might go there to die, choosing to die in the comfort of the familiar.
Unless I'm hookin' up with Natalie Portman... then I KNOW where I'm dying.
For those of you who also haven't made the pilgrimage lately, here's a little reach-back:
Just watch, in ten years, I'll go back and take a picture and it will look the same, except instead of an Xbox on the ground, it will be the Xbox 1080 or something like that.
You know it's true. You know it.
Fuckin' Roy.
You know, Roy should be considered the Most Vile Thing Imaginable, because it is. I don't care what you say, it is. When I do a movie or short video clip series on the shittiest places to live, Roy will be at the top of my list. Or I'll make a photobook about it.
But I'm getting mildly off-topic.
Not that there really was a topic to begin with.
I haven't been to Roy in awhile. The last time I was tehre was sometime in July. I was there because I had to go down to the American Lake VA Hospital to meet with a patient. While I was there, I stayed at the Collins' House. That because everyone stays there.
It's an unwritten rule. If you are traveling to Roy, you stay there.
It's the place that time sort of just forgot. Or really never cared about. If you want to remember the old times, go stop by.
I feel like I could have been hit with a break five years ago, and only just woken up and I'd think that it was still 2001. It's comforting to me. In the event of some sort of world-wide apocalypse, I might go there to die, choosing to die in the comfort of the familiar.
Unless I'm hookin' up with Natalie Portman... then I KNOW where I'm dying.
For those of you who also haven't made the pilgrimage lately, here's a little reach-back:
Just watch, in ten years, I'll go back and take a picture and it will look the same, except instead of an Xbox on the ground, it will be the Xbox 1080 or something like that.
You know it's true. You know it.
Cooler than Stephanie.
Man, yesterday was the best day ever! Dr. Jekyll came over for coffee and the best damn cake ever, and then went to go see Little Miss Sunshine. Choice quotes for the evening:
"So, I just drinked my shot down."
"Josie is weilding a knife at the bee!"
"Do you have to ge married for us to host a bridal luncheon?"
"There are two types of people in this world. . ."
Next time is highly anticipated. I fixed my camera (finally!) like, 2 minutes after she left, so pictures will be posted when we have more cake. Or popcicles. Mwahaha.
"So, I just drinked my shot down."
"Josie is weilding a knife at the bee!"
"Do you have to ge married for us to host a bridal luncheon?"
"There are two types of people in this world. . ."
Next time is highly anticipated. I fixed my camera (finally!) like, 2 minutes after she left, so pictures will be posted when we have more cake. Or popcicles. Mwahaha.
Checking In
So as to not have people assume that I'm not checking the board and working on stuff... I provide you with my filler post.
See... what a great filler post this is.
Secondly, I should kill you both for assaulting my retinas with that... My God... My... it hurts to remember it.
I don't think I could offer something as visually disturbing as both of those images. I don't think I have the willpower to look for something so visually assaulting. So there you go, you win on the visuals.
Of course, I've actually run into people that look like that. Namely my horrible Chunky Beef neighbor below, who continues to harass my friends about the outdoor cat. I'm going to have to Bauer her soon... or at least take lots of pictures of her with a wide-angle lens and run an expose on her.
How I hate her.
It seems like every year or every couple of years I have that one person that I just cannot stand for the life of me and I spend several moments plotting ways to destroy them. I'm not sure why of this... probably some broken childhood problem lurking in the shadows.
So this concludes Filler Post. I'll have something better later. When I feel motivated. Yeah... motivated.
See... what a great filler post this is.
Secondly, I should kill you both for assaulting my retinas with that... My God... My... it hurts to remember it.
I don't think I could offer something as visually disturbing as both of those images. I don't think I have the willpower to look for something so visually assaulting. So there you go, you win on the visuals.
Of course, I've actually run into people that look like that. Namely my horrible Chunky Beef neighbor below, who continues to harass my friends about the outdoor cat. I'm going to have to Bauer her soon... or at least take lots of pictures of her with a wide-angle lens and run an expose on her.
How I hate her.
It seems like every year or every couple of years I have that one person that I just cannot stand for the life of me and I spend several moments plotting ways to destroy them. I'm not sure why of this... probably some broken childhood problem lurking in the shadows.
So this concludes Filler Post. I'll have something better later. When I feel motivated. Yeah... motivated.
September 25, 2006
September 22, 2006
September 19, 2006
Let me preface this by first saying that yes I do have a significant phobia of germs. That being said, I can also establish that my phobia of germs goes hand in hand with my dislike for public restrooms. Although I am not as bad as "shit brick," I have on many occasions opted to hold my need out of fear of contamination.
My darling Heather has posed that when addressed by the very adorable Dane Cook, that the public facility is some sort of laughing matter. I on the other hand would like to offer Exhibit A as my first example of why the public facility is one of the most vile things imaginable:
Aww yes, and let us not forget the reason I have lost sleep on many nights. The idea that when you need to go to the bathroom, and you open the stall and view a horror like this...
My worst nightmare come true:
Lest we not forget the things men must endure... at least you can stand and not have to touch it... although looking at it would get me bad enough not to go...
Finally, I must note that there is a good reason why I do not like to touch the door/objects in a public restroom. See here what I see in my head every time:
Tell me you have something more vile than this? I think not.
My darling Heather has posed that when addressed by the very adorable Dane Cook, that the public facility is some sort of laughing matter. I on the other hand would like to offer Exhibit A as my first example of why the public facility is one of the most vile things imaginable:
Aww yes, and let us not forget the reason I have lost sleep on many nights. The idea that when you need to go to the bathroom, and you open the stall and view a horror like this...
My worst nightmare come true:
Lest we not forget the things men must endure... at least you can stand and not have to touch it... although looking at it would get me bad enough not to go...
Finally, I must note that there is a good reason why I do not like to touch the door/objects in a public restroom. See here what I see in my head every time:
Tell me you have something more vile than this? I think not.
My offering for "the most vile thing ever"
I believe i have found something much more vile than yours heather dear....
Natural Reaction
Congratulations... now I really do know what it's like to throw up in one's mouth.
Pleasant.
Very pleasant.
Pleasant.
Very pleasant.
September 18, 2006
I would like to offer up a submission for. . .
{edit. . } I totally just noticed that the Chunky Beef on the far left is copping a totally unsexy feel on the lard ass in green. I hope that jEFF isn't masturbating too furiously to this one! {edit competed}
The Most Vile Thing Imaginable!!!
{edit. . } I totally just noticed that the Chunky Beef on the far left is copping a totally unsexy feel on the lard ass in green. I hope that jEFF isn't masturbating too furiously to this one! {edit competed}
Been a while....
*takes a look around and realizes not much has changed around here other than the layout*
thanks for the invite back again ;) its always appreciated to feel welcome somewhere... sadly I have missed this place a little. the old blogs are nostalgic to say the least...
thanks for the invite back again ;) its always appreciated to feel welcome somewhere... sadly I have missed this place a little. the old blogs are nostalgic to say the least...
September 15, 2006
I Very Badly Want to Punch Someone in the Neck
I try to get to work at 8.
About 1/3 of the time to 2/3 of the time, I don't.
About 1/3 of that time, it's my fault. Maybe 1/4 of that time.
The rest of the time, there is some universal balancing act that works in such a way that I cannot make it to work until about 8:26.
Most of the time, it's the metro system's fault. Today for example, the bus was late. Again. Go figure. You'd think that I would just wake up early.
Fuck that. I barely get enough sleep as it is. And this night I actually had slept well enough that I could wake up early or at least on time. But the bus had to be late.
Today's fiasco though, had nothing to do with the bus. Well, maybe it did in that I arrived when I did because of the bus. But as I get off the bus, to cross the crosswalk, I entered the twilight zone.
I look up, see the white man glowing, I look down and start crossing. And sure enough, I get pulled over by a motor-bike cop. Because when I looked down, it started flashing. Maybe it started flashing before I even looked down and I'm remembering it wrong. It doesn't really matter, because in the end, it had JUST STARTED FLASHING.
And guess what... apparently it is against the law to cross when the hand starts flashing. I didn't know that! Did you? (I automatically hate you if you did.) I always thought of it as a yellow light... you can still make it. And since it had just started to flash, I don't even see the harm in it anyway. And the cop was sitting right there... would I have purposely jay-walked in front of a cop if I had known that was a crime?
Look at this buffaloshit. Look. $46 because I was fast enough, and fit enough, to cross a short crosswalk with a just-started-to-flash hand. No posted rules about the crosswalk either. I asked about that, to which the cop replied, "it's on the web". What if I don't have a computer? (Ignoring that I'm posting this on one...). "Oh, it's in the library too..."
Because I have the time to spend my off-time in a library hunting arbitrary cross-walk rules?!
If you don't want some to walk across a crosswalk sign... don't flash the fucking sign. Blast that light with a million megawatts of electricity. Afraid someone will be caught in the middle... here's a solution. Don't change the car's light green for 15 seconds.
Honestly. I don't even care if you have a fuckin' hand-flasher or not... whatever the rule is... POST IT SOMEWHERE FOR SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY READ.
I'm not mad at the cop... he's just enforcing a rule because he's supposed to. I'm mad at the idiots who put this rule into place and then decided not to tell anyone about it. I certainly don't remember this rule in any driver's ed class I took.
So now I get to take time out of my schedule to contest a fuckin' ticket!? Oh, and the kicker... as I'm being written a ticket for jay-walking... two morons actually do jay-walk across a busy street.
Today is not a day to cross me.
About 1/3 of the time to 2/3 of the time, I don't.
About 1/3 of that time, it's my fault. Maybe 1/4 of that time.
The rest of the time, there is some universal balancing act that works in such a way that I cannot make it to work until about 8:26.
Most of the time, it's the metro system's fault. Today for example, the bus was late. Again. Go figure. You'd think that I would just wake up early.
Fuck that. I barely get enough sleep as it is. And this night I actually had slept well enough that I could wake up early or at least on time. But the bus had to be late.
Today's fiasco though, had nothing to do with the bus. Well, maybe it did in that I arrived when I did because of the bus. But as I get off the bus, to cross the crosswalk, I entered the twilight zone.
I look up, see the white man glowing, I look down and start crossing. And sure enough, I get pulled over by a motor-bike cop. Because when I looked down, it started flashing. Maybe it started flashing before I even looked down and I'm remembering it wrong. It doesn't really matter, because in the end, it had JUST STARTED FLASHING.
And guess what... apparently it is against the law to cross when the hand starts flashing. I didn't know that! Did you? (I automatically hate you if you did.) I always thought of it as a yellow light... you can still make it. And since it had just started to flash, I don't even see the harm in it anyway. And the cop was sitting right there... would I have purposely jay-walked in front of a cop if I had known that was a crime?
Look at this buffaloshit. Look. $46 because I was fast enough, and fit enough, to cross a short crosswalk with a just-started-to-flash hand. No posted rules about the crosswalk either. I asked about that, to which the cop replied, "it's on the web". What if I don't have a computer? (Ignoring that I'm posting this on one...). "Oh, it's in the library too..."
Because I have the time to spend my off-time in a library hunting arbitrary cross-walk rules?!
If you don't want some to walk across a crosswalk sign... don't flash the fucking sign. Blast that light with a million megawatts of electricity. Afraid someone will be caught in the middle... here's a solution. Don't change the car's light green for 15 seconds.
Honestly. I don't even care if you have a fuckin' hand-flasher or not... whatever the rule is... POST IT SOMEWHERE FOR SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY READ.
I'm not mad at the cop... he's just enforcing a rule because he's supposed to. I'm mad at the idiots who put this rule into place and then decided not to tell anyone about it. I certainly don't remember this rule in any driver's ed class I took.
So now I get to take time out of my schedule to contest a fuckin' ticket!? Oh, and the kicker... as I'm being written a ticket for jay-walking... two morons actually do jay-walk across a busy street.
Today is not a day to cross me.
September 14, 2006
Things on Motherfuckin' Things!
Yeah.
I haven't posted in awhile. But, unlike you bastards, I am posting. Do you know why? Because I care. Never let it be said that Jeff Bauer does not care. It's Bauer jack-asses. As soon as a save up the amount of money it takes, I'm changing my last name. I'm done with that weak other last name. It has done nothing but kept me down in life.
So that's right. New Jeff. And not that Phej crap either.
I went to Boston a couple of weekends ago... as some of you know. My true friends know that at least. The rest of you just suck. Suck like Chunky Beef kind of suck. (Which reminds me, if any of you see Mr. Parr, punch him in the neck and then take his picture so I can post him as another Chunky Beef.)
Now then... where was I...
Oh yeah, so Boston. (By the way, nobody calls it Bean-Town there... well nobody I talked to anyway. They did have a pub named Bean-Town pub though...)
I didn't eat there. It looked too East Coast for my West Coast blood. Didn't want to cap some foo's or anything either.
My trip to Boston also marked the first time I have ever flown (since being a wee baby - and that doesn't count). And wouldn't you know it...
Okay... so there was only one snake. And okay... so it was rubber.
Okay.
But I still Bauer'd that snake good.
...
This is why you all don't read this site anymore... isn't it?
I haven't posted in awhile. But, unlike you bastards, I am posting. Do you know why? Because I care. Never let it be said that Jeff Bauer does not care. It's Bauer jack-asses. As soon as a save up the amount of money it takes, I'm changing my last name. I'm done with that weak other last name. It has done nothing but kept me down in life.
So that's right. New Jeff. And not that Phej crap either.
I went to Boston a couple of weekends ago... as some of you know. My true friends know that at least. The rest of you just suck. Suck like Chunky Beef kind of suck. (Which reminds me, if any of you see Mr. Parr, punch him in the neck and then take his picture so I can post him as another Chunky Beef.)
Now then... where was I...
Oh yeah, so Boston. (By the way, nobody calls it Bean-Town there... well nobody I talked to anyway. They did have a pub named Bean-Town pub though...)
I didn't eat there. It looked too East Coast for my West Coast blood. Didn't want to cap some foo's or anything either.
My trip to Boston also marked the first time I have ever flown (since being a wee baby - and that doesn't count). And wouldn't you know it...
There were Snakes on my Motherfuckin' Plane!
Okay... so there was only one snake. And okay... so it was rubber.
Okay.
But I still Bauer'd that snake good.
...
This is why you all don't read this site anymore... isn't it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
